Breaking Free: Overcoming Generational Trauma

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[@julphines]

The most insidious thing about generational trauma in the family is being raised to think it's normal. You have to really break out of the paradigm you were raised in or see someone else's experience to realize yours isn't normal. It's hard.

[@sparklemotion8377]

1:25 Subhana Allah, I just found out yesterday that this happened to Morocco too. I knew about famines and starvation but just found out yesterday about the colonial link. The generation of my grandparents grew up treating children as disposable. And just from the stories I heard about hunger I and child mortality I figured out that people just couldn't afford to get attached to their children because they never knew how long they will live. They couldn't afford to break down every time a child dies. It is frustrating to see that my parents' generation took over this mentality and it had has not stopped. Men have no problem walking out on their families. As long as they stay loyal to their parents they remain 'respectable' in their communities. It is considered a disgrace to put your parents in a home, but nobody bets an eye on all the children living on the streets or in orphanages.

[@sarwatsheikh8278]

As a new immigrant parent, when the time came for my kid to enter school, I went into the same mindset of "Following the herd" as everybody was entering Islamic school, I thought I MUST put my child in that school and I learned the hard way that well, it wasnt working for MY kid. I learned the hard way! Time and situation dragged me out of this mentality. Everybody makes mistakes but at least now I dont force them according to what I want from them. I dont want anything from my kids except that they are HAPPY. Success and faith will come to them from Allah! I only make dua now!

[@riyadougla539]

Thank you for this video. There is no quick fix for this. South asians are clearly suffering from generational trauma. It is so part of our identity that we refuse to come to terms with it.

[@BelezaArtistica]

I’ve said it before sis, but, I have loved watching your journey as a KZbin creator. I’ve seen how much you’ve grown and used your platform for good. Alhamdulillah. The topics that you have been covering in recent times have been so poignant and shine light on what we have long cast aside. I’m here for it all ❤

[@TazzyPhe]

it has not gone unnoticed that you have been supporting me from the very beginning and always show me so much love in-person as well. I really appreciate you sis! And I'm glad you've found the topic to be relevant! ❤

[@NN-hl6nt]

I agree, 100%. the worst of all is that some people don't want to get out of it just because they are used to that trauma and breaking out of that probably means they have to get ride of a major part of themselves. But what they dont realize it how much pressure they put on others around them. When your family members are like that specially if you are the youngest I think it is the toughest on you.

[@riyadougla539]

Very true. It becomes part of your identity.

[@robotnitchka]

It's called the sunk cost fallacy and it has felled entire governments. Truly devastating to be a child stuck with parents like that.

[@plumpydayz]

I came to the realisation a few years ago after separating from my parents that as a child, I was dealing with narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect. Which explains why I have a very difficult time with managing my own emotions and have felt anxious and depressed without understanding why. I also learned that the way I was treated was how my parental unit was treated, she often scoffs at mothers who are affectionate and loving to their children and says that they are going to make their children soft. I mean...I could of done with a bit more love in my childhood but hey....Im sure she did everything correctly and doesn't need to reflect on why her children don't like her or want to visit.

[@salmanaisawesome]

This video is it! It explained a lot of stuff! The reason why the older generation want to ruin my life but can't. Like always depressed because I was blamed for not being a boy. And was the "cause" of their marriage issues or All their issues. And as a girl, I am not supposed to have standards or preferences. Or how my family is the "poor family" and they want to keep me "poor" to continue the family curse. The jealousy that I got to do more things than other women did. Being treated like I am dumb or stupid by the older men like uncles. And that I need to save a poor man from Pakistan. Or I need to marry an older man because HE has "money" because that's how women survived in the past. And etc. I am not actually depressed with my life. I am depressed by the older people who just want the cycle to continue.

[@zainabk2866]

i cant even deny one thing that went thing that you said. this hit too close to home, literally.

[@sparklemotion8377]

RUN!!

[@Leilandia]

Love this topic! I've seen way too many creators turn this stuff into jokes with 0 perceived awareness of the trauma (and abuse) behind the behaviors and patterns of our parents and grandparents. It stopped being funny to me altogether after I matured into the adult that I am, and realized how harmful it is to the cause of the current and future generations to downplay these things. Thank you for bearing this very important message!

[@victoryesemwen1520]

I don’t think it’s easy to just drop the baggage because something cut so deep that it stays with you regardless if you want it or not.

[@Triplets_Boys_Hong_Kong_333]

True

[@rifqah_hanaa4608]

Excellent video as always. When I went through my own mental health crisis and healing several years ago, I could trace my anxiety disorder straight back to my grandmother who had a severely traumatic childhood that involved extreme poverty, violence and watching her mother die when she was 6. She lived her entire life anxious and worrying about every little thing. My dad is the same way but to a lesser extent. I grew up equating worry and anxiety with love, and always thinking the worst had happened if someone was late, they didn't call, etc. I can say happily that my mental health now is the best it's ever been in my life, and I see my grown kids addressing and taking care of their own mental health with therapy and healthy coping skills.

[@hanamediocre]

realising that i learned a lot of these harmful behaviours from my parents brought up a lot of overwhelming emotions. anger. resentment longing. and i realised that's probably why i suffer so badly from emotional repression, perfectionism, anxiety, depression. i fear that my future children will learn from me and my anxious ways, and pass it on to their children and so on. i don't want the cycle to continue. that's why i think it's so important for us to go inside, reflect, and realise that our harmful behaviours don't just hurt ourselves but it hurts others and continues to hurt them when we're long gone.

[@PositiveWomenTV]

Positive Mindset is really important.

[@sparklemotion8377]

That is toxic and victim blaming.

[@robotnitchka]

That's gaslighting. We can't 'positively think' our tangible problems out of existence.

[@Triplets_Boys_Hong_Kong_333]

True

[@TheSilentoasis]

Would love your opinion on kids, and the pressure to have kids(especially for women 30 and above-the comments and pressure from in-laws and parents is getting kind of intense now

[@ishwaaq191]

There’s a video from 2 months ago called “the truth about marriage” where she discusses the issues that you’ve brought up, hope that helps

[@sdoken]

Never let anyone ever pressure you into having kids. Sorry easier said that done perhaps but just know that it is not a decision that should be made with pressure from others, even from your partner/spouse.

[@SirAgravaine]

The generational trauma is fucking real

[@finalflash98]

Covid was real bad as it resulted in additional trauma of finding out how susceptible my parents were to anti vax mentality and how they absolutely refuse to budge. It was very frustrating and still is. Lots of screaming and we reach nowhere. I hope it gets better.

[@sparklemotion8377]

You sound very white

[@finalflash98]

@@sparklemotion8377 ? I wonder what made you say that

[@sparklemotion8377]

@Hassan What you wrote

[@finalflash98]

@@sparklemotion8377 ignorantly judging and refusing to elaborate. That's a good online dipshit combo right there.

[@sparklemotion8377]

@@finalflash98 I guess I hit a white nerve

[@yarachehade3231]

Lovely video! Has really helped bring up some interesting points as to how I act and how this is influenced by my ancestors. I think America is very individualistic and sometimes that leads to us thinking we are born from ourselves and simply exist in our surroundings. Excited to see more research and develop more of an understanding on this topic. This is a fantastic and accessibility introduction that I’m sure will help others start to think about how their journey through life exists on a much larger scale! Well put!

[@analimalimon.]

Amazing video, thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts on such interesting topic! I usually feel worried when thinking whether if I want to have kids, and one of the main reasons is because I really don't want to pass on any of my traumas/anxiety, which btw are behaviors learned from my parents. I've been working on them in therapy, but it's still difficult to stop the cycle of generational trauma.

[@paiute6911]

As a grandchild of someone who served in WWII this explains a lot of behaviors.

[@piqueny8872]

Being Rasied with cultural traditions men royalty women 2nd class Dealing with double standards backwards chauvinism since forever this has caused a major distress With the females within my family. Some the elders don’t understand why they are depressed and do not want relationships with the cultural paths as them or live the same lifestyle why they suddenly decided to marry outside the race. Childhood trauma is real and ignorance really is bliss to the entitled and oppressors

[@5o5ty]

Thank you that was very informative very eye opening, well articulated and said, you have a natural talent of conveying important and sensitive messages , big Thank you , truly

[@davuax1177]

so accurate!

[@unknowninvisible2519]

I love you Taz

[@delshahid8971]

Amazing 🤩

[@bensweiss]

Thank you and yes. And generational trauma can be using violence to disciple or communicate, shame or guilt to coerce or change behavior, parentifying children, etc.

[@aafsterlife9647]

Don't mean to sound superficial, but what're you wearing on your eyes and lips here? Love the natural, glowy look 👌🏼

[@sdoken]

8:23 a lot of the techniques listed here seem to focus on racist causes of trauma but i think that leaves out a large fraction of trauma that is caused by many other reasons. Trauma is a part of human experience I think and even if we humans were always kind to each other we would still have trauma as shown by the example you gave with covid or I might add natural disasters like earthquakes. The only solution to stopping generational transfer of trauma is really to just not have kids and not bring more humans onto this planet where life is traumatic.

[@Mumsiken]

I refuse to believe in it. Everyone has been through something except a little percentage of elites. This is just something I would have used as an excuse for my weaknesses or perspective. I believe we are here by design there are no accidents or mishaps. I am unique because of the life I live. Either I survive or not that is evolution of my lineage.

[@hamzaasif8902]

People who have been abused as children (sexual, psychological, physical, etc) are more likely to abuse their own children. The saying goes it's the gift that keeps on giving. Important to recognize that and break the cycle.

[@sdoken]

and best way to break it is by not having kids. Otherwise it is nearly impossible. Yes people say 'therapy will help' as if it is a panacea but it does not really help all that much and definitely does not solve the problem at the root the way not having children does.

[@adjadenisedoumbia9305]

@@sdoken I agree

[@riyadougla539]

South asian parents are very abusive.

[@sparklemotion8377]

I tried, the Dutch health system Said NO, you are too much profitable for us when you're broken.

[@sparklemotion8377]

@@sdoken You are right, I wanted as much children as possible ended up having one and managed to screw that up. I had children for all the wrong reasons, to be loved..Do have a childhood do over. I really wished Muslims would stop the quantity factor when it comes to children and focus on quality.

[@delshahid8971]

You got to do a whole subject in British accent, there’s a challenge 😊

[@fificore]

*Everyone: break the generational trauma curse by not having kids!* 👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿

[@gelilahyoungsun4326]

A good dose of antinatalism

[@sdoken]

no kids means no problems!

[@adjadenisedoumbia9305]

That's my choice tbh.

[@ochinski3568]

😂

[@cappygurl]

Break the trauma, by healing the trauma and getting out of unhealthy patterns and mindsets. Do or don't have kids because you have healed your trauma and still don't want kids.

[@sdoken]

*Just don’t have kids. Problems solved.* 💃

[@CreativeexplorerTPT]

Ikr

[@leanne5226]

"promo sm" 😻

[@UXtatic]

Insert black communities here...same things you said I've witnessed.