BTS burnout - what it's like as ADHD/autistic

It's been a week. It's been two weeks. In fact, it's been 31 flippin' years.
Burnout is something I've experienced my whole life, often a result of overwhelm as an autistic/ADHD person in a world that I have to work hard to understand and keep up with.
My funky brain gets so excited by that very same world, and I get started on project after project - each has a different timeline, but they all seem to messily clash at some point in the process. I also love getting to the root of things, and needing the space to slow down and sink into the depths is hard to find.
Burnout used to be a really, really tough gig for me. And I have no doubt it will continue to be. But I found some levity in this week's version, and it felt like one to share.
Note: what you're seeing here is the good bits, when I could speak and smile and make fun of myself. This was not my whole experience, and I don't want to minimise what burnout can be. Do not mistake autistic/neurodivergent burnout as a tough day at the office that a glass of sparkling wine and a phonecall can fix. It's been debilitating for me before, and I'm ringing in transformation across my life in the hope it won't be again.

[@CatholicOnTheSpectrum]

Burnout has been a perpetual part of my life. I just realized my neurodivergence at 32, but my entire life, I always felt these “flat tire modes” where I was just done.

[@hesterlonergan]

I hear you!

[@CatholicOnTheSpectrum]

@@hesterlonergan Just had the first part of my assessment. He's thinking autism, ADHD and OCD.

[@Truerealism747]

Same here check for heds to.just found out 43 after sons diagnosis CFS 26 fybromyalgia 6 just list my mum to severe ms is fybromyalgia autism burnout

[@JillRhoads]

The biggest problem I have when I feel like exactly you explain here is that I end up doing absolutely NOTHING! I can barely do anything other than watch Netflix and jump between different shows and not even being able to finish a single episode. The only thing I've been able to do is the super simple stuff.

[@zofiathebrave4820]

No matter how aware you are your body is always going to feel the trigger. What you can do is catch those moments of uncomfortably and change the body’s natural coping skill

[@lindalincoln1652]

I so appreciate just knowing this happens to others, and to see how each handles it

[@zofiathebrave4820]

I have the head and shoulder pain too sometimes. When people are stressed they tend to hold up the shoulders causing the muscles in the area to be sore as if you did a good workout. When I can catch my body when it’s “triggered” it’s good to take full deep breaths, stretch, and shake out the tension literally wave your arms like an inflatable wobbly thing. Be aware of the space your taking up and take up more.

[@hesterlonergan]

Thank you, this was a lovely reminder to take care of myself.

[@tdy7896]

"Be aware of the space you're taking up.... and take up more" Didn't expect to end on that note. Good reminder for those of us who tend to smush ourselves up into tiny lil lumps to get out of the way.

[@toyotasupra97]

I’m autistic and this pain is permanent in my body right now I cannot get rid of the shoulder pain.

[@BeHumbleOkay]

@@toyotasupra97daily yoga might be helpful

[@toyotasupra97]

@@BeHumbleOkayI’ve been doing yoga for a year now. Definitely helps but I still have this problem :( thanks for the suggestion though!

[@blueoceaneyes]

I just want to say I’m so glad I just found this video. Thanks for sharing your experience as AuDHD - I feel like I’m constantly getting burnout but also I just don’t know how to fix my life so it doesn’t happen so much. Like I feel I’m on a train full speed ahead and no option to get off because I have people depending on me to keep going at this pace and juggling all the things even if it’s so so so bad for me. Anyway I have subscribed :)

[@GG_ADHD]

I hit a burnout and it fucking sucked so bad. My wife was stuck carrying so much because I just couldn’t manage basic shit. It got better. Therapy and medication have helped. The sun coming out has helped. It’s just a challenge everyday to stay level and engaged. Thank you for the video.

[@hesterlonergan]

Thank you for sharing too. I'm so sorry to hear this. Also agree the sun changes a lot, though I prefer equinox times as I like the day and night cues to help me know when to switch on and off. I'm sure you're doing a great job, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

[@Truerealism747]

What meds have helped ADHD meds

[@GG_ADHD]

@@Truerealism747I have medication that supports other issues like antidepressants. It doesn’t help everyone. Getting good protein sources and exercise is so important. My motivation got so low that I stopped exercising and the domino effect sucked. Recent lab reports for my health shocked me back into exercising. Lift something heavy today friend. Take care.

[@kerrypurtell9495]

Thank you! Haven’t been able to move my head and neck freely in Days!! (Days leading up to a stressful work trip filled with social interactions) I suspected it was from tensing up , I’m also suspecting I might be autistic - my toddler looks like she is and it’s made me come to realize I have been spinning my wheels for 30+ years just trying to appear normal. Hoping to unmask a bit now and stop wasting my time on that when I could just be living! You’re so wonderful and beautiful. Please keep making content! All the best, ❤

[@hesterlonergan]

Sorry you've been feeling the joint pain too. If you are autistic, welcome to the club, it's full of fabulous people! And thank you for such kind words, they mean a lot.

[@autisticexpressiongenx]

i aprecieate you being unmasked and raw thanks. its such a breathe of fresh air than watching asd peeps acting / masking. i get the neck shoulder aches when i stress . try the foam roller for stretching back and lower stress it has really healped me.

[@j-rocgeo7499]

In regards to the running towards burnout, when i do this (Or have in the past) i think its because i couldn't give myself enough room to recover. It almost feels like I've failed just getting to that point and in order to give myself the time I need I must be IN a burnout. Its like a guilt trip thing where i need to be incapacitated in order to rest, FML!

[@sniperjordan8216]

So weird watching you speak because I have very similar experiences.. not aches but chest tightness and pains… usually after I have given myself so many tasks and goals to achieve.. over a long period of time.. I guess it is burn out.. the last time it happened was when I was doing my casual juggling of 1 million things to do but also had a court date coming up where I was possibly going to lose my drivers license and also had to move house.. lasted around a month where I just had constant chest tightness it was like I couldn’t do anything .. I went abroad for 2 weeks and just chilled out and did nothing apart from go out and spend time in the sea sun and something else that begins with S.. it went away… no more chest tightness.. that was 6 months ago.. recently I went full throttle again.. working 6 days a week plus everything else with someone who was stressing me out a lot… suddenly the tightness in my chest came back again.. it does seem to be overwhelm being the cause.. also don’t necessarily feel anxious… from what I have experimented so far things that help you reset are the following no phones or technology.. reduce notifications and information consumption (it is part of the overwhelm) Swimming.. massages… Gardening.. vacation .. doing physical things you find fun. warm baths in magnesium bath salts Put everything on hold Your mind and body is like a computer you can’t just run all programs all day non stops without blowing it up

[@Kazals01]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It has helped me look more inside myself in order to learn how to take better care of my being.

[@mohammedahmedaslami6731]

Thank you so much for doing this video during burnout. I really appreciate the way in which you have shared this experience.

[@SomniaRomantica]

Thank you for making this video. I think it's a very important topic to talk about as a lot of people are dealing with this and when you are in that place, it's so comforting to be able to hear others about it or to engage with people who understand what is happening or can give some preventive or copig advice and also perspective. I am also anticipating on doing some videos on this topic and this video encourages me to do so. Also, I am subscribing to join your community ^^ Take care

[@7juniormint]

i’ve only just discovered your channel, but this video was immensely motivating and insightful. i was diagnosed with adhd earlier this year, and i’m still learning about what burnout means for me and how i can help myself during those times. thanks for sharing your experience!! sending you love; can’t wait to see more from you soon.

[@staceykennedy3289]

I love this!! ❤thank you for your authenticity

[@lindadunn8787]

Watching and listening I observed how I was listening. I heard some things I want to talk about later. It's a real comfort for me learning with my mind and my body that now and later are options. Living in the locus of choice can be disconcerting . Old habits die hard sometimes. Thank you for sharing your platform.

[@BipolarCourage]

Tension in muscles especially neck & shoulders is very common when stressed

[@cyrillllll]

Just by looking at your eyes I KNOW exactly how you're feeling. Thank you for sharing

[@deesparklebazinga9374]

Hey I'm new, I am also diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Looking forward to more of you're content x

[@eigentheory]

You are doing great, keep it up! 🎉

[@JessieThorne886]

Just wanted to say you're so courageous to share this particular subject while actually having it. Really makes a big difference in making me feel 'I'm not the only one dealing with this'. ❤️

[@hesterlonergan]

Thank you!

[@andythompson7631]

Thank you so much for sharing, I wish I had the courage to share my journey. Finding this relatable is an understatement, emotional but helpful eith realisations. I will look over more in your channel, thank you so much. I'm so lost

[@hesterlonergan]

You're not alone, I really mean that

[@andythompson7631]

Thank you 🙏 the online community offers an understanding and relatability that has been absent from my whole life. Whilst still struggling, through learning I've developed a real passion for understanding this to help others. But need to learn how to help myself first. It's a scary world eh......at 43 it feels like grieving a life lost, I know who the world saw wasn't who I am, now I just want to learn who I am and in doing this my passion and absolute hyperfocus to understand 'all this ' has changed me completely and I qas nothing like the person I hid from the world.....anyway. thank you again, you've no idea ( you probably actually do have an idea 😂) just how helpful relating to others helps woth acceptance

[@emilyfaith8051]

Your video happened to pop up on my feed and I’ve found it really grounding just to listen to you process and honestly speak from your experiences like this. I go through much of the same and have my whole life. At 26 I’m only now just barely starting to understand my neurodivergence and how it affects my mood and ability to function. I’ve always felt so trapped by shame and guilt. Thank you for making these videos. They make me feel less alone. ❤

[@emilyfaith8051]

Also when my mental health is bad I definitely feel it in my joints, and it is really difficult to manage 😮‍💨

[@hesterlonergan]

You aren't alone. Understanding myself has taken a lot of time and still an ongoing process, and I can relate to everything you're saying. Sending positive vibes!

[@daveanderson8776]

Stress has quite often gone in between my shoulder blades or kink in my neck , not fun hope you feel better soon 😊

[@jessbeer8276]

"I will forever see myself as a megastar celebrity" YOU'RE SO FUNNY!!! I'm so glad your videos got recommended to me. I have so many questions - where/how are you training as a coach? Anyway, basically EVERYTHING you said resonated with me, and I haven't even seen the rest of your videos yet... I'll definitely stay with you for it xx

[@hesterlonergan]

Thank you for the lovely feedback! I'm training online and I hope to start working with virtual clients - gotta take a big deep breath and leap past the imposter syndrome! Happy to have you here :)

[@thecanvasdealer]

My neck and upper shoulders were literally KILLING ME for like 2 months and I never really had any pain there before. Now I’m thinking maybe it was stress, but I’m always stressed. I have no clue. I just noticed that it’s gone since you brought it up. I think my body is also giving me new “stress pains”, I feel like I’m always in pain in some way somewhere on my body.

[@thedentistbakery2010]

You come across really well when your burnt out tbh.... I'm like a corpse! You've inspired me to share my burnout experience though. I get it at work EVERY Thursday I'm just finished, can't speak and I come across terrible to others, it's the worst. I hope you had that ice cream, you deserve it X

[@gamewrit0058]

Yes, about the back, neck, and shoulder pain. It often helps me to put a thin ice pack across/between my shoulder blades. It reduces the inflammation from the tension and stress signals meeting at that junction, and up into the neck. Chiropractic and Fascial Counterstrain Therapy help me as well, especially since I'm hyper mobile and my joints jam up a lot, and my nervous system had learned to be in constant fight or flight mode. Fascial Counterstrain treats various systems in the body via gentle, hands-on manipulation of connective tissues. It's helped a lot with central sensitization and clearing my lymph system. The most important thing for me is still rest. My couch is okay, but I have a fabulous, firm but not too hard bed. At least 20 minutes twice a day, in addition to overnight sleep, and my body and mind wirk better and I'm less likely to hit hard burnout.

[@Cauldron6]

I relate to this video so much. Been on the edge of burnout for a while and my body is acting in such disconcerting ways.

[@hesterlonergan]

Sending positive vibes your way!

[@jaybee4694]

Her: “Today… has been… an absolute…” Me: “Shit show.” Her: “Shit show…” Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@treesart6914]

Neck pain: could be from using the screen. I recently had this and the pain went away mostly now I put my tablet on a large stack of books (on the table) so it is on eye hight or close to eye height.

[@maiyapercy]

Yes, I have pain in my shoulders sometimes. And I noticed that this pain sometimes comes from the jaw. I found a video on KZbin about tension in the jaw. The exercises in this video help me to relief the tension in the jaw, and this helps with the shoulder pain.

[@kikih6389]

Thank you. Finding ND community is really difficult. In person communities created by neurotypical people trying to help neurodivergent people are mostly filled with children or men. Online communities seem to be filled with people who can’t or don’t want to communicate/be helpful. Haven’t found something suitable for me as a woman who is on a healing journey. I relate to you, also having been able to unmask for the last couple of years at home because of being unstressed and comfortable to do so (since I’m not in fight or flight: not working, calm environment, caring for my physical body) but could you please talk about your experience with unmasking outside of the home, like interacting with strangers? How do you interact with unknown people without a mask?

[@hesterlonergan]

Thanks for sharing and for these questions - added to the list for future videos

[@zofiathebrave4820]

“Big barrier CRUSHED!!” I say this shit too

[@hesterlonergan]

Crushin' it

[@roberttravers7587]

Great video!😁

[@Truerealism747]

Neck shoulders.2017 armpits constant

[@mylifewithmarmalade4624]

Late to the comments but I have struggled horribly with chronic musculoskeletal pain for several years and it’s always worse when I’m overwhelmed and fighting to pull out of impending melt downs and burnout. I have a theory that this is AMPS. There is some limited research into AMPS (Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome) in autistic children. Latest research suggests that it may be tied to sensory processing issues where the brain processes any sort of minor musculoskeletal irritation/inflammation as far more painful than a neurotypical brain would. I have yet to see any research into late diagnosed adults on this. But I’d suspect this is probably a common occurrence in adults with autism as well. Especially when we are overwhelmed or stressed and our sensory processing is at its worst functioning.

[@jayth2591]

Ive also recently suffered through crazy neck pain, I got into a minor car accident a few month back and I’ve been doing good with exercises and was feeling no neck pain whatsoever leading up to it, but it was NOTHING like this. I couldn’t move my head and I could barely walk. It was crazy bc it just came out of nowhere. Thought it was the car accident but now I think that it might have been the stress from school and life problems. It’s weird bc I don’t FEEL stressed or burnt out, like my brain can’t process it, but my neck pain and the way I’ve been constantly looking for stimulation on social media and video games (instead of doing homework and basic self care) is telling me otherwise.

[@Peertje304]

i've been less stressed lately which is rare. which means i have like no shoulder pain now, which i have chronically otherwise

[@HaroldSchranz]

Burnout vs having a Rush (Intensity): I can relate to that dopamine-fueled rush you experience. I now know why I am such a dopamine addict with a lot to say (often needing time to express it) but also shy about saying it. I am still coming to terms with a very late diagnosis of ADHD/ASD (amplified and unmasked by other medical conditions and emotional trauma) but I think it helps a lot finally having a mental map (or at least the notion of a neurodiverse map). Nobody understands this; unsurprising since having ADHD/ASD at a level where it affects everything is around 1% (less or more) of the population; so even specialists find it easier to peddle their own theories rather than actually listen. I feel like you mention, burnout on top of overwhelm and burnout in a recursive sense; with heightened emotions. At some point (possibly as long as 20+ years ago), I am pretty sure my undiagnosed ADHD and ASD were finely balanced (luckily I used to do a lot of exercise - before I got injured by an impatient driver). I feel burned out right now, overdue assignments (expensive game programming career change to survive my pre-diagnosis estrangement from everyone) ; my decades of mentoring/research experience counts for naught in this country e.g. to teach). (Funny when you mentioned having a wail I thought this beached Whale: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZSzpGWJr7ibhMU ) #Ooops #Oversharing #AuDHD #AUS #DownUnder

[@hesterlonergan]

The whale checks out. Feeling beached today and appreciative of the levity of this. Thank you :)

[@HaroldSchranz]

@@hesterlonergan: Thanks. My brain makes strange connections. I"ve always liked a bit of humour when things are going whale-shaped; BeachedAz was a cartoon that involved a series of comedic conversations involving a beached whale (gentle teasing between Aussies and Kiwis about their cute accents). Until I began diagnosis, I could never figure out why I felt increasingly beached in the last 20 years ... lost balance (which coincides with an 8-year stint of hypercalcaemia) ... managed a research career ... even a few trips to the academic wilds of England and Scotland (+Europe/USA). One gets a lot more sympathy from having a bunch of cancers than a couple of intermittently masked neurological conditions. So I guess we basically have to take care of ourselves. At least I finally know I was not at fault for not always coping; being undiagnosed is like drowning sometimes, diagnosed is knowing that you have to swim and of course diagnosis is not a cure, you still have to learn to swim. Just like the blue tang in Finding Nemo! kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZnnOn2CCiM1qm9U

[@HaroldSchranz]

Forgot to mention there was a third series of BeachedAz (kzbin.info/www/bejne/i5PcqmWsZ7Gfn9U) a new 2019 10-part-series tackling ocean threats. But of course Aussie/Kiwi humour might not travel as well ... so apologies! ;-)

[@heedmydemands]

I'm not sure if I really have a good grasp on what burnout is. I had an event happen in my life where I just came to the end of my rope, I was doing too much and I couldn't handle it anymore but I didn't know how to take it easier. I did begin to do better when I realized that I'm probably autistic, I tried to accept myself more. I think I might still not b back to how I used to be, capable of so much.

[@hesterlonergan]

I think the term burnout is used a lot, and what I'm explaining here I feel is one kind of burnout I've experienced. I think it can mean multiple things. For me, burnout can feel like losing the energy and will to keep showing up, whereas shutdown is what I experience when I lose even the cognition to stop caring - it moves from an emotional/physical to a purely physical resignation of energy.

[@heedmydemands]

@@hesterlonergan thank u I will digest this further

[@Dancestar1981]

I’m 42 and nd experience it regularly

[@whitway]

I wish I would found help a few months ago before I was burnout at work, subsequently diagnosed with ADHD, then on Medical Leave. It was 90 days of Hell. With that said I weathered the storm and am now learning the techniques I need to employ to be successful.

[@hesterlonergan]

Hope you're doing ok!

[@whitway]

@@hesterlonergan thank you and hope the same for you.

[@Ordinarian]

Hi Hester, hello from Singapore! I was exactly looking for a vlog like yours to hopefully understand a fuller perspective! I've a friend (whom I'm interested in) going through ADHD fatigue/burn out now (has been about 1+ week already) and worked with her psychologist, but I hope to understand: a) what's the best way for me to show support, if we're not physically near each other? Would it be to just wait until she feels recharged? b) sounds like demasking helped you a great deal here! How did you get yourself out of the bed to do something, or perhaps finally socialise with your friends who are worried about you? c) how does your husband support you specifically during your burn out? Thanks!! Just trying my luck here, genuinely hoping to understand your perspective!

[@hesterlonergan]

Hello! Just seen this comment as I’m slightly avoiding KZbin while I haven’t made a new video! I’ll have a think about these questions and let you know - thank you for asking. It already sounds like you’re a great friend because you care.

[@Ordinarian]

@@hesterlonergan oh thank you so much for wanting to give it some thoughts! It's super encouraging for me to hear this :)

[@The_Vanished]

Yeah, me for 40 yrs

[@Truerealism747]

Do you have pain with it

[@Kali_Yugahhhh]

10k views!! ☺️👏👏👏

[@tracirex]

i would kneel down and hand feed myself two years of buscuit crumbs off the floor. keep making videos and one day, your viewer count will increase exponentially.

[@tracik1277]

Language accuracy ❤️😊👍 (otherwise known in certain circles as pedantry, ok, whatevs)

[@hesterlonergan]

The connotations that come with pedantry make me feel uncomfortable so I tend to avoid!

[@tracik1277]

@@hesterlonergan The meaning of that word has nothing to do with what you are thinking.

[@hesterlonergan]

@@tracik1277 I know - sorry, didn't mean it to come across like I associated with the common connotations of the word, just that it's something I take into consideration! Maybe I should reclaim the word pedantry rather than feeling scared of using it :D

[@tracik1277]

@@hesterlonergan You should! It’s a fun word, just make sure you never typo the n for an s 😅

[@garethmorgan3665]

This conversation reminds me of the scene in Peep show when they're in the hospital waiting for the baby to be born and Mark tells Jeremy he's worried he might be a pedophobe and Jeremy misunderstands him😂😂😂.