4 Things: Woman won't let her dad babysit, Lady cried at dinner, Discussion on casual sMex, & more

[@MonicaBasey]

The lady who cried at dinner is being manipulated by her husband. He is purposely being mean to get her to leave. 😢

[@monikapp3981]

Second story "he doesn't do empathy" ... you already know it's gonna be bad

[@savoir777faire]

He doesn’t like his wife either. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a side piece.

[@ARCHOUSE5150]

​@@savoir777faire I wouldnt be suprised if the side piece was the babysitter.

[@SRHisntSilent]

Thanks for the content warning Bracing myself

[@sonja4164]

I thought that too!​@ARCHOUSE5150

[@NewBlooom]

I think the man is narsissist and the women is codependent and It's a rattling mixture. not everyone can be in a relationship with a person with mental issues. Divorce is the best option for kid's happiness.

[@rudejunk]

It's terrifying how men can hide their true personalities for years until they think they have a woman trapped. It's hard to believe they are really human sometimes

[@karmAnonymous]

THANK YOU! I truly believe they are more demonic than anything

[@childfreechick2980]

Subhuman Neanderthals.

[@Pettyspaghetti-w3g]

"Ohhh, but you shoulda _choseeee betterrrr!"_ Sir, how can we vet liars? Men who hide their true personalities? 😒🙄

[@d.c6351]

Yep the reason I’ll never have kids. Cant give a man too much leverage or too many advantages.

[@childfreechick2980]

@d.c6351 one of the reasons I'm childfree too.

[@thesecretshade]

Second story: he doesn't "act" like hes hating her (her words). He really does hate her.

[@LammyHowl]

Yes 💯

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

Yes she needs to leave him

[@smcathe8754]

Right that is such a horrible thing to go through, I really hope that she leaves him and pull herself together and take care of her kids and herself….❤

[@sylviaj270]

Narcissists are renowned for ruining holidays. The husband that likes to take his wife on emotional roller coasters and nothing is ever his fault has very narcissistic tendencies. The pregnant woman whose husband moved out needs to put up cameras around the house.

[@radicalreactions1633]

EVERYONE in the world has "narc tendencies," this guy IS a narc.

[@MelissaThompson432]

#4 that "freeze" she hates herself for might have kept her alive. She is NOT SAFE. That man didn't change. He's a psychopath.

[@NOYB28]

Second, she needs to realize that he actually does hate her. It’s time for to divorce

[@brujabsc]

Six months. He waited till she couldn't safely terminate. This is why I'm an advocate for lying about your due date and feeding false info like you can't terminate after four months. If they act up as soon as they think you can't back out, yeet.

[@rengurenge]

It's not hard for bad men to wait those few extra months until child is born. My grandfather and father was like that.

[@nikicarrie4071]

Good idea

[@Trogdor1365]

That last story is stuck in my brian. Just the image of her, 6 months pregnant, trying to passively walk by him and him quietly shoving her over and over until she falls. That man has been a bully his whole life and his whole horrible self comes out when someone is at their most vulnerable. That's how all bullies are.

[@chelseawilliams8588]

Second guy is a WILD. To stress out your pregnant wife is unacceptable. He wants a punching bag and he is going to unalive her through her nervous system.

[@shesafeb1507]

Casual sex rejection! Tell him no, and I promise you he will always come back until you say yes. I’m 47 years old and there are men in my DMs from high school that I turned down for sex still trynna get it. Men need to hear no sometimes, it helps them grow.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Yes, it’s probably partly a self-esteem thing and over valuing men’s approval. A man’s rejection shouldn’t never so much that you have disappointing sex. If he does disappear when he hears no, that’s a good thing. Shows that’s all he was after anyway

[@moniquej369]

And if they don’t come back, who cares! No means No! If he’s not willing to wait, he’s not worth it anyway!

[@La_Ru-yg8es]

😅😅 my grandma used to tell us, "keep 'em wanting." She was one of the most wise women I've ever known.

[@GardensFlowers-f7k]

Casual s8x for some if not most women is just a waste of time & an unnecessary risk to take. Even s8x within a "committed relationship" with males can be just as risky and dangerous (and still not satisfying). Why do it?

[@bluejay6229]

Yeeaa had a situation with a guy from college and it’s about the same

[@yujuy.1329]

Also that last lady doesn’t put his name on the birth certificate. Leave him off at all costs. Give the baby your name.

[@ragingrn8342]

Men like to say "the juice is not worth the squeeze". After reading all of this I can say "the Salami is never worth the bologna that will be brought into your life." Single, celibate, & childfree = safe, sane, & financially solvent.

[@BuffaloJenny79]

Love this 👏

[@SRHisntSilent]

Periodt

[@jayogee913]

Second story with the lady crying at dinner, this guy hates her. He got the kids he wanted out of her, he's done with her, but probably doesn't want to have to pay child support, so he tolerates keeping her around but entertains himself by being abusive and cruel to her. Wow. Yeah she should move on. It'll be hard with three young kids, though.

[@AbeerM-sd2fq]

The last story is terrifying. I hope she can get out safe.

[@redsunflower8999]

The woman who is functioning on 2 hours of sleep and has narcissist husband needs to quit having babies clearly than man likes torturing her.

[@radicalreactions1633]

You clearly don't understand narcs. lol.

[@loganmiller6603]

@@radicalreactions1633how so? Narcs love having a go-to person to torment. That’s why they blow up when the victim leaves.

[@VirgoGoddessXxo]

Last woman is smart. That sort of abusive behavior will escalate. Leaving is the best thing she could do for her and her baby.

[@sarahrobertson634]

She needs a permanent order of protection.

[@manarcabrera2528]

Second story. He’s having an affair. So get a good lawyer and get ready before he files.

[@VirgoGoddessXxo]

2nd story… omg, some of these “husbands” are so insufferable 😩😩 what’s the point of being married to someone like that?? Ppl tell me I’m too picky, but idc. I’d rather be picky than settle for someone who is constantly in conflict with me and constantly causing me misery. I refuse to believe men like him become that way overnight.

[@CrucialOlive]

The second story, that man is a narcissist. The medication she speaks of will never work. There is no magic pill for a personality disorder. It will never get better. She is being abused and needs to leave as soon as is humanly possible. The last story is a narcissist also. They can be whomever they need to be for as long as they need to be until they think you are trapped. You can't vet. There is no way to vet this kind of thing. The only thing you can do is know your worth, pack your feelings away, and be okay with leaving.

[@heyhey439]

That last one...... Could have easily been a murder.

[@sarahrobertson634]

He kept her alive because she's his human incubator.

[@starlingswallow]

Second story: yup he's a narc.😢 My abusive ex Narc did these _very_ things. Start fights with his complaining and bad mood, getting angry when I'd cry, calling my emotions and "inconvenience" for him, no empathy whatsoever, over all a monster who wanted to drag me into the hell that is his mind and soul. Run, girl. Run fast!! He will kill you and your light with this co start treatment. 😢

[@Egh0127]

Me too. He's 100% a narcissist. My narc does the same exact things I mean I can't even count how many times I've cried the way she describes. In public but you can't cry out loud or the narc will get mad. They want to keep up appearances in public and then once you're alone they don't care how they act.

[@hallievanoutryve3109]

I definitely see lots of BPD, borderline more than narcissism. But def see narcissistic tendencies too. Hot and cold, push and pull, out of control emotions, possible lack of sense of self (acting like a rich snob out of nowhere). I am more familiar with BPD so it is easier to see for me. Interesting to hear your perspectives!

[@hallievanoutryve3109]

Yea the no emotions strikes me as Antisocial PD which is often comorbid with NPD. But regardless of possible diagnosis (which he probably will not get anyways, esp if Narcissism or Antisocial is his main issue) dude is toxic AF and would need lots of help and hard work to get better(and may not be capable of change at all).

[@cloud9beauty]

I am terrified for that last lady. It’s not over, he can follow her from work or the hospital to her new place. I hope she takes more steps to prepare for the worst: weapons, etc. she should let her new neighbors know so they can keep their eyes peeled for suspicious activity, him or his car etc. this is a dangerous one

[@fantym1633]

If he had the time to flat the tires, he had time to plant a tracking device

[@thepoliticalcat]

I believe she said she has an attorney regarding the DV incident, and any attorney worth their salt will ensure that their client files a restraining order and take other steps to restrict his access to her, her child, her workplace, and her home.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

It’s really sad that you can’t be vulnerable with men! Many really do use your trauma against you. Relationships with most men are like eating a struggle meal. Sad and unfulfilling. You almost rather go hungry. Not like it’s nourishing or anything…

[@hubabaloop]

That’s a good way to put it

[@chromesthesia]

Im not even married to that man and i want a divorce. I hate this. People shouldnt be crying over their mean spouses! They should have spouses that support them and are kind.

[@TheRacqgrl769]

None of these women are the problem, per usual.

[@thepoliticalcat]

Ain't that the truth!

[@LibertyCairde]

That last story has me ugly crying. Thank you for the opportunity to look some of my grief in the face! Almost a decade post divorce and I am still dealing with that “no man will want a single mom”. It’s been true for me, sadly. It’s good to cry it out and process the hurt even this many years later.

[@BurbNBougie]

Thank you for sharing and being here. You are seen 🫶🏾

[@moniquej369]

You’re probably better off single anyways.🤷🏽‍♀️ These dudes don’t add any value to a relationship, they just want to drain your energy. Any man worth your time will accept you just the way you are. Don’t feel bad about being single. It’s Gods protection! You’re not missing out on anything.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Listen to Monique. 🙂💛

[@brownjaded]

It’s sick. But this world is wicked.. and don’t have more no matter how hard a male desires

[@cosmosadorabilis7677]

​@@oOIIIMIIIOowhy?

[@tashibalampkin8555]

She won the conversation when the dad couldn't answer her "tough" questions.

[@nopenallnull]

#2. Girl get a divorce and cut your losses. It's clear that fool doesn't like her.

[@ToniDaniels1275]

The last story!!! That was him the whole time!!! He hid it🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[@shanc2672]

"He drove the babysitter home". I bet money thats he's cheating with her. He's taking his anger out on the wife and he's rushing the dinner so he can get back to the babysitter.

[@manifest2203]

Good catch. That seems highly plausible.

[@Egh0127]

Exactly what I thought too. Men who drive the babysitter home are not to be trusted. If you wanna make some money babysitting find your own ride. Or ask the wife....

[@leona2222]

I thought the same.

[@cocoace7587]

My first thought. If he got her the new iPhone, welp . She's lost now . 😮

[@RainingPouringSnoring]

Second story: sounds like he is conditioning her to never want to go out on dates... But he doesn’t want it to look like he doesnt want to take her out. So he insists on them going out (to save face) but then ruins every outing (so that she will refuse to go out with him in the future). I bet that he will complain to friends and family about how she never wants to go out anymore and how he is the only one trying to keep the spark alive, blah blah blah. It will look like she shares some of the blame when he eventually cheats. He does sound narcissistic. Wanting to have the appearance of goodness without actually being good. She she should run before she loses herself and or her mind.

[@katherines144]

I was thinking the same. He makes dates so awful she never even asks to go out again. Same with the marriage workbook. Starts a fight so he never has to face any real issues in the marriage and actually try to FIX them. He likes a miserable marriage, enough to make sure it stays that way

[@radicalreactions1633]

And how are you so sure? I don't think you've dealt with narcs. They don't have to be cheating to act this way, it's who they are.@@stucker3188

[@briskettacos]

That's a good point - he's conditioning her to not seek intimacy and absolving himself of any blame

[@teal1010]

“My whole life revolves around HIS moods and it’s not good.” That👆part!

[@dunyazade]

This convinces me that you have to have your own money to raise your kids before having them- 'cause the husband can just turn. Like, going in to a marriage it is as almost you gotta be rich :/

[@iamshakuri]

his mother bailed him out…

[@ohbooyourselves]

The sister and Husband from the first story can shove it.

[@nightstarstar1]

S2- she married a narcissist. It’s a classic move for narcissists to want to pretend to be grander than they are and when she didn’t play along it pissed him off. It’s weird the way she’s acting as if she doesn’t realize that part. It’s also classic Narc behavior to ruin special events. The random anger and mood swings is also a part of their playbook. He gets off on controlling her and if she doesn’t behave in the way he wants she’s punished by his anger and coldness. They don’t feel empathy. Therapy will do nothing to save this marriage. I just feel sad for her that she’s had so many children with him and won’t be able to truly get him out of her life anytime soon.

[@Hopdog230]

The story about the couple in the restaurant.. that man is an abusive narcissist. She needs to leave.. there is no saving the marriage. She should do what she can to minimise his contact with her children because he’s going to damage them too.

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

First story naw that deadbeat cannot use the grand baby as a do over as a grandfather when he failed to properly parent and care for the OP and her siblings. Her mother did all the work has the audacity to criticize her. He’s struggling because he’s a king baby with no wife. He’s out of line period! He needs to dominate and control his emotions and life. Not hers! She can have five naninies it’s not his business! She’s not the AH. Second story she needs to file for divorce now! He just wants to dominate and control her. She needs permission to exist it’s pure bs! She needs to divorce now. He’s evil and abusive and will never change! He’s a typical Narc. This marriage is a prison period! She’s not the AH!

[@1108-g1q]

My dad, now aged 77, still remembers the bdays of all of my siblings and myself. It's true that men of that era didn't change diapers. I accept that people are products of their era. But he always found time to take us out even if it was just for ice cream with dad. He was an investment banker. He arrived home and mom was always ready to deliver happy hour to him. But he often wanted the kids with him in the parlor for that. He wanted to hear about our day. Kids only need to be shuttered away from dad upon his arrival from work if they are a source of more stress. My dad sure seems to like us and he seemed to have stress relief from us. If you don't like kids, that's cool. But you probably won't be asked to babysit. Kids don't need the expert. They need the person who wants to be with them.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

My dad remembers everyone’s birthday but mine. Idk why he does that…

[@CharlieApples]

I disagree, a child’s safety is more important than a grown man’s preferences and desires. If someone has proven themselves to be unknowledgeable about taking care of a baby unsupervised, and is unwilling to be taught the proper way, they are not looking out for that child’s best interests.

[@1108-g1q]

@@CharlieApples what that I said do you disagree with? Did you interpret what I said to mean that someone who doesn't care or learn to care about children should be allowed to watch them?

[@rtphotos4691]

​@@TheePrincessBrat- That's a power play. Don't invite him or acknowledge his anymore. If he can't remember yours then it won't make a difference if he isn't involved in it.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

@@rtphotos4691 it’s weird because it started out of nowhere. My 17th birthday was the first time he did that. Maybe he stopped pretending to care because he wouldn’t be paying child support on me anymore 🧐 I don’t give him gifts or acknowledge his bday or holidays. Last Father’s Day my sister and I spent the whole day out together 🤣

[@PaperMario64]

2nd story: He’s finding fault with her because he’s already stepping out or at least interested in someone else. He hates her because she’s holding him back (in his delusional brain). She needs to get out of the situation. Who wants to be with someone who hates them? He’s an entitled spoiled narcissist.

[@Okinawa455]

Hmmmm. The reasons for getting together with regular men are dwindling. 😅 Who would want to be with someone who you can’t open up to? Dating is getting immensely rough.

[@jayogee913]

It always was rough. It's just that women aren't taking that bs anymore, lol! It's been a long time coming, but yeah, we've finally accepted that the juice is indeed not worth the squeeze!

[@Okinawa455]

@@jayogee913 Nice. 😌 I feel the same way. I’m not getting involved with subpar men.

[@cloveless18]

Personally, i never wanted a random putting their hands on me. There has to be a real emotional connection and time. How can you feel comfortable, safe and special with a stranger? Id rather just get a device and use that instead of using a whole human being to scratch a temporary itch.

[@jayogee913]

Right? Honestly, s3x with men is usually underwhelming anyway. Most women have to finish themselves up anyway. And honestly, I don't care if it sounds tone deaf, but most other women I know who chase casual s3x are indeed often looking for a committed partner. And they think that giving them s3X will get a man to commit. That pretty much never works out for them.

[@BlackandBlessed100]

1… mom did the Right thing, that man can’t raise a dog let alone babysit a toddler-She has every Right to say who watches her child and who Don’t

[@soul-deeplevel-up6179]

I feel exhausted for the second woman. She has put up with a lot in what is clearly an abusive relationship. She needs to stop trying so hard and leave so that she doesn’t normalize his emotional and verbal abuse for the kids. I wish her the best.

[@queenreg7]

Girl, just get your ducks in a row and get on out of there.

[@lizjay4021]

The last story she needs to make sure her dogs aren't chipped.

[@EmyN]

I’m worried about the second story, she wants marriage counselling but marriage counselling doesn’t work when an abuser is involved

[@ButterflyBree]

These dust mites are always the abusive A holes in these storms. Praying for the woman who is pregnant. May she and her child be safe and heal.

[@blessingo7449]

4th story... yep that does it. Never getting married lol

[@Lokian_Mermaid]

Oh, I listened to the grandfather one yesterday.....barely spent any time with his kids but knows what hes doing because he raised 4. 🙄 No, he'd come home from work, eat dinner then check out.

[@trinketeerrine6674]

Sounds like he fathered them but he didn't raise them. He was a glorified sperm donor.

[@anonymousa-uy1hk]

The second story, the husband is definitely a narc. He seems to vacillate between vulnerable, grandiose and malignant narcissism. Frankly she needs to file for divorce asap. But she will need to plan her exit strategically. Leaving a narcissistic relationship is extremely dangerous.

[@silververnallbells191]

1. NTA - She has every right to protect her child & leaving her child w/someone incompetent who thinks they're going to fly in & be super gramps when they have no real basis for it is foolish. 2. He doesn't love you & he's toxic to the children. Get rid of him.

[@mettamorph4523]

For story #2, very quickly in I immediately thought "he's hiding serious financial issues". He's going broke and won't admit it to himself, and definitely not to the wife. All of this behavior is hiding some financial turmoil. She needs to quietly dig deep and look at the finances.

[@Hypergamousqueen]

He's cheating sis, that's why he's so impatient and snippy

[@howwelearngrowdaily]

The 2nd story....she's needs to leave him ASAP!

[@rn2787]

If he can't have a normal conversation with you on date night it's not a romantic relationship anymore. Mental health may be the reason, but that doesn't mean that you have to put up with it. Please don't allow someone's mental health issues destroy you. I may sound mean, but it's not your job to help them with that.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Men weaponize mental health alll the time

[@mikochild2]

She could have drawn the same boundary without letting him know about her trauma. Everyrhing doesn't require a detailed explanation. If that is how you prefer to date, that is what you prefer. Be selective about what you choose to share with a man you barely know.

[@manifest2203]

Most m3n use the trauma against wom3n.

[@mikochild2]

@@manifest2203 exactly. That's why you should draw boundaries without telling them the boundary is related to trauma.

[@JustCallMeJaph]

It's gotten so bad that I don't even go into too much detail about anything in the beginning. I just observe their behavior and determine if it fits my wants / needs or whether their normal behavior regularly crosses my boundaries. Because even without knowing past trauma, some will still pretend to respect boundaries until an attachment / connection develops. Then all 🔥breaks loose.

[@barbaraburbey7654]

Kudos to the woman who shined a light on grandad's true character. The 2nd story: that woman is living the "death by a thousand cuts" with that narc a-hole. Sad & lonely. The last story is a reminder that xys only pretend as long as it suits them and then, not content to just move on, they have to destroy their partner's mind, body and soul. As regards "casual sleeping with the enemy" did you notice how the OP said, "I feel like I HAVE TO put out," and later "b) I really am SO AFRAID of their reaction if I don't do it...". Most women won't acknowledge how much they fear men even tho there are millions of examples why we should. They show us every day. We're not allowed to say no, and when we do? well, "No means yes" is what we're told. XYs are a threat to women. She will just comply & pass on bodily autonomy without being told to. This is true for many women.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

It’s not uncommon for first instances of physical abuse to start during pregnancy or shortly after. It’s very sad. She needs to stay away from him. He is dangerous

[@abellabarbie]

I can't fathom how women have kids with men like the one in story 2. I cannot even fathom the mental gymnastics.

[@Lex2034-f7y]

The last story has the potential for unaliving. He keeps escalating with each encounter.

[@racqueldillon3560]

Not a fan of casual sex. I tried to have my “moment” after leaving the ex narc, but it just isn’t who I am. And I don’t want to exchange energy with just anybody after finally getting free.

[@strawbraryliberry4604]

Second story, yeah that's exactly what it's like to go out with a unaware narcissist. They upset you & then get upset that you're upset- but honestly I think that type wants to upset you. They use you as an emotional punching bag- I think they like to get an emotional reaction. Sometimes, no matter what you do, they're just going to be upset. Fourth story was so scary, and that dude never took accountability- he cheated & tried to blame her, and from there made things worse & worse. It's awful to think someone you trusted could turn like that... :(

[@joeshmoe0136]

The ruining every even and holiday flagged up to me

[@strawbraryliberry4604]

@joeshmoe0136 Oh yes, they love to ruin special occasions. My bad ex told me I ruined my own birthday, for him. Then he got really mad at me for "not being happy enough" 🙃 He told me I ruined special occasions, but he was always flipping out on them trying to provoke me. It must suck to feel however they do, but it also sucks to deal with that nonsense.

[@LuvsTruth]

The woman in the first story gave her father tough love. Men seem to think doling out tough love for everyone else is fine, but when it comes their way it’s out of line. NTA

[@4blueland]

100% it's ok to freeze. Your body is smart!

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

He mocked her so why shouldn't she mock him? Second story. What nightmare to live in. Guy is evil. Too bad kids are there too

[@PlayerTenji95]

First Story: I think being honest about the way your parents failed you is necessary. There’s no way to NOT come off as an asshole, unfortunately. Just pull the pin and let shit fly. There’s no other way! 3:35

[@blacknosugarnocream]

You should do an entire video on the second story. It deserves all the time.

[@lavonnewr]

Last story - needs cameras... needed cameras .

[@sylvieroche9364]

I know it's easier said than done but i wouldn't fight a boyfriend or husband telling me it's my fault when he made me cry. I would answer "yes, you are right, i am too sensitive for the "job" of being with you, clearly incompetent in making you happy by erasing my own feelings, let's go our separate ways so we can both find better matches". You may see that as "passive agressive" but if they use your feelings against you, don't hide those feelings, claim them.

[@monicasalyer8875]

First story - NTA. Dad is looking for a hobby and thinks caring for an infant will fill the bill. Since he.sounds rather bull-headed, I would have also asked him to change the baby's diaper (Including wiping), feeding and burping, etc.

[@toscadonna]

Who on earth hires a male nanny?😂 I’ve only heard of it once, and it ended up with the male nanny making child corn with the kid. In fact, here in Houston last month, a male volunteered to watch 2 toddler boys for a coworker who was called into her job at the Galleria, and he took the boys into the bathroom, called 6 of his friends, and they gang graped these 2 boys repeatedly on film whilst berating them. That’s why it’s a no go to have a male babysitting.

[@briskettacos]

The thing is, if he wasn't active in bringing up his own children, he has no idea how closely you have to look after a toddler, or how easily they can get into trouble (climbing onto counter, messing with electrical socket, pulling electrical cords, opening refrigerator, dropping a glass jar, putting small items in his mouth, ect.). He can learn, but it's not instinctive to him yet. So, he would literally need to be supervised until he becomes good at babysitting.

[@thepoliticalcat]

@@briskettacos I just said the same damn thing to some xy kid who posted earlier in the thread that it's more important that the sitter love the kid than understand how difficult it is to care for children of that age. They can literally bust their heads open in the 2 seconds that you put them down so you can pee. Literally. I would help two friends with their young kids occasionally, so I got some firsthand experience, and I can tell you I do NOT want to be the primary carer for kids of that age. It is literally hell. They move SO fast towards danger. And they're so fragile at that stage.

[@ccv_ca_cm]

"Red flags earlier on in the relationship...he would be mean for no reason"....ma'am. To each her own. When she gets tired of suffering, she'll do something about it. If casual activity makes you feel bad, don't have casual activity. Re: grandpa....she checked him appropriately. The last woman, so sad. He didn't change - he was always like that. Just hid it until he felt he trapped her. Smart not to totally co-mingle funds. Always have your own money/communiy somewhere or try to.

[@ccsretreat1513]

If he actually started taking medicine, he's stopped. Men do that. He's acting as if he hates her because he does. This is struggle love. Not worth it.

[@eleanoraddy4683]

Yeah in my experience they ruin every outing and special occasion no matter what

[@masixchell]

I have a couple fwb. We know what it is. We are cool with it. I’ve found this works with my life style as I’m focused on my dreams and goals. They spoil me 🤗😌. Love my life. Never wanted marriage.

[@Blech-h9z]

2nd story. Men do this so women file for divorce and they can say it's her fault for leaving. Let her be an absolute B, let her make him miserable, a taste of his own medicine.

[@LammyHowl]

That husband in the second story, based on what she said in her post, shows traits consistent with both the Malignant Narcissist and the Grandiose Narcissist. He wants to go on dates to show off to random strangers his wealth and his wife, not to connect with his wife. He even shows behavior in this story that, in my unprofessional opinion, is consistent with sociopathy. She needs to protect herself and her children and leave before it gets worse and he becomes violent.

[@allyssastaggs843]

Story 2… he is cheating or thinking about cheating

[@videofan1010]

The first father got a reality check. People are afraid of you sir - it's not real respect.

[@4blueland]

Doesn't matter what the dinner ruiner guy is--he isn't going to get better and he will hurt her health. I've seen the pattern and spent years examining it--now I know it is unmanageable and I'll never get back the time I spent trying to figure it out. I hope she can get support of a good therapist and get away

[@stephanieann9770]

I don't let my father babysit my kid. It has never been brought up in conversation, though.

[@rtphotos4691]

The second one, he is wanting to live like a single man. The clues are all there; snapping at his family, flashing cash, getting upset when his wife looks out for him. He is rebelling against domestic life. Send him away. Tell him he is miserable and a grouch and it is clear he doesn't want to be with her or them. Do the separation, then make plans for the divorce. This will go on until he is single again. Make sure you lock in child support and alimony because running a household and a family is expensive. He does not have depression that a pill can fix. He has situational depression. Antidepressants are over-prescribed because most depression is a result of people being in situations they don't want to be in. He can cure his own depression by divorce.

[@Asia-yt3cg]

Valentine's Day dinner story....he hates u! 🤷

[@marie_williams]

2nd story - what is it with these people who get you into a position where it's hard for you to walk away and then turn into monsters. I hope the OP is OK.

[@MelissaThompson432]

#3) I'm ace. I figured out I don't like rejection no matter where it comes in the event; that I prefer emotional closeness to being found attractive; and that at best the event itself is no more to me than a good sneeze if it's not about the true intimacy of an emotional connection. (Even then, it's not something I am drawn to; I know that part isn't something most women will relate to. But the rest, I think, is something more people will feel the same about.) In the end, casual activity to me seems like chasing the high but never catching it. It's like one of those Little Debbie cakes, but stale, the one with the wax frosting; when what you want is a decadent, top quality bakery cake. It's kinda the same, but it's really not.

[@susanlovesjava4961]

First story...there is no medication that will cure deliberate bad behavior.

[@Glowing-zr6vg]

2nd story - he’s a narcissist and he hates her. Enjoys making her crazy and thinks he’s better than her/deserves better than her. He wasn’t happy about her being pregnant, didn’t want to share her attention with kids. Narcissists like to yo-yo you around. They make you feel like crap so you’ll work for their approval/attention/their alien version of “love” then give you just enough crumbs to keep you holding on - rinse and repeat. She needs to take the kids and run now.

[@madarawijerathne276]

Last story so proud of the op and her future is definitely brighter

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

Story number two, it was so frustrating to listen to what she said. He was mad if she talked to him, didn’t talk to him, he was shaking her back-and-forth, something like that would surely make you want to jump into a lake and swim away 😢. That poor lady.

[@beautyininsanity421]

That second one... he's one breath away from turning into a physical abuser. She needs to run NOW.

[@annt7384]

I’m sorry her mom isn’t there to put him in his place for you. How do you have a relationship with someone who is that delusional? That’s a serious question.

[@candypettynettie487]

The mom probably enabled his behavior. He needs someone else to take on his bs.

[@videofan1010]

​@@candypettynettie487 Agreed - the mother is no longer here so he's looking for new victims.

[@Agaettis]

Sadly if its a shared account either owner can take everything out of the account whenever they want. Never mix money unless its purely for bills. "He doesnt do empathy" oh no

[@TheePrincessBrat]

I think the real issue is a lot of women have sex in ways they think they’re “supposed” to. That’s why I always say make sure you are being safe, physically and _emotionally_ . Sex is supposed to be enjoyable so if that means being in a commitment first, then hold that boundary. You’ll be grateful for it. I didn’t become sexually actively till 24, so I do think there’s value in waiting. Personally, I thoroughly enjoy being single. I’ve had a lot of people say or imply I can’t have casual relationships and also expect respect. Like uhh no? Anyone that wants access to me, in any form or fashion, *must* also respect me. Never hear any of this said to men… I don’t do ONS so my partners are always known to me. I never let them rush or pressure me.I’m upfront about what I want from the situation so it’s hard to use weaponized incompetence. If they fuck up, they get cut off. That’s it. It works for me and if a day comes that it doesn’t. I’ll adjust accordingly.

[@sarajuanaict]

2nd story.... Sounds like a total narc. Reminds me of my dad. He's a narc too. IDK why my mom deals with it

[@ingweking8748]

Omg my dad is a narc too

[@sarajuanaict]

@@ingweking8748 yeah it's crazy he usually isn't nearly as unhinged as this guy but he still doesn't think about anybody but himself

[@radicalreactions1633]

Probably for the same reason that most spouses do, especially women, FEAR. Narcs are EXTREMELY DANGEROUS especially when you try to leave them.

[@paulaw418]

The restaurant couple, if I had to guess I'd say he's probably having an affair. That's how cheaters act. Like their wives can't do or say anything right. They're no fun, always tired, etc

[@MelissaThompson432]

#1) you can't feel guilty if you are forced to deliver the "find out" to his "f around."

[@Ombudsman-jg6mn]

First story - if Reddit stamped your post NTA, you're not. Second story - DIVORCE. I hate to be that person, but I am that person. He's cheating on her. I'm so sure of it. And yes, he's a narc. Third- no comment.😂 Fourth story - I'm so 😢 for her. She should move to another state and get as far away as possible. He's trying to unalive her.

[@butterflyqueen9260]

2nd story yup

[@marisaJ1]

Pregnancy is a trigger to domestic abuse for some abusive men. Pregnancy makes you sometimes these guys don't actually want the child even when it's a planned pregnancy, they just want the control. This stuff would happen even if they don't know about past trauma. Because ultimately these guys are predators and they literally sniff out vulnerability. Her vulnerability was probably more likely to be that she doesn't have any family to protect her. Pregnancy is just the opportunity for the mask to slip. It doesn't sound like this is the first time this guy has been violent towards a woman. There wasn't much of an apology. No real remorse at all. No offer to get help. Emptying her account etc sounds like this was planned..i bet his mother knows his history too. I had to do DV training for my job and pregnancy has been identified for a long time as a trigger. It's a shame that girls aren't provided with this type of info prior to starting relationships so they can understand the need to protect yourself even in your relationships. Women need to understand that men are our biggest risk factor.

[@hippie1252]

Just want to say that I appreciate how educational your content is! It's easy for content like this to be rage bait, but you're here trying to teach women and make our lives better and I love that. Thank you ❤️

[@BurbNBougie]

I appreciate that!

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

Date night hubby is 1000% cheating and with more than 1 woman. Hes mad because he would rather be with one of them more than her and can’t because she’s taking up his time. He definitely hates her and wants her to leave first but she hasn’t. Men do this ALL THE TIME