Caring for Babies and Children Who Die

[@PattyFinn2011]

I had lost twins at 8 months. It broke my heart. The funeral home my family dealt with for my family members, they offered me a free service. I was grateful. The cemetary also helped absorbed my cost. So my twins are buried across from my parents. It is nice to know my parents are watching over my twins. A year later I gave birth to a 13 pound baby girl. She made up for my twins.

[@AfallinAngel]

Im so sorry for your loss 😥 But so happy for your baby girl ❤ My daughter was 9.5 and I thought that was big! How old is she now? My daughter is 13 and skinny minnie. My son was 7 pounds hes 11 now and has a belly lol

[@marymcmaster9189]

She arrived half grown. Congrats

[@kimberlytaylor5544]

Wow.. what a precious gift you were giving to help you carry on

[@wandamassengale7654]

I am so sorry.

[@micheleberara2842]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I, as a Mother can't imagine that kind of pain 💔 I am so happy that your parents are watching over your beautiful babies. I am happy that you were blessed with a beautiful daughter 💕

[@HKaasWorship]

My baby Elijah was a fetal death, I was about halfway through the pregnancy. A local funeral home offered me a free burial. We had the money, but they said it wasn't about money but about emotional support. It was an experience that helped me be able to process what had happened and gave me closure. It also gave me a special place where we could go visit him (we paid to add his name on the headstone/marker).

[@geordielassie1]

Heather Kaas omg I'm so sorry for your loss but what an amazing thing for them to do xx

[@raegenemitchell2677]

I am so very sorry about your loss... bless your heart.

[@Christian_Girl120]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. It's good you had a caring funeral home to work with you.❤❤❤

[@audreyabdo7719]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@willkiser7614]

Im so sorry for your loss Heather.

[@debbieburton938]

My daughter raynor died in the delivery room after 12 minutes .. They were amazing from the undertaker to the church.. Even the people that did her headstone were just the best.. They gave us a free Teddy bear engraving on it.. The vicar at the church stayed in touch for a long time to make sure we were OK.. 2 years later I almost went through it all again my son was given a 10% chance of survival but thankfully he's 20 now

[@hah1627]

Such a tough subject. I worked in Labor and Delivery years ago and cared for many women who had a fetal demise or stillbirth at a later gestation. I encouraged the parents to hold their baby and wrapped them in a warmed blanket and cap. It is a priceless moment of connection that no parent ever regretted. I'm so glad someone with your warmth and compassion can be there for the parents.

[@alecblue4736]

.

[@kirkb2286]

hah1627 I had a family member that carried a child to full term however when the baby was born he had numerous health issues and passed away just a few days after birth. The mother was NOT given the chance to hold the baby at all. It is an opportunity that is worth its weight in gold so to speak. Despite the fact that my sister ( a funeral director) urged the mother to do so. It has been over 30 years since the child passed away and the mother still has regrets not having had the opportunity to bond with her baby. I know it’s a very personal decision that should be made by the parents. I mention this story for one reason if you are a parent and want to hold and bond with your baby you should be given the chance to do so and not be stopped by anyone. I speak blessings to all parents during this very difficult time.

[@spiritmatter1553]

"wrapped them in a warmed blanket and cap" - that little touch so speaks to your humanity. For the parents' last and perhaps only moments holding their child, holding a little body that’s still and _cold_ would be an unspeakably hard blow of cruel reality. God really did put you in that place at that time for a reason!

[@marymcmaster9189]

I had an anencephalic stillbirth. Tough

[@ruleenkoons9291]

I did birth certificates, and it was so hard to have to do my job gathering information from grieving parents, yet I hurt for them.

[@lydiagiampetro3063]

My niece passed from stool in the lungs at birth. They tried so hard to suction it out but they blew her lungs full of holes. My sister never had a chance to hold her. It wreaked her for years and hit her really hard when she had her 1st living child. This was 1983, at the funeral home they kept her in her seat because they did not want her to even think about picking her up. At 12, I escorted her up there and told her to hold me while I held my niece's hand. Thank you for thinking of these parents and their last moments and memories.

[@KaritheMortician]

Such a sad situation!!

[@kathycuster8219]

When my grandson was born still, the hospital let me as the grandmother, hold him and kiss him and rock him and talk to him and to tell him how much he was loved and wanted. It was very comforting for me to be able to do that. There was a group that provided cremation for him. My son and his wife have his ashes with them.

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you for sharing!

[@marisawoods]

Bless your heart.

[@debbiescott6884]

I hope and pray that the person that took care of my son after he died has a caring heart exactly like yours.

[@KaritheMortician]

Awww thank you!

[@toys.3403]

My nephew (sister's first child), died at 9 months in 1999. At his viewing, I asked if I could hold him and I was told no by the funeral director. My sister was okay with me holding him though. So THANK YOU for making that an option for families. I don't have children, but if I did, and one of them went to heaven as a baby, i would hold them regardless of what they say.

[@marisawoods]

I would, too. I couldn't 'not' hold them. Bless your heart.

[@catb1753]

Dajwtjd

[@ajcomics2590]

I wasn't allowed to hold my son. I was allowed to touch him, but not pick him up. I still see him in the coffin. I so wish we had a funeral director like you. We felt like he was being cared by calus people who didn't really care about him.

[@julieunick9452]

I realize this was many, many years ago, but my parents used to work in a funeral home. Not as directors. My mother always told me that, with babies, they had to be careful, letting the family hold them after embalming because they could “leak”. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@gw5033]

As a paramedic we also have to maintain a mindset of, this is not my emergency, it is someone else's. We couldn't do our job otherwise. You and I are not without compassion, but we do need a disconnect to do our jobs at times. We are human and vulnerable and are there in times of need. Thanks for the video, it was very informative from your aspect.

[@gw5033]

I'll just add this, we have done SIDs calls where we are able to declare death without resuscitation attempts. We than become caregivers to the parents in which we have no training in grief management. This applies to all on scene declared death regardless of age, you still have patients, the family. "Sorry Ma'am, your husband is gone and there is nothing we can do for him. Sorry I'm not trained in how to deal with this, but tell you what, I can give you a hug."

[@kathy3269]

Thank you for what you do too Gregory. I can't even imagine...

[@transformingthebear238]

You guys have a huge weight to carry already. I couldn't imagine carrying the weight of everyone else's tragedies with those.

[@perezsage6366]

I work in the medical field as well. I always think of it kind of like a light switch. People say "how can you wash a dead body and put a gown on it" (this is for non ME cases where the family would like some time with their loved one before the mortuary picks them up) but my answer is always that it's an honor for me to do that. To give that person their last bit of decency as I'm sure you know sometimes people have soiled themselves or vomited or there's blood. I think it also helps the family to see their loved one not hooked up to machines as well. Just like the 2 of you, in difficult situations I have learned that there's a switch that I have to turn off at times and that's not to say you should be cold, but just able to handle the situation professionally.

[@ajplays7241]

i also had two baby cousins who passed one with sids and the other one with still birth so what im starting to do is instead of grieving just light a candle in their memory and i do this with each loved one i lost but i dont think i lost them i just tell myself their living on in heaven for me because im christian so i like to think their spirits ascended.

[@larrysmith647]

Kari---Grieving families are VERY FORTUNATE to have YOU there, to comfort, and console them, at such a time as this !!

[@annettalogan8396]

You are a Blessing! God bless you! I always watch you. God bless you, that you are answering these questions.

[@annettalogan8396]

Yes you have to keep your head. Total peace.

[@annettalogan8396]

Yes it's a total mind set.

[@teresavogt5977]

As a EMT when I lost someone I allowed myself to mourn their passing even cry as I gave after care until they were turned over. I don't sob but allow the tears and say a silent prayer..

[@moonchildluvsbobcrane]

Times have changed. My mom lost twin boys at 5 months gestation in the 70s and wasn't allowed to see them because they thought it would cause a mental breakdown. I thought that was so cruel when I heard that. I am glad thats no longer the case.

[@KaritheMortician]

That is very sad :(

[@jimoneill4879]

Kari, I really mean this; you are a very insightful, compassionate and caring person. Society is sincerely lucky that you and people like you are out there. I was a paramedic for many years and found myself in many situations where a child or infant had lost their life. I know that sadness you feel as a person for this type of loss but also understand that “professional detachment” you have to maintain, or you will burn out in no time. I saw burnout happen many times, resulting in the loss of an exceptional caregiver. Anyway, you have such grace discussing death, which is a true talent and I am a better person by seeing your video’s. Happy New Year!!

[@carolinescholes3937]

My first Gand daughter died at just four days old with sepsis and it was and still is after 11yrs the most difficult thing we have had to deal to deal with. I lost my husband very suddenly and this for me was a different grief to deal with, I wish you had been with me at both these deaths Watching your videos you come across so caring so understanding and gentle. You show so much empathy to your clients which is lovely to know for the family who have lost a loved one.

[@sudsblueii]

Thank you for being kind to people who are suspected of the death. I lost my son, my sixth child from SIDS, but until the autopsy report came back, I was treated horribly during the worst time of my life. I never got to hold him again, but that would have been great to say goodbye. I was never apologized to after all was said and done, detectives, the priest, and some workers at funeral home not all treated me like a monster, I loved my son with all my heart n still do.

[@feegee4671]

Joni Campbell bless you. Thinking of you and your family. My brother in laws in funeral business so I've a little insight, and I agree that the death should be looked into in sids cases, but there's such a thing as innocent until PROVEN guilty. Parents in that situation should be treated with compassion and caring not as monsters (at least until guilt is proven). I hope you can move on after the tragic way your circumstances were dealt with.

[@mariabass978]

Joni Campbell so sry, for your loss 😢

[@chakiramorgan4493]

Omg. Joni my daughter died of SIDS and I was treated the exact same way until the autopsy returned. I hate that entire town.

[@chakiramorgan4493]

+Kari Northey Kari I never expected you to respond. It means so much. Thank you so much!

[@loriadams1588]

Joni Campbell I am very sorry for how you were treated, and most of all for the loss of your son.😓💜

[@aaron4tez]

I totally respect your honesty and integrity on such a tough topic. Well said.

[@ladilyfe6981]

I had a 38 week stillbirth in 2015 with my only daughter. I had her autopsy done and asked to see her before cremation and the funeral home didn't even clean her up there was blood on her outfit. I wish they presented her better so my last time seeing her was more peaceful. I wish I could have rocked her 😢

[@gpants3633]

Kristi Tonge Bless your heart. I also had a bad experience with a funeral parlor for my 5 year old daughter. I actually gasped out loud and cried what did you do to her!! The director ran out of the room saying thats why he didn’t like doing children. It haunted me for a long time. I’m so sorry Kristi, that you had to see that.

[@dovie127]

That’s so sad! They don’t belong in this type of work!😭

[@jackyandell2489]

So sorry for your loss...prayers for you and your precious baby....

[@NameOmitted]

I am so deeply sorry you were put in that position. Sending love.

[@melissamiller5972]

Ladi Lyfe I had gone into labor at 20 weeks. They told me there was nothing they could do. My husband did not stay with me. He left me at the hospital to get back to our other son because everyone was sleeping when it happened. I remember him telling me to not hold him because I would be to emotional. I beat myself up each and every day that I didn't hold him. My other son was 9months old and my husband had gone through a year of chemo with 6 more months to go. I try and tell myself that we were going through a lot. I had confronted my husband about him telling me not to hold him. He later told me he didn't want the image of him if he was deformed stuck in my head. He also told me how upset he was that he wasn't with me. I wish I held him. I hope he knows I love him. I celebrate his birthday every year. I'm so sorry you had a horrible experience. I can't wait til we can see our babies again.

[@taunyasaner1183]

I have absolutely found your videos to be done with such compassion and caring. Being an EMT for almost 20 years and also working in Obstetrics, I have never found a way to "flip that switch." Maybe for me, I don't get a body to prepare for the family after several hours or sometimes days most of the time. I am faced with the death right then and there and trying to resuscitate a child/baby with parents screaming is very hard. The suicide rate for EMTs and Firefighters had become a very alarming topic in the last few years. I have a lot of respect for your work as I know it is something I could never do. But for me personally, I don't think either of us have an easy profession.

[@kim1416]

Tauna Saner, I am also an EMT and have been in the medical field for 25 years. I don't have that switch either!!! What I do have is the knowledge, that even with our toughest and most heartbreaking cases/calls, my colleagues/partners and I did the very best we could do and tried our hardest to save someone. Despite our best efforts, when it's someone's time to go, it's their time to go. I believe there are worse things than death and sometimes death is actually a blessing. Sometimes I actually feel guilty for "saving" someone. After someone suffers a traumatic injury, severe TBI, stroke or major MI, did we or the Drs really do them any favors by intervening as aggressively as we do, or did we just condemn this person, no matter their age, to a "life" of severe irreversible brain damage, being on a vent, tube fed, 24 hr care? I'm a firm believer in quality of life. So yeah, there are worse things than death and sometimes death is actually a blessing. Didn't mean to get so deep but, anyone who works in the medical or funeral fields has to be able to disassociate themselves from what we see and do every day. I know, it's easier said than done.... I do it, no matter the patients outcome, by knowing that I did the best I could do and I treated them with dignity and respect.

[@debihalsey2247]

Thank you for the patients you have helped. You don't have any easy job. Patients rarely get a chance to tell you thank you.

[@aidamarquez4166]

This is something that I was always wondering how the process goes my baby was 3 months old when he passed but I didn't have a good experience with the funeral home. I was very young and couldn't figure out why this was happening. So I appreciate everything you do.

[@KaritheMortician]

You are so welcome. Ask any questions you have please.

[@kayfitzgerald309]

@@KaritheMortician my beautiful daughter Holly was 13,and passed from pulmonary hypertension, no autopsy, her funeral was 5 days later,I watched one of your videos earlier where you were talking about the skin turning black, I'm so thankful hers did not! In fact, I kept rubbing the inside of her right arm,at the bend of her elbow and her skin was feeling like it was coming back to feeling like,alive! Not embalmed!! Any thoughts! I just believe it's because GOD healed her in HIS WAY!!! P.S. I always figured they cut her dress the way they brought her up so quickly after I had brought it to the funeral home! Kari the Mortician! Thank you, I didn't think I could watch this one,even though it's been 27 yrs,it's still hard! Thank you, and GOD BLESS YOU 💜💜💜

[@kayfitzgerald309]

P.s.i lost my 5 hour newborn Crystal, but donated her body to university

[@stephaniespires9317]

Dear Kari, I lost my son almost 11 years ago, he was murdered by his girlfriend, I had him cremated so that he would be with me at all times. Your videos have truly inspired me to learn more about the cremation process. Thank you for sharing your videos. Sincerely Broken hearted mama

[@teresagary7158]

Your job is a ministry within itself, and I thank God for ppl like yourself serving in this ministry. At one time I wanted to do this particular ministry, but as I considered, before God, children and the abusive ways they die, I fully understood that this was and still is an anointing that I do NOT have! I realized it would cost me prison time, so with my heart in my hands, I thanked God for the mindset, and I bowed out very humbly and submissive. Again, thank you and your co workers for all you do!!!

[@jacksak]

Kari Northey: You are one very fine person and have helped so many on KZbin as well as through your outside business. Thank you.

[@markrocovich2234]

I worked for my uncle when i was in my teens at his FH..I went on 1st calls, handled ordering of supplies,and was available when services took place..The one thing I could Not handle was when we had to bury children..Having the child's friends and relatives in the viewing area and hearing the grief over the loss was just too much..Im a pretty strong person in that respect,but it still gets to me..

[@kathy3269]

The rocking chair is absolutely a beautiful touch. It's personal, loving, and optional. Such a great idea.

[@infonation9453]

I’m very grateful God called someone like you for this job, lost my son and daughter, this was more comforting,hope others in the business are as compassionate as you ,it really means a lot Thank you

[@popaholiccoco166]

You are the most compassionate, empathetic, kind, loving person I have ever seen! You are an amazing human being❤️

[@KaritheMortician]

Wow, thank you!

[@ShootingStar6406]

I'm not a parent but I work in a daycare and I cannot imagine the grief I would feel if one of my students passed. I was crying my eyes out when you were talking about giving families the chance to rock their babies. Thank you for caring for these families and their babies.

[@mcrchickenluvr]

I was a daycare worker for a couple of years. A couple of my students passed away. One while I was still working at the daycare and the other when she was in 1st grade. Both times it was horrible. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for the parents.

[@margueritemazzeo2904]

@@mcrchickenluvr I worked at a daycare in Florida..we had a young infant in there with the nicest parents..a year later I read in the newspaper that she had been murdered by her babysitter who smothered her with a pillow..it was surreal..😭💔💐🌹

[@cherylstigers949]

You are so right, in 1981 we lost our daughter who was 14 months , our hospital left my husband and I hold her, also my mom, sister. That was what we needed. When I look back on it, the worst day was her funeral!

[@KaritheMortician]

I can not imagine the pain

[@brianpartlow5530]

You are so strong! I have been to one baby wake. Wasn't my baby, but crushed me to see that little casket and 14 month old girl inside. You are not mean or cold for dealing with it the way you do. You have to shut down your emotions or you would go nuts! People go crazy mourning the loss of one person. You guys do this every day!

[@KaritheMortician]

Thanks so much!

[@myrajefferson3672]

I was considering Mortuary Science many years ago when I was a student at WSU. When I worked at the WSU bookstore, I read most of the mortuary textbooks. While attending a viewing, I came upon a child's casket. I immediately changed my mind and my major to education! I just couldn't handle it. I love your videos, you are so kind and compassionate. I appreciate the information that you share.

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you!

[@telquad1953]

I admire your courage and frankness, Kari. Thank you for making sense of grieving and funeral practice in such a professional manner.

[@LoveAuntieJan]

I worked in pathology and felt blessed that I was the last person to see/process theses P.O.C.’s (products of conception), and babies came in contact with...I said a blessing/prayer over each and every one! Even as I had to place them in a bio bag, I was honored to be the last one to handle/Bless each and every one! Having to explain to parents that some of the babies were not able to be seen in a presentable way, was hard...even if some insisted, I always had outfits the could cover certain parts that weren’t developed correctly, and I would do my best! It was a beautiful experience for me, and I feel truly honored to have that duty...as it wasn’t a JOB! I was placed in that position for a reason, and I thank God for that! ❤️

[@LoveAuntieJan]

Kari Northey As I said before, I was honored...I was placed in that position for a reason. Thank you for the kind words! Blessings 🙏

[@ShelbyLuuWho]

Jan Marino , Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for being the person that you are. I’ve lost 2 babies, our first at 8 weeks gestation, and our only daughter halfway through 2nd trimester. I wasn’t given the option to have my daughter cremated and returned to us, and my heart aches for her. I hope that someone like you was a guardian Angel to my sweet baby girl and my tiny baby.

[@carlaholley1960]

God bless you for your service

[@e.j.thomas9994]

You sound like a very special person.

[@user-od1fm3hs9c]

That is truly lovely. It warms my heart to know that you would do this. Thank you. ❤

[@TheSadler333]

Kari, you are such a caring and kind person. It takes a very special person to be a great funeral director.

[@LibbyLibbyBrooks]

My daughter was stillborn at 37 weeks. I always asked what happened to her step by step. I just wanted more than anything for her to be treated as a real human being and I have to say you put an angelic reasoning to this. That is comforting. I don't know if it's because you explain it so well, you explain your handling of our deceased loved ones, or your female emotion. I just remember the funeral home taking such good care of my daughter Haley. Even putting a diaper on her and her blanket and I just appreciate everybody taking care of her like a baby not just a lost pregnancy. Thank you for what you do it really is a tankless business sometimes. At the end of the day sometimes because the families walk away still grieving and for me there so many bad memories at their funeral home. Everything was good I was just angry I had to be there. Angry I had to pick out a casket wondering why it cost so much to bury something so tiny ect... and not in her Nursery Ray should have been after birth. So I never went back to thank them. I just the card in the mail but I know you all are very appreciated. ♡Haleys Mommy.

[@jat6547]

Haley,is more alive than u know ,,,,,, she will never leave you....... She's in JESUS 's arms..... To b absent from the body,,,, is to b present with the lord..... Haley is beautiful !!! 🚼

[@mswitter1]

Kari, I have watched several of your videos and I think you are an amazing person.

[@denisekruse4386]

I recently got a job as a funeral assistant and was searching for help on how to handle the emotions of the job. Your videos are so helpful. Thank you! Your advice on telling yourself "This is not my loved one" and especially your video on babies and children made a big difference for me. It will help me to be able to do a good job for the families without getting emotionally caught up.

[@lelia660]

Kari, you have such a beautiful heart. Your words give me peace.

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you so much!

[@minknmunt]

I know exactly what you are saying. It's hard sometimes when you are quite so close to grief. My natural instinct is to cry along with them but I learned years ago to maintain a strong, professional attitude because the family needs that from me. They need to feel like someone is in control. Thank you for these videos. I share so much of your perspective but it's good to be reminded. It makes me remember why I do what I do.

[@KaritheMortician]

Thanks so much Randy!

[@kansascowboy507]

I myself work in a er as a ect emergency care technician and I can’t tell you how many patients I’ve had to bag myself or help bag them with others it never gets any easier but we as health care folks try to distance ourselves from stuff like that but it always sits in the back of your mind I’ve been doing it for about 5 years now I commend you kari for your work thank you.

[@KaritheMortician]

thank you for sharing

[@wherethereisfaith]

Kari, you are an amazing person. We need caring folks in these professions because its such a dark day for a family who has lost a child.

[@kayytiemarriee153]

I lost a child, at birth. He’s gone but never forgotten. It was many many years ago, but the pain is still very much there. I was young with no other children. We lived in a very small town. My now husbands mother, had dated and knew the funeral director well. He ended up providing the casket. At that point, cost wasn’t even on my mind. But years later, I appreciate what he did for us. I regret the fact, the only time I had with him was in the hospital. We did get to bring him blankets we had bought for him, and clothing to burry him in. We wrote notes to place in his casket. The man, never provided or mentioned time with our son, we did not have a funeral. We only had a burial service. For future reference, I hope and pray I never have to go through this again- but if I have to make choices for a loved one who’s passed, or be a part in any process I am educated. I know a lot more options that my family and I would have. This is such a hard thing to look back on, and I wish that I had knew my options at the time. I would do a LOT differently. Thank you, for ALL of your videos. P.S I do now have a beautiful, healthy 4 year old. :)

[@rebeccafritchie4521]

Being a pediatric nurse I think I can kind of relate. I am finishing my first year on nursing this winter and it’s been very hard. I just recently had my first patient death and it took a huge toll on me. It’s not always just death though. Sometimes it’s just as hard to see how the kids are living and suffering after traumatic events knowing they’ll never get better and live incapacitated for their entire life. It was nice to hear this from you, I think I needed it after the past couple months at work.

[@Lorrainecats]

Yes, she makes so many excellent points.

[@heatherkmetz6136]

This kind of job has to be one of the hardest jobs a person could ever have. It is definitely not for the faint of heart. You have to be able to put yourself into a certain mind set when dealing with death and grieving families. All persons should be treated with kindness, caring and compassion as they journey on into the next world.

[@kayytiemarriee153]

Yes, but she’s rocking it! It also has to be rewarding just knowing that you are giving families final touches, and doing so in such a loving caring manner. P.S I went down the rabbit hole.

[@joanstump5035]

I was also a Labor and Delivery nurse who lost a baby at 35 weeks. I feel very fortunate that , even 43 years ago, we were one of the first hospitals in our area to let moms (and family) hold their babies and also my nurse took several pictures for me- they are treasures that mean so much.

[@tina8796]

Kari ! when I see where children have been murdered by their families, I, too, think the same thing. They're better off to be out of that situation and resting safely in Heaven. Absolutely better than living in a mess with neglect / abuse

[@californiasapphire-childad5238]

I just recently discovered your channel & felt the need to praise your professionalism. I completely understand that your dealing with people during some of the lowest points but the reminder that it’s not your loss I think is an amazing tool .

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you so much!!

[@fredfrench7614]

Your video's are just what this profession needs! I love how thorough you are explaining every detail and I admire you for having the bravery to give us the explanations that so many of us need to hear! I hope you continue to do more vids as time goes on. Thank you so much, Freddy

[@vivien3150]

As a funeral director and a mumma of angels I loved looking after these families...

[@KaritheMortician]

Me too!

[@karencampbell4813]

I must say Kari you are a very compassionate and remarkable woman Thank you for sharing

[@mombradshaw5528]

My baby girl Ruby died at birth at 2:49am Jan 22nd..almost three days ago. I am going to school working towards my goal of becoming a funeral director/embalmer..I just never thought I would have to pass through these waters myself. The same way you thought/think to get yourself through...that was my thoughts exactly and I think The Lord brought that to me...There is no way of knowing what awaited Ruby. Loosing her now and knowing that she is literally in Jesus' arms, my family already in Heaven with her..I just have His peace with my pain.

[@heatherfeagin-yingling8505]

You are so kind. Thank you for your service.

[@rickmeyers401]

I like the way you think about a young death. I’ve often thought the same thing. The loss of a teenager, to me, is harder than a baby’s death. They have worked so hard preparing for a long life only to be snuffed out before they are allowed to start truly enjoying life. Maybe I’m crazy, but, that’s how I see it. I enjoy your outlook on life, thanks for sharing! God Bless you and your family.

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you

[@pamelajohnson2748]

You are so sweet and compassionate.And very classy and professional lady.I love your comforting and soft.You are the best person for this job we need more like you.I love your sweet personality.

[@donw3912]

Ive often wondered also about how kids and infants are handled in these situations...it takes a very special kind hearted but strong person to do those particular cases...madics and hospital personnel and funeral directors...they that do this job for the young with the extra special care and compassion thats needed to gently walk a family through this process...they too, in my eyes, are also heroes. The rocking chair is a very unique perspective and a great tool to have...more likely then not though only a mom would be able to make that connection...super job. Something tells me theres alot of kids on the other side who are watching out over you and yours Kari:-)

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you

[@MissouriPenny]

I'm binge watching yourvideo...thank for your compassion and gentleness bless you .

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you!

[@gregmilliken9659]

I have two close friends who each own, and operate funeral homes here in Maine. It definitely takes very special people to do what you do. I know I couldn't do what you do. Your videos are great, thank you for all you do!

[@KaritheMortician]

Very nice!

[@bonniebrown6960]

You do have such a caring heart. I have never had to go through anything like that and I pray I never do . I think that is so sweet of you to let the parents and grandparents rock the baby or hold the baby . I've never heard anyone doing this before . You have a strong heart . I personally don't think I could do it , but its nice to know that there is people like you in this world that care .

[@TheBiblicalDreamInterpreter]

Your voice is so comforting and soothing...I could listen to you read the dictionary and feel relaxed! lol!

[@kathrynhall1136]

Ain't that the truth , Kari has enlightened me about the death care industry . And even looking at it as a profession , maybe .

[@Evangelina999]

Original Dreamgirl I thought it was just me haha sooo true.

[@SandraRobinsonClark]

I totally agree, it comforts my heart and soul to listen to her voice. I wish I would have had her to talk to when my son died, from a car accident. Her voice alone is so soothing.

[@derrickbarber9958]

Amen

[@mikebaker3558]

Kari, You are a very loving person who, unlike many people, has truly found your purpose in life. If one of my children died, it would be a blessing to have you care for our child and our family. Your loving spirit and beautiful personality would be very reassuring and comforting. I can tell you are a wonderful mother too. May God Bless you always.

[@proudcynophile1901]

My heart goes out to all parents and grandparents who have had to say goodbye to their young children. That alone has to be unbearable. But to have to endure being suspect of foul play by external beaurocrats involved in the investigationsof these tragic deaths. Praying for God's love and mercy to comfort you in your grief and hardship.

[@kittycasino29]

My baby boy died when he was four days old from a brain disorder in 2002. The funeral home was amazing and covered all the costs.

[@KaritheMortician]

So glad you had good care

[@mikeb1725]

You are one awesome Woman Kari. Thank you for sharing your experiences with others. Your matter of fact explanations combined with compassion is comforting. This is a difficult subject for most everyone, we just don’t want to face the inevitable end of life. Be it our own or a loved one. God bless you for all you do for others in the most difficult of times.

[@bonniebarber2441]

I do not think you are a bad person for saying that the child is better off. I completely agree with you and I've always thought and I've told my husband the same thing on several occasions. I think that you have a beautiful heart!

[@ashlynhoop8329]

I agree. Dont think you are a bad person. I agree. Where all here for a reason and when it's our time ,its our time.

[@scottosier6737]

As a parent who lost my son at 5 months old, it is extremely hard to hear this but even in situations where the family life was great, these children are above us in a better place.

[@lindagerman1782]

I work as a lab technician in an infertility center. I have a very difficult time comforting patients who have miscarried. I know it's not my loss, but I have a empathic nature. I will try to remember before I dissolve into tears with my patients, to know this is not my loss. Thank you.

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you for sharing

[@michellemandino8154]

l can say the loss of my daughter, has taken a part of my heart with me and it has never come back..lt is with you forever

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you for sharing

[@TheJoyQueenForever]

You're so caring...I wish the funeral home that cared for my foster sisters 8 month old baby girl was as smart as you...mom wanted all of us to hold the baby and we we're teenagers and not prepared...it took everything for our feet not to buckle and we we're strong minded people but nothing g can prepare anyone for that experience...I really didn't want to...I wanted to remember baby Violet as she was all fat and juicy and full of smiles back at home...she died from liver failure...

[@lorrainejones3988]

Joy SImpson h

[@geordielassie1]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I agree with kari, violet is a gorgeous name xx

[@lisacompmanley6528]

Thank you so much for sharing. ... this was very insightful. You truly are a wonderful woman. You are very kind and kind-hearted. It takes a very special person in this world to do what you do on a daily basis.... God bless you 😊 my sister died when she was 3 months old when I was a very hard and confusing thing because I was very young at the time and really didn't understand. But what I do remember is being at the funeral and the funeral directors having to literally stand next to my mother and hold her arms back because she continuously try to take my baby sister out of the casket and I remember everybody in the room at that point being so emotional and emotions running very high and frustration and anger sadness but seeing the look on my mother's face as she couldn't touch my baby sister is a image I will never ever forget. Did you ever have to experience families that had to be restrained or had to be more less guided during a service of a child?

[@sarahbarton4100]

@@KaritheMortician Hi, something we do in New Zealand is bury the casket before leaving the cemetery, so the immediate family, extended family and friends all share the responsibility of shifting the earth to fill the grave. For us, it's a normal action, and we feel as if the service has been properly completed, and the person has 'settled'.

[@Maniamanea]

I work as a crematory technician, we cremate about 10-15 people per day, from every age, infant to old. Occasionally there are family members who request to be present for the cremation. Just as you say, one of the key things about this line of work is to never ever let the situation get under your skin. Many people think we're cold, heartless, emotionally dead because we work with dead individuals and we cremate infants and children "like nothing". I can assure that if I mourned and grieved for every individual I handle on a day to day basis, I would end up in one of the coffins myself. It is absolutely detrimental to your own person to let your job get personal. It does not mean I don't feel anything, but when I stand there with the parents who've lost their child and are about to witness me send the coffin into the oven, no matter how emotional and devastated they are, I have to be professional. It's not only for the sake of my own sanity, but also for the sake of the relatives and the family. They come to us expecting us to handle everything with absolut perfection. The grieving is for them to do, our job is to make sure their last moments with their loved one is something they will be able to look back upon and be happy with, and that the loved one is handled with the utmost care and respect on their final journey.

[@shaynad41]

When I lost my disabled veteran husband to his Service connected disability, Asbestosis, the person that handeld my husband's cremation let me be in the room and salute my husband until they closed the door to the crematory and pushed the start button was pushed. He was also a retired veteran. This helped alot.

[@christinekordyjaka2113]

Thank you for the work you do and the time you have spent to make these videos and give people an opportunity to understand so much. Thank you for shining His light of love to a sad time in peoples lives. You are a beautiful jewel of a human being. with His love Christine

[@lisahughes1029]

At one time as a kid I wanted to be a mortician.. but so much goes into it that I quickly changed my mind. Im too tender hearted for one , so mentally I couldnt handle it. I do have much apperication for the line of work you all do!

[@jessicamoriarty6660]

I'm moving into this profession and this really helped me put things in the right box . Thank you so much.x

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you

[@donnabuonomo2960]

Thank God we have people like you who have a loving heart and are able to do the job you do. Thank you for presenting this information in such a caring manner.

[@masperonola490]

I didn’t know if I was going to be able to listen to what happens with children and babies once they come to you. I don’t even know why I opened the video or really how I even got here.l while browsing through KZbin. You just popped up. Thank you for explaining the process. I haven’t lost a child but have a daughter that lost a son at the gestational period that you spoke of here. You have certainly met your calling. I’m sure you are of great comfort to those that find themselves depending on a person like you to care for their loved ones when their life on earth is done. God bless you, Kari.

[@MissouriPenny]

God bless you..your a very special person.

[@KaritheMortician]

Appreciate that!

[@loriadams1588]

You are one of the most kind and compassionate people that are on You Tube, Kari. You are definitely in the line of work where you are such a blessing. From the way you talk about your life and job, I knew you were a Christian before you said so. You have that kindness and love about you.

[@inboom5478]

You talking about holding the baby etc that’s why I think we need more hospitals to offer Cuddle Cots for parents who choose to take the baby home to spend more time with them. They are able to get that closure and create a bond between Mother, father & child. I recently discovered my state only has maybe 3 cuddle cots in the whole state at only one hospital. So I’m working to to raise money for at least a few more in all different parts of the state so there’s more access to them. I recently spoke to someone about them because they had never heard of one and after explaining they said “that’s a little creepy. Bringing your dead baby home with you.” Of course Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but look at all the mothers who have lost babies who say their biggest regret was not getting more time to hold the baby, and spend as much time as needed. I think it’s an important subject that needs more awareness.

[@inboom5478]

Kari Northey I just recently learned about it myself but from what I have read online it seems to be something that is helping parents when they lose a child. But I completely understand what your saying. The cuddle cot keeps the body cool with some kind of ice pack or cooling system. But I also understand it’s not something that everyone is going to want to use. And your points about embalming and decomposition of course are very important to know if a parent chooses to use one. I don’t know if I can find the video I watched, it was actually a live stream with women who had lost babies discussing it, that’s how I found out about it. Maybe if you search cuddle cot it will show up.

[@inboom5478]

Also thank you for replying! I just recently stumbled upon your channel and have found it very informative. Great job!

[@inboom5478]

Judy Paranish It’s basically a bassinet that some hospitals in the US, Canada and the UK (I’m not sure about other countries) offer to parents who have lost a baby. It looks like a normal bassinet but it has cooling pads to keep the baby’s body cool. It’s just an option for some parents who want to maybe spend more time with their baby after he/she has passed like maybe taking it home before it goes to the funeral home. Some say it helps to form that bond between mom/dad and Baby instead of feeling like they didn’t get enough time with the baby or not knowing he/she. From what I’ve read online, some parents who have experienced a loss, regretted not spending more time before the baby was sent to the morgue or funeral home so this was was created to sort of be an answer to that. If you google or even search on here, you will find stories of parents who have used it and their experiences. It’s seems to be a positive thing for some but it’s not for everyone.

[@inboom5478]

Kari Northey your welcome! 😉 I am no expert by any means but I do feel it needs more awareness.

[@rubywin2178]

I believe that this is a good idea.

[@Stargazer69]

Thank you for your honestly and insightful information. It takes a very strong-minded person to do what you do. Thank you for the great job that you do.

[@joycemiraglia280]

The funeral home my family always used had one of the nicest and caring funeral directors but sadly he passed away and one of his caring for children and babies things he did for them was "he had someone stay the night there in the funeral home cause babies and children don't like being alone...I asked the family members who now run the funeral home if they still followed the same procedure and sadly they weren't even aware of there family member being so caring...I knew because I was on a first name basis with him and knew how genuine he was...

[@KaritheMortician]

That is wonderful

[@frankmarter6845]

Telling yourself that the person isn’t someone you know or part of your family doesn’t always work. I feel the same way as if it was a member of my family. It’s called empathy. The fact that anybody has to go through the misery of losing someone dear to them affects me the same way as if I knew them personally. I’ve lost all of my family and most of my best friends. It never gets easier. If I see a funeral going on it might as well be for one of my best friends. It affects me the same way. They were someone’s best friend or relative. It doesn’t matter that they weren’t mine. I still feel the same.

[@KaritheMortician]

You can't do this type of work if you take on the loss of others.

[@kristieweaver2428]

You are such a beautiful soul. I truly understand why you are in this profession. It is your calling

[@40ounce58]

Very honest video. I’ve always wanted to ask a relative of mine who works in the funeral business , if he has ever been overcome with emotion when he prepares a child for burial. Thank you Kari for talking about this subject.

[@dianaray1470]

You are so honest. Thank you. I would want you there for me if I lost a child.

[@trudyramgren8817]

Kari, you did this topic with such grace and compassion. You absolutely would have to put yourself in a different mindset to do what you do. If I had lost a child I definitely would want to hold and rock them. Your suggestion of that is awesome. Thank you for sharing this.❤

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you so much!

[@shaun6597]

I think Kari Northey is a phenomenal person. This woman has given me such a new perception of death and what it entails. I will admit that funeral homes still scare me to a certain extent. I am more fascinated with the science of death, but listening to her talk about her experiences and the things that she does to help her get through certain situations has helped me immensely. I would love to meet her and shake her hand and just have a professional conversation with her.

[@cyndid5727]

Another thing to remind yourself of is...you are providing a service that is looked up to by the families. They kind of need your guidance. Any funeral director I have dealt with was reassuring & the funeral homes, while difficult to muster up the courage to go into, are safe places & feel even safer when we see our funeral director who helped us plan the final rest of our loved ones. If you're considering this career, please know you are doing one last respectful act for families who are beginning a process of learning to live without their loved one. You are essential!

[@angelgirl7473]

When I lost my son I was almost 5mths along,miscarriage I think of him often but I know I will meet him on the other side

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you for sharing about your sweet little one

[@Kute_Queenz_Korner]

I delivered a beautiful baby girl, she was stillborn. I was hoping to hear a little bit about the cremation process. Everything was so surreal, and I was told that I couldn’t even be present for the cremation. I have so many regrets I sometimes wish I would’ve done the burial instead. I just wish the funeral home would’ve been more sensitive, given my situation.

[@laszlohorvath8637]

Your insight is very moving and useful. Thank you for your time in sharing your perspective, it really helps with those unanswered questions, thank you

[@cherylferris6811]

It takes a very special person to do the job you do. Thank you for your compassionate nature. Thank you that you take the time to make videos that answer the questions that alot of people wonder about but had no one to ask. Please keep making these informative videos as it helps people like me who have never handled that part of life all that well. Be Blessed always.

[@JoeyFTaylor]

Kari, may I ask where you live? I want you to take care of myself and my family members. You are so amazing. You have such a calming soul. You are a beautiful person. I have learned so much from you.

[@pzkw6759]

You touched on an excellent point. As a geriatric nurse, I have to keep my head in the game, so to speak, as I watch my patients decline, which at times can be difficult. The way you show compassion and empathy to your clients tells me you didn't choose your profession. Your profession chose you. Just a thought

[@KaritheMortician]

So very true!

[@stephenlennstrom5773]

Thanks for your videos. As a minister, they have been a helpful look into the life of a funeral director and the kinds of ways that Christian ministry can work alongside the very real ministry of funeral homes! You mention in this video that at one point you provided a service to hospitals where you would offer free burials to those who died before they were born. Do you think this could be something which a church with sufficient property could also do? If so, you mentioned using the same plot of ground and rotating the burials around that area. What size of a plot were you using? How long would you give the ground to rest before re-using it? Many thanks again for your videos and the comfort you give to those who are grieving.

[@stephenlennstrom5773]

I'm in California currently, looking to move to the Northwest. It would be interesting to see what the prospects are for designating part of the property as a cemetery. At the very least having a remembrance garden.

[@nigelbeverleyholmes2196]

That's beautiful the way you care for babies and children

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you!!

[@RhonaMiller]

Thanks you I'm now 16 and understand what happens I was looking for a video like this because when I was only 5 my best friend who was 6 died of an epileptic fit but at the time I was too young to undertake what had happened so it really helps me to bring closure on what happened I have been through many grieving periods since then 1 my best friend 2 my uncle who came back from ww2 3 miss Jones my teacher 4 Emily Gardner (speedboat accident in the UK) 5 a church friend (Hugh greenhalf cancer) 6 a church relative (Maddie read cancer)

[@bremueller-siebert8131]

My son died when I was exactly 12weeks. I had to have surgery to remove him. He was supposed to go to a funeral home after pathology was done with testing and we were supposed to pick up his remains from the funeral home. There's a long story with his remains not being found right now, but I still would like to know what a funeral home does with a 12week gestation baby that's so small that's also being released back to the parents. We can't afford cremation so we're supposed to receive his remains "as is". Can anyone in the profession tell me if the funeral home even does anything with remains that small that aren't being cremated or buried By the funeral home???

[@dadecountess305]

I hope they found his remains . Hope you raised a law suit .

[@rosefranco2319]

You Are a Guiding Light and a Pillar of Strength.God Bless

[@KaritheMortician]

Wow, thank you

[@Scgirl38]

God bless you! You've got an amazing heart of gold. I know my family would be taken care of with the utmost respect from you!

[@davidmack4495]

You really seem to care... God bless you..

[@josephkimbrough54]

Some of God's children are just too good for this Earth so he calls them back home that's what I believe 🙏

[@PeridotChampion]

Honestly, as a kid who has grown up with physical abuse, I've spent a large amount of my time thinking about death. I remember when I was first told about death, "it's like sleep, except you don't wake up." And I thought that that was the best thing ever. That I didn't have to deal with pain anymore, didn't have to deal with the fear of being afraid of my own mother physically abusing me. At times, I fell asleep fearing for my life and coming home thinking that I might die today from that abuse. It's the dying part that terrified me other than the death part and I just wanted it to end. I know it's dark and I know it's sad but if kids do die earlier rather than later, it saves them a lot of heartache down the road. I'm still dealing with trauma and that moment that pit of fear forms in my stomach... It's not anxiety, it's not like the fear of heights, it's that fear that I had when the end of school came and I had to go home to an abusive mother, that moment that fear settles into my stomach is the moment I'm brought back to those days where I feel like a small, helpless child and I wish that I could have died as a kid. I wish even now that I could have died and that I didn't have the memories that I have now, that I didn't have that pain. Children deaths are always sad, and this is my spiritual side talking and I hope that if God is real, these children and teens are absolutely sinless and they will be happy where they go, or it would be nothing, just endless sleep, which I personally wanted. Just an insight on an abused perspective and the thought of dying young.