The Struggles of Going Undiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome Until Adulthood

It wasn't until Andee was 44 years old that she was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. She shares her experiences with growing up without a diagnosis and how it affected her life.
Andee has a webpage: normalfaunamus...

[@user-yz9kz6vt9y]

"I tried so hard, and hard, and hard to make people like me, and I just couldn't do it... I would just repel people I really cared about." STORY OF MY LIFE

[@yogidevendrabiriyani1777]

❤❤❤❤hugs❤❤❤

[@yogidevendrabiriyani1777]

Maybe they cared about the wrong people

[@tracyburks47]

She is so eloquent and puts things into words that are easily understood. The "BEST YEARS" of your life are NOW my darling.

[@adapederson6159]

Yes!! Amen 🙏

[@fredneecher1746]

Sure, but "best" means so much less now that you are not young, do not have those years ahead of you, do not attract possible partners like you might have, can no longer build a career or have a supporting family. In fact, in the circumstances your comment is practically an insult.

[@wintermatherne2524]

I agree. They mean well, but they just don’t get it.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@wintermatherne2524it’s impossible for NTs to understand just how shocking and confusing it is to get first diagnosed in your 40s. All the masking and frustration . And then after the diagnosis it’s like a “ok now what?” Type feeling

[@smjbr79]

​@@brianmeen2158i have most of this going on myself. I mean at some point you can't let it define you. I mean it took 3 marriages for me to understand what others needed in a relationship. I just felt like I needed that in my life. Other aspects of my life have suffered for sure but it's an experience and at the very least we can communicate and some can't. Idk maybe I'm grasping at staws but I need that hope.

[@MissionaryOnWheels]

I watched this vid and already think this lady is awesome

[@FadedRoseStoriesRussia]

This is my story too. I am 65 and finally have a glimmer of understanding. I don't have a formal dx but the more I learn about others, the more my life makes sense.

[@seacruse]

Thank you for sharing your age. I'm on the cusp of turning 61 and have just come to understand I have Aspergers. After decades of being the weird one, and thinking perhaps I was insane or at least nuts, it's finale making sense. Nice to know there's others in my age group that have been there done that also.

[@eevie]

same age and just now finding what has always been wrong with me lol at least my life makes sense now....such a relief. I so appreciate this young lady and others who share their experiences.......they are helping so many. :)

[@Joy-uy4mq]

70 plus and its just making sense now for me too and diagnosed with social phobia depression anxiety PTSD just not fitting in etc etc. Trauma and Trouble in childhood then troubles in school trouble all my life really. This all makes sense to me now so thanks

[@einaskbadri2262]

I am sixty this month found out I am Aspergers 5 years ago. I have failed to get my drs to take me seriously... but after getting a Bipolar 2 diagnose, no one takes you seriously. I think Aspies with some talent or are gifted mange to be articulate to record videos or come on stage. We are not all have eventually got diagnosis and life started to make sense.

[@sashasasha9598]

My father had Asperger, I think he had it. He died at 62 years old from severe alcoholism. I am so sorry he never knew about it. If he did he would still be alive...

[@coloringwithd]

I cried watching this. I'm trying to get a diagnosis and my therapist says he doesn't think I'm Autistic. I'm 54 and for the first time in m life I feel like I'm home and comfortable.

[@anotherplanet5828]

Time for a new therapist. I’m 55f and looking for my dx too. If you are female, I suggest printing this list, checking off all your traits and symptoms and bringing it to a therapist who specializes in autism. the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

[@CeliaTyree]

Don't give that much credit to therapists. If It resonates with you and allevietes your suffering that's good enough.

[@monteclark1115]

Get a second opinion.

[@coloringwithd]

@@monteclark1115 Thank you, I'm working on getting one. Have a nice day ☺☺☺

[@lesliemontagne6797]

Agree with other writers! Please look into getting diagnosed at a center EXPERIENCE with Asperger’s. It could change your life!!

[@TalkingToLeedskalnin]

Took me ages to get it riddled out. Same story: Always bullied, high-functioning, hyperlexic, very superior intellect, untestable IQ, absolutely no friends whatsoever. Accomplishments break through the barriers that personality does not. People want to hear the things I have to say, but they tend to not like how I say it, lol. Awkwardly, and embarrassingly honest, I really appreciate this persons story. I call my own version of this on the spectrum as "Sherlock Syndrome."

[@daystar4909]

No worries my friend (yes we can be friends),.. I happen to have AS as well. and for the most part of my life (I'm 57 now) I felt lost in life! no real friends really, my goals we a skewed. and yet somehow I am still alive and healthy (Thank God). I am happily married in Germany with my wonderful wife Claudia. for 13 years now. Have a great day!

[@susies71]

Same story here.

[@marsol9405]

You've described me perfectly and I feel less alone. Thank you!

[@caracopland710]

Your funny- me too- I’m convinced I’m savant when I’m not rainman 😂 also- greetings from Keiss- 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌈✌🏻

[@edraith]

same here

[@portlandriley4648]

My family was so awful to me growing up . I now understand I'm an Aspie. They didn't deserve me, so I walked away from them 13 years ago.

[@ThomasDoubting5]

Same

[@ThomasDoubting5]

@@playgrounddolls7766 family should take care of all thier children theres no mistakes with neuro typicals they reject people that may make them look bad to thier peers including their own its.

[@nerdyali4154]

@@ThomasDoubting5 I would recommend dropping the attitude because it isn't going to get you anywhere lumping the vast majority of the planet into a box of stereotypes and it also makes the mistake of assuming that people on the spectrum aren't subject to exactly the same flawed behaviour.

[@s.devries2644]

How are you doing now? Hope well.

[@BusyBrainyBody]

Ditto. Online friends? I was horribly abused and it followed me into adulthood and now I’m trying to find support and friends

[@aspieaware7450]

I relate lots to this lady's story. Im a 50 year old male and was diagnosed Aspergers Syndrome at 46 yrs old. Ive been lost and alone all my life. Now I am stuck. I have good abilities, all wasted. I feel Ive wasted my life and I feel very sad, frustrated, angry. Ironic thing is, its taken all this time for me to understand my brain and the reasons behind so much struggling Ive gone through in life; and now that I wish to try and do something, my physical body has crashed (well it crashed many years ago) big time due to the constant effort and stress; followed by complete exhaustion. Catch 22 :/

[@heatherhopkins4529]

Ditto here.What part of the world are you from? ASpie Aware.

[@aspieaware7450]

Heather Hopkins Hello Heather, I am in UK.

[@playgrounddolls7766]

Aspie Aware me too feel I wasted best years in misunderstanding myself, hiding, copying others, not knowing my true skills so not choosing right work and way of life. Now at 40 - I want to be able get my life back. Live my life fully. Just want to figure out how. So I am writing you with idea - You said you are older and feel wasted life - give us a chance not to do it and escape it - write a book about it or open KZbin channel. You will get benefit, feel fulfilled and earning s for it. Try maybe.

[@Eristhenes]

Yup, in the same boat. I am about to turn 52 and am waiting for a formal diagnosis. I could have typed your comment myself. It is exactly how I feel.

[@tommygunhunter]

You don't owe anybody anything. All the struggles you have had make your life beautiful. Be thankful for everything you have gone through. Wear your pain and stress like a badge of honour. Be glad you are different to all those go-getters who are fully responsible for the mess of this world at the present time. 👍

[@thechristianaspie5824]

Yea, I found out and got a diagnosis at 30, now 33... Very confusing to grow up that way. Used alcohol just to go to daily social situations.

[@friedrichwilhelmvonsteuben7952]

Alcohol was unfortunately necessary for me as well if I wanted to interact with people.

[@SarahDale111]

I was dependant on alcohol, too, for 22 years. I am 2 weeks shy of a year sober. I don't know how to function "normally" without it. But I finally understand why I am as I am. 😕

[@sashasasha9598]

I resolved my alcohol problem with heroin and substitutional therapy for heroin...

[@sashasasha9598]

@@SarahDale111 Just keep being strong! Good luck!

[@jannacrimando1425]

I tried all kinds of drugs (prescribed and not prescribed) to try to cope and I didn't think it was autism until I realized nothing was working.

[@dkathrens77]

I self-diagnosed around age 58. 4 years later, I got a professional assessment. This is the missing puzzle piece (AS) that explains it all for me--it explains ME to anyone who wants to listen.

[@JacobMoen]

(Two years later . . . ) I self-diagnosed two weeks ago, at the age of 54. I dread the professional assessment process, but that's not really all that important, compared to the life-changing experience it is when suddenly everything makes sense :)

[@barbarakirk1451]

I can't cope with two voices talking at once as well!

[@s3wrs]

schizo

[@BeckBeckGo]

Speaking of which, the muttering in the background is making me buggy. It sounds like she's maybe at a combination conference and expo and there is other shit going on outside the conference room. Idk drives me nuts.

[@BeckBeckGo]

@@s3wrsright. Because actual speech doesn't exist. The only thing your comment insulted was your intelligence lol

[@pedjatrninic]

Same too...

[@whateverrrrrrrrr]

I want to listen to her speak more. I really enjoyed this.

[@Eristhenes]

Agreed.

[@unchartedwaters263]

I’m working at getting a diagnosis. I went 33 years trying and trying also. It helps to know I have an answer for the way I am. But I’m on the depression side of it now.

[@richardcarr1556]

I'm 31, and have recently come to the realization, after 10 years in the field of Psych. I can really relate to not having the "cold fish" presentation. I care about people. I like intimate touch, but I'm not very good at relating to people. I'm also hyperlexic.

[@coachwork]

Dr. Gabor Maté said that the ones who were picked on a lot in elementary school years end up finding out they have Asperger's.

[@BusyBrainyBody]

Love him.

[@guerlaingreyii2573]

Tell us more

[@mjcarollson2]

I've watched this at least 10 times because i've never had someone's words resonate so much with me. Thank you for posting this. Though I'm sad that anyone feels the way we do, it is good to know I am not alone after feeling that way for so, so long.

[@Mara-of-the-Acoma]

same

[@angelahammond6920]

She describes me to a tee.

[@stevealexander2649]

Wow that feels familiar, thankyou for sharing

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

Getting an official diagnosis really hard for females to do. Unfortunately there are biases in the medical and mental health professions that prevent women from receiving the correct diagnosis of ASD. Over the past 15 years I've been diagnosed - and TREATED for - Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar II Disorder, PTSD and more. Sadly these are all very common MIS-diagnoses for women on the spectrum. What worries me most about this is the medication we are prescribed for these disorders we do not have. What can we do about this??

[@TalkingDisability]

Thank you for sharing with us. We have a couple of links above that may give you a starting point.

[@Tadesan]

K's Thought Palace there are medications that can help but they are now considered dangerous "narcotics". The mental health community has seen dramatic success treating bipolar disorder schizophrenia and depression with medication. If you don't have one of those quick fixes they won't help you.

[@SarahDale111]

This was my experience, too. The meds were a nightmare.

[@lori4342]

dead on. we could make awareness union square park nyc

[@jaklumen]

I'm 44 years of age, and male. NO diagnosis. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and an extended family where women ruled the roost, period. How is it that I get to be a spe-shul loser? My maleness hasn't helped me a whit.

[@Juliee79]

I can relate to every word. I couldn’t hold down jobs and I struggled to stay in school, so much anxiety and I just wanted to run home. I stuck through them but I was always so anxious and wanted to run back home even though home wasn’t the most pleasant place with my parents who had major issues. My brother struggled similar to me but he became aggressive and attacked me in 2012. I now think he’s been misdiagnosed with BpD and bipolar, he had issues from age 2 with anxiety and severe shyness. He quit school at a young age and my parents still didn’t get him assessed. Our parents ignored our anxiety as too wrapped up in their fights and being shit parents. My mum didn’t even get my brother help when he was self harming, everything had to be hidden. She had major issues and again never got help as she didn’t believe in therapy or help. She just got the label depression and popped pills for it. I resent them so much but now at 41 I’m trying to learn about myself as I’ve completely burnt out the last 3 years with severe anxiety, panic attacks chronic fatigue syndrome, social phobia and agoraphobia. I now think my issues with anxiety all my life are because of autism. I drank from age 14 just to socialise and as an adult also to numb my anxiety every evening once my children were in bed. I stopped drinking 8 years ago as I realised I used it as a crutch and since then it all caught up on me and the last 3.5 years I’ve broken physically and mentally. I’ve been running away from anxiety all my life. Therapy after therapy, diagnosed with anxiety only. It all now makes sense.

[@moondogmcblackfoot]

The decompression period after my adult diagnosis was difficult. I get that about wasted time etc. What it would have been like if family/school would have known. Not treating me like I was rude or didn’t care. Make yourself sick trying to fit and getting punished for “not trying”.

[@francecieldaugust8171]

I'm crying .. I'm crying because I do know how hard you have tried.... I'm 74 and diagnosis was two years ago.. I'm so sorry you went through fire without any equipment .. without an aspie toolbox ... Like you, I wonder if things would have been different for me... Not sure because people with Aspergers seem to be just as misunderstood and unaccepted now as they were before there was information for all to read ... Seems to me that no one really cares unless they are family and directly affected in some way,, ,,,,,,,,, I learned to love myself by reading many books written by women with Aspergers ,,, I related to their struggles and loved them all for sharing their struggles with the rest of us that didn't have a voice .. I was so grateful for a diagnosis ... It was like a life raft.. It saved my self respect .. my dignity ... my heart ... I knew I was not lazy or slow or,,, the worst ,,, that I didn't care.. My hiding my reactions and thoughts and comments translated to many people that I just didn't have the feelings to care .. and they were 180 degrees wrong .......... I was so innocent .. I didn't get what was happening .. jokes went over my head .. Now I know I was fine ... the world I was born into was wonky... uncaring ... and willing to pass judgment on me without even asking me what happened or how I felt ... So much of what you said spoke directly to my soul... I'm happy you made this video.. You do a great service to your Sisters ........ Gentle hugs and much love ........... France

[@Flyingtaco82]

Yes, yes, and more yes! My heart goes out to this woman. I also became chronically ill and depressed from trying SO hard.

[@eryberrie]

I so feel this woman's pain. I'm 30 and starting the diagnostic process.

[@laurieford6373]

I was not diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome until I was 28. I had no idea what Asperger's Syndrome was. I graduated from high school, went 5 years never getting promoted at a job. I figured, all throughout school, that I was just one of those people who was better off alone. Loneliness hurts. It can put you out of touch with the world. People might think skills are enough to have a job, but they are not. Personality counts too, if you want to be successful at that job. Until I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I had NO IDEA ABOUT ANY OF THIS. No clue whatsoever. Then I realized why I was in classes for emotionally handicapped children all throughout school. They knew I was emotionally handicapped, but they didn't know the root cause of it, and neither did I. They had no idea why I had a blank look on my face, and most of the time I wasn't aware of it. It hurts to find out someone has a certain opinion about you, and you have no idea why, and it is scary to have feelings that you can't even verbalize

[@leannestrong1000]

I have Asperger Syndrome, and I used to HATE it when my teachers would think I was just being disrespectful, when maybe I was just frustrated, or didn't understand the situation, and didn't know how to get more information! I also hated when my teachers thought I was just being defiant or uncooperative, when really I just didn't understand the assignment or question! Especially because I was originally diagnosed at 2 1/2! My first Autism Spectrum diagnosis was PDD-NOS, and then I was rediagnosed with Asperger Syndrome when I was 15, almost 16. I also have trouble knowing when it's necessary to bend the rules (I was 17, almost 18, before anybody talked to me about that), and there have been times when that has led to conflicts with other people. For example, you know how, when we're, like, 4 or 5, our parents and teachers just say stuff like, "When somebody tells you not to do something, that means don't do it," or, "She doesn't like it, so don't do it," without going into detail about situations where you may have to do something even though the other person doesn't want it? And if you think about it, when you were that age, your parents and teachers did follow the 'rules' very precisely. If you tell them not to do something, they don't do it. If they know they have hurt your feelings, they say, "I'm sorry." Because they know that kids that age need that kind of consistency. But then, as you get older, they start to become a little more flexible with the rules. Well, one time in school (I think I was in 6th grade), a situation came up where my one to one aide had to do something, even though I had already told her I didn't like it. I thought she was breaking the rule, and that it was never ok to do anything that is 'against the rules!' I was REALLY NASTY to her after that! She would tell me to stop, she would get other adults who worked with me involved, and sometimes she would even tell my parents about my behavior! One time, in (I think it was 9th grade), one of my teachers said something to me that hurt my feelings. Later, when I told her that what she said hurt my feelings, she just explained why she said it. I thought she was breaking the rule, and that it was never ok to do anything that is 'against the rules.' I was VERY ANGRY with her for doing that! One time, during one of my speech sessions, during my senior year of high school (the year was almost done), the school speech therapist talked to me about 'bending' the rules, and how sometimes we may have to do that. After that, I realized that the people I had hurt weren't really breaking the rules-they were just bending the rules based on the situation. I realized that instead of being mean to people who do something that is not usually acceptable, I should ask them why they did it, or if they should be doing it. I realized that I should've asked my aide, "Why did you do that after I asked you not to?" And I should've gone to my teacher at a later time (maybe even as I was getting ready to go to my next class) and said something like, "Earlier, when I told you that what you said hurt my feelings, I noticed that I just got an explanation instead of an apology. Why was that?" I did an internship at a daycare center, and I was working to teach those kids to ask if they see someone do something they think is against the rules. We had one kid in our room who is going to be starting Kindergarten in the fall of 2014. So I especially made sure to work with her on what she should do, if she sees someone doing something she thinks is against the rules. Because maybe in that situation it's not against the rules.

[@playgrounddolls7766]

OMG probably now I understand why my son is so demanding and easily angry on me and I am often so sad and confused about it. I am breaking rules to his opinion and that's makes me less respectful in his eyes. He just doesn't understand is it and when it is acceptable for rule to be bent. Thank You for sharing Your experience. It can help me so much and my dear son.

[@prodigaldawtr7907]

I have run into the same problem others have already mentioned. As females, we are told by specialists we have depression or anxiety. I've been wondering about why I'm so different my whole life, and even having now had 3 autistic sons I still can not get my diagnosis of depression changed. I've pointed out to many a Dr. that I believe they are just treating the major symptom of my actual condition. I'm depressed _because_ I can't integrate into society. I'm not depressed, and that is stopping me from being typical. I've gone over the childhood hyperlexia, never being able to keep friends, not being able to recall names, or keep up in basic conversations, the clumsiness... The list goes on. It never matters. I get an antidepressant, and told to get out more.

[@adapederson6159]

I'm almost 57 and just now realizing I have a classic case of high functioning autism WOW!! Answers SO MANY questions!! Life has been extremely difficult struggling with this, not knowing what it's been, but a relief to now understand it! It's all good!! God's grace has been extremely wonderful!! ☺️

[@alysfreeman11]

I’m 60 and my GP spotted it, I had been asking my care coordinator to get me tested...Gp noticed I have Irlens syndrome and big relationship problems and no friends...it felt like I had been seen for ‘me’ for the first time.... I knew but to been seen is such a relief.

[@northyland1157]

I"m 52 and not trying to get a diagnosis, I now know who I am now, but didn't know for many years. Words on paper mean nothing to me, a diagnosis would mean nothing. I don't want to constantly play the victim card. Honestly most people don't give a crap, even if you tell them. But if you understand yourself you can develop strategies to deal with them.

[@michaelcarey4679]

Im 47 , but I can honestly recall of my childhood as survival , I am from a middle class home. Extreme abuse - ptsd owns my soul. it was so intense. They voted me out of their family when i was 12 i grew up on the streets. i was hungry and stole,i was sent to prison for 10 years, i got out and drove truck for the past 14 years raised 3 great kids,but ptsd its so painful and wont stop. i dont belong here sorry

[@leonardweinrich1075]

Ok, I really respect you for surviving a difficult life. I’m not sure of what you’re saying though. Could you elaborate a little?

[@JK-ek5jv]

Look into having a Dreamtime Healing using Holographic Kinetics session for your PTSD...they've had great success with it. There's still time to heal. 💓

[@IAMGiftbearer]

I can relate very much! When she said "stimming under the table" I nearly spit my ice water across the room, LOL!

[@agrotta1650]

Yup. The psychologist that diagnosed me was only familiar with men and children asd symptoms. I told her that i stim constantly, but the stimming I do is in my body, as in moving my muscles where it can't be seen, and i move them in an alternating pattern. I also "need" to even out things, line them up perfectly, but it's not just to line up cars🙄... it's like, getting something perfectly in line with the edge of the table or perfectly aligned (I pick my battles with that because I have debilitating ADD, to the point that it affects what I do and don't see/notice, in a dramatic way. So, perfect laundry is out of the question 😖 perfectly clean house is out of the question 😖). I call myself a 🥴 FRUSTRATED Perfectionist. I feel like I have two separate minds and abilities that totally contradict each other. The ADD verses the Perfectionist ASD, and the ADD one frustrates me to tears.

[@heartsmyfaceforever8140]

I was just diagnosed at 40. It explains all the ‘childlish’ meltdowns, why i always felt like my parents didn’t teach me something crucial I just couldn’t place… It feels good to have a diagnosis. I don’t feel like I’m missing something anymore.

[@thedruiddiaries6378]

Thank you Andee. I was diagnosed at 66. I understand the grief. That said, Im very grateful to know. Its essential for our health and wellbeing.

[@Runamokish]

This is the first time I have really been able to relate to somebody else's experience, particularly the sensory issue relating to noise and being easily distracted when multiple people are talking around me at the same time. I can also relate to really trying hard to overcome the various difficulties I have experienced in the workplace: relating to colleagues, understanding others' expectations of me and becoming overwhelmed by changes introduced to my role, which has led to my leaving or losing a number of jobs and resulting in serious mental health issues, even rendering me suicidal at times. One major difficulty is that in having to overcompensate to find employment in the first place and initially try and fit in, it exhausts me and I can't maintain the effort for long. I inevitably withdraw into myself which makes things difficult in several ways, leading to further issues within the workplace that in turn lead to increasing levels of anxiety and an all too familiar descent. I am now 49 years old and have been referred for an Asperger's assessment. I don't know if a positive diagnosis will be of any practical help at such a late stage in my life, but just knowing that there is a quantifiable reason for the difficulties I have experienced 'fitting in' will at least give me some answers. Of all the youtube video's uploaded by numerous people with asperger's, this is the first time I've been struck dumb with the recognition of my own situation in someone else's description of their problems. Thanks for sharing your experience, it has helped in some way.

[@MissionaryOnWheels]

I was an Aspie growing up- of course I still am but I reminded myself of Shrek, the ogre everyone seemed to run from until people got to know what a likable guy he was. I think our society is wrong on so many things. I believe God has made every person unique and we all have unsanded edges but hey, I have learned to just embrace who I am. Its actually served to my advantage in many ways! I am disorganized and have a hard time managing certain things but I have found some routines that actually help. Often times people with AS do seem odd but this does not mean they are not worth the effort getting to know. They have some great qualities

[@nates6157]

That's a good thought. I would think the same thing. I am on the spectrum and in God's eyes I'm a loving person. I shouldn't run from people, I should let my autism take over. I love shrek. Lol. Coolest DreamWorks animated film ever!!! Honestly sometimes I feel like Shrek.

[@MissionaryOnWheels]

+Nate S yes you are absolutely right, God makes us very special and he loves all he created

[@MissionaryOnWheels]

Don't beat yourself up, if it is not intentionally devisive or offensive or rude just be yourself. We all have unique personalities and that is what makes things interesting. I am not referring to character flaws which I know I probably have too many of but the AS traits in my opinion are not bad even if they are odd. If I went up and deliberately insulted someone, or lose my temper and say bad things, or fall into some other sin then that is what really bothers me about myself. The AS is just not the issue except for procrastination, and other annoyances that make life hard to manage. speaking of Will Ferrel, there was an article that mentioned he and Robbin Williams and Jim Carry may have it, but you never know

[@anniestafford8532]

I think it's really brave of her and really, really crucial that people (like myself age 26 still undiagnosed) hear this so that we can become self-aware sooner than later and stop blaming ourselves for not functioning the way people want us to all the time and learn how we work.

[@JoshuaAugustusBacigalupi]

Wow, that was really great. I've gone through my whole career "making other people look good", but I could never reap any of the benefits of my own creative work. Like Andee, I would go from one opportunity to the next laying my talents on the table to be used by other forces, only to be utterly exhausted, often feeling betrayed and used, after a year or so. Then, I'd take a year or more to recover and go at it again, trying so hard as Andee described. I just can't seem to string the little successes together into anything that makes sense to a neurotypical, let alone financially sustainable, even though they like what I do in small neurotypically scripted doses. I'm actually undiagnosed at 49. I appreciate her candid portrayal of receiving the diagnosis and how it was very hard but worth it. I, too, fear I've wasted my time trying to fit in. But, what else is one to do? Starting an art career at 50 is my new plan, probably the best and worst plan ever 8)

[@JebuIsuka]

37 now and only just figured out this year.... I can relate so hard to her feeling of mourning. But relieved that my entire life makes SO MUCH SENSE.

[@BreezeOnTheLake]

What this lady is saying is spot-on, very much most of my experience also. However, speaking of auditory processing disorder, I have that too, and so I found the constant tangle of voices speaking in the background of this very video a struggle to cope with! But aside from that, this is excellent.

[@OrthodoxChristian809]

She describes the experience so well. I can totally relate.

[@TentoesMe]

Even the counselor says, "You're just not trying hard enough."

[@judyd6414]

Torby4019 get a therapist who understands Autism!! Ask them up front!

[@AD-cc7bj]

counsellors are useless

[@mmegraham]

"Waste of skin"? Golly, I hope you never had that said to you, Andee. And if you did, I hope you now know that that person was horribly wrong. Some of us older-diagnosed adults need to take time to mourn their 'lost' years that happened before understanding their neurology. You're worthy of being deeply loved and truly appreciated.

[@BusyBrainyBody]

Hi. I have Asperger’s syndrome. Never told anyone til 37. I’ve known inside for a while and couldn’t bring myself to tell people. I was horribly abused growing up and then as an adult and facing the fact I believe I was abused because people believed I was a “bad person” who deserved it really upsets me. Seeking support and friends

[@AutomaticDuck300]

I was abused too. It’s an awful existence. Really messed me up for the worse. I also have bipolar disorder and life is just pain. Constant pain.

[@borealpatriot1502]

I hear ya, sister. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 55.

[@sashasasha9598]

I am 34 and I am not diagnozed yet... I have Asperger for sure, I knew it when I first heard about it few months ago... I am opiate addict now, my life was soo hard and I never could understand why I feel like I just can't indentify with other people... I was hyperlexic too, but with adhd and very bad social anxiety. I have every symptom there is for Asperger... I wasted my youth too... I could have been a doctor, psychologist, fashion model, dancer, photographer or painter because of my talents and my looks... I am just an addict now who works a job for wich I am prequalifide, but it is easier for me since I do not have to be among people so there is no much stress.... Sorry for my english... Good luck all of you who are looking for diagnoze!

[@PaulineLovesPhysics]

I'm suspected of having autism (I'm going to go through the diagnostic process.) and recently discovered I have auditory processing disorder. I'm 24, and struggle in classes outside of my major (math&physics.) very embarrassing.

[@sarahsmitg7923]

I wonder if being diagnosed late has helped me, because if you're told there's nothing wrong with you then you have no excuse to not do things and have to force yourself to be normal, but if I was diagnosed earlier I would have excuses to not do things. The only bad thing was having to sit through hours of useless cognitive therapy for anxiety, where they were telling me it was my fault I was sometimes anxious, saying I wasn't doing the breathing exercises and things

[@51elephantchang]

Cognitive therapy is useless for aspies I agree.

[@sodapop81]

It's helped this one.

[@Nature_Gal1111]

CBT is lame generally

[@charesshlarraga7420]

Amazing! Truly relatable! Thank you so much! Masters Degree in SPED and was never taught anything much about Autism spectrum; only the basic that is promoted by main stream, as you described. Extremely educational.Thank you!

[@agrotta1650]

Yup. The basic male centered talking points are so boring. I can't relate to all of them because they only describe the part of the spectrum that are obvious since childhood and don't consider the Much more subtle and Different forms of the typical symptoms.

[@katiec6289]

I wished I would have come across this video sooner. I started crying at the part when you said you have auditory processing as well. I was diagnosed with that in the 2nd grade (I'm now 38) and I always felt like I was different and like I couldn't do anything right. I got an art degree and I'm now not doing anything with it and I feel like I've let my family down and I know that I am smart! I had my suspicions of being Aspergers (or now as it is called "being on the autism spectrum") but I never acted upon them because I was afraid and thought nothing would become of it and I was told I don't have it by my mother (I feel she either doesn't know about women with aspergers or feels guilty about it). I had to shorten my thoughts because there's so much that mirrors this that I should be telling a doctor and will be calling one soon. Thank you for sharing this with us. This has helped me finally take the steps to figuring out or at least find out what is wrong. :)

[@lotstolearn5350]

Katie Crawford : Doctors will only put you on medications. Do your own research. Start here on YT & branch out.

[@roycarder6179]

This is the most sensible voice I've heard on the subject ...I relate t this lady ...credit to her for putting out this message .

[@damianmoore8147]

So honest and brave

[@nigelbaldwin752]

The trauma that can occur following late diagnosis is underestimated. For a diagnosis the persons functioning covering the triad of impairments must be present and endured throughout life. It is therefore likely the individual has developed poor mental health. My diagnosis at 58 has bought insight but the grieving for why my life has been so hard, failed relationships, career leading to near total isolation and poor physical health has left me wishing could press a button to end it all. In the uk there is no real support following diagnosis, i suspect the suicide rate is very high. Many people who are self diagnosing may be doing it in desperation as they identify with aspects of autism, unfortunately many mental health illnesses will present the same and a diagnosis needs to come from a highly qualified and experienced clinician , autism is still poorly understood but this ladies experience is only too common. The lady here puts things over very well and is a very strong person who deserves admiration for the effort and determination here life has required.

[@c.laviniamulholland585]

Andee,I just want to thank you so much for speakingb like this.Ive watched and cried with recognition.You are so right re.women in particular.My daughter is 22 and we have just realised she has As and dyspraxia,ive just been toldi am dyspraxic and now see I have been struggling with AS undiagnosed all my life.I am 48. Unsure whether to get a diagnosis. I cant thank you enough,I think your brave and amazing.xxx

[@thesandhaus9689]

Thanks for sharing this. This embarrassment that comes with being yourself does lead to masking skills. She describes so much that I live with as daily social issues.

[@elikai]

I have had „a feeling“ since I first heard of that condition. Then, in 2015/16 I attended job coaching sessions with an acquaintance psychologist. His „feedback“ on that issue was: „You can’t have Aspergers, you cry too much!“ So I went undiagnosed for five more years….

[@FriendOfChrist]

"And they ripped it apart like crazed weasels." Yup, that sums up writers' groups. What a well spoken advocate for those on the spectrum. I tried pointing out recently that a child I was observing was most likely on the spectrum. I was bashed and flogged mercilessly. I was trying to help the child, but the parents and supporters of the family didn't want to hear it.

[@DiAllinson]

Oh my gosh, this brought me to tears. I'm 52 and awaiting assessment. Andee's experience resonates with me so much. My life has followed just such a similar path. This video is 10 years old, I hope Andee has found ways of making herself feel better about life, and I'd love to know if she has a KZbin channel herself.

[@mrwess1927]

Good luck friend

[@markwaldonjohnson]

I think I might have Asperger. I know I act differently or “strange”. I really care about people but don’t think i show it properly. I also feel for them so much but it just doesn’t come out properly. I don’t always get things until after a situation is well over and then I’ll realise what the person was getting at. Or if someone is being sarcastic I’ll have to think about how they just interacted with me and try to decide wether they were being nice or sarcastic. I also isolate myself so much. Want to just hide away where I feel “ safe”” but all the while I’m thinking I should visit my friends or family members. I’m so tired of not understanding what’s wrong with me guys. Is there a sure way to find out? Hope I made sense. Thanks.

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

Books: Attached, by Amir Levine ( i recomend it, because there are probably other things you should consider to know. Tony Attwood books about asperger. Online personality tests, asperger tests, ADHD, ADD, OCD, ODD, The Meyer Briggs personality tests, HSP questionaire, tests of all kind and sorts, IQ tests... to fill in and bring it to a psychiatrist, who knows about all this tests! A team of specialists will test you. It costs money, but then it is official too! Dr. Amen has some good tests... See as much youtube video's about asperger as possible. Bless you.

[@jojozepofthejungle2655]

Feeling like an alien in company Having to mask at all times unless alone or with pets. People wear you out Eating the same thing over and never getting tired of it Feeling like a fake person Get along with animals better than humans Panic when put out of routine When disturbed whilst engrossed in a project :you can't just go back to it. Feel smarter than everyone This is autism.

[@Nature_Gal1111]

🎯 all me

[@missydavis6678]

I LOVE the WAY she said this. I like WHAT she said.

[@stuartrushworth5487]

I was diagnosed at age 37. I had that same feeling that I had been robbed. But these days I feel some relief that my low involvement in the world helped me avoid people who might have meant me harm, although I did not avoid all of them. I write fiction too.

[@traceyadixon]

For anyone who has the same auditory processing issues, I truly believe that King-Kopetzky Syndrome is one of the co-morbidities (or more likely just another aspect of) autism. I've been for hearing tests, and they've all said there's nothing wrong, but I can't follow a conversation if there's any other talking or background noise that clashes with it. I now choose to have the subtitles on TV because it makes it so much easier to enjoy a programme! :)

[@1otonhammer38]

39, and just got a diagnosis. It took a pretty great dr to finally catch it. This video hurts my heart because I know how difficult it's been. God bless you.

[@vera_nika2]

life changing video. i admire her for coming out

[@onetoughchick78]

I'm 40 and self diagnosed as of 2 months ago. A lot of what this lady says rings true for me and reminds me of things i struggle with.

[@19irving]

I'm 54 and am 99% sure I have Asperger's, which I have suspected for the past 10 years. But I don't have insurance and have never been formally tested. I would like to if that situation changes.

[@NeurodivergentRebel]

So glad to know the truth finally.

[@MissionaryOnWheels]

Thanks for posting Mam, although I do not know your name I want to just say your not a waiste of skin friend. I think social norms sometimes are wrong anyhow. Its one thing try to be kind courteous and respectful and a whole nother thing to be compressed into a coursette of social norms- Im friendly to a fault but does not mean it is wrong or should change. Some people are taken aback by my socially extrovertive advances, but they are those of good will.

[@AWalkingHat]

I can relate to a lot of this. Especially the part about being unable to make the relationships that matter the most to you work. Depression over disappointments, a struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder and the frustration of my efforts never being good enough was what led me to discover I have Asperger's. I had been able to hide it until now. I'm a 36-years-old female. The happiest years of my life were my fourteenth and fifteenth years. I now understand why. My mother had forced me to play the piano since I was three, but allowed me to choose if I wanted to stop at that point. Removing that burden from my life gave me the freedom to invest time into things and interests I truly cared about. I also attended a multi-ethnic high school where I often was the only white girl in my class. I couldn't have fit into the mold, even if I'd have wanted to. I couldn't change my skin colour or my culture. I accepted my difference and tried to develop my own sense of cultural identity. I'd managed to befriend a few nerds and loners at that school. I maintained a good connection with my childhood friends. Puberty was also complete for me, so that was another relief (I've always had a fear of body changes). Things got more complicated later, but those two years were bliss.

[@caracopland710]

She’s hilarious, interesting and great to listen to ❤

[@dustyscribe8397]

Did she ever publish her book? I want to read it. It sounds awesome.

[@smirkinatu5512]

Thank you for recording and posting this educational video.

[@candice2875]

When you need to say “you know” and “ I mean” a 100 times a minute just to make sure people somewhat understand you. Couldn’t relate more.

[@hanoradoyle5122]

You're talking about me too I'm 66 Irish and living here in Ireland ,I've built a wall around myself and now I know why 😂😂

[@softcat2004]

This is the best account I've found of late diagnosis sicne I got diagnosed out of the blue. I was 35. It's so shameful to be bad at social stuff when you are a woman. Getting diagnosed in your 20s doesn't sound as bad, it gets so much worse as you get older because people start to expect *even more* of you... Plus all that bullying grinds you down. And if people have high expectations because of vocabulary and intelligence, imagine what you tell yourself when you fail, if all you hear from everyone else is how capable you are, what's your excuse for failing so hard... Mind you my dad is too, and he was 67 when he realised. Still think it's worse and more shameful for women.

[@beckysue7789]

Hi, Just happen to come accross symptoms. I'm a loner, socially uncomfortable etc. And the latest , recently blind in one eye.

[@goodgravy3047]

Thank you for being brave and sharing your experience. Life isn't fair.

[@lynndailey665]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am 57 and there are so many things I can relate to.

[@leahmcconnell9685]

Andee did a great job explaining this. So unfortunate that so many (especially women) are not diagnosed earlier. Yet another item that needs an upgrade in our health system.

[@bethklobuchar-mendez495]

Thank you for sharing your story! I am working with a young lady who has just discovered her own diagnosis with Aspergers and she is 24 years old. I only hope we can regain her confidence and happiness in life, while learning how to deal with Aspergers.

[@condrekoepfgen10]

so agree with yo u

[@audhdcreativity5899]

I have been on a journey, forced by extremely bad health, that has taken me through many self-diagnosis'- from adrenal burn-out/PTSD, hypo-thyroid, nightshade allergy, celiac's disease and possible dairy allergy as well. Then came another breakthrough, almost channeled, that I have Asperger's. I have truly suffered since childhood to figure out this being human, and thought I just had the depression and anxiety disorder I was diagnosed with. But the descriptions/lists/categories of tge characteristics of female Aspies are like a mirror into my world. I am at once devastated and relieved. I am 46 and about to seek a professional diagnosis. Thank you for sharing your experience. You have a lot to give ♡ you will work out a way to thrive- knowledge is power!

[@theresedignard4267]

Great speaker. Especially well focused given such a rude chatty audience. Bad room acoustics and audience for a person with Auditory Processing Disorder. I can imagine how physically and emotionally exhausted she was when done. Sending her a virtual hug.

[@TB-pu9kq]

Discovering what aspergers was has given words to all of these things and has been a God send. I had a similar experience after discovering my diagnosis.

[@wendee9177]

Great insight on one's perspective. Thank you to the individual in the video.

[@AG-nr3me]

I just wanted to add my voice to the others thanking your for this video. Much of this resonates with my own experiences and observations of my mother though neither of us has ever seen anyone about autism or Asperger's.

[@TokyoShemp]

I wasn't weird or bullied. I did hit the brick wall at 34. Until then, I was still on track. I never got a comorbidity unless social anxiety is included. My anxiety just feels like a part of the Asperger's. I had ruts after 34, but no permanent damage of the psyche. Now that I know what's going on, I am 100% confident and much more in control. If I have a meltdown, no one will see it or it'll be somewhat classy in schtick presentation or very rare. I think society needs to change, not the Aspies.

[@allisonschempf2230]

Once I knew what was actually going on after years of struggling, I was finally able to accept myself.

[@HumanimalChannel]

wow I loved listening to you speak andee. I relate a lot especially to the organisation of a safe future. I just feel like I've never reached those usual marks others seem to be able to strive for and achieve. I have at one poi t held a job for 6 years but it was extremely stressful and after finally gaining some silence of a career it went down the toilet. I have lost everything and it's a struggle yet I am stuck in the froze state alot too, where I'm too numb after being too exhausted. I'm 47 female and don't have a diagnosis but after much self testing and research and of course knowing the history of my life from start to finish I strongly identify as having aspergers. in Australia it costs between 1200 - 1700 for a diagnosis. I'm not sure I want that on my records but as per your decision for funding application it sure could help to be able to receive assistance of some sort through our NDIS - national disability insurance scheme. obv I don't have the money and also need whatever I may be able to earn in future to get back to my home country. very tired of just keeping going. constantly misunderstood and losing friends or letting friendships go by the wayside. sorry bit of a ramble.

[@HunnieBunnyetc.]

Thank you for sharing. I just discovered this at 50. I truly relate. You are enough 💜

[@CrystalMouse1]

I’m an award-winning singer who fails auditions in adulthood due to my lack of “stage presence “. I’m the highly gifted, disabled person nowadays due to decades of abuse and trauma. Just came out as bisexual and Non-binary before the lockdown.I’m also ADD and with fibromyalgia, bulimia and Chronic fatigue. I know I missed so much

[@johnsimun6533]

I am self diagnosed at 40 years old. I have struggled through out my time on this world. I have also figured out what type of family that I have, the family that raised me. I got recommended videos about gaslighting, and other similar subjects. I was living 90% of my life in a delusional world where I, made excuses for why family done what they do. Love is not blind because wrong is not seen, but it is blind because they make excuses for the ones who they love. What happens when you realize that the love, that you have given, for so long. Is not given to you. What happens when you look back only to see, that it never was gave to you? Even when you compare the “love” that was gave to you, with to love gave to others besides you siblings, others relatives, anyone else that that person/people has gave to anyone else that was/is in the same position as you? At what percentage similar occurrences, do you accept as being fair, right. Loved. People make mistakes, so at what point should someone who “loves” you go through when, you determine that there is a gap in which treatment is dealt. What if the gap was in the beginning, and what about the detriment that you have today, and if another has benefited greatly when maybe their situation might not have called for as much. What about if you don’t have a problem at all windows the benefit that anyone else received, not that you have a indifference to their situation, but you fully agree with what and how they benefited, but you are in a position that is not ideal, not anything positive or happy, while you know that you have been, and you should be now. Except that nobody listens and somehow a term, narcissists, is what people who you loved your whole life, and that periodically tell you that they “love” you. While they spend the rest of the time, threatening you, blaming you, and explain things that are backwards, then when you explain what makes it backwards. They holler and blame you for something (project), and “don’t deal with it”. What happens when they are projecting upon you, and you go to explain that it is not true, and why, and include that they are projecting, their faults and the faults of the loved ones, on you. What if you did not need too many people, and you invested your time finances and everything with the person/people that you loved? Now, you don’t have anymore to give, yet they demand more than ever? When she said about how she realized her age and how she could not retrieve her youth, and how financially she is not secure presently. I am with you, only darker. If a group works together, the math shows that for a given total, that it would be completed quicker, and how when adding to working individuals are added that the work is decreasing as growth happens. Buying in bulk saves, along with the savings increases with the amount being bought. Someone needs to start a group where we can lean on others like us, and then we can learn, and the ones that know and understand what we are missing, could support us. This sounds like a X Man movie. Aspies the ignorant will see. In theaters 0/0/0000 near you. Aspies let’s reject their ignorance and correct them, with the explanation, and the truth. Then we can explain what makes us true, and then we can show them that their actions and choices are going to rip everything around them apart and then they are going to cause more trouble and that the wi… that is a extremely extremely long move title. For real, there is ones that was loved and gave what they wanted and needed, and there is others that have suffered our whole lives and didn’t know why. Special needs children are difficult. For they require so much, just to keep them to “normal” levels, or close enough as possible. As smart and capable that the gifted children are, it seems like they would be easier to raise. That is false. The truth is that gifted children are as difficult as special needs children are to raise. Only for the opposite reasons. I agree that as Aspies that there are definite attributes that are detrimental, and others that are extremely beneficial. But if our talents are highlighted, and any questions are answered and explained to where, why, and how. Then we could have been placed in the position that we could have been a valuable person within a company, group, and anywhere else that we ended up in. We would have continued to have people that we could trust around us and that would look out for our shortcomings, and allow us to prosper through our lives. Sorry, good night

[@liz-marie4224]

It make me så sad how we talk down to our self... You are an awesome person and beautiful in and out. You can still då what you dream of and become the one you wish for....it is never to late...we all have magical talents that needs to be seen! God Luck, all my love. Mia

[@robertjmccabe]

Omg this is exactly me. Everything (including the depression). I went my whole life thinking i was defective.

[@harison548]

I hope you are doing ok. This is as informative as any of the the current youtube or tiktoks. They told me to, "Just buckle down".

[@MrPorpington]

Oh my god. You just largely recited my entire life back to me. I was beginning to become certain I had Asperger’s but after this, I’m not just convinced, but I feel like an oblivious dunce for not realizing it sooner. This is terrifying. But I think I have the answer to everything I ever questioned about myself. Like, going back to childhood.

[@jamiejohnson973]

Thanks for sharing what you have gone thru, I have not been diagnosed yet, I have been watching vuds about this and I have a lot of the symptoms or habits that adults with this have. I have sight problems can't handle certain noises and once in a while if I really get stressed I will flip my hands in the air and say aloud oh no what do I do. Only once or twice in past ten years has thus happened and I'm now 58 years old. I've had special needs help since grade school and in high school and he. College. I can't work more than part time it stresses me to where can't think clear and then nesss up left and right. I don't like bug crowds and can't stand going to a store and not being abkevyo have my space to walk it freaks me out. I have a neuro psych doc I recently went to and an sure when get my results they will say asvergers you have it. Am smart just don't know how to apply certain things like how can I make more money when I can't work more hours. It's frustrating I've had to live in a trailer near fam so have gelo when need it and recently was diagnosed as blind, have central vision loss and retinal dystrophy. Can't see outside without sunglasses us a white blur can't see anything without them. I'm getting helo from the government so hopefully I'll get what I need to help me do better in life as in being able to financially make it which am nit doing so well right now am struggling to make ends meet.

[@gaylegreene]

Thank you for sharing. This is so eye opening for me. You are helping us so much more than you realize ❤

[@shirley7777]

This woman is me. Diagnosed at age 58. I went through a long period of regretting what might have been had I understood this earlier. But no more, because I have come to realize that the best years of my life are happening right now, and I no longer have time waste looking back. For the first time in my life, I am actually setting goals and achieving them. When that starts to happen, regret becomes irrelevant.

[@alicewong9935]

That’s crazy that she just told you that after 10 minutes. I self diagnosed myself at 24.

[@joan3891]

Live your best life now dear girl!

[@SB_McCollum]

Beautiful interview

[@amusicalheart7]

This is exactly what I've lived with my entire life. I was diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome at age 6 but there's so so so many other AS issues that characterize me. Thank you.