Can You Go to Confession If You're Not Sorry? (Aquinas 101)

[@rschiwal]

Don't confuse contrition with remorse. Remorse is an emotion, contrition is a decision. The very act of going to confession shows that you acknowledge your sin and make the decision not to do it again. If you plan on sinning again and choose not to even try to improve, you are committing the sin of presumption.

[@Organic_Organist]

Thank you

[@swashyhimself]

It’s important to hold nothing back no matter how humiliating. If the humiliation threatens you, see it as a gift of reparation on the temporal debt you owe

[@ThomasReeves-s7u]

That's traditionally been more my problem, finding it to humiliating to say. Although a confession guide indicated watching impure TV or film is a sin. Given that's pretty much all TV and film these days I am struggling with that. I almost wish I hadn't read it because I admit the idea I have to give up up all TV, movies, and books that don't adhere to Catholic sexual morality feels extremely difficult. How do Catholic movie critics work? Or am I overthinking it and by "impure TV or film" it means porn and erotica.

[@DoubleOhSilver]

@@ThomasReeves-s7u That's sort of what it means. Anything that stirs up the feeling of lust should be avoided. This can be difficult, since we rarely see any expression of the human body (particularly the female body) except erotica in most media. Even nudity is not meant to be erotica. Old art understands such but these days, people have trouble separating the two. Anyway, Catholic sexual morality is hard these days, but it is the true and good one. Avoid any media that shows too much, especially when it's needlessly. I know it might sound ridiculous but it really is subliminal messaging to get us to see it as normal - which draws us into sin. Most media is trash these days anyway, you won't be missing much.

[@swashyhimself]

@@ThomasReeves-s7u my brother. Excellent question the modern culture is pure filth. For me, it’s music. I can’t listen to a simple song without lyrics that make me cringe. Even music I enjoy without overtly impure lyrics have rhythms instruments which disrupt the spirit. A few years ago if someone told me this I would have laughed in their face. I would say use your common sense and pray to discern as much as you can but if a good film has a sex scene and you’re confident you can take it in the context of the work as a whole it should be ok? Even if it’s not I’m simply not advanced enough to reject the whole culture I have to live in the world I can’t abandon everything to become a monk

[@crusaderACR]

​@@ThomasReeves-s7u You have to know WHY these things are considered sinful. You see, these could be what's called _near occasions of sin._ An easy example is an alcoholic who visits a bar with friends he knows will push him to drink. He hasn't fallen yet, but he has willingly put himself in a dangerous situation, and thus he sins. Pornography is a near occasion of sin when it comes to sins of lust. It depends on your circumstances, but often when it comes to movies with bad parts it might be enough to close your eyes or skip the parts that may put you in danger. You have to gauge that for yourself. Maybe you especially struggle with lust, and so you must avoid them altogether no matter what.

[@ThomasReeves-s7u]

@@crusaderACR Oh okay. I was briefly worried it meant I'm supposed to basically avoid pretty much all TV as even relatively clean shows, like the Middle back in the day, sometimes indicated a character watched porn or had premarital sex off-camera. (Ruby & the Well, plus some other BYUTV shows, don't have anything but be odd to limit myself to the "Mormon" channel.)

[@ktnsteve]

I love how our priests say, “By the power vested in me…” I feel suddenly so grateful for our Church. Thank-you, God! ✝️🙏🏽💟

[@heroesofhylia]

How do I know if I'm truly sorry for my sin? Is it a feeling, or a state of mind? What if I'm sorry because I know it's a sin, but I find myself using mental gymnastics to justify it anyway? Please pray for me and everyone else who struggles with this. Thank you, and God bless you! EDIT: Thank you for your responses, everyone! The support and frankness are very appreciated!

[@evelynyvargas]

I guess when we change our sinful actions. I need to go to confession soon.

[@boydnicol]

How you know if you’re truly sorry for your sin is if you understand why what you did was wrong, and don’t want to go to hell, and want to be with God in heaven. It comes from a deep place in the heart, as well as the mind, understanding that sin is missing the mark of God, doing what you shouldn’t do for the sake of your self and your own interest as opposed to the interest and will of God. That is what makes sense to me. What do you think?

[@evelynyvargas]

@@boydnicol I like your perspective. I also remember the priest saying that having contrition is NOT just about the fear of going to hell but remorse for offending God because you love God. When we love someone, we don't want to hurt them. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I will continue reflecting on your words today as I prepare for my next confession.

[@shortstopmotions]

If you know that you have offended God and you know that you must change your sinful ways,you are sorry

[@AndrewTheMandrew531]

@@evelynyvargasPerfect contrition (sorry for sin because it offends God) vs imperfect contrition (sorry for sin because of Hell). Both are sufficient dispositions for forgiveness of sins within the Sacrament of Reconciliation. On top of the normal things, like the intent to not commit mortal sin again.

[@FirstPost5]

This is such a beautiful explanation. I am very grateful.

[@widyasantoso4910]

You can go into a confession booth and not be sorry. You can be pronounced free of sin by the confessional priest and not be sorry. You can undertake penance prayers and not be sorry. But that is only making the motions. Unless you are contrite, ready to release the guilt in your heart, only then can you be absolved of your sin.

[@mexicangunslinger915]

I do not know if its okay if to ask for prayer here my name is Hector if you guys don't mind praying for me

[@CrusaderTube]

🙏

[@DistributistHound]

🙏

[@isaiah3872]

Ok Hector

[@christianasunbabaara4739]

May the the answer your earnest desires

[@phylocybe_]

I will pray for you

[@DistributistHound]

Thank you very much 🙏

[@karenrodgers56]

Thank you so much for these clear , concise and helpful explanations.. bless you all, Karen

[@Sevenspent]

On the part of forgetting sins, when I went after 20+ years, I forgot some serious sin and I was praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal any sins I might have missed. Well, a sin started coming up randomly attacking my conscious 5 times in a week, so I wrote it down and went to confession agian asap. So God will have your back on that if you worry about that.

[@timrichardson4018]

A very good point. Confession and the instructions of the Church are not "gotchas". God wants desperately to forgive and heal us of sin because it harms us. All the sacraments are gifts to us to grant grace to help us. God isn't looking to let us fall through the cracks on a technicality. If we approach the sacraments in good faith, contrition, and firm purpose of amendment, we can be assured we have received the grace God promises.

[@ryanEstandarte]

8:30 This has to be highly emphasized because priests today are scared to ask this to the penitent. I'm thankful for the Traditional Catholic Priest who really asked me how many times I committed this sin when I went to him for confession. It was then I realized that I am accountable for the sins which I committed and I felt shame when I told him how many times I did it. Thank you Lord!

[@BobbyBobBob-d5l]

POPE BENEDICT XVI: “People should not fear God, thinking he is always ready to punish, but rather they should love him because he is always ready to forgive. God is not a relentless sovereign who condemns the guilty, but a loving father whom we must love not out of fear of punishment, but because of his goodness. The Lord is a God who is just, but always ready to reveal himself as merciful and compassionate.God loves us in a way that we might call “obstinate” and enfolds us in his inexhaustible tenderness. The anger and mercy of the Lord alternate in a dramatic sequence, but love triumphs in the end, for God is love. God’s passionate love for his people - for humanity - is at the same time a forgiving love. It is so great that it turns God against himself, his love against his justice.”

[@crusaderACR]

Fear of punishment is step one, what Pope Benedict was encouraging is step two because it certainly is better.

[@BobbyBobBob-d5l]

@@crusaderACR Yes, fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but only the BEGINNING. As we grow spiritually we are faithful to God, not because we fear him, but because we know how much he loves us.

[@bobbobberbobalina]

Still dont know if i should go to confession. I never feel sorry for my sins. I can acknowledge they were wrong and take steps to not repeat them without feeling bad for doing them.

[@ThomisticInstitute]

Thanks for your question! It sounds like you are making an act of your will ("I admit it was wrong and I resolve not to do it again") but your feelings are lagging behind. That's OK and it does sometimes happen. Your feeling of being sorry is not as important as the act of your will - and repentance really is about the act of your will.

[@theden3162]

How can one objectivly know what costitutes grave matter. I have a real problem with that, I don't want to make all sin mortal because its not, and on the other hand i don't want to think that grave sins are actually venial...

[@timrichardson4018]

Fair question. But I think this is the point where we should not over technicalize these things. Bottom line is only God knows for sure which sins are venial or mortal. But for us, all sin eventually leads to death if not dealt with. Venial sin will lead to mortal sin sooner or later if left unchecked. So, if there is any doubt if it's mortal or not, just go to confession. The temptation is to excuse ourselves. We shouldn't do this. We should strive to rid ourselves of all sin. But to offer some comfort. Jesus prays on the cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." It's hard to imagine those involved in his crucification having zero understanding of what they were doing. They clearly knew they were killing someone. However, Jesus saw a certain ignorance in them and forgave them. Now, I'm not saying this view is official Church teaching about this particular verse. But it does seem that Jesus leans hard toward mercy and recognizes factors that lessen guilt. Another point. Justice and mercy seem to be opposites on the surface. But you can't have true justice without mercy. In the end, those who clearly deserve punishment are those who were offered every chance of repentance and forgiveness but refused to accept it. That proves that they genuinely loved sin more.

[@JeremiahONeal-t8y]

Do you consider accommodations for those with certain disabilities such as narcissism who may lack the ability to feel sorry?

[@CMVBrielman]

I would be interested if there is anything specifically to help people who know their desire for a specific sin is wrong, and will confess it, but don’t want to stop. By way of analogy, the person who, rather than stealing their neighbor’s cake, sits down and eats their own vegetables, but is still miserable for not having the cake.

[@mts0628]

Along with contrition you must have a firm purpose of amendment, meaning you want to change. In this case if you don't want to change but rather you would like to keep sinning then are you really sorry? Remember it's God's will that we are trying to emulate, not just out of fear of punishment, but we want to be good people. To be a good person means that we want to achieve the Beatific Vision. A common sin is an adulterous relationship. You love the person, and you may have married them after you've been married and divorced or they have, well unless you give up that adulterous relationship, you can't be forgiven. Because you don't have the will to change that sin. Another one is a homosexual relationship. There is nothing wrong with being a homosexual, as long as you don't act on those impulses. The problem is when the desires turn into action. This goes against God's will. In both instances, it's better to be alone with the hope that you will achieve heaven by giving up these sinful relationships. But remember, you are never alone. I will pray for you, please pray for me because I am a wicked sinner. Ave Maria!

[@CMVBrielman]

@ I’m referring to the person who refrains from acting, but is miserable doing so.

[@crusaderACR]

​@@CMVBrielmanFeelings don't matter. What you decide is all that matters.

[@CMVBrielman]

@ I am not inclined to agree with this. The prayer goes “I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words.” Our interior mental state is not just our own.

[@crusaderACR]

@@CMVBrielman Feelings are not your thoughts. It's not something voluntary, and thus God won't punish in their account. For this you have to distinguish what the Church calls the passions from the will. The passions are things like anger, arousal, sadness, regret. Things of the will are love, sorrow, things that you actually will into your mind. It would only be sinful if you actually did something voluntarily that would cause them, like watching porn in the case of lust. Even then the feelings won't be sinful per se, but the fact that you voluntarily aroused a passion that clouds your mind and makes it much more likely that you sin.

[@zita-lein]

Are you saying that if I linger lovingly on the scent of a cake wafting in thru my window, I have committed the sin of theft in my heart? I’m willing to take that up with Jesus when next I see him. ❤️💙

[@crusaderACR]

Only the moment you decide to steal. If it's just feelings it's fine, but you shouldn't keep entertaining the idea of stealing. Maybe think about buying yourself a cake of your own instead haha.

[@ljront3126]

I am sorry. But people overthink and hide their feelings. I don’t know, what to say, if the anger exists or declared. Trying to calm down is not always logical. Sometimes we are very emotional

[@joshualeboeuf2926]

Would fear of punishment involve fear of separation from God? How would this be classified? My greatest sorrow and fear

[@romerojuniorarts]

I dont think so. Attrition just means to be scared of being hurt with the just punishment for a wrongdoing. The fear of separation from God looks like love for God, but you need to have it clear in your mind that loving God includes willing what God wills.

[@zml1982]

This is something I often question. How can I go to confession if I haven't had the intimate realization that I've sinned, but only because I've been told that something is a sin? Imperfect contrition is unlikely to stop us from sinning because no one can live in a permanent state of “terror of punishment”. Isn't the role of self-control through the will overrated? José

[@turbonis1]

May I ask something, if someone killed someone and went to confession. Does contrition include surrendering him/herself to the authorities?

[@canonwright8397]

To commit a mortal sin, you have to know it's wrong; you have to want to do it, and you have to do it. So, are all mortal sins just the breaking of the Ten Commandments? Or could eating too much ice cream be a mortal sin? I don't remember seeing gluttony in the Ten Commandments.

[@michaelhaywood8262]

What if I struggle with something, which I know I will have difficulty with. Example, I find itt ifficult to stay focused on my prayers, to say the Rosary in a good meditative manner and to keep attention at Mass. I make frequent confession but find it very difficult to improve.

[@lumpichu]

Same for me. Maybe it's some light form od ADHD? So terrible it's for me. But it was mentioned in the video, it shouldn't bother us, as long as we resolve to not to do it and do what we are able (even if we predict it'll happen again). A second reason is, if I'm not mistaken, they're not mortal sins (at least if it's not with our full intention), we shouldn't even expect us not to do some, even if we don't want to do them.

[@rinogrzinic4943]

Not when he is wrong and teaches against the magisterium.

[@ThCh-lh8cd]

Is a confession legitimate if you do not say the act of contrition ? As I have gone to confession and the priest does not ask me to say the act of contrition (I asked him once and he said I can say privately) but most priest ask you to say right away out loud.

[@sandyriver4705]

So I dont get it. If you hold back a sin in your confession, nor all your sins are absolved? Or only the unconfessed one?

[@ThomisticInstitute]

If you intentionally hold back a grave sin and don't confess it (we're not talking about unintentionally forgetting it), then yes, you're right, none of your sins are absolved. Here's what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says (CCC #1456): "When Christ's faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest."

[@ThomisticInstitute]

Here's a cartoon from the old Baltimore Catechism making the same point: www.ldysinger.com/@texts2/1962_sj_balt_cat/x-05_bad-confession.jpg

[@aisthpaoitht]

Should we confess something that we don't believe is wrong? It seems no, because we can't be sorry if we didn't think it was wrong. And it wouldn't be a mortal sin anyways. Faking contrition for something we don't think is wrong seems disingenuous.

[@phylocybe_]

Thinking that something is not sinful does not inherently make it not sinful. Ignorance CAN lessen the culpability but it doesn’t change the nature of the action.

[@aisthpaoitht]

@phylocybe_ Correct. But mortal sin requires KNOWLEDGE of the wrong. If the person doesn't know it's wrong, there is no mortal sin.

[@rinogrzinic4943]

Please tell Pope Francis that this is how it works. The statements he has made about forgiving even so one who is not sorry for their sins and willing to try and change.

[@jaredwilliams1031]

He is the Pontiff and the Supreme Vicar and has God-given Authority and Charism to speak on this subject. We owe him full submission of Intellect and Will.

[@nascot123]

@@jaredwilliams1031 While it is true the pope carries this authority, it should be noted that he does not exercise this authority in every single one of his statements or actions. We do not have the give full submission of intellect and will to statements made outside a magisterial context(such as an official doctrinal document like an encyclical or a statement that uses precise wording that indicates the pontiff wishes his statement to be authoritative and binding on matters of faith and morals). To my understanding the comments that Pope Francis has made regarding confession have been statements made in a private capacity, and therefore are not binding. Additionally, it should be noted that submission of intellect and will is only required for acts of the ordinary/non-infallible magisterium, and while it truly is binding for the faithful, it is not a complete and total exterior or interior submission, so even those acts could be open to criticism, albeit under particular circumstances.

[@jacktracy8356]

Romans 3:22 KJV “even the righteousness of GOD which is by faith of JESUS CHRIST unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: 23 for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of GOD; 24 being justified freely by HIS grace (free gift) through the redemption that is in CHRIST JESUS: 25 Whom GOD has set forth to be a propitiation (CHRIST crucified for the forgiveness of all sin satisfying the penalty for sin which is death for us in our place) through faith in HIS blood, to declare HIS righteousness for the remission of sins that are past (all sin is forgiven and in the past), through the forbearance of GOD; 27 Where is boasting then (relying on your own works to earn/deserve salvation)? It is excluded. By what law? of works? No: but by the Law of Faith. 28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law (works)." (Parenthesis mine)