Cancel Marriage: Merav Michaeli at TEDxJaffa

Merav Michaeli discusses the institution of marriage as an out-of-date and un-evolved concept in modern society. Examining history and the traditional roles of men and women as they play out in modern society, Merav explores ways in which society could find itself even more enlightened by canceling the old-school concept of traditional marriage for a new and more culturally appropriate alternative.
Merav is an op-ed writer for "Ha'aretz" newspaper, a lecturer of communications in various colleges and a social activist. Recognized for her advocacy and public activism for women's rights, she is one of Israel's most prominent journalists and host of prime-time television entertainment talk shows.
Known for her ability to consistently challenge views and positions, she has been the star of her own two-hour daily radio talk show, television current event magazine hour, and documentary series. Her career has also spanned into the world of comedy and political satire, guest starring in programs such as Israel's equivalents of "Saturday Night Live" and Bill Maher's "Politically Incorrect."
Merav also founded and presides over the national lobby to advance the struggle against sexual assault in Israel.

[@chalupayoung2585]

This is garbage. She describes child care as an awful thing to endure, and uses examples of husbands who do absolutely nothing to contribute. What about those of us who work with our spouse?

[@sharonberry410]

It's such a small % it's not worth mentioning.

[@claudiafahey1353]

How about EVERYONE does what they want and if I choose to have a traditional marriage thats my choice. Its stunning to me that people continuously try to change others due to their own unhappiness...

[@reinashonibarelajay]

Thank you!

[@fatimamohammad6358]

Yes I agree😊😊😊 100%

[@diplamatikjuan3595]

Exactly. It doesn't work for me so it shouldn't work for anyone. Translation: I am the center of the universe and the world should reflect myself and my beliefs. Let's hope this little narcissist never obtains any real power

[@marijanpetricevic6227]

The people who support this way of thinking are imbeciles and probably not even aware of their totalitarian tendencies.

[@danaliu3295]

Can I just also say that this unpaid work that women have to do is also the reason that nurturing work is underpaid and undervalued in the work force? Service workers are paid so little and have to put up with so much.

[@mariekirby1683]

wonderful talk. I've always felt this way. It's great to see someone voice it. It's food for thought. I've always felt that we are taught that women were supposed to be grateful for their position in life and not to complain. If they do complain they are beaten down. Still I think we have many options now, be married, be single, be divorced, whatever. You are no longer a pariah if you are not married. Well, I (an unmarried woman) don't need society's approval, and it's a great discussion. Thanks for this talk, Merav Michaeli.

[@dreamingflurry2729]

Stop turning this into a women's issue! Marriage is bad for men (who suffer more - especially financially and concerning custody - in divorce!), too! Marriage needs to die IMHO, but that doesn't make this an issue that only concerns women!

[@andrewa312]

What marriage "represents" can be actually done without marriage.

[@squallgreg]

What an argment, I am convinced !

[@SHLOMIYAN]

if you have no appreceation to the term 'Commitment' in its true serious sense , than you are right.

[@sibusiso2841]

@@SHLOMIYAN human beings have been committed and married to each other way before marriage contracts had to be signed. We can still have a marriage without I as a man risking my livelihood if we split up

[@SHLOMIYAN]

@@sibusiso2841 That's not a problem with mariage, that's a problem with modern society. the main point with mariage is the serious commitment, which is already being dissrespected by modern society. this is why we are devorcing today in much higher rates than before, not just because society is much more tolerant towards divorce, but mainly due to the fact we are raised in the western world to be a blunt individual who prefers own interesses oberr anything else. only those who can overcome it and become a sharing person have a better chance to a good mariage life. and those who do have a good mariage life , to my oppinion are benefitting from it more than any other alternative. thats only my oppinion.

[@AquarianAngel]

@@SHLOMIYAN Commitment can be accomplished without institutional shams such as marriage.

[@thatotherchannel7945]

When I think of the word marriage, I think of suffocation. I don’t know why. I’ve been taught that marriage is often warm and loved, but personally I do not want to get married. I do not want to chain myself to another person in order to truthfully say I love them.

[@imjustadorito7207]

i can really relate, i feel like most marriages are not ending well. my parents are divorced but they stayed together for 5 years because the government would give divorced people less money. also i am very scared of being possessed. i don’t want to obey someone just because we’re married. it’s my life, my choice. and if i want someone who can decide with me, i can just ask my partner for their opinion. i would feel hem in if i knew, i have to clear every move i make with my partner. i want to be free. i believe in love. why do i need a piece of paper where it says : now you belong together. you’re officially in love. if i enter an relationship, i clearly think it will last forever. i don’t need a prove or something. (also is a wedding dress very expensive lol)

[@delmanpronto9374]

75% divorce rate in california... marriage is collapsing.

[@SHLOMIYAN]

maybe check if your true issue is with commitment. when you find the one to commit to, marriage won't seem so scary.

[@jiaying141]

@@SHLOMIYAN Maybe find something else to do instead of harassing people for their life choices 😐 not everyone has the same desires and have different needs then you. Go ahead and marry if you want to but don’t criticize people for wanting or needing a different life style. People have different definitions of happiness

[@SHLOMIYAN]

@@jiaying141 you are another example of Cancel Culture, If you dont like my oppinion you can simply ignore it. I am that woman's countryman and I know her slightly better tham you do. nobody told you what to do in your own life.

[@indrinita]

I find it interesting that all the negative comments on this vid are coming from men, even though she's just laying out the history of marriage, which is an institution made by men to benefit men. If it weren't and marriage was so intrinsically great, no one would need to brainwash women from childhood that it's what they want most.Today as women find more independence financially on their own, more are choosing to remain unmarried for longer, or not even get married at all, plus fewer are choosing to have children. The ruse is over, the cat's out of the bag. Gender restrictions suck, and if you have the choice to not have to live them, guess what? You don't live them!

[@gregstickler3798]

Why not have a woman who gives the other side they could pull down everything she says she makes the man out to be a slob slack treat women like dirt typical radical feminist

[@desurvival1]

+The Fuzz VERY INTERESTING

[@User-LS-n5m]

@The Flaneur babe calm down, and talk to a therapist lol seriously

[@DarkLight-sz1vp]

Feminists Vs Incels

[@Donotcare6]

I don't know other men but i support this women

[@HannaSilver]

I think this talk is amazing. I thank my partner for being the one to say to me first, "no, I don't think we should ever marry." HE had to convince ME! And he did. I don't need to sign a contract because I'm in love. I don't need to have an entire day of publicly displaying my affection for him. He cooks for me, we share the house work and we don't want kids. It's a good life for us.

[@skyadriana5419]

That sounds interesting.. What if unexpectedly u get pregnant? Will you make freely an abortion? You have the right not to respond but .. it is a real life situation. What would you do?

[@HannaSilver]

Sky Adriana I have to admit the scenario has crossed my mind. I'm currently using Implanon, so pregnancy is just impossible. I am pro abortion. I can't say what I would do if I were in that situation!

[@skyadriana5419]

Thank you for your honest answer. Now I would like to know: how much this decision is yours and how much - his (no kids and no family). What if he wakes up one day and begs you "Oh, let's have kids" - does this mean you will totally honestly refuse him "No!"? I also do not feel ready for kids but let me share my reason: it is because the man whom I was with is totally irresponsible. If he were responsible, I would not be afraid to have kids with him. For example, my brother is not married but he and his partner have a kid. He works his ass off for the mortgage, he studies for a doctorate degree, she also works but less than him. It is because he knows that she takes care of the apartment. Call me old-fashioned if you like but... To me, a man who says "Let us not marry, let us not have kids; but let's just live together" is 99.999% a runaway from responsibility guy. The observation is that after some time, such men either cheat or break up and marry other women, destroying the lives of their former partners - a really quite painful breakup. Marriage nowadays in the modern western world is much more taking a responsibility on the side of the man rather than shackles for the woman.

[@HannaSilver]

Sky Adriana it is a joint decision for no children. He and I both have our reasons. I suffered an indecent assault from a friend's father when I was 11; consequently i grew up depressed about life, and at age 17 decided I wouldn't want to force life on anyone. I felt for a long time that the good things in life did not outweigh the bad. Now, 20 years on from that incident, I have finally resolved my issues. But having not wanted to bring life into the world for so long, it is hard for me to make the backflip. Plus, I am TERRIFIED of childbirth. My partner shares my fear of childbirth, and would not wish it on me. He suffers from depression, so he has his own reasons for not wanting to create children. I would really like to be a foster parent one day.

[@skyadriana5419]

Hanna Silver so actually you are ready to have kids one day, as a foster parent. Your case is more related to suffering and coping with the consequences than to a free choice, as far as I see. So your case cannot be replicated as some sort of a typical situation. Shortly said, if your life had been happier at childhood, you would have freely had a kid and a family in the classical sense. Having said that, I wish you a really happy life ahead. As far as I can see, it is already much happier! Hugs!

[@neptronix]

Damn, i married a woman ( i'm a man ) and i do all the housework. I think i got screwed on this deal.

[@masterartist1025]

You crack me up...funny!!!

[@thepernicketywriter8033]

You would be screwed if you actually did ALL the housework, but I don't think you do. Anyone who scrolls down enough will see more of your comments spewing the same retrogressive anti-feminist drivel.

[@masterartist1025]

ThePernicketyWriter My children are independent adults now. But, when I was with my husband I did all the ALL. The house/repairs, yard-work & home-schooling. Plus, I made money on the side as an entrepreneur. My husband was king on his 3 day weekends.

[@thepernicketywriter8033]

Elgeta Witt - Wasn't talking to you.

[@masterartist1025]

ThePernicketyWriter Ooops! Sorry! I must learn how to communicate better, up here. Please, forgive me.

[@pastor1689]

If you don't take your husbands name you simply keeping your fathers name.

[@ngumlovered7566]

I don’t see an issue with that

[@Jojo_D_Northstar]

Wendy Peace while you’re at it stop keeping your husbands money after divorce too

[@niamhha9014]

She may have gotten it from her mother, for all we know. Also, it’s *her* name. You don’t ask someone, “what’s your fathers surname?” You ask, “what’s your surname?” I wouldn’t drop my surname if I got married, simply because it’s a part of my identity. I love my parents, but the decision would not be about them.

[@Suane333]

Some people adopt a surname that is from neither side. We also need to normalize stay at home fathers. Fathers need more rights in custody decisions.

[@maaruz1979]

marriage is not the problem; culturally infused attitudes that people bring to marriage and dependence on the laws of the state is a lot of the problem

[@thatgirltiffany]

Damn these comments are so confusing. People want to disagree, but somehow... agree?

[@thatgirltiffany]

***** Good point.

[@Shortana]

When a child comes into this world it has absolutely no idea of man invented concepts such as marriage but when it grows older it really believes that marriage is as natural as a growing tree. No harm in increasing awareness of what is a fundamental need and what is made up to keep power in one place. Good speech this lady gave!

[@simplefun1184]

Well said. I had always uncomfortable feeling to “happily ever after “ or “marriage is a contract, even after love faded it’s beautiful to stick together until death.” or seeing one person sacrifice their dream and life for another to stay together. Or one person totally depending on or using another to live.

[@michaelt5017]

Please don't refer to a child as an "it", say "he or she".

[@PRASANTHTHOMAS-hx3nh]

When a Child comes into this world it knows the existance of a mother- the person whom it trusts instinctively and unconditionally and knows even the smell distinctly and the father- the companion of the mother and the other person it can trust. So yes, it's Natural and not "man made"- which is why all cultures, without a single exception believed in Marriage

[@healkids]

The most interesting part to me was what she left out: that 50% of marriages fail, and that 25 of the ones that don't, hare unhappy. Amazingly not a word!

[@sljoseph74]

And you left out, that 80% of marriages are ended by the woman. And the courts crush the man/father.

[@spiritlikem3963]

Been married twice for love, only to find out it’s not about love on both occasions 😪

[@mayer.korching9828]

Its not about love its about stability. Marriage is about commitment one spouse has for the other.

[@beautyintheskies]

It is about trust more than love. Trust is the core tenet of a marriage. Love (and lust) are too finicky to base a marriage on as they are fleeting emotions. However trust can be built between two people and where trust goes love will quickly follow.

[@ilin3911]

it seems funny and ironic to me that most women in comments agree wth her and most men call her crazy , is it a coincidence ? haha

[@nigar_015]

Kes sesini🖕🖕🖕

[@LongLiveIsrael-c7y]

Well, there is more than 1000 comments. I find it hard to believe you went through ALL of them to come to such conclusion

[@liz.217]

Cause we get the short end of the stick

[@MrMalcolm900]

What’s actually funny is that marriage actually works way more in the favor of women than it does men.

[@CathyS_Bx]

My hubs and I married without a party, without a bridal gown, in City Hall ,in 1979. We agreed: no kids. We are still together all these years later. We have a bond and it's not based on male domination or any domination at all. I recommend it!

[@chachachoochoo]

It's not all about your agreement, it's about the archaic views about women's roles and how we're oppressed through the actions of these rituals.

[@sasquatchycowboy5585]

@@chachachoochoo Your oppressed by marriage?

[@benstandard]

then there was no need to get the government involved in it.

[@canwetalkaboutthat6117]

Here here

[@aidatavarez1969]

I lived the marriage dream and it was exhausting. Worked just as she expressed. I think she is provocative but has posted a serious question mark over the institution.

[@MuDkipzCHancelLOr]

She has no eggs, of course she doesn't like marriage. She chose to lose the game, as did you, and you want to make sure nobody else can win. Also, drug and crime statistics for children without 2 parents exist. You can much better provide data to throw those not married on a labor island than you can find data to support "cancelling" marriage (doesn't exist).

[@MrMalcolm900]

I personally don’t believe in marriage, however, I would never advocate for its abolishment. If marriage works for you, then it works for you, just because you were unhappy in your marriage doesn’t mean that this type of rule applies to everybody. I have seen plenty of marriages That have worked out. I have plenty of friends involved in marriages that works just fine for them. And although I personally don’t care for marriage, I look at the grand picture. And that is having a nuclear family, in which I know is 100% essential in having a functioning society. If you look at most countries that have a majority nuclear family at each household, crime is actually low in those type of countries.

[@coolspot5577]

Marriage is a partnership not a ownership marriage is like a company owned by two equal people who assist, advice, confort or anything that will benefit the company the wedding is the opening of the company

[@crimsonshadow42]

Yes please cancel marraige, it's an establishment that hurts men more than women.

[@WordsofHarmony]

crimsonshadow42 yeah I guess now that you cant own women anymore

[@DarthVader20201]

Marriage = happiness is the formula for girls grow up to show people they are married

[@coolspot5577]

The perfect marriage is two people living their separate individual lives then coming home and then ask each other how was your day? Not people who are trying to limit each other goals and ambitions by jealousy and insecurity

[@DarkLight-sz1vp]

EXACTLY THANK YOU

[@darthnatas953]

Where were the children all day?

[@Eric-rs1zu]

I agree with her and think that marriages should be more like leasing a car and the terms of the lease need to be set at the time of the signing of the contract and reviewed every so many years to see if it's worth continuing the agreement. This way if the couple grows apart or if one person isn't holding up their end of the deal then it can simply dissolve at the conclusion of the lease and the divorce rate will plummet since people would be willing to make the relationship work at least until the lease expires.

[@garthwayne]

+Eric Pitts this is actually a good idea. lease ...lol. if I am not happy bye....no court to take half my stuff.

[@neverlookidly172]

there actually is a way you can do this, it's called a "sunset clause" where upon the marriage document expires/marriage dissolves if by x set time (its not fixed it can be what ever you like it to be as far as i've read up on) you do not renew the document. I don't know if this is possible in every country although.

[@omarelgo6267]

Aka prostitution

[@snowwhite5842]

Don’t get married and start a family if you don’t know if you really like the person. Is it that hard to think ahead and make good choices. You don’t get to “try on” different people.

[@Eric-rs1zu]

@snowwhite5842 That's fine if people didn't change, although they inevitably do, and unfortunately, people can grow apart.

[@marinaton]

Amazing presentation. Very refreshing to hear someone finally talking publicly about the nonsensical concept of marriage.

[@SHLOMIYAN]

I thaught TED lectures are supposed to make people smarter.

[@jiaying141]

It must have been awkward for the married couples after that talk lol

[@SHLOMIYAN]

In Israel not many people waste their time listening to this woman (and I am trying to be polite by saying that),

[@thebidendotwin2926]

Only if they’re idiotic enough to take her seriously

[@curly_wyn]

@@SHLOMIYAN sexist.

[@ליאםאברהם-פ4ת]

It's sad but it's true

[@surefootprints3484]

​@@curly_wyn Come on. If it's true that no one listens to this woman in Israel, how does that make the person who reports it sexist?

[@yosefwaysman]

But married men are not an ethnic group. They are people of all races making a conscious decision to perpetuate this unjust institution.

[@BlindBabeBeth]

She makes some interesting points yet her entire talk is saturated in condescension.

[@thatzmyboy]

Rather than abolish marriage, let's tweak it so every couple can create their own definition of a successful marriage based on their needs and goals -- not longevity. We need better models than our one-size-fits-all traditional model; "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels" offers them.

[@curly_wyn]

Nah, abolish marriage.

[@stregalilith]

Yes marriage needs a complete overhaul. The division of labor is horrendous. She is wonderful and she’s right.

[@rachellove4221]

My parents been married for over 30 years. It's a disaster. Marriage doesn't equal love. Decades of marriage doesn't equal love. Instead of viewing marriage as a prize maybe we should concentrate on achieving real love because I know for a fact marriage does not equal love.

[@lianhathaway1974]

Yes, because marriage and love are two different things. Marriage is an act of love though not everyone will marry because of love, others just feel the need of it for other reasons.

[@maceyjohnson6035]

Marriage is about two people becoming one. Marriage is more than just legally being together. If both partners truly devote themselves to their marriage, it's probably one of the best things you can do in life. It's a shame that the vows of marriage are so often broken nowadays and that people are way too quick to break them.

[@mfriedrich2012]

Correction: Marriage is one of the best things a WOMAN can do. For men, different story. Marriages fail at unacceptably high rates. The consequences of said failure are far worse for men than women. Separation from children is in almost certainty (90%). Slavery to the state via alimony (90%). Non-audited child support (90%). Threats of imprisonment. This is all after divorce. Before divorce, men in marriage look forward to withholding of intimacy and sex, wife weight gain, loss of personal power and self-determination and high miserability. It is not worth it.

[@JasonfromMinnesota]

mfriedrich2012 there is a price to pay to bear children

[@indrinita]

+mfriedrich2012 You're absolutely under no obligation to get married, and from the sounds of it, shouldn't.

[@TheCrystal666]

+Macey Johnson Well... can 'two people become one'?! =))))) All I see is people marrying for sex, fortune and other rubbish... social status, snobbery and crap. What's so 'holy' about this?!

[@alimammadov8423]

+JasonfromMinnesota Waaaay too high price!

[@markrichardson66]

She's stretching the point about the origins of the word "wife" as meaning "womb". The origins are listed as being uncertain, and anyway the word "wife" originally meant either woman or wife, as did the word "queen". If a man in Anglo-Saxon times had said "you are my wife/queen" it simply meant "you are my woman". The same is true in many Germanic languages today - in modern German, for instance, "Mann" means either man or husband and "Frau" means either wife or woman.

[@Panwere36]

Whenever someone has to overreach or "stretch", that is called a LIE!!

[@sharonberry410]

"shame," also "pudenda," but the only examples of it would be the Germanic words and Tocharian (a lost IE language of central Asia) kwipe, kip "female pudenda."

[@sumitshresth]

i am seeing lots of hatred to what she is saying... i agree that the way she told was partial to one gender but the the essense of her talk still holds true... marriage is increasingly getting outdated and we need proper alternatives to it... from a guys point of view i have more points than her on say why marriage sucks for men (now if not before. Putting aside the islamic world). For people who are angry on this idea reminds me of people when galileo explained that world was not flat or when they heard that human could fly or when one single bomb could destroy entire city... just becuase you cannot imagine something because your assumptions dont allow that doesnt mean it doesnt hold true... just think out of the box and imagine a world without marriage in place (or maybe it never existed) and you will realize that monogamous marriage is actually a pain in the ass than a proper solution in modern world

[@leannemedhurst9662]

my male best friend has offered to help me have children one day. a load of my other friends think that I'm crazy. and before anyone asks he happens to be gay. I am so glad to find that there is someone else out there who can see other ways for families and communities to exist.

[@lvteachme973]

Yes, and their is love in real friendship and that's what it's about.

[@kalebbales]

As a Christian man, I believe marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship between Christ and his love for the church. I'm supposed to love and serve my wife to the point of laying down my life for her as Christ died for us. What she is describing is a broken institution without God.

[@Dalila-ms8eh]

I am not religious but I do agree with you.

[@zengamer321]

I don't know about some of her reasoning but yes, marriage is far outdated. Get rid of it.

[@ethyyl]

If you choose traditional marriage, is it a conscientious choice? That’s the point she is trying to make. Everyone is blaming her when a system is already in place which we blindly succumb to.

[@warhol20000]

I agree with her, but how do I tell my wife now?

[@lvteachme973]

Lol

[@qicai3682]

"Let's divorce."

[@DanielGanea]

Seducing her for the rest of her life?..

[@warriorofice33]

if you want to cancel marriage, as a society we need to stop teaching kids that marriage is wonderful and showing it in movies likes its a great thing. I have no idea how we could accomplish this unless we have better alternatives. its like saying stop the 40 hours working week, ok, how? what are we going to do? we need solutions... or at least new ideas, new ways. I agree tho that marriages are not really interesting and something better should be available as a standard.

[@stregalilith]

We should arrange our institutions to reflect the equality we say we espouse. We need to put our money where our mouth is and pay caregivers according to the value we say they provide.

[@stregalilith]

We should also give them the respect they deserve and not just on Mother’s Day

[@allyd5395]

Some women like being wives and taking care of their families.

[@odabuu]

said no feminist ever

[@ahmedhasan5946]

Q

[@boomerthoreau]

That's great and all, but if your husband divorces you... How is a single housewife with no work experience going to survive in a capitalist society? I'd rather hire an 18 year old with minimum wage experience than a 40 year old that has never worked a day of her life. According to the statistics, your divorce will *more than likely* happen.

[@allyd5395]

boomerthoreau You make several assumptions. First, that a housewife has no experience or marketable skills. Most of the stay at home moms I know have bachelors degrees or higher and most worked full-time in their careers before becoming SAHM. Secondly, the rate of divorce is pretty high for all couples, including dual career couples so the "housewife" is no worse off. Third, this talk didn't say that women shouldn't be housewives, it said that they shouldn't be wives at all, which is ridiculous. I thought the goal of feminism was to give women choices? Why is being a wife---even a housewife---not a viable choice? Finally, like you said, it's a capitalist society. Even if there are people who would be reluctant to hire a housewife, there are plenty of other ways to earn a living, including independent businesses.

[@boomerthoreau]

Alison Nash 1. Getting your bachelor's degree will do nothing for you if you've been out of school for years without working. And even the ones who did work before will still be pretty much doomed; each year they spent at home is a year some other person worked and gained more credentials than you. The job market is getting tougher and tougher, and even three years (though most SAHMs do it MUCH longer) is enough to push you out of the runnings. 2. Yes, I know the rate of divorce is the same for dual income homes. But in a dual income home, the woman has an income and therefore will be able to support herself when the divorce happens. A housewife will not. 3. That's not what I'm even debating with you. 4. A housewife will not just be able to open a business. That's very unrealistic. Aside from that, there are no options. It's either run your own business, or *get hired.* Unfortunately, nobody will hire a woman with years of her work life wasted.

[@danf4447]

your husband is the owner of a major construction company , and he started it from scratch. its worth 10MM dollars. You cook and clean (probably your maid cooks and cleans) and pick up kids from school yet you can divorce and get half his business- yeah women have it really rough.

[@u3o813]

I'm just happy to be free and dancing through life as of now. Only fools rush in!

[@Diathon1]

As a married man I disagree with this. Marriage is un-evolved, but it's not out-of-date. Even though marriage hasn't changed, the people doing the marrying have. Just look at all the changes in relationships now even without marriage changing at all. I believe all the "problems" with marriage will be resolved if people keep thinking forward the way many of them are now. Perhaps put a little less emphasis on marriage and more on finding someone who truly loves you, and making sure you're both able to talk about things without fear or enmity.

[@jannar1719]

I agree 100%. Cancel marriage and think for yourself.

[@muthu413]

She utters every word from the depth of her understanding and research. She loves humanity and respects human feelings. She is absolutely right about what she says about marriage. People are conditioned by patriarchal social structure, values and ethics. It might be indigestible for the people who wants to remain loyal to their mother systems esp.if it’s very comfortable for them to remain without being disturbed . But think of humanity as a whole and then it is easy to understand what she says. It is very very hard to cut off our umbilical cord from the old systems. Marriage truly kills equality and so kills love too. It is truly partial. We are so lazy and tend to subscribe to default options and not thinking things out for ourselves. I support and appreciate her views because she represents my views. If people truly think for themselves honestly they would come to the same conclusions that she talks about. She is great!!! Thanks for your sharing!

[@noelartis7212]

I was married 26 years ago. I don't think that we thought too much about the politics of marriage at the time. In retrospect we probably wouldn't do it again having seen how the institution has been used to oppress people e.g. the marriage equality debacle in Australia. We have no kids, I do almost all the housework and my wife has always earned substantially more money than me. All of this can make you feel a little inadequate if you allow it to but we are still together and usually happy and I believe we would be even if we weren't bound by this outdated notion.

[@daakrolb]

Well you have done it wrong then, beta boy. Backwards and inside out really. The man is supposed to be earning the living.

[@noelartis7212]

@@daakrolb What's a beta boy? I'm assume I' m being insulted but I'm not sure.

[@redpepper74]

@@noelartis7212 it's a dominance thing. men are "supposed to" be dominant over their wives, so you should be the one working. probably just a sexist troll.

[@noelartis7212]

@@redpepper74 Thanks for the support, you're a legend.

[@koottoncandie]

i really wanna show this to my best friend who believes true love is only shown through marriage.. too bad she'd probably flip out if i did

[@scottkrafft6830]

Even though I like to think of myself as a conservative, I have an even more radical idea: I don't even think "true love" exists, at least not in today's society. People are awful these days - that much is a known fact lol. People will lie, cheat, and manipulate their way to the top, and they're going to do that by whatever means necessary. This is more common now than ever before! Absolutely no one can be trusted; how do you know the other person isn't waiting for the right moment to take advantage of you? You don't. The other person could literally ruin your life at any moment. Is that a risk that you're really willing to take? And so, the idea of "true love" was invented by people to make themselves feel a little bit better. The only people that really love you are your parents, but some people don't even have that! The only person that can truly make you happier is YOU. Is that such a radical statement to make? I don't think so, but apparently not many people agree with me. But I can tell my stance is becoming more and more common. People are realizing the truth.

[@gmajabparis]

I agreed with her 100%. All of us have either father's or men's last name. All of us, girls and women/female do NOT have our own last name that represent us as female. Why should we passed down on men's families name instead of our own families. Why should we use both father's last name hyphen men's last name. Hmm, think about this. Get rid of "marrivorced" and focus on two human beings who love each other and are committed to each other with respect equally... and children have thier own last name or just first and middle name... no father's or men's last name.. Girls and women are NOT men's properties... Its time to focus on love and respect.

[@Suane333]

Canadian here. Our Province of Quebec does NOT allow the women to changge her surname to the man's surname as their French Language Preservation laws want to preserve French surnames.

[@Paul-ih1pf]

Couldn't agree more with this talk. I for one hope to see equality for women in my lifetime, the status quo surrounding marriage is definiteley a barrier to equality in my opinion. The fact that women are brought up to believe that being oppressed by a man is normal is an absolute joke to me and greater still the fact that the way we teach women to do so is in a way that makes them believe it's not gender biased or oppressive. As a man I am very aware that I say this from a position of priviledge and power (especially in the western world) but I made the decision from a young age that I didn't agree with marriage for many of the reasons Merav spoke of and I intend to never marry.

[@jimmysmith6613]

Paul Courtney "As a man I am very aware that I say this from a position of priviledge and power". Are you saying that all men hold power and privilege in society? If you are so powerful then how come you don't have the edukashun to spell privilege correctly? Check the stats bro, males are the minority all the way around in America. Wait until you cross paths with a man-hater like this lady.

[@rathisuda]

jimmy smith f bomb BMG

[@KristenMiner3]

I think I'd rather have roommates, friends, and date or have a boyfriend. and not have kids!

[@szorohov85]

alot of parents die alone. go to anursing homes

[@brianstewart822]

Kristen Miner &=;j v

[@guldukat6749]

18 year old girls who think partying and travelling will make them happy will be end up miserable in their 30s. Leave them to their fate. We're better off without their offspring.

[@JC-XL]

I.e. she wants to remove herself from the gene pool

[@Team7_Ninjutsu]

I like the way you think

[@RockinSim]

In portuguese the woman remains woman and the man becomes husband.

[@sheilarotstein2238]

in Portuguese wife is espousa

[@scarlettcosta4106]

I believe you refer to marido(husband) e mulher (woman/wife), in that sense seems the woman owns the man rsrs

[@dreamingflurry2729]

:D - and in spanish wives - esposas - also means handcuffs :) So yeah, woman kind of hold all the cards in marriage, that is why I am never going to enter one (no, not even with a prenup!)

[@DanaKot336]

In israel (from where merav michaeli comes from) - it is also husband and woman

[@healkids]

@@DanaKot336 Noy true ist OWNER and woman (Baal ve Isha)

[@CallowayPastorRN]

Merav is very brave and speaks much truth! I am grateful for her courage and willingness to think "outside the box." Since 50% of all marriages fail, religious-based or not, we should take an honest look at marriage. Living in cooperatives is a great idea!

[@elkiness]

Excellent. I--in Israel--have just decided to vote (in our 4th election in 2 years!) for her--for the Labor party, which almost died--until she revived it.

[@arthasastra5075]

Vote for bibi

[@EmilyAndMichael]

Wow, this is really thought-provoking. Michaeli seems to have the vision and the energy to spark changing the world for the better. However, the two of us believe that we can come up right now with better concepts and don't have to wait many decades until governments would cancel marriage. Why should they, if there are no better alternatives known. The poly-community is comming up with a ton of alternative family concepts and it creates the data and the examples that show what works and what not. Maybe we should shed more light on that vibrant and creative community in order to find better answers.

[@sharonberry410]

She is absolutely right in all counts.

[@SoBadItsGoodwithRyanBailey]

The origins of marriage sound way different than the wedding my wife paid for and made me attend.

[@dominicberry5577]

"Women own 1% of the world's property" - absolute myth. Somebody quote the source please. The Queen of England owns more than that just on her own.

[@grazielak.1939]

Sadly the world is divided into two totally opposites, I do believe that the "1%" mighty be true on the eastern side in places like China, Indian and Middle East. HOWEVER, that is absolutely not true in the Western.

[@dominicberry5577]

graziela karasoulos Women own 1% of the world's property is one of the statistics feminists consistently quote without any valid source. You can find youtube videos just about that. There were a few others - women earn 69 cents on the man's dollar, 30% of women in hospital waiting areas are there because of domestic violence etc, which keep being repeated like a mantra, and which no-one can validate, because the sources are spurious and factually, they're completely wrong.

[@JazenValencia]

***** Most of what feminist spout is myths, propaganda, bad statistics, and nonsense.

[@TomClark999]

***** Queen of the United Kingdom.*

[@dominicberry5577]

TomClark999 It won't be united for much longer. Scotland wants out and despite the decision last year, the support for devolution is greater than ever. Record numbers of Scottish MPs in parliament.

[@masterartist1025]

Merav Michaeli, run for office, I will vote for you to be the next president of the USA !!!

[@lvteachme973]

Yes!

[@sganot]

She did run for office. She is a legislator in the Israeli parliament, the Knesset.

[@masterartist1025]

This is by far the SMARTEST woman I never met. I learned so much, I should have seen this 34 years ago. I am canceling my marriage. Thank You!

[@masterartist1025]

***** NOT as ugly as people who hide their face by using a picture like you have, here.

[@masterartist1025]

***** Get a life and leave me alone, MRFR!

[@masterartist1025]

***** You obviously are in love with me, but I am NOT interested in you.

[@Runner50783]

+Elgeta Witt I hope you don't have childs.

[@masterartist1025]

Abraham Saenz Our children are all grown up and moved out on their own. Thank God.

[@ylvachasingbutterflies2020]

They don't say "man and wife", they say "husband and wife"...

[@bri981bj]

I love her!!! She's so evolved and confident. I agree 100%.

[@DoctorWhy777]

Marriage is a legally binding contractual agreement between (no more than) two people, the government, a $500 dollar registration fee, 7-21 days to process and two witnesses. Marriage should be about love, communication, understanding and devotion to our partner(s) but its not its just about asset management, control and money. So I must say Cancel Marriage as well.

[@Catawhorl]

Wow finally someone saying what I have been saying for the past 15yrs LOL., its about time.

[@aaronbono4688]

It is people's attitudes and lack of respect for each other regardless of sex, sexual orientation, religion, race, etc. that need to change. Yes, the definition of marriage needs to be updated for the times and the denigrating and out of date wording needs to change. But "canceling marriage" does NOT fix the problems. I found her sarcastic / snarky "but you're not like that" implications that EVERY man is a misogynistic jerk insulting (and by the sounds of it the crowd did too). And her assumption seems to be that women work full time jobs AND do all the 5 weeks a year of housework and men never do anything around the house. There are a large number of married couples where only one spouse works and it isn't always the woman that stays at home to do the house work. And there are plenty of homes where the man shares the chores around the house (like at my home). I do acknowledge that there are plenty of men that do treat women like second class citizens if not worse. But there are benefits to marriage. Without marriage, who would raise the children? That would probably fall upon the women (quite unfairly) as the man would be free to move on to his next conquest even before the child is born. Without marriage, what would the stay at home spouse raising the children do if their significant other decided to leave (this applies to stay at home dads as well as same sex couples)? Yes this happens with divorce but divorce gives some security and recompense if the marriage dissolves. Without marriage, what would the other do in the event of a death or medical emergency? They would have no legal rights to inheritance, to making medical care decisions or other decisions only extended to the family. Yea there are problems but it isn't marriage that is the issue. Marriage provides a legal framework to protect both parties. And with divorce being a viable option, it is no longer the shackle or ownership that it once was. Don't convict us (men) for the sins of our great-great-grandfathers. Perhaps her views are tainted by her repressive cultural surroundings? That is all I can surmise. I guess it is much worse in some countries like in the Middle East where this talk was given.

[@surefootprints3484]

Exactly. I agree with you 💯 Every institution that can be corrupted has already been corrupted. Does it mean that all those institutions must be cancelled? No. We just update how they are run, and The institutions function better.

[@EdiSaFukeratMo]

She said No to marriage, instead she wants to find a new and different way of contract/agreement between parties involve, in which the terms would be more equal in responsibilities and opportunities. Hmmmm...other peoples defenses are up again without comprehending what she said!!!!! (and Yes I am talking about you!)

[@mrgees100peas]

So you mean something that is kind of like a marriage,.looks.likr.a.marriage and behaves like a marriage but has a different name?

[@psusac]

Her description of marriage is from one culture at one period in human history. Her analysis is a nice narrative to pursue her political agenda (which is fine), but it ignores MANY other reasons why marriage exists.

[@lvteachme973]

As I matured, I understood those who said that they didn't need a license to love and commit to someone. Marriage license is man made, it's not even of God. Initially, marriage was defined by the commit. If a person-usually the man-walked away from the home, the marriage ended. So, the idea that someone can be married and not sharing a home, their daily lives, etc doesn't even make sense. A marriage should dissolve once one person no longer want the marriage or if one person leaves the home and establish homestead elsewhere.

[@maaikekruseman8216]

The most intelligent thing I ever heard on marriage.

[@ernaniseddon5384]

As a man I agree totally with her. Marriage imposes lack of freedom and to be oneself . We change as we grow up intellectually and emotionally and as human being, marriage sometimes can be a barrier for us to continue to develop as human being. That apply for men and women

[@rickrobison5114]

Traditional marriage is THE original human institution. It's almost as old as Mother Nature, so do we really want to mess with what's worked so well for millennia? Obviously it's not perfect, but nothing else from the beginning of time has worked so well. Its deficiencies are not in the institution, but in us very HUMAN and imperfect men and women who struggle to make it work. Merav Michaeli is to be applauded for her courage to stand up and make such outlandish statements, straight-faced. That takes courage. But first how about showing us, through historical example, of a system that would be better than traditional, hopefully religiously grounded and supported, marriage. If it ain't broke....

[@Thvndar]

Marriage has very specific evolutionary functions. The brain chemistry of married people are different, Men are less likely to abandon their children if they're married to their mother. Not to mention the fact that children raised by married parents fare better economically. A lot of the arguments that she touched on are sociological/economic ones that have causes that go way beyond the realm of marriage. A single mother is going to do roughly the same amount of housework (if not more) than a married one, so can we really blame the institution for that???

[@Yasumi_Hoshikawa]

So what are alternative solutions to this obsolete default, then? We did alter the institution so much that only titles remain the same anyway. All the cons she mentions (child-rearing, husband's last name, wedding, rings, etc) are purely optional in most countries. And other legalities are almost entirely up to the couple, like you could write up your own legal contract with your own rules and agreements, cosign it and call it a marriage. Isn't that basically how we replace the default marriage? The etymology was interesting and she sounds great but I wish she could've ended with more practical suggestions.

[@holliehilton3224]

I’m the only person I know who thinks marriage is weird and unnecessary. Relationships have brought me nothing but pain and abuse. I don’t get how the social “standard” is to be owned by someone.

[@anarchisttutor7423]

She needs to debate Karen Straughn. The sexes were both mistreated, in different ways, in my opinion.

[@yogi2436]

this is the best TED talk of all I have heard, Merav, you are very special

[@carolinaindian]

Eliminate Alimony, Child Support, Divorce Options, TAX benefits in our society and the concept of Marriage will end by itself!

[@sholemhur]

Unlike Michaeli, I do not profess to have the recipe to a perfect relationship. Marriage works for MANY people and will continue doing so. The etymology of words and history of certain institutions or practises all mean nothing when those words and institutions have taken on entirely new significances. "Citizenship" has its roots in Ancient Greece and Sparta where citizens were above slaves. Slavery is bad, so we should all renounce citizenship of any type because the root of the concept and word lies in something bad? Merav Michaeli - grow up! Why aren't you just happy with whatever life you have chosen without trying to convince others how much better you are?

[@yosefwaysman]

She's against institutionalizing romantic relationships. That would, in fact, achieve equality, and other benefits as well.

[@michaelt5017]

Great talk, I totally agree with everything she said! 👍

[@oldnews4160]

From the words of Chris McCandless, "Happiness is only real when shared."

[@nanoubix]

yes! Let's start with sharing the housework, child care and the shopping list, and we'll be so much happier together :)

[@danielbtwd]

Marriage is about property which is underwritten by religion. It serves the ruling class. Firstly we are educated to have the emotional capacity of a toddler. Then we create a system that supports the emotional confusion. The irony lies in the fact that in some of the most masogenistic societies women are found to be amongst it's most ardent supporters. Fine line between love and fear.

[@LoveNLIL]

Great! I will vote for that. Marriage only as a symbolic act, no legal/financial/logistical ties to be posed by governments.

[@Dodgeballmike26]

Legal marriage is technically unconstitutional anyway as it's a pagan tradition. But I agree.

[@squallgreg]

I agree, I would cancel my marriage if she was my wife.

[@rubyredmountains2328]

Why don’t you like her

[@KEPHALLE]

This woman represents all the wrong aspects of feminism, so much the title of this presentation is totally misleading. The topic is presented with much bias and quite a number incorrect notions. Humanity will only grow on higher consciouness through onesty, and this presentation is far from being onest: women need the same rights as men, i repeat: THE SAME RIGHTS, and those rights need to be according to nature. No more woman rights compared to man's, but human rights for all. Otherwise strife, unhappiness and bitterness will live on eroding what's left of civilization.

[@cathy440041]

Wonderful speech!! I'm never getting married!! Matters of fact I'm canceling out dating and I don't want friends with benefits(SEX) either. I'm happy being a WSS (women staying single) member.

[@daakrolb]

Oh yeah. You "love being single." Mmm-hmm.

[@adityamakwana612]

you asexual?

[@auxtas]

She thought that men care about being in charge in their families? They know that’s a burden and they carry it with love. Why is it that when a woman feels she is independent she all of a sudden sees marriage as a burden? But when a man has all he wants, he loves to have a family and share his hard works and love with his family. I think we shouldn’t cancel marriage rather we should turn it. Women should marry men and take the responsibilities men have been taking. Let’s then see how marriage will naturally disappear within few years.

[@DarkLight-sz1vp]

Nah we’ll just get a repeating cycle of only one gender benefiting from marriage, let’s just erase the whole thing because the government doesn’t need to regulate your relationship.

[@DraLReyes]

I wouldn't say cancel marriage, I would say to adjust it to the modern days. She admitted that marriage is actually good for society, it keeps us organized. I live in a country where there are so many people living together indefinitely and not married that "free union" became a civil status because of all of the problems that these families bring in terms of child support and properties.

[@AquarianAngel]

No, it needs to be abolished.

[@stregalilith]

There should be more options than either marriage with an unfair division of labor and compensation or free arrangements where people can leave their children without resources. The labor inside and outside the home should be evenly divided including caregiving and the home should belong to the children so that if either parent strays the children will have stability

[@randallwalker141]

I am unfortunately celebrating about 7 years of celibacy. I've been married 41 years. Marriage is a one-sided legal contract that is limited in opportunities for love, happiness, intimacy, companionship whenever marriage fails to meet longheld expectations . The bible says a man must have one wife only if he serves as a deacon. Who wants to be a deacon anyway?

[@cindyhalpern3187]

Can't we decide for ourselves? Maybe it isn't for everyone. But I know many happily married couples, in which the woman works and the man helps. My former husband really helped me with our daughter. He made a big difference . It is a value system for some. One person saying to cancell marriage is not right. Let everyone else decide for themselves!

[@kwazooplayingguardsman5615]

former husband? you divorced him?

[@Suane333]

We need to totally revise laws that determine citizenship, benefits, custody, etc based on in/out of wedlock status of the child.

[@deshanisenanayake759]

The Best speech I ever heard about reality of marriage ! This woman is a real Queen.

[@bobdobb1088]

When a society has a lapse in marriages, resulting in single parent households, the results are catastrophic. Delinquency, including reduced educational achievement and increase in violent crime are the result. Look up Patrick Moynihan's summation of his own 1965 report, as well as Moynihan's summation of Coleman's 1967 findings in the Coleman Report. Marriage is an institution made for children.

[@armoda1057]

should i get paid to turn my house lights off? should i get paid by the government to keep my room clean? should i get paid to mow my own lawn? how can some of you people think this is even remotely reasonable

[@koottoncandie]

you're thinking too simply. it goes deeper than that

[@iAmTheSquidThing]

Marriage may have had some sinister implications at various points in history. But it's still a fundamentally sensible idea to make a public statement promising that you intend to maintain a relationship for the rest of your life.

[@danni2663]

When you're older maybe. But not to have children. Women can do it on their own.

[@philipcallado5693]

Actions speak louder than words.its one thing to make a big public statement saying you’re going to love and cherish someone, but it’s another to actually do it.

[@niamhha9014]

@Danni Men and women should take equal responsibility for their children. There’s plenty of great single parents, but they shouldn’t have to do all the work themselves.

[@benstandard]

if one wants to make it official that they're in a relationship with someone else that's on them but the government shouldn't be involved in it.

[@AquarianAngel]

Marriage is not even close to being a fundamentally sensible idea. It's the complete opposite in fact. Burn it with fire.

[@davidgooley8940]

While I understand the perspective of the speaker, marriage is not the problem. It is selfishness and self-centeredness in people that cause problems in marriage. Marriage is designed to transform an individual into a member of a group whose purpose is to meet the needs of others of that group. When a man fails to transition into a husband and/or a woman fails to transition into a wife, that is when that marriage will lead to failure. To cancel out marriage is to promote fornication, which has many consequences attached to it. Since marriage has a natural understanding of commitment involved, a sexual relationship without the commitment is really a FWB situation, and when one no longer desires to remain, then the arrangement is dissolved. This is not a solution, but rather an excuse to remain uncommitted and accountable to another.

[@lucfrensh2143]

Some of her points are interesting, some are clearly laced with bitterness and dubious quotes and research, At the start she can't even quote the NAME of an author like SImone De Beauvoir properly... She needs to read up a bit, but some of her points are good. Just not all of them.

[@yw6502]

Luc Frensh says a man....🙄

[@talkhtw55]

+Yvie The Queen Great ad-hominem moron

[@IrinNovy]

She definitely has a point and she is right in a lot of things but at the same time she talks only about negative sides of marriage. She talks about the origin (and English words. What about other countries? The same words don't mean the same things abroad) and history. But now it's different in european countries and US\Canada. Women and men have the same rights, they do share household, women do not belong to men, they are free. Of course it's different in a lot of countries but they will change too, I'm pretty sure, just give it time. Also let's not forget that women and men do have different roles in life. Women are here to give birth, men are here to protect and hunt. That's what we are, that's how our bodies work, our minds, emotions.. We ARE different. But one is not worse that the other. Also children are born from a man and a woman. Not from 2 men or three women despite our desires (and her words about the agreements no matter how many people there are or what gender we are). So I agree that we should change things but I think that the key is respect and understanding of our roles in life (it doesn't mean that women have to give birth every year but they do have their periods every month, it's phisiology, it's what is given by nature). So I would be very careful with all the mix up with gay\straight\bi love. We all should have rights to choose but we can't forget about the concept of a family - a child always has a dad and a mom no matter what institutes we have.

[@djjamad1416]

Marriage is a business. People marry for selfish reasons. Love is a law of vibration and Unconditional love is greater than conditional love. This is why trust is broken so easily when someone breaks the terms of the contractual agreement. What a messed up system

[@Fournier46]

Many matrilineal cultures once handled (or still do today) child-rearing in ways that we're better not only for the children and their mothers but also for the father's in my opinion. Knowing that one you can rely on extended family or even village institutions to help teach and support our child's growth seems to have created a freedom both nourishing for parents and children alike.

[@spybubbble]

I don't think we should do away with marriage. I think we should do away with the benefits that the government provides to married couples only. Marriage is a choice, and it's not okay for the government to pretty much favor married couples over unmarried couples. - Giving tax breaks to married couples. - A spouse of a US citizen having a higher chance of getting papers. Just to name a couple. I think it should just be a choice, being able to have the same benefits married or unmarried. Because I understand that there are people who are religious and want to marry before their deity. But for the ones who don't, they shouldn't feel pressured. And, I'm saying this as a married person. I wish that when my husband was having trouble with his papers, we could've shown the government that we are with each other for love. I always knew that I wanted to be with him the rest of my life, but I didn't want to sign a contract. I wanted it to be on our terms, not the governments'.

[@bdwoody]

so she is actually wrong about marriage being bad for children. Statistically, children are most likely to be molested and abused in situations where the "father" is not the biological father and even more likely to be abused if their mother is not married to the man that she is living with. Children in a two parent household also score higher on standardized tests, have lower rates of mental illness, higher rates of both high school and college graduation, and less trouble forming lasting interpersonal relationships (romantic and platonic). In two parent (married) households, boys are less likely to be diagnosed with adhd and girls are less likely to be diagnosed with anxiety and be overly dependent on men later in life and both sexes are significantly less likely to be diagnosed with depression. So if someone says marriage is bad for children, then they really need to pay attention to the statistics that prove otherwise.

[@alemonatigaming2799]

They don’t care. Their goal isn’t to be true.

[@grzegorzwielgus966]

Merav Michaeli: do you still believe in that? it is 6 year later... I wonder how your experience has influenced your way of thinking.