Can narcissists change?

[@bepresent_reflect8]

I do have empathy for my husband's unfortunate childhood, but that isn't an excuse to mistreat me.

[@CM-sm2pk]

Amen

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

I can relate. A lot of people with troubled childhoods aren't narcissistic. I honestly think that they are just wicked individuals.

[@anonymousanomaly9538]

We can have compassion, but being their doormats won't help them, so it's a rather moot point because that they're not amenable to change.

[@buckwheat_flower]

Exactly!

[@shalinikanth9554]

Absolutely......

[@elinatuominen8264]

I really really really wanted to be the person who'd fix him with my pure love but that was impossible and it totally broke me. Now I'm picking up the pieces again and learning to love myself ❤️

[@englishpro759]

I hope you will learn to not try to fix anyone in your life. We are not here to fix anyone. We are here to share.

[@elinatuominen8264]

@@englishpro759 ❤️

[@peacefaith560]

you cant fix whats broken, they are broken, hurt, lost souls!! give them over to GOD and you start your healing!!

[@elinatuominen8264]

@@peacefaith560 ❤️

[@Brightestlightt]

You can do it💪

[@homechiq]

i stayed because i believed he will change, i left because i realized he never will... ❤️

[@colleendaniels6884]

This is my story. I am so blessed my eyes were open, only sorry it took 24 years but better late than never!!

[@nancykelly9712]

I swear they get meaner and meaner when they know the end is near.

[@colleendaniels6884]

@@nancykelly9712 yes they know when the end is near because they study us and they can tell when we start to respond differently. I didn’t realize that’s what was happening until I went through the gaslighting workshop with Dr. Ramani and watched a lot of her videos.

[@dominques.c.4237]

Took me 5 months

[@wendyhannan2454]

@@dominques.c.4237 Your smart, good for you, it takes years for some people, even decades 😉

[@annmccafferty6749]

Loving a narcissist can be extremely difficult because you cannot truly trust them with your vulnerability. One minute they are kind, the next they are cruel. Thank you Dr. Ramani!! As always, you are spot on!

[@Punisher1981]

💯

[@sigia5352]

Changing needs for them to take accountability and narcs will never take responsibility for anything...

[@sherriflemming3218]

Absolutely. Their behaviors are concrete.

[@NikaAInéZvieratá]

Bullshit

[@ruelpile]

I had a childhood that prompted narcissism within me. And for most of my life I was horribly narcissistic. I did not care about anyone other than myself. I was a horrible husband and father. It wasn’t until I ran into someone that I fell in love with who happened to be as narcissistic as me. OMG I finally felt the pain that had inflicted to everyone in my life. And I finally started to care about learning about myself. This is what started me on the path to change. I am so much more mindful to others’ feelings and emotions. So I do respectfully disagree-if a narcissist wants to change it is actually possible. And it definitely is worth doing the work. I am still working on myself but I am not the same person I was before I started to understand the harm I was causing.

[@lucianaromulus1408]

Great comment. Idk if I can stay with a narcissist, I really tried and feel for him ...life has been cruel to him but he's cruel to me and it's just miserable. Do you have any tips on how to at least try to help a narcissist?

[@ruelpile]

@@lucianaromulus1408 They have to want to change themselves and be open to learning and growing. If they don't want to change on their own, they will never change.

[@lucianaromulus1408]

@@ruelpile what usually makes them want to change or should I just give up

[@ruelpile]

@@ventana6588 I think narcissism is on a spectrum. If I'm being honest with myself I can admit that I typically never cared about anyone other than myself. I never cared about how much I hurt them or how my actions would affect them. I was cold and only cared about myself. I'm just glad that I've had this evolution towards wanting to change. I could see how my relationships never lasted and looked at myself as the root cause of my failed relationships, including the one I had with my son. That's why I think it is possible for someone to change from being a narcissist into someone that does see the other side of an argument, and to put themselves into their shoes. For me, it took a lot of pain to finally start this evolution. I kind of knew in the back of my mind that I was the cause of my failed interactions but never did anything about it until I met and lost someone that truly cared about. She is a narcissist and I could very clearly see that she did the same things I did and I hoped that she could see my perspective, as I was asking for us to both start looking at each other as partners in the relationship. Like I said. You not only have to want to change, you have to believe that you need to change. Unfortunately, you can't make someone change. They have to do it on their own for it to be a genuine and lasting change.

[@ruelpile]

@@lucianaromulus1408 Personally, I think "giving up" is the wrong way to look at things. I feel like you have to care about you. You have to move on and grow from your experience, no mater what happens in the future. Grow as a person. Do things that make you happy and fulfilled in life. Learn a new language, paint, learn how to play an instrument, engage in deeper conversations about life/love with your friends. Grow closer to your family and friends. Ask more engaging questions about their lives, really get to know the people that you love. And if you do al of these things, does that mean you'll never feel pain and hurt again? No -- but you will be better prepared for it and you'll have more strength to see you through it. You move on because there is no alternative. You can only control what you do in life. And that's all you need to know because when you realize that you are in control of you -- you will see that you are the source of the pain you feel because you're allowing yourself to dwell in the past. If someone chooses to not be in your life, then you are better off without them in your life. Gain strength in knowing that you can do so much with your life. You have the power to control your feelings and to focus on getting meaning back into your life. Love your friends and family and you will learn how to love yourself. And I know it's easier said than done but if you can just start from this one thought and try to apply it minute to minute, and then hour to hour, and then day to day, and then week to week, and then month to month, and then year to year... for the rest of your life. You will be a truly happy person.

[@safebet3953]

They NEVER change, it’s their daily bread. Live it, eat it and love it, they feed off pain.

[@michelin5182]

But you can change, don't react on their manipulation if you can't leave from him/her . I can tell you from my experience it's too long belive me more than 20 years, I am still in and I live with him still.But if you have chance live and don't turn your head .

[@safebet3953]

@@michelin5182 definitely right and when you do you become the bad person. Totally ignore him/her, thank you for that.

[@foxleyleon]

True they may never change, but we aren't naturally born into this world with the Narcissist disorder. How can we replicate birth or more specifically a re-birth. It is intriguing to ponder what type of experience a Vampire will have during a rude DMT trip, Ayahuasca/peyote. Think about it.

[@nancyswass119]

Yes. and HAPPY TO BE THAT WAY. Thats the diff

[@dallimamma]

@@foxleyleon ::: Because of complications and stress during pregnancy, the brain may even be wired differently in the womb; that's why it's so hard to "fix"?

[@harremsis]

Nietzsche had a point when he said: Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.

[@LSMH528Hz]

"hope in reality" kinda puzzles me, aren't we in "reality" right now ? Are there alternate realities ? Can we even go there ? hahaha, it does sound like Nietzsche. 👍 Also like quantum mechanics or something.

[@harremsis]

@@LSMH528Hz I think he meant "hope really is the worst..." - probably not the best translation from the original German.

[@MsMorenaTv]

LoneSentryMusicHall hope in reality… not dreams, or day dreaming but actually thinking something you can do or not do will change another person, smh same this as saying “really” read to comprehend or understand instead of reading word for word. It really shouldn’t have been that hard to grasp.

[@redefinedliving5974]

if youre hoping for the wrong things. it's also the most beautiful, tbh

[@normanleach5427]

Then again, it was Fred's take on things.

[@webeducation]

Exactly how I got stuck. By believing anything and everything was possible.

[@fleshybits]

Same. I suppose the thing within that is understanding the percentage of narc... Like Are they self/centered or selfish? Do they have narc traits? Are they a narcissist? Do they have npd?

[@hagerramzy5746]

Same 😶🤚

[@daghettogandhi8746]

I never got stuck. Once I left my mom I told myself I'd never go back to another narcissist in my life. I know my mom can't be anyone but a fake weirdo so if my own mom stuck, I counted everyone else out...

[@chargennaro976]

Yes unfortunately stop the Romani does say that there is no changing the narcissist personality disorder but she did mention that there could be Improvement. I am a Christian woman that believes all things are possible with Jesus Christ and maybe not in this lifetime will they be able to change their personality but if they are a believer in Jesus and can repent of the sins that they remember then who's to say that the judgment will not be for them to be in eternity and that is where the change will come

[@daghettogandhi8746]

@@chargennaro976 nah God said stay far away from them and warns Gods people of offering love to these things. Even prayer wont save them. My advice is just don't waste your time. You'll be sorry.

[@hannahoriginal4698]

Oh dear Dr Ramani, I noticed you got tears in your eyes when you said you would love to save the broken spirits of the narcissists. It's beautiful how you even feel sorry for them and even let yourself be loving towards them by wishing them well at least. I love and honor that quality in your personality 🙏

[@sukma5277]

Bless her heart

[@travis6694]

It’s always a power struggle with them. They are so empty inside and dark that they need to belittle you and make you feel inferior and instill fear in you. It’s so twisted, almost demonic.

[@Shameikasworld]

It’s definitely demonic!

[@safebet3953]

💯 they feed off your pain and suffering

[@ceilconstante7813]

Not almost demonic. Fully Demonic!! I personally believe they're harboring demons. Maybe not possessed but have demons in them. My older sister is a plain retired school teacher & church goer. 5 yrs older. She reaches out to my Mom's older friends, does kind things but behind closed doors with me: I have literally seen her demons manifest on her being.

[@NovaGaia111]

Better not taking it personally but walk away!

[@eloeden2056]

i will never forget the rage in my parents eyes, their vicious words and actions, and their smirk of satisfaction when i was crying. like a sort of twisted relief to finally see me break. these people have no souls, i'm glad to be out and no contact at 25.

[@leovirgo4538]

My therapist once told me about my narcissistic mother, "That well is dry." Life changing advice.

[@scorp6996]

One thing you said once was "Don't tell a narsasist where they're going wrong or they will know where to up their game"

[@80islandia]

Ain’t that the truth! I’ve seen this play out over and over.

[@ruby-qv5bd]

For sure. I did just that before I understood any of this stuff. Omg! I so wish I wouldn't have given so much advice for her to continue improving on how she can better screw people over. Duh! I didn't understand any of this and kept trying by giving words of wisdom, but she would only ghost and come around later, many years later and suck me in again or anyone else in again. I so regret my ever trying to help her see. That is my biggest regret. We need to keep our mouths quiet and say nothing to these people which is hard because most of the time we can talk to people, right? That is a good clue for people to realize much sooner than I did. If you can't see any change on bad behavior, it's a clue, it's a clue. Stay aware out there.

[@abseiduk]

Oh man, that means we can't even help them.

[@astrarai-thesobercoder]

@Scorp, it is best to say nothing once you recognize their pattern and " figure them out". I didn't even call a person out on their behavior. I was in place to safely exit and did just that. I decided to save my breath, time and energy. The information on the following KZbin channel are lifesavers: Dr.Ramani, The Little Shaman, and Dr.C's Surviving Narcissism. Calling them out is a waste of time, unless one just needs to get it off their chest as they make an exit.

[@colleendaniels6884]

@@abseiduk they don’t want to be helped! They will just take the information and use it against you..that’s IF they even listen. Smh

[@VizAnyaMSC]

It's not that people don't love you enough to change, it's more often that they don't love themselves enough.

[@winstonthomas4576]

That is deep! They just can’t change. It’s like trying to force a physical disabled person to run an obstacle course. Expecting a narcissist to behave normally and change is like asking a disabled person to do something physically challenging. My wife is a narc and it’s funny to me, because i can predict her responses. Sometimes I purposely trigger her to watch her spiral. She has tortured me for years. Now I gamify how I deal with her.

[@VizAnyaMSC]

@winstonthomas4576 I am guilty of triggering my narcissists too as revenge when they treat me badly. Lol

[@ericorr4212]

I am a mechanic and there are cars you can't fix. And that is the same thing I have found to be the case with a Narcissist. You just got to walk away.

[@wildhorses6817]

Great analogy. Cannot be Fixed.

[@srubabotimukherjeemusic]

True

[@crankhandle]

Most European cars are not fixable

[@ericorr4212]

@@crankhandle that is hilarious I own a Jaguar. LoL 😂

[@dellto529]

Fix Or Repair Daily: FORD

[@ronnieburklew]

This is an eye opening video. I thought for years I could help someone change with no success. We are not together now and my life is going great! They took that attitude and chaos with them and have left a path of destruction in other relationships.

[@sunnydays979]

I have been to therapy w my husband. The therapist had no idea who he was. He was all charming and it drove me crazy how the therapist bought it all

[@istateyourname4710]

There are a lot of lousy therapists out there. I went through divorce from a malignant Narc & utilized counseling for my myself & my children. Out of 6 licensed therapists~only 1 was well versed on NPD. We desperately need more experts like Dr. Ramani.💜

[@ysmithriley]

So sorry this happened to you. Did the therapist have experience with Narcissism? Or, were they mesmerized and fooled by the narcissist?

[@ceilconstante7813]

That's the scary thing!! You'd have to screen therapist carefully to find one who gets it and is not a narc themselves.

[@pa2359]

I asked my husband to go for therapy and he told me if the therapist intimidated by me. I am not going to therapist.

[@lb1798]

W😳W. The lack of self reflective capabilities...PERIOD!!! LIFE IS NOT BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!!!!

[@StandingCow2]

This has been eye opening and... well upsetting that the person just cannot be fixed from something that happened in their childhood. Thanks for the video.

[@ee_podcast]

They will never change. If they did, we as a society wouldn’t be in this mess that we are in today.

[@Auroradiluculum]

🙂 yes

[@beatrice9188]

That’s what I was saying the other day. I hear it all the time how difficult people change with the right partner which essentially puts a blame on you because you weren’t the one. I believe if this was even possible, there will be one book, video or google search on how narcissist changed. I don’t believe people change, your character shapes early on.

[@JerseyNurse78]

Great point!

[@lindaschultz7900]

Narcissism is getting worse . There are more people in the world.

[@JerseyNurse78]

Our corrupt government are narcissistic to the core!

[@sixkat61]

I'm so thankful I found this channel. I am married to a narcissistic man that you could have written these pages about. I thought I was crazy. I was/am confused. I grieve. I'm angry. I doubt myself. I am a surviving victim of a narcissistic marriage. I finally was able to leave recently and I have experienced EVERY ONE OF THESE situations you talk about. No one believed me. They continue to enable him and make excuses for him because he has PTSD or a drinking problem, or his mother died, or he had a hard childhood, or WHATEVER!!!!. I did not even know about this personality disorder and listening to these messages have helped me find a support group, a therapist, and the strength to begin believing in myself again. Crazy because I am a very strong, confident, successful trauma nurse that became caught up in this nightmare. Now, I just want to heal and help others because I understand how painful this process is.

[@bonnie3232]

I was an ICU nurse. I had to go on disability after 36 yesrs of nursing because of the abuse, numerous mild head injuries, PTSD and Anxiety Disorder. I just could not longer function. I was staulked, choked, nearly killed. I have my Bachelor's degree and took pride in caring for my patients. He later remarried a sweet woman with a Masters degree testing and teaching children with learning disabilities. It made me feel little better, that I was not stupid, just a niave, kind person manipulated by a sociopathic narcissist just like her. I told her if she ever needed me I would do anything I could to help her. At the time he was still in love bombing stage and I am sure told her awful things about me. But a few years later she called me. I was able to testify in court for her. We are friends to this day and keep in touch. She lives in Mississippi and I live in Texas. She went down, emotionally and physically just as I had. But, today she is her gorgeous self again and remarried to a good man. I am so happy I was able to help her.

[@1jw298]

In my experience they only change for the better until they get what they want then they go back to their usual selves. I’ve tested several on this topic. I knew what they were doing and played along giving them what they wanted and then BAM!!! Right back with their old selves. Watch their faces as they walk away. The smirk, the devious eyes. Creepy people

[@Mea_DS]

Very creepy and evil

[@Nitya-r86]

YOU NAILED IT! This is so true! They'll be on their best behavior till they get what they want. Once they get what they want, they are back to being their rotten selves again. I have noticed this pattern in my parents and sibling, all of whom are on the narcissistic spectrum.

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

This is so true.

[@lil--mo2025]

Always moving the goalposts and even if you give them what they want they eventually get upset that you are a pushover

[@AwcomeonElRey]

Wow... If your the one playing games....

[@amino.4839]

"When things are going like a narcissist wants , they are actually able to play the empathy and kindness game, but when they experience any sense of threat or things aren't going the way they want, they can become very reactive and can't inhibit their cruel responses" THIS, this.. this !!!! made me cut off my sibling from my life.. After years and years of anxiety, walking on eggshells , being stressed out , not knowing what side of the personality I was going to get at any moment , being manipulated, twisting my words, playing mind games to me and people around her, gaslighting , being mean for no reason, downright bitchy to me .. Then, after one more heartbreaking comment , I snapped ( I was so upset I thought I was going to have a heart attack) and it was over. I cut the relationship off... I'm worth way more than this BS. Way more. I'm in survival mode now.

[@tulanzuya]

My experience was so similar! Even down to that last heartbreaking comment.... I realized I had to surgically cut that cord, she never would. The blow-back was intense, putting me into survival mode too, but I have never regretted doing it. Not once.

[@jordanlarkin5950]

I can't tell you the amount of times my ex-fiancee promised to change, then continued her abusive behaviour once she was certain I wasn't go to leave her. They will never change because they don't accept they need to. They try to make you believe you're the problem and the one who needs therapy and to change is you.

[@itzAurora_Xoxo]

I'm happy u got away from it . They have the issues ,not us 🤛

[@BernadetteNYC]

Or maybe they try to change and it's never good enough. Maybe it's impossible to fix everything. I mean when does it end?

[@EliandJohn]

I’m a narcissist and I’m dying to change but I can’t and I’m only 14 so I’m hoping I can change before it’s too late…

[@jordanlarkin5950]

@@BernadetteNYC if you experienced what I experienced you would not say this. A narcissist does not believe they are the problem. They blame shift, deflect, and project. They are experts at gaslighting and manipulative tactics. It ends when they have the ability to acknowledge and take responsibility for the harm their behavior causes, when they have the ability to be empathetic and remorseful. That is to say, it NEVER ends with a narcissist.

[@jordanlarkin5950]

@@itzAurora_Xoxo 🤜

[@innocentnemesis3519]

Summary: not when it serves them so well. Society rewards narcissism

[@immaculatedocnato2054]

Well, with time and mirroring, they may modify behavior a little but their mind is not wired towards empathy. You can't copy empathy or feelings.

[@coolstorm1307]

What do you mean with mirroring?

[@leahg3926]

Brilliantly said

[@it-ke9od]

@@coolstorm1307 by observing others

[@ziraprod6090]

@@KaliLinuxx No. The narcissist does the mirroring. Instead of learning. They can just copy the movements. It is like Emotional Intelligence.

[@ziraprod6090]

@@KaliLinuxx We'll have to talk more.

[@zumbanatalieb]

It hurts that I repeatedly told him what he was doing to me, and he even told me that the light had gone from my eyes… and yet his behaviour did not change. He did not even TRY because he knew how impossible it would be for me to leave. It is a devastating realisation that, yes, essentially he was abusing me consciously and on purpose. Hard to get my head round. Hard to believe for myself even though I lived through it.

[@xrc7445]

Yep. Exactly the same story from me, except it was my dad.

[@cacatr4495]

How sick does a person have to be to treat someone like that on purpose?

[@ChocolateAsian9000]

I’m sorry about that. I really am. I think I’m getting close to something like this but not as extreme

[@Dhruv_Dogra]

Why is it impossible for you to leave ? Get a divorce and take your share of the wealth! Live on it or find a job. Or another partner ! Don’t do this.

[@zumbanatalieb]

@@Dhruv_Dogra I’m long gone!

[@75YBA]

You are such a gift Dr.Ramani!

[@uk7769]

I no longer care if they change. I've changed. And that's all that matters. Buh bye now. Thank you Doc Ramani.

[@lttlod1]

In describing several of the people in my life, my therapist said people like that rarely change. At the time I didn't know she was talking about narcissism specifically. I totally get it now.

[@hannahpumpkins4359]

Not 'rarely change" - they NEVER change. Ever.

[@annatom4629]

@Dustin Void But I don't think narcissists or psychopaths can change to become better since they don't think they are the problem. When you truly believe that you are not the problem but others are, then it is really hard to even want to change to become a better person. So even if the whole world tell them that they had to change, they still wouldn't think they are the problem, but the problem is the world. And if they change, it is for the short periods of time. That is how my dad was. He would act as if he changed, but then his next outbursts would be worse than before. My dad's last outburst caused him to become arrested and right now is in probation. Some people called him out for what he did, and then he cut his own long time friend when he asked my dad to understand that it was his own fault and to change his behavior. Even though police arrested him for domestic violence, he still thinks that he did not do anything wrong. He still thinks it is our fault when he is the one became physical with us. After this, he became much more worse. He would mentally torture my mom. He would call my mother's family and would say how horrible my mom and I are and how much of a victim he is and then he would criticize them.

[@DavidDrummondTX]

My experience has been that just about the time they have realized they have pushed you to a breaking point and you are done with them, they'll modify their behavior the get you back under control and steady their ship, then it all goes back to the way they were before, or even worse. Shows they know full well and understand full well what it is they are doing.

[@michellec6336]

My mother with narcissistic tendencies passed away this week. Despite what all I thought this would feel like, this has been surprisingly just as difficult and heart breaking as the deaths of those who were supporting and always loving. I'll miss the enjoyable things mom and I found in the last years. But, I'm also very hurt at the permanence that she will no longer "get it" what she did to me or say anything towards an "I'm sorry." It's a shame, but I'm doing everything I can to learn from her mistakes and not repeat the hurtful behaviors to my own kids. Thanks Dr. Ramani for all the videos that have helped me detach a bit to realize the issues were hers. My reactions were mine.

[@anonymousanomaly9538]

I think what you're going though is completely normal. I feel.like I understand quite a bit because it's just not possible to fully divorce ourselves of our parents. There is a soul level connection that is undeniable. I'm sorry for your loss. You loved her even if she was not able to reciprocate that love in a healthy way. God bless you.

[@Warlanda]

@Michelle Crouch if you need someone to listen, let me know.

[@AlmaMariaRinasz]

sending you condolences and love

[@steveblobs4851]

I guess this is the time when you can really start processing it all (doing it already) and healing. We hold this hope till they die, only to be disappointed when they do. It's very painful but ultimately helpful to have this finality. Now we can't support our false hopes anymore. Time to acknowledge they for who they were and move on.

[@devidaughter7782]

at such a time of grief, you write with so much wisdom, insight, clarity and compassion -wow!

[@dlim5687]

As someone who used to have narcissistic traits, I think the main reason why narcissists don’t change is because of the narcissists world view. I was afraid of making a mistake, I was afraid of being imperfect, and how I reacted to criticism? Blame, because I wanted to protect myself, because I never understood what it meant to embrace myself for who I am (was). But when I was able to figure out my own situation through the help of friends and mentors (including a lot of conflicts), as well as reading books on Buddhism etc. I learned to slowly realize that my problem was not accepting myself for who I am. Once I got past that hurdle, I became a different person, it was a liberation. I guess I’m not sure whether I was truly a narcissist, but I know that I used to put blame on others for all my faults, I’d find the lamest excuses for my shortcomings and misunderstandings. So I guess I’m a recovered narcissist? I also tried to determine whether I’m still narcissistic by observing my thoughts and trying my best to listen to what those around me say/think about me…, I’d say I sometimes still have some narcissistic thoughts, but for the most part, I have learned to accept much of who I am, an imperfect, normal being.

[@brightbite]

Thank you for mentioning movies like "Beauty and the Beast." No, it doesn't happen like the media tells us: that if we love them enough they will change. They are adults. And putting it on us to love them more so they will change is a victim-blaming mentality. It is not our responsibility to regulate the narcissist. Or to change them.

[@TheBlubunni]

Amen. Only God can change their hearts if they are willing to.

[@kiyokowilkinson158]

How can you change something if you don't think nothing is wrong with you ? Even going to theropy is to make them look a certain way . It's all about their image , remember that , it's not about you , ever which is part of the problem in the first place , right ? It has been my experience . Even causing problems they can fix to be the hero they desperately need attention is their main goal while looking good .

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

Well said👏 It used to be one of my favorite movies and now I understand why. It looks good in the movie, not in real life💔

[@love2learnmitchell329]

Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc., etc., etc., set us up as victims. We live in a fantasy world and believe that love conquers all. Love that conquers all is a totally different animal. That type of love describes real love. That type of love is shown by both people. It's not selfish, doesn't look for it's own interests. It cares about how the other person feels. It's not describing "narcissistic love." I used to love those movies. Now I avoid them like the plague. It's for my own mental health. I no longer have false expectations. It is a more practical way of seeing life and a lot less painful🤔🙂

[@Pomoscorzo]

The prince from Beauty and the Beast wasn't a narc and Belle's love didn't redeem him. He was spoilt and selfish and was put under a curse as a chance to improve. Belle gave him the benefit of doubt, that was all. He changed on his own because he had to and then because he wanted to. His antagonist Gaston (like most other Disney villains) ist clearly narcissistic. The movie, or other Disney movies, never suggest that "love" or anything else could redeem them, they're doomed from the start. Movies can have good messages but viewers tend to interpret them too superficially.

[@creepyamy92]

Apologies without change are manipulation. Give up on the need of fixing with love, give up the hope for change. You are enough and you don't need a human reminder of the opposite. You deserve to be happy use all that love on yourself and invest it on warmhearted mutual people. Let the narcs do their homework for once. Decentralize them of your life!

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

My dad has not changed, in essence he is the same. He is gotten a little bit better though, a little. Sadly, no amount of love can heal them or change them, especially a partner. You may lose yourself in the process and that's not worth it, it is painful and hopeless💔. They need the help of a therapist. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your support and guidance, for opening the door to the truth. I'm loving your book💖

[@mobilityproject3485]

I would definitely like to see *more research* on the impacts of psychedelics like Ayahuasca (full disclosure - illegal in the USA, legal in Peru), on narcissism. The ego disillusionment seen in certain psychedelics does seem like the type of process that would allow for the replacement of a fragile ego, and in healthy people it does seem to lower defensiveness and aggression. More research has to be done on this though. A drawback would be that few narcissists would actually consent to this treatment or experiment, but a test could be done on narcissistic inmates. A video on Ayahuasca specifically: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i2TPiImCqshpeac

[@marisadaniela6]

@@mobilityproject3485 that is interesting. I know someone who has many narcissistic traits that effect their relationships and they do psychedelics but not ayahuasca. It doesn't seem to "help" but I see how it could.

[@misguidedpearls7456]

My dad died the same

[@mobilityproject3485]

​@@marisadaniela6 Psychedelics are indeed a wide category. I am glad that research is gradually opening up on them. Is it possible that the person you are taking about is a communal narcissist? ( kzbin.info/www/bejne/l3ebl5x-icd6qrs ) Certain psychedelics can be quite popular among them. Unfortunately not the kind that 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 help due to poor insight.

[@foxleyleon]

A therapist will get the life source sucked out of them, you will need a witch doctor.

[@Dan-ud8hz]

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” “A man who will enslave his own blood, may not be safely relied on for magnanimity.” “We have all met a class of men, very remarkable for their activity, and who yet make but little headway in life; men who, in their noisy and impulsive pursuit of knowledge, never get beyond the outer bark of an idea, from a lack of patience and perseverance to dig to the core; men who begin everything and complete nothing; who see, but do not perceive; who read, but forget what they read, and are as if they had not read; who travel but go nowhere in particular, and have nothing of value to impart when they return.” ― Frederick Douglass

[@katkollies6986]

I just copied this into my journal.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

Sounds like modern man.

[@BillieLara-y1e]

absolutely

[@beverlyorlando8040]

I know my ex husband certainly wasn't capable of change! Not in 33 years I was with him! He was either unwilling or unable to look within at his role, his mistakes, his flaws. How can you change if you are never able to do that? The only change I witnessed was his moods, control and anger worsened over time. I changed. I got tired of being treated like crap all the time! I was changing into someone I didn't like. Realizing things were NEVER going to change, I recently walked away to save myself.

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

Good for you. Wishing you nothing but the very best.

[@atanamorell2]

Glad YOU changed enough to get out. Being treated like crap all the time wears on you emotionally and destroys your health. Hope your future is peaceful and you find the respect you deserve.

[@colleendaniels6884]

Good for you! Keep moving forward and be good to yourself 🙏🏽

[@CodyCole80]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@rikuwaves]

Proud of you!

[@legomeego8581]

Narcissism is about pride. Saying a narcissist can change is like saying the Devil can change.

[@peacefaith560]

lol

[@kagaria]

What about stories of people turning to God

[@franceshaggitt3104]

@@kagaria i tried to get myex to go to God and repent, he was in the devils camp too much, said was going to take God seriously but said its not his top priority

[@shamusosullivan5650]

Sad I wasted 33 years thinking this, that I could help or fix whatever happen to her growing up. All it cost was my life of happiness.

[@barbarahopf5821]

Yup! Me too, over 30 years! But, I have lived my best life for the past 6 years after getting rid of him.

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

Same here. It's very sad.

[@daleswain9520]

Me too. Same amount of time too.

[@ennvee3354]

@@barbarahopf5821 FYI looking back at it in such a way only make it feel permanent, some never zero it ,nor do they want want to except it when they finally know,.

[@karriesaunders8597]

Its the debt with a child on my own that is crippling me,I just hate what that family did to me but they'll have their day,every dog does.

[@richardblackmore9351]

Yes, we CAN change, as shown by your video on that topic. I would combine a lot of those steps though, especially for those of us with ADHD, and just focus on being mindful and on making it not about us. That is how we get better.

[@Keleia4Jesus]

I thought he would change... NOW, I'm getting a divorce after 33 years AND now I'm moving on and wanting to volunteer somehow to help others who are stuck in this to get out! Praising God, I'm getting free of this nonsense.

[@Theking-np4fk]

I am filling for divorce now my wife has a combination of bipolar and narcissistic tendencies I get it now.

[@wendyhannan2454]

Keleia, good for you, I wish you all the luck in the world. 💕

[@katyflame3668]

I wish you well and lots of happiness.

[@idi0t1488]

I just realized that I am a covert narcissist. I want to believe there is hope of being a better person and better to the people I love. I'm so sorry to all the people who have been hurt by a narcissist.

[@allee3476]

What about you makes you think you are a covert narcissist?

[@idi0t1488]

@@allee3476 lol im actually not. Finally went to a psychiatrist and found out my bf was gaslighting me about it unfortunately. Now i believe that what is considered "covert Narcissism" is a learned behavior, not pathological disorder. I think its the learned behavior of using sympathy or victimization to manipulate what you want.

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

I so wished I had known what a narcissist was years ago. It would have saved me and my kids from the undeserved hell we went through.

[@hannahpumpkins4359]

My mother had NPD, and my father has NPD. They put me through absolute hell.

[@erneste-3williams]

That's what gets me down, thinking about being better role models for the kids is what is most important but my ex would abuse me in front of them. Her "audience" enables her. It is scary when I think about the kids pov even keeps them from me when mad smh

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

@@erneste-3williams That is messed up. It seem like we always end up suffering for doing what is right while they destroy lives and move on like it’s nothing. In the end the kids end up suffering. I will pray that things turn around for you will get to be a part of their lives.

[@erneste-3williams]

@@lindamcwilliams9056 thank you I will pray for your peace of mind as well!

[@123roshnai]

She changed my life - listening to her wisdom expressed so very articulately helped untangle the blame and place it squarely where it always belonged.

[@GeorgeAAspros]

So true. It seemingly requires an act of divine intervention because it’s so rare & the change is incremental.

[@colleendaniels6884]

That’s what I thought! I am a very spiritual person and I prayed and hoped and I waited 24 years for a divine intervention only to have to leave to save myself

[@GeorgeAAspros]

@@colleendaniels6884 exactly. So glad you’ve found a way out.

[@steffanireynolds6677]

@@colleendaniels6884 this is my trouble. I’m a Christian and I feel this obligation to keep praying for him and that God can do a miracle. But I literally had a light bulb moment about 4 weeks ago when watching one of Dr Ramani’s videos. I realized why I am so confused and can’t figure out what’s left from right and I feel like I can’t even trust myself. Everything I am feeling and experiencing is pointing back to narcissistic abuse from my husband. But I am so confused and discouraged and I do not understand anything. I feel like the therapists are all saying that they won’t ever change and the Christian counselors are saying let’s pray for them and work on the marriage. I have come to realize that I have never trusted my husband and I have lived in a state of freeze for the last 20 years. I literally do not know what to do. We have two teenage boys whose lives are affected also. Of course to them I look like the bad guy because I am the one that has asked my husband to stay somewhere outside of our home. I have no job, no money, and no friends or family where we currently live. I feel completely devastated and alone. 💔😢 But ultimately I want to do right by God and I’m so confused about that idea right now. How can this be ok?

[@quishia]

@@steffanireynolds6677 Saul in the Bible is a perfect example that a person can change once they meet Jesus. He is the one who can help a person transform and thus Saul turned into a Paul. I believe people can change but they also have to be willing. If a person isn’t willing then they certainly will not change.

[@bjoyful2185]

@@steffanireynolds6677 …I think your realization 4 weeks ago is God speaking to you! Watch more of Dr. Ramani’s videos. On Facebook there is a group of women that are married or dating covert narcissistic men, and they share their struggles and help each other understand what is going on. To get your toes wet, and to build your strength, check out these women on Facebook. Look for “Healing From Covert Narcissism”. Maybe your husband is an overt narcissist I don’t know, but this group would be a safe place to start by looking at the conversations among these women. Take good care and God bless! He is answering your prayers.🙏🏽No one said it must be gentle. Life is hard, but it’s all about growth!🌹

[@BrendaLG]

It’s been my experience, over several relationships, that they are incapable of changing because they are incapable of admitting or acknowledging that they are ever wrong about anything. The problem is ALWAYS with other people, not them.

[@autiejedi5857]

Narcs either lack the ability or desire to be introspective. Without that, there's no real incentive to change. It takes strength, courage, hard work and determination to look at yourself and be willing to get better.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

They like it shallow.

[@ClutchTree]

I'm the covert narcissist in the relationship. It was a tough pill to swallow, but i genuinely identify myself as it. It makes me miserable being alienated by people around me. I've heard that narcissism cannot be healed. I hope this is not true, otherwise I'm lost for words.

[@Multitudes_]

@@ClutchTree Having that kind of self-awareness is a big step that few narcissists are capable of taking. There is always hope, especially if you actually want to change and are willing to put in the work. The main barrier to narcissists changing is a lack of willingness to really face themselves and see the problem. To have a chance at healing, you have to be willing to be vulnerable and work through the deep pain and damage you are harboring that likely stretches back to your childhood, probably with the aid of a lot of therapy.

[@ClutchTree]

​@@Multitudes_ Thank you for your advice

[@CharltonPeter]

Best way to put it, it’s like talking to a brick wall, and the person who’s narcissistic believes things that are not true which really annoys me, they think there better than everyone els and that their amazing when in reality their the worse people society even want to see. It is so sad to watch and see because deep down you know that person is suffering and no matter how much care and love you give towards that person they will never see it, as they do not have the ability to feel or see it themselves. They feel no guilt, no shame, no remorse or empathy and do not feel love either. Watching this video has inspired me to making the right choice of walking away from the abuse. Mine was all fine, until I started asking questions, then the abuse started and was a downhill slope after that. I did explain that they showed massive signs of narrssisim and that made matters worse, this person also stated “I’m very empathetic person” however when I was upset or hurt by this persons actions there was no empathy at all, it made this person feel better about themself and more in control. Use your energy what you have left to get out while you can! And good luck !

[@AuntieKathiesRescueTails]

Never can they change, so forget about it, as you'll spend your life trying to serve and make them joyful only to wake up one day and 40+ years have passed you by, then you'll say to yourself what the f was that all about! Don't waste your time in fight mode, go right into flight mode and run for the hills. Set yourself free; the earlier and younger you are the better. All The Best from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@ginawiggles918]

@Auntie Kathy: When my abusive, narcissist mother died I found a phone # for one of my cousins I had never met (she had discarded her family years earlier). I called this cousin to report mom's death and during the conversation I asked her if her family KNEW my mother was crazy (I didn't know the term narcissism at the time) and my cousin said, *"Oh ALL the Duncans were crazy....and grandma was the WORST!"* I was shocked. I wonder if this disorder runs in families?

[@AuntieKathiesRescueTails]

@@ginawiggles918Many Narcs keep you isolated and away from their families incase you rake up some truths about them. My late Mama who was a Lovely lady used to always tell me that you have to really look into a persons background before you become entangled with them as it's a very important factor. Unfortunately I was too young and didn't take heed of her advice, much to my detriment. Be careful and take good care of yourself.

[@AuntieKathiesRescueTails]

@@pearlygrace7607 Aye 'humans' have a lot to answer for in life, that's how I now only Rescue animals, as they're such pure, loyal good souls. The Longer I am around people, (apart from the good ones of course) the more I prefer to be in the company of dogs and cats. All the Best to you.

[@gigi9394]

@@AuntieKathiesRescueTails Animals are so rewarding to love, because they have dear souls with no agenda to hurt us. I work with rescue cats and I love them!

[@AuntieKathiesRescueTails]

@@gigi9394 So true, they're such genuine, loving, loyal and forgiving souls. We have so much to learn from them. I Lo e them too.

[@cherrymintzasmr797]

thank you for showing me it’s statistically nearly impossible for him to change. i’ve tried everything. i really thought i could help him become more aware, i wanted to help him become a better person - heal his childhood trauma. now i realize just cuz i want to do that for myself doesn’t mean that will be his same journey. Like you said, i wish it was. i love him or i guess i love the person he pretends to be. it’s so sad i really wish i could change him losing him feels like my biggest nightmare. but i at least find comfort in knowing other people struggle with this and i’m not the only one feeling this way. reading everybody’s descriptions i couldn’t help but relate. and that to me was the biggest eye opener. thank you:(

[@TheLastAvenger1000]

Dr. Ramani, I could tell you were getting emotional towards the end of your video, I really hope your doing well, you deserve the best and please try your best to get out of whatever situation you may be dealing with.

[@reneewilliams1747]

After coming out of an abusive 21 year marriage with a narcissistic husband, I hate myself, I hate my negativity, I hate that I want to isolate, I hate seeing myself in a mirror. I hate the depression and I mostly hate that I feel empty and have to fake being happy. I stay stressed out and full of anxiety wondering if I am also a narcissist.

[@yvette3049]

They say the more things change the more they stay the same.

[@enmaniguada7216]

understood this deeply and finally after he threw me out of our home with all my things - just because i tried talking about my needs. left him and so proud of my decision. never ever going back.

[@lindacarlton3154]

I'm in a 12 step recovery program and met my first narcissist and had an encounter with her. I felt sorry for her as she claimed to be trying to get sober. I tried to help her and then discovered what she was. We finally had an encounter where I called her out on her crap and she went ballistic!! Fast forward to the other day where she claimed to be on step 9, making amends for cussing me out. I replied with I'm not sure I remember which time you're talking about...she again went ballistic and said "you don't remember what YOU did?" I walked away and shook my head. I pray for her. My therapist told me a narcissist is unable to change, it would kill them to yank the bandaid off. She taught me a valuable lesson though and that's to stay away! I also discovered my older sister is a narcissist and I've allowed myself to be bullied by her abuse for years! Thank you Dr. Ramani! I am grateful for your videos. ❤🙏

[@baroquefiddle4790]

That's exactly why I left my family of origin in my life for 39 years. I was hearing it everywhere from my therapists, to friends, all saying aw their just hurt, have compassion, be nice as they are your family. Even when I went to college to train as a therapist, that was the message constantly. It was torture as the impact on my body and mental health was deteriorating rapid. When I was 35, I had a full hysterectomy because of hemorrhages, months later diagnosed with Lupus, RA & a few months after that diagnosed with epilepsy. I was on very serious treatment and then diagnosed with CPTSD. It was devastating and this is what pushed me into cutting off permanently which I did and began intensive trauma treatment for my CPTSD and as I began healing deeply my health started to improve and I am very happy to say that I am 2 year's seizure free on anti epileptic meds for that and am off all other treatments 😊

[@missa8369]

My father is in his 60s And I’m 35 He’ll NEVER CHANGE ‼️‼️‼️

[@leahg3926]

Good to know it now! Lots of people here figured it out in 50s or 60s! 🧡

[@thepowerofyourtrueself4794]

Such an eye opener, be wise and protect yourself from narcissistic energies that drain your energy.

[@DS40764]

When people have lost everything and are old, they can change a little (they usually are on medication). I have seen it. But when they are young and everything continues to go their way, they won't change. But you are the expert. This is only my opinon based on my experience. and of course you know more about this issue than I.. Another movie is the Grinch. Well I expeienced a lot of Narssistic abuse and started to lean that way too, but hit the bottom first. So in the end I am a better person because of my struggles. and the fact that I'm not manipulative in nature, has kept me from Narssism (not vanity and some self centeredness).

[@sweetrose813]

Very rare! They have to hit rock bottom and then be totally stripped before they even consider change they have to be devastated

[@betsysue1018]

When my ex finally agreed to go to therapy, his therapist fired him after 3 sessions.

[@shelley7975]

lol

[@hannahpumpkins4359]

That's usually what happens - or, they go to therapy for a few appointments and then proudly proclaim, "I don't need therapy anymore - because I realized that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! AND YOU NEED THERAPY"!

[@jillmeraz7542]

Ohhh, noooo! I can only imagine how it must have been for you!! If a therapist couldn't handle him after only 3 sessions, then it must have been a complete living hell for you! ;(

[@Nitya-r86]

lol

[@HaleyMary]

That sounds bad if his therapist wouldn't help him after only three sessions. Goes to show that narcissists can't be helped unless they want to be helped.

[@leahteuschel1339]

Narcissists can't change because they do not acknowledge that anything is wrong with them that needs to change. They do not care enough about others to recognize or accept that their behaviors are abusive, hurtful, and damaging. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

[@crafttees8887]

This is factual

[@christophlanganki7507]

Narcissists, when they absolutely are unable to get their way for a long time, will more than often commit suicide. Only those with a stronger will, will actually go through their pain and actually start to get out of their emotional tunnel vision. It is a growth, which finally makes them self-aware about their own actions in the world and won't lie to themselves any longer. Despite this, it is only one step. There is still a warehouse full of issues, which will need to be resolved to deinstall all those narcissistic behaviours.

[@ligmagaming6939]

@@christophlanganki7507 i approve of this. I am a narcissist, a manipulative liar, but i did recognise at some point, that there was something wrong with me. Now i distanced myself from my close ones to avoid hurting anybody, and am actually seeking ways to overcome this, because don't want to hurt everyone around me, i don't want this hollow evil to consume me whole, i know this isn't me... I don't know, if it's possible to get rid of this, but when everybody tells you that you are this evil monster, who ruins everything around them, it becomes harder and harder to believe that people like me can change...

[@ferociousgumby]

This sums it up better than a 12-minute video.

[@investornabil8825]

This is incorrect and is typically what regular therapists believe. It’s wrong. It doesn’t matter whether they want it or not. They can’t change. It’s too painful.

[@Hugo411]

Screw Their Change. What's more significant and relevant is how I Change. The first facet is to Not be suspicious and on guard about everyone and everything due to the Damage inflicted by being engaged with them. I find I am too hypervigilant to let interactions with others Flow and Evolve in a slow, easy manner. Close the door and focus on learning how you can and will do Better.

[@Nitya-r86]

Good point!

[@re2399]

Well said 👏

[@kham4713]

A great point but not only do I have the football stance stiff arm meaning Get Back , I also can’t stop ruminating. Like a hamster wheel. I can’t grow. I’m trying so hard.

[@kmarch6630]

You're my new BFF. I loved your comment!

[@demi3115]

the second sentence is very narcissistic lmao

[@TYRES1987]

I'm currently in this situation, my partner is a narcissist, We have two children together and unfortunately, I never saw what was right in front of me, the abuse masked as criticism, the gaslighting to the point where you think you're going mad, the moving on goal posts so you're always playing catch up, the attempts to isolate you from others with zero shame and making everything Including their violence upon you, YOUR FAULT because you made them (insert reason here). I'm NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

[@yvancharest9460]

When you see the whole picture you are the only one who can change because you are aware of it all

[@nancyswass119]

Certainly, a narcissist can change. Trouble is, they always get worse. Always. Meaner, darker, more injurious. Always.

[@peterknyk1942]

Not in this lifetme!!!! They will need many lifetimes to undo the damage they did in this lifetime!

[@triscuit4000]

this is the second comment I am putting on this video. there is a sense of peace that I feel while watching this video. I might never be a good person, but I am glad to have some support along the way. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@Michael_Page]

Still watching the video, but I am here for the comment section. I believe that I have NPD. I exhibited covert narcissistic traits in relationships and friendships. I am trying to change. The key is to catch the narc thoughts and challenge them as they come. When I am sizing someone up to to tell myself that I am better than them somehow, I stop and challenge the thought. When I find myself getting angry because the cashier is slow or apathetic, I stop and challenge the thought. This is very difficult. "Normal" people can trust their moral compass. I find myself overcorrecting at times. I don't rage anymore, but I find myself wondering if I am being a doormat. I apologize too much. Hopefully, I will be able to find some balance. I am embracing the fleeting moments of empathy I feel. I really want to understand things from other people's perspectives. I try to self-reflect and take full responsibility for my actions. I am trying to be better for the younger people in my family and my future children. Sometimes we really don't know the monsters we are. I know that the consensus is that I must not be a narc because if I was I would not be trying to change. I respectfully disagree, but it is a waste of energy to try to convince someone what I was. All I can do is be better in the present.

[@nazninsultana8204]

Congratulations for trying. I hope that you will be successful. How did you find out that you are a narcissist?

[@Michael_Page]

@@nazninsultana8204 Thanks. I came to the conclusion by watching all of these videos and talking to a therapist. I was not diagnosed with NDP, just an unspecified personality disorder, but the therapists gave me a clearer picture if the nature of NPD, while basically telling me that they could not help me if I did in fact have it. From watching the videos I saw that many of the actions seen as narcissistic just seemed natural/normal to me. Many people have tried in both nice and not so nice ways to tell me that I was "off" somehow. I chalked it up to jealousy or inferior intellect. I was a bartender with the gift of gab and tons of superficial charm. I had lots of associates, but the thought of being a true supportive friend to someone was foreign to me. Why should I support someone, I'm the awesome one?, I thought. I think coworkers and bosses put up with me because I was a good worker. It feels good to have my thoughts match better with reality. My thoughts used to be dominated by cognitive disonance and grandiosity. Now I am just trying to stay grounded and be the most decent person I can.

[@reapithard]

@@Michael_Page You can have the traits without having the disorder. Do you know about the Myers-Briggs Personality types? The Architect/ INTJs are known to have Narcissistic tendencies. You can take the most accurate test I know at 16personalities .com and get good insight on how to deal with your personality. I think this might be a better path for you because the Subject Matter Expert on this channel is more focused on helping victims rather than people with narcissistic traits. Hope this helps.

[@Michael_Page]

@@reapithard Yes, I am aware that one can have the traits without having the disorder. I indicated as much in my original comment. As I stated in said comment, I have no interest in trying to convince you that I have NPD. I just want to work on not doing the things that I do that happen to align with NPD. We can call it anything. Maybe I just need to stop being an inauthentic asshole. I have taken a Meyers-Briggs test suggested to me. I found the questions to be completely nonsensical. I have taken another pretty extensive assessment given to me by professionals, but I don't know the name of it. I did not understand some of the questions on the test and the results were inconclusive with regards to my personality disorder. I do know that I am not on the autistic spectrum, for whatever that is worth.

[@oliviasanyu850]

Keep trying

[@venticap]

I save your videos for when my narcissist starts acting sweet and I need a pep talk to hold my ground. Thanks. Your work is a lifeline.

[@kitto6502]

In India we are taught to be in the marriage ties from DOLI to ARTHI for girls .25 years are passed & I gave up all my energies in building good relationships with my husband & inlaws but they are very , very rigid .Only through Dr Ramani I came to know few weeks back I am fighting with a rock.No way they can change.

[@aryastark2006]

I feel you. It is hard. I am in the same boat. India being a major patriarchal society doesn't help either

[@kmarch6630]

Be strong. It's very hard.

[@AR-gz7kn]

Same here,India is a thriving environment for narcissists .

[@zetaforever4953]

Leave. Trust me, you can do it. My mother is the narcissist in my life. And if you think Indian society values spousal relationships, you can probably imagine how Indians feel about parental relationships. I was told all my life that your parents can never be wrong, no one can ever love you as much as your mother. I still left. I barely have a relationship with her anymore and that's exactly how I like it. It took a long time but it can be done. Stay strong.

[@MM-nl3ff]

That analogy regarding doing a kid's homework and expecting them to learn is lovely! It painted the picture a lot.

[@kristinewaithaka2947]

You are a great therapist. You won't believe the work I've done on myself within a year of watching your videos. I even referred my therapist to your videos when they realized my great progress. You are doing great!

[@ysmithriley]

@Kristine Waithaka Congrats to you for realizing that you needed help and doing something about it. 🙂 That's a first for me. The patient helping her therapist become a better therapist by showing her videos on the subject. 😆

[@kristinewaithaka2947]

@@ysmithriley thank you. He was really surprised at my knowledge on my situation and what I was aware of. Dr. Ramani is a gem.

[@mediqpohatu5685]

With the right healer, safe space to open up deep hurts, every second conscious mindfulness AND YOU WANT TO PUT IN THE WORK we can change. I did!

[@ranadebnath6739]

Don’t know how many times we need to thank you for saving our lives especially mine. Pls keep on doing the good work. Loads of Love ❤️ . May god give you everything you ever wished for.

[@blkfuturesucess89]

So true me 2

[@Nicoduzion]

I have a narcissistic personality. I am very sorry about it. I did hurt women and i dont want to hurt again. So i started to work on myself and explored different ways to regulate my emotional disorders. I did a long and painful analysis. It helped me to realize that i have a problem but did not solve it. For some years i am doing meditation, yoga and different spiritual practices. I am trying to live in the present, observing my emotions, especially anger. Everyday i practice humility, kindness, empathy, gratitude, Love... I cannot say that i am not still an arrogant jerk once in a while, but i am doing better. Doctor Ramani, there is hope for people like me who do not want to hurt others anymore. But it requires more than therapies. It needs a real shift in the level of consciousness. Not something the mind can do. You are an excellent psychologist and i want to thank you for helping me to understand my own narcissist patterns. But do not forget the spiritual component. Please dont kill the hope for those who really want to change.🙏

[@greywolf6146]

For a person to change they have to want to change. Narcissists do not. It's the rest of the world that is supposed to change and adapt to them. I had a narcissist tell me 'I'm opinionated and judgmental (and that's the least of it) and I'm not going to change.'. I wasn't even asking.

[@univerz1175]

Dr Ramani, what a great mentor you are in the the field of narcissism, thank you, thank you thank you. You have finally set me free on believing it is me that is the problem. My husband of 34 years crushed my spirit to the point where I had to greyrock quite a few times. Im on my last greyrock heading to divorce. I decided to try and meet someone else. What happens, I met another Narc, I must be drawn to them with my empathetic nature. I realise now my mother was a narcissist big time. But I refused to buy into the generational drama, and worked on myself for over 45 years and broke that cycle. But for some reason, I must be drawn to them. Its the same old addage, I cant be attracted to boring people, as I only know how to be in a dramatic relationship. I better pick someone who is nice happy and predictable, instead of being being co-dependent on the drama a narc injects.

[@jobredenkamp7864]

Can’t wait to hear what you have to say on this topic. My husband and I were pondering this just yesterday ♥️

[@melaniedavis3637]

I've heard you talk before that they will never change and that HELPED me so much. It clicked for me, because I couldn't fix him, there really isn't anything I could do. It's sad, so sad because I really do love this man, and I know the only way was for me to leave.

[@survivethelie]

They will change how they lie, sneak around, cheat, they will change all of those things if they get caught, but no matter what the changes will never be to stop doing all of the abusive things that they do, just how and when they do them.

[@Acc-eh8pp]

Vids like these literally saved my life

[@alexandriascott4656]

Yep exactly, my therapist told me that narcissists are so hard to change something like that can’t be fixed unless they want to fix themselves. I was asking about what I could do with my mother and he said just continue to not talk to her. I’ve tried everything for it to be different, I had to walk away for my peace and sanity sadly.

[@leahg3926]

It's a familiar experience around here. 🧡

[@ashleyward3556]

Same, my therapist said she pretty much is not going to change and it’s super difficult. I had to cut my mom off a year ago. She’s decided to start attacking me again

[@investornabil8825]

Your therapist is incorrect. Npd actually can’t change even if they truly wanted and tried every day.

[@Pgschool37]

I like most everyone here knew what the answer would be. I wanted to psyche myself out by thinking "she's going to say something else" "they can actually change". I've watched certain family members repeatedly go back thinking they're helping to make the situation better by sticking with the person (don't give up)... With your help Dr. Ramani, I had to check out because I knew this was abusive and the narcissist family members were never going to change.

[@crencottrell7849]

*Happy Sunday Dr. Ramani & everyone else* 😁 I grew up with a narc father, exhibited a few covert narc traits myself, and as others pointed those unlikable traits to me over the years, I dedicated myself to changing...and I have 🙏🏿🙌🏾

[@suzannesmith5339]

My upbringing in a Narcissistic family system, seemed confusing and full of strife, but I didn’t know how bad it was until I got older and met wonderful, generous-hearted adults. I recognized narcissistic traits in myself that I hated. I started praying, and asking God to change me within; how I heard people, how I saw situations, and to grow a loving heart within me. I was a young mother when I sought His Divine help to unlearn every manipulative, judgmental, selfish pattern. With time, I hardly recognize who I once was becoming. I thank my patient husband and so many compassionate people in my path for being role models that I observed and learned from. I had to spend less and less time with my family of origin, and now it is almost impossible for me to be with them.

[@elcee7800]

@@suzannesmith5339 : Impressive, good for you! You nipped it in the bud early and saved yourself. 👍🏼

[@leahg3926]

Me too.

[@elcee7800]

Hey Cren! Keep us posted with your “conditioning” our group experiment. You seem like you have a lot going for you.

[@laurawerner114]

I am so thankful to have listened to these video's from Dr. Ramani. I was dating a narcissistic person and could finally see him for what he was. After 2 years of being with him he had all the signs of narcisistic behavior. Thank you as these video's helped me get out of a situation that could have caused me physical and mental issues.

[@DavidFraser007]

Well, they get worse and worse, to almost hilarious levels. If you've ever seen an 81 year old Grandmother stamping her feet...

[@ginawiggles918]

Before she died, my 92 year old mother was STILL trying to catch me so she could hit me. Even with 2 hip replacements and a bad knee I was able to dodge her. But she had always been incredibly strong, and still was. She just couldn't throw things at me as accurately anymore.....but she sure did try.

[@no_one_211]

🤯

[@DrogoBaggins987]

In his seventies my father would throw tantrums like a five year old. He would slam doors and I can still picture him with his fingers in his ears shaking his head saying I can't hear you.

[@JudeKnowsWhatYouDoNot]

@@ginawiggles918 wow

[@ginawiggles918]

@@JudeKnowsWhatYouDoNot : Every child of a narcissist has similar horror stories to tell. Narcs all pretty much have the same M.O.

[@tuska4717]

Dr Ramani - thank you! I needed to hear it and thank you for taking your time to help strangers all around the world.

[@catherinescribner6724]

I would love to see a video about the how a narcissist keep relationships in a family or group situation separate for years prior to anyone realizing what is going on. It is very important to the narcissist no one can see what is going on as a whole. Different than one person being a target.

[@dianematichuk7485]

It took my siblings and I 40 adult years to realize our mother was a narcissist. We were blinded because she kept us in separate “corners” all the while we were covering for her. We each suffered alone.

[@catherinescribner6724]

@@dianematichuk7485 I so get this, we all different relationships within our family structure based on the narcissist. From no relationship to ok.

[@arcadiablue3006]

Sometimes family members hide what they know as well - the night before our wedding, my fiance kept me up all night crying while he threatened to leave me at the alter - his sister tried to console me and even asked if I was sure I wanted to go through with it. Nine years later when his abuse became physical, she admitted specific incidences where he had been physically abuse to each of his three sisters and that it was the reason one of them avoided the family altogether. If she had told me BEFORE we got married, damn sure I would NOT have gone through with it!

[@waffancolo]

I do feel for my ex girlfriend. Of all the things in life that tried to brake me, she was the only one that came so so close.. but got out after three attempts to escape. I tried all the giving and healing love i had to her. Child with narcisistic father, sexually abused mant years. This was my trap and i fell in head over heels. Abused mentally, regurly cheated on and made me the smallest person in the world. But no more, this is great info. Keep on educating. I needed all the 600+ youtubevids i looked at before i was able to act on it. Less stress, memory is getting better again, but a sore and brokenheart.. ❤ building back up again tho.

[@maryri]

I have alot of experience with Narcissists beginning with my own mother who continued being toxic til her death 3 yrs ago at age 83 sadly she never changed even cutting me out of her own will and me her only living child. My ex also highly toxic covert narcissist has also only gotten worse triangulating all 3 of my adult daughters. Even therapists can charm and manipulate skilled therapists and many won't even counsel them. I'm not trying to be negative but this has been my experience and I choose not to waste any more time and happiness because life is short. I do know many narcissists that have been in therapy most of their lives but they just play the victim unending refuse to forgive refuse to self reflect.

[@natesit7169]

As I learned about narcissism from my life and this channel, I went from naivete to cynicism. But over time, I am trying to move past cynicism, not be bitter, and (best as I can) choose peace instead: some people are awesome, while others not so much, and that’s the way it is. Learn how to cut off and avoid the bad ones whenever you can, and keep exposing yourself to the good people in your life. Grief is normal, but bitterness keeps you stuck (“you’re still in the relationship,” as Dr. Ramani might say).

[@tryingtosurvive786]

My husband will change when we are having people over for the weekend. The couple of weeks leading up to visit he becomes a sweet, helpful person. I’m assuming so I can tell visitors how wonderful and helpful he is. I do start to doubt if I was incorrect thinking he is a narcissist. Hence 38 years later….

[@smithieboy10]

That's normal for them. As soon as they leave he's a different person right 😆😆😆.

[@tryingtosurvive786]

@@smithieboy10 yep….

[@iurk0_streaming]

Theramintrees described the narcissistic personality as a black hole, and the analogy is very apt. A narcissist cannot change in the same way a black hole cannot be dispelled or changed.

[@kristins4494]

Narcissists never change. Never. Ever. Save yourself and walk away. Better yet, run. They're evil and they're toxic, and they don't deserve a place in your life.

[@Jessicabeyers90]

Hello Dr Ramani Thankyou so much for sharing your wisdom and knowledge with the world. I'm a diagnosed narcassist. I'm 34 years who had a narcassist mum. I've become my mother. All I want is to be normal and feel empathy like a normal person. Can you please make a series of therapy videos that are dedicated to all the narcassists out there myself included, who want to change.🙏

[@g.marion5888]

We'll never know if a narcissist can change, because none of them have ever tried.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

wow, just wow.

[@peacefaith560]

they dont want to

[@lemonade_011]

I think I have.

[@jolenesimko8915]

It's possible, but rare.

[@martinanderko9893]

I have changed after NPD. My wife and children went through hell. Now last years you could ask anytime my wife and 5 adult children about me and I know the answer.

[@cindyoreilly2796]

"Maybe I am shit Therapist" hahahahaha Dr. Ramani, you have made me laugh many times but that was true laugh out loud on that one!! 😆 You Rock more than you know lady!!

[@artbaugh3]

Probably not as long as there is no one else for them to focus on… like OCD/control issues

[@Stormsworder]

I’ve been wrestling a lot with a narcissistic father myself. I always thought that anyone could change, and for so long I internalized that something had to be wrong with me if I was treated the way I was and felt the way I did… After a film screening I attended where you spoke on the panel afterwards, I finally had my eyes open to the realization of what I was dealing with… that it was a cycle that would always repeat with lulls between those moments. Part of me still hopes even a small bit that maybe he really can change… but I also know now it’s likely he won’t.

[@Kcbudden]

Same here besides my mother