Caroline's Cancer Journal - Episode 5

[@LatmaTVulpanstudent]

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." The Wizard of Oz

[@hoosierpioneer]

One of the best truths from that movie.

[@marywatkins9438]

I love this quote.

[@OurCatioHome]

Well said!

[@elenaculcer5405]

With the love you give to Caroline and your other furbabies is amazing. Caroline knows that you love her and she loves you back unconditionally. She also thanks you for letting her go on her terms. Many warm blessings to you all.

[@cq9882]

This was a much needed to hear words for my Caroline’s choices. 🐈🙏 Letting her go on her terms.

[@heleenglazenburg1405]

She looks perfectly happy and content

[@bendals3809]

100% agree

[@gmurph6499]

I totally 💯 agree❤❤❤

[@dra.liliaireneduran9165]

Hi have you tried usimg chlorine dioxide to reduce the mass. It is quite efective. Hope this helps

[@RoyalMetal9]

“The less normal she feels, the more normal she needs.” Very well said. Cats hide pain so well. Such little troopers. Mine was. Right until the end.

[@destinychild4659]

That's why, it's so hard to see the signs before it's too late. They just don't show it. Loving our furbabies! ❤

[@DraconiInfernalus]

@@destinychild4659 especially cats are hard to read until it´s mostly too late. i thought my cat had problems with his teeth at the time he doesn´t eat as much as good as usual...but his kidneys were not good. few teeth had to be removed, that was the easy task but not the kidney disease. he already lost 1 kilo of weight between spring and summer 2023. 5 kilos left, but i didn´t recognised it before bc he also got thick fur. i saw he lost weigh because of his hips. he seems much more slim there and that was strange to me. but i thought...well it´s spring/summer maybe he is a bit more slim in summer. i got him first in fall 22. the infusion therapie afterwards was not as successful as i hoped. after 11 weeks the blood test was worse than before the surgery. but the vet said...without the infusions it would be far worse than now. so we continued with the infusions until 2 weeks ago. the vet told me then that for his condition he looks very good but nontheless is a very sick cat. and i think we often forget or suppress those thoughts.maybe we are just not aware of this in some moments how they change in the process. seeing the pet as it is. our beloved furried friend. my cat is gone for a bit more than a week now....

[@XanaMarie]

That’s a similar boat for me with my cat. I had to say goodbye to my Bootsie-Boi just last week on Wednesday who would have been turning 13 years old this coming April 1st. Kidney failure, and there were some signs a few weeks before, but I’ve been struggling financially lately and it was so hard to see him go down hill, but he went down hill so quickly, and I could tell days before I was able to get him euthanized that he was lying on my, looking into my eyes, and I had the distinct impression he was trying to tell me he was in so much pain, that I needed to let him go. I never cry harder than I do when I have to let a pet go. He was in so much pain, that I immediately sensed his relief when I felt his heart stop. He seemed so healthy and youthful. He was going up and down his cat tree, and still jumping up on my back whenever possible until he couldn’t anymore. I miss him so much.

[@RoyalMetal9]

@@XanaMarie My condolences. Almost exactly a month ago, I had to euthanize my dear Josey who was 23 years old. She was on thyroid medication and had pretty severe arthritis pain which despite daily meds, was definitely impacting her life a lot in the end. She had great difficulty walking and pretty much was spending all her time in front of the heat register. Her appetite was incredible though. She was eating a lot of food but she was suddenly losing weight and I could feel her spine when I pet her. She couldn’t lift her feet to get in the litter box so I had pee pads on the floor for her. Finally I couldn’t stand seeing her enduring through it anymore. Saying goodbye to such a great cat was so hard. I miss her terribly.

[@karenjones9943]

@@RoyalMetal9 I am so sorry for your loss. We never stop loving them.

[@Cwgrlup]

“The less normal she feels the more normal she needs.” LOVE THIS ❤

[@cindypetroski4413]

Dear Jackson, the most important of all is Caroline doesn't make this journey alone. You being with her every step of the way is comforting to her. She need not be afraid and alone. Peace be with you.

[@WouldbeRenaissanceLady6926]

A nurse once said to me a day or so after the birth of my daughter about children that "you don't own them, you only borrow them" and I think that is also true of the animals and pets that come in and out of our lives. I am a huge believer in pre-destiny and our meeting and our parting with every living soul that comes into our lives, happens for a reason... Peace in your valuable remaining time together, it is so very precious, ♥️😻

[@cherie6970]

🩷I agree. That's my philosophy also. We borrow them.🌷And for however long that time will be- is a privilege.👍💚🙏🐾🐈🐾🩷

[@elizabethstolle1793]

That is beautiful 🙏🙏

[@catherineritch6241]

We all belong to God. He wants us to take care of what was given to us.❤

[@staycerene9438]

💙💙Going through something similar with my little calico, Baby Blue Belle who will be 21 at the end of March. Because of that i truly understand and feel with you Jackson. Blue has a large carcinoma on a mamary gland that started out last year and two nights ago i discovered another pea sized lump. Of course at her age and with a heart murmur, there isn't anything her wonderful vet can do. It will eventually take her life. But right now it's still Blue's world and we're just renting space from her!! She has her days planned which includes eating, drinking, marching up and down the hallway, terrorizing the other much younger (and bigger) cats, going on walks outside and sleeping. Her vet is amazed how bright and...feisty...she is. Like sweet Caroline, Blue isn't fine. Something will take her any day. But right now she is DOING fine and right now is all we have for sure, isn't it? Thank you for sharing your journey with Caroline, Jackson. It's been helping me immensely as i embark on my journey with Blue. 🙏 🩵☘️🥀

[@jenniferbrookhart8581]

So very sorry that you are going thru this. I've lost one to cancer as well. *HUG

[@darrenadamic3465]

I have walked this path. The clear vomit wasn’t something I really put any weight on until you mentioned it. My girl kept her appetite until the end. I fed her whatever she wanted, her diet went out the window. I think that there are many of us who have experienced these losses and these decisions, and I appreciate you sharing your trials as they make me feel like I made good decisions in my own pet’s care. I am with you brother, and I believe in everything you are doing.

[@sueannephan3802]

hello! could you share more details of what clear vomit means?

[@Shiftarus]

@@sueannephan3802 it doesn't mean anything necessarily, it could just be that your cat threw up water or a little stomach acid. The more important thing is to notice if your cat is throwing up or acting strangely and investigate why. Edit- For specific advice, if you google search 'cat vomit goodna' the first result is a wonderful article with lots of information on this subject, and resources for what to do in each case

[@kimlandess8512]

I had the same thing recently with my boy. He was fighting the same thing and the same age as Caroline. I tried everything but cats in deline from gut tumors can't eat much. It's very hard because FOOD was Honey's "thing", so I knew things were getting bad. Everything Jackson has been covering has really helped me deal with his departure.

[@MetalxxDragoness]

Sorry for the loss of your furbaby.

[@chefgirl1996]

She knows she’s sick AND knows you’re with her. Much love & Support ❤️🙏🏼

[@MTLane]

With terminal sickness, we're cursed with knowledge. My Jake didn't know he was going to leave us very soon but I did. The knowledge was helpful in planning what to do and how to help him peacefully leave this world. At the same time, I wish I could just live day to day, not feeling The End looming over us. We love you and Caroline. You are not alone.

[@pammitchell5501]

Your comment made me cry. You are so right about the "cursed with knowledge" observation. I remember feeling so guilty when my fur babies were terminally ill and near the end of their lives, knowing and planning for that final trip to the vet (or having the vet come to our home) and tormented with the "knowing". It felt so wrong to be planning for their death when they were still living their life. I had always told myself that because I had always given my babies all my love and care, I would at least never feel regret or guilt when they passed, but I felt it anyway and it compounded the grief.

[@JP-lu9ed]

@MistyLV So beautifully put. I think of the Garden of Eden as an allegory that humans are cursed with knowing and anticipation about death. Grew up on a farm and watched many beloved (and admittedly not so attractive and cantankerous) animals die. While they often suffered pain, they did not appear to suffer terrible anxiety as humans do about our impending death or that of someone we love. They accepted what were the facts and realities and lived as best they could and with what comfort we and their fellow creatures could give.

[@eileencooper1177]

Omg, I know what you're saying, his last trip was last Thursday, I knew it was coming and so stressed for months. Now I'm just hurting and broken.

[@catherinedennis4240]

We just had to put our shy, scared cat down last night. We adopted her about a year and a half ago, she was our first cat. We wanted to do everything right to her so we watched every video of yours before adopting a cat. We kept her in the bathroom for a week when we got her and I slept on our bathroom floor every night with her. She was my absolute best friend and was by me every second of the day purring along from then on out. I know if she went to any other home she would’ve suffered and been an under the bed cat and passed away a lot sooner. She was always scrawny and sick and we took her to so many vets but we know to our soul she would’ve suffered so much more if we tried to fix her, it was her time. She slept in our bed every night on my chest and purred her heart away. I was so blessed to have her in my life and I don’t know what to do without her. Thank you for helping me create the best life for my baby. The hardest part of love is letting go, and I regret nothing with her. I know you give your cats the best life as well and even though their life is ending, you gave them the most enjoyable life possible

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I was adopted by a terminal siamese. We only had a few months together until it became too much for her. But I am happy I gave her the best last few months she could have. I would do it again.

[@vutomi9874]

Had your cat a name?

[@Sundancespirit]

What a beautiful girl!!! Bless little Caroline, you and your wife as you go through this challenging journey. You’re all in my heart and prayers!! 💖🙏🐱🙏💖

[@The_Naughty_Kitten]

❤

[@JacksonGalaxy]

Thank you, we appreciate it.

[@cq9882]

Beautiful 🐈🙏

[@BernadetteDaniells-xp6ux]

Caroline is so Beautiful. Bless her. ❤🙏 You are doing well for her. 🤗🥰

[@serenitytrek]

🌅 Your observation: "Maybe, the less normal she feels, the more "Normal" she needs!" - is a necessary truth bomb! It eases my guilt & will keep me more present with my precious loves. 💞 Thank both of you! 🤗

[@destinychild4659]

I think this is true for humans, too, who have deadly disease. Normal life and routines are the best we can give. 😢❤😢

[@eveliendebie3143]

My 15 year old tortoise has cancer at the moment, a different type than Caroline, but it also can’t be cured. Last october I made the same descision as Jackson did and as larger the cancer grows, how closer we’re coming to the end😢. This observation of Jackson is really one I’ll remember when the end is close. I think I’ll need that observation that moment.

[@serenitytrek]

@@destinychild4659 Such a good point! Caregivers have difficulty "providing normalcy" because they're deep in the fight! But simple familiar things offer the comfort that matters most!

[@serenitytrek]

@@eveliendebie3143 Recently, I heard the observation that "Getting a dog is buying a ticket to the worst day of your life!" This is because outliving our little loves is impossibility hard! My heart goes out to you! 💜

[@shannonlewis3313]

It's not one day at a time, it's one moment at a time, and it's ok to not be ok. She's happy and she's loved. Love her with all that you have. Every second is a gift

[@kk70x7]

I just unexpectedly lost my Mili-girl two days ago. She had been struggling for a couple of years to the point I thought twice I would lose her. But then... She had two great months and I honestly thought all was well, somehow. Then this past Thursday night, something really bad happened and she could no longer walk or even stand. Took her to the vet Friday morning and was told her body was shutting down. She crossed the rainbow 🌈 bridge in my arms. She was my heart and my little shadow. Now, me and her brother will have to get on with things just us. It's been a blessing to see Jackson's journey with Caroline and also so many others' stories of their little loves. We don't get much space to grieve our pets in this world, so we just need to support each other when it's our time to be sad. ❤️‍🩹💔

[@aletaschulz1108]

Caroline has zero regrets and his content just basking in your love as she awaits her time to peacefully cross that Rainbow Bridge. We can see it in her face...especially while you are by her side. It is beautiful to watch. Thank for including us on this journey.💚🤗

[@angelasobers4962]

Jackson my heart breaks watching you with Caroline! We've had to do what you did 5 times, and now we have #6 who is healthy and so lovable. It's heartbreaking when they pass and we cry and remember how loving and beautiful they were. Our boy now is 6 and he brings us so much joy and love! Bless you for being the great human that you are caring for so many animals. You are very special and God will reward you for all that you do loving and caring for his animals! 💓💓🙏🙏🐈

[@lorinmccracken7299]

Being open about the grieving process is so therapeutic. It’s a deeply personal burden that is hard to grasp. Thank you Jackson ❤️‍🩹

[@barbmaddern1513]

It seems Lady Caroline is enjoying her time with you . I believe our furbabies are very instinctual and Caroline is trying to make things good and as normal for you too. I think your many fans should keep sending white healing light and prayers for Caroline so she gets extra time with your family, she does look happy just to see how she is when she looks at you and I have no doubt she will tell or you will know when she is no longer happy. God Bless 🦋🙏💕🐈🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🇦🇺

[@kimlandess8512]

❤

[@carolelee9238]

Bless Her Little Soul💝

[@melaniehawkins1962]

It's not letting me comment so I replied to You because Your SOMEONE that knows & Loves this WONDERFUL MAN & how freaking unfair life can be. I lost my lil dog last year & it ripped my heart out 💔!! Jackson if You see this know I'm 🙏'ing for You, Caroline, Your Partner, & Folks that know & Love You Both!! Folks close to him PLEASE Give Him a big 🤗 For US that can't 😢 Jackson Your loved & supported by A LOT OF PEOPLE & FUR BABIES TY BE STRONG CAT DADDY 😻

[@KittenLord69]

My beautiful cat of 15 years (Her name is Kia) has leukemia and she doesn't have long. I can relate to you and these video's. Thank you for sharing your journey with us

[@harmonydesroches]

I'm so sorry

[@bossmare1480]

Sending much love to you and Caroline 🕯️💖🙏

[@christinealbrecht-jones8127]

Sending a big hug! I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling watching her. And then her trying to be normal. You made the right call.

[@JacksonGalaxy]

🙏Thank you

[@eileencooper1177]

I just had to make the decision to let my baby go, he had heart disease, could not afford a cardiologist. We fought with everything we had for quite awhile, we lost, he started filling with fluid. I am still crying, it just isn't ever enough time. I fully understand how you feel. I let him fight til the fluid came on. He had a very strong will to go on, I couldn't let him suffocate. I still feel like there was more I should have done. My heart is just broken. So is my other cat suffering too. My heart goes out to you.

[@monicar6347]

My heart goes out to you all. I know what you are going through. It's so hard to feel helpless. But just remember you being there makes her happy

[@huskeryu]

I adopted my first cat, a 15 year old senior lady, last year, and in the fall she started developing health problems, leading to a diagnosis of end stage kidney disease in December. I said goodbye to her yesterday morning and wish I had found this series of videos sooner, everything resonates so well and I felt so unprepared for the pre-grieving I found myself doing for months.

[@sylwiasmolak3187]

It's heart breaking but that's the price we pay for love. I unfortunately had to let my baby go few days ago, she had a cancer in her upper jaw and it was progressing really fast, I was dragging decision about putting her to sleep, I just simply didn't want her to leave me, I feel guilty now thinking maybe I was waiting too long. I'm absolutely devastated I don't know how am I gonna cope without her, she was my world. It's hard to talk about feelings to others, people don't understand the bond you have with your beloved pet, for them it's just a cat and to me it was my sweet little daughter, my friend, my companion, she was my everything. She was getting worse everyday and it was hurting me seeing her being in pain. I thought I would feel some relief once she's gone thinking she's not in pain anymore but letting her go absolutely broke me and made me feel even worse.

[@annamariedisipio8557]

Jackson you are so amazing and God bless you 🙏🙏 for everything you do for your cat 🐈 Caroline you are a blessing to her 🙏 and I thank you for sharing her with us we love ❤️💕 Caroline she is precious 💕💕 and beautiful ❤️

[@viviennewright7868]

Jackson as long as she is comforted and knows she is loved she will do her best to stay. Always good the pee peeing, pooping and purring. They are such adorable babies who hide things from us so well. They bring such happiness . You did make the right call and Caroline knows she is loved and will never leave you ❤xx

[@gleegirloz]

My darling Paris passed in 2022 of mammary cancer. She was 15 and 7mths. The vet couldn’t guarantee her surviving the ga let alone the very invasive operation. I decided to keep her at home with me and give her palliative care and have the vet on call! As it turned out she lasted almost 9mths and thankfully only lost weight the last two weeks. She never lost her appetite! Also she passed in her sleep at home with her family! I hope Caroline will bless you in this way. Whatever happens she knows how loved she is.

[@ibelieveinangelsyesido7436]

At the heart of it, Jackson, Caroline is loved & is not alone. That's the most any of us can hope for. It's enough. Blessings! Jackie in upstate NY

[@schrodingerthecat]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. This is a tough one, I am not alone in saying many of us have had to travel it, but you are not alone and we share in your pain. There are literally thousands of us sending our love for you and Caroline.

[@cynthiastogden7000]

The fact she is hungry still is great. My 17 year old girl with kidney disease often brings up almost water in the mornings. It is upsetting but then she will pick up later and eat her small meal. The ups and downs are very waring I know.

[@Dana-xv9lu]

She snuggles with us and we think maybe she's getting better. Comforting to see someone else on the same journey today. I'm trying to do no harm,no heroics she'd be stressed from, with dubious recovery value. I appreciate that you're on the same journey,thank you for posting. She loves you so much.

[@ellenabney4240]

Your love for her is a gift for you both, and it and she will be part of your life forever.❤😢

[@CleverestWitch2188]

She really does look well for what she's fighting inside her. Humans never fair so well on our goodbye tours. She truly just adores you and it shows most in her seeking you out routinely.

[@georgestableford6846]

Tiger passed in my arms, and I was alone. 😢 I look forward to seeing him on the Rainbow Bridge and getting whisker kisses again . Hang in there 🙏 brother . God LOVES!!!

[@kimlandess8512]

Bless you , too. Recently lost my orange and buff tabby to gut cancer.

[@DraconiInfernalus]

sending you hugs. i have to go through his alone too. no other pets, no partner, no friends asking how i am....just me and the screaming void and it´s silence

[@scubawoman1428]

We are here with all of you every day. Sending much love. Avoidance is natural Jackson.. denial.. its ok. She sounds good, looks well. Enjoy all your days available together. 😘

[@KennethWodiska]

Last year, in a span of 7 months, I lost three of my fur babies. 18,17, and 8 years old. Two to cancer one to a brain aneurysm. After each of the diagnoses, the remaining time was precious. It was happy, sad, loving, and painful. I found it was much easier to handle once I hit the acceptance phase. The truth is, although, you never forget, you just move on.

[@sueellenturscak8196]

“The less normal she feels, the more ‘normal’ she needs” - brilliant insight that could be applied not only to our pets, but to any family member in end-of-life care.💗

[@GraceyDi]

My oldest cat was 17 years old when vets told me she was having a heart problem. They didn't gave me hope that she will live much longer. One day she got worse and spent the night in the hospital. The next morning they told me that it's her end.. I spent the whole day watching her struggle for air and I was feeling hepless. I didn't have time to accept her death, but I was so gratefull that she was giving me all this great 17 years of her live and love. You are never ready to say goodbye but you will have to. The cat loves you, don't be sad. She is happy having you, just spend the rest of her time together, that time is pressious 😺

[@aldona.k]

Caroline's journal makes me appreciate the time i still have with my two furry babies ❤

[@debbienelson1950]

Sweet dreams beautiful Caroline ❤❤❤❤❤

[@trace9657]

Good night sweet girl. Love, to your humans. You will never know who this resonates with so many of us.

[@lindalafleur226]

This is a hard journey. I’m going thru the same thing. My lil Spicey is so thin now. The meds were making her so sick, so I decided to let her not be miserable and stopped them. I’m sorry you have to go thru this… praying for all to go good for her and you during this time. 🥰

[@debradavis3935]

What a powerful lesson in faith Caroline is providing for all of us. When you spoke of her reaction the day after acupuncture, it reminded me of something that happened when my father was in the process of dying. As humans we’re always so accustomed to taking control in situations as a method of survival at minimum. But what the process of death and dying teaches us that we are not in control, not one little bit. Thank you for posting these videos of Caroline‘s final journey and your time spent with her. These days are precious and ones that you will never forget. God bless you both. 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️

[@korbkelly]

She looks so happy and cozy. "What she wants is always what she has." I love that.

[@nanl1947]

Animals are so different from we humans, so accepting of whatever happens and they know they live on without their sick bodies and they don't mind. If only we shared their wisdom. I have human and animal children. I feel their pain so deeply I wonder how big of a piece of my heart remains at this point. Caroline knows she is loved and she is grateful.

[@joandiamond6788]

The price we pay for loving anyone is the chance that we will outlive them. Grief is love continuing. It is hard, I was with my husband through his cancer trials and death. I suffered the loss of my only child. I suffered when my dogs and cats have passed on. Our capacity to stand grief is in direct proportion to our capacity to share love. I am so sorry that your lovely Caroline is ill and I am sorry that you will lose her, but you have given her an amazing life, on her terms. Now you are giving her a sunset also on her terms. You are an amazing couple. I wish you strength through love.

[@terilynncaine6238]

I have been where you are several times. It is soul crushing because there is nothing you can do to stop it. Being powerless to fix what is wrong is devastating. All we can do is love them and keep them as happy and as comfortable as possible. You have my heartfelt prayers of comfort and peace. I have learned so much from you about my fur babies, I wish I had more to offer than prayers....💔🐾🐈‍⬛

[@lesliebray8114]

I do believe that the more things become unstable in our lives, the more normal we need to be content. She looks very peaceful and happy. That's because she has you all to herself😻!

[@dmurphine]

I've been following this story from the beginning while sadly going through the same thing emotionally with my 15+ year old black cat, Chester, who was losing wt and diagnosed with kidney disease. Lately he's been nothing but skin and bones, frail and lethargic. As long as he was trying to eat I thought he'd hang in there. But sadly this morning he was no longer eating or even trying, and I knew it was his time. Knowing that I didn't want him to go, I wanted him to keep living, but that was me being selfish and I had to acknowledge the pain he was in and that there was no coming back from this. I held him for a long time in the sun. But then I did the thing you have to do, as peacefully and painlessly as possible, and say goodbye. It's so hard, I will miss him so much. I do understand what you're going though. It sucks.

[@carolineclynes1]

The ultimate gift from a parent is to 'be there' rain, hail, or shine. Caroline is safe and peaceful with the reality that you are always by her side. Bless you all.

[@prreeyanarayanan7731]

I can understand how painful this is... thanks for sharing ... I wish Carolina good times as long as she lives... she's a beauty a calico cat... bless her!!!

[@elizabethstolle1793]

If every animal could have this life, love and respect…..what a wonderful life and world it would be❤️❤️

[@4EL95]

I’ve dealt with this many times as you most certainly have. It’s hard to deal with because at some point you realize there’s nothing you can do. This is what life is. The grief you feel is real. Making her as comfortable as possible is the best you can do. She is so lucky to have someone who takes such good care of her. I don’t know what else to tell you. I have ashes of all my pets in a special place to remember them. You’re a good guy Jackson. Thanks for being one. Try and smile 😅. It helps.

[@doriangrey9702]

Sweetheart. Im so sorry for you both. Nothing left to do but love love love. If you need to seek assistance you will know. God bless you both.

[@cazviljoen9545]

Caroline could not be more comfortable anywhere else. She knows she is loved. Just looking at her I can see total acceptance. Peace to you Jackson. 🙏

[@roxannedunlop1044]

None of us really know how to deal with something like this. Except to make sure they know we love them.

[@SleepyCamping-bg8pi]

I’m not sure I can express how deeply Caroline’s story has touched me. We’re strangers to each other but it is comforting to know there are people like you in this world that have such love in their hearts. Your caregiving to Caroline, especially at this times, must truly please God. Such a treasure it is to be blessed with the companionship of one of God’s creatures. And cats are the best! I’ve had three in my life and loved them all very much. Many blessings to you, your family and all your fur babies.

[@michellejeffreys4823]

wow so sorry Jackson praying for you and ur family ❤ we love u so much I really hate it for u so beautiful the love between u too❤😢 sending lots of love ❤❤❤❤

[@jademusic1211]

Oh, Jackson, I really feel for you.😞💔 This is taking me back to the raw emotions I felt in 2007 when I experienced the devastation (for the first time) of having to lose my furbaby.🤧🥺 Even after knowing the fatal diagnosis, I was deep in denial; fighting every step of the way to keep my precious tuxedo girl alive.😩 The vet said I would know when the time was right *after* learning she was doomed because I simply couldn't accept it.😭😭 And then when she vomited clear liquid and literally *crawled* to me because she couldn't walk, I knew I couldn't let her go on like that.😞 She was clearly suffering, and to this day, I wonder why I needed to see evidence of this suffering before I would do right by her.😥 If you wait for them to suffer, you've waited too long, and yet, between Cindy and then my calico/tabby, Giz, it was the same thing.😩💔 The denial is overwhelming. You don't want them to suffer, and yet you almost can't see that they are, just the same.. not till you're ready to, I guess.🥺 Anyway, my heart is with you and your wife, Jackson, and of course with Caroline.❤ Thank you for sharing your and Caroline's journey with us.😔❤️

[@teribaggett1595]

I felt guilty waiting to take my cat to the vet, I knew he was very ill. I spent allot of days wondering if I was doing the right thing. When he wouldn’t eat anymore I took him. His kidney was failing. The doctor told me there is nothing that could have been done during the time he was at home. I have been feeling like I should have done more for 8 years now since he’s been gone. You have cleared my conscious as I see you and Caroline in her last part of life…that’s what they want, their owner to be there with them and that’s what I did unknowing this. ❤ Thank you for making this series.

[@pennyreeves]

You are doing an amazing job for your darling little girl. Thank you from all of us true animal lovers, we completely understand how heartbreaking this is. Love to all of you, especially your little girl.

[@whiskeyclones7161]

This might sound crazy, but seeing your journey with Caroline is actually helping me with my own; my mother has terminal cancer and is in hospice care, and many of the things you talk about -ESPECIALLY anticipatory grief-really resonate.

[@debispencer393]

My heart goes out to you and your family....I too have a 16 year old cat and dealing with possibilities of a 'goodbye' and you are keeping me sane..Thank you for doing this!!! YOU DEFINITELY MAKE THE RIGHT CALL!

[@jenellemohammed9591]

She's a beautiful

[@nisamskreuzer5891]

She's looks so peaceful. I know that it's so hard because your mind gets in the way. Your just being there Is enough. She is loving you and she is loved and she knows it. There is no greater gift. Our hearts are with you. 🫂

[@nogames8982]

I think you're making the right decision. When I found out my cat had cancer, well, actually, there was something going on and I was pretty sure it was cancer. I actually made the mistake of having them do a biopsy. Biggest mistake of my life. The cat went downhill very quickly after that. Sometimes a surgery can kick the cancer into overdrive.

[@marciazubko8595]

We have hope all the time, against all odds, against the reality of the situation. It's the same here with my 17 years old buddy.

[@fitnesskitty]

You’re an amazing cat dad. You’ve given her the most beautiful life. The love you have for her really shines through. She’s so gorgeous. Thank you for sharing these raw and real videos that show what it’s really like to do palliative care for a cancer kitty. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been here, too. I had to help two of my cats cross over in 2023 and I’m still grieving like it was yesterday. I get it. Stay strong and savor every beautiful moment you have with her, as you already are. She adores you as much as you adore her. One of mine went very suddenly and I wish I had gotten that time to spoil him (even more than usual) before he left this life. 💔

[@nicolevogelaere8820]

All those leading up to death need time to make peace with inner reassurance to prepare and make the transition peaceful. Thank you for giving your loved one this hospice time 💖

[@hummadruz]

Nature must take its course. The wife and I watched as our dear Sausage Cat took her last breath last September. It was traumatic but thankfully brief for all three of us. She is at peace now. 21 was a good age - she was wonderful. 😳

[@carlwynn2078]

Thanks for posting these VLOGS, Jackson. Caroline's journey and your experiences have meant a lot to me, on a personal level. My mom died from pancreatic cancer in 2020. Last week, my cat, Pumpkin, lost her vision, and I've been so scared. You've really helped me think a lot.

[@Livinginthegrayarea]

Our Tex just passed away last week at 18. He threw up like that for years. Lots of love and sunshine helped our boy. We started getting him outside. Which he had never done. It seemed to help a lot. It’s so hard to lose them. I’m soo sorry this is happening. So beyond sorry.

[@sammygirl6910]

My Frankie passed right after Thanksgiving. He wanted to be outside too. I was unsure about it, but relented. He picked a spot, and went to it every day for a week. On the 8th day it was raining when we got up. It rained for ten days. During that time, he had a rally. Started eating again and being with my other cats. It lasted until the day the sun came out. I put him in his spot until the sun went down. When I brought him in he refused to eat. He sat in my lap while we ate dinner. I did the dishes and realized after that he wasn't in his bed. We looked all over the place, and I found him in a box in the back of a closet. He had passed. Twenty minutes before he was purring in my lap. I felt like he was thanking me for that last sunny day.

[@Livinginthegrayarea]

@@sammygirl6910 people that say they don’t love cats… I just don’t get it. Thank you for giving your kitty the best ending! ❤️💔❤️🌈

[@jlescault1983]

Poor baby girl!! 😢 Thoughts and good vibes your way. Jackson your an amazing person love you guy's.

[@cheshiredj]

“The less normal she feels the more normal she needs.” That made me stop, and cry. I finally understand, because I'm usually Team Do Everything. I guess for her, this is all the "everything" that she wants.

[@RailpaxScott]

There is no greater love than that of our dear cats

[@nadinegoffart487]

Caroline enjoys her spot and your hands. She feels your love 💕 That looks exactly what she wants and needs

[@Fern_Yaz_Pets_Music]

Poor Caroline. She is lovely. She looks calm and very happy. So lucky to have you. 🩵

[@lisas6450]

❤❤ I am watching every single one of these videos. I have to plan my viewing because I completely open my heart to you, Caroline, Mina! And I cry with you every time. I have lost so many pets over the years, in many ways. I agree that we all keep that bit of hopefulness in our hearts. ❤ And that's ok too. I'm doing it too for Caroline, I send healing white light and love to all of you each time I watch. Whether or not my little two cents matters; I believe you made the right decision too. 😊 Caroline looks happy and peaceful. She knows. But as you said, she just wants to stay home and be surrounded by her human and fur babies family. Love is the best medicine. 😊❤❤

[@viviandarkbloom8847]

This diary has gradually become so important to me, maybe because Caroline looks so much like my calico gal. Last year, a post-vaccine bump on her right buttock made me fear the worst, but we've been granted clemency for this time. Anyway, that fear prompted me to start considering the inevitable. It helps us get ready, and enjoy every sandwich. Life is often disappointing, and at the same time it's too short. You're a beaut, Caroline, and you're a good man, Jackson. Lots of love to the two of you!

[@LFetterman7903]

My heart is breaking. Life is so bittersweet. Dear Jackson…❣️

[@sedrickmonroe]

i just lost my love houdini) day before yesterday, i under stand this grief all to well. I feel you pain Jackson!

[@scootymcfloof]

Jackson, I have no words right now. Only love, lots of respect and tears as you, sweet Caroline and your family embark on this journey together. ❤❤❤

[@YoureMyBlueSky2022]

Thank you for sharing Jackson. She is so beautiful, and lucky to have a home with people who care so much about her and are keeping watch over her condition. You can see her contentedness with you sitting next to her. ❤

[@terribaker6913]

When we made the choice to help our beloved cat pass, we knew we would always second guess our choice. Always wonder if we did it for the right reason with the best intentions. You are doing right and holding up your part of the bargain we make with these amazing creatures.

[@joemontgomery860]

I will add that there is some blessing in knowing and having a definitive diagnosis to deal with and prepare. We just lost a sweet boy yesterday, thought we were dealing with asthma over the years, a recent flare-up so we tried an inhaler (he didn’t like it), then thought it was severe congestion (lungs were clear) so treated for URI, but went from bad to worse over the last few days to struggling to breathe and had to relieve his suffering. Worse thing was thinking we could get him through it and not acting sooner to avoid his last days being so awful for him. 💔 So enjoy the time you have. At least you know what you’re dealing with, we will never know.

[@cq9882]

Jackson watching and listening to Caroline’s videos is so powerful. Your thoughts on her vomiting and how you are trying to say, well that’s ok, when you know it is a reminder that your Girl is very ill. Also letting her sometimes to guide you regarding your choices to help is not always her choices and how she demonstrates this to you after in case the acupuncture. Those times when you just have to remind yourself that she is making her way on a journey that I think she understands very well. When my 19 year old Cat, back in 2005 was getting steroids to get her to eat, the vet had to remind me several times that I understood that this is palliative care. Now my Cat, Ms Lily also 19 years her spine is protruding so close the her skin that it seemed like only yesterday that was not the case, but it was. When you mentioned this about Caroline this stabbing pain from my heart was saying see this is not OK. I was finally able to stop dismissing it. Look she can still jump on the lounge and then jump to her tree, I take that as the measuring stick. She’s ok, just look at that. Bless you and your wife and your sweet Caroline. You are helping us all with these videos, much more then you will ever know. Kisses to you Sweet Caroline. 🙏🏡🐈💗🇦🇺

[@naynay3710]

Caroline is so beautiful. This is the first time I'm commenting on this video journal. I haven't been able to bring myself to before this. I lost my two sweet girls within 5 months of each other, both from cancer, back in late 2015-early 2016. Both were sudden and quick, each giving me only one day to decide what needed to be done after being told there was nothing that could change the outcome. I didn't have to deal with days or weeks of knowing this horrible thing was happening to them, and I didn't get to spend days or weeks spending extra time with each one and making sure they felt extra love from me or documenting the time I had with them. Kind of a double-edged sword. The guilt I feel for not keeping them whole is still with me and I mourn for them and all the photos and videos that I never thought to take. And yet, Jackson, every word you say in these journals, I feel so deeply as if I've lived this, as well. I hate that I have nothing to give you that will help Caroline, or you or Mina. All I have is my attention. I will watch and cry with you and pray for peace for you, Mina and especially Caroline, as well as my Eliza and Sophie.

[@cynthiahassler5952]

My heart hurts with you… I’ve lost 2 cat and a dog to cancer… it never gets easier to deal with.

[@rogermarcoux8029]

Absolute truth: the less normal they feel , the more normal they need. ❤

[@paige-vt8fn]

Sending positive vibes, thoughts, prayers, gratitude, healing, happiness and hope! Thank you for sharing this journey with us 🙏💞 🐈❤

[@JackieSewert]

It’s easy to see and feel your emotions. As any pet parent who has experienced this type of loss, it’s easy to understand your feelings. Much compassion and empathy go out to Caroline and your household. Such loss is never easy to accept.

[@rosaymikecazares988]

My calico female had cancer too I had to out her down when all else failed I feel for you. We are still sending prayers your way . Keep being strong. God bless.

[@solimarotero6065]

Thank you Jackson for this reflection. Caroline is amazing and you all are doing the best in this challenging time. We just lost our Bambi to kidney failure after 19 years during Christmas. We send you love.

[@anydaynow7755]

Sometimes the right thing is still so painful to our hearts. 😢❤

[@GamesAndShips]

It has been a rough 3 years, losing two pets and my Mom to cancer. I feel you, cancer really fuckin sucks. The best we can do is love them, treasure all our time with them, and make sure they are as happy as they can be for as long as they can be. You're doing your very best for her and that's all anyone could ask. I wish your family any comfort you can get right now.

[@annamariedisipio8557]

Sending hugs 💟 and much love ❤️ always ❤️❤️ too you Jackson and family and your cats and mostly Caroline ❤❤❤❤❤

[@biancamccosker7550]

This brings up memories for when my boy had stomach cancer, he survived 6 months after diagnosis, even went into remission for 2 of those months. I quit my job after he was diagnosed i just had to be with him as much as i could while i could. He chose the oddest of places to sleep, ontop of the toilet lid and he lost a patch of fur on the top of his head, apparently due to his immune system collapsing. They do what they need to do when they need to do it. He only stopped eating a day before he lost the use of legs, which was when we decided it was time. They only injected the anaesthetic, and then he went. It was the hardest thing to do. But you are there she knows this, its our job to support them

[@KC-rf7dv]

Bless you, she is a beautiful cat and so lucky to have you by her side.❤

[@lezafullerton5941]

I'm with both of you in thought and prayers. ♥️