BREASTFEEDING STRUGGLES | LOW MILK SUPPLY + MENTAL HEALTH

Today's video is a super vulnerable one, so please be nice! I see you mamas, and just know that you're all doing an amazing job! Love you to pieces! xoxox, Kayla
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[@jiaqicheng1881]

Sometimes people has the wrong focus. The point is to feed your baby and help them grow happily and healthily. The way of feeding is not the focus. Feeding itself is important.

[@Phaniegu]

Finally!! The first mom I follow on KZbin talking about this... I went through the same when my baby was born and I felt so bad and so frustrated and I see these moms in KZbin with their videos of how they pumped 7383939 oz a day (which is super good for them) but I felt so bad! I know it’s hard but there is not a better mom for him than you and the only thing that matters if that you’re both healthy and happy❤️🥰

[@Mynamenikki]

I’ll be honest...This made me cry. I was a total mess when my baby was born because my milk supply never came in properly. I would wake up every day for the first two weeks thinking...is today the day my breasts will be full? And every day I would break down when it wasn’t. I had some milk, but it was never enough, and we had to do formula as well. Eventually at 2 1/2 months I switched over fully to formula, and I still feel so much guilt. But I had to keep my baby fed properly. Honestly breastfeeding was the HARDEST part and still to this day it breaks my heart that I couldn’t do it properly. Your message means a lot. Thank you 🙏

[@wanderformemories]

Same as me. And i cried... no matter how I tried, still no supply.. i still feel guilty but I finally come to terms with it and accept it. Coz as long as my baby is growing well & healthy, I’m blessed.

[@ennihelena2070]

This happened to me too. Still I sometimes feel sad thinking about my failed breastfeeding story, but as Kayla said, I try to remember that not breastfeeding does not make a bad mom. My child is happy, healthy and has loving parents even when he is formula fed ❤️

[@lanis57]

Your just like me...same story..and i live in a country where almost all women fully breastfeed their babies..

[@chrissypacheco9635]

I experienced exactly the same. Sending you much love momma ❤️

[@cassiefinnerty8426]

Me too! I actually got so much milk in I was terribly engorged I pumped and tried to feed but my girl was too small and my boobs to big then one day I just didn't have milk and I had to feed her formula and I felt so much guilt and shame and I grieved. I wish I had someone to say what Kayla said in this because I felt like I failed as a mum. But I know I didn't because my girls fine, almost 11 months old and thriving.

[@xarazafeiratou7058]

Kayla thank you so much for talking about this because every single mom on KZbin seems to be living the “perfect” life and having a huge stash of breast milk in their freezer. You have helped me a lot with your thoughts,I know I am not alone. I also struggle with breastfeeding and pumping and feeling like I am the worst for not being able to provide for my child.I know for sure though that I do not love my child less because I do not have enough milk. Sending you lots of love from Greece.

[@emilyn8234]

I gave birth at the beginning of the quarantine and based in Europe with my husband and my toddler and the baby. No family members to help for even a day. I was going through so much stress with pumping milk, my toddler worrying 24/7, my husband at work all day and the worse part is I was seriously sick and stressed throughout my pregnancy. I was breaking down with low supply of milk and was feeling guilty but I had to stop breastfeeding at 2 months and focus on formula only. cos i was in a bad state with my mental health. My baby is 8 months today and is almost 20 pounds and pediatrician keeps praising me that I have done a perfect job. No all mother's can do breastfeeding especially depending on the situation we find ourselves in

[@SaraIsSuper]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm a first time mom and my baby is 1 month old. My milk never "came in". I have been able to produce some milk, but not nearly enough to keep up with her needs. I'm so grateful that you posted this video... you are the first mom on here saying how difficult nursing actually is. It still breaks my heart that I'm not able to fully sustain my baby, but everyday I'm getting a little better about not feeling guilty for my lack of milk. Thank you for sharing your struggle, it's nice to know that we are not alone in this struggle.

[@NaturallyMo64]

I felt the tears coming while watching your video. My son is now seven weeks old and on day three at the hospital his weight started decreasing and I put him on supplement. Being home trying to find time to clean to cook to bathe to go to the bathroom it's been really difficult. I'm a single mom but has a lot of help from my parents. Having my first child at 40 years old I really thought I would be able to handle it all. This is hard. Thank you for being honest about your journey it sound so similar to mine. I go back to work in about three weeks and I'm trying to pump at least 4 to 6 times a day. Thank you for all your encouragement God bless you❤

[@Sarah-tq8wd]

I am both a mom-to-be and a pediatrician-to-be, and you being willing to share your stories so openly has helped me to understand what moms go through and also what to anticipate in a few short months myself. I think you are doing a wonderful job and your children are thriving in so many ways. I hope you feel that your pediatrician is on your team in this journey.

[@twoplusyou1515]

A pound in a couple of weeks is AMAZING!! ❤️ Don’t be too hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know as a fellow mama) but you guys are doing an awesome job! The worrying never ends but I hope you know that we are all rooting for you! ❤️❤️❤️

[@ashlierenae8050]

This may not help, but I have read that if you put socks on the bottles while you’re pumping and you don’t check to see how much, you can produce more because you’re not actually watching how much you have produced so you get less negative thoughts while actually pumping. Worth a shot!

[@shimmering2light]

Breastfeeding is such a huge commitment, one that I never understood until I decided to try. It didn’t come naturally and when my daughter was back in the hospital after a few days with jaundice and loosing weight, I decided to pump. I supplemented a lot in the beginning but now I exclusively pump and am able to feed her just breast milk. I never thought I’d make it 6 months but I do have enormous guilt when I think of stopping. I still nurse her once a day but I’ve never been able to transition over to just breastfeeding because like you said, I never really knew how much she was getting. If she didn’t eat enough during the day, she was waking at night for more food. I know you’ve probably heard this over a million times, it’s all about demand and supply and power pumping is the best thing you can do. I know even at 6 months pp the thought of power pumping has me cringing, so I cannot imagine how it would feel at 9 months. Even though I am grateful to be able to feed my daughter breastmilk, I hate my pump. I feel everything you said in this video. Know that you are doing everything you can to make sure your baby is fed and thriving. You’re doing a great job.

[@nanaronhano337]

@@shimmering2light that’s awesome! I pumped for 7 months with my daughter. I could have and should have kept going because my supply was really high and super consistent but I HATED it soooo much feeling tied up and pumping alone at night is the most depressing feeling for some reason.

[@miaphoenix1208]

This video is hitting home so hard!!! Thank you for speaking so honestly and openly about this. One of the biggest shocks for me as a first time mom is how emotionally traumatising it has been to have a low milk supply and feel like your body is not producing sufficient milk to feed your little one. Those feelings of being inadequate and wondering what is wrong with your body... 😢

[@LeticiaGonzalez-vy9iu]

2oz is A LOT because you're still nursing & he's eating food. You're doing a great job!

[@mariedisneydiva2653]

Never doubt that you are an AMAZING mom Kayla! 24 years ago my daughter was transferred to a hospital 3 hours away and I had to pump for over a week. My daughter did not get use to the breast and I had to switch to bottles due to losing my milk supply. Just remember that you are doing all you can to help him gain weight. He is beautiful and healthy and that is what counts. God bless ❤

[@MichelleDoesMakeup]

As a momma who just got my baby home after 90 days in NICU I related to this video so much! My supply is great but her doctors make me fortify my milk with formula and at first I felt awful like my milk was not good enough. I have an entire deep freeze full of milk but still have to use formula for her weight! Every baby is different and every momma is different. What matters is they are healthy and happy! Formula or not ❤️ Hang in there love! You’re doing a wonderful job!

[@estaschlabach6188]

Thank you for being real. You are an amazing mother and your baby is the picture of health. Take courage from a grandma who has been in similar shoes. I was never a successful nurser. I received a lot of negativity from my doctor and even family members who thought I gave up too soon. I did what I knew was best for my babies. A mom knows! I have been sitting here and crying because so much of what you shared is what I felt and never had the courage to say. God bless you and your beautiful family!

[@JC-wq8ye]

As someone who had an easy time breastfeeding with both of my babies, my heart goes out to the mamas who struggle so hard to do the same. You are amazing and I have so much respect for the effort and hard work you put into giving your baby the best. You all are amazing and your children are extremely blessed to have you

[@chickenzncowz]

I cried watching this video. I had milk supply issues from the start with my son (now 7 mo) and I think by his 6 week appt or 2 month he still wasn’t back to his birth weight and we’ve been supplementing with formula since. It’s been so hard. Thank you Kayla for sharing this ❤️ you’re doing such a great job and you’re a great mom. Jackson is definitely looking chunkier! I remember when we started supplementing I thought the same thing “it’s time to get my baby CHUNKY” and that thought helped me get through the feelings of inadequacy and guilt knowing I had a mission to fatten him up.

[@rachelwrench5740]

sweet mama! I want to hug you! I want you to know that you are amazing, and your baby boy looks so HAPPY. If he was not well nourished he would not be a happy baby! I am dealing with supply issues right now too after getting mastitis - just keep pumping! and even if you need to add in some formula, you don't need to be all in one way or another. if you can add 2 ounces of breast milk that you pumped to formula, that is SO beneficial for him still. any breast milk you produce for him is awesome! keep it up with power pumping in between, keep letting him nurse as often as he wants, and keep up everything else you're doing. a year from now you won't have to worry about everything you're dealing with right now, but this is a short year and you're doing amazing nourishing him.

[@LindaYinGackowski]

Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and being vulnerable in front of us! And, thank you for not being another instructional video on how to increase my milk supply. Coincidentally, I watch your videos during my pumping sessions. As you talked about the sound of the pump, you essentially described my current world. I thought I was alone in being a low producer. I felt inadequate and obsessed over increasing my milk supply (I still do sometimes). Every mother around me seemed able to produce entire bottles of milk. The most I ever produced in a pumping session was 9 ounces and that was months ago. Between taking care of a newborn, trying to feed and hydrate myself, and all the other things new moms are told to do, I couldn't be as religious about pumping every two hours. Because my son was born only 6 pounds, he wanted milk nonstop for the first three months. My breastmilk just couldn't keep up. I've supplemented with formula since he was a couple days old. Once I stopped feeling so incredibly guilty about feeding him formula and started actually nursing him more instead of exclusively pumping, I felt like I somehow produced a bit more milk. My supply dips when I'm on my period and when I'm extremely sleep-deprived. But, I'm doing the best I can and I'm trying to tell myself that that is enough. And to all the tired moms who are struggling with low supply and accidentally spill a bottle of hard-earned breastmilk, that happened to me yesterday. Much love ❤️

[@sarahflores9498]

I also couldn’t stand the sound of the pumping machine as it sounded so unnatural. So I switched to hand expressing with haakas, it doesn’t hurt as much, I got more milk out of each session and the cleanup is way easier. Thank you for being so open on this topic, breastfeeding isn’t easy and I wish more people would talk about it!

[@nicolezulli160]

Thank you for sharing. I have exclusively pumped and supplemented as needed for 5 months. It has been the hardest part of being a mom for me. Feeling inadequate for a low supply, staying up at all hours to pump, buying so many supplements and pumps and flanges, fights with SO for needing him to take care of baby while I pumped, mourning the loss of a breastfeeding relationship, crying when I have to give him formula even though I know it’s okay. It’s frickin hard and even though deep down you know it doesn’t measure your worth, that irrational feeling of guilt and not being in control of your body is hard to shake. I’m happy for moms that produce enough, but also jealous and angry, which then makes me sad. It’s really hard. But we do what we can and love our babies. You’re right, we are super moms and if I could do it over I would spend less time stressed about milk and more time loving on my little one. You’re doing so great. Thanks for these videos. Makes me feel less alone during the covid craziness.

[@lindsayferber7511]

I highly reccomend going to see a lactation consultant. You're doing a great job. We as moms put so much pressure on ourselves and our mental health has to come first. You mentioned so many misconceptions in your video. Pumping and leaking do not indicate milk supply. And low milk supply is not as common as people think. If people produce less its normally because they arent putting the demand on their body. Sleep training can have a HUGE impact on milk supply. And you can increase your supply it is just something that takes time. Adding more nursing sessions is key. Itll help even more then pumping. Power pumping between 11 and 6 would be helpful because it's when our prolactin levels are highest. Society makes it seem like you need to pump 10 ounces a time and that's so not true. 2 ounces while nursing full time is great! Give your body a chance. Take care of yourself, eat and drink enough and just nurse nurse nurse. Have you tried nursing in a carrier? Skin to skin and extra time on the breast will also help. Good luck mama! No shame in formula and doing what is best for your mental health. Motherhood is stressful enough!

[@kyrafitnessbusymom2451]

Second this!

[@jes5icaP]

Well said! 👍 My baby is EBF and has always been around the 85th percentile for weight. I have never leaked, my boobs feel squishy all the time, and I get some milk when pumping but not a huge amount. Agreed that there are many misconceptions and myths mentioned in this video. An IBCLC will give you evidence-based information and help provide clarity on all the concerns you raised.

[@aaagh444]

100% all of this! So much misinformation out there

[@marlenevargas1402]

Lindsay Ferber great tips! ❤️

[@carmenevangelinazuniga9540]

This is an educated comment . I also got the same tips and information from my lactation consultant. It is always better to look for professional help.

[@lisaeng1]

Thank you for making this vlog. Motherhood is such a challenging journey.

[@mandyklawitter5109]

My lactation consultant told me to pump in the morning because at the end of the day your supply is depleted from nursing all day!! You are such a good mama. Don’t be so hard on yourself 💓💓

[@isla-rosewolf9293]

Thank you so much for this love 💓 your story has been such medicine. I'm struggling with my breast milk too after breaking my shoulder a few weeks ago. I'm struggling with the pump too, and have super low milk supply now. Feeling you and so grateful for your story ❤

[@simplymebykas]

Appreciate your story because it hit home so much with me. With my 1st baby, I had to leave her behind at the hospital as well because of jaundice. Although it was only 1 extra day, I was in tears on the drive home. I felt so bad leaving my newborn behind and so alone. It was one of the saddest days of my life too. Breastfeeding her was difficult. The 1st month I had close to no supply and had to give her formula so she wouldn't starve. Again, this made me feel like I was failing as a mum. The fact that I couldn't breastfeed my own baby was putting me in tears every day. I hated pumping but I kept doing it 5-6 times a day to get something out but again, not enough for one feed. Thankfully, things improved from the 3rd month and I managed to exclusively breastfeed her until 14months💪 With my 2nd baby, it's a whole new struggle with breastfeeding. She fed well and I had reasonable supply from her birth. But at around 3 months she just wouldn't latch during the day so I could only breastfeed her 1st thing in the morning, and at the end of the day. Since then, I've been glued to my breast pump, pumping 5 times a day which is very exhausting and time consuming 😔 I have to formula feed her from time to time still too... But hey, like you said, we are all doing the best we can. Everyone is different, and every body is different. We need to give ourselves more grace and do our best. Thanks for sharing your breastfeeding journey 🙏

[@neuronstellingstories5694]

Thank you, Kayla. I have so much compassion for your story. I’ve been watching you since my first baby was born this February and I love watching Jackson do things right before my daughter does. But the thing my baby doesn’t do is breastfeed. I never had my milk “come in” and struggled for twelve weeks to nurse my baby. I sobbed so many times: “I just want to feed my baby.” So many consults were about holds and techniques and supplements but still I was only producing 1 -2 oz per day (pumping round the clock). The last doctor finally told me that because I lost a lot of blood at delivery that the drop in blood pressure affected my pituitary and the hormones it was supposed to produce. I still felt, and feel, as you said - why can’t I feed my baby with what she is “supposed” to drink. Struggling with feeling like a lesser mother. Your opening up made me cry (for myself, and for you) but also feel better. Our babies can still be fed, just in a different way. I’m sure Jackson will continue with his weight gain; you are an awesome mother for thinking of so many ways to help him gain, and it’s working! What really helped me was taking some photos and videos of my daughter nursing while she tried to get those few ounces. They remind me that I did what I could, and that that is only a small part of our relationship. Thanks again for your channel’s videos. I watch them all and am so happy to see your subscribed numbers go up and up. You deserve it!

[@oceanwang9150]

It’s so emotional for me to watch this video. I was struggling with breastfeeding so hard and I’m still trying to breastfeed my baby now even though he is more than 6 month old. Breastfeeding sounds like a natural thing when you become a mom. Nobody told me it would be soooooo hard. I tried everything to boost up my milk supply like power pumping, fenugreek, lactation cookies and so on. I also asked for help from different lactation consultants and they gave me different advices. But I never saw milk in my bottles reached the line of 2 oz. I blamed myself for such a long time. Now I feel maybe I should not pay so much attention on the milk supply. What I give to my baby is formula that is full of nutrient that he needs. It’s not poison. Thank you for sharing your stories and your videos support me all the time since I became a mom. Love you and your loving family!

[@cassielawson1810]

You are a fabulous Mom. I love how engaged you always are with your kiddos, getting messy playing with them, joining them in their world. Thank you for your honesty about breastfeeding. I am among countless women who can relate to you. I take/eat old fashioned oats and brewers yeast and switched to Spectra pump but yes milk production is so tied to mental health it's crazy! Thank you again!!!

[@Devla101]

Thanks so much for sharing. I needed to hear this today. Latching was a challenge from the off, so I think that didn't help my supply come in. A midwife told me to stop supplementing with formula as my supply will never improve, so I did. And my baby changed from being a really content baby to just miserable. It was clear, She was starving. Today we really have pushed the feeding including formula and she's so much perkier and happier. I find It hard to see I can't provide that for her. Breastfeeding is something I've always wanted to do, and it's just not gone to plan. I'm still trying, and I am starting to pump more than I have (still limited). We just need to decide if its worth pushing through and seeing if it does improve, and cope with my mental struggles through this challenge. It really is an emotional roller-coaster and always worrying if I'm not feeding and providing for my child enough. Sometimes I feel we would both be happier and less stressed if we just did formula, but I don't know if I'm ready to quit trying yet.

[@user-mu6um1cg6v]

Omg mama your not alone I'm here with you same experience your loved and you are doing everything you can as a mother

[@brittanymiller8855]

Kayla please listen, you are a wonderful mother. Things happen. It can and will be fixed. Hes happy healthy and loves food. I promise its going to be ok. Being hard on yourself isn't gonna help. We love you girl! I absolutely love your channel.

[@stardancer6594]

You are so brave and strong as a mama! Sometimes I need this reminder: YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR YOUR BABY! ❤️ Breastfeeding is so hard and you are doing a great job! You may already be doing this, but I’ve always heard food before 1 is just for fun and to feed baby a full nursing session no more than an hour before a meal so they fill up on the milk and the food is just extra calories. You may already be doing that because I haven’t heard you mention it but I thought I’d share. That’s something I’ve learned in preparation for the introduction of solids. Also be careful with fenugreek - it doesn’t always help everyone, with some people it has the opposite effect. I’ve been using sunflower lecithin and that has been working for me. Also have you heard of the sock trick for pumping? Cover the bottles with socks so you don’t see the milk and then look at pics of your baby while pumping so you trick your brain into thinking it’s the baby feeding. Breastfeeding is affected by stress so just stay positive. You’ve got this!!!

[@calicedetamarack]

Searching videos about women who formula feed/formula supplement, and stopping watching exclusive breast milk videos, helped me feel more positive in my own feeding experience. We are so hard on ourselves

[@cmkinkead]

You’re amazing. Seriously love your channel and how real you are. Its so relatable. I just had a similar experience to your experience with Riley’s birth and I know the struggle of the NICU and them legit telling you that your body is not adequate to feed your baby. Its traumatic, and we’re in a vulnerable hormonal state as well. We did 3 days in the NICU with our 40 week 1 day baby and I fought like HELL to establish breastfeeding and was constantly told I was not doing good enough by the hospital staff. Here we are 5 months in pumping and nursing and bottle feeding and I worry like you about weight gain. Ultimately it’s in God’s hands and we all do the best we can for our children. thank you for your vulnerability

[@beatrizmartinez4415]

Breastfeeding has been the hardest thing I've ever got to do. I bled, cried, my nipples were cracked and my baby was not gaining any weight. She was born at the beginning of this whole Covid-19 situation and my husband had lost his job, so hiring a lactation consultant was out of the question. We live in Central America, and hiring a professional like that is a luxury not many people can afford. I looked up online and realized that supply was not my problem, my issue was the latch. I started supplementing with formula and pumping, because I couldn't stand the pain any longer. My husband's family were very critical of my decision, apparently enduring pain is part of the breastfeeding journey. According to them, choosing to bottle feed my child made a coward and less of a mother. Of course, my anxiety and stress levels went through the roof and got depressed, thank God my husband was there to support me. She is now a happy, healthy 6 month old baby girl. Don't get discouraged, Jackson will continue to thrive. 🥰

[@ashleynicole2546]

Beatriz Martínez My baby never latched well. His first feed from birth was from a bottle because I was put under for a C section after being in labor for 2 days and pushing for 5 hours and not getting anywhere. I tried to breastfeed for 2 months, but he never did well with it and I always had to pump after, so I finally gave up and just started pumping. While it was a pain and not the most fun experience, I feel good that I was at least able to provide milk for the first 6 months of his life :) I weaned him at 6 months because I was just tired of pumping and he is now 10 months and just as happy and healthy on formula. You are feeding your baby and that is what matters :)

[@alidincher5552]

Breastfeeding is such a rollercoaster. You are doing such a great job. Thanks for speaking out about your struggles ❤️

[@alyssamartinez5279]

Watching your video on Jackson being underweight has helped me so much! My baby is a month younger than Jackson and he’s just as petite! This video is exactly how I have been feeling. I went to the store, bought the cookies, fenugreek, all of it!!! Thank you, thank you for your transparency and insight. LOVE YOUR VIDEOS💕

[@gggirl9630]

This was so emotional to watch 💔 I wouldn’t have even realised that something like pumping could be so traumatic for you because of the NICU experience. I think it’s very brave of you to share your experience and to make other aware. Every mum and baby is different and it just shows that people need to be kind because you just don’t know what someone else’s struggles may be xxx

[@MaritsaElena]

Thank you so much for sharing this ,it has truly touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes 🙏 . Reading through the comments and seeing how we are not alone really helps and to know that the struggle is REAL 😭. I love that your videos are always so honest and real, you are an amazing woman and mama! thank you again for sharing your story. I am struggling with my breast-feeding journey with my 3 week old baby boy.. most days I want to give up.. the pain, the stress, the anxiety... don’t know how, but somehow I keep going.. when it does get too hard I supplement with formula.. as long as baby is fed 😞🙏💚

[@kristenbartel9180]

You are so incredibly kind to share such a personal journey. ❤️ I completely understand! Breastfeeding is so hard. It effects us mentally and emotionally, and I wish people would talk about that more!! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope other mommy’s start sharing more about their breastfeeding journeys. It really helps to know that we all have our struggles. We are not alone in this! I was a wreck the whole time I breastfed my little one. He had so many allergies to my breast milk, and no matter what I did and how I changed my diet, he had some pretty serious reactions to my milk. It made me feel terrible that I couldn’t give my baby what he needed. :( After a TON of trial and error with my diet, the Ped recommended that we switch to formula. So after four and a half months of trying, and frankly being too emotional to wean, we finally made the switch to formula. It was so hard to accept that my milk wasn’t good for my baby, but now he is SO happy and SO healthy. I am so thankful there was a formula that worked for him, and it doesn’t cause him discomfort or pain. P.S. You’re positive attitude and encouragement is wonderful. Keep it up! 💕

[@sarahrenae6088]

God bless you! ❤️ I hate pumping...I was like you, would pump and not get much and would see others pumping ounces and ounces. But, I decided I would not pay attention because I knew my baby was getting what he needed because he was growing, happy, and slept well. I've also heard that baby's can express milk better than a pump. So that also reassured me. My biggest tip is to let baby feed whenever he wants because this is direct communication with your body to make more. Sent with love. 💕

[@cindelallen528]

Thank you! Breastfeeding is so hard and everyone assumes it's easy. Everyday is a struggle but you got this!

[@19lalitaa]

You are a great momma! My daughter is turning 9 months on the 16th and I’m still breastfeeding but it is hard because I thought I wasn’t producing enough milk. At 2-4 weeks I hadn’t established a good enough milk supply and doctors and breastfeeding consultants told me she was loosing too much weight and it killed me! It made me depressed and they suggested supplementing with formula and not giving up on my breastfeeding journey. Within a week she gained weight and looked so much healthier. I’m glad that I kept latching and breastfeeding her. She has been strictly breast fed since then. I don’t pump either because I wouldn’t get more than 2 oz in 20 minutes and I would feel like crap and get down on myself. But I just go off of her cues and when she lets go. You’re such an inspiration to me &You’re doing an amazing job! Keep up the good work!

[@JJ-uv1nz]

What great timing for this video for me. I have a three week old and we have been struggling with breastfeeding. He eats formula and I pump every 2-3 hours, and power pump, for him but I only get an ounce (or less) each time. Because I know my supply is so low I don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding him because I can’t see what he is getting. When we do breastfeed he gets so frustrated and gets a bottle right after. He had low blood sugar when he was born and needed formula right away. With it being my first baby I didn’t understand how to keep my milk supply up and now it’s a struggle. Yesterday I was feeling so down about it, it’s hard not to feel inadequate. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️

[@Ashley-om6zo]

I couldn’t breastfeed either of my kids because my supply was so low. I tried longer for my first baby but she was losing weight so I started giving her formula right away.There’s so much craziness around breastfeeding these days, a lot of people look down on you for formula feeding and it can make you feel so crappy ☹️ I know that embarrassment and feeling like a bad mom because you’re not a milk machine but that’s just not true and we should never feel that way ❤️

[@meganbach3473]

First off you are doing great mama!! Second thank you for this video!! I am one of those women who have a low milk supply, no matter what I do I do not produce much, I can pump every 2 hours and only get about 4 ounces each breast total. I have to pump because my let down isn't fast enough for her nor do I produce enough. Not being able to breastfeed my baby is one of the reasons for my Postpartum depression. I have to supplement with formula because I dont have that supply. I had to get into the mind set FED IS BEST!!! All the hugs to you!!! Love ya xoxo 😍

[@novasmotion]

Man, this spoke to my soul. I couldn’t quite put into words how I was feeling in regards to how breast-feeding affects your mental health, and I feel like you spoke exactly what I couldn’t say. Thank you so much, from one mom who struggles with anxiety to another. Even though my baby is growing just fine, I still want to make sure that I’m doing my absolute best by him, and it’s so easy to time my worth as a mom to how much milk I’m able to pump out. Much love from my new subscriber ❤️

[@shaguftakhan4423]

Hi Kayla, you have pretty much shared most of the anxieties I have faced with breastfeeding and pumping. My second baby is underweight and has been since my whole pregnancy. I had pre eclampsia so he was always monitored for growth and was below centile for everything. He is now just over 7 months and has been on the 2nd centile since birth. He was in the nicu for a few weeks after birth which as you know is incredibly difficult. As you put it, you will always do everything in your power to help your baby and you are doing that for Jackson and Riley. I have been following your channel since I had my second baby and it has got me through lockdown.Don't worry about the low milk supply issue, you are doing all the right things and hopefully it will increase. If it helps, I was told by one of the nurses in Nicu to pump between 12pm to 5pm because that's when you get the most milk and to nurse/pump at least 8 times in the day to establish a good milk supply. I share your pain with pumping so do what you feel is best for you. As long as Jackson is happy with the feeds whether it is milk or solids that's all that matters. Hopefully his weight will increase.

[@Weirdgirlie]

Thank you for making this video. This is a more realistic breastfeeding situation and you just don’t hear about this enough on KZbin

[@ruthchun92]

I feel for you girl, days that I don't produce as much i feel like my confidence in myself as a mother takes a hit. It sucks that I can be so upset just because I didnt hit a certain mark on the bottle when pumping. Prolactin levels are highest around 3am so middle of the night pumps are super essential for me. Power pumping has also saved me time and time again. Some mothers don't leak, I never EVER leak , even when I've gone 7 hours without pumping. You're such an amazing mother and I love your videos. Thanks for putting this out there, its hard to talk about but you've helped me feel like I'm not alone.

[@ashleynicole2546]

Girl, I was an exclusive pumper for 6 months. You need to pump longer than 10 minutes to produce more milk! That is probably enough for one let down, so you may not be fully emptying. Also, you use the Elvie, which also NEVER worked well for me. Use your Spectra for your night session and I think you might see a difference!! I would also look into pumping settings for the spectra using legendary milk or pump mama pump IG accounts. You need to kind of adjust the settings while pumping in order to get the best output. Staying on one setting the whole time won’t work. I would pump for at least 20 minutes too. I always did 20-30 minutes for my pump sessions and would get about 5-7oz, granted I was not nursing too, but I pumped 5-6 times per day and kept up my supply. I weaned because I was over pumping all the time! (Also, I only leaked when I held the baby tight against me at a weird angle. Overall, I didn’t just leak randomly but more so when my boobs were being pushed on!) Second edit, this is not meant to sound harsh at all. I just wanted to offer some advice that worked for me. I literally had no idea how to pump or what was even involved when I started. I just researched and had trials and errors to see what worked for me. I do think the Elvie is not the best indicator of your milk supply though. I would get next to nothing using that pump, but then I would pump right after with my Spectra and get tons more.

[@Cutieangelxz]

As a first time mom, I completely understand what you mean when you say you feel inadequate for not being able to get enough to fill a bottle. There was a night where my 1 month old just wouldn't stop trying to nurse. I thought it was crazy that she would still be hungry. And then it dawned on me that she wasn't getting any milk. I got her a bottle and she drank the entire thing and fell asleep. And I just cried. I thought I was a horrible mother for not being able to feed my baby. I'm ok with it now, but it was so hard in the moment. Thank you so much for sharing your experience Kayla. And know that you are not alone.

[@chloenicole6081]

This this this. Thank you. I have got 7 months and my milk supply has dropped. And I cannot get it to increase. Some days are harder than others. This helped me feel not alone. And yes, I am constantly power pumping because I’m nervous and scared I’m not producing enough. But fed is best. And I am supplementing at the moment and that’s okay.

[@b33nab]

Your a great mother.... no one can be greater mother then self ....

[@vm1823]

You are so brave. Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts. Its comforting to hear other moms ate going through the same problem. God bless 🙏

[@erykamartinez169]

Kayla, I understand what you mean about pumping. Whenever I hear it or see it, it brings back so many bad emotions. I feel traumatized. I was never able to breastfeed and it was so hard for me. Whenever I pumped I would get 1 oz and feel so sad that I couldn't produce enough milk for my little girl. 😔 A lot of people would put me down and I felt like the worst mom. I know what you mean about not being against formula and wanting to breastfeed. Don't let anyone put you down. You take such good care of your babies. Jackson is so active, smart and loves food! You are doing a great job! He's going to be fine because you will do what it takes and care. You guys are in my prayers. Even though we don't know each other in person I feel as if you are my friend. If you ever need a mom to talk to I'm here girl 💕 Motherhood is hard and emotional. We are all in this together! Judgment free 🥰 No mother is perfect.

[@twoplusyou1515]

You are doing such a great job mama! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Can you try pumping an hour after first feed in the morning? Usually milk production is highest during this time ❤️❤️❤️

[@twoplusyou1515]

Another thing that helped is using a hands-free pumping bra! That way you can pump both sides at the same time. For some reason, I have more success when I pump simultaneously! If you are interested, you can get them cheap at Target or Amazon!

[@maggijacob5461]

And thank you for sharing this information hopefully future moms can watch this!

[@inezaliaga4126]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It was very substantial. You saying these things really does make a big difference. Breastfeeding is a difficult and beautiful journey and you’ve done so well so far and continue to be a great mom! It has helped me to drink tons of water, eat oatmeal, and pump right after nursing for increased supply, even if that means increasing from 2 oz to 3 oz that’s good! God bless you and your family, Kayla 💗

[@melindamegan4193]

Thank you for this!😍 I am happy you are able to give your children breastmilk, even a little bit I'm sure is SO good for them! I stopped after 3-4 days because I was surrounded by lactation consultants and my body only gave colostrum (apparently not enough for my son). They all insisted my milk would come in and that even though his feeding was unusual (suck for 2 hours at a time, sleep for almost 20 mins), they were determined everything would work out. It never came in, he had latched perfectly, and I even had the woman in charge [whom I've known since I was a teenager] say after everything, "Well, that's strange." I felt like the biggest failure though more so because I had no one giving helpful advice, and I *knew* my child was starving. When I had to go back a few days later for physical and mental health evaluation, the lactation consultants/nurses there were *horrified* that I was given permission by 2 doctors to feed my newborn powdered formula.🤷🏻‍♀️

[@k1026143]

pumping isnt an indication of how much milk you have my daughter is 8 months shes 22 lbs when i pump i dont get anything. i would try power pumping i did that with my older daughter it helped.

[@jes5icaP]

Pumps only suck, and for many people that isn’t enough stimulation to even get a letdown. Well-latched babies remove significantly more milk than a pump - they suck and do a mechanical movement with their tongue to remove the milk.

[@innanananana83]

True! My daughter can empty both breasts in less than 10 mins. When I pump my boob still feels "full" after 20 mins.

[@kaylacoffin4435]

Breastfeeding is HARD mama. I know when my son was brand new I used the hakka I would get maybe 2 oz in a whole day and I felt terrible. I would hide it from my husband because I was so embarrassed. We supplemented with formula for a while until his weight gain picked up. Now that I'm back at work I pump 4x a week and it takes me 30-40 minutes and 2 letdowns to get 3-4oz combined on both breasts. I would see posts from moms who were getting 16oz every morning and feel so inadequate. But you are totally right - your worth isn't defined by how much you can produce! You're doing your best to take care of your little one and that's all we moms can do. There's so much pressure being a mom and with feeding our littles. It really helps to see you post about this and know that we aren't alone. 💜

[@Cox-qs3jh]

Kayla you are doing a great job, you have made it to nine months nursing and that is so hard! I had the same struggles and tried several teas and supplements to keep up supply and it is stressful and draining. This is just a recommendation, something that worked for me and my low supply is taking legendairy liquid gold supplements they have many different ones to try and you can also purchase them at Target.

[@jessicawood4599]

This video was exactly what I needed to hear today ❤️ I have to pump at work 2 days a week and I get so stressed out when I don't feel like I'm making enough. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to hide how much milk you get because you feel like you should have more. I am also dealing with the struggle of following an allergen free diet for my baby because he has an allergy to something I was eating. So many others, even past breastfeeding mamas, don't understand why I am choosing to try out the diet for my baby so I feel a lot of judgement surrounding that. But at the end of the day I have to remind myself that I'm the best mama for MY baby. You got this mamas 💪

[@mrsbethany]

So many hugs! With my first baby, everything about breastfeeding was easy as it could be. He latched, he ate and gained weight without much effort from me. He was 28 lbs by his 6 month appointment just from my breastmilk. When I got pregnant with my second, I assumed the same would happen especially since I was still nursing my first. I was so wrong! She latched but wasn’t transferring breastmilk well. She lost so much weight that they had me do a weighted feed for her which is where we learned she wasn’t getting much milk from me and they couldn’t figure out why. I seen 4 lactation consultants who said everything was perfect and they couldn’t tell me what else but pump and feed her. I struggle so much with pumping that I only can get 6 ounces after pumping for 40 minutes. You are doing amazing!!!!

[@mandyhanson3372]

For the first week of my son being born, I pumped around the clock. My husband and I would celebrate when I got 1 milliliter of colostrum... My husband would bottle feed my son donated breast milk while I pumped and it killed me, being on the other side of the room and not ever participating in feedings. When we were sent home from the hospital 6 days later and I still had nothing to feed my baby, we chose formula. I went back and forth on the decision 100 times, but I felt so free when I finally decided to close the book. Feed him formula and BE PRESENT. You are a rockstar and you might feel a billion burdens lighter if you decide to close the book. Love your family and your videos 💛

[@mandyhanson3372]

My comment should have read: “I felt so free when I finally decided to close the book, feed my baby formula and be present” I am soooo sorry if you took just as it sounded, like me saying to feed Jackson formula and be present. Should have proof read but I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I needed to clarify! 💛

[@alyssas5100]

I relate to what you are saying so much. You sharing how you feel about it and your struggles makes me feel like I'm not alone. You are a great mom! You do the best with what you know and the information you have, and you did the best. ❤

[@lindsaybauer6295]

Thank you for this video!! I had every intention of breastfeeding when my daughter was born a month ago..I knew it would be hard but I wanted to. I was up against a wall it felt like though because on the night we came home from the hospital my daughter was crying desperately and i had been nursing her for 1h20min and the same amount of time an hour before..we gave her formula and she chucked back 160ml. I pulled out my pump and had a few drops, I was so upset seeing my baby hungry (had also passed a sleepless night that last night in the hospital..she was hungry and i had low supply, my milk had only come in that day). We went to the hospital for her checkup and got told off for giving her formula, so only breastfed the next day. Went back to the hospital (this is because she had been losing weight since birth and not putting it on) and the nurses told me she had lost 10% of her body weight and I had to supplement. They put me on a schedule but honestly I am now just feeding her formula because I had cracked nipples, a week later mastitis, my daughter never even really wanted to nurse, once she was introduced to formula she would cry and refuse to latch until we gave her the bottle. I felt disappointed at first but now I feel fine giving her a bottle, my mom raised my brothers on a bottle and nursed me just for 3 mos but there is still a part of me that feels ashamed I am feeling her formula. But I know fed is best and I was a mess when she dropped so much weight. Now she is gaining right on track!

[@huishi7618]

Thanks for being so honest and real! I felt exactly the same way with my first child. If this can be to any comfort, where I live, it's quite common for moms to breastfeed only the first six months. Many moms go back to work after six months, and babies also start solid around that time. So you are actually already doing extra good job by breastfeeding so long!

[@howdy7771]

Thank you Kayla for sharing!!! I have been beating myself up these past couple days

[@nicoljazz8778]

My baby declined to breastfeed when she was 2.5 months old. I have tried everything. So I pump since then. My baby is a month younger than Jackson and I totally understand you. What I wanted to say is that my breastfeeding consultant said to use a double pump and pump for at least 30 min cause you have multiple let downs. You probably have more than you pump. I know its hard believe me. 😘😘😘😘Just try as you have the Elvie pump it's not something that requires staying connected to the plug. Best of luck. I'm following you from the UK.

[@aislingchepi11]

Also, it’s normal to produce less than an ounce after you breast-feed your baby and then you pump. I have low supply too and it’s a struggle I didn’t have plans on giving formula, but I have to because I can’t give my baby what it needs. There’s also a flow preference with the bottle. There’s also storage capacity to take into mind. Some women have larger storage capacity of 5 to 6 ounces, which is not common. The most common is 2 to 4 ounce storage capacity and small storage capacity is 1 to 2 ounces. I don’t react well to the pump so I’m not sure but I think I’m in the small storage capacity. I’m on supplements, pumping and triple feeding. It’s exhausting 😭 also, for lower storage capacity mom’s, the baby would be on her more frequently throughout the day to get the same amount of milk as a large capacity, Mama. Thanks for making the video.

[@rebeccastewart3360]

I’ve never related to a video so much! I’ve really struggled with breastfeeding too. I don’t think I realized how hard it would be. On top of my low milk supply, I have a mother in law who constantly tells me it’s wrong for me to breastfeed and I shouldn’t do it because she didn’t and her kids are healthy. That makes me even more determined to try to keep going as long as I can but it’s HARD! I really needed this video, thank you so much. Also, Milky Mama drinks and snacks have really helped me ❤️ Much love Mama

[@ohbrandyjune]

I feel for you, I’ve been struggling to increase my milk supply since July when I had my baby. I have tried every supplement , cookie, food, massages, hot compresses...nothing really seems to give me a big boost. My mother in law knows my struggles and she goes on and on about how easy and convenient breastfeeding is. She sees my bottles up on my counter drying and she’ll say “oh, well breastfeeding was just so much more convenient. I didn’t have to deal with sterilizing bottles. It was just so much easier to just breastfeed my babies” 😡 I got sick of it and snapped and said well it’s great that you had such an easy time and your baby wasn’t taken from you immediately after having an emergency csection and taken to the nicu. I’m glad it worked out for you so conveniently! We all do our best to take care of our babies and just ignore the snarky comments from your mother in law. ❤️

[@rebeccastewart3360]

@@ohbrandyjune Yes,thank you! Every child is different and as long as the baby is happy and healthy then that’s all that should matter. Trust me I’m close to that snapping point with my mother in law, but I’m trying to keep it together the best I can lol!

[@thedailymamaoftwo]

I wanted to breastfeed so bad, but I barely produced a drop of milk... I felt really sad for a while, but i'm just glad that my baby is eating well and I know for sure how much she is eating because she's on formula vs breastfeeding and not knowing how much she's getting. Blessings to you and your babies! Praying for y'all!

[@NYLuckyStar]

Kayla I just want to hug you and tell your story is my story 😭😭😭 but I’m sending you a virtual hug because I totally understand your pain. And trust in the Lord always he will take care of our babies. He gave us our little blessings and he will see for them. My babies are almost same age as yours. You’re doing great mama. I’m dealing with the same issues as I’m typing but we will get through. this love ya 😘🙏🙏

[@shakurar3570]

Wow I am getting crazy emotional watching this. My supply tanked at 6 months. I had surgery and was away from the baby for a few days. We had 2 checkups where he was less than 1 percentile. Things have been downhill since and we are now at 8 months. I made the difficult decision to supplement with formula and now he’s thriving. I have tried several different things and it’s all be difficult. I have felt like I am inadequate as a mother and relate to the guilt of not being able to make enough for your baby. It makes you feel like a failure. But you are not. You are enough and and you are an amazing mother. Your milk alone has sustained life for 9 entire months. That is no small feat. He will gain weight, don’t give up on your worst day.

[@tammypowell8382]

I don't always leave comments, but I just wanted to say I appreciate this video. I think my low supply was largely due to health complications that I had during a long labor and my body focusing on crucial healing rather than making milk. Thank goodness my baby was healthy! But I've been really sad about not even getting up to 1oz per day (right now it's less than 1mL per day). It's been frustrating watching so many videos that repeat the same advice over and over again and imply that it should work for everyone if you just follow their steps and suggestions. At least my baby's been able to enjoy that tiny "treat" I can give him on top of formula and a few drops to help with things like rashes, and I'm trying to accept that that's all I might be able to do. Talking about the mental health aspect of it is helpful, and I hope more and more mamas will feel supported in that regard.

[@KaylaBuell]

You are doing a wonderful job feeding your baby! Your baby is clearly loved and THAT’S what matters! And the fact that baby gets that treat is an awesome bonus ☺️ proud of you mama!

[@tammypowell8382]

@@KaylaBuell thank you!! :)

[@mspiffyj]

You are doing the BEST you can! We all are. The moment you left the pediatrician, you knew you were going to take action. That makes you an excellent mother. ❤️ I won’t share my personal BF story, but man was it rough the first two months. My baby ended up needed a laser procedure under his tongue and upper lip because he was tongue & lip tied. We put so much pressure on ourselves..... you mentioned on IG and in a past video about how social media isn’t real. Well the same thing applies to the mommy side of IG as well. Those photos of overflowing milk bottles are NOT a representation of all of us. Certainly not me. I love you, keep doing what you’re doing! And thank you for this video.

[@kaylahenderson8955]

Needed this. Thank you for your vulnerability.

[@thejessicagoodenough]

You've definitely helped at least one person. This was very relatable as we were readmitted to hospital when our baby was only a few days old because he had lost too much weight. It was one of the most heartbreaking times of my life. Anyway, great video, this is the kind of thing all expecting mums should be told. I'll make sure I share it! ❤️

[@jordynkahlbaugh]

Thank you for this video. I’ve been struggling with supply, and I need to supplement, and the mental struggle has been so hard. I, too, have had thoughts of feeling inadequate and sad that I’m not one of the moms that can make tons and tons of ounces. It’s nice to know other moms have these struggles 💕

[@ralu21188]

I wish all new moms watch this video. It's really important for every mom's mental health to know that if you can't breastfeed, that's ok, it doesn't make you less of a mom. In my country there's a fb group, breastfeeding support. But man, there isn't so much support as breastfeeding bullying. You are asked if you gave your baby a bottle and if you say you did, man, all hell breaks loose. That's why you can't breastfeed, because of that bottle, you are sabotaging your breastfeeding, you shouldn't give your baby formula etc etc. I swear, sometimes i see some posts that say that their baby isn't gaining weight or is losing weight, and they just keep telling to try again and again, forgetting that maybe that baby can dehydrate and die! I swear, these things have to be stopped. Congrats Kayla, for doing this video!

[@jennifergil844]

I feel you. I got really depressed about my milk supply when I just started nursing. One thing that did help my supply I felt, was drinking alpina avena oatmeal smoothies (super delicious!) and oatmeal cookies. You’re doing awesome and the best you can!!

[@miraclemakeup24]

Kayla!!! Fenugreek has evidence of tanking supply in women. Pump parts need to be replaced every month for best output. Pumping output does not equal what your babe is getting. For increasing supply feed him and pump afterwards, even if dry pumping because it will help tell your body that baby isn’t full. Let me know if you have any questions!

[@karasybrant8451]

Thanks for sharing this! It seems like so many videos I see are the moms with effortless oversupplies. I’m in the same boat as you. I don’t get much when I pump. You’re a great mama!! Don’t let this get you down. ❤️

[@kambhampavani5057]

You are doing a great job.I stopped nursing my baby when he was 6 months, because I didn’t have milk.So i started formula .He is 1 year now and he is doing good.Don’t worry everything will be alright.

[@katelincustodio7519]

I've learned that stressing about it made my supply low. When I let it go and just let him fed it helped a lot. My son is low on the chart too. I'm there with you❤

[@shaneeholloway3741]

Kayla you are doing a great job and are a great Mom. Don’t forget it. I went through something similar. With my first I had no problem breastfeeding. With my second I had to have emergency breast surgery after 3 weeks because my son wasn’t emptying my breast and one got infected. That left me with a flat inverted nipple. So when my third son came along 5 months ago breastfeeding was a struggle. He had a very hard time latching on. He would cry and get frustrated until we gave him the bottle. We kept with it for 2 months but eventually I gave in. Through the pain, cracked nipples and tears I tried. He’s doing great on the formula but I felt so guilty and bad because I couldn’t nurse him. I realize now that it’s ok and he’s good.

[@allynewt2818]

So I had a similar situation but my pediatrician said that the calories now on.. needed to come from the food, she said that he needed to eat 6 meals, I mean mean 3 meals and 3 snacks and only around 6 oz of milk. What she explained me that at this point my milk or most momas their milk doesn't have enough calories, so their principles source will be the food, and i have to include more things like lentils and beans, fish, avocado, etc. Before I was scared of he will choke so he will eat more puree than solids. He will have some finger foods. But don't feel bad, it happens. You are an amazing mom. If you need to switch formula do it. When mine turn a year old we started whole milk and the fat of the whole milk helped him to grain weight too. You are an amazing mom 💗

[@joiavespi4160]

500 videos! Congrats! I enjoy your videos and appreciate how open and vulnerable you are ❤️

[@ratelynnsilva8025]

Hey you know stress can cause low milk supply it is a proven study that the less stress you have the more milk you will produce it can be stressful staring at a bottle trying to get milk out try covering the bottle with a sock and trying to relax. Just remember that you are a beautiful intelligent woman God has blessed you with two beautiful babies. He wouldn't put you through something that he knew you couldn't handle. You are doing amazing job. ❤️

[@jourdanwinters7644]

Kayla, I’m currently and exclusive pumper going on 7 months now. I’m here to tell you, this was not my choice to do it this way. My baby refused to stay latched and despite tongue tie reversal and trying desperately to just nurse, she wasn’t having it. This was the only way I could get her breastmilk. This has been a huge undertaking and I pump 7 times a day for 30 minutes a session. You getting two ozs at 9 months without pumping at ALL isn’t bad at all! This isn’t for the faint of heart and I have had to WORK SO HARD to keep this up. You’re doing fine, and if you really want to up your supply, it’s possible! Pumping is so much work but if I can make enough, I know you can. Happy to help if you have questions.

[@philippapay4352]

Parents, grandparents, godparents, everyone has to get past the breastfeeding/BLW, etc., and just focus on what the baby's body requires for proper growth and development. Too many in the modern world focus it on themselves instead of their child. I have known people who could nurse the neighborhood and I have known those who had to start formula right away. I know people who had to start their toddlers on milkshakes due to being underweight a bit too much to be safe, but not malnourished. They were feeding them plenty, but they had been preemies and were active and needed just a bit more meat on their bones to be safe in the winter when the body burns more calories and if they got sick and couldn't do as much eating and drinking. So many women carry on about wanting to keep breastfeeding their babies after it has become clear that there are issues of one kind or another that their child is not responding as well as the pediatricians anticipate. But they don't want to go to formula when the baby is young enough to be more likely to accept it. In the old days, they just turned the baby over to a wet nurse. I don't think they shamed women as much then, because the child was still getting human antibodies in the breast milk. So, now you need to mix your milk with formula. You can try different formulas. Get a list from Jackson's doctor of ones that will help. Jackson appears to be developing well and is happy and not malnourished nor does he look frighteningly thin for a baby. If you know in your heart that you have not been stubborn at his expense about how or what you feed him, then that's all you need to know for certain so that you can continue acting in his best behalf. Do not let anyone shame you. Do not waste time on guilt. If you know you were not negligent in adding formula to his diet early on when your breast milk may not have been adequate, well it's done with now, it has not harmed him yet, and you can move on with a lesson learned. If you listened to the pediatrician, the lactation specialist, and a physician who understood colic-type issues in infants' digestive systems, and tried what they suggested, then you did all you could have. Has his pediatrician taken into account that he appears to have been a colicky baby or had acid reflux and nursed for quite brief periods before pulling away from the breast and getting rigid and crying? Does s/he know that there were real pushing-out-poop or gas problems for him? If they know all of that, have they considered that there may be other digestive problems that need investigating? And, if so, what are their reasons for not doing so? This is important for you to understand because you do not want your child going through any testing or medical procedures or even exposure to Covid-19 that is not necessary. I would imagine that because Jackson is so healthy, happy, normal, and not at all wasting away (he has a few rolls here and there) that they feel there is nothing serious going on. So, we are back to your being able to relax, yet follow or try the recommendations of the experts and being sure to not instill your panicky feelings about him and food into his eating habits. He needs to be able to enjoy a meal and it appears that he does love his mealtimes. Munchkin man is eating well, sleeping better, pooping better, playing hard, smiling a lot, and interacting well with everyone he knows. Sometimes we do not ask God what His will is for us. We tell God what we want, go after it, and then ask God to bless it, even if it was not His plan for us. Sometimes as parents, we know what we want and, by God, will have our way, even at the expense of a career, a spouse, a child, a family relationship. We get these notions in our heads of what right or good are and life is so much more fluid than rigidity allows. It seems you've absorbed many lessons of flexibility as a result of having children and a husband with a career that presents requirements that must be met. You are a person of good will and I believe you will endeavor in all things to look at the big picture and choose what is a moral, just, healthy thing to do for all involved. Try not to let your romanticized images of life and needs and relationships rule your decisions or emotions. Try not to make decisions about what sounds like a perfect family or situation that will spoil more realistic or even spontaneous experiences with the people closest to you. We all struggle to get our mental knowledge in sync with what our heart is feeling. Our rigid models of what should be will only make things ever worse as our families grow and children become teens. You are a good enough mother, Jackson is flourishing, your life is fairly stable. Enjoy it all.

[@steviefalk1398]

Check your pump parts too! Some parts wear out and it affects what you get. It took me 2 months to be able to be able to breastfeed. I just pumped for what seemed like hours and hours. That and supplements finally brought in enough milk that my baby was satisfied. I broke down and cried a few times. I felt like as a mom, that at the very least I should be able to feed my baby. As mothers and women we have so much more to offer. It’s important to remember that the milk in the bottle isn’t an indication of how loved or happy our babies are.

[@mags102755]

Hi Kayla, I understand your feelings. I'm glad you reached out. I think everybody has been offering good advice. I'm going to repeat something that I've said before. You are very hard on yourself. I think you should "let yourself alone". :-) This is something we mothers are not very good at. We blame ourselves for everything. But we've all seen what a good mother you are. You are indeed a rock star Mom. Hugs and lots of love.

[@susalkasarahi]

Luckily I've had the opposite issue, I overproduced milk in the beginning. My baby never quite got the latch down so I've been exclusively pumping for the 7 months of his life. I'm very grateful I'm able to produce enough to get him fed all day with my milk but sometimes I do feel like a robot cow. When he's very hungry and cries, I can't just pop a boob in his month cuz he doesn't know how to latch so I have to wait to warm up his bottle and those are the longest 3 minutes ever. I pictured this beautiful hippie dippy experience and I haven't had that.

[@nanaronhano337]

Same, mamá! My daughter had zero interest in latching and couldn’t transfer milk even with a nipple shield. I had a huge oversupply 80+ ounces in the beginning because LCs kept telling me every 2-3 hours for 20 minutes and my supply grew and grew. I hated every bit of pumping because I kept getting mastitis and clogged ducts too. We donated a bunch but I had to start weaning at 5.5 months because I was so unhappy with the leaking/engorgement/and pumping at night. We switched to formula at 7 months because she rejected my frozen milk. Anyways, I’m 17 weeks with number 2 and hoping and praying for the normal experience.

[@claudiafigueredo1427]

Thank you for being real. I am going through the same issue. What has helped me is manually expressing. I watched a video of a mom at a hospital is super old here in KZbin. You express with your hand as a "C". I understand your struggle, I am there. But,, you should know that you are an awesome mom.

[@faiiith7785]

Love listening to you and your stories love you all to pieces

[@vanessan2270]

Thank you for this video. I had planned to breastfeed my baby but God had other plans. It was so hard to emotionally adjust to reality and not feel like a failure. My son is now 11 months old and he is happy healthy and thriving and its still hard not to beat myself up for not breastfeeding!! All mama's struggle and all mama's need to give each other and ourselves some grace. Motherhood is hard.