4 Things: An Update on the Soup Lady, Copendent Relationship, Angry Wife, & Tired Mom

[@BurbNBougie]

If you don't know about the lady with the soup. kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZbHXp55rrmHfNU

[@IndomitableAde]

This whole situation has quickly escalated from scary to downright dangerous.

[@peacefreedom4930]

As I listened to this it occurred to me how ridiculous the system is. Women and children running like fugitives trying to survive because the judicial system isn’t taking domestic abuse seriously. It’s outrageous. They protect the rights of the abuser.

[@beepbopboop7727]

The fact that its a misdemeanour until he offends *three times* and that stealing from Walmart will get you more time than actual violence.

[@vanaphill2454]

The abusers have more rights than the victims.

[@GardensFlowers-f7k]

👏👏👏

[@Ninsidhe]

And the fact that his _mother_ is just going to keep bailing his butt out so that he can keep on offending- those male centred mothers should be held just as accountable as these violent abusers.

[@vrichards4363]

I remember watching a movie a long time ago called the burning bed (I think) it's from the 80s. Haven't seen it in a long time.

[@bcottony]

#2 If you replace " wants to be included" with " demands to be centered and validated" You get a much more accurate idea of his issue.

[@Jac527]

This!! He is giving off covert narcissistic vibes. He is using her so that he can get the attention. 🤢

[@thesecretshade]

He was NOT sick. She texted him how tired she was so he pretended to be sick so she wouldn't ask him to help. Disgusting behavior. If he actually felt sick he wouldnt be gaming but lay in bed!

[@heidiweidmann2926]

This! Omg thank you!!! My husband (seasonal worker) has been sitting in his butt for weeks because he has a simple yeast or bacteria infection that is just too much for him despite antibiotics and pain meds. Yet he can stay up all night long gaming……. 🤷‍♀️

[@Golden-Lady]

That last story: maaaan. This is why opting out has become so popular: we've hear more stories about women being worn ragged with no help because they didn't know they married king baby. My sympathies to that woman.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Exactly

[@jayogee913]

Women need to just assume EVERY man is a king baby until he proves otherwise. Which is exactly why you don't have kids with, marry, or sometimes even have sex with a man you're seeing for a looooooong time. Let them wait and prove themselves worthwhile. I know some can play the long con and be fake for a while, but many cannot do it, and they at least get weeded out.

[@bcottony]

#3 I got married twice after 30. They want you to give up and give in. They need you to settle for a tolerable level of unhappiness. He knew that if he was up front about what he wanted you would have had the option of leaving he deliberately took that away from you, and you need to see it as the insult it was.

[@MC-gl8ob]

Preach

[@MelissaThompson432]

#2 is not codependent. He's manipulative. She's an easy target and he's scamming her.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

Yeah, she is clearly the codependent one. Extremely so.

[@malindaallen718]

Could be a better take on him. SHE'S the codependent

[@LilMissDivisive]

The man in story number two sounds like a covert/vulnerable narcissist. It’s not normal or healthy to feel you have to be centered in every conversation like that. Feels like he’s passive aggressively trying to isolate her.

[@DanielleSamoneJohnson77]

THIS! Yes! I know how sweet she seems and how vulnerable he tries to come across, but that reality is anything except such. For her friends to try holding a conversation with her while she cannot respond without constantly roping in another clueless person is exhausting. This will eventually isolate her entirely because no one else will want to have a conversation with her and the person they have to slow down to awkwardly include. I'm pretty sure he's perfectly aware of that outcome too. His supposed feelings that she's trying to account for mean, according to his rules, that she would become obligated to inform or include him in EVERY SINGLE conversation she has. So he gets to keep tabs on who she talks to and what is being said to her at all times.This is simply manipulation disguised as "poor, poor, broken me; please fix me." This one will only grow increasingly clingy and overbearing until it erupts into aggressive and controlling. Sad part is that she's so focused on appearing perfectly kind, that she seems perfectly poised to fall right into this trap. It takes one to know one. I feel for this mess for over a decade. From here forward, anyone else needs to account for their own issues. I am not responsible for anyone other than my own soul. Necessary and True!

[@mimi42428]

Bingo and they are the worst. He will turn on her when he sees that she's human, not his mommy or daddy and won't and can't give him the unconditional love his parents failed to give him. He will abuse her and devalue here very soon and it will be abusive. The lady needs to get out and work on herself further . She's still got wounds that she needs to heal as she is willing to accept this behaviour from a grown man

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

Spot on !!!!!

[@seabreeze4559]

using shame to isolate yes

[@seabreeze4559]

poisoning the well @@DanielleSamoneJohnson77

[@TheReader19]

In the UK,they have now decided in 2024 to introduce a law to give DV victims "run" money so they can get away from a partner 😢

[@paulaw418]

That would NEVER HAPPEN here in the USA. We can't even get maternity leave, decent affordable healthcare or affordable childcare. We have politicians who want to ban birth control, eliminate no fault divorce. They clearly WANT to keep women trapped with their abusers. Especially when "in the bonds of holy matrimony."🤦‍♀️

[@kgs2280]

What a great law! But, of course, it will be another 50 to 100 years before the U.S. would consider doing something like this. Hell, they just finally decided that men who have been arrested for or convicted of domestic abuse don’t have the right to own a gun, and it was a big fight just to get that……in a country where 800 to 1,000 women get murdered by their domestic partners every year, many of them by guns. I guess because American men love their guns more than they love their women. /s, then again, maybe not sarcasm.

[@juliuswilliams1438]

That man should not be in a relationship and should be in therapy. He’s not a grown adjusted adult and nothing you do will adjust them. Drop him.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

Unfortunately, a lot of males are living their second childhood in an adult body.

[@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7]

..too many are this way presenting themselves as mature and whole.

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

@@VeeKayGreenerGrassnot living their second childhood 😂 it’s so true !!

[@seabreeze4559]

vulnerable narcissism, textbook

[@lindsay6518]

The lady in story 2 is NOT healed. No one healthy would want that relationship.

[@thesecretshade]

Was about to comment the same. She's not healed

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

Right

[@constancep7632]

FR

[@MelissaThompson432]

I know exactly what "sick" husband is "sick" with. He got "sick" the minute he got the text that he needed to be an adult for one day....

[@IndomitableAde]

If that 30 year old would leave the dead weight husband behind, she'd realize her best years are still ahead of her. She can still have children if she wants. I had my first and only at 32.

[@t.78d]

I agree, some women are so stupid thinking their lives end at 30 🙄

[@t.78d]

I agree, some women are so stup1d, thinking their lives e.n.d at 30 🙄

[@t.78d]

I agree, some women had fallen in the red pill ideology thinking their lives are over at 30 🙄

[@IndomitableAde]

@@t.78d right! Only children think 30 is old. Adults know better 😉.

[@t.78d]

@@IndomitableAde exactly 👏

[@TKOin2life]

I wish there was domestic violence insurance.

[@MayaMaya-tj7kw]

Me too

[@EmyN]

Don’t know if it would work, nobody thinks they are entering or possibly entering an abusive relationship

[@Ninsidhe]

@@EmyN Hence ‘insurance’- nobody knows if they’re going to get into an accident, or their house will burn down, or one of them will die in a car accident but it _might_ happen and that’s the whole point of insurance. I wonder how men would react if they knew their partners were well insured against male buffoonery and violence, like that clown recently having a meltdown because of his partner’s getaway bag.

[@TheDiaryofaRhubarbie]

Yes this is a wonderful idea. In our case it would be those piggy banks and secret bank accounts.

[@EmyN]

@@Ninsidhe I don’t think is the same, people accept the possibility of their house burning and getting into an accident, while to accept the possibility of abuse it’s like, why get into the relationship in the first place? The nature of relationships require love and trust and respect, so I think it would seem counterintuitive to women

[@cherryh7963]

If you never nursed a baby. Do not comment. I nursed my son for the first year at 23 years old bc I was committed to his well-being. His father would literally try to nurse from my breast next to him. Trust me, he's jealous of the baby.

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Wow he is seriously immature as well as jealous.

[@Veracityseeker7]

The codependent guy is not healthy enough to be in a relationship. Dump him, and lovingly recommend that he goes to therapy and take some time by himself. That's incredibly draining and I could never.

[@videofan1010]

He wants to end her unfortunately. People are really scared for her safety.

[@IntellectuallyKurious]

I'm scared for her safety fr...POs orders anger dv abusers even more and really do nothing to protect the victims. They don't stop until their victims are in body bags

[@lrjones02]

He is jealous of the amount of time she is giving the baby. Sad to say but he is jealous of his own child smdh.

[@ButterflyBree]

He's a coward!! I hope that bastard is thrown under the jail. I pray that she and her daughter can remain safe. It definitely seems like he has a tracking device on her vehicle. 😞😞

[@msthang5366]

That story always sent chills up my spine. How diabolical..🤦🏿‍♀️

[@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7]

..he put the tracker inside the seam of her cat carrier...freaking weirdo

[@malindaallen718]

Yes, again. Easy to do if her car is ever parked outside.

[@IndomitableAde]

2nd story sounds like the man wants that woman to have his big ol self on her mind 24/7, thinking about his needs desires and insecurities. Ain't nobody got the time energy or headspace for that.

[@seabreeze4559]

he isn't codependent, he's controlling, it's vulnerable narcissism

[@jayogee913]

Perfectly stated, and that's exactly what I'd tell him. Women need to call these controlling men out! They wither once they realize their game is exposed. My bf used to try to control me with his bad moodiness, and when I finally told him to either get happy or fake it around me or I'm gone, amazingly his moods improved!

[@CulinaryGuide]

Sounds like he's controlling her through his emotions. Does she even get any pleasure or joy out of this relationship? It's not happy or fun when you have to babysit another persons feelings? It restricts your enjoyment and prevents you from living in the moment.

[@IntellectuallyKurious]

#1 leaving an abuser is so scary. I hope she is able to stay safe bc most dont stop until you're in a bodybag. #2 that man is an emotional abuser and sounds like a nightmare to be around. Her friend group is probably sick of him as well bc ppl can feel when you're trying to relate to a situation that youve never experienced. He's gonna drain and suck the life out of her. #3 there is a lot of life to live after 30. All is not lost. I had my girls at 31 and 36. I wonder if he even likes his wife. The atrocity will be the husband moving on and having a child with the next woman. #4 speechless....really no words for uncaring, obtuse pricks

[@malindaallen718]

#3 He will definitely get himself a new woman and make babies with the new one. Move on!

[@Blech-h9z]

This is why we need to start a foundation for DV victims. A national one, so any woman in any part of the country can access it.

[@nyneegardner6235]

I agree!! There needs to be at least one outpost in every major city. Food, shelter, clothing, funds to relocate, child care, and counseling for educational and other grant resources should be available to help these women and children have a fresh start.

[@msthang5366]

What can I do? How can we start. I am serious.

[@nyneegardner6235]

@msthang5366 I am not sure where to start, to be honest. But I think finding a grant writer to help get funds would help. There is money out there, but it has to be found and applied for. I belong to a group that has grant sources for individuals, but I don't know how to do grant writing for non-profits. Also, I know there are a lot of abandoned factory buildings in some of the major cities. They could be converted to Facilities and housing, and it would probably be better built than a new building. I wanted to do a building conversion like that in Philadelphia, but for a charity for talented, low income inner city youth, and also housing for them. I also wanted to help the homeless. I had to move, but I still want both of these to be established for people. Women and children truly need the help.

[@msthang5366]

@@nyneegardner6235 I am a pretty decent writer

[@msthang5366]

@@nyneegardner6235 me as well!

[@LBellatrix]

1. I really hope she’s able to get someplace safe. 2. I too noticed she was writing a whole lot of words about HIM and HIS feelings. Maybe she’s okay with being a Barbara the Builder? 🙁 3) I wish he’d been honest with her from the beginning. My co-worker was married to a man who said from the very beginning he didn’t want kids. It took her 10 years before she realized he was serious. 🙄 She divorced him. 4) Real talk: Men like this are why I’m single. UGHHHHH 😡 the cluelessness is just mindblowing…why the hell would ANY woman attach themselves to a useless BOY?

[@TheKriscg]

This is why the advice “ just leave” is stupid! Women need to make sure when they leave they can do so safely. Many dudes will terrorize you once you leave and there is practically no help.

[@stimela1000]

Yes it's hard. It can even feel impossible, and it's well known that the most dangerous point in an abusive relationship is when you want to/try to leave. I spent years hating my life and wanting to escape from the relationship, but I didn't have the resources plus my mental health was so wrecked by him. When I finally left it was by escaping out the back door with the kids. He has also exhibited stalker behaviour since, but hasn't been able to physically do anything because his alcoholism made him too sick and weak. Its been a rough ride, but I am so glad to be out of that situation.

[@constancep7632]

OP1 - It breaks my heart that she's apologizing 😢 OP3 - Oh honey... That man isn't your best friend. If he had been, he wouldn't have lied to you for over a decade. He's a self-centered AH. I'm going on 39; trust me, your best years are ahead of you!

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Men just don't understand how draining breastfeeding is! Yeah I'm "just sitting" with the baby, and spending the same energy as if I was going for a 2 mile hike uphill!!! I could literally feel my energy draining from me with every feeding and I fed on demand for 2 years with my first. And had to pump with my second baby because of latching issues, and I pumped 7-8 times a day and night too for 2 years!

[@Blech-h9z]

Dang, you're awesome.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

Nope, it's not a hard concept. The "misunderstanding" is on purpose. I never breastfed, and I get it. I never had cancer, and I felt for my dad when he got it. My grandfather would sit there hugging my grandma as she breastfed, telling her how much her appreciates all that pain and work and how much he loves her for giving him a little girl and then feeding her off her own body.

[@nicolem2877]

@@silverbluemonsoonwow. What a man.

[@Sunny-tc3ul]

Also ladies stop trying to fix men. They have to fix themselves first. That second lady is going to drain her own energy trying to fix him.

[@MayaMaya-tj7kw]

Move again, shelter time, and pew pew. Talk to local law enforcement and look at your limits in self defense. But only pull out the pew pew as a last resort. Reach out to family, move in with them or at least let them know

[@Ninsidhe]

Please don’t recommend fire arms to individuals who are not trained and who are already heavily traumatised, because the actual likelihood is that she’s going to get it wrestled off her and used ON her instead OR she’s going to kill the dude and then spend a considerable amount of time in custody while it gets sorted out, meanwhile what exactly happens to her child? If someone is actually trained and can handle using it under extreme stress then it’s a good option, but for the rest it’s an invitation to disaster or possibly a long jail sentence. Patriarchy does NOT like women who defend themselves.

[@clarantromillo]

"I'm 30, my best years are gone"😂😂😂 dear, your best years are to come!! Since my 30th birthday every year has been better than the previous one, and I feel it will be the same for a long, long time!

[@islandgirl8067]

The 1st lady is blaming herself for a brutal assault? I hope this maniac stays locked up & she can move away. 🙏🏾🙏🏾 The man in the 2nd story needs therapy, she can’t help him. It’s understandable for the 3rd lady to feel sad, she’s been with this man since she was 19. She still has a lot of years ahead of her & can still start a family with someone else. I’m glad the lady in the last story stood up to her big baby of a husband. He’s probably jealous of the attention the baby is getting.

[@NobodyImporttant]

I think I heard somewhere that victims of stalkers go to the FBI sometimes because local police don’t do anything. That situation is a nightmare and she does not deserve it. Stalking needs to be taken seriously. That grown man in the 4th story has no business putting on a pathetic display to get the kind of attention he wants from his wife. He needs to grow up and understand he has a family (baby AND wife) to take care of, and acting mopey will make things worse.

[@beatrizl1848]

I'm 50. All of the friends that married (myself included) in their 20's are either divorced or divorcing. Many more people I know who married in their 30's are still together, have kids if they wanted them (or adopted). 30's, including late 30's, is a great time to have kids. Honestly, I think my 30's were my best decade. I think that waiting helps people make wiser choices bc you know yourself that much better.

[@emem6935]

The second lady should know that a man who leads with victimhood is BAD NEWS. You start off feeling sorry for him, by the end you'll be sorry you ever met him. She'll learn the hard way, because even if she broke it off with this guy I bet she's the kind of woman who will still look for another man to pity oops I mean love😬 I'm praying for the first woman.

[@Chloenextdoor]

Why would he even touch her knowing that she hasn’t care for their newborn. He should stay away so they don’t all get sick!

[@DanielleSamoneJohnson77]

Story #1: Just a reminder, she was unsure of whether or not her partner was even exhibiting suspicious behavior because he was so sweet and they never had conflict. She decided to trust her own instincts and read the clues for herself before she left. So this violent & stalking behavior is a completely new side of him. Just saying for all those who like to rationalize and logic away any probability of less than truthful intentions before making any plans or taking any actions to create a safe environment. Had she done that, she'd likely be dead by now. Story #2: I know how sweet she seems and how vulnerable he tries to come across, but that reality is anything except such. For her friends to try holding a conversation with her while she cannot respond without constantly roping in another clueless person is exhausting. This will eventually isolate her entirely because no one else will want to have a conversation with her and the person they have to slow down to awkwardly include. I'm pretty sure he's perfectly aware of that outcome too. His supposed feelings that she's trying to account for mean, according to his rules, that she would become obligated to inform or include him in EVERY SINGLE conversation she has. So he gets to keep tabs on who she talks to and what is being said to her at all times.This is simply manipulation disguised as "poor, poor, broken me; please fix me." This one will only grow increasingly clingy and overbearing until it erupts into aggressive and controlling. Sad part is that she's so focused on appearing perfectly kind, that she seems perfectly poised to fall right into this trap. It takes one to know one. I feel for this mess for over a decade. From here forward, anyone else needs to account for their own issues. I am not responsible for anyone other than my own soul. Necessary and True!

[@EmyN]

Exactly, any issues you have, it’s your responsibility alone. He’s playing it up as an excuse to control her

[@claudjarodnez]

At 19:10, how much do y'all want to bet that he woke the baby up on purpose, because his wife wasn't giving him the attention he so desperately wanted? I'm getting sick & tired of hearing XY's being jealous of their own children. It's pathetic.

[@unanuevapecula]

Wouldn't it be better for him to just listen so he may learn something about a topic he doesn't know much about. He sounds exhausting. and it's a 'his' problem.

[@Bubaluve]

Maybe something is wrong with me but i can't imagine bailing my son who has beaten his girl friend out of jail.

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Cersei Lannister types exist. Worshipping the ground their sons walk on is NOT good for their emotional maturation.

[@ShielaM-p1w]

7:12 dint fall for it. Hes not lonely or feeling excluded. He's playing mind games so that you stop talking to other people which ends up ISOLATING HER. See its not possible to NEVER have anything to talk to others about so that he foesnt feem excluded. There will always be some topic he doesnt know that YOU do. The only way to prevent that is to NEVER talk go anyone else. You see? Isolation.

[@ccsretreat1513]

You can't save everyone. Sounds like she's ready to go down with the ship.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

SHE is the codependent one. He is the one hanging a problem on her while she accepts it as hers to solve, no matter how ridiculous.

[@sagittariansage_2271]

The second one needs to leave his codependent ass. He is extremely mal adjusted and unless she's ok with his controlling manipulative behavior then she needs to leave and he has to get therapy ASAP

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

First story makes me sad and angry. The DV laws are a joke in this country and men still view women and children as property to dominate/control. She needs a C&C she has a second amendment right to protect herself and child from that deadly narcissist. The second story she’s being an additional mother for a grown immature king male baby. Ugh. She’s doing Barbara the builder mess with him too. He needs to fix himself that’s not her job. These dudes turn on women that engage in this behavior with them. Third story file for divorce honey she’s young enough to remarry and have the family she wants. He did the switch up like majority do to steal your time and youth. He’s not strong he’s weak for deceiving her. She’s doing the right thing by divorcing. It’s a clean break. She needs to go to therapy, do self care & love to recover. She’s free to have the life she wants with the correct man. ❤ Fourth story not the AH. He refused to help with his own child and expects her to take care of his big grown sick behind. He’s not too sick playing video games. He’s selfish and she married a king baby. He’s too lazy to feed himself smh.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

What really jumped out at me is that she told him to pick up some food for HIMSELF on his way home because she's had zero time away from the baby, not for the BOTH OF THEM. Yet she is the one breastfeeding. Feeding her should be the priority. But she talked about that like it's normal. Tells me that he provides zero support, and she is used to that from him. But now he wants to put more work on her as well. AND she works full time. My God!

[@no_peace]

I'm exhausted just hearing her describe her needy boyfriend

[@no_peace]

Some guys really are that insecure, it's not a trick or whatever, but insecure ones AREN'T SAFE FOR US TO BE AROUND. Even if they genuinely are hurt and it's not fake, their lashing out is REAL

[@tashibalampkin8555]

12:55 I don't think her post was dramatic. She was hurt and has the right to expressed it. It sucks real bad he lied to her all these years. He must have realized that marrying her was the best choice for HIM. So he lied to keep the relationship.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

Right? Not dramatic at all. I would have been absolutely devastated. Who wouldn't be?

[@strawbraryliberry4604]

As far as the 2nd situation, it's nice to care about a partners feelings & help with insecurities in simple ways so they feel safe- but what she's trying to do is just too much, too constant - where does his responsibility to manage his own feelings & insecurities come in? It's fine to need a little reassurance, but having EVERY conversation revolve around you & needing to feel invited at all times (which I have a little bit too,) is something she can't, and shouldn't attempt to fix for him. He needs to figure out how to feel a speck of self worth on his own.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

A narcissist and a codependent is a classic for a reason. The fact that they are both pretending that he is the codependent is also a classic. If he were an alcoholic, she'd be trying to assume responsibility for his drinking while he would be "reluctantly sharing" that it's actually her normal, everyday behaviors that cause him to drink. And she'd be scrambling herself into an omelette trying to "work on herself" as to no longer trigger him- attempting to never look hurried while getting ready for work, never shed tears while cutting onions and never clean while he is sitting down (but also not let the space get cluttered), stuff like that.

[@raynebow5289]

@@silverbluemonsoon This is very insightful, thank you

[@TheGhostofAbigailMills]

Word to the wise from my lawyer friend (your state laws withstanding): a restraining order doesn't do ish by itself, its basically a little piece of paper that covers your a$$ so that when he inevitably violates the order and you're forced to 🔪🔪🔪 or 🔫🔫🔫him, the police can't do much, if anything, to you for defending yourself and/or your child.

[@yawnsoften]

My daughter had colic...took me 4 months of 4 hours of sleep every 24 hours...we'd end up just crying together....VACUUM CLEANER!!! Put a vaccine cleaner outside of your baby's door. The noise and vibration will get her to sleep. I swear on it!!! God bless you!!!

[@dorkygirlsurvivalist3482]

The second lately is still not able to choose a healthy relationship. The guy is going to snap and she will be shocked. She is ignoring the signs that he is controlling.

[@Christin-n2p]

For the first story. Now that its on record and she was actually harmed by him, she could easily put a bullet in him and get off and not serve a day in jail...

[@MelissaThompson432]

"Codependent" doesn't sound insecure to me. He sounds ego-driven and selfish. And, tbh, narcissistic.

[@paulaw418]

A mistake is something you do accidentally you don't accidentally assault someone

[@AfRiCaNqUe3n]

The codependent relationship - it’s too much work. I knew i could marry my husband because I didn’t have to hand hold him at parties.

[@saraho9568]

For the guy that needs to be included in every activity and conversation.....grow up. Jesus. He sounds exhausting. I had a relationship like that once and it felt like being with a needy child. The difference is that you're with an adult and you start to lose respect for him.

[@constancep7632]

I dated a guy like that for about 3 months when I was 16. I broke it off because it was awful... and he tried to unalive himself. Seriously, we need to STAY AWAY from these super insecure people. 💀

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Anyone so emotionally demanding should be seen as a toddler regardless of his physical age . NOT attractive and not respectable.

[@daniellemitchell3118]

The codependent guy shoukd try to read more or watch mire streaming shows or the news. Plus, he needs therapy or needs to grow up. Everything is not all about you.i learned that at age 5. Smh

[@marieo305]

1st story: Please let this guy to to prison for a long time🙏🏻. 2nd story: He is isolating her. By making it uncomfortable for her to talk to anybody without him, he makes it impossible for her to do her thing. This can/will lead to her isolating herself to make it comfortable for him. And then she is all for him, with all the risks that come with that. 4th story: She is with a manbaby. Is there still a warantly to return him to his mommy?

[@BB-gd7ez]

1. I'm so sorry for her. She has health issues right and he is some sort of law enforcement? I can't remember. I know his mother is trash if she bails him out and he needs to be stopped......permanently. 2. That man is manipulative and dangerous. It's beyond "codependency." Who in the world thinks that every single conversation should inlcude them even if they are ill equipped to have it. That's crack. 3. That husband is not a good person/friend. You don't treat your people that way. He knows there is a time limit and that she is an emotional person. He doesn't think she will leave. I hope she goes on to have the family she wants in spite of his behavior. 4. I can believe (well I can, but sheesh) her a-hole husband didn't bring food home for her! If she doesn't feel like cooking for you, chances are she didn't cook for herself. He is awful. He could be using this time to baby her and his child but NOOOOO.

[@EmyN]

Gosh, I rooting for the soup lady, what a fucking nightmare

[@lynns4426]

There are amazing things about life at every stage and decade. Don't sell yourself short ladies. I hope these women heal and head towards successful and safe partnerships.

[@no_peace]

In Oregon whenever you run you lose your rent control. It could double your rent or more if you "just run" even if you could afford to "just move" which most people can't

[@kjones8747]

Sad story. Need to find out the self defense laws of your state. Especially the pew pew rules when you are threatened in your own home

[@cindychristian1700]

It's a shame the Law won't really do anything until he hurts you! I hope he gets a long prison term!

[@comkver]

I wonder if Mr. Codependent will feel left out if the women started talking about periods.

[@silverbluemonsoon]

Yes. He isn't trying to intrude on every conversation. He gets upset when the topic doesn't include him. They are not allowed to talk about anything that isn't about him, his experiences or his interests. That sounds codependent to you, or does that sound like something else?

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

😂😂

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

@@silverbluemonsoonsounds like a narcissist

[@evergreenforestwitch]

For #2 - I think he's manipulating her. I think SHE'S codependent (and not healed) and he's displaying narcissistic tendencies. She goes on and on about his feelings, but what it ultimately amounts to is that if every, single human being in his presence is not making HIM the center of attention, he has a temper tantrum. I highly doubt he is having a shame spiral when he does this. I think he has an "I'm not getting what I want" pout. For the record, I am autistic and have ADHD and know some things about struggling with social interactions and that you sometimes DO have unfortunate responses to being upset. Get that. But if that's what's going on, HE needs to excuse himself to use techniques to regulate his emotions. He doesn't get to hijack every conversation and demand that people discuss things that matter TO HIM instead of themselves because he won't be bothered to manage himself. If he is UNABLE to do that, he does not possess the skills and emotional resilience to be in a romantic relationship and needs to be in therapy and work on these sklls BEFORE he sees anyone. No matter how you split it, it is not HER job to manage this.

[@BurbNBougie]

Ok. I kinda felt the same

[@silverbluemonsoon]

Imagine having a child with him. He would feel excluded and abuse the duck out of both.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

@BurbNBougie yeah, I think he uses "codependent" as bait to lure the right kind of dysfunctional woman to him. Only someone codependent would think his bs is reasonable. Obviously, outside looking in, so I could be wrong, but to me, this is the only way her story makes sense.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

@silverbluemonsoon good point. That man would be irrationally angry at a literal infant for taking the attention off of him. Anyone who would react that way is dangerous.

[@Fungigi]

My ex would legit freak out and get mad when i had to squeeze past him to get to the bathroom since he sat RIGHT NEXT to the bathroom door.

[@mapulemaake7129]

30 is new 20 had my baby in my 30s. Im now in my 40s and i will be a divorcee.i cannot wait to be free and leave my life

[@Lia-fe4lj]

Is there a cashapp for the first woman?

[@BurbNBougie]

Not that I've seen

[@sylvieroche9364]

We should advocate for school lessons about survival instinct for girls ! That woman saying she loves and respects the husband who lied to her, took her for granted and put his desires above her for 11 years would have really needed those lessons. Talk to your daughters, nieces and all the girls around you please ! Tell them that nobody will fight for them but themselves. Help them learn that you shouldn't love someone who puts you down. She has been told all her life that what makes her a good person is being empathetic, sweet, forgiving and loving .... the husband has been told he can claim to be a good person without any of that.

[@La_Ru-yg8es]

Thirty is awesome, but, forty is magnificent!! 🤗 I hope this young woman sees just how many doors are still open to her. ❤️

[@ebonyblack7272]

Story 3 made me heated. I can't stand when grown ass adults try to compete with children for attention. There was this guy at a new church I visited last Saturday. He spent about 20-30min after service dunking on a group of kids under 10. This man was in his 30's

[@michblu]

GOD protect this lady and her child

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Omg yes!! I was always wondering about her!!

[@annt7384]

Story #2: if op was raised to be responsible for the feelings of others, she’s a walking target for friends and lovers to take advantage of her. Therapy will help her learn how to set and adhere to boundaries, and gain the self-worth to seek healthy relationships.

[@Sunny-tc3ul]

When she asked, “what more can he take from me till he’s satisfied?” Girl he wants to hear your last breath. She needs a 🔫 and pepper spray. She really needs to protect herself. The police always wait till it’s to late. We as women have to learn to take the law into our own hands after they refuse to help us. The law say they are there to protect serve, but the only people they are protecting and serving are abusers.

[@martymcfly5764]

The "socially awkward" guy is playing dumb. He knows exactly what he's doing. It's a control tactic, don't fall for it.

[@jenndesharnais6101]

The police don't help women. I've been through it. Even though my x went to prison for his abuse of me and then went back to jail for breaking the restraining order more than once I still had to renew the restraining order for 5 years before I could get a life time restraining order.The legal system doesn't help women at all. They throw you a piece of paper as if that's going to protect you and then even when there is clear proof, he is dangerous to you and your children they make you fight for 5 years to keep him away. The system benefits men, not women... it even gives men time to abuse you before the system finally tells them to stay away. It allows men to put you through as much trauma as possible before they will help you.

[@freethinkinmelanin6795]

I think you should’ve finished that comment from the husband. I think whenever there is an opportunity to show these man boys how a man should conduct himself, it should be highlighted. Something I’ve noticed is that a lot of men assume all men hold their toxic beliefs. And I think that’s only because toxic masculinity seems to be deeply embedded in our society. I recently purchased Karate Kid 1-3 and the one with Jaden Smith to watch with my daughters. In the first movie, Ally’s ex boyfriend is obsessed with her to the point that he makes her life hell just for the hell of it. In one scene one of her ex’s friends say “I thought they broke up?” And someone replies “Yeah she did, he didn’t” or something along those lines. And they still proceed with helping him cause a scene and bully Daniel. That was a reoccurring theme in all of those movies. But it’s a theme that plays out constantly in art and in real life. Men are constantly being pushed the message that being an awful person makes them cool and will get them far. People say “nice/good guys finish last.” And in the black community we completely ignore the FACT that for generations black children have watched men and women work themselves into the ground and still end up with nothing. And it’s why fast money was able to put us in the chokehold it did. But back to my original point. What we as a society expect and consider normal needs to be reconfigured. And I think sharing the words of men who get it, helps. They need to know not all men are jerks/abusers and some women need to know that too. I think there are just so many layers and levels to all of this stuff that it’s gonna take multiple lifetimes/generations to get things balanced correctly.

[@IAmTheoracle007]

She is absolutely a natural beauty. He does not love her and entered this marriage under false pretenses. I would let him and his son have each other, he probably married a younger woman to get at the ex-wife. He needed a mother for his brat. She needs to leave before he hurts her. No good will come from this.

[@Blue_Azure101]

What happens if she chose self defense and left him on his way to the next life, what happens to her?

[@creolenola]

I am a bit confused about the 3rd one but it seems someone wants kids and someone doesn't?

[@BurbNBougie]

That is what I gathered as well

[@nicolewood7957]

I got the impression that he had a vasectomy years ago and that is the lie he’s been living for years

[@Jujubean9795]

The 30yr old still has time but not much. It is extremely difficult but she has to be determined and focused. DO NOT LET ANOTHER MAN WASTE YOIR TIME!!

[@jaeshasway]

Couples or at least working mothers have to start planning better for having children. Hopefully many women are beginning to realize that it’s hard and husbands will not necessarily be there to help even if they say they will. Start a nanny fund. Don’t have a baby until you can pay for assistance for at least the first 1-2 years. 1/2 time help is better than no help at all. Imagine how much better of a mother you will be if you’re energized and prepared to provide and be there for your baby. New born live in Au Pair care ranges from $25,000 to $35,000. I know it’s a lot, but why is it that we will save to go on trips, private schools, expensive cars, homes, etc. but won’t save to have temporary help when we decide to start a family?

[@cinnamonthomas3075]

Omg 30 is so young. Just be happy you can start over at a young age! Thank God you did not have children.

[@specks_alot]

This is barely believable the way no one helped her… :(

[@stormyskyz7881]

7:05 he sound sassy

[@vrichards4363]

Hope she has some friends 🤫😶... Iykyk

[@PettyQueen13]

❤❤❤I realized I should have had my children after thirty raising kids while you're a kid is no picnic😢

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

The 2nd story it sounds the like woman still has co dependency issues also in my opinion.feeling like you have to cater to someone’s issues is a sign of codependency she needs to leave him, her saying she understands why he acts that way to me sounds like they’re trauma bonding in a way ,she should leave him continue her healing journey also

[@onycagayle4485]

❤

[@the.masked.one.studio4899]

💖

[@malindaallen718]

You are NOT in a healthy relationship. Your desire to fix his problem shows you still need to be ON YOUR OWN and in THERAPY to continue working on your codependency issues.

[@charminglady2011]

Its giving fake vibes. She doesn't even seem real. But savior complex is really tricky, and out of reddit or social media pay grade. The extreme cases turn dangerous.