Can Narcissists Truly Love?

[@warsilver99]

I'm a narcissist myself, and this is very well described. It's like being a predator, constantly hunting for what you call "narcissistic supply" from those deemed "worthy", as if they are good enough to have the honour of being exploited.

[@johannesvanhoek9080]

👍

[@AxelSituation]

Conditional love is NOT love, so the answer is NO!

[@leahannwhite1111]

Its really easy to see through facades when you are clear with yourself. No one can fool you cuz when you're honest with you, you identify this same narcissist and psychopath in you the same time you do in them. It's a mirror. Truth is SO obvious. When you're willing to look.❤

[@deedeeneri8202]

I have to tell the kids it's not them. They shouldn't have to beg their own father to love them. All he cares about is " poor him" . There's no empathy no remorse, no accountability for the horrible way he treated the kids & myself.

[@samvaknin]

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727

[@wendyrosen3179]

My ex husband raped my daughter, when she was not even yet a teen. And he still sees himself as the victim. Even after his parental rights were terminated for it. No. They cannot love.

[@forward_ever_ever2595]

@@wendyrosen3179 oh dear...a horrible human being that is

[@agatanakonieczny2213]

@@wendyrosen3179 Your name is given. Are you sure you love and protect your daughter while giving her trauma away on Internet so easily? You sound like a narcissist, too!

[@majatooks4010]

Same here so much sadness ,how a human being , discard they own kids and sees nothing wrong with it, it's cold cruel and I never understand why

[@shariqazmi2827]

Sam Vaknin, your work is highly respectable. Thanks a lot.

[@jennifergemsma8958]

They lovebomb. But given one year with one person they cannot recipicate. They cannot people please because they themselves cannot please people. Because they lack empathy. Only empaths people who are capable of empathy are people pleasers. The narcissist doesn't validate feelings. He can't please himself and he is never happy.

[@rubymilescleo]

My father is a narcissist and a sadistic one at that. Well he seemed to enjoy causing other people pain and treated us with contempt and distain. I am physically and mentally exhausted and in a state of shock to finally see this. Your videos are helping me to understand him for the first time in my life. I can now forgive myself for not loving him and stop telling myself I am a bad person. I have never been comfortable around my father. I am so exhausted, tired, paranoid, don't know who to trust. I have also been in relationships with at least two Narcissists. Is it normal for me to be paranoid that everyone is a Narcissist? even my own mother and my brother? I am in detective mode

[@lotusguidanceconsultations2806]

Mary Teresa Mc Brearty You will heal. You power lies in educating yourself. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. ❤️😘🥔🌸🌷

[@gradyblack138]

Mary Teresa Mc Brearty Educate yourself now.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Yes, our childhood training opens us up to accepting it as normal, and then we end up in the same..... Until we wake up and make the change.

[@bubblelaber4909]

well my dear marry, you should ask yourself,What if your father isnt a narcissist and you are?

[@panther29484]

Of course they can, but only themselves. Stay away from these monsters.

[@rainx77]

they cant control who they are

[@rainx77]

@Meg Griffin well tbh you cant target someone who has the tendecies lol 😏 im sorry i shouldnt joke abt that

[@priscillapascale1764]

Haha

[@Awiserversion]

@@rainx77 yes they can. They know something is not right with them. They are adults that know how to seek help. They just have to want to like they want to destroy others.

[@rainx77]

@@Awiserversion not all of them are adults lol

[@nimchimpsky4479]

I have exerienced an NPD talking about love, but the words sound robotic and hollow and stilted

[@samvaknin]

The Narcissist's Weapon of Language samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders46.html Narcissists and Emotions health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5248

[@sabreezysabreezysea1238]

Interesting. I often felt like a puppet for him, like I was his little puppet show and he pulled the strings

[@KristenWack777]

Wow, the raging narcissist is my mother. Her house is a war zone with landmines planted everywhere.

[@jolostfox725]

kris777 oh, my your home too? mine began last year. still trying to get out.

[@DefaultFighter]

You made me laugh xD

[@mayberryangel]

I am in the process of divorcing a narcissist. He recently got fired from a position and that day I knew the wrath was brewing and he was going to orchestrate his theater to tell people I was not supportive, "I made this about me", etc. He was projecting onto me all of the things he was loathing in himself a common cycle for him. It was the kill shot for him to be fired that they didn't recognize how wonderful he was and my anxiety was at an all time high as I was just waiting for his wrath.

[@angelagail7620]

I continue to have “wow” moments. Especially when I listen to your lectures. Very few tears now on day 11 of when I ended the relationship. 💪🏼

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Angela Gail,You look cute 🥰,You don’t need a narcissist in your life….

[@torbs37]

You may have issues other than narcissism. Lots of issues (past abuse, depression, past manipulation, poor upbringing, experience with being close with narcissists, antisocial personality disorder, etc) can result in many of the symptoms of narcissism, but your fundamental experience would be different. One important characteristic of narcissists is a belief that you can do no wrong. Many consider an admittance of seeing these traits in yourself to mean you're not a narcissist.

[@Broken-pi6de]

I am a narcissist and my girl friend is a narcissist we both study psychology to better understand ourselves and each other. I really believe we love each other despite our flaws but do we? if not what are we?.. two people lying and pretending in the hope that some day we won't hate ourselves? Or perhaps we just feed off each other. Knowing I'm a narcissist I can't trust anything about myself because I don't know what's real and what's not, maybe I'm just psychotic. Narcissists are still people and some of us know what we are and focus on recovery even if the odds aren't good. Of-coarse now you know I'm a narcissist everything I wrote is hollow and is somehow designed to benefit me, and who knows perhaps it is...

[@preddy1850]

faaaark weird shyt

[@Yowsg13]

I knwo this is 10 years ago and I hope you found treatment and I’m telling you find Jesus ✝️☦️ he loves you he died for you he will accept anyone. Please trust me but I have ocd and I do fear I’m a narcissist I feel like I don’t know love trust me I just can’t image to think or feel what you feel when you can’t find peace and your born with npd but I’m not shaming I can tell you are a empathetic person under that disorder don’t use it for your advantage it keep looking for treatment and find god he is very merciful. Confess your feelings like you did when you said that you felt no empty and all that.

[@nellyshivere4267]

Narcissist will never love... Period. Am still hurting but it shall be well

[@MrTrev01]

Selfishness is at the root of much human unhappiness. The selfish person [NP] learns to work people, almost unknowingly , to produce co dependence and that's why children are very vulnerable. The fact that most caring people ,who try to love their fellow humans, struggle quite hard shows why the NP doesn't readily 'get' this route. It is counter to what seems to produce transient happiness- if they have a good 'supply'..

[@meganchapman5425]

These videos by Sam have been sooo helpful to me, and I have only watched 3. I can now see that my ex husband was a narcissist and my daughter is also. I'm sure he was also borderline PD!!! I've survived both, but now I know why it has been such a painful struggle.

[@carriecastanos]

Being present lifts the veil❤

[@gettingotr9016]

Fear of losing control... Using fear to control... = The Narcissist.

[@darkvougue]

I've researched narcissism and I pretty much tick every box.I'm self-aware of my 'disorder' and I'm not scared of therapy,I want it.People hate me and I hate myself,because I'm not the most likable person in the world.I tend to be arrogant and rather envious and extremely praise people who are of high stature and social status than me.I often feel empty and rather neutral about things I should and thought I would be ecstatic about e.g.high grades.I always try to be grounded but it doesn't work.

[@steamedhamlet]

I hope you're doing better. It's hard to understand the darkness of it unless you experience it. So others call us monsters and it just feeds the worst parts of us. But I don't think it's uncurable. I think the forst step is recognizing our patterns and being honest with ourselves. I know I have a destructive and corrupting effect on people (unless I'm wearing my exhausting mask and pretending like I care) so I stay away from people so as not to corrupt and hurt them. Then I'm labeled an asshole who thinks she's too good to socialize... It's really kind of unwinnable but fuck that defeatest shit! Maybe if we try we can at least gain some clarity in our dark mental spaces and warn others of who we are before they become too involved with us. The hard thing is this narrative that we're just monsters that can never change... but we can try at least. I don't know what love is. So I can't say if I'm capable of it. The best thing I can do is be honest with myself and those around me. But that always makes them scared and sad.

[@lastthingsministry]

Jesus Christ can deliver you! He is the God in the flesh and He died for everyones sins. There are no sin too great! If you turn to Him, He will deliver you from this terrible disorder. You can overcome this, He will heal you!

[@SherryLaneify]

I don't want to encourage anyone to keep up destructive relationships, but in my experience at least the second type of narcissist (with bpd) does feel something like love, missing sadly and other ,humanly' feelings: it's rather that objectising, affronting and denying need is much more easy to them than actually risking being refused. They're always wearing a mask. But under the mask in fact there's chaos (oftenly), there's black and white thinking, selfish weird thoughts, boredom, fantasy.

[@jaijay9343]

Narcissistic people too want to feel accepted and get love. But at the same time they reject it as soon as received. They are their own greatest enemies since they are uncapable to reciprocate normal love. Although human, they 'appear' incomplete humans and people have no choice but to stay away by 'force' induced by the narcissist himself/herself, hence a sad/freaky human just do not know what they want out of human life.

[@holidayymann1769]

this gives new meaning to the phrase: "THE WORLD IS A STAGE BECAUSE THIS IS JUST A REHEARSAL BUT WHEN I GE TO HEAVEN THEN I CAN REALLY SING..." WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[@6868818]

thank you. i just came from a female friend whom said she was confronted by text by another female friend. doctor , it has no gender but it hurts the heart. its all about control.

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Judy S,You look cute 🥰,Hope you are not with a narcissist…

[@GoldieLoqs]

After watching just a few of your videos, I have come to the conclusion that my ex boyfriend is a narcissistic abuser. He fits the descriptions to a T! Silly thing is, my grandmother told me he was narcissistic and abusive, but I didn't see it at first. Now I know what to look out for and I'll never pick a guy like that again. Thanks for this video! :)

[@LauraArendt]

Thank-you very much, Dr. Vaknin, for your generosity to share all this useful knowledge with the whole world. It's heartbreaking to learn that narcissists have such a negative perception of life and reality. I have a friend who is a narcissist and she has really developed a very hateful, envious and bitter personality. I wish I could help her, but I understand that it is not possible. It breaks my heart though.

[@Jordandacosta25]

This is hard to listen to because I've come to the realisation that this is what I am like. I've done this to many people and I agree, I see many of friendships and relationships in a "what can they do for me" or " how do they make me look?" My therapist suggested trying to help others as much as possible or volunteering so going to try that

[@omaragramonte9842]

So humbled to read this!

[@steamedhamlet]

I wish you the absolute best. Your efforts in seeking help are admirable. Please stay strong and keep up the good work. It can be dismaying to be an outsider. It's hard for others to understand what this thing feels like from the inside. I never got in to any relationship with the intention of ruining someone's life. NPD people aren't monsters... We're not out to get you! We don't wanna eat up your lives as a yummy snack. We try to feel love. We TRY to change. We hate ourselves so much most of us are slowly killing ourselves. We want to protect you from us so we seek isolation. But we'll always be monsters in some people's eyes. And now someone is gonna say I'm being a total narc martyr or whatever. Sure. Just wanna let others know what this feels like... I guess you have to experience it to understand. And I've experienced narcissistic abuse myself so I get how shitty it can be. But now I understand people NPD aren't being malicious and don't deserve to be called monsters.

[@Jordandacosta25]

Just to update from since I posted this. Dating really brings out this disorder in me, the more empathetic / emotion you show during relationships seems to cause you to get walked all over. So I can see how I ended up being like this. However, there is no need to be disrespectful

[@mudrat3377]

I'm sorry brother that's crazy at least you are a self-aware narcissist those are very rare and maybe from being self aware you'll be able to find some kind of happiness and rest to your mind I wish you well

[@Jordandacosta25]

@@mudrat3377 thanks, things been going well👍 a big part of it is not focusing on short term fun or quick “fixes” and long term gratification based on goals and being respectful

[@MrOnomatopoiea]

Thank you so much for your honesty, maturity and integrity in making this video. It will be most helpful to me in weeding such people out of my life from now on.

[@tenajsa]

A narcissist told me how they felt about love in a song they were truly enameled with. They said if you understand this song you can understand them on how they feel about love. The song is by LTD "Back in Love Again" You can easily find the song on KZbin and the lyrics.

[@indiegospelrevealed]

The absolute clearest and best explanation... it all makes so much sense now.

[@dr_bullseye]

what a horrible state of affairs, possessed by the devil, this is spiritual death

[@Kimberly1Lily]

You have just described my mother and husband. " Doc i'm in trouble."

[@M3Besh]

Bravo! This video series is on point- and possibly genius. I would like to see a video on how the sociopath and psychopath differ. They are an extreme periphery of narcissism and use it mercilessly.

[@tinastevenson1047]

This is so fucking true! They are only capable of loving themselves!

[@matthewolson3309]

I’m becoming aware the same percentage of narcissist out there are probably the same that are truly in touch with true feelings

[@darkvougue]

I'm also incredibly cynical almost bordering onto being a pessimist,but interestingly I found that my mother has some NPD traits that I feel like I might have inherited such as her feeling superior to the rest of her friends and her exploiting that.She's not an entirely negative person and it doesn't take over her life but her sense of reality when talking about goals and achievements are rather exaggerated and show-off.Those occasions are short-lived,but they are still narcissistic.

[@blackvailtears]

How to recover from being in love with a narcissist? How to cope with lost false image of loved one? Tha ain goes away then comes back again and I feel so empty. I don't have a family maybe that is why I am more vunerable.

[@samvaknin]

These may be of help - click on the links: The Narcissist's Victims vaksam.tripod.com/faq38.html Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html Mourning the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/faq68.html The Three Forms of Closure vaksam.tripod.com/abuse17.html Back to La-la Land vaksam.tripod.com/journal78.html The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/faq6.html Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid of Him? vaksam.tripod.com/5.html Traumas as Social Interactions vaksam.tripod.com/trauma.html How Victims are Affected by Abuse vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/faq80.html The Malignant Optimism of the Abused vaksam.tripod.com/journal27.html The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists vaksam.tripod.com/faq66.html Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html The Dependent Patient - A Case Study vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily.html The Cult of the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5013 Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5002 Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5000 Guilt? What guilt? groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4931 Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4920 The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4959 I miss him so much - I want him back! groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4934 Participate in discussions about Abusive Relationships - click on these links: plus.google.com/communities/116582645889927140499 www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery thepsychopath.freeforums.org/ The Narcissistic Abuse Study List groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse The Toxic Relationships Study List groups.yahoo.com/group/toxicrelationships Abusive Relationships Newsletter groups.google.com/group/narcissisticabuse/

[@blackvailtears]

thank you for your concern and quick response. I will read this through. I am currently working on myself. But never I have faced something so terrible as loving a narcissist - this guy completely faked his behaviours, to this day I am uncertain what was his real face. The lying, the excuses, it all started after he has gotten me to love him, then the bastard began to show his real face. Fortunately I am wise enough and probably lucky, to have been in relationship for 3 years max, no kids, no marriage. But this experience is something very traumatic I have experienced. I was forgiving a lot of junk for this guy, and sometimes he was sorry sometimes not - like double personality. Honestly I putted this out because I don't have strenght to do dating again, I am young but I am tired of the most bullshit in dating world, so many superficial things, and I am more oldschool person..Anyway, this shit person after all he put me through he has this illusion that he is something and then he cries after me..he has codependent personality too..But I found out that he cheated on me mothns ago and he didn't told me for so many times, I was very angry, I wanted to squeeze his neck and make him realize every shit he has done to me - it seems this persons doesn't have any moral!!! Offcourse I didn't do anything I just ignore him, and his violent and angry and awful messages.. I am going to psychoterapy for some time, but I can't seem to stitch the wounds of not having a father - he was sick, maybe narcissist too, left our family, stopped loving us in one day, my brother was something similar and I have no contact with him anymore because he would alway make fun of me. My mother is intellectual, but pretty passive and surpressed her depression, can't seem to work her problems out, anyway, i had some family history for becoming too needy because of my emptiness, but im struggling annd i hope i will find a solution.

[@travellyfe97]

basically they don't love, evil people NEVER CHANGE and if they do, it's too late or until they have a lightbulb moment..or never actually

[@melissascoville4126]

I find this to be so sad that a person cannot feel love . I think my ex is a narcissist he said he wants help but I'm not sure if that's true. Its hard letting go of some one you love so much but it seems after watching all of these videos that I can never make him love me I wish there was a cure for this disorder because as I said in the beginning it's so sad that someone can't feel the beauty of love.

[@lastthingsministry]

You can pray for him. Jesus Christ can heal them, Nothing is impossible for God. You have to have hope. My dad and my sister are narcissists and it would be easy to hate them as they have been so destructive and evil over the years but I do feel pity for them as their lives are a complete waste and they miss out on what really matters: love. It is a bigger curse to be a narcissist than to be abused by one.

[@MrTrev01]

The possiblitity of inverted Narc. is always there. You aren't NP but you have learned to look to others for your sense of self. Get some time on your own and brave it out. Get a project going you have always fancied doing and watch out for the deflections, that will cut in on this aim, from others. That will be enough proof for you. Good luck!

[@jaijay9343]

You are right. I believe N too want to feel accepted and loved. But they do go about looking for them as junkies do for drugs. Their is always a selfish aim without regard for the other person's needs. The relationship is definitely a non-starter. The N will spend his/her entire life in search for new supplier of his/her drugs...there is just no place for LOVE, COMPASSION or UNDERSTANDING in such a relationship.

[@SherryLaneify]

2nd: Especially what you would call a ,perfect love' is very strong at the beginning of the relationship. But it mainly remains a feeling, spontaneous like everything in the narcissist's personality. As they think, different than many humans, dissociatively (or it takes longer to think associative), they ,see' the imperfections of other beings more than their strenghts. If they have bpd they also feel some of the feelings of their opposite stronger than they might actually be. All that leads to

[@black4pienus]

Glad I found you. I'm in love with a narcissist with Asperger's syndrome. I know he likes me and we get along very good. You're videos help me to understand him better.

[@ishitachoudhary345]

Now I have a doubt that I am in a relationship with a Narcissist person for 3.5 years. Since I'm not a certified psychiatrist I can't level him as Narcissist but I found all these qualities in him. For example, initially he took a lot of care of mine & our relationship started like a fairytale. But later I found that his ego got triggered for very small reasons & that time he spoke whatever he could without thinking of my emotions. He brutally insulted me many times but later apologized. I had a mindset to accumulate position things in this relationship & tried very hard to forget all bitter experiences. But it's a never ending process because till date I received bad behaviour. Initially he used to talk whole day but later he stopped texting me & whenever I asked him for his changing behaviour he told me that I was disturbing him & his work. Everytime he is the one who takes all the decision.. if I had ever made any meeting plan then he made me stand for 20-30 mins even an hour by showing how busy he was in his office. If I wanted to meet my friends he was always unhappy about this & started to behave in a cold manner. That's why I avoided my friends. I got isolated. Then once I got hospitalized & that time he took a lot of care of mine. I thought that he was changing. But when I tried to call him at night from hospital he was never available & he is too much committed to his job that he never ever took any leave for me. Not even on my birthday. I had a pet & when it died after 8 years of bonding,I was very heartbroken & told him about my feelings but he didn't show any kind of empathy towards me & I found it really strange. He doesn't care about my feelings ever. Even after every fight I used to cry for whole night but he got asleep very comfortably & from next morning he started his manipulation again for convincing me to forget everything. During our fights he rudely told me that I'm not beautiful! It was so rude! Then I opposed it by saying that I was never told this before & people normally tell me that I'm beautiful! That time he said that guys told me that because they wanted to get a girl to have fun! It was so insulting that I started crying. But I never found him regretting for his cruel words. He is extremely self centric & self obsessed. He thinks he is the best. He always talks about his achievements & knowledge. He thinks he is extremely handsome & I'm not beautiful enough to be his partner. He doesn't have any realisation for what I feel. He tries to make me isolated from my friends & berate my friends by saying that they are below level. He criticized my financial condition. He put me in the last in his priority list. He always made me feel low. He always denied what he previously said & talks a lot of lies. He had tendency to hide everything. He even made me feel bad by saying how much he had spent on me. He was never thankful from heart for whatever I had done for him. He never appreciated when I gifted him a platinum ring & gold ring on his birthdays. 11th March was my birthday & he promised to stay till 10pm that day but after 9 he started showing impatience to leave. I got so upset that I repeatedly told him that I would not go home. Even I said that I wanted to die but he never tried to call me to sorted out things. He went his home & just texted me whether I had reached home.. I didn't reply to his text & surprisingly he didn't even call me. That means he didn't even care whether I reached or not! I was extremely upset & little bit drunk since it was my birthday party. From morning he started to text me 'good morning' as of nothing had happened! I had stopped talking to him completely now. Is he a Narcissist?

[@dudedude5843]

Yes

[@danparish1344]

Yes and you might have borderline personality disorder as well - look into it.

[@aasthaaastha542]

U r beautiful

[@ishitachoudhary345]

@@aasthaaastha542 Thanks ❤️

[@ishitachoudhary345]

@@danparish1344 why did you think so? What makes you feel that I have borderline disorder personality. please elaborate little bit.

[@healingrain195]

thank you for your excellent videos, they truly bring clarity

[@qazwsx753ish]

thank you so much. This "victim" WILL BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@kefkapalazzo1]

I keep trying to tell myself this (mom)... but i can’t accept it past an intellectual level, and that level isn’t deep enough. Shit I’ve exhibited the behavior and I’m very careful to fight that

[@fredflintstone6338]

My narc has told me she does not love me and that she is not capable of love. So much honesty from a narc. Is that normal?

[@samvaknin]

Honesty can be a form of sadism samvak.tripod.com/faq56.html

[@fredflintstone6338]

@@samvaknin thank you for thd insight Sam.

[@kimberlymccracken747]

So well written and spoken. How did you come to understand so much about this subject?

[@TheZicke68]

great start...awerness and honesty with yourself....beein yourself. how about rescuing a dog from a shelter? you can help each other for a better beein and expirence a true loyalty and love witch is not scaring or hurting you....let the dog chose you....trust him!

[@KT-bm6qr]

How do they present a "nice" face to some people, and then take out their abuse on others? Do they know who they can "safely" abuse? (eg people with low self-esteem)? People they think they can silence or that will not speak up?

[@MrTrev01]

When leaving a NP it IS very saddening.They try to attract you back in ineffective ways- they just can't manage the reality of their situation and realise you can see through them. After a time their defences kick in and they withdraw to loneliness or finding another victim [that's the sad truth] Maybe NP is a version of OCD and can co-exist together- in my experience.Neither overtly severe,Maybe for this reason- and why I was fooled. The OCD in the plain NP is possibly fear of love/rejection..

[@MrTrev01]

The self love thing is very tied up with early childhood, Check out Chopich & Paul on Inner Child stuff. There's a route through there potentially- but old habits and relationships can get in the way. [Co-dependencies] A long term suffering partner [and less loneliness- for the NP] or endless quick fixes like a junky, if eventually outed alone.

[@MrTrev01]

Withdrawal of supply would be one route- but as there is always plenty of fresh victims and captured existing ones, it's a hard call! More education is needed- but the world runs on Narcissism these days.

[@jaijay9343]

What I have read and experienced about narcissistic people I believe that it is like the colour of your eyes. No matter what you may do it will not change completely. However, this is not to say that as a human you cannot grow and modify your behaviour through enhanced learning and life experience. Traits can be modified. You have to trust and work upon yourself. It's all upon you and the solution is not outside you.

[@deepmind50]

dr.Vaknin, these videos are EXCELLENT !

[@martinpratley849]

I may seem like one from the outside but i am self centered but i have a problem with showing that i care about others. I am shy therefore i cant show affection so if those two issues were gone, that is the only way i could tell if i could love. I would like to think i would but even though i care about others, if i want that something, i have a problem with others having that same someone or something. I get really jealous when i dont get the attention lol but would love to change.

[@MeandmySara]

That's terrible and I feel so sorry for you. I'm going through the heartbreak of getting over someone who I think is very similar to this - but I certainly did NOT have his kid! I think the best way is to simply acknowledge that your view of who he was - the charismatic, wonderful person you met at first, doesn't really exist. Also, don't project your image or criticisms of this man onto your child. Your child is a beautiful and unique person, totally separate from his/her father.

[@amethysth.1913]

I had a poisonous ex friend like that...he is a psycho and I had to stay away from him asap..and it is true that the narcissist dont love cuz this person I knew he dont care about his child or ppl around him and just want them as objects to satisfy his demands and needs.

[@Absturzprinzessin]

my mother is a narcissist. i had a terrible childhood. i have bpd. think my mom is one reason for. im so unsure now about love. im afraid of love. people like her should not have children

[@MrShin3z]

Very accurate. I can relate to the first type.

[@GlassSnakeFangs]

Strangely, the one thing I love just as much as Psychology, is video games. What happens when you mix the two together? Your friends think you're nuts for over analyzing. I can't help it anymore, it's automatic!! #1 poster child for Narcissistic Personality Disorder? ALBERT WESKER. Hands down.

[@donnaperry1767]

Holly Crap.....this is an exact definition of my X......

[@startover4234]

A very enlightening video thank you so much

[@SherryLaneify]

misunderstandings and often commitment of the ,victimized' person. If the feeling of ,love', the narcissist feels towards the person at the beginning of the story, is at a heavenlike stage, it gets kinda tough to deal with the destructive judgements on the other hand (which might be concealed for a while). Although this chaotic and exhausting lifestyle might not be fully intended by the person, one must not forget that the personality is seriously damaged and they're mainly jackasses.

[@TheOneRebornElyrize]

Of course... Why would you love someone that doesnt love you back? You cant just blindly spill your heart at someone that is not recieving it. Thats not narcissism, thats common sense :/ Love is not unconditional..

[@killertye]

It's a brilliant defence mechanism.

[@samvaknin]

Jane Doughnut Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5013

[@MrTrev01]

[Lyrics] Just can't be friends, Hey? Sex is a power too strong to resist and removes the need to relate to a partner overmuch. it's so basic [and also very necessary]. I wondered why request for punishments came into this- Guilt. They can know what they are doing, then.

[@Mya_water]

I wish I knew this before

[@eveooi67]

Dr Vaknin, Do you know of anyone showing your videos to a narcissist and what were the reactions from the narcissist?

[@bhavikas1804]

They discard it :)

[@Jcastro9444]

I feel the best weapon against a narcissist woman besides no contact is that you have to keep a very masculine frame at ALL times around her. Like rarely complimenting her if ever,little to no validation,boundries and not tolerating their shit,knowing your value at all times. It's funny I look back at it now,I always did this and it definitely challenged her and got her emotional with anger texts. I left the relationship so I know I played her game and beat her in it.

[@jaijay9343]

I think you're making a lot of sense. But I believe there are many types of narcissists personalities like normal individuals do. Hence, each reacts somewhat differently, although they may have core commonalities.

[@ausendundeinenacht]

darvogue hmm self aware ness then You feel empty? Your taste in music reveals that you like passion and or search for it somewhere

[@janesayers897]

Thank you really appreciated Blessings Jane

[@MrTrev01]

In yourself-if you're brave enough to look!

[@blureclick]

They definitely hurt others with this so called “love”. However they are capable of introspection, emotionless of course. Very good video, thank you!

[@kayveroba7968]

All of your videos are so right on target & it's a roller coaster of hell & lies & devastating to us the abused victims it's sadder for us more

[@melodyarnold3439]

Yes , you can get narcissist too leave you ! You start acting like them ! Mirror of there image ! Crazy behavior. ! Thé hâte it ! It drives them crazy ! The think your damage person and yes the will leave you !

[@tamraaah6572]

What a horrible existence! To go through life void of love and feelings? How horrible ... I need to find your video of what causes narcassism? I'm just wondering what kind of trauma would cause a person to shut off that side of them?

[@samvaknin]

Pathological narcissism is a reaction to prolonged abuse and trauma in early childhood or early adolescence. The source of the abuse or trauma is immaterial - the perpetrators could be parents, teachers, other adults, or peers. Pampering, smothering, spoiling, and "engulfing" the child are also forms of abuse - see these: vaksam.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html vaksam.tripod.com/journal42.html metapsychology.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=de&id=419 Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727 The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism vaksam.tripod.com/journal43.html Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5048 Adolescent Narcissist - A Case Study samvak.tripod.com/narcissistadolescent.html

[@tamraaah6572]

Sam Vaknin Thanks for the links!

[@hotlips4000isback2]

The 1st definition you described IS my Mother! :/

[@johannesvanhoek9080]

Thank you sir, you have a new subscriber 👍

[@andaa252000]

But I am sure there is a divine retribution for them.I am sure, with each broken heart they receive big punishment from God, their life must be a total disaster.I am sure they get exactly what they do to others, like a vicious cycle.

[@delethiamoses782]

Thats like using someone, I got one, 4 years relationship, last night,I notice he's in another affair, I went into prayer ,he couldn't wait til I left to go to my praydr room he ran down the hallway to get his phone and he hasn't been here for five days ,he has his own apartment and I have mine ,but im limited to my staying at his home ,he does it like th his ,after being at his apartment, 3 days he makes a excuse to head back to my house and say you have cable, he would stay with me for a day and return back to his place, he says my home is your home but im walking on egg shells at his place not only that even at my place until I notice and figure it out exactly what it is that he's creating or doing, and for the holidays he's not buying no one nothing, and has no spirit of being with me for the holiday, he stop talking about it ,so I say what ate we doing for Christmas, now its a different story . Not only that you can see actually when he was younger he told me that he was traumatized by his mother is brother sister and father I'm taking all the blows of all of them especially at night he has nightmares and dangerous one to where he was hitting me throughout the night read with the heart that I have I love him so much I try to work with him and help him with that on top of that who diagnosed with schizophrenic now enough what I have to go through seem like he blames me for what they do or what they done to him so like I said I'm taking all of their blues if you know what I mean because of what they done to him everything falls on me I believe that they are afraid of him and they don't even allow their hair at their house but where he lives at is 14 other apartments in there now I never want commented or say anything about the people that come to his door when he set my home he wants to take control over everything all right four years of relationship you can answer my door what in the beginning of our relationship he wanted to answer my door never wanted anyone else near me I don't have many friends just Associates and most of them are family he tried to separate me and my family and did a good job at it but their love was stronger than that and just because he feels as though his mother his father weather which is the deceased on his sister was abusing him and not showing him love he says he always got blamed for everything so I don't know because it's so many different stories that he tells me but I couldn't take it no more so I got to turn and strong and ask the Lord to protect my heart and give me Comfort because as of this of December he started showing me different things that allowed me to think that he was in a relationship well he succeeded so I see that he's Heaven Affairs he shows that very well so I decided to show him who I was not to do what he does just because he doesn't doesn't mean that I'm going to do it well you can't quite figure out how this is going to turn out so I decided and the Lord is moving keeping my heart comforted I'm not crying anymore because I love him just that much but now it's turning the other way not saying that I don't care and don't love him no more but I must maintain my distance even though he did with me I showed me that he was interested all of a sudden he showed me that this wasn't happening no more so I took it like that and backed up just left this morning he won't contact me until he's ready to seems like when his luck is not good with one woman he comes back this way I know that is a illness call it what you want but I can't take it no more so I refuse to call him I can't come to his house unexpectedly but he'll show up at my door say that he's far from me but like right around the corner so that describes it and it's like that he says he goes home to Wild out as far as far as his nightmares are concerns and that's for like 4 days to do whatever he does, he does sleep alot cause I saw that not only that he wants me to lay in the bed with him so he gets up I'm a morning person and a woman is not supposed to lay in the bed all day till 5 a clock in the evening after going to bed around 11 and he will get pissed off at me and start a short argument so then he wants to the other person I guess but there's my story and what I'm dealing with he always start little he always start little short argument that's when I know just so he can have a way out to go do whatever it is that he does so me myself as he thought that I was slow that I don't know what's going on in the game says he's playing or whatever you want to call it now this wasn't happening in the beginning of my relationship she quietly tried to get to know me and make decisions for me even in the grocery store I must be in the same all that he's in any man looks at me he tried to go and run up on them or female say why you talking to my girl why you looking at my girl why this and why that he picks up everything for me and other words I don't get to pick out anything even as far as anything that I want in any store he tries to make my mind up manipulation that is to me so I have to let him go but he's going to keep calling and I know his mother side of them because to put your child up on someone else knowing that they have a problem they pretend he tells them bad things about me which are not true his story is all that he letting them know the one thing he drinks he loves to get drunk maybe that's what he goes home to do because he can't do it here not to be judgemental but he gets ridiculous when he drinks all the love in the world comes out we're going to move in together or do I love you so much you're the only one in my corner this is a very hell of a relationship that I've ever seen it's all new to me Shawarma stop by here I know it's a long paragraph but I was just doing some comparison so I just stay my distance and I want Paul I'm not going to that's what he wants wants to see if I'm going crazy without him or crying no I'm not doing that no more so I'm just going to be careful keep my eyes open and myself protected and he doesn't have a job he's on a fixed income imagine Wags and want to self all the time I never seen that stuff like this in my life it's all about him he's just he's back as far as the music industry's and all of that stuff but what happened why don't you have all of that now and for one it seems like he's in and for one it seems like he's in competition in this relationship whatever I do you can do better so he says and he argues about it so it seems like if he don't get his way he's start pouting like a child Last Christmas I bought his mother a gift when it came to rapping the gifts up for even his sister this is stuff that I bought imagine what I had to go through he called it like a child it's my Mother's gift I want to wrap it but you didn't buy it so instead of that I let him go ahead and do it even the gift that he bought I had to put hafen of his mother's gift he tried to lie and say that he bought everything until I spoke up he tried to get away with that so you know he has his mother and his sister against me telling them stuff that's not true and I'm the one who is helping them out with everything and of course I bought new tires for the car Bobby told his family that he brought them I know that he was selling the car the next week which he did I would never had participated in buying them and the lies keep coming so you know I have to get out of this relationship before someone gets hurt over a narcissist game or whatever you want to call it so I'm tired I'd rather let it go he's not going to accept that but I haven't talked to him since he left good morning so when he calls an he call and he will I asked me why haven't I called them and then that's another argument always saying I'm not a cheater and always talking about both sides cheating on women and men he thinks he's a nice guy like he knows everything and tried to put he thinks he's in Einstein like he knows everything and tried to put me down nothing is ever good enough of what I do I have a beautiful home and it's real nice and this is what he says to me he will look and say oh that's nice that then try to rearrange everything and gets mad when I defend myself very controlling he is but now that I figured him out and speak up for myself like I never did before he'll throw stones at me in competition like so that's what I'm dealing with along with other things giving him money always saying that he left his wallet at home his ATM card at home he did it to me last night $20 here $20 there and still I haven't got my money back but I didn't see anything I just want to see if you want to hold to his word unfortunately he's just a big liar I like you said to me yesterday you over here and I do me over there so that gave me application of what she's done so whoever reads this is he can get through it I feel for everyone who's going through it I wish it would stop sisters the show you we have so many people who is a narcissist covert narcissist and wish there was help for them cuz they can be lovable people or pretend to be thank you for reading if you're reading THIS, SO HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE AND BE. GOOD TO YOURSELF AND TO EVERYONE I DONT KNOW WHATS INSTORED FOR ME 🙏for us all.

[@supastar9805]

Spot on description of the person I married.

[@Fossiil-Records]

I'm guessing yet again, it's a no.

[@patriciacarrasco]

throughout all these videos all i do is nod..amazing knowledge! of course its because he IS a narcissist unfortunately!

[@karansetiya3435]

My friend sad to me that he can leave anyone for his so called ego..and if his own father will say something even one bad word to him he will abuse his father 4 time ..

[@latikabenz6289]

I don’t understand why even when the intimate partner behaves as a doormat trying to please the narcissist in everything, he still rejects her and is determined to discard. @Prof. Vaknin

[@samvaknin]

That is because you don't do your homework and search this channel.

[@latikabenz6289]

@@samvaknin separation - individuation process (intimate partner as “dead mother” figure) ?

[@kynchan3332]

So long as the narcissist keeps the chaos and drama he has started to himself, bottles all the problems he has created to himself and solves the problem independently without worrying me, using my time or money then I don't care. But often the narc complains, pushes the responsibility of solving narc created problems to others who had no part in creating the problems and expects others to pay for the damage he has caused. A hammer to the narc's head will help the world considerably then no one needs to deal with shit he has attracted and made. Failing that cutting the cancerous narc out of life would be perfect then it can be peaceful.

[@ForcedRejection]

How do feel about things like art and music? Im not sure if there is any solid way to detect a narcissist because there have been ones known to either falsely report they love music, or actually do get pleasure from music, yet do very strange behavior that hurts others in ways that is not normal relationship problems but rather a sociopathy.

[@ForcedRejection]

are there any videos on this channel about how to detect a Narcissist in advance? Although that seems like it would be a very incomplete and imperfect topic, surely there is a start and some ideas?

[@itswhatisee957]

Dr Sam , am I correct to understand this like "I am not ready to receive love yet because I have to heal first?

[@warsilver99]

@SwobyJ Believe me I've been working on it... sometimes it just slips out of me though.. kind of like a child who lets slip foul language in front of their parents, if you know what I mean... but there is the old saying that "what someone doesn't know can't hurt them", and I usually use that saying pretty literally...

[@kayveroba7968]

3 DVD's & 8 books offer

[@AbrahamLechLacha]

My “mother “ used to have a dog. And her fondest memory of “Princess “ ( of course she named her dog that!) was the night the poor dog had given birth to a liter of stillborns. To me, it was the wrong Biotch...

[@manystylz]

Very good videos thank you Sam Vaknin !

[@MrTrev01]

Have you thought of trying mediation? [any sort]

[@Devotchka161]

Insightful, yet sad

[@karinaklinkeviciute2444]

I've read somewhere that shame and love compete in human brain and a person can't at the same time feel shame and love (both ways, to love others and to be loved). Can't this be somehow connected to how narcissists love and how they seem to stop love their partner when they are criticized or told "no" (which they also might perceive as criticism, like their wishes are no good)?

[@katrinaembrey1886]

Thankyou!! I have watched a few of your videos.. and you have explained my ex to a T.. now how do I over come the emotional turmoil I am still in 4 years later?? Unfortunately I had a child to this.. thing!