Control | The Story Of An Abusive Relationship

[@lynette599]

But the problem is they will FIRST alienate you from your family and friends BEFORE they escalate the abuse....therefore you have no one looking out for you....

[@kittycaruso50]

Absolutely And they can be so successful at it that you still have no one after escaping them and it really messes with your head. At least that has been my experience but am still thankful to God I escaped him.

[@ravensroses4995]

Exactly

[@shellodee]

They'll meet the friends and family first and charm the hell out of them, then make you look like the psycho so they can play the victim and uphold the hero role. Spotlight can only ever shine on one person in those relationships

[@riannahavora]

So true. That's why it's so important to be aware of the symptoms. Nip it in the bud the moment it starts. Don't worry if he thinks you're a bitch. Just do it. Walk away if you have to. Stay in public places if he's physical. And always... listen to what your inner self is saying to you. If something doesn't seem right, it's probably not. If he's really a good one, he will understand and be there... respecting your space.

[@riannahavora]

Also keep in mind, if you're like me, you'll be a magnet for these kinds of people. I've had 2 husbands (and more boyfriends) like this. I have radar for it now days. I refuse to let it happen again. Be totally honest with yourself about your relationship. Yeah, I've been called a crazy bitch at times... but I have avoided repeating it for a third time. Not all men are like this.

[@crillyboy19]

"Don't worry girls I've got her." hearing that from her mum was such a relief, it's horrible that this could & always happen to anyone, we never really know the person we're with until they show their true colours.

[@owengordon175]

Gutted me.

[@dp.2766]

@@owengordon175 Yea, women do it to... I can take a black eye or gut punch much better than head gamers and bullshit.!!🤔🤔🙀🕸👽🕸👽

[@elizaevans3736]

That's why when you are getting into a new relationship you should go with them for atleast a full year, cause it is very hard to keep a lie going without tripping yourself or they up. Usually the truth starts to come out. And at the first sign of abuse wether it's physical, mental, emotional get away. Don't invest in a relationship too soon. Leave yourself room to get out. Folks are too much in a hurry and get too invested in the relationship too soon. I know that for a fact. My first marriage I was too excited about starting a family I married a drunk, the second time everybody sad I could do no wrong, he had everything (but fidelity). Then I met Dewayne he was a lying sackasht, he cost me $$$ but atleast I didn't get married to him. That relationship I got invested in the notion that God sent him to me, cause I had been praying for someone to share my love of horses with. By the time the year was up I could start to see through the lies. Now I'm still looking, hoping, and praying that someday I'll meet mister right. Someday but my eyes are open and my mind to the warning signs of abuse.

[@strangedazey546]

Right? I about shit myself waiting to see if she'd killed herself. This was so well done

[@jacquelynroe9036]

Yeah that moment brought me to tears. You don’t even know you’re in it until you’re in it.

[@Corstessia3110]

"Unless you don´t trust me.", was a line I´ve heard nearly a year everyday. Leave this relationship behind before it gets you.

[@DontAssume123]

It’s a dare to be small. Be Fucking big

[@alexandravillarrealll]

This triggered me so much. There are so many men like this. It’s like a pandemic of narcissistic abuse. If your body is telling you something isn’t right please leave. It’s exhausting to keep fighting for someone like this. They never change they just get worse. I have a protective order against my ex. He put his hands on me three times. I left on the third time. But honestly I should have left when the control and manipulation started. When the emotional abuse started because the physical abuse came shortly after. To anyone still in an abusive relationship, please leave it doesn’t get better. Don’t make excuses for them even if they apologize. They don’t mean it. Sending love to anyone who is in this situation or has been in this before. It’s not your fault.

[@hiphopdreame]

It's hard, because you can see the good in them.

[@GUCC1197]

@@hiphopdreame you can’t change them not even with love. They have to acknowledge they have a problem and seek help themselves which is unlikely to ever happen.

[@kandykate100]

I feel like they get us to easy and don’t value or appreciate enough. There are dating apps, girls are offering themselves with pics and social media . Don’t give them sex till marriage, make them work hard for your attention and will see where all the abusers go. I feel the pain of all the girls who have been abused. Please love yourself first.

[@cskye6529]

It is the PHONES!

[@bluebull399]

People can change. I used to be controlling with my girlfriend. I didn't even realise I was so overbearing / controlling until I started Googling it. A lot of it stems from insecurity. Once you address that, the need to be controlling subsides. It's actually a liberating experience for the controller to finally be free of negative emotions such as insecurity and jelousy. Obviously, if your partner is gaslighting you that's a lot more serious. I learnt that in any relationship, there will always be times your partner does things you don't approve of. Sometimes, it's just best not to give an opinion on things if you know your point of view is going to cause distress or stop them doing things they enjoy just to please you. People are entitled to be themselves and shouldn't have to change for you. If he gets pleasure from upsetting you or preventing you from doing things, he's probably a narcissist. If you decide he's a narcissist, tell him to read up on narcissism and give him a month to change or you leave. One chance only, no time extensions. Seriously, make him set an alarm for one month in the future on his phone.

[@ravensroses4995]

Thanks for this!!! People don't know they are in an abusive relationship, until they are up to their neck in it. It doesn't always have to be physical. It's mental, verbal and emotional, too

[@VeggiesbyEos]

M first relationship was emotionally abusive and I had no idea for years since it was my first relationship. I thought it was all normal :(

[@gracewalsh8093]

Took me 39 years to see the light

[@alishagee3450]

@@VeggiesbyEos so sorry to hear that, hopefully you have recovered from the abuse you have experienced from him

[@alishagee3450]

@@gracewalsh8093 at least now you have realized, how are you now?

[@VeggiesbyEos]

@@alishagee3450 it was a very long time ago so thankfully I have!

[@marleyofficialmedia]

I was just thinking the other day that being an "asshole/bitch" has saved me countless times. Remember, loves, when you say "no" - you do not have to explain it. "I'm good/I'll pass" works too. And dont feel guilty about blocking people who make your tummy turn. Trust your gut, and stay closed to your loved ones. The right kinds of people won't push your boundaries. Trust is built not expected. This is not a criticism, just sharing my thoughts. Stay safe, real love is real. ❤🙏

[@SadPerson-gr6qh]

Absolut. This not only applies to romantic relations.

[@earthangel3108]

This was literally spot on. I can't believe how well done this was. The way it was filmed with the phone too. I'm so sorry we have to go through things like this. It's so hard once a trauma bond forms. Emotional abuse can be even worse. I almost rather have gotten punched. Get out girls and guys. The sunshine waits on the other side brighter than you realize. I promise you.

[@hiphopdreame]

You're right, once a trauma bond forms, can you let go?

[@tonyas1234]

She have a very good support system, when it happened to me, everyone thinks that im the crazy one. There was no marks, nobody believes me, I can't explained, everything is confusing, i can only cry, like a crazy person, even my friends talk trash about me, that makes me confused and doubt my insanity as a bonus with self blame

[@tonyas1234]

@Light and Love thank you dear, it was an amazing journey of founding myself and self healing. Hope the best of health and happy for you too

[@kittycaruso50]

Same here, more or less. My whole family abandoned me but my ex at the time who also was a narcissist and controlling just never violent or physical. He was so mad I had moved on. Add that to I had moved on to a monster. I lost 40 lbs in the 1st year of the relationship due to all the stress. Lost my mom in the 2nd year. I could go on but wont. Just wanted to say I can relate to you. I have been left in one piece physically yes and I thank God for that. But left completely alone and emotionally broken. Hardest thing anyone can go through IMO because you trusted and loved the very person that set out to destroy you

[@hareemiftikhar2898]

I relate to this comment so much. I had no one, who ever I went to said you're crazy or you're overreacting. It got so worse that I had to accept maybe I'm the crazy one

[@tonyas1234]

@@kittycaruso50 im so sorry it happened to you, have faith that you are strong and you can get through this i believe with all my heart. Also believe that it is not your fault, it never was your fault. Love and accept your self even your choices even the bad ones, it is not your fault

[@tonyas1234]

@@hareemiftikhar2898 yes they made us think that we were the crazy one, but have faith and believe that you are not. You are not to blame. You can get through this, get quantum healing, i was so desperate back then, that i want to try something that won't cross my mind before, but it really works. I use the free ones www.melanietoniaevans.com/

[@MJ-od5sh]

This needs to be taught in schools . I didn’t know what a toxic narcissist was until I was in my early 30’s ! I thought the toxic word was a kind of dangerous substance only 😂 So many don’t understand about abuse & toxicity within a human until in the thick of a relationship

[@katyhawkins1149]

I agree and same, I also didn't know till my early 30s by actually googling characteristics..

[@sunnyshonte5367]

i was 44 when i finally understood

[@elizaevans3736]

I agree that the schools should have a year long coarse on recognition of the warning signs of an abusive relationship and how to get out or get help before you marry them or become living mates. But also if they would publish the warning signs here in these videos and the hotline numbers too.

[@EscapingTheMadness]

I say this all the time this should be taught in schools to prepare us for the world

[@haleemahsaida9772]

Took me to age 49 to realise, n I always thought I was intelligent

[@jeangrant1607]

I was in a relationship once where I wasn't allowed to pick my own clothes, if I was outside I had to keep my eyes on the pavement, I wasn't allowed to talk to other girls at all for any reason, I couldn't have a mobile phone,laptop,tablet etc. She would even do things like go through the TV guide to circle programmes I wasn't allowed to watch. There were loads of times we'd be out at a restaurant or somewhere else and she'd go mental saying that I was looking at other girls and asking why I was doing this to her even although I had my eyes down. I was the stupid one though for allowing myself to be treated like that and staying with her for nearly 2 years. Thanks for reading my comment I know its a bit long and no one will care but I just thought I'd get it off my chest. ❤✌

[@MoirasConfab]

You got out Jean and that's the most important part! Be kind to yourself.

[@chikochiringa7247]

Its good you got out

[@Devin-yt6bq]

You where not stupid. And your story absolutely does matter. Verbal and Emotional abuse are just as dangerous and hard to leave as physical abuse.

[@kasegami45]

I feel you bro, i was in the exact same situation so i get you, i really do! So i am SO glad that you got out of it and are doing alright ❤️❤️

[@Unknown_Kay]

Dont let one girl take your smile and her being insecure is her fault Looking at other girls is not cheating!!! Im sorry that you had to go through this hope things got better if you need you can talk to me

[@goodra999]

the emotional abuse is what i feel i'm going through, why people treat people like that is beyond me.

[@sillysnaps]

Yes, that's partly why one might stay - coz we cannot actually fathom that someone could be so relentlessly cruel. Think hard and leave as soon as you can. With time you loose yourself more and more. I was with a full-blown narcissist for two years. Mental and emotional abuse are destructive beyond words! I have been free for two years - that's also how long its taken me to feel like myself again. You deserve so much better, hun. ❤

[@alishagee3450]

@@sillysnaps good to hear you are free now from emotional abuse... how was the healing process?

[@tovenrvik6336]

They are Personality Disordered individuals who abuse others to regulate their false narrative and self, they put another below so they can be abowe ‼️Get away when devaluation comes in, it will get worse ‼️

[@jessi3271]

@@sillysnaps I just got out of the same situation and it was two years as well. Is this pain really going to last two years!? I don't think I can make it through, this is my second heartbreak and abusive relationship/breakup. I'm broken and feel so empty and lost. How did you move on? I don't know who I am anymore. 🥺

[@sillysnaps]

@@jessi3271 a few things that helped me...1) PATIENCE - being truly patient with yourself. Noticing when that impatience and 'wanting to be there already' come up, and soothing them with true patience. 2) along with patience is KINDNESS towards yourself. Forgiving yourself for having taken this wrong turn, for having not seen or done anything earlier to get out. Truly being compassionate and kind with yourself. Any anger or frustration with yourself, that voice, let it go, now. 3) REMINDING yourself every single day, each time you feel the hopelessness or the pit of it all, tell yourself and KNOW that you WILL come out of this. You will one day wake up and feel yourself again, as long as you keep reminding yourself that it will be there. 4) RECALL the things you used to do, and enjoy...for example, the way you used to dress and feel attractive - and put concerted effort into doing one of those things regularly, even if you don't feel like it. Start doing them, one by one, building up on each other. Seeing friends you lost touch with, making an effort. 5) SHARE your experience with close ones without SHAME - when shame comes up, see it, and let it pass through and out of you. Continue sharing in a safe environment until you no longer feel ashamed. 6) make an extra effort in your self-care, pampering and style routines: find new creams or make-up, a few nicer more classy or better quality clothing, and consciously use these to make yourself feel attractive, like a woman. Self-care, also taking salt or oil baths, relaxing a lot. Relaxation allows trauma to release, gradually. 7) use guided relaxations for sleep at night - you might have disordered sleep or maybe even nightmares. Maybe you wake up at night in a panic. Use guided relaxations to soothe you and to create a calm sleeping habit. 8) spend time in nature - this gives you energy and stability 9) do anything that makes you feel safe and stable, as often as you can. Like a caring mother you need to look after yourself and comfort yourself. 10) start exercising and eating healthy. Exercise will get the energy moving differently in your body and will help release the chronic stress. Do it with this intention in mind. 11) try to drop any addiction you started whilst being in that relationship - I started drinking daily, had NEVER done that before - and smoking...I have an app on my phone to track the months I've been without having alcohol in my home. I now only have a drink as a treat when I visit a friend or am out. I no longer smoke. These are things we picked up to deal with the stress. We no longer need them to pick ourselves up. Shopping can also be one to curb... 12) LASTLY - let go of the control of asking yourself how long it will take, of analysing whether you're there yet etc...allow yourself to settle "back" into place naturally, without controlling the process. "Back" is in quotations because you will settle into yourself but in a much more rooted, authentic and centered way - you will be more your SELF than ever before.

[@shwethaholla7966]

I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 7 years. Watching this brought back memories, painful ones. Everything shown here is true, it happens, all in the name of “love” and “care”. Till we lose ourselves. Get out before it’s too late

[@MichelleSPodcast]

Exactly how is starts. All this social media and location is a stalkers/ controllers wet dream. If you find yourself here- just ask for help. Leave and don’t go back. It’s okay. You are not stupid or blind- some of the smartest women I’ve ever met have fallen for it. But we stick together and we don’t stick with abusers...

[@beckyrouse6115]

No one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is important in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching his mobile . I was hurt when i read conversation of my husband always sex chatting with an other lady , i felt so broken, I’m here in California , USA and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable contact him on his mobile phone, text,whats-app [phone]. I hope you find peace just like me after I found out about his doings

[@nyidahollas]

I myself now got out of a toxic narcissistic relationship, also physical abuse. I thank God for stepping in and giving me the strength.

[@alishagee3450]

@nyidahollas how are you now?

[@DontAssume123]

Good for you

[@soul832006]

That was hard to watch and I think it needs to be shared everywhere to raise awareness. I was on the edge of my seat at the end and so scared that she was going to self harm! So glad her mum rescued her!

[@hiphopdreame]

I thought he was going to kill her.

[@user-pt3uu4wq3i]

Been there! It's really bad when you don't have supportive friends and when you don't have a family. This is very real and everyone needs to be aware of it!

[@tajanarokaj7120]

Yess I'm in same situation 🙁😟🥺

[@initameeracle]

This girl is in a very privileged position to have people like that around here, sadly many abuse victims stay because they lack a support system to begin with

[@katyamarkelova]

I’m shocked how common it is and how I see myself and my ex in this situation. In the beginning he was against “sexy photos” on instagram, I thought it’s totally understandable and I deleted everything “sexy”. After he started insulting me and apologizing for that immediately. He said he is just an emotional guy and I am not perfect either! I thought he regrets his words and will never hurt me again. Wrong haha He keeps pushing you more and more with time and you already don’t see that you accept control, you have to explain and prove everything, you have to “deserve” his love. You never know when to expect a fight and you are trying to be as perfect as possible, so he won’t have reasons to fight with you and insult you. With time you stop hanging out with friends because he doesn’t want you to. Your friends don’t like him but you tell them that they just have to meet him! They just don’t see how everything is perfect in the real life and they see only negative things about him. And you just stop sharing with them, he made you think that they are just jealous because they don’t have this crazy love that you have. And when you don’t fight, you’re so happy but in the end you understand that you’re totally alone under control and pressure and you feel like shit. You’re afraid of everything. And you don’t even know of what exactly. All the things I trusted him as secrets, he used against me when he was angry. I opened up about being at the wrong party and being raped while sleeping. So at the “right moment” he said that it was my fault. And that my stupidity brought me there. I needed a long time to heal after that and to understand everything. And you never can change him. He won’t change for you and your relationships. It’s his nature. Girls, don’t be afraid to leave. It’s okay to break up. It’s okay to start over. What is not okay is to allow someone treat you this way and manipulate you. It’s not okay to live with wounds from someone you love.

[@izabelicious]

I'm in this exact situation trying to leave. Thank you for the comment, it's highlighted alot, sending love and light on your journey✨

[@janetDT1904]

Sending you lots of love ❤

[@Jessica-pl5tm]

@@izabelicious : I know it's easier said than done, but save yourself and leave. You deserve to be happy and treated well. Find the courage, you are worth it. Life is worth it. All the best!

[@Jessica-pl5tm]

These people are monsters, but playing the victim.

[@jjberg83]

This is spot-on. You'll be like "this is horrible" and want to leave during their outbursts, then you'll sleep on it and the next day will feel normal. Maybe they apologize. They'll probably apologize but then "both sides" the situation and place blame on you too. Things will be good for a few days until the next fight. The cycle continues.

[@antoniamarie2963]

From someone who has gone through this, thank you for making probably the most accurate video on DV I've ever seen. This means more than you know

[@alishagee3450]

@antonia marie how are you now?

[@The482075]

This is about the importance of close friends and family. Throughout the ordeal, she has people who care for her. People on her side. The mother and the three best friends are fighting for her throughout. Those are wonderful people.

[@beckyrouse6115]

No one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is important in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching his mobile . I was hurt when i read conversation of my husband always sex chatting with an other lady , i felt so broken, I’m here in California , USA and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable contact him on his mobile phone, text,whats-app [phone]. I hope you find peace just like me after I found out about his doings

[@FlowerPowerWV]

The friends took forever to SEE what was in front of them. SO frustrating!

[@The482075]

@@FlowerPowerWV Manipulative people are very good at not being spotted. They can seem genuine whilst weaving their lies.

[@kaydenpat]

Great short film. I hope young women watch and learn. Leave abusive men alone.

[@ashleyz4888]

This is VERY relatable and realistic. Great job with this video!! It was hard to watch because so many parts remind me of my situation

[@zankeyes624]

OMG! I was starting to cry from sadness when she declined the first call and ended up crying from relief when her mom answered the next. This was so spot on. Thank you and for showing the shorter timeline and the fact that she had so much support around her and it still didn't make her immune to this. The bruises and black eyes are impossible to ignore but some abusers never get physically violent. Noticing the other more subtle signs can be even more important in those cases. Instead of the (mostly false) history or outdated "home economics" why do schools not teach interpersonal skills and healthy interaction? Why do grown adults end up taking sensitivity training at their jobs? Why do we need anti-bullying programs in high school? Seems a tad bit late for most of that. As a society we need to do way better. Kudos to whoever made this video. I will definitely share.

[@adavid2548]

This story started out as a really good example of controlling emotional abuse. I think the escalation to physical abuse turn this into a lost opportunity, of showing how control is abuse in and of itself. We need more examples showing that abuse isn't only physical. Abuser will use something like this video to say "I'm not abusive like that, I don't hit you"

[@jjberg83]

Totally agree. The physical stuff is much less common but so much more obvious. I want to see more of the controlling behavior so we know what to look out for.

[@GB-Art]

Terrible true

[@initameeracle]

I agree, the physical stuff is way less common, and personally I think that makes it that much more insidious and brainwashing for the victim

[@CaptainGrimes1]

True

[@madisondegraffenreid]

You know you have lived it when you are in tears watching this.

[@Amber-hz8mu]

the mental stuff is so much worse than the physical. still feel triggered by this 3 years on. if you're reading this going through the same situation - you are loved and are worthy of so much more. i was in this situation, now i'm in a loving relationship and expecting my first baby! things get better trust me x

[@tovenrvik6336]

Take the step out when devaluation comes in after the lovebombing, that's the first red flag on a Narcissist, it will get worse after that‼️

[@kandykate100]

Well, let me tell you. When my abuser suggested to share my location- I said hell no. You’re a free willed person and don’t let anyone fool you. And stand strickt on what you have said. No means No

[@sagbon98]

This is very relatable. Whilst my relationship with my ex-girlfriend thankfully didn't escalate to the levels of this relationship, I believe my relationship would've eventually gotten there had we gotten married. This happens in a lot of relationships and it's a very accurate storyline of an abusive relationship and needs to be shared and have more views. Like Zara, ex-gf caused me to push away my friends and family but in the end they came and saved me. Very well-crafted video.

[@jjberg83]

Good call getting out before marriage. I can't imagine being in an abusive relationship as a man and trying to divorce. She would probably turn it around onto you, go on the offensive and have the state on her side. You'd be lucky to have any friends or money left after that. Society punishes men they perceive as weak extra hard.

[@katana364]

Some Eds take years to get to this point. It's loving and sweet and perfect, with a side of "constructive criticism" until he is the only one you trust and then it changes to something you notice, but by then you are alone and you self-worth has crumbled away. Everyone who gets away from their Ed is lucky to see the next day. Guys, if your friend finds an Ed and they aren't taking your advice to dump him. Don't keep talking bad about Ed, you'll get pushed away. Sometimes you have to act like you like ED so that your friend isn't lost in the dark alone. Watch, wait, and prepare to scoop them up the moment they let you.

[@un7768]

I used to be in a abusive relationship but lucky i got out early. In the beginning stage he was the most charming and swept me off my feet, i was never met someone that sweet and passionate so I was so quickly fell in love. In the beginning i saw little signs but bcoz I had no knowledge about Coercive control so i thought he is just a really passionate person, i was young and had no idea. Like during first 3 months after we meet he sometimes told me things like how i am not concentrating in doing things and my mind is always elsewhere, how my fashion sense is not very good, i should dress like this like that, in one occasion we were about to travelling to a city to visit his parents, coincidentally i have a good friend live in that city , i told him i would visit my friend and her partner when we are in town visiting his parents, He wasn’t happy and sulky for hours and keep me up until 3am to argue wouldn’t let me sleep, he said that we are travelling there is to visit his parents not to see my friends. That from the picture of my friends that I showed him, he think my friends are not good people (just from a photos, he never met them before). Little things like that…in the 4th months of the relationship, he was angry bcoz I didn’t wait for him to have lunch, i had a problem if i get too hungry i would feel dizzy or not functioning well. He picked fight with me regarding that and out of nowhere call me a f*cking b*tch, i was so shocked, i thought to myself what did i do to deserve that. I am a respectful person i never swear or call people names. We were happy and I love him and only him. Out of nowhere he became angry for a little thing like that I didn’t know why. I walked a way from that argument and that night i went online, i was so confused about what just happened this morning, I googled “my new bf called me F*cking b*tch during an argument “ and all the knowledge about domestic abuse and coercive control, i spent all night read about the signs and red flags, he just fit into it so well that I got so scared. The next day i texted him told him i want to break up. When we met to talk about it he called me f*cking prostitute. (I never spent his money, we shared bills while dating) he almost come to close to my face that almost hit his face into mine. I stepped back and cry and left. Few days after that he keep contacting me but I never answered, lucky me he gave up and stop hassle me after sent messages to my friends on social media told them i was a bitch to him and treated him badly. I was lucky that he didn’t do anything bad after 4 months relationship. Very quickly after that he dated straight away another new gf and he made sure that i know. I was lucky that I learned all knowledge about abuser that night and got out early

[@Shambhavi_patel]

Moreee love to you.💕💕

[@OfficialMyxomatosis]

I met my "Ed" in May 2012. It was a whirlwind of _"I cannot believe this guy_ (one who would never have looked at me in H.S. looooong before then) _wants to date me!",_ and he was gorgeous. It's funny how much the torture and torment the formative years really have on us. Parents, teachers, guidance counselors and therapists *forget that formative means a profound and lasting influence on a person's development.* I was not an ugly girl. Not at all. But I grew up a poor, only child of a single alcoholic Father and we were not religious, so I had no friends. The bullying stuck with me. *Without my knowledge, this made me VULNERABLE to men like "Ed",* and by the time I realized it, he was dragging me around *my condo* by my hair, tackling me, holding a cigarette at my eyeball saying, *"You wanna dog? I'LL SHOW YOU A DOG."* All while claiming it was my fault. I did get away from my "Ed". It took 3 tries. I am grateful every day.

[@PaperMario64]

Im sorry you went through that. Crazy how growing up with an alcoholic or drug addicted parent will cause so much damage that you don’t even realize until later. It makes you tough, capable, grown beyond your years but it will also make you easy prey for narcissists and users because they feel familiar on a deep level. I’m so glad you escaped the beast. Keep building your self love daily.

[@rhondas3017]

I loved the way her girlfriends looked out for her and were skeptical. I’m 65 and my friends are like that too, without all that FaceTime. After watching some of these shorts, it’s apparent it goes across all races and cultures. I personally know a man who has been abused severely over 35 yrs. May peace rule and bullies squashed in 2022.

[@EscapingTheMadness]

This is so good. I’m glad more people are showing what happened within relationships.

[@saintessa]

I think the perspective of someone seeing through their phone is a really important one!

[@iamgoddessoflove]

After going through an abusive relationship, we tend to feel so alone, but finding other women who have experienced the same thing you have, can be very comforting. 💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@lynne1517]

This was so accurate. I’ve been there... you know things don’t feel right but they make you feel that you’re the one with the problem. I’ll never let it to happen to me again. The first sign of them trying to control me and it’s over. Things only get worse ! They’re horrible people and they’ll never change

[@Ohkeh640]

What are more red flags

[@alishagee3450]

@lynne im sorry to hear that you have gone through the same experience.. how are you now dealing with the healing process?

[@tovenrvik6336]

They want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light ‼️

[@tovenrvik6336]

@@Ohkeh640 The first red flag on a Narcissist is devaluation, when it comes in it's time to leave, things will get worse, some kill their partner ‼️

[@angelhart5248]

No one should go through this

[@Yinyanchant]

Before the days of social media, calling everyone a narcissist & misusing the word 'literally' in every single sentence we just eliminated anyone from our lives that made us feel bad. That rule still stands strong today. 🤗

[@anonplussedhuman2615]

Extremely triggering but I'm glad this is made. This definitely shows the little early indicators of how abusive partners start. They get weird about your whereabouts, complain when you spend time with friends and overall start gaslighting and manipulating. My ex would throw fits if I ever gave my friends attention without him being in center and used fake therapy advice. I'm so glad I left.

[@xobls]

I dated someone like this for one too many years! Nothing you do will ever be right. They act like they own your entire life. It’s so embarrassing having to ask your friends not to post things with you in them to please your controlling boyfriend who always thinks you’re doing something wrong. Trust me ladies, it gets old. It may take a while for some of us, but eventually it gets old & exhausting. We are better than we allow them to treat us !! ♥️

[@daddilo2847]

So glad I watched this, it gave me the extra push to stay moving forward.

[@tovenrvik6336]

Look to Narc Survivor, he also help ppl who has suffered from Narcissistic abuse ‼️Dr Judy Rosenberg, Dr Sam Vatkin has good videos about Narcissism ‼️

[@kittyk.klandasions7008]

The way this was done as if we were witnessing a Real life phone interaction Was An Absolutley Unique and BRILLIANT Idea!! Definitly Deserves an Award*

[@nisansala100]

Finally a horror movie with a happy ending twist. It was extremely anxiety inducing before the last frame. I thought she was going to be dead by the time her friends got to her.

[@LD-ju7ge]

Same

[@sophialuypaert-vediclife4ever]

well done with the social media .... she was lucky that she still had friends and family around... narc or abusive partner usually burns all bridge with your family and friends leaving you all alone and no one to talk too or share ... completely at their mercy...

[@sarah4531]

This is often how it works with teens, but an abusive narcissist like that will only get better at the abuse & work harder at isolating their victim before the abuse starts in an obvious way. This is a good starter for you folk though, especially showing how social media can be used to control and manipulate.

[@dapsolita]

As a survivor of DV so glad the lid is coming off this behavior! Also, someone in the comments mentioned seeing this in school?? Great school!!

[@reneekelley4279]

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app [phone] or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . I it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

[@tovenrvik6336]

@@reneekelley4279 If he isn't abusive against you, wt blaming, isolation, devaluation, gaslightning, smear campaigns, triangulation, playing mindgames etc., things that's Narcissistic abuse, and you love him, I think you shall take him back‼️Tell him you have thought about leaving him bcs you feel he's cheating, and that a change needs to come‼️

[@conversevans43]

This was an amazing story! The cast was phenomenal, and everyone portrayed their roles perfectly. The story was extremely well written and wasn't all over the place like some short films I've watched. It was truly remarkable, and it shows people that being abused in NOT OK AND IT IS NO JOKE! Zara was very blessed to have such supportive friends and parents that loved her so much and cared about her. They were truly concerned about her well-being and were worried. I can't believe the bruises and the degrading ugly words he used towards her to make her feel beneath him as if she was just worthless. The thing that is always the hardest for me to watch is seeing the one that is being abused just continuously blame themselves. They are so brainwashed from their abuser that they actually think they deserve to be treated like that. I started to get extremely worried at the end too, especially when her phone went quiet. I had bad vibes and was wishing that nothing would happen to this poor girl, so young, beautiful, and her whole life ahead of her. Sorry for rambling but thank you for sharing/uploading your work. I absolutely loved it! I look forward to seeing more of your future projects :)

[@Swa3by]

So true, I just got out of a year of abuse. I still can’t get fully away because we live together., I put so much into it and am now having to figure what can be done I’m so isolated and didn’t realize, he made me out as such a bad person to everyone.

[@tovenrvik6336]

They do smear campaignes on others, triangulation, plays the victim, blames, blameshift, mind games, gaslight, isolate, play mind games, lovebombing, devaluation, Stalking, sleepdeprivation etc. ‼️They are abusers, who will get worse, devaluation after lovebombing is the first red flag on a Narcissist, it's time to leave when it comes in ‼️

[@momto3souls58]

Powerful and speaks to the ambient experience of control. The most frightening experience ever ,thank you for this.

[@PaperMario64]

This was so well done. So glad her friend told her mom.

[@derya94b]

I pressed snooze at the beginning 🙈

[@intriguingmind9435]

Lol I almost did too

[@SimplisticSimlish]

i never realized this is the type of relationship i may be in until now.

[@zafinaseldom3127]

You'll never understand unless it happens to you. It never got physical for me but doesn't make it any better or any worse. Know who you are and what you want. Keep fighting.

[@hsr9321]

This is so sad because it unfortunately happens - I can't believe some people are like this. This video needs more views.

[@tovenrvik6336]

Narcissists get more exposed now, wt all the videos at KZbin, Narc Survivor, Dr Judy Rosenberg, Dr Sam Vatkin and Dr Ramani etc. ‼️Narcissists want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light ‼️

[@sabrinay9430]

As soon as I realized that this guy I was seeing could see whenever I was online I turned my activity off. He was very insecure and jealous. He showed that very early on and I knew enough about red flags to end it before I got in too deep. We went back and forth for awhile but I eventually realized that he would just get worse with the jealousy and control. It made me sad, still does, but I know I deserve better.

[@Diaryofaqueen777]

I have never watched something that I related to so much. Today is the day that I chose me and decided to walk away

[@jessi3271]

Same girl we gotta stay strong though 💪🏻 😪

[@Liz-wz8dh]

Definitely lived the beginning stages of this. Watch out for the small things they request first. It doesn't come all at once. It helped me to keep notes of anything significant that happened in the relationship so I could see the pattern over time, that way when the first big thing that violated my boundaries happened, I could see all the steps and make up my mind more quickly instead of sitting in doubt.

[@ellishines9833]

It happened to me but mentally so it was kind of hard to watch

[@sarahreinhard2167]

Yeah it didn't last long when I was an abusive bf...I wish I would have left the second he went form zero to 1000

[@tovenrvik6336]

@@sarahreinhard2167 That's called Narcissistic rage‼️

[@daftyduckie4207]

this is SCARILY accurate! brilliant work

[@brainiac31K]

My ex wife had huge control problems that blossomed slowly after the wedding until by the end she was a screaming, cheating harpie accusing me of the very things she was doing. I’m going my own way after that.

[@katyhawkins1149]

Projection is one of the quickest doors out of a relationship/marriage because being accused of what you're not doing and knowing it has to be coming from somewhere else just says everything about them..

[@jjberg83]

@@katyhawkins1149 Yep. I got accused of wanting to cheat with platonic women friends quite a bit. Which was funny when I caught her texting her ex.

[@Heskenclark]

The instant he was telling her when to call him and bossing her around I knew. The way somebody makes you feel is not unintentional when they make you feel overwhelmed and unorganized. A real lover supports you and embraces you to thrive.

[@jjberg83]

Yep and they LOVE to do it when you're around friends and family. And those people eventually get annoyed with you not being in the moment with them and stop inviting you out. Which is all part of the abuser's plan.

[@UnraveledwithJoy]

I think the guy I’ve been talking to shows signs he is an abuser, he hasn’t done anything crazy yet but I can just tell. I don’t know what to say to him. I can’t just ignore him because he lives next door, how do i express this?

[@Heskenclark]

@@UnraveledwithJoy just make lots of little excuses for every interaction. If you tell him he’s an abuser it will be shocking, and he might try to argue. Still you have your intuition. Trust it. I don’t know all the details but you don’t have to tell him the same explanation every time, just make up excuses. Act completely uninteresting. Grayrock him. He may get the drift.

[@basicallyahm5806]

This is an incredible piece of art

[@Tshepiso18]

This video has me crying by my desk at work because wow!

[@TheRebelGypsy]

I lived with this for over 40 years, constant monitoring, I couldn’t even got to the toilet by myself, emotional abuse & control damages how you feel about yourself. Don’t waste your life like I did, get out at the first sign of controlling behaviour, it only gets worse.

[@lisar9425]

Tangential to topic, but must be said: This is a BRILLIANT bit of filmmaking. Consummate, really. Hats off!

[@femaleanonymous8016]

This is beautiful presentation of realistic events that take place when you have Narcicisit on your hands. I have gone through this personally.

[@theguynextdoor4978]

It often starts out small, and that people sense that something is off. The man/woman often starts testing the waters to see how much they can get away with, and then it escalates into full-blown abuse. Controlling, obsessive and manipulation is not how healthy relationships should be. I always get a lot of backlash from women who think only men can be abusive. But this is never ok! I don't care if it's a woman or man doing it. Abuse is abuse! End of discussion.

[@ronfirek5824]

This evil has to stop. Blessings

[@afrowoman7930]

I wish this had more views, it was brilliantly done💕

[@healthymindcounselingwelln5411]

Thank You!!!! This is very eye opening and so true. I will be sharing this as well

[@Canaday291]

I can relate to this I just divorced a verbally and physically abusive Coercively controlling Psychopath narcissist alcoholic He damaged my eye socket punching me in eye while I was 6 months pregnant He broke my ribs three different times throwing me down ............ Death threats ........ He stole the light inside of me and he’s still sadistically targeting my children He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing A Jekyll and Hyde So very dangerous

[@MiraculousAngelTarot]

This shows the case when you have supportive family and friends.

[@leahbobeah13]

i’m literally sobbing rn. this was amazing.

[@mellameow5892]

Wow! Absolutely brilliant. I got such a fright at the end. I was so invested in this. Well done! I wish we could just change people's harts that abuse!!

[@frejat3306]

It should be taught in schools. I must admit that I was never taught the first signs of an abusive relationship. The red flags?

[@bbbybby7703]

In my case, my family are my abusers (along with others). It's the saddest thing. I will never escape from my family. I have to pretend everything is fine to not be even more abused. I got used to act for my own safety. For some of us there is no hope. I gave up on myself 2 years ago when my family tried to kill me...now I just pretend and wait to die.

[@excitedaboutlearning1639]

There is help available. You're worth receiving help! Don't give up!

[@ZOE-tu3fu]

What a lovely little support group.

[@brianbommarito3376]

I feel sorry for any girl (or boy) that is in Zara’s place, please know that you deserve so much more than what your Ed is doing to you. Please get away from them as soon as you can, they are a ticking time bomb that’s just waiting to go off. It’s to your credit that you’ve tried to be patient and loving with them. But there are certain limits of common human decency that should never be crossed. If they repeatedly cross those lines with you, if they are in the regular habit of being verbally and even physically abusive with you, and they do it as naturally as breathing, without any second thought, then they don’t really love or respect you. They’re treating you like a punching bag and it’s inexcusable. Not only should you break away from them, but tell the authorities and tell your friends to keep away from them. The abuser will ultimately try to find someone else to replace you. They are very dangerous and could wind up hurting or even killing someone. Do everything you can to protect yourself and those around you from any further abuse from this person. Please be safe, and please know that we care about you. You matter to us. I wish I could give you a hug to let you know how much I care, but sadly these words will have to do.

[@thefreedomsquad456]

And there are situations that are much more subtle and don’t involve physical abuse but are just as damaging.

[@maureenclarke8120]

This was so well done!

[@thecultofjohnnydelr.soulsw7010]

Social media plays a massive part in all of this mess.

[@tovenrvik6336]

There has always been abusive Narcissists, they get exposed now bcs of KZbin and other media, it's about time‼️

[@allac3630]

Thank you for creating a film to spread awareness 🙏🙏

[@ThinkInk1604]

There’s not always physical abuse, that’s why the person and everybody around her/him doesn’t recognize it as abuse.

[@kerynmartin6454]

I’m so glad this one had a positive ending. Clever way of presenting the sad issue. Hope it helps some one. More than one 🌷

[@leighparratt3015]

A good video. But most domestic abuse is emotional/psychological which renders the victim mentally ill. Need more exposure of other forms of abuse.

[@glamourwithjabreon3164]

What stood out is all the abuse that's been inflicted on her, she thinks it's because it's karma. She normalized it like she deserves it. She thinks it's because of her but it has nothing to do with her its him. Ugh.🥺

[@ruthakele1301]

Unfortunately some of us do not have family, a home or friends who actually like us. It’s just a sad end for some of us.

[@mariepaulinebarajas3105]

Those are damn good friends!!! We victims of domestic violence cant see.what our friends and our loved ones see until it's to late!! It is so easy for them to tell us to leave!!! Easier said than done!!! It is very hard leave. We keep making excuses, we begin to admit or agree that it is "OUR FAULT", and then we change ourselves for them, for what? So they can have control over us, so that we can make things good for the moment??? Like I said, these are very good friends and you have loving parents who are all there by your side!! Those are the kind of friends who will have your back no matter what!! And the kind of friends who wouldn't have let him lay a hand on you!!! That's why HE DIDN'T WANT THEM AROUND WITH YOU GUYS!!

[@Tee-Seriesss]

wow I’m in tears . This must be shown in schools especially to teenagers , this must be shown by parents to their children before they move out

[@meganh4532]

Omg I waa so sure she would take her life. Seeing the mom made me cry.

[@SabinaVictoriaP]

This was eye opening thank you. I forgot how abusive he is. I've run away so many times Now I'm pregnant with his kid living with my mom still see him often idk what to do help

[@tovenrvik6336]

Teatch yourself about Narcissism, they are abusers no one can be happy wt, as a mother you will need your energy, not a Narcissist draining it‼️Those isolate, blames, do smear campaignes, triangulation, devaluation, gaslightning, blameshift, sleepdeprivation, play mind games etc. ‼️Don't let him into your life, they likes to trap a woman into marriage and motherhood, to gain power and control on another persons expence, some of them kill their partner ‼️Use your mind instead of feelings wt them, they are master manipulators and evil‼️Learn about Narcissism from Narc Survivor, Dr Judy Rosenberg, Sam Vatkin and Dr Ramani and others‼️👍

[@intr0vert315]

Damn..... This made me cry. I didn't have a mom to come save me.... But it's ok I'm learning now.

[@parkerd2074]

I will say this is actually quite well done

[@mlee7290]

Just tell your Male family members and police and go no contact as soon as possible if you are in this type of situation don’t work hard for them

[@tahwsisiht]

Coercive control should be thought in highschool. Or even in middle school. Nobody should suffer unnecessarily and nobody should be losing the direction of their own life to someone else. Someone else who decides to control others instead of working on their own self. The importance of healthy boundaries!

[@tahwsisiht]

Social media accelerated the problem, but it always existed. With the internet, we have growing awareness of it. Also, we have videos to learn how to deal with it and we have validation when we lose our perceptions in an unhealthy psychological environment.

[@katiehicks7631]

Wow. How scary. The red flags began with him messaging her on Facebook.

[@nay2161]

This one was well done.

[@slashbash1347]

One of the interesting things about abusers is they don't try to alienate you from EVERYONE. They just alienate from those who are most likely to notice and say something.

[@angelaterry6510]

Great job! Accurate and current. Wish you hadn't included a background track with offensive language, makes it hard for me to share online as I work for an evangelical organization and have to be careful what I post. It doesn't add to the story. But it is MY story and so many young people- men too! - need to see this. I wish you had played it out to show Ed getting accountability.

[@nadinecolbath5584]

This is what happens when you believe in lies. I'm so thankful that the abuse I suffered wasn't as bad. My heart goes out to all the men and women who go through this type of abuse. I got beat by my first and second husband, but not to the point of having a black eye. They knew enough not to hit my face. The bruises on my body could be explained away. Mostly on my arms and legs. I barely got out without them being manipulative and threatening me to come back. But back in the late '70's early '80's, cops didn't do much for the victims. This SHOULD be taught in schools for both boys and girls. That way they know the signs to look for.

[@jess_acnh_8810]

This was triggering for me to say the least... i ended my coercive controlling abusive & violent "man" I was with in 2016...I nw have ptsd coz of his attacks & suffer headaches coz of broken bones in my face & back pain also.. he'd of killed me.. used strangle me every time.. I started fighting back..after a while of being attacked..n then it got so much worse...I give up..hoping one day he'd kill me instead.. I had left him numerous times beforehand and always went bk...even when he was let out jail after the attacks & being let out early due to me not attending the courts out of fear...!! He destroyed me..!! Womens aid have helped me so much since..plz get out if this is you...!!!