Brits are better than Americans at small talk. here's why.

[@GirlGoneLondonofficial]

One of the best books on "British quirks" is this book by Kate Fox - she's a British anthropologist who has hilarious and wonderfully informative insights into Brits. Maybe a good Christmas gift? amzn.to/3ZCNdZg

[@nickm8494]

I agree it's a great book. I found it funny how she had to overcome her Englishness to perform social experiments about crossing boundaries, like jumping queues or standing too close to someone!

[@FalcomScott312]

Happy Holidays Kalyn 🎅💚❤🎁✨

[@MichaelDeakin-or8yu]

Torrential rain: "It's a little bit wet out there!" Hurricane: "Bit fresh out there" Minus 10 C: "It's a little chilly outside"

[@Varksterable]

​@@MichaelDeakin-or8yu 40 C: a tad warm. 50 C: Quite lively! 10 C: Coldish? 0 C: Close to freezing -1 C: Coldish? -10 C: Actually freezing - 20 C: A bit kind of ... 'meehh..' Storm warning: That's 'merican stuff. Hurricane warning: I saw that on a movie once; it's fine. Flood warning: Really? I'll have to get the inflatables out of the shed again, I guess. Heat warning: Popsicles! Get the juice in the freezer and put me in my Aussie outfit. We're going to the beach!

[@johnclark2751]

I agree, it's a great book, but limited - it's about the English, not the Brits, and she really doesn't compare 'English' culture with (say) Scottish culture or Welsh culture, which are different, let alone anywhere else - or even highlight the north/south or city/rural cultural divides! And as to her pub cosy experiences where she got the nickname 'Professor' and all the regulars knew each other - sorry, I live in central London, and I don't think there are many 'locals' like that any more!

[@patberryman1290]

My British/Canadian father used to say that a North American would walk the length of a train in order to find another passenger to talk to; and a British would walk the entire length of a train in order to find an empty compartment!

[@ceejay0137]

That's a rather sad comment on how under-used American trains are!

[@heavywithhoping]

@@ceejay0137 conversely, uk trains are well over capacity 😭

[@Ciotat1895]

Absolutely!

[@omegasue]

Your father was exactly right🎉

[@fayesouthall6604]

😂😂

[@jbrown-acuity]

As a Brit there is a funny situation I can get into with Americans. If I am complaining about something an American will try to fix my problem. They don't realise I that only want to complain about it and that I have no intention of actually solving my problem.

[@GirlGoneLondonofficial]

This is so true! I definitely do this.

[@jamestaylor961]

Ha ha exactly this- we just love a good old moan!

[@johnkitchen4699]

So true. I don’t mind suggestions that can help me fix it, but have difficulties with replies beginning ‘You must/need to, etc’

[@jamestaylor961]

@@johnkitchen4699 Most of the time we don't even need the input- we know exactly how to fix it but just want to offload! I suppose in a way we're quite passive aggressive in that way- something my wife can attest to! 😂😂

[@stephenlee5929]

Worst possible result is they manage to fix the 'problem'...Now what can I complain about?🤔😞

[@Troubleatmill-h6d]

We engage in small talk with a lady at our church and often she sits next to us and we have a good chat This has been going on for around 3 months now but we still have no idea of her name. And she has never asked us for ours. Now that's being English for you!

[@GirlGoneLondonofficial]

Love this!!!

[@grahvis]

I like the country buses in Wales. People living miles apart will chat happily together when the only thing they have in common is they often catch the same bus

[@Pesmog]

One of my mates used to enjoy a drink with a guy called Jack at the local pub once a week. He told me that it was about 10 years before he finally found out Jack's family name 😊

[@ninap451]

Literally same with all the other dog walkers in our village. I do know all the dog's names though lol.

[@zerowhite2286]

Well, he wouldn’t want to be too forward.

[@nathanwaight]

My favourite small talk: Person 1: Alright Person 2: Alright End of conversation. Both a greeting, questions and answers all in one.

[@Poliss95]

@nathanwaight That's a bit over the top. What's wrong with the good old fashioned nod?

[@DavidPaulMorgan]

👍👍👍👍👍

[@Torashin1]

You can even use modifiers to inject a bit of personality - I'm a fan of "Al-reet", and "Aw-white".

[@keithgriffiths9864]

Northerner: Al-reet Southerner: Aw-white

[@sparking2016]

The British sailed the seven seas. Explored much of the planet. Conquered much of the globe. Endeavoured to touch every corne of every continentr. Why??? Anything to avoid the awkwardness of talking to the neighbour. For us, Small talk isn't about interracting, it's a deflection tactic while looking for an escape route.

[@wispa1a]

Well said.

[@demolisherbpb3390]

My favourite small talk cheat here in England is "Can you belive it's already [month]?" it's garunteed to just elicit a "times just flying right?"

[@Andrew-jb2ib]

I used that once, and rather than getting the expected dialogue back, I was told that I was too young to say something like that and clearly needed more excitement in my life.

[@TheCatBilbo]

"Oh, I know - can you BELIEVE it's nearly Christmas, already?! Crazy, only seems like it was August a second ago! No, I've done nothing - as usual. Not even written a card. It's still so mild, isn't it? Mind you, there's a cold snap forecast"...

[@etherealbolweevil6268]

Indeed, the highly predictable nature of these conversations enables a period of grace in which both (all) parties can assess each other without having to think about the conversation before, "Well, busy busy busy, gottago."

[@IanJames-n9f]

Well, better let you go, see ya later

[@etherealbolweevil6268]

@@IanJames-n9f Ta mate.

[@GuildOfTheBlackCrow]

As a Brit, if you keep asking me questions and telling me how good I look, i'll see you as either insincere or a stalker.

[@MiscellanyTop]

@@akula9713 Accepting a compliment? Good God (wo)man, that's a threat to the whole of British culture. Actually, I hate compliments - seem somewhat creepy, however, well intended. Oh, I forgot, I don't receive any. Thank goodness!

[@HaniaTauqeer-c2k]

I completely agree. Just today my friend told me she liked my nail varnish and I had no idea how to react so I smiled, mumbled a thanks and shuffled away.

[@Beaver867]

Stalker or mugger all day long !

[@neilog747]

Go on. Live a little. Wouldn't either be REALLY REALLY interesting?

[@shaunfarrell3834]

@@akula9713 There is nothing more calculated to induce terminal embarrassment in us than offering a compliment. We have no idea how to deal with it.

[@SeeDaRipper...]

My favourite finisher in small talk..."Anyway."

[@ceejay0137]

"I'll let you get on . . ." Translation: I'm done with this conversation - byeee!

[@rupeoverlay3153]

‘Right’

[@googa319]

I see you know your small talk well!

[@SeeDaRipper...]

@@ceejay0137 But 'Anyway' precedes that😉

[@yasminm7157]

‘Anyyyhoo..’ to make the ending less abrupt and non-offensive 😂

[@cmdrecycledteenager]

Small talk is wonderful! Working in London in the 80's, early 90's, if I arrived at an overcrowded bus stop, as a northerner, I would smile, say hello and comment on the weather. Cleared the bus stop in record time allowing me to easily access the bus and find a seat!!!

[@barriehull7076]

Or you (insert insult).

[@woodencreatures]

My friend used to get on the tube at rush hour (me behind him) with his hand outstretched as if to shake somebody's hand. He would do that going down the carriage and people would move like Linford Christie to avoid him, we had so much space haha

[@noelsalisbury7448]

Now, they just don't understand what you're saying- because there's 6 different languages going on.

[@JustMe-ks8qc]

I flew twice from the UK to California by myself. The first time i was sitting next an American lady who talked at me for the entire 10 hour flight. I think i knew everything about everyone she knew by the time we landed. She was lovely, but 10 HOURS! Second time i was sitting next to a man who was under a blanket before i even got on, didn't get up or speak, but farted constantly for the whole flight. Not sure which was worse.

[@theborderer1302]

The American women

[@noelsalisbury7448]

Yeah, you can get a blanket of your own , to isolate the smells.

[@susanashcroft2674]

I used small talk today as a way of both easing a potentially awkward situation and showing a shared understanding that we were both struggling with our mobility. It was raining and I was walking in a confined space with my stick when an older man was coming the other way also with his stick. It was clear we were both struggling and more so in the rain. So as he approached I said 'It's as well we didn't enter Strictly this year!' (Dancing with the Stars in the US). He smiled and commented that we wouldn't get very far if we did. Another man as he passed by shouted out 'seven' a well known phrase from the show in a particular accent said by a former judge on the show. To which as we went our ways I could hear the man on his stick singing 'Shall we dance' from the musical 'The King and I' Sometimes a little humour and banter helps lift spirits as you never know someone may be having a tough time.

[@caromurray6152]

Brilliant

[@brucegoatly]

This is another entirely typical British (English) approach. And it's very much mine too. If I can brighten someone's day, I'm happier too.

[@Jessepigman69]

I’m a barista. Terrible at small talk but it’s part of the job. I think the weather saves my skin and makes me look like a functional adult more than any other subject.

[@AlOh-2]

If you get stuck, just ask them questions. What’s your name… Is that your favourite drink… Do you work local…. Are you on your lunch break etc Let them do the talking 😉

[@Jessepigman69]

@ I do try but it sounds so forced and unnatural I end up looking like Zuckerberg

[@grahamtravers4522]

A smile always helps ...

[@Jessepigman69]

@@grahamtravers4522 aye you say that like we’ve met before

[@Krakenekark]

I work in an escape room, and we literally have a crib sheet for small talk topics for when people are waiting

[@graceygrumble]

I was once on a flight to America, many years ago, and was sat next to a Vietnam vet. This bloke gave me his life story. He totally spilt his guts about every trauma he had been through. It was astonishing to me. It was also totally gripping, I have to say. I obviously made all the right noises and gave appropriate reactions as he unburdened himself. I often think about him and hope that he is ok. I can't imagine a British friend revealing as much until we had been friends for years!

[@MiscellanyTop]

And I thought you meant an animal-doctor at first.

[@biaberg3448]

You were a total stranger to him, and he knew you will never meet again. So it was safe to telle everything to you, things he’ll probably never tell his friend. A free therapist. So good of you to let him talk and listen carefully. I assume it ment a lot to him.

[@graceygrumble]

@biaberg3448 I hope you're right. He turned into a weeping, snottering mess - intermittently - while recalling the pain. He blasted through my 'comfort zone'. That conversation, from London to Chicago, is one of the deepest conversations I have ever had, but I can't remember the bloke's name. I know that we 'bought' each other numerous rounds of alcohol from the free bar. 'Lubrication' makes the conversation flow - very much a British trait. I never lost the feeling of this interaction being extraordinary.

[@JohnDallaway]

Just finishing a coffee in San Francisco a lady at the next table asked my name & where I was from. Replying John, I live in the UK, she said "Oh I love London but my friend Richard lives in 'Edinburg', do you know him?" Hesitantly I reply "Yes, I saw him only 2 weeks ago, should I send him your regards next time?" She's overjoyed as I make my escape, feingning meeting my wife who's shopping nearby...I still wonder if she'll ask the next person from England if they know her friend John, from London...🧐😂

[@RogerBentley-be3mr]

One of the most relatable cartoons I have ever seen is from Finland and shows a fresh passenger getting on a bus. There is one person sitting on every double seat and the new guy is like "Oh no! The bus is full!"

[@richard_ager]

I'm British (from London) and your observations on small talk are spot on! 👍 Anyway, I'll let you go now... byeee!

[@crossleydd42]

I usually finish with 'Take Care'!

[@isabelstokes4042]

I'm British from Scotland and it sounds like US citizens are more like us!

[@Jess-T]

As someone on the spectrum, I've literally had to programme myself to master small talk, I hate it. That said, I do find Americans rude when they immediately want to know about your personal life.

[@leftmono1016]

Most people have to programme themselves for small talk. The more you do it, the more you learn 👍

[@thisisnev]

@@leftmono1016 Read my t-shirt: "No, we're not all a little bit autistic. That's not how it works." You have no idea how hard we have to work at it. It's literally exhausting.

[@cultfiction3865]

This is why UK is so boring. Nobody ever makes meaningful conversation with strangers, and time goes real slow as a result. It's hard to make friends here, and it can feel very lonely living in this country

[@leftmono1016]

@@cultfiction3865 - personally I don’t feel the desire to talk to strangers. Some people are decent, some are idiots. I’m quite happy keeping myself to myself, which isn’t uncommon. But I hope you find some decent friends soon, keep trying 👍

[@r.brooks5287]

It feels rude to us but not asking might seem rude to them. It might seem like we don't care. We don't care though so I guess they'd be right.

[@ravinloon58]

I once ended up as a kind of therapist for a Floridian bus driver... I was on holiday, alone and riding the busses for fun and adventure... he was going through some hard times with a marriage breaking down and wanting to do the right thing for his kids. We met on two different days and as I left on the second day he honestly wanted to pay me to help him, assuming I was some kind of counsellor (I am not). I think we just happened to cross paths at a time he needed someone to listen.... and it was nice to be appreciated.

[@biaberg3448]

So beautiful 🌺

[@GrumpyOldGamer9221]

2:57 when we were last in Edinburgh, we went on a Tour Bus. There was an American family, with 2 daughters. They were chatting to each other but the whole upper deck heard them. They may as well have been holding a megaphone. 📢🔊

[@GirlGoneLondonofficial]

Guilty of this!

[@stephenlee5929]

You do realise they have given you a topic for small talk, something to complain about.

[@GrumpyOldGamer9221]

@@stephenlee5929 true 😂👍🏼

[@seanmcmichael2551]

Were they from Badiddlyboing, Idaho ? I hope you promised to visit them.

[@grahamtravers4522]

Do you think it may be that in the USA houses are so far apart that people have to shout, or the neighbours won't be able to overhear them ? ... 😉

[@michaelmacaulay8074]

I'm a Brit who walked to work in heavy rain. I entered the office dripping wet. A colleague glanced in my direction as he said, "most of us remove our clothes before taking a shower !"

[@jackiedawson7297]

At the dentist yesterday - 2 ladies come in, no one says anything - an older gentleman comes in and within 30 seconds asks ' have you ladies all done your Christmas shopping' - polite smiles all round but you could feel the dread of further conversation in the air !

[@thesunreport]

haha..you described that really well, I can feel the tension from here.

[@cultfiction3865]

It's bound to be difficult in a culture where asking or sharing anything very personal unsettles people and rouses suspicion. People living in that kinda environment adapt by becoming more introverted unfortunately

[@Elkott]

I work retail in the UK, my day consists of the same conversation over and over again just with a different person

[@r.brooks5287]

Having to ask five times if they'd like a bag, giving up, and then watching them stare at their items on the counter after they've paid.

[@2lefThumbs]

I always like to reply "Fine thanks how about you?" When asked how I am/ how my day's going etc, by retail staff. It's shocking how few of them have an answer ready🤷‍♂️

[@madMARTYNmarsh1981]

I'm English. My version of small talk is shaped by Aspergers. I try to say as few words as possible.

[@cultfiction3865]

I've got Asperger's too. I've noticed I'm like a robot. This seems to be a result of the condition

[@js66613]

How curious. That is my approach to life.

[@elliottjames8020]

You must live in London. If you're out in the provinces, don't forget, especailly if meeting someone who has travelled from another town, to discuss the route they travelled. For example; Them "Well I used the A303 and then used the B3095 up through Deverills'" (There are 3 Kingston, Monkton and Brixton). I would respond. "Oh, I would have used the A361 and then turned off on to the A36." They could respond, 'Yes, but what about roadworks at Cannard's Grave and the diversion through Shepton Mallet?"

[@Sine-gl9ly]

And my contribution to the conversation would've been 'I came on the 79 bus' and you would both have turned to me and said either 'oh, I didn't think the direct service was still running!' or 'Interesting! What route does it take nowadays to avoid that low bridge and the new junction?' and we can go even more deeply into the merits or otherwise of A roads, B roads, and means of bypassing notorious bottlenecks!

[@madderbat]

When I used to go home to Cornwall the first thing my Father would say was 'How was the journey?'

[@IanJames-n9f]

And then sat-navs

[@TwoToTheSix]

Works great in London, too. ‘How’d you get here? The Central line?’ Then you can complain about the trains for a while

[@elliottjames8020]

@@IanJames-n9f you can complain endlessly about how satnav was inefficient, Apple Mps loves sending me down "B" roads.

[@jamestaylor961]

As a Brit from the north of England who lives in London I'd just like to say that this can be quite a regional thing. In London certainly when meeting someone you do not under any circumstances disclose any personal information- your name maybe but that's as far as it goes. But in the north of England people are far more forthcoming in my experience. But you're right generally, we are a very reserved folk and like to keep things private until we know someone well. I like to think it's humility- I don't want to disclose anything personal and bore you with my life story! But I suppose Americans would see that as crippling politeness 🤣🤣

[@davewilson4493]

I do wonder how much that kind of London behaviour is a Southern thing or a big city thing. When I lived there, I usually moved every year or two and, assisted to some extent by my social awkwardness, never made the effort to meet neighbours. I guess if I'd been brought up there and stayed living in the one place, I might have a different view. One place where I rented a room in a flat for a few years, I think I only spoke to anyone from the other flats in the house on two occasions. Once was when someone organised a barbecue in the back garden which was hard to avoid since the flat I lived in took up the ground floor and was the only access to the garden, and the other time was when someone accidentally set their flat on fire and everyone was standing in the street in the middle of the night while the Fire Brigade was sorting it out. Also, while I'd certainly say that people in the Northern town I grew up in were on average somewhat more outgoing to strangers, there are also things like the stereotyped Yorkshireman who talks as if words cost money. I *know* that's just a particular subset, and not representative, but I am reminded of a Yorkshireman friend of mine talking about a guy who frequented the same chip shop as him who had managed to reduce his entire interaction with the staff to just saying "twice"

[@grahamtravers4522]

@@davewilson4493 Your last example is shared context. The chip shop staff clearly knew what he always ordered. I get a similar response at my chippy. "The usual ?"

[@garyrowden7150]

i would go out to lunch with the same lady from work every day for three years, one day i said something about mum, my friend said' OMG you have a family ????'

[@Marilyn-yg6vg]

Because on transport your a trapped audience ...

[@LolliPopCowGirl]

@@grahamtravers4522 And smile or nod in agreement! Did the same at my local chinese - especially helpful when you lose the ability to articulate anything meaningful because of the amount imbibed during the previous 6 hours - oh happy days!

[@francesbale1409]

i turned down a lift home from someone in my class because i didnt want to make small talk for the journey, so instead waited for 20 minutes in the rain and paid £12 for a taxi, but ended up making small talk wth the taxi driver 👁👄👁

[@anthonyferris8912]

If you're not keen on small talk…Master the act of being comfortable with big silences.

[@shaunfarrell3834]

Never a problem, silence is golden.

[@isabelstokes4042]

You're describing small talk in the South of England. In Scotland people swap life stories on the bus. We make friends easily, and are renowned for it. I say hello to everybody as I walk down the street. It's normal.

[@js66613]

I live in Scotland and have done most of my life, but I don't think I quite agree...

[@Magic__7]

"Its getting dark so early now i hardly ever see the sun " classic small talk for this time of year

[@simonrook5743]

Funnily enough I was making small talk with a work colleague today and we found out we both watch Girl gone London… so there’s that side of it!

[@FSMDog]

I'm ND, so find 'small talk' so tough - when I talk, it's to find out things - if I'm not interested, I won't talk

[@clivewilliams3661]

Small talk is the perfect lubricant for discussing some serious point and that is why the Brits are experts at international diplomacy. If you engage with a foreigner they are more at ease if the conversation starts with small talk, which will be easy and won't require a proper response. That then leads seamlessly into the real topic at hand, which may involve more complex language.

[@HuwRichards-e2z]

There are many cultures in which it is considered very rude to start talking straight away about the purpose of your meeting. You are supposed to share a coffee or tea or something with the person and talk about inconsequentials for a while first. I have had first-hand experience of this in India and Malaysia and I believe it is even more important in Arab cultures

[@redrumtruecrime]

When it's lashing down with rain, I like to sarcastically comment "mmmm turned out nice again 🙄‼️" 😉♥️🇬🇧😊

[@barriehull7076]

George Formby. It's raining here right now spooky,

[@VFC13017]

If you haven't seen the Bill Bailey clip called In Britain we process happiness differently, it covers understatement and small talk all in one.

[@thisisnev]

Also Bill Bailey: "I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment..." 😄

[@steviebudden3397]

There's a comment in 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' where Ford Prefect wonders why the English spend so much time talking about such trivial subjects. His first theory it's to stop their jaws seizing up but later replaces this with the theory that it's to stop their brains from starting to work... As an idea for something else to talk about, what about the role of tea in British culture, and also kettles? You could fit a few minutes on that in some more general themed video. Kettles have taken on a symbolic status more than just a convenient aid to making tea. A few of us come in from a night out and one of the first things to happen is that somebody puts the kettle on. It's the first step of the whole tea drinking ritual that signifies 'home' more than anything else. Also it's the centre of British hospitality. All countries have their hospitality 'rules' and ours revolve round tea. A friend of mine had moved to Japan and was living there. When he came back to the UK for a visit he sent round an email with the title 'Put the kettle on' to let us know. Also, a quote from Bill Bryson 'Notes From a Small Island': 'The one thing that unites all English; young or old, rich or poor, male or female, is their ability to get truely excited over a hot beverage.'

[@johnallsopp6324]

Oddly enough my first car was a Ford Prefect. Small talk about cars, especially for men, combined with discussions about best choice of routes, was a standard go to in the north of England. So many roads, so little time to fully explore all of them.

[@smahier]

This reminds me of when I was in Portugal with my wife. We were on a train, and an American felt the need to come and talk to us, just because we were speaking in English.

[@grahamtravers4522]

It does happen. I once spent a good 30 minutes conversing with a young lady in Salt Lake City. She was "on mission" there from France, and was desperate to talk to someone from Europe - even someone English !

[@sandrahaigh2976]

I'm English/British and always small talk. It comes naturally, especially when having a messaging conversation with family or friends. We cover numerous topics. To me and whoever I'm chatting with, agree that we've had a very enjoyable and varied conversation. I do find a big difference when chatting to my friend in the US. The conversation doesn't flow. Interesting video 😊💞

[@melvyncollins7305]

I'm so bad even if I know someone in the supermarket I'll still turn and go down a different Isle just so I don't have to chat to them! X

[@Poweroftouch]

I think we all do that from time to time m

[@andybaker2456]

God, this has made me think of the time I flew to the US to meet my team for the first time when I joined an American company. On the very first day, a group of us all went out for lunch. Of course, we had to drive to the restaurant, and we took a couple of cars. I was invited to join my boss in her car, while everyone else went in another car. By the time we got to the restaurant, I knew all about how my boss used to be very overweight, which caused deep depression, which caused her husband to get abusive, which caused a marriage break-up etc., etc., etc. Firstly, I had known the woman for five minutes. Secondly, she was my BOSS!! I mean, I felt sorry for her, but I really didn't need to hear all of that information, especially from my boss! I also felt she was expecting a potted life history from me in return, but she got nothing. Fortunately, we soon arrived at the restaurant, so I was off the hook for the time being! It can be hard for us Brits to be around Americans at times! 😆

[@Poliss95]

@andybaker2456 First time I saw my soon to be new boss was at an all night party where everyone was playing indoor rugger with a beer can. Had no idea who he was at the time.

[@michaelmacaulay8074]

Pleasantly surprised when she refered to the Atlantic Ocean as "the Pond" 😊😊😊

[@TheIndieOcean]

I saw a post on one of the social medias recently (I forget which) where a man said he often sees this other guy along his route when he's walking to wherever, and on this occasion he politely remarked something like "it's getting cold" to this guy - who responded with "I thought it was quite warm actually". Appalling. Horrifying. Not the protocol at all. 😂

[@grahvis]

Dai (David) is a popular name in Wales and would often be combined with the person's occupation, such as Dai Milk. One person in a small Welsh town always wanted to chat, but was apparently very boring. He was known as Dai Exocet because if you saw him coming, you couldn't avoid him.

[@Kanbei11]

Made me think of Father Stone 😂

[@MiscellanyTop]

ROFL! Does he live in Llareggub, perchance?

[@grahvis]

@@MiscellanyTop . Nice one.

[@ThinTinTwister]

A friend, who is British but who has lived for long periods on and off in the US & Canada, always strikes up in-depth conversations with people such as waiters and shop workers, which I find rather unusual, but upon reflection is rather nice.

[@slightlyconfused876]

Every American I met when I was working abroad had the same 3 starter questions, what's your name, what do you do? how much do you earn? The third question really used to throw me.

[@kirstimeretearnesen1202]

The third question I would consider rude. I'm Norwegian by the way.

[@1972Ray]

@@kirstimeretearnesen1202 I'm American and that's a very rude thing to ask. Everyone in my circle would say the same, it's taboo.

[@stevedaytona]

Interesting about the how much do you earn question - as that is definitely not a question you can ask in the workplace in America!

[@ceejay0137]

A good reply to a question like "What's your job?" is to look mysterious and say "Sorry, I can't talk about that." 😄

[@davewilliams3800]

You reminded me of Jasper Carrott's routine about sitting next to the "nutter on the bus" who starts talking to him

[@vladd6787]

He's got a cornbeef tin lol.

[@timothyallan111]

Tracey Ullman did a series of fantastic sketches on her comedy show about two American tourists (Jackie and Hal), and one particular sketch sums this whole subject up when Jackie and Hal take the bus in London and sit next to a British man who is trying to mind his own business and read a newspaper- as you can imagine, American small talk ensues! I wish I could find a clip of it, because it is a perfect portrayal of the differing styles of interacting with strangers.

[@Dragonemmy]

I was born and raised in Britain, but have a pretty international family and American connections through two of my parental-type family members. I understand the British-isms, but by instinct if somebody starts complaining, I want to offer solutions, and when it comes to small talk, I answer silence filling questions like, "how are you?" with a genuine, considered answer. I'm a confusing mixture of wanting to be genuine with anybody I talk to (perhaps the American bit), but also wanting to drift through the public space unbothered and un-noticed (perhaps the British bit). I don't do insincerity, but I do understand and participate in the "let's not get too close so you can get on with your job / day" dance.

[@whitefangoftheleaf9744]

As a Scottish man at least in my opinion I don't care I have other issues on my mind you are bang on let's just get through the interaction without offending others

[@paulkirkland3263]

I got into a lift ( elevator) in a hotel in the US a few years ago, and after a moment, the other occupant looked down at my feet. " Those are nice shoes," said she. Not long after, I was at Pittsburgh airport, and happened to sneeze. " Bless you! " said a lady as she passed by. I love you Yanks. 😊

[@MiscellanyTop]

They must have the plague vibe!

[@raykewin3608]

What else are we supposed to do while drinking tea?

[@GirlGoneLondonofficial]

An excellent point.

[@SteveG-k8q]

Eat a biscuit? 😂

[@johnwarr7552]

How Beautifully Blue the sky The glass is rising very high Continue fine I hope it may And yet it rained but yesterday Tomorrow it may pour again I hear the country wants some rain Yet people say I know not why That we shall have a warm July Tomorrow it may pour again I hear the country wants some rain Yet people say I know not why That we shall have a warm July G&S.

[@HuwRichards-e2z]

Follows - 'Let us compromise, our hearts are not of leather, let us shut our eyes and talk about the weather' (in order to give some privacy to their sister Mabel who fancies Frederick the ex-pirate.

[@adamclark6756]

Sunglasses are a perfect way to avoid eye contact and, therefore, small talk. I have also done the re-routing tactic to avoid bumping into people. Some really good observations here.

[@RogersRamblings]

Moaning about the traffic etc is a form of stress relief.

[@Riz_]

Back in the day when I was going to college via a bus I used to meet this nice old lady. Being vision impaired she offered some guidance. I axcepted and thanked her. Everytime after that she just used to say to me "Come on then.". She would help me every time she saw me but beyond the above remark and a thank you there was no other form of conversation at all, for which I was very grateful.

[@A-St.George_the_Dragon]

Absolutely, Kalyn, big bonus Brit points for avoiding the interaction .... and lots of extra steps. Win/win 😊

[@davidfielding6645]

Truth be known we are "bloody good at it"😊

[@TheIndieOcean]

Occasionally some maverick will try to small talk about sport, which I don't appreciate (not into sport) but it did lead to my favourite ever small talk interaction. I was waiting for a friend in a quiet pub, and a random guy wandered up to the bar nearby, and while waiting for his drink he nodded at me, and said "you see the match last night?" After a moment of hesitation I said no. "Why not?" he asked. I shrugged and said "I don't really like football." He stared pensively into space for several long, silent seconds before very quietly, almost sadly, saying "Neither do I. I don't know why I watch it." I felt like I'd given him some kind of awakening 😂

[@judithmitchell9065]

I have a delivery arriving later this evening and I know, not matter how much I'll try not to, at some point I'll say to the delivery driver - "Bit windy out, isn't it?"...!

[@davidfry2123]

I'm a Brit and I think that you've completely nailed it. Daily in my work, I meet people for an hour or so and 'small talk' is an effective 'ice-breaker'. While we might exchange some personal info neither of us expect to have anything more than that brief encounter

[@tonysheerness2427]

What are friends? In the UK you have to earn friendship otherwies they are just acquaintances. We do not talk about private things until they have earned it..

[@cultfiction3865]

Which is just a longer way of saying we are stuck up in UK.

[@tonysheerness2427]

@@cultfiction3865 I do not call that stuck up where should you befriend any tom, dick or harry or tess, dee or harriette.

[@cultfiction3865]

@tonysheerness2427 Not long ago I spoke to an Irish person that said that one key difference between British people and Irish people, is that British people don't trust you until you have earned their trust. But Irish people trust you until you prove yourself untrustworthy. And the Irish have that right. If someone abuses your friendship, you can end that friendship. But to expect people to earn your friendship comes across as more of a snobby superior attitude. As though they must earn from their "superiors"

[@tonysheerness2427]

@@cultfiction3865 That is your opinion. Is either way right. Trusting people you do not know to me seems foolhardy. The pandemic showed me how many people can not be trusted, Karens and Kenneths forcing people to take a poison that some people did not want. I was amazed at how many bullies there are in society.who I never would want to make friends. You say it is snobby but I say it is self protection. Maybe Ireland has a better type of people living there.

[@richardhoward7503]

My nightmare is being stuck next to an American on a long distance bus. I was once and was subjected to a detailed account of his work in an abbatoir, as well as his problems satisfying his lady. The other extreme is Sweden where they is no small talk. If you attempt it they will actually run away.

[@michaelmacaulay8074]

I like the "typical Brit understatement" in the title ~ "a bit rainy today" when it's probably "cats and dogs" ☔

[@jezslater4135]

As amusing and insightful as ever, Kaylyn. An important point is learning how to react when a conversation has embarrassingly gone beyond small talk. Someone makes the first move, and the if the other party simply continues the small talk, you know you've gone too far. 😂

[@StRoRo]

It's similar to Christmas cracker jokes always being bad jokes. Good jokes can split the group, those who find it funny, those who don't and those who don't get it. With bad jokes everyone is in agreement the joke is bad. That's why small talk is usually complaining. Nearly everyone hates traffic or when it rains too much.

[@Aotearoa_Kiwi]

Weather and traffic are the main go-to small-talk topic, but sport is also good. For example, _"Shocking game at the weekend?" or "I see Spurs went down again!" or "How the hell did Tavernier miss that penalty!"_

[@kingoftadpoles]

Kate Bush has an album '50 words for snow'. I was wondering in response to your previous video, if we have '50 words or expressions for rain.' I would like to add, that despite impressions received abroad, it does NOT rain here every day. We have weather, it's changeable. We don't have 'climate'.

[@mshonle]

American comedian Pete Holmes has a great bit about “Britishing” where small talk is like tennis and you want to lob the ball back in their court as fast as you can.

[@terryhand]

There is a particular joy about sitting on a train and being alone in your thoughts.

[@Kari.F.]

I'm Norwegian. We're very British when it very many ways: Don't sit down on the seat next to us if the bus is half empty. If the bus is full, it's obviously a different situation. But if someone decides to encroach on my personal space for no reason, on a bus that's half empty, it's uncomfortable. And if you start talking to me about everything under the sun when I'm clearly less than entusiastic, it's... weird. And it may come off as creepy. If we're in a room with a bunch of strangers or semi-strangers for a meeting that has been slightly delayed, we talk pleasantly about the most nothing things we can come up with. We don't feel a need to be "pour our hearts out"-besties with our neighbors, business associates, colleagues or parents of our children's friends. We do find good, lasting friendships in the acquaintance spheres of our lives sometimes, but they usually build up slowly. Especially in the phases of life where we struggle to find time and energy to nourish the handful of really close, decades long friendships we already have.

[@marianshiels6247]

Fascinating. Love your videos. What you describe as American small talk is also Irish. Making connections so that we can share: "Oh is that a Mayo accent - where are you from?", usually leads to finding family or friends in common or anyone that might link us. Then with the groundwork complete, we're off in a seamless flow to whatever subject we like. The conversation is meant to be a pleasant experience in itself, not an excruciating exercise in embarrassment. You might, depending on how it goes, make a new friend, or just be happy to have had a nice bit of craic. You nailed the difference with the English, who are treading water with small talk to avoid intimacy. I did live and work in England for 25 years, so my perspective is based on experience. It's also why I came home. Congratulations on enjoying the English - I did, and do. What drove me home is the comfort of being with your own tribe, and I missed the wild beauty of Ireland's west coast where the next door neighbour is America. Looking forward to more of your insights.

[@veneration1]

Kalyn is so great at describing things.

[@tonydarcy1606]

Being interested in what the atmosphere is doing today is actually bloody interesting ! Even in Florida, you surely discuss the various shades of blue of the sky ?

[@stevedaytona]

No we either talk about the latest incoming hurricane specifically as to whether it will miss us or not....or moan about the heat!

[@watcherzero5256]

Would agree on that, when I meet Americans their small talk is always about their holiday; what they have seen and what they are planning to see, and talking about where you/they come from.

[@kazzle101]

US says: "I'm from Orlando", UK replies: "Isn't that a Womble?"

[@judithmitchell9065]

🤣

[@barriehull7076]

Orinoco but close.

[@casp11]

😂😂😂

[@casp11]

Another brilliant reaction 👌🙌. Birmingham UK.

[@iain-e5x]

@@casp11 No - never ask them a question, that invites further chit chat!

[@tinaunderhill5412]

You read us Brits so well.

[@anonymes2884]

There's a great Mash Report sketch where a northerner comes to London and unsettles everyone by saying "Hello" to complete strangers - that's sometimes how US small talk comes across. And yep, the weather is our safe space. It's also good for detecting foreign spies. E.g. (while it's absolutely _hammering_ it down) "Lovely weather". "Mmm, for ducks" might as well be a coded challenge/response phrase used while meeting your contact in East Germany :).

[@davidjones332]

George Mikes wrote a book called "How to be a foreigner" in which two refugees are trying to integrate. One greets the other with "Lovely day, spring in the air!" to which the other responds "Why should I?"

[@StephenLydiate]

Brit here, think i may be a secret American, as im usually way too open with people i barely know, and some could say i have no boundries in conversation, though i am from the North West of England and we often do share a lot more in common with the Americans than even the rest of he UK at least socially anyway, much more friendly and open in general, not too busy to get to know someone knew, often talk to strangers and ask about themselves, sure we use a small talk opener, but thats just it, its an opener not a cnoversation carrier.

[@lilianacarvajalvillalba4040]

I love this video. You're spot on when it comes to small talk in both countries. I was born in the UK to migrant parents and I still struggling with the fact that British small talk serves no other purpose than to navigate smoothly through life. I'm much more inclined to the American way and purpose of small talk. Thank you for this video and good luck with your stay in the UK.

[@mehitabel6564]

(I'm a Brit). I have always disliked the term 'small' talk, which dismisses it as unimportant and pointless. Many people comment that they 'don't do small talk', as though it is something for small minds and their bigger brains are on bigger things. Actually I think that passing conversation is important for social cohesion, and it is worth cultivating the art. As a converser with strangers myself I can see that it usually lifts the day and makes people feel better about themselves. It is about accepting other people. Obviously the type and purpose of 'small' talk changes depending on place - in a city the point is often avoidance, elsewhere such as the Cotswolds where I am, it's about connection. Whenever someone says they 'don't do small talk' I take that as code for them saying they are socially inadequate.

[@jerrytracey6602]

You can usually tell if the other person you're engaging with has had enough, to which the termination code is usually, "well, I'll let you get on", which you can use if you've had enough as well. If the other person keeps talking, expanding on the existing topic or switching to the one they wanted to talk about all along, it ain't over!

[@nigelperring7484]

I enjoyed this and also found it instructive and as far as the analysis of British Small-Talk is concerned I felt it was accurate! Thanks! I am, of course, British!

[@AnnabelSmyth]

You forgot about navigation. Get two Brits together and one of them has been somewhere by car - cue for lengthy and animated discussion on routes and the best way to get between a and b.

[@johnallsopp6324]

True. It doesn't work in the US as they have so few roads once you get out of a city. Preparation for a family holiday in England when I was a child included several hours of discussion with neighbours and relatives about what the best route would be (no GPS back then and no internet).

[@markdoble736]

I would suggest we indulge and elaborate conversations in small talk so that we "don't" have to learn anything about a stranger we encounter. We can have a complete polite conversation with someone and then walk away safe in the knowledge that we and they have not cluttered our minds with unnecessary information. As for averting contact with people we don't wish to converse with, maybe we excel in spotting those who need to be avoided.

[@kobostinywings]

This did make me chuckle, you are bang on on this topic

[@julietteisamazing]

I find your perspective on these things very interesting as a Brit, and though this is very accurate in terms of how people act in the cities, if you walk past someone on a lane in the West Country and don’t say hi it’s usually how you can tell someone is on holiday from a bigger town/city. Small talk on the bus is a lot more common here and also swapping numbers after having a 10 minute chat. I think if you did a lot of those things in London, it wouldn’t go down well at all (as I’ve found out the hard way)😅. Just like uk accents, seems there is a big variation of perspectives depending on where you live in the UK. Love the channel!

[@shaunfarrell3834]

I live on the outskirts of a small village in the wilds of Dorset, I would never say hi to a stranger, the most they might get under certain circumstances is a slight smile and nod of the head as I hurry past lest they start talking to me!

[@jamesbeeching6138]

Good video GGL.....2 great programmes to watch regarding small talk are-80 Days Around the World with Michael Palin. The bit when he's on an American train is great!! Also Hening Wehns "A foreigners guid to Britain" is over all hilarious but the bit where the Hungarian woman tries different small talk is brilliant!!😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@stevel2504]

Acutely observed and nicely put. Good vid.

[@fianorian]

As a Brit I would say that one of the things about our small talk is art of having a conversation without actually asking any direct questions.

[@KeefsCattys]

Lovely day for a video like this . I quite enjoyed it . Thank you very much . Got to go as I have clothes out on the line and it looks like a shower is on the way .. See you soon . bye.. bye

[@rhysalexander182]

It is funny, as a brit guiding American clients all the time, they will ask me if I’m married, and know my kids’ names and ages within the first few minutes of meeting them. Then there are neighbours or other parents who I see every day at my daughter’s school and have no idea what’s going on in their lives apart from their views on the weather or local roadworks!

[@WilliamBell-t8k]

I always use George Formby's weather observation. It works whatever the weather is. Either as an honest assessment of the current metereological phenomenon or as an ironic comment on the vagaries of British weather: George invariably greeted people with a cheery: "Turned out nice again!" Bill

[@IaneHowe]

I love, love small talks. It's the only way I'll talk to strangers. I can talk about the weather even with familiar people. Also love, love when people ignore my presence and leave me alone with my topics. I did master American small talks too but not my favorite. At fist looked super weird to me too. Same with saying hello to people passing by.

[@readMEinkbooks]

To be fair, it's considered polite to nod say 'Morning' to people you pass while walking your dog or just on a morning constitutional. But just nod, just say 'Morning' while continuing to walking in the opposite direction. I've discovered that Americans seem to have made 'morning constitutional' mean something crude. Typical, really.

[@1972Ray]

This American disagrees about the morning constitutional, and I can't be alone. The generalizing, LOL it's over the top.

[@rojavida]

Have a like. We Brits live on top of each other, so we have to keep our distance. In America there are vast tracts of land and therefore fewer interactions. A crowded island will develop these traits, I suppose. The under statement is a sarcasm thing. “It’s a bit draughty.” Means there are gale force winds. “I’m a bit moist” means I’ve just been through a rainstorm and am soaked to the skin. That sort of thing. Nice content. (Means brilliant job on channel!!)

[@Richard-yd1ws]

My mother who was in late stage Alzheimers spent hours talking in the garden iin the afternoon in the clinic with Spanish women fellow patients She spoke no Spanish. They spoke no English, but they bonded

[@dalekkrell]

Absolutely brilliant and true. An international guide on how to survive in the U.K. I am English and therefore inordinately qualified on this subject and have been indulging in the venerable art of small talk for 67 yrs.

[@grahamtravers4522]

Someone who thinks themself inordinately anything can NOT be British ... 😉

[@Xantec]

my greeting (as I am a delivery driver) to a customer is "Heya, y'aving a good day?" or if its a group I am confronted with "Hey Y'all, Y'aving a good day?"

[@conversemackem8653]

Brilliant analysis thanks GGL.

[@thepymes]

Brilliant video! I laughed and nodded in equal measure all the way through... Keep up the great work, Kalyn!

[@padawansound6423]

One of my favourite culture clashes to witness was watching two chirpy, American Mormons trying to interact with an entire carriage on a miserable commuter train in between Leeds and Huddersfield. Those poor girls were fighting for their lives. On a more general note, you sort of nailed what I find so difficult about American small talk - because everyone is acting like they're so keen to be your friend, it's a struggle to know where you actually stand with someone. It can feel very disingenuous and performative. With British small talk, it's like there's an unwritten rule book that everyone is following, or you're singing from the same hymn sheet. We both know the boundaries of this interaction. That way, when a genuine connection does occur, you can recognise it for what it is, as it feels that much more substantial. The forced enthusiasm of American small talk ultimately ends up coming across as incredibly fake.

[@iain-e5x]

You are spot on about the genuine connection. We were at a wedding and sitting on a table of "friends" and none of the five couples had previously met. Small talk was the usual "they had a lovely day for it" "didn't the bride look lovely" and the usual about the little kids as bridesmaids and page boys etc. This was predominantly the women of course. As the afternoon wore on and we got to the speeches, from the jokes and our fellow guests reactions/laughter we could start to see kindred spirits and further longer conversations could start (or not). The chap sitting next to my wife got chatting with me, and we realised we had much in common. Our wives were bonding over the fact that their husbands were talking so much to a stranger. Fifteen years on, Andy and I are still friends - I have no clear recollection of the others sitting on the table that day!