British Guy Tries Malört - REACTION | Jeppson's Malort Review

Can Malört really be as bad as the legends claim? Today I'm finally diving into the Chicago native bitter liqueur to find out just how bad it can truly be. Malort face is a well documented side effect of having tried Malört owing to it's intense bitterness. But I'm a seasoned pro, surely it won't affect me?
Special Thanks to Erica and Jen for supplying the Malört!
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[@ericagerdes]

Hooray! You are now an honorary Chicagoan. You are welcome for the gift!

[@JohnsDrams]

Somehow after trying this I've been openly invited to the city by a lot of folk. So that's happened.

[@JohnOrleansCantDance]

TBH, Malort never goes bad, it starts out that way.

[@JohnsDrams]

It truly is the Sith of drinks.

[@GeeseFX]

The reason you're getting all those different, odd smells is because the way they make Malort is that at the factory every night when the Janitor mops the floors with pinesol and water, they save all the dirty water from the mop bucket and distill it and that's how they create Malort.

[@JohnsDrams]

Framing this comment.

[@BillPitcher]

I heard the legend of malort for decades before trying it. Then at a grocery atore tasting I tried it, aftee receiving all of the warnings. So my expectations were in the range of bitter musk. When I tasted it was like yellow grapefruit pith with simple syrup, mixed with floral gin and with a hint of pine. Which isn't that bad compared other spirits and beers. I have had far worse it is better than an several American IPA, low end whiskey, low quality malt liquors, most artificially roasted malt beers, and cheap tequila. I recommend mixing it with st Germain, gin, orange simple syrup, and some club soda. That way you can lean into it's bitter quality to had complexity, like adding grapefruit bitters to sprizer.

[@johnmartine4686]

They said I'd like it. I should have guessed as no one else had any. It reminded me of bile after you've been sick.

[@JohnsDrams]

This.

[@williambahrenfuss4961]

I think of it as fermented grapefruit juice 🤔 quite tasty really

[@pantsedjuniorhayseed4816]

malört: tonight's the night you fight your dad

[@JohnsDrams]

Pure demons in a bottle.

[@ChicagoTRS]

Pair it with an Old Style beer and you have a "Chicago Handshake"

[@padschicago]

I'm a Wisconsin transplant living in Chicago. Its a local favorite! You sent those ladies something from your region. They sent you the the local favorite. Aot of people get physically sick. 😂

[@Entiox]

I've had Malort, and I've had something actually worse than Malort. About a decade ago I attempted to make absinthe for the first time, and it did not go well. All the recipes I could find at that time were for 50 gallon, or larger, stills and my still is very small and only holds 5 liters. So I just did some simple division to figure out how much of each botanical to add. It turns out you can't do that and get a good result. I ended up adding about 5 times the amount of each botanical that I actually needed. One of the botanicals I added was osha root, which has a side effect of numbing your mouth. It turned out kind of like Malort, if you doubled the flavor, added in a near overwhelming flavor of osha (which isn't good), and a single sip of it made your entire mouth go numb for 10 minutes. Happily I've gotten much better at making absinthe since then.

[@JohnsDrams]

Fucking hell. I shall not be sampling your wares.

[@willjost2336]

As a Chicagoan, this video brings me so much joy. Back when we could go to bars, this was a must for anyone visiting from out of town. The look on everyone’s faces was just like John’s, haha. Great video, Cheers!

[@JohnsDrams]

I mean glad I could bring back some fond memories, at least one of us got something out of this.

[@mllawso1]

Here's a little bit more information on Malort: Carl Jeppson (the man who created Malort) owned a cigar shop and smoked like a chimney. Supposedly his taste-buds were so shot that Malort was one of the few things he could taste. Mr. Jeppson sold Malort door to door during Prohibition exploiting the loophole that it was legal "medicinal alcohol". Allegedly the Chicago Prohibition Unit Police accused Jeppson of selling booze illegally, but after one sip of Malort agreed it must be medicine, as *clearly* no one would willingly drink it recreationally. The original label more accurately described the liquor: *Most first-time drinkers of Jeppson Malört reject our liquor. Its strong, sharp taste is not for everyone. Our liquor is rugged and unrelenting (even brutal) to the palate. During almost 60 years of American distribution, we found only 1 out of 49 men will drink Jeppson Malört. During the lifetime of our founder, Carl Jeppson was apt to say, 'My Malört is produced for that unique group of drinkers who disdain light flavor or neutral spirits.' It is not possible to forget our two-fisted liquor. The taste just lingers and lasts - seemingly forever. The first shot is hard to swallow! Perservere [sic]. Make it past two 'shock-glasses' and with the third you could be ours... forever.*

[@JohnsDrams]

Thank you for the history!

[@adamzamora983]

I tell people that it's a bitter liqueur distilled from regret and sadness. Kudos to John Hodgman for this description.

[@JohnsDrams]

One of my favourite things to come out of this have been all the various descriptions to come out of it.

[@p8ntbll288]

Best thing to have to deal with a hangover, upset stomach, period cramps, and getting rid of people you hate. Also, Its a "Industry Drink" here in chicago. We love it. Also 3 bottles in my liquor pantry. Gave it to my sister as her wedding gift.

[@JohnsDrams]

She still speak to you?

[@p8ntbll288]

@@JohnsDrams Ha. She didnt even speak to me before the wedding. This just helped put the nail in the coffin afterwards. Her Husband loved it though since he was from Chicago. Her though... not so much. Better to give a gift that someone will remember, rather than a gift someone will forget.

[@p8ntbll288]

If you want a full 750ml, I'm sure we can help you acquire it. Also, try it as a bum fight. 2 oz grapefruit stiegl radler - 1oz Malort.

[@MrMorganwatch]

Once brought a bottle to a multi-family Thanksgiving. People are still raving about it. Grab a bottle bring it to a party, make it memorable.

[@JohnsDrams]

I think this year has been bad enough for everyone.

[@jeffkemp4392]

I did that once, me and two other guys sipped our way through the majority of the bottle....ride the wave.

[@TwelveFrames]

It mellows out the more you have.

[@soojmathur8160]

I am part of a Tottenham supporters group in Minneapolis, and we take a shot of Malort every spurs win.We call it, "The Awful taste of victory."

[@gregsmith8541]

Seems like something you do when Arsenal win. Also, hello from across the river.

[@JohnsDrams]

So bizarre you're the second person to bring this up on this very video! You brave lads!

[@Dan-si9pe]

If you ever find yourself in a Chicago bar, I'll buy you a few Chicago handshakes! They give you a shot a malort and an old style beer to wash it down. Really feel that Chicago history as you wash down the copper flavored Malort with a cold cheap beer haha

[@JohnsDrams]

Well now I'm scared...

[@JE-western-rider]

@@JohnsDrams The two fisted drinker refers to someone standing at the bar drinking a Chicago Handshake - Malort and an Old Style Beer.

[@aoletsg0]

Currently live in Chicago. Personally I actually like Malort. Very bitter, floral, lots of wormwood taste. It’s great with a splash of soda!

[@JohnsDrams]

Now there's something I didn't try...

[@gregsmith8541]

@@JohnsDrams Yeah, that’s a bit like saying, “before you beat me with a cudgel, I’m going to wrap myself in this duvet.”

[@maximiliangartner8221]

I love it also

[@alex_rodriguez77]

So Malort used to be made in Chicago by Jeppson’s, which was a Swedish family run company. They moved production to Florida after the distillery in Chicago that made it closed in the 70s. A couple years ago, CH Distillery bought it and brought it back to Chicago. They tweaked the recipe, and refined the distillation. My point is the Malort you tried is much cleaner and goes down much easier than the Malort I had back in the 90s when I turned 21. Back then you would go to Simons in Andersonville, which is a Swedish neighborhood in Chicago, and if you could choke down a shot they’d give you the first one free. Now it’s more of a bar scene status symbol than anything because if you can drink it without batting an eye it means you’ve been drinking in Chicago long enough to be used to it. There’s even a fancy cocktail bar that has it on draft, and the local fancy distillery makes a very refined Besk that is actually quite tasty.

[@JohnsDrams]

I think it's the cultural associations in Chicago more than anything that just fascinate me.

[@lotusdev]

Here in South Sweden (and over in Denmark) they drink this stuff voluntarilly. However, from the reaction I suspect this brew is much stronger. That last asumption may be wrong as when I tried a Danish bottle my reaction was much as we have seen. Checking the Swedish Wiki I was amused to read that it was, for a while in the 1920s, available on prescription only (or home-made of course).

[@JohnsDrams]

Maybe the Swedish are just made of stronger stuff. I'll stick to salmiakki.

[@timswabb]

@@JohnsDrams They also eat lutefisk.

[@hanswilhelmsen5432]

Yes, Prohibition was in effect in the United States during the 1920s. Alcoholic beverages were illegal, but there were exceptions for “medicinals”. Supposedly, Malört’s horrific taste convinced the authorities that it had to be medicinal-surely nobody could possibly consume it for enjoyment! LOL

[@rmyoung87]

Native Chicagoan here who has had it. It's as bad as he makes it sounds (as are all Besk/Baska schnapps, which this is what it is). I know drunks who down it no problem, my best guess is they have no taste buds anymore. And yes, the aftertaste is much worse than the initial flavor.

[@JohnsDrams]

I'd imagine if I smoked it would be great.

[@harriedavies3940]

can confirm.

[@fewlefttostand]

If you like grapefruit you'd enjoy it. I think it's just bitter and taste like grapefruit

[@gregsmith8541]

They don’t advertise (for obvious reasons) so a group of fans came up with these slogans: Malort: It’s easier than telling people you have nothing to live for. Malort: Kick your mouth in the balls. Malort: When you need to unfriend someone in person. Malort: Tonight’s the night you fight your dad. Malort: The champagne of pain. Malort: Turning taste buds into taste foes for generations. And these are the people who like it. It’s diabolical.

[@JohnsDrams]

Someone on Reddit recently came up with "tastes like an abortion in Iceland". I assume the country.

[@hanswilhelmsen5432]

My favorite is still… Malört: These pants aren’t gonna shit themselves.

[@charleslandsman9550]

I've worked in some pretty popular Chicago bars and the two fisted drinkers means you're supposed to drink it with a cheap American Beer. That's how most people drink it! Makes the cheap beer taste really interesting. It's a staple! People actually drink it regularly! Also it's the best gift to send to your friends and enemies. Tastes like biting into a grapefruit rind.

[@JohnsDrams]

I've loved a lot of the fan descriptions of the stuff thus far!

[@JE-western-rider]

Say it ..... don't be ashamed ..... say it loud ..... drink Marlort with Old Style Beer, the true Chicago Handshake.

[@airiakdrakkhen]

"It's like you dipped roses in burning plastic"... throw in sewage and you just hit the smell of Chicago! I'm only kinda kidding.

[@JohnsDrams]

And this is the place you all are so keen for me to visit?

[@hyemuhyemu8221]

hey we have rose gardens in grand park. it's pretty not kidding. id never tried malort

[@bethclarke3412]

I can drink it, but I wouldn't describe drinking it as a pleasurable experience.

[@JohnsDrams]

It's a lost bet in a shot glass.

[@salukidc]

Minneapolis Spurs fans drink it after Tottenham Hotspur wins to remind us not to get too full of ourselves when we win. It's a reminder that bad times can be just around the corner. I took my now wife to a Spurs game watching on our first Valentine's day. She saw me fan boi out, and did a shot of Malört. After all that she still thought "oh yeah, I want to be a part of this the rest of my life"

[@JohnsDrams]

Brave woman.

[@davidgulbransen5408]

You, sir, are welcome in the Windy City anytime! I mean, to not only try Malort... but to swish it in your mouth... and not once, not twice, but three times! Bravo! :)

[@JohnsDrams]

I had to be sure! I'd love to come visit, once the world is glued back together again.

[@chs76945]

@@JohnsDrams For the full experience ask for the Chicago Handshake-- they'll give you a shot of malort on top of a truly awful local beer.

[@nuclearbirds]

Many people have described the taste as “the liquid you’ll find at the bottom of an industrial kitchen’s garbage bag”.

[@JohnsDrams]

Can agree.

[@maskoftragedy]

If you ever try it again, try chasing with pineapple juice! Gets the bitterness out of your mouth better than water. I have several friends (all bartenders) who love this stuff, but I can't get past the tire fires.

[@JohnsDrams]

Maybe I'm just not a real bartender.

[@skepticaljesus]

Chicagoan here. I assure you we do actually drink this, and that you do come to like it after a while. And while it's not exactly pleasant the first time, I don't think it's as bad as this video makes it out to be, either.

[@JohnsDrams]

It caught me off guard for sure, but I'm reliably told it gets better.

[@timswabb]

People can get used to anything. But I still refuse to believe anyone drinks Malort privately for pleasure. If there's pleasure involved it's the pleasure of shocking your friends.

[@canaan5337]

Why do they make it? Is it just something that they make so when people visit Chicago they can try it and go “Oh yeah that is the worst”.

[@geoffreyreuther5260]

"This is atrocious. Let's try it again." Said like a true Gambler (the only other exclave besides Chicago that seeks this out)

[@JohnsDrams]

I mean points for thoroughness though?

[@ericm9252]

Malört: one bottle is a lifetime supply

[@JohnsDrams]

I'm scared people are going to send me more...

[@swingfire19]

Ok, Chicagoan here. This is what happens - happened to me, I've seen it happen to many others: - Try Malört for the first time (often when drunk, in shot form at a dive bar, as a hazing ritual from other Chicagoans) - Hate it - Haze other people, selling it as a "Chicago Experience", passing it forward - Ironically pretend to like it - Do this enough you actually start to not hate it - "Do I like Malört now?" - "Why yes, I WILL try that Malört cocktail, Mr. Hipster Bartender" - Look in the mirror and realize you no longer recognize yourself And no, it never does stop tasting like band aids smell. But you get Stockholm syndrome.

[@djjerome]

Stockholm syndrome? Makes sense considering the product was invented by a Swedish immigrant.

[@teresalopez2276]

Buenas noches amiguito sin afán de ofender pero existe tu vídeo subtitulado al español? Me interesa ver tus vídeos pero solo hablo español 😢

[@Revener666]

I just got a whole bottle from my brother in US. :)

[@tedwhammy]

My friend told me that it tastes like a bitter drink with pickle juice added. I think that's pretty accurate

[@JohnsDrams]

See I dunno - I quite like pickles.

[@MaxEllis]

Malort is delicious! This guy is being overly dramatic. It is a little bitter, but not too much. Me and my buddies routinely grab chicago handshakes when out at the bars.

[@TimothyDurnbaugh]

It's a drink that was made as an after drink an aperitif. If you have a belly full of fatty foods and strong flavors you need some thing to finish the meal, Malort is your drink or jagermister.

[@JohnsDrams]

I reckon I'll stick with sherry on Christmas Day.

[@c1ph3rpunk]

Chicagoan here, it’s better than it used to be, the 90’s version tasted like nuclear waste. It’s up to rotten toilet water filled with rabbit puke and a side of volcanic ash. It’s great to watch non-Chicagoans drink it the first tine. I’ve also used it to clean marking fluid off metal in the machine shop.

[@AtlantaSoundGuy]

Well put. Seems accurate.

[@AtlantaSoundGuy]

"For a brief second, it's quite floral, and then there's just this wave of suffering..... "

[@c1ph3rpunk]

Guy at work came back from some Eastern European country with a bottle of what he called “a cheap knockoff Malort”, I wasn’t even sure how to take that let alone drink it. But, I’ve heard whatever country it originally came from still makes the stuff, family distilleries and such. And by “family distillery” I’m guessing that’s “old Jeb’s illegal basement still fueled by former Soviet rocket fuel”.

[@JohnsDrams]

I get the feeling this stuff would find use in a shed.

[@JohnsDrams]

I stand by it.

[@brymilan]

I just sampled a healthy sip the other day at a bar in Indianapolis. I really didn't get the bad from it.

[@JohnsDrams]

You are made of iron.

[@GoodDrPhil]

I love this stuff because it speaks to the profound bitterness of my soul! So much so I used to make it from scratch with wormwood and vodka. Now we can get it outside of Chicago! I drink it out of the freezer and chase it with lager or some non-hoppy Ale or other beer! I used to feed it to unsuspecting people but I am trying to make an effort to rein in my casual bullying.

[@JohnsDrams]

You sound like a pleasure at dinner parties. How do I apply to be your friend?

[@GoodDrPhil]

As someone who habitually drinks Malort alone I hate myself and have but few friends. These videos don’t entirely suck however, so you’re firmly in my good graces. I recommend some Underberg next or some Latvian Riga Black Balsam (not as bitter as Malort of course but makes Fernet Branca taste like an after-dinner mint).

[@hplovemalt2448]

We commend you for your bravery and the valuable work you’ve done for science today 💯

[@JohnsDrams]

I get medal now, yes?

[@TheB33rgut]

I actually like malort

[@travisbounds4746]

Malort is fine. you learn to love it..

[@JohnsDrams]

Debateable.

[@SaltyPirate71]

You should send the other bottle over to Ralfy! I'm sure that the post to the Isle of Man isn't that much. Lmao

[@JohnsDrams]

And then I can be hunted down and burnt at the stake for accidentally killing him.

[@SaltyPirate71]

@@JohnsDrams Hahaha! I started to say something about Malört tasting like mouthwash and embalming fluid, then I remembered he's an mortician.

[@jeffhouse9387]

It tastes like a Gypsy curse.

[@BoutTime73]

Had over 100 shots of Malort, doesn’t really grow on ya. It’s flavored with wormwood and right nasty. Kind of tastes like you threw up in your own mouth.

[@KakairoC21]

It's not gone off. It never goes off.

[@JohnsDrams]

Nothing will kill it, it seems.

[@JakeOBeer]

Why do I want to try this so bad

[@JohnsDrams]

Y'know I gots some spare goin'.

[@twylotwo]

It can't be as bad as that jumper.

[@erik.pajula]

You have to shoot it. You're right about the rush of floral, followed by the *sick* taste. I can shoot Malort all night, but when you swish it in your mouth I felt sick. The comment about trying to poison yourself, and this is the last thing you taste made me lose it. When you talked about drinking this on a challenge or because you hate yourself. Welcome to Chicago, bud. Last year I married my wife from Texas in the city. Got to introduce her whole side of the family to Malort. I think I had more shots of it that week than I had my whole life.

[@JohnsDrams]

I would imagine that half of the family don't send Christmas cards anymore? Thanks for checking out the video!

[@matpaul4186]

Don't swish it around

[@RobPento]

11:24 Why did I do that for a 3rd time? Obvious answer: you are a masochist (Proven by: 12:51). 🤣 Sure, you can get "used to it", but life it too short to try it more than once, when many other substitues exist.

[@wildricefouru]

😂 my sister and I have had it. We both graduated from a tiny town West of Chicago. It’s pretty terrible.

[@JohnsDrams]

We agree.

[@Revener666]

Malört. Ö not O .

[@pothospathic]

God help me, I love Malort. I have no idea what's wrong with me. The exhale on it is breathtaking.

[@JohnsDrams]

I mean... each to their own?

[@miltonquaffalot1777]

I grew up in Chicago, and Malort is truly awful. To me, it always tasted like ear wax and heartbreak. After a couple of shots though, they go down pretty easy. The worst part is that the taste lingers for what seems like forever. I live in Asia now, and I wish I could get it here just so I could torture my friends.

[@VinylBeats1029]

Tastes and smells like rubberbands and kerosene. Never again 😂

[@JohnsDrams]

I second these notes.

[@GreatExplications]

You won my sub.

[@JohnsDrams]

Happy to have you onboard!

[@0529mpb]

You were much too sober to drink Malort.

[@JohnsDrams]

Word

[@psywiped]

So i take it you haven't seen this then kzbin.info/www/bejne/p2jWYmmbrLVkiLc Though it really does grow on you, as you have it in multiple sessions the flavors when you drink it really do start to blossom. The after taste mellows out and you start to savor the flavor of each sip. The one place it shins is if you have a upset stomach, it really does help to settle what ails you.

[@JohnsDrams]

I actually have seen it! I feel I'm going to be revisiting this at some point.

[@garteaga482]

It’s horrible. Never drink this.

[@JohnsDrams]

I really wish you'd told me this yesterday :(

[@garteaga482]

@@JohnsDrams LOL - I once watched a friend drink 3/4 of a 750ml bottle of this once. He did not die but I don’t think he’s ever been quite the same.

[@solgalder]

Try prenounce it mal-OOER-th, instead of malert....

[@JohnsDrams]

That's me told.

[@williambahrenfuss4961]

😆