Working through my Autistic Burnout | Autism in Women

[@halcyonmoon]

it's good to talk about personal autistic experiences because each autistic person is different and has different strengths and struggles! the more people talk about it (especially non-men), the less we'll be seen as this monolith of autism

[@majakaczorowska4597]

I have never related to anybody as much as i can relate to your story today.All this overthinking and planning and all the worrying about people staring at me and constantly trying to find the reason why. All of this is so exhausting ,so burnt out is inevitable. It’s nice to know that there are people like us out there and we are not alone ❤️ And btw i was obsessed with Mels hair too .Miss her so much❤️ I send lots of love and positive vibes to you Nikki.

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@halcyonmoon]

I relate a lot to the "grieving" process you described when I finally admitted to myself that I'm disabled and can't do all the things my friends can it's also hard for me to admit that I'm in no way suited for a "normal" job where I have to pretend to be neurotypical and able-bodied- it's what I've prepared for my whole life, after all. but I'm focusing on what I can do & what I can do is make art

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@EricaConger]

❤❤❤

[@FairyBogFather]

really feel seen by this comment, thank you

[@sfeliciano1984]

I'm so happy you did this video to help yourself but others too. Society's definition of "normal" is not normal. We can be different, feel different and walk in life different. This is us and it can be exhausting to change ourselves to fit the norm.

[@alexandreaturcot8921]

Normal is boring and fake. I try to teach my kids to embrace thier unique qualities and to love yourself for you! I also try to encourage us all to never hold back if and when we find something we are passionate about, you do you! I am proud of Nikki for sharing and doing her own research and learning about herself! I love her even more now that she is on this journey, the realizations about yourself can be liberating. Xoxo 😘 🤗

[@annamaryu3645]

Yet another good reason to follow your channel! Much of what you said resonates with me. I've been suspecting ADD and/or autism in myself for a few years now, after a lifetime of endless depression, anxiety and burnout. I had very bad experiences in healthcare during my most recent bout of depression so now I'm just trying to gather the courage to see a doctor again, to try to get myseld assessed. I feel like I need acknowledged officially. Thank you so much for these videos ❤️

[@Darkbillhook]

I’m currently in autistic burnout too & have been for several months. It’s hard; I find many people don’t & can’t understand. Also I relate to the grieving process - I felt the mixture of relief and grief when I was diagnosed. I knew I had struggled terribly my whole life, but I was already diagnosed with a few mental health conditions so I thought it was a combination of those, plus me just being a failure who couldn’t cope with life like other people. Finding out I am autistic and have adhd made me realise I’m not a failure; I am disabled and I was pushing myself to act like I wasn’t before. I mostly grieved thinking how I’d treated myself, how unkind I’d been to myself telling myself that I’m a failure - something I would never even think about anyone else. Now I know why I am the way I am. I will always be autistic, and that’s okay. I see some talk of “labels” in this thread which I’m sure is well meaning, but autistic isn’t a label - It’s so much more than a label. It’s my identity, it’s my wiring & it’s the lens through which I see the world. We’ll never be NT but there’s loads of ND folks out there - we’re not alone even when we feel alien. Much love 💗

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you so much for sharing 🥰

[@kaylaschroeder1]

I love this comment so much. Reading things like this give me hope for myself. I've basically just diagnosed myself ADHD and Autistic in the last few months, after a lot of research and self-introspection that never ends. Thank you. I'm glad you're navigating your way through this with renewed love and compassion for yourself. I need me some of that. 💙

[@tdsollog]

You made a lot of sense. “Normal” is an illusion, a constructed ideal. Sadly, a lot of the world shows “normal” is the lowest level of achievement. Mainstream media and social media push a lot of aspirational perfection. To be, “normal” is bland and boring.

[@karenkiolbassa]

I have a number of friends who realized they were on the spectrum when they were going through the diagnosis process with their children. Same with ADD/ADHD. And as you say the signs can be different in females. I am glad that there is more understanding of these things now than there was years ago.

[@marlenegomes4008]

This video stopped me in my tracks. You are so relatable to all of us that don’t feel relatable

[@eHawkRivera]

Thank you for sharing." I'm not ok and that's ok"... I'm going to run with that! Such a useful frame. You mention that burnout and that grief process, and yes yes yes. 100% yes that is my experience. I started off seeking help because "life" happened and at one point I thought "it doesn't have to be this hard, does it? it can't actually have to be this way!" Finding an explanation and framing that fits what I'm experiencing is simultaneously liberating and i hear you on that grief. (for comparison, I'm 45, and diagnosed with ADHD last month, self diagnosed autistic in the last month) I suppose there's sadness in "this is how it is" but mostly it's like someone turned off the filters on my life and I can see my experiences my history in a more clear way. I have to say for me, that grief has another note to it. As I listen to people's stories of their experiences in their lives learning they're autistic and taking that in and living that.... I can't help but think "how did no one see this in me earlier? why did this have to be so hidden from me for so long?" partly because getting at the root of how I work and liking things the way I do etc.... a lot of it is strengths until it runs me into the ground. The main reason I run myself into the ground is when I expect to be like other folks, when I expect my reaction time and recuperation time to be like everyone else. That's not fair to me, that's not honoring who I am and how I am most authentically myself. A part of my grief was that hurt for an unseen unrecognized past me who just hurt through all of it. I still haven't figured out how to separate the masking me from the real me and "is this me or me doing something i think i like???"... and I've lucked my way into quirky enough a life that it's.... definitely me and that's fine. I also have a lot of explanations for being called cold, intimidating, stand offish through a lot of my life.

[@NikkiRaven]

thank you for sharing xoxo

[@sinndymorr6358]

I hear you and support you. It's a blessing that you have a circle.

[@kimshe70]

It was nice to hear you talk about all these things. I could relate to so much to what you have going on. I am self-diagnosed as well as about a year and a half ago. I'm not seeking an official diagnosis either. Your experiences help me feel a bit more confident in my own feelings and self-insights. I am sorry you feel sad right now about the whole "normal" thing. I still get sad sometimes when I realize I have trouble with some things that seem to come so easy for "normal" people.

[@charlyheather1822]

I shaved my head for the first time in 2021, and I had the experience of seeing me and my face for the first time. I'm not sure whether that is that autistic "focus on details and not see the whole picture" thing in working, but it was so amazing. Just looking in the mirror and seeing my face. I've never had that before. I get the grief and happieness of being part of the autistic community as well - I've been diagnosed with Autism at the age of 37, so way earlier than you, but still late, and I'm just finally getting diagnosed for ADHD right now. The neurodiverse community is awesome and wholesome. Take your rest and take good care for yourself. Doeii, tot dan!

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you for sharing!!

[@bethannybiscuits]

This is so relatable. I adore you. 🥺 I grieved and still do a little over the idea that people have always said to me- "you are so much fun!... Let's hang out.... you are the life of the party....." but then they never call me, because I am different. I am not "normal". It took awhile to realize it is the autism that caused that.

[@NikkiRaven]

big hug

[@ptsdrgn]

Thank you...always nice to know that we are not alone. There is grief in realizing you will never be "normal" but also joy in knowing you are a perfect individual!

[@TracyBains22]

Nikki, thank you for sharing your thoughts in the past week as well as how you are coping with the realizations or possibilities occurring to you now that you have your diagnosis. It is very raw and I am grateful for your transparency. I am learning a lot. I don’t explicitly know of anyone who has autism in my life (although surely, statistically, I must) so it is powerful. I also want you to be safe and re-energized so if you need to step back and rest, I hope that you will do whatever you need to honour your self and your health. ♥️ from 🇨🇦

[@mbrady199]

I adore you!!!!!! I hate that you're not ok but it's also refreshing to see humans that aren't "perfect". (But you're perfect!) When you were talking about running ... omg! ... thats my brain! For every single thing I do. It's exhausting!! And how you have to take days "off". 1000%! I don't ever do anything if I don't have a few days after to recoop. I often wish I was "normal". I'm diagnosed with Anxiety, ADHD, Depression ... life is hard. I've asked my counselor about Autism and she said if I'm on the spectrum it's "maybe, just barely" ... I'm not a fan of self diagnosis for myself, but I think maybe she was wrong because it just makes so much sense!!

[@NikkiRaven]

All I can advise is, find someone who specialises in adult autism. That is what I took away from watching others go through the process😘

[@rachelkrislov]

I actually had more of a grieving process upon getting my adhd diagnosis than upon realizing I'm probably autistic. for me, the more staggering emotional realization was that so much of my life that had entailed suffering/struggle need not have been so hard. there's strategies and communities and medicines out there that could have improved my life that i never knew about, because my coping strategies meant my struggle was invisible to other people. in the occasional instance when I envy others' spontaneity, I'm admiring their ability to feel joy in the face of sudden change. I like the concept of being unbothered and enjoying change, but I also have always known I can't be that person

[@bethschumacher8228]

My Husband and daughters are diagnosed with Autism , and ADHD. Their psychologist say that these diagnosis are often comorbid so I have no doubt you are correct. I realize that this must be difficult. My older daughter was diagnosed in kindergarten and wears it like a badge of honor. This is her so suck it. My youngest was diagnosed last year and was relieved that she knew. Every diagnosis comes with learning period. Hope that you can learn to except yourself. No matter what you have determined you are still you. Just remember you have learned to mask, to pretend to fit in this is draining. My husband's real embrace of his autism came when he decided he was no longer going to mask. People would have to except him for him. I hope you find that peace someday.

[@NikkiRaven]

thank you sp much for sharing!

[@VeronicasShelf]

I found out I was autistic at age 18 (turning 28 this year). And I've been "saving" your autism videos until I was ready to watch them. The last couple of years I've been going into deep research mode to understand myself. The healthcare system did not help me at all and I'm still fighting against the stigma in the medical field since not even doctors know enough and still hold onto stereotypes. I'm so happy that you've decided to talk about this. I do talk about my experience sometimes on my channel, and I keep looking for other creators that openly talk about it as well, that is what helps me, much more than taking to "proffessionals".

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you for sharing! Watching and hearing others talk about their experience helps me a lot as well🥰

[@VeronicasShelf]

@@NikkiRaven It also truly helped my mother to understand me better when I showed her videos and talked to her about how I was the same or different. ☺

[@NikkiRaven]

I'm so glad to hear that!

[@robinb.6711]

I’m experiencing autistic burnout right now. Thank you for helping reduce the stigma by talking about this.

[@NikkiRaven]

💚

[@FairyBogFather]

I'm diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, but have a suspicion I may have autism as well. You are one of my favorite beauty creators on youtube and it is very affirming to hear you share your perspective. When you describe your experience and perspective, I feel so seen. So thank you for sharing! Wishing you the best, I know how hard burnout can be. Love you, Nikki!

[@Truerealism747]

You will be with ocd

[@YoungatHeartAKACarla8226]

Thank you for sharing this video, I just want to tell you that there is only 1 thing that even has normal on it and that would be a washing machine. I have never felt normal since I became a adult!

[@lyndashurtleff3192]

Thank you so much for speaking your truth about how you can live with your autism . I also live with autism and find as an older adult diagnosed around 15 years ago that I can begin to be who I want to be rather than being "normal" and who others feel I should be. For me the way to do this is a both... and... approach where I can find a way to bring both worlds together while staying true to being different in a healing, fun, hope filled way. Thank you

[@jennyklingstedt]

You're not alone! It feels like you are talking about me. Every word resonates with me. I have sought help from healthcare but I am too open and look people in the eye so I cannot be on the autism spectrum, it says. I think they are wrong. Keep fighting and you will mourn. I have other illnesses that cause me, for example, severe pain, have to rest 20 hours a day, can never be spontaneous, could never have children. Be angry, hit a boxing ball, run, scream, cry. Eventually you accept your normal. Love from Sweden ❤️

[@NikkiRaven]

big hug!

[@jennyklingstedt]

@@NikkiRaven ❤️

[@xana.samsara]

Thank you so much for making this video. I feel like these are the struggling bits not a lot of people share, but that resonate with so many of us. I'm also, in a way, happy that you realized that you are going through a grieving process and burnt out. I was in what I call a high functioning burnout, and one day it all collapsed. I was on a prolonged sick leave when I actually found out I was autistic, and I can tell you that 2 years later I'm still burnt out. I came back to work in a couple months, but it's still here. I was relieved (and also kinda not) when I found out that autistic burnout can, indeed, go on for years. Some things I never recovered, like my memory, the ability to learn stuff quickly, and also the ability to read. So if videos like this can help people figure out what's happening to them, and help them slow down and take care of themselves, so they don't end up with permanent deficits like me, that makes me so happy and grateful. Basically I'm so grateful for you, the same way I'm grateful to all fellow autistic folks who make me feel normal and validated.

[@xana.samsara]

I think it's also huge that you talked about wanting to emulate other people, cause that's one of the elements of masking that make us gals be wrongfully diagnoses with other mental health issues. I don't know about other autistic people, but for me, I finally came to terms with some of it. It's like I'm this patchwork of things, and they ebb and flow. Some days I'm more one aspect of my personality, some days I'm more of another, and everything that comes with it (like the special interests and the aesthetic). And that's OK. As long as I watch myself and try to stay true to my essence, that's OK that I'm dressing in full on Goth apparel today, and next week maybe I feel grungy af. Because that's one of the wonders of autism: we refuse to fit neatly into a box and be just one thing. I used to think I had to know who I am, and that that was ONE thing. Well, sorry but no. I'm a bunch of different things coexisting in harmony, and that's part of why autism is effin' cool! But it does take some fine tuning, finding out what is us, and what is admiration for someone else.

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you so much for sharing! I notice too that my mood decides what I’ll wear, how I’ll do my makeup and even what I eat..it can a.so very much depend on the weather🤣

[@und3rlime]

Your hands, stunning! The ink, in combo with the nails, 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾

[@allisonleighandrews8495]

Thanks for this content. A late diagnosis comes with a very lonely grieving process but finding so much help from people who have been through the same is something I'm very grateful for.

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰🥰

[@muumol]

My “orange like sunshine who makes me happy “ Dobby meows just like that to get in my room when I’m upset and he helps calm me down. He does that for everyone in the house

[@muumol]

Made perfect sense. I’m similar and it’s nice to know I’m not alone

[@angelic_venom]

It's so important to share, but it's also so hard so thank you. Our world is always our world. We only know what things are like for us and that when we feel certain ways we think it's normal. And it is. It's normal for us. That doesn't mean it's normal for others. And that longed for normal box is different for everyone as although society has a 'normal' label it varies with all kinds of things. Grieving what you thought you might attain is so understandable.

[@Ragingbull123]

This perfectly made sense to me and I needed this today so badly thank you for your honesty

[@NikkiRaven]

I’m a glad I could help🥰

[@mshirleyrn]

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now." 🥰- Yes, sister! I completely understand!!

[@crystalmcmullin8118]

Thank you for sharing! I was recently diagnosed bipolar and I understand you. I see you. I hear you. You are beautiful you are worthy! And what is normal any way. Sending love and hugs.

[@NikkiRaven]

Right back at ya🥰

[@janicelindsey937]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

[@jennifernybergpixieivy1266]

So much yes 💚✨. I always pack more than I should because of what if. And burnouts are so draining

[@ashleysjourney110]

I’m self diagnosed as well and I have my interview at the end of the month where I get my official diagnosis. As happy as I was to know I do meet the criteria after being told no 3 times. I also have a “grieving” sensation.

[@NikkiRaven]

💚

[@Kim-jv4qj]

Thank you for sharing Nikki. You are special and unique. Embrace who you are!

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@dubsbeautydiary]

Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable with us. My boyfriend is on the spectrum and he wasn’t diagnosed until he was late into his 30s. He has said before that he hates it because he can’t be or think like everyone else, but honestly that’s what made me fall in love with him. I couldn’t imagine. Anyway. What I’m getting at is it’s nice to see another person’s view on the whole thing. Very eye opening. So thanks again.

[@peterratter6603]

Thank you, Nikki, for sharing.

[@myimperfectlife2023]

I need a lot of quite & alone time....I'm not officially diagnosed yet, I'm on a waiting list. Sensory overload is awful for me. Its gotten worse with age

[@NikkiRaven]

I understand the feeling all to well🥰

[@martulec]

Just want to let you know - I am here, even if I do not have anything smart to write. 💙

[@didigardenofbeauty7426]

I think is very brave that you're sharing this part of your life with us. Honestly I think that normal people simply don't excist. We all have something. I think I'm am empath and from time to time I too get emotionally drain by people. I care and invest too much of myself, that can even make me sick. Take good care of yourself my friend. Hugs and love🤗😘

[@NikkiRaven]

Hugs back🥰🥰

[@84prettymoon]

I have had mental health issues since my childhood (violent)... in the realschule (in germany there are three types of schools, from the 5th grade... hauptschule 5th-9th grade, realschule 5th-10th grade and high school 5th-11th grade with Abitur) I was bullied from the 5th to the 9th grade, it only stopped when I repeated the 9th grade... I often wanted to take my life, nobody did noticed something! I have fear of loss, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, fear of death, I can't deal well with the topic of grief (I have rats as pets and they only live 2-3 years) and I also suffer from hypersensitivity, which makes it all worse ! I've been in therapy for years and it helps me to some extent! But there are people around me who don't understand that "back then you were completely different, lively, happy, you laughed, you went to parties"... my answer is "because I don't show everyone how I really feel inside "... Just because I'm heavily tattooed, have pink hair and do my nails doesn't mean everything is fine! You can't put me in a box!

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰🥰

[@alicjaskwarek4230]

grieving is a very big part of my life. you will learn to deal with it or not, but its fine, you are who you are, have fun with it. i have painkillers with me all of the times now... love you girl.

[@juliadesiree2021]

❤ Thank you! I'm just 3 minutes in, but I'm already happy that your video popped up (first time I see your content). I realized a couple of days ago that I'm probably autistic, never thought about that because of wrong ideas about autism, but I was diagnosed with other things in the past, e.g. CPTSD and generalized anxiety, which felt partly right but I never felt understood when I had therapy.. anyway, it blows my mind how I suddenly hear autistic people talking about what it's like and every time I can relate so intensely.. and I feel that what you are going to talk about is going to blow my mind even more.. there are people that feel like me 😯 I am so fucking burnt out at the moment, again.. 😑 I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm just very excited right now... dat ik niet de enige ben. Groetjes uit Leeuwarden :) 🌸

[@NikkiRaven]

Welcome!!! I'm so glad you found my channel! En dank je wel voor het delen😘

[@rosegarcia5592]

Thank you for sharing, I can relate. I have no one to talk to as I don't have any friends...

[@NikkiRaven]

💚

[@eyesofthemoon437]

Thank you for this!!

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@rantygobshyte8219]

I have ADHD and Autism, and I maintain that both 'conditions' are perfectly normal, but society (and especially the workplace) are now structured around a certain type of personality that has now been classed as 'typical'. I used to thrive in my job before it became so rigid and process driven

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@lexusgodina2296]

I’m quite a bit younger than you at 25 but I can very much relate to this just as a female on the spectrum of autism. Not fitting in even if you accept the fact is still always going to be alienating in the way of how you view the world vs an allistic point of view. It’s very complex bc the common advice there is- ‘don’t care of what others think of you and just do you’- But as an autistic individual we’ve done that and been criticized for being rude or cold or detached or weird. So it’s a frustrating paradox none the less.

[@AnnettesMakeupCorner]

Appreciate you sharing your journey, I'm sure these videos will help a lot of people!

[@NikkiRaven]

Thanks hon🥰

[@emy_themua2015]

I honestly think you’re going to find even more strength than you even realised you had going through this process & you are already an amazing light & soul in so many peoples worlds hun so this is only going to make you shine even brighter Just you wait Sis 🙏🥰💖

[@NikkiRaven]

thank youuuu😭

[@goblingirlbeauty]

I've had so much grief in my lfie that has nothing to do with people in my life. When I was in my 20's I found out I couldn't have children, and I needed to grieve that diagnosis. When I left my old state in the US, I had to grieve not only the people but the place. And yeah, a lot of my diagnosises, I've had to learn to grieve what could have been.

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@ellaamathews]

thank you for sharing your experience :)

[@NeurodiverJENNt]

"I am not okay and that is okay" words of wisdom

[@EricaConger]

I work in the psych field now and we diagnose ASD and help folks seek community resources. It truly is a spectrum. And I think every single person falls on the spectrum some place. I have some sensory issues. Have since childhood. There’s no such thing as normal. We are all just surviving. I’m so proud of you for discussing this. You’re a true hero, Nikki. ❤❤❤

[@NikkiRaven]

Thanks hon🥰🥰

[@kalliepetersonkikibright8365]

Hi beautiful Mother Raven! I just wanted to share a couple thoughts and one little thing with you after watching this video…first, though you say this video was about helping yourself, it’s going to help a lot of us. Finding someone in a community, like beauty, I know I find highly relatable, has been good for my mental health too. Thank you for doing this, it takes courage to share something so personal. And on a side note, I am using your soft calming voice to help acclimate two abandoned kittens I adopted. I cannot talk for long periods of time and they need to get used to people and noises, so I thought you’d be perfect for the “job.” I’ve always found your videos to be fun but also soothing. So I’m just sitting in a corner of their safe room crocheting a blanket and watching your videos today, and probably for the next several days. ❤

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@NikkiRaven]

Awww I hope they will feel at home soon🥰

[@neridafarrer4633]

I so relate ....I've done the researching, the talking to my doc, but he just said "well if you already know, why pay all that money to find out something you already know?" I still would like to go down the diagnosis road, but it's expensive and I don't even drive yet (I just turned 50). Now, realising the ADHD fits as well as the Aspergers ASD, I am thinking of trying to get that diagnosis, but it's a loooog wait to see the ADHD psych . Oh well, I'm very comfortable about self-identifying and self-diagnosing, I have a high IQ and like you, I reseach on KZbin A LOT! And well it's been enough years for me to come to terms with accepting that Autism is part of who I am , and yet, yeah, some days or weeks or months are harder than others. I have recently found a couple of "weird sisters" that are being me the joy of finding "my people". One, who was a beastie when I was 10 that I've recently reconnected with. After so many years of masking until extreme burnout and isolating for years as a result. I'm never going back to a situation where masking is "needed" as the burnout was sooooo intense and long-winded, but then again, I am an autistic/ADHDer who had 7 children from the age of 17 and a vocation of performance artist (singer in bands) at the same time, so it's no wonder I got so exhausted and burnt out, I was close to giving up the ghost. I am diagnosed with c-ptsd and I did get the "borderline" diagnosis which, like you, didn't fit. C-ptsd fits but that's partly, I believe, because I was an autistic and ADHD girl long before people started recognising how it all presents in girls and women, and not having the right supports and considerations can lead to a lot of extreme stress, ill mental health and ultimately traumatic experiences. I think having to try to survive in the world as an overlooked autistic woman can even be experienced as a kind of trauma in itself. It really is childhood neglect, let's face it. I believe my mum is most likely an ADHDer and my dad is 100% textbook Aspergers ASD, so they did their best but I ended up a homeless, deeply depressed and traumatized teenager at 16. Anyway enough of that sad talk from me. On the positive side, coming to terms with my oddness, my always being on the edge, on the margins, never "fitting in" finally got me finding someone like me to share my life with and that is sooooo so cherished, particularly as life has been so extremely AuDHD-y. I will never be able to be anyone but myself anymore and now that I know how to love and care for myself, I'm less harmingly sensitive to how people find me odd, clunky, "too much" , "not enough" etc, etc, etc. My children, for the most part, accept and love me for how I am (and some of them are autistic and ADHDy) and that is truly wonderful and appreciated. We Autists, at least the ones like me, don't take the acceptance for granted, as it's been so hard to come by, and I see that as such a beautiful strength and gift. I think you are very real, raw and relatable and it's refreshing and comforting to meet, yet another soul, who I can relate to and have these commonalities with. I feel less "weird" "not normal" and fringe, knowing that you exist Nickie, and I like it. Thank you for sharing! :-)

[@ravenstormcloud678]

Thank you for sharing. I like your philosophy of "weird" is my normal. Also love your cawffee mug!

[@morio9284]

I understand your complaints absolutely and you are absolutely correct. I have almost same (autistic) burnout problems and in general the autistic thought / complaints. 🤗😊 I wish you well, and the best in life. ❤️🤗

[@NikkiRaven]

I wish the same for you🥰

[@ffs1936]

34yo Dutchie here 🙋🏻‍♀️ I recognize so so much you're telling me! Im the process of being tested, because I'm burned out at home and needed help to deal with things. The psychologist asked me: have you ever considered you might be on the autism spectrum? And I was flabbergasted. I did several test, over and over again (because I'm alot different on different days, because of what happens on those days) to see if the results might change because of my mood. But the results are pretty much the same. So then I cried and panicked because I didn't expect or plan to get this diagnosis (haha the irony of planning). I'm definitely going to follow you online, because it's so nice to recognize things I can't share with anyone!

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you for sharing your story!🥰🥰

[@LasCJ]

I appreciate this video. I've been doing a lot of research and digging into myself to figure out why I've never felt "normal" or why I get easily irritated and overwhelmed by things that should be considered part of everyday life. Like I can't handle more than 2 "big" events in my week. That includes things I even consider fun and love. It just gets to be too much and then the next thing you know you want to have a tantrum like you're 5 years old or sit in a dark room. (Am I the only one who feels controlled sensory deprivation would be nice?) It's hard to accept, especially when you have friends and family who can just keep going and going. A lot still confuses me, but I'm just realizing my mindset has probably been different for most of my life so of course many things just didn't make sense as far as human behavior and interaction.

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@anatolia0222]

A lot of the reason I'm seeking an official diagnosis is because its the only way to be able to get reasonable adjustments from my work and with my studies. I already have reasonable adjustments for my ADHD and other things, but I have meltdowns that sometimes cause me to be unable to speak and/or cause me to be extremely uncontrollably emotional. I'm sorry you're experiencing burnout and that it's difficult to work through things. I know with my ADHD diagnosis I got really angry because things could have been so different had I been diagnosed as a child or teen.

[@NikkiRaven]

I understand 💚

[@plantsmgee]

i am impressed by your cup. the coffee stains are amazing and show me you have a lot of selfcare / drink coffee, and thats awesome

[@rosangelameschi2162]

I'm relating with your feelings right now. I started having issues with anxiety 6 months after my mom died, in 1992. The normal box will never be accessible for me again and sometimes this hurts sometimes I take it easier. My bag is like yours. I tend to forecast any possible situation not only for me but for people around me. I definitely sympathise with you.

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@karenkiolbassa]

I love your glasses

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@NikkiRaven]

Big hug🥰

[@loopyfrog]

meh, who wants to be normal?! I sure don't! One of the reasons I love you so much is that you're not normal. Normal is boring. Yes, being autistic is hard, but it is probably part of the reason why you're so cool and fun and interesting. I hope you get to the acceptance stage and realise just how amazing you are, and how strong you are for dealing with life in a neuotrypical world with zero support. You rock!

[@NikkiRaven]

aww thanks hon, I'll get there don't worry xoxo

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

The DSM is designed for inter professional dialogue & files. It roughly describes constellations of symptoms, indications etc. given the Patriarchal nature of Medicine, diagnosis is was framed as ‘deficits’. I also have to ENTIRELY feel, anticipate & be regulated for actions & behaviours. I understand. I was so severely abused & mistreated by people for so long? My lonely misery went from self disgust & disappointment to an ‘ah ha’ that felt like an ‘oh’ which was understandable. In my 40s, I dyed my hair a multicolour effect because I quit my professional consulting & made more money dogwalking & having my hair dyed also comforted me in that I had a reason, as you said, for ‘why people stare’ & dislike me on first sight. It was more manageable to have a reason that let me dismiss their Problem as not Mine. So much of what you’re saying makes sense…

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰🥰

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

@@NikkiRaven I just wish to point out that.. we love you something fierce, because you’re fiercely Nikki

[@shelleychowles5037]

What you are feeling the grief is perfectly "normal" - as a parent I felt this when my boys got diagnosed grief/guilt thinking about all the things they wouldn't be able to do. I had some really good friends who made me see it is about what they can do and when they achieve something new. Don't get me wrong there are still times that I get hit by the my kids will never be able to to do that - and that's OK. Becoming drained emotional or physical is (in our households experience) part of trying to please others to be how others expect us to be or even how we think we should be within society - my oldest suffers really badly with this and can have really low moods. We know the signs and help break the cycle before getting to this stage Thank you for doing these videos and being true to you P.s sorry for the essay

[@anuvi7368]

My (now adult) son is probably autistic. When he was a kid the school psychologist wanted him to have asperger syndrome diagnosed. I was very much against it. I saw the things why he was thought to have it and I admitted them but still did not feel he had aspergers. We (parents, teacher, psychologist and special needs teacher) were arranged a meeting with a specialist (in a place that was specialised in neurodiversity with children and young people) and the specialist did not see a need for the diagnose. This was about 10 years ago. Sometimes I find myself thinking would it had been better for him to get that diagnoses or not, did I do wrong for him for not letting it happen. On the other hand I find myself fighting against the need for labels for everything. Why can't for instance autism be just one part of normal? Why can't normalcy fit everyone in? I understand that in order to make life easier for everyone we need the labels in some extent and to sort of educate the "normal" people but I hate the stigmas that are still very much attached to being different. Sorry, I got a bit carried away. I just wanted to send you a hug and tell you that I think I understand, about the grief and especially about the guilt. ❤ I also wanted to turn things a bit. There is nothing your boys can't do, there are just things that are harder for them but it can also be called a choice. They can choose not to do some things in life. Then there are some things that may become accessible after time and growing up. I wish all the good things in life to you and your boys! 😘

[@shelleychowles5037]

@@anuvi7368 definitely agree with you about labels - for us it's been to help with education so that they have the right support and school. For us our lives are "normal" but yes other people who don't live it run in the opposite direction (not everyone but that's our experience) or give pitying looks. Some of it is choice definitely my older won't do anything if he thinks it's what others want lol - teen years are on another level although I do think that his is also due to the fact he hates failing at anything so its easier in away not to even try. Please don't apologise - just like the "normal" everyone has different experiences and situations and by sharing it can help others

[@suusvb83]

I am so very proud of you!! And as I always say.....normal is sooo boring! You are and always will be my big sister who I look up to. Love very much❤❤😘😘

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you so much, I’m very proud of you too! Love youuuuu😍🥰😘

[@lucymcadory2014]

Love you Nikki!!

[@beautifuldreamer0811]

OH MY GOD YOUR NAILS ARE PERFECTION 😍😍😍 oke back to the video! 😁

[@NikkiRaven]

hihi, thank youuu

[@sandijames6409]

I've masked for most of 60 years and boy does it catch up! I can relate to what you are saying. It is a grieving process to know we won't fit in that normal box even though we never did fit in it anyway. But, when I really think about it, I don't want to be in any box at all. Thanks for sharing.

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@AyDee56]

You finally made some things make sense and “click” for me Thank you so much for making these videos 💜

[@NikkiRaven]

You're so welcome!

[@makemywayman]

i sooooo can relate to what you say and feel !

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@purpleivy9174]

I’ve never met a person that is “normal “. I’ve watched hundreds of people who pretend to act that way. But nope, never talked to anyone with that label. We must let go of LABELS. Other then beautiful, and you Nikki are truly beautiful.

[@rikkeknudsen_]

Hi! I resonnate with absolutely every word you said in this video. I felt this was like a mirror of my thoughts these days❤

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@Silviaexcuchuflus]

Hi, Nikki!!! You’re great, fun and beautiful in your own personal way. I’m so happy for you if your diagnosis will help you to figure out things that you feel are wrong and causing you pain. But you’re an unique human being and much more than a label or a box 😘😘😘

[@NikkiRaven]

thank you so much!

[@offthebrand]

Yes to ALL of this. I see you and you see me.

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰

[@marymoodsandmakeup4219]

Listening quietly at work and you described so many things that was yes, normal is a word drawn in the sand. Feeling the same, if I do two activities or more although I enjoy them I need time to quiet my head. It’s too much and I feel drained. Burn out is a yes. It’s like a mood that your okay, just not quite the energy level or tolerance level to drama or something going wrong. Then it’s like gasoline on a fire reaction and the unpredictability of it.

[@NikkiRaven]

exactly!

[@gillypiexo]

I am so glad you put out this video. You are a Very Brave one Nikki. I relate with you so much & I am feeling exactly the same way you are explaining. it is so important to get this particular kind of validation you know? you & people in the comments, makes me feel safer, makes me feel more valid & more confident in myself somehow, appreciate and love myself more. I ❤️ you & all of you guys that relate. you have created a wonderful safe space & community here Nikki 😊

[@NikkiRaven]

💚💚💚

[@ciaraskeleton]

I thought i had adhd first, and just started adapting little things here and there to help me cope with it. Then i continued through life and i noticed that actually, a lot of what i was experiencing was Autism. I spoke to my mental health team, they agreed and im awaiting diagnosis (though im not sure i even care much for it!). I think its so true that there is way less stigma surrounding adhd. Theres more research, theres medication, people have known about it for decades. They still stereotype it but compared to ASD its so much more accepted. Understood. Asd is SO misunderstood. The whole 'just do it' attitude kills me. I cant. I cannot just do it. Im shutting down, im in pain, and my brain is no longer working. The attitude of 'keep going' is what harms me the most. If i dont have my ducks in a row, i cant function. If i dont do things exactly the same way, every single day, i get so overwhelmed and stressed that i cant function. The more i go through life, the more i notice how much it impacts me. I try to explain it to people like 'if i dont do my routine, my rituals, and i just 'go' then it feels as if i am coming at life from the 'wrong' angle. Like im blind to life. I dont know where i am or who i am and i cant function'. Thats how important my routine and rituals, stims, alone time, interests etc are to me. I need those things like a non autistic person needs food air and water. I cant see life or function within it unless i have all of my personal structured markers to feel safe and move forward. Youre right too about getting older. Im only 26 and i live such a 'boring' life. I used to do a lot of spontaneous things and then just suffer for weeks, but now i know im Autistic, i dont want to suffer like that bc i know how bad it is for me. I also feel like i need someone to grab onto like a life jacket, but if i did id be worse because thats not what i need. Like you, what i need is to process and make sense of myself and my life. I wanted to get my house renovated for years, i planned it, i chose to do it and i love it but now im also burnt out and struggling immensely with adapting to the change. I also have wanted to lose weight for a long time and then suddenly i have lost quite a lot of weight and now its frightening. Cause i didnt plan it. Im struggling with how it all seems 'out of control'. Even though these are things i really want. Thats the nature of Autism. Everything we do, everything we dont do, comes with a great sacrifice. We have to constantly think 'if i do this thing, will i even be able to do the next?' or we plan and we put all of our energy into preparation and then things dont go to plan, again we have to deal with huge consequences.

[@Truerealism747]

Do you have pain daily from your autism

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

I recently found out myself, and am in burnout too.

[@killywilly740]

I can relate to everything you said. It's hard sometimes because unfortunately the people in ny life don't understand, but it's...something of a comfort to know I'm not alone.

[@NikkiRaven]

😘

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

(First impression: I think I ended up with the same eyewear!?! I’m blind as a bat & my Husband picks my frames for me) It is interesting to me that I’m in my 50s & finally understanding that I have Autism, & I have a degree in Neuropaychology since ‘96. & nobody noticed until I figured it out myself as I went through breast cancer treatment 2 years ago…

[@NikkiRaven]

🥰🥰🥰

[@und3rlime]

Yes, you are enough!!! 😍😚😍

[@xana.samsara]

Sorry, I feel like I'm going to leave a bunch of comments, I'm just watching the video and things pop into my mind. When I found out I was autistic (pre official diagnosis, which I was fortunately able to get, but I feel like self diagnosis is just as valid), it was a roller coaster. At first, I felt like the universe finally made perfect sense, and I was excited and happy. Later, I had to mourn a bunch of things: my incorrect diagnoses, and the frustration and anger that came with the damage those did to me; the life I COULD have had, with a lot less struggles, if I had been diagnosed as a kid like my male family member; and also, as you mention, the notion that "one day I'll feel normal, one day I'll FINALLY be able to do x and y and not feel overwhelmed by z, and be totally cool with life. I always struggled because I saw that I had such a hard time with stuff that was second nature to """normal""" people. Knowing it was autism allowed me to make peace with all that, to understand why that is, and to focus on my ND strengths. But in order to get there, I also went through a period of grief, I feel like. I wonder if that makes sense to you, in light of what you're feeling as well.

[@xana.samsara]

I should have waited... you literally say it later in the video🙈

[@NikkiRaven]

Yes t makes sense😅 and I don’t mind you leaving heaps of comments, Im the same way🙈 Honestly I’m scared to go for an official diagnoses..They never believed me in the past and I’m just afraid they won’t believe me now🥺

[@AppalachianAllegory]

There's definitely a grieving process, I think, for autistic adults. But I want to say, you were valid, and worthy, and important before, and you are just as valid, and worthy, and important now. ♥️

[@AppalachianAllegory]

Your thoughts deeply, deeply resonated with me. I was diagnosed many years ago, at age 30. And I went through a whole process of re-learning about myself, and unmasking. And I was burned out, and felt anxious, and had a lot of fears. But now that I'm on the other side of that, I actually truly love myself, for the first time in my life.

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you so much for sharing that🥰

[@claudiaochayon2730]

It's great to finally know where we fit and belong dx or not! Wish I could just shave my hair. It seems so liberating but my hair has alot to my identity but no maintenance is appealing. Overstimuation is something I too am trying to find the balance in . On this same journey at 58 thx from South Africa

[@BeautybyAnneChris]

I just want to give you the biggest of hugs! You are so brave for sharing ❤️❤️

[@NikkiRaven]

Thank you so much!!

[@talena907]

I related to all of this but The hand tattoos and Marco Polo made me laugh, Marco Polo is the perfect mix of availability & space, but visual and verbal processing 🤣👌🏻 my tattoos aren’t quite the same, but I do also have a spider.

[@und3rlime]

Actual spontaneity... Yeah, never gonna happen! Planned windows with people, where anything can happen, is as close as I will ever get. Helps balancing out my impulsivity though 😁😅

[@lisam22]

I love your weirdness, because it makes my weirdness normal. I personally have a problem with the word 'normal' when describing a person, maybe because I'm mum to an awesome young man with ASD/Aspergers. No-one, literally no-one, is normal. When it comes to diagnosis of a life long condition - just focus on you. You haven't changed since the minute before your diagnosis to the minute after it. You're still you. You're still bloody fabulous. Grieving is a normal part of this - but don't let it eat away at you. You're still you. You've made it this far. Much love from a fellow weirdo, all be it a neurotypical one (urgh, am I normal?)...

[@anuvi7368]

I find it "weird" that people find Nikki weird because I never have. 🙂 Does that make me weird? 😂 Sorry if my stupid humour is too much! Big hug to you and your awesome young man! 🥰My awesome young man is already a young adult and he too is really awesome! 😍 Has always been! Thank you for saying what I tried to say in much clearer (and shorter 🤣) way than I ever could. 👍

[@lisam22]

@@anuvi7368 Yes - agreed! I've never found Nikki 'weird', I feel a bit like I found a far better looking cooler more interesting version of me on the interweb. Kindred spirit. Much love to you and your awesome young man (mine is 19 now, where does the time go?!)...

[@gypsysnickerdoodle4354]

💞

[@steeneugenpoulsen8174]

For me I think the problem is making mistakes and being "put in my place for being an idiot that made the mistake", so I get help to make the package list, so now the list give me a single line of say socks I can concentrate on and pack and if any issues comes up I have no problem forgiving the other person for giving me bad advice, it is just myself I can't forgive. It is like I'm really bad at being a normal person, but I'm really good at being an autistic person. Things just start at a more positive level. So if people around me want me to be "involved" they better figure out how to reduce my stress, because I'm perfectly happy just staying at home and doing things I enjoy. With all the negativity the "cure" mentality throw at autistic, it can be easy to forget that someone autistic is usually really good at being autistic. If I have touch sensitivity I'm actually really good at being a touch sensitive autistic person.

[@NikkiRaven]

Yes exactly!

[@kerlivs.makeup2503]

for quite some time now, i kinda believe that I'm somewhat on the spectrum... never been diagnosed but always been the weird kid that didn't fit in... i can totally relate to your feelings!

[@MakeupwithUli]

Guuuurl I feel yeah when you said ‘ I have to go running 😫🥴’

[@NikkiRaven]

🙈

[@debutawn]

Floki is such a cutie pie 🥰 I’m so incredibly proud of you and I know this video was not easy for you but I’m so glad you shared with everyone how you are sorting through all this information and emotions. Knowing that you have dealt with autism your whole life and not understanding what was going on and now having all the answers this many years later is like a bomb has went off in your lap and now your having to sort through everything 💜 But information is key and I know you and you don’t just take these things lightly so I know you will continue to educate yourself and I think navigating how to adjust in life that will allow you to be your most authentic self will ultimately be such a beautiful process to watch! Love you my sweet soul sister 💜

[@NikkiRaven]

Thanks hon, love you!🥰

[@WizardKitty723]

I figured out I’m autistic a couple months ago at the age of 50. I’ve then figured out that I’ve been in a state of burnout for several years. I’m wondering if there’s anything I can do besides be gentle with myself to get back some energy and ability to get stuff done. I’ve been trying to unmask, and allow myself accommodations like earplugs, sunglasses, etc. I totally get the grieving thing. But it’s also so great to finally know why I’m so different and to find community.

[@NikkiRaven]

I understand that so wel! I think the only thing we can do is to work through what we need to in small bits. Talking to others on the spectrum also helps😘

[@MOJORAPSCALLION]

I’m totally overwhelmed by the UK system constant fight for 12 yrs with NHS, DWP, social care still going on I’m utterly broken I think I have autistic burnout I have ASD & ADHD, diagnosed 2022 I was diagnosed at 48. My coping strategies have disappeared and I’m utterly overwhelmed. Ps. Frequent big changes to my life without my having any control has put me In burnout as well as sensory overwhelmed it’s both. I still want to do things I don’t feel sad but have zero energy and executive function.. I am a 24-7 masker. I cannot take time to rest because of numerous serious chronic illnesses and multiple disabilities, I’m around carers 7 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year now a decade and I have 3 tubes just to pee, eat, get fluids medications via my bowel and to drain my stomach 24-7 it’s exhausting and I’m utterly burnt out and don’t know what to do.

[@anuvi7368]

I have never felt normal so I did not miss it or feel sorry for never ever going to be normal after realising I was HSP. I am very much aware that HSP is not the same as autism but I have had similar difficulties in life that autistic people may have and feel very much related to many things you have mentioned about your experiences and feelings, which is why I feel safe to comment. I have always needed my "extras" in life so that did not change, I still need them to be able to do things. I think it was very wisely said when my friend mentioned once that an examination of a dog (in this case spinal x-ray) does not make the dog sick no matter what the results are, it still is the same dog than before the examination. I apologise if this feels inappropriate to some that I refer to a situation with a dog. I just think that it somewhat suits with humans too. We still are the same after a diagnose than before. Yes, there may be tons of things you have to go through and many things may feel hard to accept but still, you are you, the one you have always been. And I don't mean to say that one should not feel overwhelmed or confused or sad or something, I just wish that one could be more merciful towards oneself, more accepting perhaps? I know that you mean a bit different things when saying you are sad for never getting in that normal box and I feel you. It just reminded me of those above feelings of mine. Even though it is not the same. One of the hardest things with going away somewhere is, when I'm told to "pack lightly". I do not know how and I am not able to do that. Because I have to have stuff, just in case. Even though I know I probably won't need even half of it. But I have to pack them. Just in case. I don't know if any of this made any sense. And for some reason this video is stirring something inside of me, making me think of certain things and due to that, cry a little. I also want to thank you Nikki for this and the previous video about autism, so thank you very much! ❤️

[@NikkiRaven]

The dog makes perfect sense, and it is true. I am still the same as before, I just haves bit more knowledge.. Yeah, packing lightly is definitely a struggle🤣🙈

[@jennteal5265]

What you may find is that by understanding yourself better and how your own brain works, it makes it easier to deal with the "unexpected." I know that change or unexpected things are very difficult for me to handle at times, especially when I'm not at my best. I found a low dose of an anti-anxiety Rx and hobbies that are calming really help. I love cross stitch because it is so repetitive. Sometimes I just need to be by myself. I need the chance to sort of resituate myself. It comes with time. I know that the ability to "read" someone's body language or facial expression won't even come naturally, but there are advantages to being oblivious to that. I'm not as aware of disapproving stares or judgy people and I can't say that's necessarily a bad thing because I'm happy with myself and I know I'm a kind person. If they don't catch on to that, that's their loss. Edit: I completely understand how you hit your "wall" when you went to Amsterdam, after getting your tattoos. I suspect that you were "on" while you were getting your tattoos and then by the time you were finished with the process and arrived in Amsterdam, you just didn't have the energy to be "on" anymore. You'll get it as you learn your warning signs. Please excuse my rather meandering comment ;)

[@NikkiRaven]

Don’t apologize hon, your comment made a lot of sense🥰

[@marymoodsandmakeup4219]

Hi Nikki ❤️ and kitty cat who wants to keep you company.