Can you spot the red flags of domestic violence?

Red flags are hard to spot and even harder to escape.
From controlling behaviours to something just feeling a bit ‘off’, the red flags of domestic violence and coercive control present themselves in different ways for different people. When we can spot the red flags, we can help stop domestic violence in our own relationship or someone else’s.
To find out more about relationship red flags, please visit www.thehandyguide.com.au

[@thepalaceworm]

She gave her son some food and without a sound, he quickly went into his room to eat it. Kids feel abuse too.

[@JessicaMcGowan-bu4ls]

The silence was oppressive - also the child sitting alone in a room. What an unhappy home for the wife and children.

[@Ronkyort0dox]

I thought the chair was abuse cause chairs are abudive

[@JessicaMcGowan-bu4ls]

@@Ronkyort0dox don't understand 'chairs are abudive'

[@misottovoce]

I must have missed that. I did not see that at all. Does anyone understand what he said in the beginning? Even with volume up, could not clearly understand it.

[@JessicaMcGowan-bu4ls]

@@misottovoce I did not hear him speak either - just puts the "gifts" down and leaves the door open for the household servants to close.

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

The fact the kid's room door was opened was the first sign. Kids at any age, want privacy. A normal kid's door would probably be closed. But he has no privacy. And he's completely silent throughout the entire video. Nothing silences a child, other than fear.

[@DelRae]

Also who puts their kids room right at the front door, that makes me so nervous if there was a break in he’d be stuck being the first responder to the situation

[@cakatama9046]

I thought it because the kid wanted some air circulation. At least in my family house is like that. Too lazy to turn on the fans

[@kyokosakura3192]

​@@cakatama9046You can open a window for air.

[@nancyfancy9825]

Lol me

[@crazychicken8290]

you think too hard i leave my door open all the time who carese

[@Durta_idk]

Red Flags for people who are confused: 0:01 -flowers & candy Implies that the husband’s love-bombing his wife, which is a manipulation tactic where the abuser buys a bunch of gifts to convince the victim to stay with them and endure the abuser’s terrible treatment 0:12 -chair Chair has food on it (I think?), implying that the kid’s eating dinner in his room to avoid his parents 0:20 -laundry Earlier, at 0:10, you can faintly hear the husband say, “where have you been? What’s going on? You were meant to quit today. I don’t want you working.” I think the laundry is supposed to imply that the husband is forcing the wife to do all the housework instead of letting her work at her job, although I’m not sure. 0:27 -remote Husband isn’t letting her watch the channel she wants to watch 0:34 -notepad & receipt The husband’s making a list of all the things his wife has bought, implying that he’s controlling everything she buys. 0:42 and 0:52 -phones The wife’s friends are calling her, but the husband isn’t letting her answer the phone. 1:08 -dress Controlling what she wears

[@stevo7220]

I mean they can hold a list together of they buy its not thats a red flag this red flags are not really red flags tbh except clearly obvious ones .

[@I_the_Taco]

the laundry one is the husband wanting to control the family's finances so they can't leave

[@AuntFlo81]

To add to some of these: -When the flag shows up in the kid's room, you can hear the dad yelling at the mom. -The person on the couch is folding a bunch of green shirts similar to what he's wearing. They may be his work shirts. She's also folding them very neatly. If they're not for work, maybe he controls what the entire family wears. -Regarding the notebook, there's a small pile of change on top, implying that she has to bring back exact change and show receipts. -He's deleting some of the calls/texts from the cell phone -The message on the house phone is someone concerned that they haven't seen someone in a while.

[@TrueWalker88]

@@AuntFlo81 This was all a repeat of what was said, except for the green shirts.

[@TrueWalker88]

@@stevo7220 Obvi the topic of the video is DV, so they are red flags in that context.

[@angharadswansea9343]

Been there. Before we got married I told my husband if he ever laid a hand on me I would leave. He did and I did. Best decision I ever made was to leave.

[@hobomike6935]

*when you try to hold hands with a woman after the 10th date in woke society:* ⬆️

[@orionlion8339]

???? what are you on about@@hobomike6935

[@alphamail8974]

​@@hobomike6935lmao goofy male. The phrase "lay a hand on me" means to "assault"... If you ask Women for their permission, you can touch. Maybe you just need to learn about consent more... because the Women I touch don't have an issue, and they're pretty "woke".

[@alphamail8974]

So glad you left! These people think that they can treat us however they want, especially after marriage. Nope! So happy for you 💖

[@jmarais]

are you 12 @@hobomike6935

[@midnytevega2777]

I envy children nowadays for one reason only. That they have access to so much information which enables them to spot the differences between a healthy household and a dysfunctional one. Growing up, I observed all of this happening and thought it to be normal. I remember comfortably watching a TV show with my two sisters then scrambling to change the channel when we heard our father's car pull up. My mother was never permitted work and when she was finally allowed to he burdened her with everything...from bills to groceries, you name it, while he banked the majority of his money. My mother was never even allowed to visit her own parents. She had to go to work and come back home to take care of the house all while enduring him cussing her out for things he never achieved in life. I lost count the times she left the house to get away from him. He'd bring her back...give her a couple of smiles for about a day and it was back to the same old shit. She finally left his ass but the damage done to myself and my siblings was already done. I pray that no one ever has to endure what I've experienced at the hands of a text book narcissist. Seek help immediately by any means necessary because a life time of bad memories isn't worth the peace you're sacrificing right now.

[@nancyfancy9825]

I'm the kid who knows that I have a fucked-up family. As for your last message, I'm trying. I'm trying really hard.

[@mhost8147]

That was so frustrating to even imagine myself in that situation, your mother must have a low self-esteem, though I don't blame her

[@dancingprincessmj]

Thank you for your comment you are very accurate and I’m so sorry you also endured this. What you described is exactly what I went through as a child and watched my mom go through these notions. I wish I’d had access to this knowledge too back then but I’m glad we will break the cycle 🙏🏻

[@someonethereQ]

@@iamfighterman9646 this is deranged to type, even if you're trolling

[@alienbenny8384]

Because ive been through this kind of abuse i get honestly terrified of doing this to other ppl and end up spotting things or spotting things late and i break down scared I'm becoming the one thing that hurt me.

[@GreatBigBore]

I was confused throughout. I grew up in what I think of as an abusive household, but I recognized only a couple of the indicated problems: switching the remote away from what the daughter was watching, controlling what the wife was wearing, and the wife's sad, fake smile. I've read through the comments for clues, and I guess I sort of get the flowers thing, but not much else, and even some of the comments are confusing. For example, my mother was too afraid of him to try anything passive-aggressive. To the video makers, if you're trying to reach people who _don't_ recognize the signs, might I suggest that you spell them out a bit more clearly? This clueless person wants to become less clueless; I'm sure there are more out there

[@endgamefond]

So true. What is the purpose of a video if they dont teach us a thing or two.

[@amandamorgan2802]

Explain the flowers?

[@andrewsparks4112]

So would the wife and kid, not having keys to the house. Another sign?

[@phuturelee3420]

@@amandamorgan2802 The flowers are most likely the husband's way to pacify wifey. Numerous abused women will often take the delusional angle "but he loves me, I know he does because he tells me so".

[@phuturelee3420]

I got you GreatBigBore. I've seen this hundreds of times in my field. Like you said this is what you saw and thought it was commonplace. The husband and wife for that mattter probably grew up in the same type of household. The degree may vary but at the end of the day it's still abuse. So many women stay with their husband because they have no source of income and have no where to go. A lot of women have travelled down Delusional Avenue and are hoping that the tiny glimmer of hope that they have will shine brighter. At the end of the day the victim(s) are literally terrified of even thinking for themselves much less stand up to Capt. Wifebeater. Anytime you hear Order of Protection isn't it usually after the fact. If it feels bad, it can't be good. There was a woman who survived after being shot in the face by her husband. Ask her if she's happy. You survived my friend. I hope this helps anyone who reads this. Just passing my expertise and love.

[@Evajeanfreedom]

The overbearing silence is the most obvious and uncomfortable thing for me. When we were young I remember it being like this whenever my father was home. When he wasn't home - it was relaxed and full of laughter.

[@valeriacastro2746]

​@iamfighterman9646 this is the dumbest reply

[@wai828]

@@iamfighterman9646 You have no idea how parenting works.

[@oh_bruhh]

omg i get exactly what you mean. my mum's second husband (now ex thankfully) was horrible to be around and it was only after like three or four years of living with him, after he finally got a job, that i finally had some moments where i could feel comfortable leaving my room. he worked part-time, so i wasn't getting that much time without him but i ended up memorising his work schedule because whenever he was gone it was like the highlight of my day

[@oh_bruhh]

@@iamfighterman9646because I was 12 and I also had school and a social life. and I feel like you’re missing one of the points of the video, which is that a lot of abusers don’t allow their victims to get jobs. He absolutely would have found it suspicious if I had a job, especially at 12. Not to mention that that job market makes it nearly impossible for people under 18 to find work (at least in my country that’s the case)

[@maryallouche9490]

@@iamfighterman9646 wow, not being relaxed around parents doesn’t mean they are good at disciplining, it means that the kids don’t feel safe around them. And if your kid doesn’t feel safe with you, then you failed as a parent because what’s the difference between you and a stranger ?

[@error-try-again-later]

The constant silence is the biggest red flag.

[@Dragon-Slay3r]

Police eye is damaged, I thought they law enforcement not a cult? 😂 That's why they tried to damage my eye with crash? who am I? Where am I? How am I?😂

[@Dragon-Slay3r]

Police eye is damaged, I thought they law enforcement not a cult? 😂 That's why they tried to damage my eye with crash? who am I? Where am I? How am I?😂

[@leedle1020]

another good indicator i think is if they answer a question regarding their behavior with a question. If you're asking why they have to know everything you buy, it's along the lines of "Why? Are you trying to hide something from me?" or If you ask why you have to wear a certain clothing item its: "Am i not allowed to ask you to change?" or "am i not allowed to have a spouse that looks good?" A green flag is someone who sits down with you to discuss issues. Someone who respects and remembers your boundaries.

[@joycechacko8207]

A lot of people have commented about asking your spouse where they've spent money as abuse. I do understand it does amount to abuse when you make your partner feel like they don't have a right over the money. But what happens if the partner overspends? Or never create or stick to the budget? I wonder if the anxiety and pressure to earn more and more so you could support your partner's lifestyle is considered abuse 🤔

[@leedle1020]

@@joycechacko8207 hm, i get where's you're coming from. The red flag that is most common regarding the abuser controlling their partners spendings, is that the person spending is, more often than not, spending their own money - which is exactly what makes it controlling and abusive when a partner begins to dictate how much you spend and on what. It's just another form of controlling the victim along with many other red flags. Now, for partners that are both supported by only one person's income it can be a bit different. Let's say that there's one partner who earns and the other overspends the money and pressures the earning partner to earn more to cater to the spending partner's wants: This is unhealthy and can definitely be or become abusive. The key is always communication, and the point of my comment is really just signs of an unhealthy, possibly abusive, relationship based off of the partners attitude and response. If a partner responds badly/angrily to a civil and rational discussion where you are trying to create boundaries/share feelings, it is usually a very red flag.

[@joycechacko8207]

@@leedle1020Hmmm...makes sense. I've been on both ends. As a child, I was made keenly aware of how my father's money was his. So I grew up with a sense of never asking for money or at least limiting my expenses to a bare minimum. But then I ended up marrying someone where I was the breadwinner. Because of my past, I was all too conscious of not letting my partner feel what I had felt growing up. My card was mostly with him and he was responsible for taking care of the household expenses. And I would be left with zero balance when the month ended, sometimes even before that. I'm someone who saves so this always made me feel anxious. So I had to limit the budget. I tried with sending only the monthly budget to his account each month. But he'd spend it all and we would have to dig into the rest of it in my account. I finally started locking my money up in a fixed deposit scheme, so even I couldn't take the money out when he asked. He wasn't being malicious. Just didn't know how to control his expenses. So I would try asking him where he'd spend as a way of making him conscious of the spending. But even that didn't work. I felt like a terrible person for doing that but I also needed to do it if we could save money for our future needs. So, this is an issue I've always been very conflicted about. Communication only works if there is a reciprocal action taken after that. In my case, I had to clamp down on the boundaries by just locking away all the money, because neither could I say no to him (due to my past) nor could he stop spending extravagantly. I've, unfortunately, not seen a balanced way of dealing with this issue (either in the past or the present). Not sure if ranting on a public platform is the right way of going about it either 😶

[@spacebar9733]

No one should telling you how to dress whether you've sat down or not.

[@Tushar_Talwar_09]

Men bad. Why do i never see female abusers in these propaganda ads considering lesbian couples have the highest rates of interpersonal violence. Feminist propaganda has become cliche.

[@valeriepenn5362]

Red flags were silent treatment, not talking to others freely on phone, telling you what to wear, not respecting what she was already watching on TV, faking happiness to keep peace

[@decodolly1535]

I've only ever had one encounter with a guy who I imagine probably became a serious abuser. During dinner on our third date we got into a mild disagreement - until he told me to accept he was right (he wasn't) or I'd 'get what was coming' to me. He wasn't joking, this *was* a threat. I put cash for my share of the bill on the table, told him never to contact me and left. He actually called me the following day. Biggest red-flag for me, in fact it was glowing like a wildfire, he had absolutely no understanding at all, just zero comprehension, that I'd walked out because he'd threatened to hit me. Obviously to him, that was perfectly normal behaviour. Plainly that was blatant potential violence, but I've still always considered I dodged a major bullet.

[@mikerowave1986]

I grew up in a very poor “family” that was deeply infected by violence. My father never brought flowers, he was a bipolar depressed alcoholic, beated up my mother and us regularly, my sisters and I turned against each other due to unhealthy uneven treatment from my mother, I hated to be at home and loitering a lot, and got punished for that. I was a silent kid at home but I had severe behavior issues at school which would be a clear indicator of domestic violence, but it was just blamed on me, I got punished for that too. Nobody really cared about such things in 90’s eastern europe. I was labelled as a “bad kid”. I grew up thinking I’m a bad person, with zero confidence and inability to love and maintain a healthy relationship. That brought insecurity, anxiety and addictions. It took decades for me to put myself back on track, realize that the problem wasn’t with me, but I still carry the scars. I’m a father now, want to ensure a happy childhood for my son, do everything I can to raise him to a healthy, confident, happy man by giving him the love and safety I never got. Needless to say, my parents are not really interested in seeing my little son. Parents, please don’t ruin your kids, they’ll grow up one day and realize everything you did

[@dannygjk]

I definitely see psychological abuse.

[@josephkane7805]

Yes as in "I thought I said the green dress". Clearly a sign of a control freak.

[@simplystreeptacular]

@@josephkane7805 Exactly. I don't see anything wrong with an SO expressing a preference - "hey I really like that one green dress you wore the other day, I'd love to see you in it tonight" - but that was outright controlling.

[@OkumuraRyuk]

This waited a lot to come out. While people like our parents/older siblings went through all these hardships and their friends and families called it normal because "the men is the one who rules" and "you should please your men".

[@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933]

And people get away with claiming that they're in a "BDSM" relationship

[@ffslof8807]

And a big problem is often there's more behind it like church or something else that reinforces these men to do all that. Turned every father into a cult leader and every home into an island (from Shiny Happy People).

[@deppblackthorn8365]

I hate that mindset, i swear to god if i happen to marry someone who will just controll everything, might as well die than to be in his reach. I'll never settle for that treatment.

[@Watchmanskey]

@@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933 That's why I find it hard to trust BDSM. You never truly know if someone's actually consented or they are brainwashed/coerced

[@Cheshieruu]

@@Watchmanskey yeah, properly practiced bdsm has safewords and check-ins. both the dom and the sub are supposed to practice in safe, sane, and consensual environments and mindsets. it's also the same way some people claim to be "swingers" or "poly", only so that the dude can fuck around while controlling the woman.

[@maple_awesome610]

0:01 I recognized the 1st red flag immediately after he walked through the door, although I never realized it was a common one until now. My mom's ex-husband would always shower her in gifts and even as a child I knew what he was doing. It took me a long time to accept that guys can just give gifts out of the goodness of their hearts and not to 'buy' forgiveness.

[@jameliakingstom1190]

Not necessarily some men just love to do nice things for their wife

[@maple_awesome610]

@@jameliakingstom1190 Of course. There's nothing wrong with doing nice things out of the goodness of your heart in a relationship, however there's a clear difference between that and what abusers do which is only give gifts following an argument/beating. At that point, they're doing it just to APPEAR like a good, loving spouse and essentially buy themselves forgiveness because that's cheaper/easier than putting in the work to actually change as a person. If a guy is always sweet in terms of both personality and generosity, then that's amazing. If he's only sweet to save his own behind, then the relationship needs to be questioned.

[@arthistoryluv]

One thing i noticed was we only heard his voice in the house, apart from the TV and voicemail

[@3piper]

The two kids did not greet him .Not even a Hi Dad. he brought flowers home but did not give them to his wife just left them in the hallway. Contro;ling what she wore. I got a few of them

[@vka337]

Every happy family is happy the same way. But every unhappy family is unhappy in its own unique way.

[@thatcreepygirl]

What a fresh thought.

[@zairamagomedova8844]

@@thatcreepygirl It's not really fresh, it's an epigraph of the novel "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy

[@thatcreepygirl]

@@zairamagomedova8844 seems i lost my "sarcasm" sign

[@mrsery5941]

man, stop being passive aggressive you cu*t@@thatcreepygirl

[@neptun2810]

@@zairamagomedova8844 I remembered it from the Game "The Witcher 3", in a storyline that also is partially about domestic violence.

[@lkeke35]

Th very first read flag was the man walking into the house and no one in the house greets him or speaks to him! Not the wife and not his own child. People usually speak to people when they come home. They say something or smile, or go "Hey!" No one greeted him or interacted with him at breakfast either.

[@ColinTherac117]

It should be noted that that flag can also be a sign that a earning spouse is abused as well. (I say earning spouse to cover nontraditional relationships such as women bread earners and gay relationships). It happens too often that stay at home spouses are abusing their earning spouse by treating them as a slave, making them both do work outside the house as well as forcing them to do most of the work at home as well, while isolating them with no appreciation. In the modern age with robot vacuums, laundry machines, dishwashers, and all the other gadgets, the work that happens inside a home in very minimal and can be done in a few hours a month. With the exception of childcare. This is also a serious problem as my sister was a stay at home mom while my niece was very small and the lack of anything to do except in her words "keep her daughter breathing" was a very depression inducing situation even though her husband is a great man with a wonderful sense of humor. Though of course that is not the case in the video's situation as we see from the other flags.

[@psychicbyinternet]

@@ColinTherac117 Yeah I doubt that. Unless you're rich, you probably won't have most of the appliances mentioned except a dishwasher and laundry machine (and many people don't even have those). That still leaves vacuuming, cleaning that doesn't involve robots (there's a lot of that, it basically never ends - dusting, scrubbing tubs, showers, baseboards, kitchen fixtures, counters, etc), mopping, decluttering, washing mirrors and windows, organizing, laundry folding, ironing, etc), cooking meals for your spouse and children 3 times a day, making sure you keep on top of repairs to appliances, yard work, booking appointments, bills, grocery shopping, budgeting, walking your dog if you have one, driving your kids to school and activities and playdates, etc. That's a lot of time. If you have servants, robots, money to order food, personal assistants, etc then sure it's easy, but most people aren't that rich and have to do it all themselves. I agree that sometimes men are made to work and do all the housework and cooking but as you said, that is not the case in this video. And a lot of the time women are made to do everything as well. In both cases, that is abusive and unacceptable.

[@DM-nw5lu]

@@ColinTherac117"It happens too often"? Where and how? That set-up sounds very, very rare to me. Especially as in this case the wife is working, too.

[@Readyuv]

People in comment are really insane, these are really red flags, it's like a terror movie.

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

No. They have no idea of the situation.

[@missmayflower]

So please explain why folding laundry is a red flag. And why is a notebook on the counter a red flag?so many things not explained. It’s supposed to be educational, but doesn’t teach us.

[@Kayla-um3ry]

@@missmayflower the notebook has change on top and receipts, I think that means he is tracking her finances and not letting her buy what she wants.

[@ColinTherac117]

@@Kayla-um3ry If it is a joint account, then you are responsible for accounting for every penny to the other party. This is true whether the joint account is for a household or a business. This is why it is so important to have separate accounts. Joint accounts should only be for joint expenses, such as child care. Frankly I think "stay at home parent" should be considered as employment by the other spouse with a set salary and clearly stated responsibilities, as the earning spouse is having their part of the responsibility for the joint interests such as childcare performed by the stay-at-home spouse. My previous statement can apply regardless of who is the earner and for gay relationships as well.

[@MariaPaula-uw3ds]

​@@ColinTherac117you really have a distorted vision about what is normal and healthy in a relationship... my parents always had a joint account and never had to explain on what they're spending on, because they have a common sense of worrying about the house finances and plan for big spending

[@britishbuffalo21]

One thing I don’t like is how everyone is underestimating the daughter folding clothes. The way the father comes in and deliberately changes the channel isn’t about disrespect; it’s about establishing control within the family. This was a silent way of him establishing, “You will NOT be watching this show,” because look how he just walks away after that. The daughter accepts it, too afraid to protest. The lack of protest from the daughter shows EXACTLY why this is an abusive situation; she knows it will not be good for her if she doesn’t accept it, and that feeling is harrowing and harmful. It leads to a lack of autonomy. Notice also how she isn’t casually watching TV- like a normal teenager would do. Instead, she’s expected to be working (notice how she’s doing it in the public domain of the house, proving that she’s doing something.) This was her one way to watch TV, and the dad shut it down. Trying to finagle ways to do what you want is another sign of an abusive household. All of these actions speak VOLUMES, yet people in the comments want to prove it’s not. Notice how the house is silent the whole time EXCEPT when the dad is saying something. It’s his word and his word only. A complete sign of control and fear from the rest of the family members. A household that is truly devoid of abuse would not have this complete lack of voice from everyone. People stay silent to avoid abuse-- REMEMBER THIS!!

[@marcosgonzalez4207]

Now i understand the TV one She is probably acting like she's doing something, because he will not let her rest, but he treat her like a children not doing its homework

[@SC-ev6fd]

Damn u can feel the tension through the video

[@thefilthelement]

Well crap, I guess I'm never folding laundry again

[@levchenkodarya]

Thanks for comments clearing about the red chair, because I absolutely couldn't (still can't, tbh) see the food there and tried to understand, what's wrong with a simple chair (like, is it its position?). I thought that, maybe, it's not the chair, it's just a situation (either the talk about quitting or kid sitting silently in his room when his father arrives) and it just happened to be positioned there. But no, it was actually about the chair. Still can't understand what's wrong with flowers and laundry, even after the explanation, though...

[@Levyathyn]

The flowers so casually just brought in and set aside, no tags or markers not being given for a special occasion, just set down there waiting to be handed off, seems to be a sign of something called love bombing. Flowers, small gifts or jewelry, chocolates, very romantic gifts like that are often used by manipulative abusers as shorthand apologies, just a quick way to do something fucked up like hitting their spouse or being cruel or controlling, and in the next day after work coming in very romantic, gift at the ready, apologizing, telling their spouse they were stressed, etc. It's a common tactic that makes victims believe that abusive moments are just temporary down times, or someone's bad side, when really it's all bad. The laundry seems to be pointing at a job just handed off, a task designated for a woman of the house rather than actual work, something she has to do while squeezing it into TV time because it's a woman's job, especially since this is overlayed by audio of a man telling someone not to work, to quit. Having to squeeze daily tasks like this in can be a sign of having too many of them, too much to do in a day, compared to the man just strolling around doing nothing, but having the channel immediately changed with no recourse is also a sign of general thoughtlessness and controlling behavior. Again, none of the things in this video are meant to be considered proof, they are just labeled red flags... Warning signs, possible things one needs to look at. So someone doing laundry is not a sign of abuse, it is just a potential sign of an abusive household.

[@emceeboogieboots1608]

It seems weird to me that long after having kids he decides that he doesn't want her to work. I get the premise of most of the flags but it doesn't make sense as a narrative to me If this was on Gruen I reckon they would pan it

[@music_and_other_random_thi1330]

The fact that you're confused is why this video exists. The signs of abuse are hard to spot if you aren't experiencing it, and sometimes even if you are.

[@BringBackCyParkVendingMachines]

​@@music_and_other_random_thi1330 The flowers represent love bombing. I suggest you look it up.

[@rashithore8579]

There are many more I can tell you because as a daughter I had gone through same household and still I don't feel safe in my house!!

[@abetterlifestyle_24]

Red Flag 1. I noticed she was isolated from e er body, hung the messages of her friends saying they haven’t seen her in a while.

[@kahootmusicisthebest3742]

My thoughts on this: (1)Father seems to be coming home: - no one welcomes him home - this implies how now one is comfortable or brave enough to welcome him home - a gap or a boundary is already established here (2)The gifts he brings home - Love bombing??? Someone mentioned this in the comment section - A way of manipulating a relationship where you buy your partners "gifts" or "rewards" to convince them that they're not being neglected/ wherein, they're still being treated kindly - for example, if there was a conflict in a relationship, yet its not talked through on a one-on-one... instead you just forget about it or let go of it by buying them a gift - completely ignores the emotions or feelings that both parties experienced - its just bottled up. - Therefore, you can't really learn from these mistakes when they're not regarded. (3)The chair/ In the childs room with his door opened. - I don't really see anything wrong with the door being opened, because someone else commented how teens now want privacy, so more commonly, their doors would be closed. - But not everyone is the same... - The placment of the chair however/ it's kind of odd or unintuitive. - If it's a kid's room, the chair should be facing towards a desk for doing homework and stuff/ but the chair was facing the childs bed... and we can see how the child is doing homework on the bed instead of a proper desk. - The chair reminded me of how someone else would sit there and they would watch you. - If this was the use, the gap between the chair would be very uncomfortable then. Compared to how lunch tables are built and formatted for example, its simple and you're facing each other, but you're all connected by a table - which implies or encourages everyone seated at the table to have some type of converstation right. However, the chair and the bed have this giant gap. (4)Background talk with the dad: - He said "You were meant to quit today, what are you doing?" - Each partner should have the right to keep their work independent to themselves because that's their life before a family right. - You're partner shouldn't have the right to tell you to quit your job when it's something that only YOU, yourself have toiled for, it was your choice in the beginning, and it's not the partner's right or obligation to tell you to quit a job you took an interview for and achieved because of YOUR OWN skills. That partner wasn't in the interview, he doesn't have the right to tell you when to quit and when to get a job. - In addition, working is tied to OUR OWN BODY working, not someone else - because they never have and never will walk in our body... its not their right to control us, when its OUR body.

[@britishbuffalo21]

I like your analysis on the chair and the absence of people welcoming the dad home. That, and the absolute silence throughout the whole video- shows that nobody wants to say anything to set someone off.

[@doroshii1432]

I think this video is also meant for victims who are perhaps denying there is DV in their home. Could be why the flowers are marked. To an outsider, it's not a flag but to a DV victim, it should be.

[@stevebritton2222]

Do not think that manipulation and control represent love

[@Jah_LEASE_yah]

I was confused about the red flag over the chair in the son’s room, but it’s not about the chair it’s about what the husband is saying to his wife over the phone at the moment the red flag appears. “Where are you? You were meant to quit today. I don’t want you working.” The worst part of that moment is that even the son recognizes it as a red flag.

[@hillary974]

It's the change in his voice too. I could tell when my dad was in a rage before he even started yelling. I think the kid is listening out to know if something is about to happen

[@mariab3642]

I think the problem with some of these signs is that separately they are not necesserily signs of abuse, and that's why people in these situations might not have logical explanation for their feelings. But if taken together, they scream abuse. Flowers and gifts, a kid eating in his room, even doing laundry do not necesserily indicate abuse. Ofc if the partner in question is truly alright with that. But if you feel that smth is not right, you definitely should talk about that to someone.

[@DatThickGirl]

When he changed the tv on her, I was triggered lmao. If my husband try to pull dat he know he dead lol, and vise versa

[@michaelhill7878]

Yep, you ask before you change the channel. Goes both ways.

[@potatogirlcultist19]

Nah man it was when he just walked away. I hate it when people turn on the TV and then not even pay the slightest bit attention to it. "BuH bUt iTz bAcKgRoUnD nOiZe!". Why don't you listen to some music then.

[@cynthiakeller5954]

That triggered me too. Good thing I don't care what's on tv. I do care what's on the radio though. My husband is vice versa.

[@cynthiakeller5954]

@@potatogirlcultist19 My husband has to have the tv going even if he isn't pay attention to it. Yeah, he plays music channels on it when he surfs on his phone.

[@letmedream84]

honestly its hard to try chaging things. Especially when you dont have money. Otherwise, you end up free, yes, but homeless. Sometimes you just have to go through it sadly.

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Speaks volumes for having higher education and a career. Sadly women are pushed into being tradwives and this happens

[@democratictotalitariansoci1462]

Or, start using brain and enjoy normal life with normal man instead of searching for wealthy bipolar loonies.

[@alphamail8974]

Yep this is why it's so important for people to be educated and financially stable... I say people, but I mean Women. Men too, but men have always been encouraged to be independent and earn well. Women aren't socialized the same way, so that's why they're more likely to end up in vulnerable situations.

[@toony1232]

​@@wyleecoyotee4252tradwives? Seriously?

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

@@toony1232 Yes seriously

[@franklinerin5685]

This really hit home. I didn't realize the door was a sign until I reflected upon it. My door eventually lost its function of being able to lock. The fact he reacted scared him the instant he heard the footsteps. The startled reflex is a HUGE sign. But still, the signs of abuse are really subtle. The folding of his clothes, too, was another one that really hit home. The notebook is used so she wouldn't question her reality of what he says, and it does hit home, too.

[@anitamcginnis8028]

Of course, he walked in and oblivious to her watching something, changed the channel and walked out of the room.

[@atallguynh]

He wasn't oblivious. He knew exactly what he was doing. That's the point... it wasn't inconsiderate, it was a power play, abuse.

[@anitamcginnis8028]

Yes, exactly, you're right.@@atallguynh

[@Starry_Skye22]

I am a victim of DV. Is her folding the laundry a red flag bc he could help her ? Confused on that one

[@abadstroller]

She wants to look busy so he doesn't give her grief about being lazy when he's been working out in the world.

[@AuntFlo81]

If you look at what she's folding, it's a lot of green shirts, like the one that he came home wearing. So I'm guessing that they're his workshirts, and she's folding them very neatly as well. He mentions later that he likes the green dress on her, so if they're not his shirts, he may force everyone to wear green a lot.

[@16meddi]

im so sorry u went through that i hope your ok :(

[@marcosgonzalez4207]

At first, they talk about her job So she has no rest

[@jayborussell]

Leaving the door open is red flag number 1

[@a.l8061]

The flower. Husbands would directly give it to their wife to see their surprise happy face. It looks like he does it a lot so it's become a routine or to make him looks great in front of his coworker or neighbour. Second is when he changed the channel without asking her first. Any decent person will ask if they can change it first. Unless you are a toddler. Third is when he commented her dress. My husband would only comment if I ask him. If he thinks it looks bad, he would say "it's okay, but you don't look comfortable in it." The rest, I don't really notice. I don't go out a lot with my friends after I got married. Same with with my husband. We just prefer to go out together especially since we have our child. We go out mostly to entertain her and refresh ourselves at the same time.

[@SweetZombiJesus]

The flowers one was a stretch. It CAN be a red flag, but is not inherently so.

[@DM-nw5lu]

@@SweetZombiJesusNot really. If he really did it to make her happy/surprise her he would have given it to her, said some loving words and exchanged hugs and kisses. Not hurl that sh*t on the closest surface to the entrance.

[@therealjordiano]

Gah it really was nice of the cameraman to put all those flags everywhere or I never would've had a clue anything was wrong

[@miak4006]

I mean... Even with the flags there is a top comment with many likes that is asking what do most of the red flags mean because they didnt understand what was wrong. People grew up in different circumstances from you and have different information and education than you do. Plus saying a "cameraman" put them there is uhh....💀

[@therealjordiano]

@@miak4006 I was basically saying that, while there are some things that are hard to spot which have significance behind them, I would have thought that most people would be able to tell that there's a problem, just from the outward appearance of the situation. Like you'd probably get a hint something is wrong just by talking to the woman, she would be anxious or depressed or jittery or something Certainly if you're able to venture into the house while they are both there, talking to each other, you'd probably not need any of those red flags to tell that something's up Now I was only partly joking here because, yes, this stuff is informative, and maybe this will help kids in this situation who have no other frame of reference, so that they can spot the red flags within their own home, and maybe also friends of people in this situation. The thing my joke was 'rebelling' against is the idea that, without watching videos like these, a human being is somehow incapable of detecting the great stealthy silent-killer that *is* domestic abuse. What about all the people who have somehow, against all odds, detected it, and reported it, and then saved their friends/family members from it? These videos all come with an implicit, pretentious challenge to the viewer, something like "I bet you wouldn't be able to spot the red flags :O are you being a supportive enough friend??!?!?! SHAME ON YOU IF NOT >:O" Also since you brought it up, the cameraman line I used was just sarcasm, I assure you I do not actually believe that the cameraman went ahead and put red flags there. They have been animated into the video. The core of the joke was that I would be dumb enough to believe that they had been physically placed there by the cameraman. Also the person reading the joke would not have been thinking about the cameraman, as they would instead be thinking about the serious themes in the video, so their attention would be rapidly diverted and that should be enough to trigger a small laugh. I felt a need to explain all this in response to the skull emoji you used which I'm struggling to interpret

[@Listerical03]

The flag on the chair wasn’t because of the chair itself, but what we were hearing in the background (which was a red flag because he’s trying to get her to give up her work independence and financial freedom). I checked their website and they have the video on there, it pauses at every red flag to give an explanation.

[@tlembro]

Easy for me……Ive lived them all!

[@TrueWalker88]

Why did you put up with it?

[@tlembro]

@@TrueWalker88 Because I didn’t think enough of myself to do better!

[@TrueWalker88]

@@tlembro Glad you're past it now.

[@stevecurwin1052]

A good commercial. However why is there so little discussion about spousal abuse where the female is the abuser? This happens all the time and yet men get no support or advice regarding this.

[@JessicaMcGowan-bu4ls]

Help me people - did I misread some? Ok walking in with flowers and gifts. Making up? but you have to read into that with no precursor. Assuming not good. Going into her phone, creepy. Another one I do not understand is the notebook and pen on the table - I did that all the time. So please tell me what I missed, thanks in advance.

[@kr4382]

I hope you wanted a real answer, I have one. The flowers - beautiful from a good person. However, it is extremely common - a form of "love bombing" (I hate phrases that use the word love and yet take a crap on love). Guys who abuse, often offer something EASY like BUYING something. Like flowers. To appeal to the woman who wants to think it wont happen again, and he is sorry. However, I promise you, he will later use even the flowers against her to make her feel unappreciative bc he does so much for her. So much, except, treat her with respect, like an actual person he does not own. The little notebook - I get you, some ppl are really organized and keep track of spending in a very positive way. My Virgo best friend does it all the time. However, men who control women, do not let them work or undermine their jobs so that they lose them and become totally dependent on them, so that they are the only ones with money, and then they FORCE the woman to keep very strict records with receipts as if they cannot be trusted, and no matter how little they spend, they always get yelled at for wasting money. And the man has the automatic position of control. He makes the money, she wastes it. (Even if she never buys herself anything, clips coupons, and shops sales only for food. ) Never good enough. She is endebted to him. I would go on, but those are the things you asked about. Sometimes they occur naturally. But they are signs of control for many, many others.

[@JessicaMcGowan-bu4ls]

@@kr4382 Yes, I was sincere about wanting a real answer and appreciate you doing so. I wondered if the flowers were a make up gift - "look what I got you" and I agree they will come back in a wrong way. Also realize about control financial - wants the woman to quit a job so then the abuser can say "what do you do all day?" when things aren't perfection. Maybe there could have been a better shot of the notebook. When my husband was alive it drove him crazy finding papers all over the house that he was not allowed to touch - so I had difficulty with that one. Changing a channel without asking was very disrespectful and then walking out was contempt to the wife. But the one that I really had trouble about was folding the laundry. Why was that so unusual? But I do have a crazy story about that a friend told me. I also have stated the story on this site. She was folding clothes and her mother in law arrived to visit - yeah, you read right. So she threw her clean laundry back down the basement and closed the door so the mother in law would not see her folding laundry. No joke, I was so stunned I could not even respond to the friend who told me this.

[@sugarspice7768]

It was also how he put the flowers down. He didn't present them to his wife and hand then to her in a loving manner. The important part for him is the illusion of "getting flowers for his wife". The laundry represents her always having to be busy in front of him and not appearing "lazy". There was also a flag in the child's room over an empty chair that shows the lack of interest and interaction with his children. The red flag over the couch was his lack of real relationship with his wife. He doesn't care to sit down at eye level and catch up with her. He just stands over her and criticizes her first thing upon seeing her.

[@JessicaMcGowan-bu4ls]

@@sugarspice7768 I agree just putting the flowers down like he did - gave a bad vibe. Also the lack of any bonding and communication with any of the family - a very bleak household.

[@thenichollsworth]

He bought them, but placed them on the table where they can be seen from the door. He didn't hand them to her like a person would normally when giving someone a gift, allowing her to place them where she wants to. It's a sign of being a preformative act, especially to people visiting or that happen to walk by. "Oh he gives her flowers and nice things, he obviously loves her." This was something I've picked up from my own experiences, the effort to put on a image of a happy and well kept home on the outside that distracts from the reality inside.

[@inquisitivefeline]

Let's break it down: - Flowers: A gift after DV to retain the victim. - I don't know what's wrong with the chair in boy's room. - What's wrong with folding laundry? Maybe they mean he doesn't help around the house. EDIT: They guy's gonna say: "What have *you* been doing all day that now u think u deserve to watch tv?? While I work outside all day, you're just watching tv.." Laundry shows that she HAS been working all day. Also apparently, that's the daughter, so it extends to her as well, like women don't deserve rest. (But... it's normal? I guess context is key) - Changing the channel with disregard for what others are watching is bad. - Don't know what's wrong with the pillow on the couch. - Her notebook being open might mean she isn't entitled to privacy. Or it shows that her agenda is empty meaning she is isolated. Edit: Apparently, it's her writing all the expenses so the guy knows (also normal for budgeting?). - The phone call was from her family, saying they seen heard from her for a long time = isolated victim from friends and family. - The SOB went though her messages= no respect for privacy or trust EDIT: The messages were saying that they haven't seen her, or that she missed their party last night: more isolation. - The obvious one: telling her what to wear. Less obvious: the dress is too bland and too covered up for a Western woman. Also no make-up and unstyled hair before going out is strange for that culture. Others pointed out something not as obvious to me because that's just how we've always lived: Children avoiding interacting with the father.

[@psychicbyinternet]

Pillow on the couch = sleeping on the couch?

[@msadm1225]

Writing down all expenses because your husband requires you to show him proof of what you've been buying is NOT normal. Keeping track of expenses is normal, and couples vary in how they handle their expenses, but REQUIRING someone to show you what they spend their own money on is a sign of financial abuse. In healthy relationships, financial information is shared willingly, not by force. Of course, there may be an expectation that large purchases are discussed before spending the money, or requests that household income not be spent on certain items. But it is NOT a normal expectation that a member of a relationship disclose all purchases made so they can be approved, and especially not minor or necessary ones (rent, groceries, candy bought at the dollar store, new shoes).

[@Robloxiokoj]

ugh 0:30 IS NOT THE PILLOW ON THE COUCHH WHY DOES EVERYONE SAYY THIS ITS THE DAUGHTER LOOKING AT THE DAD to make sure he didn’t have a problem with her watching whatever she was watching before he came in and also her not saying anything about the remote

[@MariaPaula-uw3ds]

What's DV?

[@MariaPaula-uw3ds]

How children not interacting with the father is something normal????

[@Ramschat]

Like these, most red flags are not clear-cut, and a single red flag isn't enough to draw conclusions from. It's when you see multiple of these red flags that you start to see the pattern.

[@emmasworld1306]

I have recently started uploading short videos about my own experience of domestic abuse and how I was eventually able to get the strength to call the police 🙏🏻 I was so humbled by a lady who shared her experience of not only domestic abuse, and the subsequent failing of the family courts that led to her ex murdering her two sons, I want to become part of the conversation where abuse victims have a voice and Family Courts are changed to hear them.

[@andreacharais8070]

I'm sorry for being simple, but I don't understand some of these red flags?? She's gradually being distanced, sure, but a chair in the kids room, having a notebook to keep track of kitchen expenses, doing laundry- like I have that?? Can someone explain the context, sorry :(

[@rustynails8756]

I to have trouble identifying what they are calling red flags I do laundry, use day planner and my children used to have chairs in their rooms, my husband has brought me flowers etc. and I am not in a DV relationship so I think a bit more context would be nice

[@cynthiakeller5954]

The notebook was used to track what she did at every moment.

[@inuhundchien6041]

I don't get most of them except the last one. I hope anybody currently under duress able to find the strength to find help for themselves.

[@Watcher-ts3ql]

You know you don‘t live in that kind of environment when you don‘t recognize the signs. I thank God that I didn‘t grew up in such a household.

[@Stevobulfer]

My first clue was the title saying it was a video about domestic violence

[@istrashqueen]

could someone explain to me the red flag the popped up on the chair in the child's room? Was it general like the kid is hiding for their father or was the chair specific??

[@fuzzydo6911]

I think it's 2 things. 1) the kid spends a lot of time in their room and/or 2) in the audio the man is trying to get someone to quit their job because he doesn't like them working.

[@KelseyHargroves]

The kid looked up from what he was doing and took notice of the father coming home. Seems small but relatable if you've lived with someone abusive.

[@rustynails8756]

@@KelseyHargroves my children at around adolescence quit getting up and running up to Daddy with hugs and kisses (they had a cool factor to worry about after all) but they still took notice when he got home. So I really can't relate. If this is PSA they really need to add more context for those of us who have not lived in a DV environment.

[@KelseyHargroves]

@rustynails8756 it's kind of a multitude of these signals together in context that constitute as signals of DV instead of just the one thing out of context. Lots of older kids prefer to spend time in their rooms and take notice of their parents coming home but the difference being: the kids spending more time than normal in their room and avoiding the parent out of fear or discomfort rather than individualism. With healthy relationships even older kids will still interact with their parents at some point or acknowledge them in a positive way. This isn't the case with an abusive situation unless the trauma response for that individual is something called "fawning" in which they grovel to their abuser in an effort to avoid said abuse. It can be complicated I know, but this is why context is important. Added together with multiple other "red flags" is when you get the full picture.

[@snugmybaby95]

​@@rustynails8756Agree. I figure the reason for not adding context is to show how easy it is to miss signs, but I was waiting for them to go back like other PSAs and explain each one. Would've been very helpful.

[@NiecyBabii]

Be Safe 🙏🏾

[@franklinerin5685]

Did anyone else catch silence as a red flag? I honestly wonder if the creator was aiming for that. The wife and child don't speak at all but are showing strong emotions subtly with their face.

[@DzinkyDzink]

The creepy music is what gave it away. Never heard it in a normal household 😅

[@Sonia_108-v4d]

When you watching, and you realise its giving your house vibes 😢

[@fairedepeche]

Good Lord woman. Buy that man a pair of cement shoes! 😠

[@PseudonymAliase]

You shouldn't date men ever! Zero context with any of these red flags.

[@michaelhill7878]

"Tonight on Dateline."

[@PseudonymAliase]

@@michaelhill7878 tonight on The View we try to break up your marriage because we're unsatisfied being fat, single, bit$hes! And we won't offer any help with how you could improve the little tiny red flags. Just divorce him and get your bag ladies! Because all men are horrible and we don't care about the future development of your children. Sponsored by Google and the democratic party who indirectly benefits more off divorced single people.

[@iheworld134]

I wish marriage n love can be simple but the reality is all marriages need a lot of work n effort to be done, n its just super painful if u are the only 1 who tried to be better

[@julianroberts2060]

this was really hard to watch, my dad does the exact same thing to my mom and I never realized until this video

[@Ogrematic]

Hey, girls, if a guy hits you, L E A V E H I M .

[@cynthiakeller5954]

At the first slap, pulling of hair, crazy jealousy, get the f out. Leave your stuff, you can get more later. Do not leave your pets or children, ever!

[@franz3810]

​@@cynthiakeller5954this.

[@vellam8766]

Does he have to hit you?

[@Ogrematic]

@@vellam8766 Are you gonna split hairs over this? You can't understand the intent of that statement? Instead of just defining it literally?

[@pepleatherlab3872]

Sorry, I came from the perspective that we were attempting to discover 'who' the abuser was. Wife or husband. I saw nothing but a husband and father supervising his household. Not all wives make good homemakers. Since when do men's preferences get labeled as abuse? If anything men are more abused now that anytime in human history. Brings home flowers: Because he knows his wife likes them *shrugs* Childs TV is covered: Because he hasn't finished his homework. Wife is folding laundry: Because it's laundry day. Husband turns up TV volume: Because his hearing isn't so good from damage to his ears (work.) Shopping receipts and ledger are present: Because they're trying to manage the family budget. Maybe she stinks at budgeting. *shrugs* Nobody answering the phone: It's an annoying and 'needy' family member nobody likes. (probably her mom.) He mentions the green dress, because he likes the green dress. A smile test, because it's a work related dining experience and she'd like her husband promoted. (or herself promoted.) WTF people!

[@randomgeekcrap]

Honey you are a whole red flag my god

[@user-uv3sv3qd2x]

​@@randomgeekcrapOh my God,He is forever tainted Oh how will he get back on your good gracesb

[@trixielazze189]

Idk about the kids open door. It could mean, if they close it he would end up being depressed. He should be outside playing or in the living room.

[@BadBoyBobby85]

An ex once tried to dress me for an event...that one stood out just because I hated it

[@cloakedoblivion22]

This video was not very helpful if it was intended as a short example video, and if it wasn’t then that was not clearly communicated

[@neortik7]

Could have been great to put the same videos without the flags first then with the flags after so we can know because we will be shocked we din't saw one or another flag. the remote one is definitely one i saw first

[@dzinypinydoroviny]

Well, I bought my wife flowers just yesterday. I wouldn't consider that a red flag of domestic abuse.

[@daryllasangma5396]

we live through this every day, normal day at our place

[@TrueWalker88]

I can always spot a wife beater a mile away. When you don't have the emotional injury that is open to it, any microaggressions or first signs of disrespect are very apparent and you would address them immediately. I wouldn't be attracted to a man who's not gentle. You can see it in his body language, sense it in his energy. It always astounds me that women can be attracted to men like that.

[@TrueWalker88]

​@@maryclaremayo6157 I have never been the victim of a narcissist in any significant way and can always feel sincerity in a person. Just because it happens to other people, that doesn't mean we aren't partially responsible for whether or not we keep ourselves safe. Narcissists come into the lives of almost everyone and affect us all, but nipping it in the bud early on minimizes the impact. If a car slams on their brakes in front of us and we hit them, we are usually at least 10% liable by insurance companies. It is the actual law to be driving defensively. and there are many ways to avoid accidents by allowing space or looking two steps ahead in traffic. If you are oblivious, then you are responsible for what happens to you. If you see a red flag and go passive, you are now responsible. It is sad that many people grew up not being properly guided because of poor parenting and have to learn this the hard way. It's not their fault they are that way but what happens to them as an adult is their responsibility. Perhaps someone can go on a date with an abusive man, but never spotting the red flags and getting to the point of being in an abusive relationship and even having children with him is pretty extreme. Even if hypothetically it was a sudden overnight radical shift with no red flags, the moment the first abusive thing happens, it's over. If a woman is financially dependent on a man, well that was her own choice. There's no excuse.

[@tirsus1482]

@@TrueWalker88 victim blaming. Great.

[@karmagrl76]

It's been my experience that the same people who say they can spot a monster from a mile away are the same people who fall for said monster or they're shocked when their friends or loved ones leave said monster over abuse because, "He's such a nice guy!"

[@TrueWalker88]

@@karmagrl76 That makes no sense. It's the opposite of what I said.

[@TrueWalker88]

@@tirsus1482 Helpless victims who subject even their own children to abusers with no backbone or common sense. Great. 🙄

[@user-jb9qz2lo4v]

How is folding the laundry a sign oh domestic abuse?

[@marcidorman]

I’m wondering if it’s because the moment he gets home he says, “what have you even been doing all day?” He sounds critical and judgmental. The house looks quite clean, and she’s even in the middle of folding laundry-yet he’s still looking for things to criticize. She may feel as though she isn’t free to sit and take a break-she doesn’t feel empowered-so she feels she must justify any time she does something for herself. In this case, making sure she’s being productive by folding laundry at the same time. So she’s not ACTUALLY getting a break. Yet, he’s still criticizing her anyway. Like having a taskmaster instead of a husband. He’s accusing her of being lazy, essentially, even while she’s in the middle of working.

[@MariaPaula-uw3ds]

Maybe it's because even when she's watching TV she can't stop working, as she can't take a break or rest. Also, she has a job too and still is doing home chores until the husband gets home

[@BannerComposure]

Can someone explain the chair to me at 0:14? My parents placed something similar in my room?

[@WynnWynn-gl3fk]

The commentor above you spelled it all out for you. My dad and my siblings are evil, especially my siblings and I saw all the signs.

[@jeaninetungsten8865]

Just remember, domestic abuse can come from anyone not just men

[@matulopez5347]

Can you spot the red flag? Flag pops up ?

[@Anonamiss-zd1nj]

Good job you found them

[@PleochroicRainfall]

how is a blank page in a notebook domestic violence

[@Waiting4Him111]

Red flags - no one is ever invited to the house, abused person is not allowed out alone, abused person won't look you in the eye, abuser uses money to control others, abused person tells you everything is fine but never elaborates.

[@somebodyonce6222]

As someone who was never taught how to do dv properly, this video is very helpful.

[@TrishWhole]

Why is it a red flag for her to fold laundry? 0:26

[@aliceitty]

I'm guessing the housework wasn't done before he got home. She's not paying attention to him when she's folding laundry.

[@TheGiveittomeall]

Because without asking, he changed the channel even though she was watching something

[@aliceitty]

​@@TheGiveittomeall Great point. Didn't realize it.

[@PseudonymAliase]

Zero context for any of these red flags! You know nothing about anything here. Otherwise you would be poisoned by the Misandrist Feminist video. Absolute cherry picked oblivious video blinded by hatred of men! Because Men don't count all those red flags against a women! You don't know her and what they previously agreed upon. THIS IS THE WORST CRITIQUED VIDEO EVER!

[@XXTHE12THMANXX]

She was afraid of him so she didn't ask him not to change the channel.

[@leoneabbachio6052]

Can someone explain to me the kid with the chair one? I really don't get what's abusive about leaving the door open or that there's food on it.

[@shepaintsingrey]

the door being open implies that he isn't given privacy. he also does not greet his father when he comes home even though his room is right next to the front door. he stays quiet and looks over his shoulder to avoid interactions with him. the food suggests that they don't eat together, and that the boy eats in his room, also to avoid interaction. all of this combined implies that the father is controlling and that it's better to avoid him.

[@RoseWiild]

Lived in violence all my life and with violent partners...I can smell and feel narcissist a mile away now

[@mischalovenlight5213]

It’s all about control and a lot of men get off on making you feel powerless

[@josephkane7805]

There are certainly a lot of control freaks out there and generally speaking it's the male.

[@ronnymerc4808]

A lot of men? How many men? What controlling women?

[@yeetyeet1655]

@@ronnymerc4808Ok wife beater

[@TrueWalker88]

​@@ronnymerc4808 Here are some stats for you from published studies, in case you live under a rock or can't see it with your own eyes. - 1 in 4 women versus 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner violence - 1 in 5 women have been raped versus 1 in 71 men - 35% of men have enacted at least one incidence of emotional abuse against their female partner and 13.6% have abused physically - 90% of people who commit violent physical assault are men - Males perpetrate 95% of all serious domestic violence and 85% of homicides - From age 0-45, men outnumber women in the US, mainly due to killing women - From ages 60-100 women outnumber men, mainly due to living healthier and more peaceful lifestyles - 34% of women murdered are killed by their male partner, 72% of those between 20-49 years old, versus 6% of men killed by their female partner - 21% of women are killed by a family member, most of them by a male family member The US adult population is roughly 261M. If half of them are men, that's 130+M men. That means 45.6M men have abused their partners. 45 million is a lot of men.

[@16meddi]

@@ronnymerc4808 um what..

[@woodyssnake8562]

When are we going to talk about men being abused? Physical abuse is 1 type of abuse. There is emotional, mental, financial abuse in addition to more types of abuse. I feel like we should focus on them all not just one. Men and women can be and are daily victims of abuse. It all needs to stop!!

[@PseudonymAliase]

studies say men get raped more than women. men are just more equipped to handle it, so they don't report it.But because Men are usually the perpetrators it's a statistic that gets swept under the rug.

[@GamingZenithXD]

Yes men also can get abused

[@straawberryfieldsforever]

Both can happen but instead of going to that person's throat about it, maybe accept this video as it is?

[@GamingZenithXD]

Still bro what about us men

[@joyleff790]

Physical abuse doesn't happen alone- It is always accompanied by mental/emotional abuse. This video does not specify. Been there. And yes, It All Needs To Stop!

[@MrHNAKL]

Can the director of this social awareness video make another abusive content where woman / wife abusing her man / husband? It would be fair..

[@psychicbyinternet]

I agree and I think there should be more awareness of men suffering from domestic abuse. I just worry that you only made this comment because you don't like that people are trying to help women in these situations so you brought up men to get everyone to rally against extremely vital organizations helping women (who often help men as well). I hope that wasn't your intention.

[@MrHNAKL]

@@psychicbyinternet women offently helpings men?? Are u sure with this statement!? In any case media will promoting domestic violence towards women and will claim every thing Being done by women and women didn't have their right, in other words it's like men do nothing as a father or husband and keeps violates women by words or actions. And u triggered with my opinion to the director of this video content, hope u didn't claims this as a violence to women

[@dr.downvote]

Didn’t understand a thing about the video and I’m happy about it.

[@westboy52]

I didn't get most of them to be honest. Is it explained anywhere?

[@LucidDreamer54321]

Red Flag #1. He is Australian.

[@Colleens-Corner]

Ouch!!!

[@unamehumanbeing]

He bought the flowers and candy, but never took them to his wife. The action of buying these things can be just a show for outsiders.

[@tticusFinch]

I was surprised the kid would have his back to the open door.

[@yoongiyuu3086]

the ppl in these comments being like “that’s not a red flag! my family did/does that all the time!” 💀

[@lilyflower5576]

Not all of these seemed like red flags, like we can't do the laundry and give each other flowers?

[@usernameisunavailable8270]

Plus kids like to shut away in bedroom a lot these days. Doesn't mean they are abused.

[@melklausler]

He didn't give her flowers...he brought them in and just put them in the hallway instead of coming in and surprising her with them. Also, she was doing the laundry when he walked in...neither of them even said hello to each other. When you bring someone flowers, it's usually with a kiss and a smile.

[@theinvisibleguests]

Did he give her the flowers?

[@tajniak4335]

@@melklausler Yeah, if you're in the first two years of a relationship of something. When people are together for 10 years, have jobs, kids, house and overall busy life, even such stuff like saying hello to one another often gets forgotten and lost in the reality of everyday life.

[@franz3810]

​@@tajniak4335really? my parents have been together 30 years and that never happened

[@TheJamation]

How y'all see there is food on the kids chair? I got the quality maxed and the screen on full and I can't tell what the heck that thing is.

[@YardenOr-yr2fn]

מעניין. למה הוא שם את הפרחים בצד?

[@hans7686]

Folding clothes is a red flag?

[@tajniak4335]

I you assume something, then you can interpret literally everything as an evidence you're assumption is right. That's the basic reasoning of this video and it's completely bogus.

[@johnstuartsmith]

Not having a proper man cave with his own own big screen TV?

[@b1bu]

I'm worried about how few of these I understood

[@beautifullyblessedandnatur7457]

Wait how was the clothes she was folding and the flowers red flags?

[@SD-hs4bp]

Why having a chair in their son’s room is a red flag? I don’t get it. May be because we don’t have kids. Would someone explain it please? And why folding the clothes in front of TV is a red flag? She might have been multitasking?

[@milumav]

Not sure about the chair, but it's him walking into the living room, grabbing the remote and changing the channel from what she was watching (while folding the family's clothing) to what HE wants to watch even though he's not even watching t.v, she is.

[@PortMoody1]

It might be just me, but I cannot take Australian accents seriously. If someone said I'll kick you up and down the kookawalachuk I would just laugh at them.

[@miraastrik7479]

wtf is kookawalachuk

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

No matter how much the accent can change and how you feel about it it is still a serious situation

[@sallyt4060]

Are you serious right now? What is even wrong with Aussie accent

[@diamondking3421]

I only see a loving family.

[@a_human_x]

You mean the small red flag on the flowers he brought home at the start.

[@alison__16]

Would have been more fun if you hadn't actually put all the red flags IN the video 😂