3 Things: Risks of being a SAHM, Comments on 🍑 Work, a Man-Child Destroyed Something Beloved

[@michelledavidson1781]

Men don't joke. They tell you everything they want to say and gaslight you by saying "it's just a joke". Make your own money and walk.

[@marcilynn2943]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Exactly

[@get_aclue4218]

Exactly

[@Angel-od1bt]

Yep, that’s why they’re so defensive when they make awful jokes about SA, etc., when we know they’re just showing us who they truly are.

[@sexytrinny52]

No LIES DETECTED

[@claudettedawes6703]

this lady better start saving and have a plan b when he "suddenly" switches up and starts controlling her every move. Woman wake up

[@ss-ds2dn]

Gotta have a plan b going into it cuz it's harder to make one after he's started being more controlling

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

I Agree 💯. He is definitely the type to leave her with nothing

[@rainbeauxunicorn5237]

He ruins her terrarium (her hobby) and “she needs to be more appreciative of his intention…” She cancels the anniversary trip (his hobby) but “she is being petty and ruining their marriage…” Anyone else sees the BS?

[@lolafairchild88]

I'm confused as to why she'd empty her savings AND quit working before she even technically became a SAHM. His "jokes" are definitely a sign of what's to come, but I don't understand why she quit making her own money altogether.

[@Callimo]

That love fog is so so powerful. Too many humans make these real dumb moves because they're *convinced* nothing bad will happen to them 👀

[@Lifeishard237]

Some women are really naive and think their husband will be the exception to the rule. I’ve never seen one SAHM situation that was healthy. Financial abuse is almost a given!

[@moreni2nd405]

Its never a joke, its never unintentional.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

males mean what they say when there in control of the money

[@chorizoramen93]

Last guy did the same thing as the guy who dumped the plants, he was just able to make it look less deliberate due to circumstances. She should take the job and move without him. If she stays, she will regret it. Normalize leaving the first time a man shows his cruelty, it will never get better.

[@marcilynn2943]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@robynr3130]

@chorizoramen93 *"Normalize leaving the first time a man shows his cruelty, it will never get better."* ^^That part!!

[@thesecretshade]

Immediately thought about that guy too. There's no mistake that he waited until she was ABSENT to eff with the terrarium. Most likely because he was upset she left to do what she liked to do and visit her sister etc. It was INTENTIONAL

[@Niccy26]

She was defending him in the comments, saying she doesn't think he was malicious.

[@thesecretshade]

@@Niccy26 yeah that means she doesn't want to see the truth because she doesn't want to break up.

[@islandgirl8067]

He’s not joking, he’s serious. But he should realize that the house is community property even if he did pay for it alone. She needs to go back to work as soon as she can after the birth. I can see him taking her for granted & being controlling & financially abusive. The PPBros hate women, & are ashamed that they have to travel & pay for nookie. The husband in the 3rd story is gaslighting her because he knows what he did was wrong. He resents her traveling to advance her career.

[@RitaDozier]

Not necessarily, Since he purchased the house before they were married, and she has no income to invest in the house, which he did intentionally.

[@jaeshasway]

Depends on the state and if he bought it before they marred. He should’ve added her and intentionally didn’t. Seems like he knows the laws and wants to make sure he keeps the house if they split.

[@user-ly3li3ex8c]

She should only go back to work if she is working on divorcing him anyway, the young child's needs for a parent physically present to raise and breastfeed them should take priority.

[@TheRacqgrl769]

The plant wife needs to leave that baby and go ahead with that new job. She'll have time with her family and also be free of a child she didn't birth. The SAHM needs to stack her coin and get ready to exit ASAP. That male is going to take her through it, since he thinks that she'll be a captive audience. The males who are angry with SWs are the same incels who blame women for all their ills. I guess the funhouse mirrors they have prevent them from seeing that they are the problem. There's a saying that if a problem keeps persisting regardless of where you go, then YOU'RE the problem.

[@justliza4eva]

I was a SAHM when we bought our house. I asked my hubby if he wanted my name on the deed. Hubby looked like me like I had grown multiple heads. He then said: " Why would your name not be on everything? It belongs to you: every brick, color, room design, bathroom, is yours." Needless to say, I was floored. I appreciate him every day as he does me. It's her home, too.

[@beautyininsanity421]

This is how it should be. The only way.

[@hallievanoutryve3109]

Thanks for sharing! ❤it's easy to forget that not all men are like the bad eggs we discuss on this channel.

[@swvolleyball9137]

@@hallievanoutryve3109right! When my husband asked me why I listen to BB everyday, I told him to remind me of how much of a unicorn I married 😂😂😂

[@bluetickbeagles116]

Must be a non Christian marriage.

[@justliza4eva]

@bluetickbeagles116 Why do you think it isn't?

[@passionliving]

The wife with the terrarium sounds so familiar regarding the cruelty of men. You shared something similar about a Lady that had an expensive expresso machine that she owned prior to their relationship - that she absolutely loved and delighted in using. That husband gave it away to HIS friend, without her knowledge or consent, under the guise of buying a new one that didn't meet her needs and that she NEVER asked for. In this story, the husband KNEW how much she cherished the terrarium and clearly had NEVER taken any steps to "help" until she was physically away from the home. The irony was that in both stories - the husbands told their wives that they were "overreacting" and needed to be "appreciative." It certainly raises a concern that men insist that they be your ONLY source of joy - not your career, family, friends, children or any favorite past time. And yet later cheat because the life that they demanded has become too "boring."

[@chorizoramen93]

Same as the guy who dumped the girls plants in the lake, including the one from her great grandmother. He knew what he was doing. These dudes are pure evil

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

The path to hell is plastered with 'good intentions'. 🤷😄

[@passionliving]

@@chorizoramen93 Your comment reminds me of the multi-talented actress/singer whose "boyfriend" read her cherished childhood diary behind her back and destroyed it. Of course, she later ended the relationship because he was ALSO physically abusive. I can picture the Lady with her adorable baby boy but the name just escapes me at the moment.

[@zforcez9]

Omg yes I routinely have to think why are they this cruel and evil?!

[@annjohnson4061]

@@passionliving keke palmer.

[@Smw006]

If there is one thing I've learned from men its that if you love something other than them they'll make you pay for it.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

Exactly 💯

[@joylastname3035]

Some even hate it when that love is directed towards their shared children.

[@kittykatz4001]

Yep! They will harm (or worse) to your pet too.

[@TheGhostofAbigailMills]

The switch-up is already in progress in that first story. My heart sank when she said she was pregnant, because that's generally the final nail in the coffin for financially controlling/abusive dynamics like this. The way men talk about s-x work should absolutely concern civilian women because those ugly attitudes are applied to all women, not just s-x workers. And that last story really woke something evil in me, I'm so mad I can't even really comment. I hope she takes that job and leaves him, things are only going to get worse from here.

[@amberinthemist7912]

That last guy is a covert narc. It will never get better. He knows what he did. Why would THEIR anniversary trip include a TRAIN because HE likes them in the first place? Is she also in the relationship or is she just the work horse?

[@thepoliticalcat]

SHE organized the trip, and being the considerate person she is, planned it around a train trip because she knows he loves trains.

[@827honey1]

He is showing her exactly who he is and she better believe him. Stop falling for the Okey Doke. Be very careful of men who want sahw/sahm because it is the quickest way to get abused especially if you have no resources, education or family support to leave. The red flags are waving and of course it is while she is pregnant.

[@marcilynn2943]

Her friends are naive, he was NOT trying to be thoughtful; he destroyed it on purpose to punish her for going on a trip. They do this all the time. 🤷‍♀️

[@Blufftonbeatch4602]

Men have a lot fewer “accidents” and “forgetful incidents” than most people think. A lot of it is purposeful.

[@xletragedyx]

He did it the day she left so there would be less of a chance she could save it

[@erzabetf9544]

He purchased that house before the marriage, and it will remain his property - even in a community property state. If he’d bought it during the marriage, it wouldn’t matter that her name wasn’t on it. I’m willing to bet that he knew that and timed the purchase to ensure that it would always be his and not theirs. It’s so unfortunate that she’s about to have a baby, as he seems like he’s been planning to trap her for some time.

[@C-SD]

DARVO- deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender. Putting water in the tank was not an accident. If they lived together he knew better. Screw that. Consent is still necessary. Just like any business, sw do have the right to deny a customer service.

[@BurbNBougie]

Thank you for giving the words to DARVO bc I my mind went blank when I was making this

[@Christianmorgan12]

Marriage life is complicated, unsafe, unpredictable, exhausting, cause health problems 😢......list is Endless. As a women don think i want 2 get married anymore

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

l Agree💯

[@thepoliticalcat]

Do like Oprah. She's got a boyfriend, but she ain't marrying nobody. SHE and only SHE controls all her money, her businesses, her home, and she has a gorgeous boyfriend, but she ain't giving up her empire to NOBODY.

[@NobodyImporttant]

The guy in story 3 definitely did it on purpose. Him telling her that it’s not a big deal also shows how uncaring, inconsiderate and spiteful he is toward her. She should drop him and be with someone who cares about what she loves and cherishes. Those X tourists remind us once again that when certain males don’t get their way, they blame and bash women.

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

The first lady needs to save money and prepare to quietly leave then divorce. The switch up has happened and things will continue to get worse. That man has the power to starve her and any future children. Let him clean his own house by himself! The second lady needs to file for divorce he intentionally destroyed the plants. He’s jealous and insecure. Leave him to the prison of his own making. Men that pay SWs are they own problem the fact that they are paying for something like that in exchange for money says more about them than about Sws.

[@masumi1990x]

Story 1: Because of men like OP's husband feminism exists in the first place. Terrarium story: He didn't want to help her. He didn't want to take care of the plants properly, because he can't be bothered or he just wanted to punish her.

[@blkberrymolasses]

She said she barely has to maintain it therefore what he did want even necessary in the first place....he just wanted to destroy something she loved

[@swvolleyball9137]

He didn’t have to take care of the plants. They took care of themselves. He’d never offered to “help” with it before, but suddenly he over-helps when she’s gone? Nah, he did it on purpose because her joy for that terrarium was the icing on his bitter cake. She was making the money, she was traveling to decide if a move to a company that saw value in her was a good fit, he felt emasculated and she needed to be brought down a peg or two.

[@lolafairchild88]

In the 3rd story OP just needs to take the job and move without her sociopathic husband! Whether he's jealous of her plants or her mother's memory, it won't get any better, so she should get out before there's possibly kids involved!

[@shanicecoleman4525]

Yep had that of been a pet instead of a terrarium he would have killed it. She needs to leave him immediately.

[@Tauruses.Love.Luxury]

Soo sad for the lady with the terrarium! That man is evil and good at hiding it because normal people don’t behave that way. The pregnant lady is in for it as well. I hope she can get a good WFH job that will enable her to go if she ever needs to.

[@raynebow5289]

When my family was slowly transitioning out of the religious cult I was brought up in, we did a bit of church-hopping. There was this church that was visibly financially well-off compared to our old church, and my parents felt welcome, so we stayed for a few months. There was a fundraising booth next to the front door that encouraged patrons to donate to the church's annual mission to Thailand. I was around 11 at the time and pretty inquisitive, so I asked a missionary about what they did in Thailand. She told me that there were children there who were in sex trafficking rings because that was legal in the country, and described in detail how dangerous the children's pimps were and how the missionaries visited to "make them feel like children again" by playing with them and supplying coloring books and toys. Now that I'm an adult and acknowledge I was in a cult that housed and protected p*dos, I doubt those missionaries were traveling *all the way to Thailand* to make those poor kids "feel like children again".

[@manifest2203]

Sounds horrible 😱

[@Sofiaode18]

Shady asf. If the missionaries actually cared about kids they would have attempted to place the kids out of that situation. They were definitely doing some sex tourism.

[@bcottony]

Last story: If it was just a plant he would have left it alone and ignored it. The fact that it required no maintenance and he's still decided to sabotage it means that he can't even play that off as an accident.

[@shaypope4732]

His house his mess let him clean his house and cook his food and give his kid ur name but charge him a surrogate fee so you can move and live how u want

[@KayAnn2121]

Exactly, that baby is growing in her belly not his. She should correct him and say it’s her child not his if this is how he wants to play things.

[@marie-ange3965]

I had a self sustaining aquarium full of fish. It was a huge tank. I had fixed it up so that water chabges were only needed once a month. I went for a week long vacation with a girlfriend shortly after we married. I set it up so that he did not have to do anything with the tank. Automatic feeder and made sure that it worked right before I left. He did not have to touch it or do anything. I came back to a tank full of dead fish, dark green water, .... He said he didn't touch it. I didn't believe him one bit. I had that tank for YEARS and it was it's own little ecosystem for the same amount of time. Waterchanges weren't even needed except for one or two times in three or four months. I got an annulment about a month later. Deliberately sabotaging something I love is unacceptable. Of course, I also found out that he slept with my maid of honor two days before our wedding at around the same time.... So that's main reason for the annulment but I first thought about leaving him when I saw my dead tank. Because... He must hate me to have killed everything in that tank within five days.

[@efanden]

Anyone who corrects you when you say "ours" does not want to share. No "joke" should be distasteful. If you're not laughing or feeling some type of way, it's not a funny. It's not a joke. She better start planning an exit. I have started reading the book of Lundy Bancroft. I recommand it to everybody. As for the husband from the 3rd story... You don't do what you're not asked. Especially with something of such great value. It reminds me of the story with the guy who had a "black out" and threw the plants of his wife in a lake. Same vibe. He couldn't hurt her or complain about her wanting to earn more money so he hurt an object. He wants to make her feel bad while saying "It's not that deep, it's just a plant". But no. It is that deep. There too, they'll separate or it'll escalate.

[@zadarasimoleons1019]

A big ego is a huge red flag, and all of this shit she's complaining about stems from being fully blinded by ego

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

He will leave her with nothing

[@LaiLai..]

The first red flag was her name not being on anything. Idc if he is the provider and paid for the house alone. Protect yourself incase things change in the future. Also I don’t tolerate the “I’m just joking” thing . Manipulators will disguise how they truly feel as “jokes” . It’s passive aggressive behavior.

[@shanicecoleman4525]

In the first story he wants to be the one that buys everything and not have anyone else or herself purchase things so that he can exert total control over her. He wants her to have ownership over nothing and be totally at his mercy! His behavior will reveal itself to her once she starts to get her own independent income and when that baby arrives.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

"Ok, it is your house. You need to clean up, It looks sonewhat dirty." 😄

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

Right😹😹😹

[@SimplyHealthyWomb]

So his passion is trains, she goes out of her way to bring joy in his life caring for his interests; he drowns plants that don’t need watering cause he was helping and so thoughtful is he kept it a secret so as not to disturb her family time 😂😂😂😂 Ok so when is she leaving? She is the breadwinner and she is like oh I will not take the job if he isn’t ok with it? Like why would he be ok with it knowing all the joy she will have with family close by? As women we tend to be SLD - self love deficient. All you do is just look at it? My guy is unhinged.

[@Angetica]

Im glad ahe canceled that trip, i can tell that was intentionality done based on his "its just a plant" comment

[@Citizen_Cozy]

Terrarium man hates that woman. He knew she loved the terrarium, did that on purpose and he’s not sorry - just dismissive. “All you do is look at it anyway”. If it wasn’t intentional he’d at least be apologetic. Run.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

l Agree 💯

[@melchiorlise2466]

It's not even rational ! "All you do is look at is anyway". Yeah ! That's what you do with plants !

[@kittykatz4001]

They will harm your pets (or worse) too! 😢

[@MsCuteangel44]

Story 3 reminds me of the reddit story where the BF was destroying/discarding the OP's hobby items (shoes, journals, cooking stuff too I think) but at first made her think she was going crazy saying she "misplaced" them. He finally fessed up that he was the culprit and of course, blamed her for his evil ways

[@maryfields877]

This is why ladies, you purchase a home together. Your name should be on the deed. If you can’t do that, do not do it! My saving grace is we bought our home together and I live in community property state. I did the SAHM thing for 10 years, and went back to work full time when the kids were in school for longer days. Having that feeling of securing yourself is like no other. For a while, I felt like I was floating without a net to catch me, but it’s all good now.

[@brandy4530]

Yeah, no, the terrarium guy did it on purpose. This is super passive aggressive behavior. Men don’t go out their way to “help” with something like that. She got a great opportunity, and he is sitting over there stewing over how she gets everything. Instead of addressing his jealously, and dealing with it like an adult, he wrecks something important in a way that he thought could be totally deniable. She may have gotten this job and more money, but he was going to make sure she suffered a little bit too. People who are manipulative and passive aggressive like that, love to do stuff like this in a way where they can pretend they were trying to help or be nice, and they should be thanked. What they really want is to be able to hurt people, and then have that person thank them for it.

[@katherines144]

This comment nailed it. He wants to punish her and have his friends and family think he's a good guy. He did that shhh on purpose

[@arayaheaven6165]

Terrarium lady needs better friends. My girls couldn't tell me their husband did no sh** like that without me flipping. The fact that they're gaslighting her too is crazy.

[@pattibase2293]

First story. Her husband keeps saying he owns everything, I would bet he thinks he owns her too. I hate to think what will happen when the baby is born.

[@daysoftheboo]

Why doesn't anyone care about STDs?????

[@stephaniemartin9253]

Just got back from Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam 1/19/2024. Left on 12/31/23. It is disgusting. Signs in the hotels with numbers if you need help or to report s. E. X. trafficking. The consumers wm and bm could not give eye contact. When I tell you….The young male workers too. OMGGGG. I hoped the predators have an ending like Celie’s step- dad in the Color Purple. Then the OLD ones with young kids. Those ladies are sacrificing for generations. Building something that will last for their families. One resort worker asked TOO many questions about the young men in my group, barely 21…Sorry for the rant.

[@InimitableAde]

Oh how I WISH I knew how to send you things! On another YT channel I saw a post on a short from a woman who had a beloved quilt that she'd made with her late mother. Her husband washed it while she was away, and put it on their clothes line outside to dry. Thing is, he didn't even spread it out, just left it wadded up on the line for DAYS. When she returned home and was looking for the quilt to make the bed, she realized what her husband had done. When she took the quilt off the clothesline, parts of it were sun bleached and the parts that had been wadded up were moldy and mildewed. The wool backing had shrunk from being machine washed. She asked him why he had done that. His response? He wanted to help. Mind you, the man had never lifted so much as a finger to do chores before. When she asked him why he hadn't brought it in, he claimed he "forgot". She was so upset thinking she was the a-hole because he'd told her she was overreacting, being dramatic, and it was "just an old quilt anyway". Wrong, sir. It was a precious family heirloom and one of the last physical connections your wife had to her deceased mother. Shame on you. You would have been so proud of the sisterly solidarity and support shown to that woman on that post, although there were a few patriarchy apologists trying to assure her he probably meant well, waving away his weaponized incompetence and also assigning blame to her because why didn't she bring the quilt in herself? Doesn't she have a kitchen window? Why didn't she notice it was on the line _sooner_ ? There were also several men who genuinely couldn't see what all the fuss was about. He had _tried_ to do a thoughtful thing, it didn't go well, she should be grateful and just accept his apology already, and she could "always just buy another quilt." Ugh!

[@BurbNBougie]

[e-mail]

[@SODATAPP]

Divorce him ASAP.

[@InimitableAde]

@@BurbNBougie got it! Thanks!

[@InimitableAde]

@@SODATAPP on the thread women were telling her her husband doesn't like her. Reading her account it seemed very similar to the time that woman went viral for coming back to a wrecked house after being on vacation.

[@InimitableAde]

@@BurbNBougie sent! Thank you! That one was a doozy!

[@reachoneteachonedenmark815]

He is punishing her for daring to be more successful than him .

[@brandy4530]

She needs to find some security, and demand that her name gets put on the house. She is in a dangerous situation. She should first go to a divorce lawyer and find out what her rights are. Here is another problem with being a SAHM. Some women have dreamed of being a SAHM, and feel like that is the best way to raise children. Being a working mom, or a single mom, is not an option for these types of women. When that’s the case, divorce feels like it isn’t an option, and she feels like she doesn’t have the option except to find a way to make it work. Years and years will pass, and she will have less and less. Getting back into the workforce will be harder and harder. She is basically giving away years of her life, and she will get nothing in return. This man will continue to make her feel like she is just a burden, and that she didn’t bring anything to the family, therefore doesn’t deserve anything. Women HAVE to make sure they are advocating for themselves and their future. Their name needs to be on every single asset, and they need full access to the money. She should always know what is going on with their money. If her husband was trustworthy, then he would have made sure she was secure. Instead, he is trying to hoard all the assets and resources for himself, because he doesn’t value her contribution. I suspect the two of them do not have the same values. He is another one of those men who is only having kids because she wants them, and not because he actually wants to be a father. She values being a SAHM, and he feel like he doesn’t get a real say. He also doesn’t think this marriage is for the long term. Any man who marks his territory like this is a blaring red flag. I have never seen a good father and husband ever make his wife feel like their home wasn’t 100% her’s. In fact, the jokes the men make are along the lines that he doesn’t make any decisions in the house, not that she is living there by his grace.

[@jip230]

I really wish we would educate people more about the suttle signs of abuse - like purposefully destroying personal items, gaslighting, and coercive control. These types of abuse are FAR more prevalent than physical abuse and are more difficult for people to recognize because they don't leave physical marks - but with time they leave psychological scars. We need to be educating kids in elementary schools about this junk and how to leave a partner if necessary (keeping savings, keeping plans secret, finding a way out, safe places, etc)

[@shantavanee]

Story 1! He is not joking… he is telling you the truth of how he really feels! Go back to work as soon as you can! This is not a stable environment for you! Story 3! RUN!!! You will lose a lot more if you stay! That was rotten! A grown child! Get out of there! There are very few house plants that new multiple cups of water let alone a terrarium! He knew what he was doing!🙌🏽😵🙌🏽

[@MelissaThompson432]

Terrarium Mom: if he ever had a desire to help, he would learn what a terrarium needs; he would ask before doing anything; and/or he would leave it alone. The fact that he did something else means he lied about his motive, unless he is intellectually challenged, which I am presuming is not the case. He already feels like a household servant. The idea of her widening the gap between (to him) his low status and her high status is too big a threat to him. He had to try to bring her back down to his level. He had to counterpunch to feel like he had some kind of power over her. PLUS: metaphorically speaking; Mommy went away and had fun without him, so he peed in her shoe closet to punish her. As it were.

[@swvolleyball9137]

You’re so right! I had sourdough bread starter going when I went into labor with my daughter. It turned into an emergency c-section and a couple of nights in the hospital. I thought it was weird that my husband asked me about what to do with the starter when he came to see me in the hospital. Now I see it was him worried about messing up something he thought was important to me. A terrarium is far more important. Why wasn’t he concerned about messing up such a delicate balance? He knew what he was doing. The fact that he’s lying about it tells me OP needs to serve him his freedom papers and move on. He’s biting the hand that feeds him and she needs to pull his card.

[@MelissaThompson432]

@@swvolleyball9137 yep.

[@manifest2203]

Story 1: it’s never, ever, ever a joke. A man who jokes about this now, definitely has these thoughts. Later on, when she is really trapped or when their life together hits the smallest level of difficulty, that is when he will explode with this same talking point. In most relationships, these signs are clearly seen in the start. Story 3: regarding the terrarium, it was definitely a deliberate sabotage. Many wom3n have discussed how their husbands deliberating destroyed the things which they loved and/or harmed the pets they truly loved. She needs to enter those discussions to understand the mal3 psyche better.

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

I agree on the third story. Nothing about this thing could make him believe she wanted him to water it. Also, if he had, he must have seen it rotting and tried to save it. But no. The day after she left too... Exactly the day for a tantrum. My husband killed my Basil once, by only watering it once a day and basically told me about it the moment I got home, looking like a guilty puppy and telling me he found a nursery that sells exactly that kind of basil. He didn't say, eh, it's just herbs, get on with it.

[@HannaBenana]

The terrarium thing, you think they'd be chill if we killed something they loved that they "just looked at"? Why do people just expect you to move on after being so disrespected. The fool didn't even try to make it up to her anyway. Oh, you wanted to do a nice thing? Well i wanted a reasonable partner who doesn't mess my crap up. The road to hell is paved in good intentions, you just added a stepping stone my dude.

[@ladyjpolite]

If it was an accident, why didnt he call her and asked for help when it started dying. He sat there for over a week watching one of her most loved possessions dying day by day. But it was an accident and he was trying to help her 🤔. Not. It wass wholly purposeful and that's how he really feels about her.

[@RaqueLauren]

😂 I'd start saying "my kids" cuz they only came out of "my" body. Leave him sis. He's selfish. Let him sit alone in "his" house.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

16:03 What's with men ruining family heirlooms?! I feel so sorry for the woman. Impact over intent. Doesn't matter how much he "wanted to help," he destroyed something precious.

[@summersalix]

First story reminds me of my situation. We rented a house (that i found and my name was jointly on the lease) and the landlord wanted to sell. We were already married for 2. 5 yrs by then. I immigrate to my husband's country and am disabled and get disability paychecks. Anyways, He refused to put my name on the house and then got physical w me 2 wks before the closing when I tried to express my desire to be included on the house paperwork one last time (while I was having a medical emergency, so great timing on his part). He recently changed the internet company without telling me, which was the only thing my name was on and now I have nothing w my name on it

[@karmareal4548]

As I was watching this video,I google to see what type of plant this was. Everything on Google exactly what she explained in her post. If he supposedly didn't want to bother her on her trip and wanted to do something nice for her he could have easily google the maintenance for the plant it just like I did. He destroyed her plant on purpose! Few cups of water My A*s🤬

[@Citizen_Cozy]

He doesn’t love her. Control is one thing, but he never seems to miss an opportunity to make her feel small …”no. This is MY house”. What in the Gabrielle Union is this. This lady …that he married…is carrying his baby and he still wants there to be these mechanisms in place to keep division. This would scare me into plotting my escape.

[@shaypope4732]

If he wanted to be thoughtful he would have asked how to properly take care of it i feel like it was destroyed because it had nothing to do with him and he really wanted to destroy her but couldn't so he went after her stuff instead

[@lunap007]

He did it on purpose. If my husband had plants that I never took the responsibility to water and he went out of town for a few days, I’d have enough sense to ask him if I need to take care of the plants while he’s gone and how often they need to be watered.

[@Blufftonbeatch4602]

Men do not joke with women. All statements mean something, even if they are dressed up as a joke.

[@DaPhlyymamee]

That was an interesting take on SWs. That makes perfect sense that they resent them because they NEED them! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@get_aclue4218]

Get you a side hustle and stack stack stack. In the end you will be glad you did. He’s gonna flash when the baby comes. All of us women who have been in similar situations as you find yourself in right now are NOT LYING. Take time and build community with other women who have children similar age as yours and are “looking for similar support as you are currently in need of”. Building a community outside of him is VITAL to your survival of what is to come. These suggestions are not me “joking “ with you. I’m being real. Please do take care and I pray you have safe delivery.

[@tlrcarroll]

Touching her terrarium without her consent or instructions was a deliberate violation. If she had ever wanted him to do anything to the terrarium she would’ve specifically asked him. He knew that he was interfering negatively on purpose and didn’t “forget”.

[@catchingamuse3857]

My SW friends actually really do invest wisely. They have spreadsheets and analysis on what earned the most money on a single quarter/month. They are super aware that they have to diversify their income for later. I have a corporate job, but we all discuss investing strategies from time to time. This is the kind of conversation that these red pillers don't think happen. 😂

[@amstarla]

I think the wife should buy a house & take all her furniture and decor over there & tell him he can visit her there 2 days a week when her schedule allows

[@vonnii1013]

Every day I am getting sick of men

[@Princetonian4eva]

WHY do women have kids with men like the one in Story 1?! Tell him you’re only having kids when it’s “OUR house” and you have an income of your own that is enough to take care of yourself and any children should things come to it. I know every one has choice but these horror stories really make me think that unless the woman has 6 figures in the bank (in her name only), a strong support network and an exit plan (or 3), she should NOT be a SAHM.

[@bcottony]

#1 He's enjoying the inequality. Of course he doesn't want you to get a job. This will be the only time in his life where he gets to lord it over you and he's not going to be willing to give that up. You can only joke about something so many times before it's no longer a joke and it's your quiet thoughts out loud

[@monicasalyer8875]

On point and well said!

[@tylerlykins6721]

Wow. Powerful stories. I really want you to know how much I appreciate you covering stories of men destroying plants, terrariums, etc as many are aware of how abusive men can be either directly emotionally or physically, but not many are aware of the purposeful destruction of things that are sentimental in value and living, like plants, terrariums, and pets. This is serious behavior, and indicative of much worse behavior later on if left unchecked. Thanks burb for another great vid and storytime ❤️💚💙

[@kated3165]

''A few cups''?? A few cups could never drown a healthy, self-sustaining, planted terrarium even if it was a small 10g size. Several liters would not drown a medium sized one even if it didn't have a draining layer. He probably put the hose in it!

[@swvolleyball9137]

That’s what I was thinking. He did more than a couple of cups of damage.

[@vanaphill2454]

If its his house, she is a guest. Guests dont cook or clean. He'll stop saying that when the services stop.

[@jaeshasway]

15:00 This was just sad. He intentionally destroyed something that was important to her then tried to gaslight her over it.

[@SakuraMoonflower]

16:39 He cheated on her while she was away. That's why he destroyed something precious to her on PURPOSE, didn't tell her about it because HE KNOWS HE DID IT ON PURPOSE, AND HE'S MAD he's facing the consequences of his actions instead of getting away with it. That's why he's projecting by saying she's trying to "destroy their marriage." Because he's the one who is deliberately sabotaging their marriage. I hope she leaves him immediately.😅

[@kimleemoon]

He is not joking when he says “His house”. That is how he truly feels. Because what loving husband would say that to his wife. I mean one of my ex-bf wanted to add me onto the deed for a home he purchased alone. Why can’t her husband do the same? I think she needs to find a work from home job or start a side hustle so she can save some coins. Otherwise the financial abuse will start once the baby is born & she’s trapped.

[@atmac8459]

HIS house aye? He doesn’t respect her and SHE needs to be prepared to make a decision. And she’s already backtracking saying she doesn’t want to paint him as an A-HOLE (but he is!!!!) Destroying your plant?! He did it because he doesn’t respect you. She too has a decision to make. Good luck to them both

[@leotheindigomergoddess9304]

Containing to the first story, whatever happened to the days where if a woman 👩🏽 was married or in a relationship with her partner she also had her own money 💰 stash on the side. Our grandma’s are mothers and aunties. These are women from back in the day that were wind and dined, by their men, but they always had some kind of money 💰 on the side. It seems like this particular woman and many other women of today are just getting in relationships just to say that they have a man my man, my man, my man with no financial support towards the woman and see what I don’t like about a lot of us here in America a.k.a. this particular community is that we don’t check the man’s finances before marrying him in other countries before a woman can even get married her father and mother and family sit down with a life coach and lawyer to go into the database to make sure that man has what he says he has. I think we should take notes 📝 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[@thesecretshade]

I swear, so many stories of as soon as a woman gets pregnant, she gets cheated on and he gets abusive in some way. Sisters, don't ever give up your financial independence. Dont make the same mistake as i did. I still pay for it to this day.

[@jaeshasway]

1:10 Just because it was his savings on the down payment for the house, he doesn’t add his wife who he had already been living with to the deed? His pregnant wife at that. Make it make sense. Oh yeah, these men just can’t.

[@Anne-pk8gs]

The truth is ALWAYS told in a joke. She needs to demand her name is put on the deed or the house gets sold & a new house purchased in both names. If he balks, sayonara. He wants her to be a SAHM so he owns & controls everything… money, food, shelter, clothing, transportation & the child. She needs her own place, a remote job & child support.

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

On the first story: never become a SAHM without leverage. You need a financial backup, your own investments or property and some place that generates income, even if it is small. Always keep in touch with a seperate group of friends and family. Don't become too passive and predictable, speak up and firmly keep your standards high, even when married. Men slip and slide when they are married and think they have you trapped, and now you will have to bear with their murky behaviours. If you wouldn't have accepted it as a girlfriend, don't accept it as a wife. Being able to walk anytime keeps them on their toes, they will know it is a privilege to be with you, not a necessity.

[@ButterflyBree]

I despise anyone who passive aggressively hides their dislike of someone behind so called jokes and pranks. Especially when they're told they are hustling others' feelings. I hope the woman in the first story remains safe and is able to start earning funds to give herself and the baby more stability.

[@DaPhlyymamee]

These XYs destroying plants are triggering! I was so mad about the other one with the Great Grandma's Ivy!!! I SAW RED like it was mine! 😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😤😤😤 As a child of a Father with a "green thumb", I know how much time, love, and care it takes to grow flourishing plants. I used to wonder when I was little why my Father never accepted the monetary offers for some of his plants. I've seen a plant that came home in a milk carton from Elementary School flourish into a wondrous thing DECADES later!!! Whew! I would probably catch a case. Especially, the fact that it's connected to a deceased family member, too! Lawd!!!

[@Karina_Engr]

B&B you hit the nail on the head with the tantrum. 😢

[@tashibalampkin8555]

The first story makes me feel for the wife. The classic "bait and switch." The husband acts all supportive about her being a housewife yet he acts so superior.

[@tricitymorte1]

If my husband and I had wanted kids but ue was treating me like shit as a SAHW and expected me to be a SAHM, I would have gotten an IUD and not granted him children until he stopped treating me that way. And if he didn't stop, akd kept on about how it's "his house," I would pack up my stuff and bounce, mailing him divorce papers. No kids.

[@ToniDaniels1275]

Get yo zzz to work sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quick!!!! To much power nooooo

[@JenniferBoyatt]

Here's the thing (first story). Women think that immature and selfish men respond and improve from talking through things ("communication"). They don't. She thinks she is going to find balance, harmony, and improvement through 'telling him how she feels' as if he just didn't get the memo and will respond to being pointed out things (like: 'please don't say that'). She doesn't understand yet that all she has to look forward to is deterioration of the situation. It. will. get. worse. not. better. She doesn't realize that she has already been decentered by him. And the only person who can center herself is herself.

[@sprixpurl3034]

The last story pissed me off so bad. I hope she leaves him. He is a worthless piece of crap.

[@raptoress6131]

Can't kick someone out of "our house"

[@annnikat]

I'm so sick of the whole 'he was just being thoughtful' thing. Being thoughtful involves some level of actually knowing what the f*** you're doing.

[@parklady4233]

Burb, you don’t know who you are with until they unmask! There is no way to know. Best, to keep your job, do what you want (no compromise), have only as many kids that YOU alone can raise. I was a stay-at home for 15 yrs. Husband unmasked his narcissism and some other stuff and relationship was over. I had to go live with my mom. Now, I am single mother about to get divorced. I never thought my husband would do this to me or us! Complete surprise. I trusted because I am the kind of person that if I can’t trust you, there is no point in being in a relationship. He knew that and always said he would never do this and that. He did it all at the end. I should have just lived my life. Got IVF, and been a single mom and lived and did what I wanted to do with MY life. All I did was compromise for that man. I thought what I was doing was the right thing. It wasn’t.

[@lacheregriffin-denton9946]

For the last dude, I think what he did was intentional. That was the first thought that came in my head before that was even brought up because if she's had it for 15 years then I know over that 15-year period of time even if he wasn't with her that whole 15 years that he sees how she handles that terranium there is no reason for him to have touched it except for the fact that he was upset. The fact that she said eight days away even though it was supposed to be for a job interview and to visit her family. He was going to make her pay for that.

[@t.f.6297]

When he jokes about its "his house", she should laugh and say "thats funny cause when I spoke to a lawyer about our assets he said the state recognizes it as our house" 😂

[@joylastname3035]

I don't think the man in the first story is joking. He's just using "joke" to throw her off his scent, but i believe that's his (not so) subtle way of reminding her of her place. If i made a joke and the person i directed it at (it doesn't even have to be a SO) said my joke hurt them, I'd not only apologize, I'd never repeat that joke anymore. He repeats it over and over even after she told him? Yeah, he means that xhit.

[@J0knows]

Story 1 She needs to get ready to leave now he will escalate she needs to serve him divorce papers after she gives birth ask for child support move in with her parents and look for work 3 months after she has the baby or go to school and make sure she has her security system for her parent's house, her car, and the child.

[@Egress00]

Do your dishes, let him do his Cook your own food, let him cook his I'd even say go as far as making your own side of the bed Become a ghost in that house

[@therealsbh]

My BF just bought a house. We dont live together yet, but weve had the exact conversation about it being OUR home. I've let him know that if im going to move in it needs to be safe for me. Luckily his response has been the opposite of the reddit story😢

[@kellycowley3535]

For the first story the woman needs to think about her child in this instance, if he does the 'it's my house' to her he will do it to the child. Do you want your child to be stuck without a place they can call home because 'it's not her home, it's his house'? Do you want them to feel like they have to be grateful that their father is 'kind enough' to not kick her out onto the street? If you don't leave for our own sake please at least think about doing it for the child. Second story I don't know who she is but I respect the sex worker. She's willing to risk losing business to stick to her morals and (even if you disagree with sex work in general) that's commendable. Also the 'we don't care what they think unless it's to do with sex' is stupid. She's not giving them sex due to what she thinks so her thoughts affect the sex. Even with their 'logic' they still have to care because her thoughts are about sex (and about not giving it to predators). For the third story, yeah it clearly wasn't an accident. If it was an accident he would feel sorry about it, not downplaying it. Hopefully as what he did in the story dawns on her (or he shows more red flags) she will get out of there. She's in a good place to leave though, breadwinner, sister far away, lots of friends.

[@parklady4233]

These men’s ego make them do mean things unconsciously. They really convince themselves that they are doing nice things.

[@juniemz1]

oh hell nah, she better get back to work as soon as she can when the baby is older. She should lean on her family a little more for help with her baby. And if they want to help she should just take it privately and not tell him. Sorry she's in this situation.