Can a Narcissist Be a Nice Guy ? | Dr. David Hawkins

[@lisap2947]

My husband presents one way in public and very different behind close doors. Behaviour he would not want his friends and co workers to witness.

[@Know_Thy_Salt]

You have my empathy and I am so sorry you’re experiencing this turmoil. My husband doesn’t very good at shifting his persona in private vs public. Other than my therapist, no one really knows who he truly is behind closed doors. And there’s almost no one who knows him outside of our home who would even believe the emotionally abusive and controlling monster he has been over the last seventeen years.

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@Know_Thy_Salt I’m so sorry

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@lisap2947 mine too. I’m very sorry, and can relate to your pain

[@MB-sg8dx]

Lots of good points. My husband DOES play the part of “nicest guy in the world” to others while being distant and diminishing to me at home but one thing I’m learning is that there is no cookie cutter; they all have their own individualized approach to their narcissism

[@irinaivanovic9792]

This is precisely it. 💯

[@Nina-w7m8q]

Yes, the vulnerable or covert narc is super sneaky and manipulative. They will do anything to appear nice to strangers/outsiders, but are horrible to their family. They usually have zero insight into themselves and zero interest in therapy - calling it a "scam."

[@justmontina]

7:30 I think this is so important for the person dealing with the narcissist and the narcissistic abuse. If they don’t want to change, invest in counseling or figure out how to deal with them or walk away because it’s exhausting to endure this type of behavior day in and day out.

[@ipaycloseattention]

Mine has no friends, only acquaintances he's known for a long time. But he is so superficially charming. And it takes a long time to see through that that that's all he is. It takes a long time to realize that any connection you have with him is very shallow. There's no "there" there. But because he has no one close to him, only I see it. And everyone else in his life thinks he's a great guy. But behind closed doors, hebstonewalls, gas lights, plays the martyr, and is very passive aggressive about everything. And every problem we have as a couple, is only a problem because I have a problem with it. According to him he's blissfully happy in his life, and I just need to be as happy as he is. I just need to stop dwelling on the negative. But to him, anything other than full-on praise is being negative.

[@sandyhenry3238]

Yes, they can ACT as a nice guy for as long as they feel necessary

[@kingdomkindred9503]

In my personal opinion narcissism is much like codependency, it's very complex and it's not a "one size fits all"

[@lisap2947]

Jackical and Hyde, that is what narcism behaves like. It’s like two separate people

[@robertathompsonzellmer2027]

Of course they are nice in the beginning, that is how they get their claws into another. However it does not last long. They then will only be nice when they need attention and affection.

[@sadie45]

Mine was only when he wanted sex

[@kh5603]

YUP! or when you're stuck in the abusive/trauma bond/discard cycle w/them and re-start the lovebomb/hoover/nice act until something hurtful comes up again (usually the same crap) and they can't take responsibility/can't apologize...its just becomes an onion layer of pain/hurt/unresolved issues that never get fully addressed (apparently you can't get true closure from them and I've found this to be true after 6 years of this chaos)

[@MayuriPatel-iw5xo]

Omg! Oppositional antagonistic hostile!! Yes that’s my experience.

[@saramichael3837]

My experience is that they have dual personas they are one way with the closest people to them and another way with the outside world and that explains why they have no close friends because when you get too close you see the duality.

[@MayuriPatel-iw5xo]

I am amazed when I bump into people on the street and their warm response to the narcissist standing next to me. There are other intersects too in the mix in my case. - Older white man educated and posh moneyed. To abuse and oppress.

[@JoanneBurton-he8fs]

I’d say that description was spot on!

[@Nina-w7m8q]

I would go as far to say the covert love bombs strangers who they think can somehow benefit them - use gift giving as leverage later on to get something they want. It's truly mind-blowing because you realize they did it to you, too!

[@michaelmcinerney8040]

Their cant be a different persective. Different people but all the exact same behaviors/ patterns. It doeant change and neither do they

[@sandyhenry3238]

Mine was shy and unsure of himself when we met 27yrs ago. I saw so much in him I fed the ego and he became more out going but it is more arrogant. He is Covert and will be quiet and a watcher until he thinks he has everyone pegged. I was out going and last 5yrs he will tell me how dumb I look when I am talking to others and made me feel uncomfortable talking to ppl. He locked me away at home not letting me do stuff and kept my allowance to only enough to buy nessasaties cause I was a stay at home mom.. So low that I couldn't afford to meet a friend for lunch so my communication did suffer I knew it but, he made it sound so much worse that I felt uncomfortable talking to ppl. I'd lay in bed and think did I look foolish? He got in my head bad. Public shy then arrogant at home shouting me down at every turn.

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

But is it a nariccisst or just someone who hates you? I couldn't tell the difference because the symptoms are so similiar.

[@insanity09100]

Being on the Autistic spectrum has nothing to do with being a narcissist. Autistic people can be damaged by Narcissist. Sure they can be narcissists but not because they are Autistic.

[@Kitten_Mittons]

😅 omgg this kind is my ex