Bullets Aren't Cheap - SNL

In the latest 007 film, "Bullets Aren't Cheap," agent James Bond (Steve Martin) takes a holiday on his own dime. When expenses aren't covered, Bond is a total cheapskate, even when gambling against the evil Goldsting (Sting). Aired 10/17/87
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[@doger944]

Bullets aren't cheap would actually be a really good name for a Bond novel

[@tyrant-den884]

doger944 sir better yet: a movie.

[@KnickKnack07]

Why? They ARE cheap. Ranging from like 5-10 cents to like 60 cents.

[@sergeantbigmac]

knickknack07 Use your brain; It could have a double meaning like most anything Bond... Not the literal cost of a physical bullet but what that bullet costs when it takes a life... The mental toll, the political backlash of a Gov agent killing, Bond making enemies with the wrong people... All things which have a cost greater than a bullet.

[@floobersman]

knickknack07 it would be an insult to say that a bullet is more expensive that taking that person's life

[@gordonanderson3111]

even better, Condoms Are Not Cheap

[@seanwalsh5717]

RIP Jan Hooks (the "Bond Girl" in red), who passed at 57.

[@gailremp3628]

Oh my goodness. I did not know that she had passed. She was such a delight. Thank you for letting us know.

[@thumper62973]

She died of throat cancer in 2014..

[@macmacreynolds8712]

100th like!

[@k8fearsnoart]

"GoldSting!" is where I just lost it and couldn't stop laughing! And the stuffed rabbit!

[@Defender78]

OmG lol awesome, cuteness bunny!

[@EmpyreanLightASMR]

He was so good with that bunny. At one point on the table one leg kept twitching like it wanted to get away and I for real thought maybe it was a real bunny after all. Super subtle but so funny!

[@NightSkyJeff]

Goldstinger would've been better, but...

[@aislinnkeilah7361]

When SNL was actually funny

[@talkingthetalk3640]

​@@aislinnkeilah7361 that's what all old people say.

[@sugaredwards6207]

5:48 public BART train (Bay Area Rapid Transit) on the outside, fancy private cabin on the inside, w/ champagne 🥂 lol

[@Esrom_music]

Right? And why would snl be using clips of Bart. Weird

[@StarshipYorktown]

@@Esrom_music They did it for laughs, to show how cheap he is.

[@stevenrichards3699]

Victoria Jackson and Jan Hooks were really quite the babes ! (R.I.P. Jan Hooks )

[@johnLjelks]

Victoria really let herself go

[@robbernath]

Victoria Jackson was the silhouetted Bond girl in the beginning of this skit. She was always doing her acrobatics on Weekend Update around this same time as well.

[@wengkinchen4251]

Qaqq 000000000000iiuu7ujuo9jo89iyioop90iiojf487

[@jeffreydevoti7000]

And cute as a beagle puppy

[@claytonbrown7120]

And then she became an insane right wing nutball

[@robbernath]

@dmartin5080 keep your hate to yourself

[@claytonbrown7120]

@@robbernath Why should we keep our hate of evil and corruption to ourselves? Do you pretend to love evil?

[@thegood9]

sadly, the Disney reference don't hold up as a "cheap" place to take a date for a getaway anymore in 2019...lol.

[@mergingmarky8274]

Love the nuance of Nora Dunn blinking incessantly at John Lovitz while he silently murmers, laughing briefly at the end of their scene together..1:30

[@albertdesign5614]

I was in love with Jan Hooks and Victoria Jackson as a kid. I was especially fond of the Bootblack skit with them and Tom Hanks -- SNL(1990 - Season 15, Episode 13)

[@RichV20]

inDEEEED!

[@DutchComedian]

I love this cast so much. I was a toddler when they were first aired but Comedy Central used to show re-runs when I was a teen. This era is my favorite. Rest in peace Phil and Jan

[@mitchellhughes5180]

Same

[@jg2722]

Most of the old seasons of SNL are not even funny. I watched many and didn’t laugh once. SNL finally got good during Season 26 and up.

[@curtishalcomb3249]

@@jg2722 that’s a matter of opinion. SNL stopped being funny after Chris Farley sadly passed.

[@Georgina-lv9bt]

Mine too, I was about the same age but grew up on watching the reruns from the late 80s/early 90s, still consider it the best era.

[@baronvonnembles]

@@jg2722 Child.

[@barnoldwhv]

Sting makes a decent bond villain.

[@asmrcritique6565]

Agreed!!

[@MsZoedog66]

He was good in 'Dune' also - missed calling as an actor

[@cesareaugusto9677]

Indeed. I could envision him battling Roger Moore or Timothy Dalton back in the 80s

[@airdriver]

Funny you should say that. In 1984 when they were filming “A View To A Kill”, the producers trie to get either Sting or David Bowie to play the villain Zorin. Either could accept the offer so Christopher Walken played the part.

[@mkvv5687]

@@airdriver Wow. They all were great choices.

[@joemarchione97]

Steve Martin really is a comedic genius.

[@adamsinger123]

@6:42 I love how the final visual gag, of him trying to pour the champagne back into the bottle, _IS,_ also, a great visual-entendre. Complete with pushing the cork in ;-)

[@macmacreynolds8712]

I love how Jan's orgasmic cries come to a satisfactory end when he puts that cork in!

[@Truthseeker-kc8rd]

The last Oh james😂😅

[@LASR71]

Ha haa, not only a cheapskate, but a suggestive pouring, good catch!

[@jennifersman7990]

What’s kind of lost here is that Sting could’ve been a great Bond villain back in the day, same with David Bowie

[@1ManNamedDan]

Sting WAS a great villain as Fade Rutha in Dune

[@ericbacklund7954]

The role of Zorrin from "A View to a Kill" was written for Bowie.

[@evanx383]

@@1ManNamedDan No, he wasn't. That movie was an INSULT to the book, and an insult to any intelligent person.

[@evanx383]

However, Bowie did portray Tesla.

[@davidgreen5099]

@@evanx383 it was an insult to the book.

[@Aramanth]

*"The pretzels are no longer complimentary, Mr. Bond."* 🥨🥨🥨🥨 I had this recorded on VHS back in the 80s *LOL!* Love Sting's little bunny!! 🐰

[@palpatine775]

One thing that cracks me up is at 1:32 Nora Dunn starts fluttering her eyelids rapidly as her scene ends.....

[@adamc1966]

I could watch Victoria do gymnastics all day :)

[@logansfury]

This is one of my fav SNL casts of all time. So much amazing comedy! This skit is particularly funny :)

[@michaellinner7772]

Absolutely right

[@haoleboysurfec2730]

Goldsting pulls his pound note from the rabbit's butt. Lol

[@JewandGreek]

Sting was a great actor. I wish he'd done more of that.

[@boomerbobable]

He was in Murders In The Building season 1 with Stave Martin

[@yt45204]

Yeah, he nailed it. Really got it all. The whole lock, stock and two smoking barrels.

[@granthurlburt4062]

Nora Dunn is so cool and distinctive. Underappreciated, in my view. Saw her in at least one film. Wouldnt mistake her for anyone else.

[@tombombadil9123]

Bond is probably the most parodied of all movie franchises, but this is unique :) stingy Bond

[@emj3328]

Ah, Corona. I'll have a Corona. Me *screams internally.*

[@pgyt5548]

Same.

[@random22026]

'Coronas for EVERYONE! It's on ME, Me, MEEEEEEEEEE!' ...

[@robertotamesis1783]

I like Corona ,it's top 3 beers in the world, but Vin Diesel says its expressive.😉👍

[@vincecorvaia4661]

Hartman, Hooks - never a false moment during their entire run.

[@semja]

Jon Lovitz's accent is on point

[@featherface]

the shadow of the boom mike was in the back round lol!

[@mikehike596]

Upon second viewing of the bottle-corking finale, caught a nice touch that was very subtle. At the end of _From Russia With Love,_ Sean Connery threw away the X-rated "blackmail" footage into the waters and waved bye-bye with a very deliberate hand movement. It seemed Steve Martin, in this train sequence that was reminiscent of the movie (they played the music from the movie too, over the train montage), was emulating the hand motion that was evocative, as he pulled his hand away.

[@simonrandall5471]

Should have been "Goldstinger".

[@cesareaugusto9677]

"Only Murders in the Building" starring Steve Martin and guest-starring Sting brought me back here!

[@mkvv5687]

Ah, yes! The collaboration continues!

[@eezyclsmooth9035]

Jan Hooks was always a Beauty but, here she looks simply Stunning in Red with Diamonds! RIP Ms. Hooks.

[@squatch545]

Jan Hooks, Victoria Jackson and Nora Dunn were all hot.

[@MrMekmek29]

Can we all just appreciate Jon Lovitz British Accent... :)

[@skys6655]

A scorpion can sting many times and live to tell the tail

[@davidbcalhoun]

5:48 30+ years later and the BART trains look exactly the same...

[@firebird3949]

An old SNL classic. Love this skit!!!

[@gabrielwinter1112]

"Goldsting!!" The way he says it is so funny! "The Pretzels are no longer complementary!"

[@dyronw.brodbeck]

Phil Hartman and Jan Hooks - comical geniuses take too early.

[@eduardopena5893]

They were rather close off screen as well. When Phil had problems at home with his wife's drug addiction problems, it was Jan he called to take care of his children to get them out of the house. Phil's wife was extremely jealous of their friendship and insisted that they were married on another level, and also had written death threat letters to her. This is the same wife who murdered Phil and then later took her own life.

[@joesimon2018]

Jan Hooks. One of SNL's best. You rarely saw her dressed up hot and sexy in sketches.

[@dejapollo]

Has Steve Martin looked the same since birth?

[@matsujonen]

Apollos 02 well he was born a poor black child

[@milascave2]

james: In the South.

[@danielwhitman763]

O have an early album of his , On the cover ...He had reddish hair , and q full beard .

[@taydrabrookshire347]

Opinunate ted *the conspiracy unfolds*

[@keithwald5349]

Yes. Interestingly, both he and Bob Newhart where born at the age of 50, and remained that age for decades. Very rare medical condition.

[@steveconn]

Ha, that's a Bart train from San Fran he's taking at 5:47 ("The pretzels are NO LONGER complimentary!!").

[@conorwade2535]

GoldSting hahahaha

[@displayfireworks]

1:56 Finds a coin and then shoots at us. LOL

[@kayosjv9611]

I came here for Steve Martin, AND THEN STING SHOWED UP

[@macmacreynolds8712]

They even look similar; Sting looks like he could've been Steve's long lost cousin or nephew!

[@keithjohnson5189]

Constantine Chaos a

[@sandrasmith6963]

i thought, old blue eyes.

[@AvengerII]

I liked the fact Sting was in this sketch! Made it more memorable. So many musicians take themselves way too seriously. It's nice to say they CAN play along with SNL.

[@mihaimarchidann5067]

you got stung

[@malcolmdean6899]

I want my beer shaken. What a riot.

[@MapleSyrupPoet]

What can Steve not dooo? Brilliant darlingssss 😅

[@MrDuds1984]

Loved Jan Hooks!

[@unicron93]

if you loved 007 in this movie wait until you see spend another day

[@withlove2963]

unicron93 Genius!

[@x.y.8581]

On His Majesties Expense Account and MasterCard is Not Enough!

[@jjryan1352]

Goldsting: No Mister Bond, I expect you to pay!

[@hd-xc2lz]

You Only Live Twice For the Price of One

[@bannjaxx]

Diamonds are For Never? The Spy Who Loved Free? Tomorrow Never Buys? OK I'll get my coat.......

[@BrianBattles]

01:34 Silhouetted dancer is Victoria Jackson, she trained in gymnastics in school and went to college on a gymnastics scholarship

[@dariabusek3566]

And you know that HOW?

[@BrianBattles]

@@dariabusek3566 I'm massively smart

[@TheUkulelegal]

All true!

[@t.b.g.504]

She also did gymnastics on the Weekend Update newsdesk as well as during her appearance at Canada's Just for Laughs...

[@danielrichards1567]

Jon Lovitz is a fantastic M, and we’ve been robbed of a Sting Bond villain in the series!

[@korosuke1788]

We got an evil Sting in Dune though.

[@CT68]

1:37 Is that Victoria Jackson dancing?

[@hudsonhawk0016]

Victoria Jackson always looked smokin.

[@brenyatta]

Goldsting: “Tonight Mr Bond’s drinks will be.. complimentary.” Bond’s inner thought: “Damn, should’ve stuck with the Martini!”

[@rires6661]

4:48, the guy in the background stole the show.

[@hipsnblues]

Hahahaha just noticed him, he did steal the show!

[@thevariousartists]

hahaha !!! you're absolutely right!

[@JustWasted3HoursHere]

Kind of looks like a young Peter Fonda!

[@heresjohnny999]

he's way too good for an extra lol

[@msblackpinkie6866]

Hahaha he did!

[@balasmj]

2:57 Bond orders that "brand" of beer 3:31 Bond coughs Coincidence? 😮😮😮

[@gboi3500]

CORONA!!!

[@littlejoe9381]

Noooo! Get the toilet paper!

[@MsZoedog66]

@@littlejoe9381 Toilet paper being the little known underground cure

[@ahmarsaeed6085]

Steve Martin looks the same since the 80s!

[@mrmoralman1]

Ahmar Saeed shame the quality of his comedy didn't stay the same ;-)

[@branimirsmrekar3561]

His material is the same since then!

[@timothyharris6927]

He looks the same since the 70s!

[@airport862]

The outside picture of the train is of BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit). It is in the San Francisco area. The tracks are 3,000 miles away from Florida. It also does not have cabins.

[@kittyprydekissme]

'That's because mine's English.' Best line in the whole sketch.

[@Logan_Baron]

Funny. Interestingly in the books Bond, though not a miser, did live rather simply when not on a mission. This was primarily an influence of the fact that during the time the UK was rationing.

[@tamaraschmeling7361]

That rabbit is the one from Monty Python and the Holly Trail. So evil🤤

[@jacktrppr1]

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

[@granthurlburt4062]

Also pronounced "Holy Grail". Unless you're making a joke.

[@QuantumBraced]

The shaken beer got me.

[@edp3202]

the writers of this era on SNL. incredible.

[@jaxflfreebird]

Jon Lovitz, Nora Dunn, Steve Martin, Sting. I am here to remember Jan Hooks, 007's date. Jan Hooks has left this world like many other SNL cast members: Belushi, Hartman, Radner, Farley, etc.

[@crashburn3292]

Let's not forget Chevy Chase's career died again. RIP (But yeah, Jan was great)

[@giri.goyo_yt]

I miss the days when BART had luxury wood panelled cabins. Love this gag.

[@danieljuncos244]

Only Murders In The Building brought me here.

[@shadowfilm7980]

Loved this! Never seen before. Funny. Sting did a great job too. Loved the white rabbit! 😂😂😂

[@I007naruto]

It seems with the old SNL'S, the writing was more like a comedy SCRIPT but eventually the writing became more like a comedy SKETCH. Not that there's anything wrong with either, just noticing

[@RollOnToVictory]

I007naruto yes, this was back before a majority if the sketches were a single joke told over and over.

[@jamespicklehead5610]

RollOnToVictory Exactly. That's when snl sucks. Set up the joke. Repeat.

[@macmacreynolds8712]

This was in 1987. I like to think of the years 1986-90 in SNL history as the Golden Age of Acting, with Jan Hooks, Phil Hartman, and Jon Lovitz in particular often doing a good job at serious acting as well as being funny.

[@lunsj]

Good points but I think nowadays comedy is just much more "punchy" than it used to be. Now it seems like there has to be a joke every five seconds. Even, as others pointed out, if SNL does the same joke over and over again. Oh and Jan Hooks was a fox.

[@cahaldoherty2444]

I007naruto apt observation indeed

[@The_Rage_Kage]

The funniest part about this is how it's actually kinda accurate to how Bond spends when not on a mission.

[@michaellinner7772]

You do realize that James Bond is a fictional character right?

[@The_Rage_Kage]

@@michaellinner7772 Yeah. And your point is what exactly?

[@imback3200]

Martin, Steve Martin

[@donberry7657]

I watched a repeat of an old Star Trek Deep Space 9 recently. The Doctor on a holodeck playing a double O agent. He introduces his female colleague as Mona Lovesitt... You gotta admit, that's funny.

[@user-dm6jy5jr9o]

In the days when the word "sybaritic" would be used in an SNL sketch

[@momosupremacy8349]

Rachel Walke this makes momo hot! Say it again and use it in a sentence 😮

[@neohumanist8181]

@@momosupremacy8349 How about this: Our culture has become so sybaritic that it has forgotten vast troves of words, including "sybaritic" itself.

[@herbderbler1585]

So what you're saying is that our culture has f@#%ed itself stupid.

[@PaulTheSkeptic]

It's a perfectly cromulent word.

[@Daniel-Weaver]

The Simpsons

[@adrock2895]

Much respect to Phil Hartman and Jan hooks rest in peace

[@averybrown7910]

Basically Archer

[@1000YearBeard]

Victoria Jackson makes my beard tingle.

[@tolkienfan4815]

"bullet's aren't cheap" The joker disagrees.

[@tylsimys67]

I remember this one! Still one of the best 007's.

[@stephenchase2537]

This "James Bond 007 Parody" is earning almost 1,500,000 views!!!!!

[@darrenrooftop8328]

I love how bond is so much less charming without money lol

[@PungiFungi]

Most men are….😛

[@theolamp5312]

Never underestimate Sting, Steve Martin, or James Bond.

[@hedwigndokosho2812]

Sting looking fine as hell...

[@hagiospneuma23]

2:16 3:53 5:11 6:07 Jan Hooks ----- so funny (not to mention hot).... MISS HER!!

[@mikelabomusic7782]

My favorite SNL cast.

[@veepeetee]

I love the BART Train guest appearance. Bay area represented

[@kevinmoore4887]

Keeping the cheap theme. Inexpensive train. Free BART footage.

[@Briansgate]

Jan Hooks was such a hottie back then!

[@mrsnoopyaaaaa]

she was ugly

[@taydrabrookshire347]

Steve was hotter

[@Piaseczno1]

I agree with you, Briansgate. Jan Hooks was superb. May her soul rest in peace.

[@kinsmed]

"Was..."?

[@KimberlyBurgess]

@@kinsmed She passed away years ago. RIP Jan. I love you still.

[@random-potato9803]

4:50 omg look at the extra in the background

[@stephenlutz835]

Man when an SNL skit bombed, it BOMBED.

[@WALTERBROADDUS]

Disagree.... It's a good sketch. And Almost the inspiration for "Archer."

[@chipnorthup5354]

SNL's Golden Era.

[@lokisgodhi]

More like the silver era. The original cast was the olden era.

[@keyalpha1]

I see Victoria Jackson is as lovely as ever.

[@Apollostowel]

What with Sting being the bad guy, Only Murders in the Building has brought me here.

[@rickb1973]

Lovitz used the word "sybaritic".....nice one.

[@HybridChoky]

I totally want that rabbit...

[@JiFan]

+HybridChoky Its legs were moving independently too, did you see?? :D Hahaa

[@crashburn3292]

$4.25 for a martini. Yep, this was 25 years ago at least. - Anyone else notice that neither Martin nor Sting (with an eye patch) shamelessly stared at the cue cards? It's almost like they memorized their lines or something....

[@romanusdolor5783]

They change the cards way more frequently, check out the behind the scenes, it’s got super crazy lately

[@davidconjefferson]

Complimentary pretzels *darling?* 05:25 Hahaha classic

[@dirkdiggler8959]

That bunny he was petting was hikarious

[@focusedmessagemarketing958]

Victoria Jackson dancing in silhouette.

[@TacShooter]

The actress playing Victoria was super cute. I saw her in a few things over the years.

[@RichV20]

You mean Victoria Jackson?

[@teodorosilvaiii3697]

Sting would be the quintessential 80s Bond villain!

[@johncostello6043]

With today being Sting's birthday, and Daniel Craig hosting SNL tonight, was in the mood to see this again. Thank you for sharing this.

[@blueribenaberry]

Anyone else have a crush on Steve Martin? No? Just me? Aaaaalrighty then...

[@taydrabrookshire347]

Not just you

[@Moonfire121]

Honey you are not alone!

[@momosupremacy8349]

blueribenaberry he's sexy as hell in the jerk

[@angelbobo29]

there is nothing sexy about martin.

[@rosemarywilliams9969]

😂l use to.

[@antoniodragonheart8965]

Goldsting :)

[@Briguy1027]

Jan Hooks looks really good :)

[@RichardX1]

I remember an article in either Mad or Cracked (when the latter was still a magazine) based on the same concept.

[@shadegreen5351]

i used to love cracked mazagine. #sylvesterpsmythe2020