Cartman Has Ass Burgers - SOUTH PARK

Cartman tries to get diagnosed, while Kyle and Wendy discuss Stan's attitude.
"Ass Burgers" S15
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#SouthPark #SouthParkS15
INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Cartman is standing on a box at the stove, holding a
spatula and cooking burgers.
CARTMAN
Turn on your heartlight... Let it
shine wherever you go... Let it make
a happy glow...
EXT. NURSE'S OFFICE - DAY
Cartman walks up to the nurse's office and clears his
throat before entering.
INT. NURSE'S OFFICE - DAY
Cartman come in, melodramatically, overacting sick and
moving slowly.
The nurse-- a new lady not the fetus chick- stands by the
examination table.
CARTMAN
Ugh... hahghgh...
Cartman climbs on to the nurse's table.
NURSE
Eric, what is it this time?
CARTMAN
Fever... Light... Light
headedness...
The nurse checks his eyes and ears with her doctor's light.
CARTMAN
I don't know what's wrong with me.
NURSE
You don't feel warm...
CARTMAN
Oh that's a relief. I thought maybe
I had a fever but I- ugh... Oh my
bunz! There's a sharp pain in my
bunz!
NURSE
Can you lay on your stomach?
CARTMAN
I'll try, I'll try.
Cartman gets on his stomach and the nurse reaches in his
pants-
NURSE
What the--
She pulls a paper-wrapped hamburger out of Cartman's pants
NURSE
What is this a hamburger?
CARTMAN
(looking at camera)
A WHAT?
The nurse pulls three more burgers out of Cartman's pants.
She unwraps another and smells it.
NURSE
Why are there hamburgers in your
underwear?
CARTMAN
Are you SERIOUS? How could there
be-- OH MY GOD! You're saying I
have ASS BURGERS?!
The nurse takes out four more burgers as the paper wrappers
CRUMPLE.
NURSE
This doesn't make sense. Are you
trying to sneak food into the school
or something?
CARTMAN
What are you TALKING about?! I got
vaccinated from the school and NOW
CLEARLY I have ass burgers!
NURSE
Very funny.
CARTMAN
Well I'm glad YOU think ass burgers
is funny! Just note my condition on
your records there.
NURSE
Get out of my office.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY
Kyle is putting things away in his locker, standing side
view. Wendy walks up to him holding her trapper keeper to
her chest.
WENDY
Hey Kyle... Have you heard anything
at all from Stan?
KYLE
I've tried, Wendy. I've called him,
I've been to his house. But since
his diagnoses all he's done is
gotten worse.
WENDY
I don't know what to do. It's like
he's completely turned off.
Cut to a wider shot with two nerdy boys in the foreground
NERDY KID
Those two should just screw and get
it over with.
NERDY KID 2
Yeahhhh....
Back to Kyle and Wendy.
KYLE
I can't keep doing it, Wendy. I know
he has an illness but, God damn.
It's like being around a black hole
that just sucks the life out of
everything.
WENDY
Look, maybe what we should do is all
go over to his house TOGETHER. And
that way we could-
Kyle closes his locker and dramatically steps forward,
walking away from Wendy in the background.
KYLE
No, I CAN'T Wendy. All his
negativity is starting to make ME
depressed. I have to let him go.
And Whatever happens next I'm going
to EMBRACE, with a totally POSITIVE
ATTITUDE.
Cartman comes up the hallway holding his pile of burgers.
CARTMAN
God damn stupid school nurse!
Heartless bitch!
KYLE
What's the matter, dude?
CARTMAN
I spent all morning making
hamburgers for NOTHING, that's
what's the matter!
KYLE
You made hamburgers? That's
awesome! I'd love one!
Kyle unwraps a burger and takes a bite.
KYLE
(mouth full)
Wow! This is really good Cartman!
CARTMAN
Really?
KYLE
Yeah! Hey Riley! Try this
hamburger! Cartman MADE them
himself!
Riley eats some.
RILEY
Wow, what IS that?
KYLE
Seriously Cartman, you could make
MONEY with these!
CARTMAN
Gee, thanks Kyle!

[@southpark]

Watch full episodes of South Park: cart.mn/episodes

[@Zatvornik]

They already know for sure that it is commercial agricultural pesticides that cause autism, but admitting it would ruin world's economy. Tough luck.

[@ryandamon7735]

Hi

[@amaniwhite9622]

Taken from the episode: Ass-burgers (2011) from season 15 of South Park (1997-present) this episode originally aired on October 5th 2011 on comedy central! And this episode is a sequel to You're getting older! (2011)

[@aaronlucena2255]

Season 24 episode 2 of South Park will be air on January 20th

[@LeeGee]

You'll be fine gone soon. Terrible

[@ComicalRealm]

I'm kinda surprised they blindly trusted Cartman with the burgers

[@pottytheparrot310]

They’re trusting a sociopath who made someone eat their parents.

[@justsomeplantcells-]

But why his ass makes the burgers taste better?

[@vcjsjzjjs7404]

He farted on them

[@Mkmichael001]

@@pottytheparrot310 also kyle somehow trusted cartman even after cartman literally injected him with aids

[@PinataFreaks]

@@justsomeplantcells- The way they explain it is that since Cartman eats so much fast food, his sweat is basically a mix of all the essences of the different companies he eats from. So when he puts the burgers near his ass it infuses them with the sweat which causes them to give vague hints of everything from places like KFC, McDonald's and Taco Bell.

[@drifterax7731]

I love how he casually spent the time and effort to cook those burgers lmao

[@CHADCONTEXT]

Possibly one of his greatest plans

[@crestfallenpepe9758]

Maybe he actually likes to cook

[@gigachad-kk1jj]

​makes sense@@crestfallenpepe9758

[@noahherr8982]

“Those two should just screw and get it over with.” “Yeeaaa..”

[@christopherfreitas-leonard7099]

Was there a point to the two boys? I mean, is it a reference or did someone won a contest to voice characters?

[@aziron8955]

@@christopherfreitas-leonard7099 wow! I really thought about the same idea. That maybe someone of the southpark viewers won something

[@hpsetti]

@J S you mean they overreact to everything?

[@hamjohnson2319]

@Kenny McCormick R KELLY WANTS TO BRAID YO HAIR kzbin.info/www/bejne/hXbYkoGlp8iMZ8U

[@DicksonDagger]

@J S English class A+ well done

[@QuestionedTurkey]

Kyle being so proud of Cartman and Cartman getting really excited about it so so sweet ;w;

[@korrgono6366]

@Jessii_GamerGirl If you mean a Platonic ship then yes

[@TheFlyingEpergne]

Only because he could make money out of it 👀

[@vikasshukla4553]

Kyal is a cutie

[@linalokir2178]

No No that horriable ship

[@korrgono6366]

Or an romantic ship, ethier way I don't really care you guys can ship what ever you want

[@CodyDBuni]

As someone with Asperger's, I'll have to admit that the part where Cartman comes up with the "Ass-burgers" pun was actually pretty funny.

[@iwantedtobethatanomaly2270]

I have aspergers too and It was hilarious

[@henkaistudio]

@@iwantedtobethatanomaly2270 I have High Functioning Autism and I think that is hilarious too.

[@REK1DZ]

I am perfectly healthy and I found that very hilarious ;-)

[@zachorryy]

I have Aspergers too and as someone who was bullied relentlessly throughout my childhood, the "ass burgers" joke was always made whenever my form of Autism was mentioned. This persisted until High School and stopped at College thank god...

[@TheHornyWhiteWolf]

I have Asperger's too, and I find this hilarious

[@hidenfn]

This show can be watched unlimited times, it’s that timeless. Maybe it’s time to rewatch the entire thing again.

[@daisaigaming6836]

That is the point of these uploads, so you go their website and watch a few episodes.

[@hidenfn]

@@daisaigaming6836 I know, but by the “whole thing” I meant every season.

[@AsylumEscapade]

@@hidenfn From start to pandemic.

[@austinricky]

Or they could tell people if new shit is coming out

[@ProfessorChocolateCake]

I actually watched every single episode in chronological order leading up to the Pandemic special and it's pretty amazing how many characters and events are foreshadowed

[@ThePainOfSilenc]

2:06 Seeing Cartman genuinely positively reacting to Kyle is so wholesome.

[@-andreiDNA]

I think it's because he knows he put the hamburgers in his underwear and Kyle is now eating them 🤣

[@ligmamalegrindsetinvestinr9251]

@@-andreiDNA But what made it taste good 🤔

[@thedestroyer344]

@@-andreiDNA let's PLEASE just give him the benefit of the doubt and not ruin this moment (you're right it didn't last long

[@alyssarasmussen1723]

@@-andreiDNA at least the burger had a wrapper on it

[@CHADCONTEXT]

@@ligmamalegrindsetinvestinr9251 fartin on them

[@kerranimates]

I have Autism and I think Cartman’s misunderstanding of it is funny

[@zacharyclark5617]

Same.

[@fardgaming3047]

Same here, this is hilarious

[@Deemee-ed]

@Emani Gonzalez they are not making fun of them, they are making fun of cartman

[@blob5907]

@Emani Gonzalez but its pronounced ass burgers thats why its funny

[@JAC128]

@@blob5907 I think it's pronounced as ass-sper-gers

[@jackfreeman1776]

1:12 The entirety of the South Park shipping fandom in 4 seconds.

[@jackfreeman1776]

Except replace those 2 kids with either 15 year old teen girls or 35+ year old men. There’s no in between.

[@GummitMan]

rofl

[@Shade571]

Probably one of the only scenes where Kyle and Cartman were getting along

[@zaheerahala3796]

Sadly, it didn't last--

[@thedestroyer344]

@@zaheerahala3796 yeah...

[@eshswam]

​@@thedestroyer344 YOU WERE SLIPPING THESE IN YOUR ASS CARTMAN!!!!??!?

[@edra2005]

Those two should just screw and get it over with

[@bitumenroad4648]

As soon as Kyle complimented the burgers , I knew exactly where this episode was going 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@stephenking5852]

They almost became friends over burgers.

[@ComicalRealm]

I bet that's what pissed off fast food employees do as well. Except that they let the burgers 'marinate' for longer

[@TheKnowledgeGateway498]

They put it in back and then front.

[@amd3748]

its supposed to be a joke😀

[@Justin-pe9cl]

Jash Alwal grow a thicker skin you nazi.

[@tatotaytoman5934]

@@jashalwal1317 god imagine being offended by a goddam picture on a youtube comment when it isnt even a real picture of trump you weak fuck

[@leahcrosby3991]

They only do that for people who use Yelp lol

[@justinw7323]

I just literally had hamburgers then this gets uploaded.

[@ghostingxliars]

lol

[@user-td2vk3jf2x]

Good thing it was it was after and not before lol

[@HogartHughes]

I had a quarter pounder earlier for lunch. It sucked

[@AdrianColley]

You're ready for your vaccine booster, then.

[@michaelalf396]

Hey other goku beerus:he’s from the 4multiverse

[@flexermc4333]

0:32 "Oh Whut!?" hahahaha

[@user-td2vk3jf2x]

Ohwut?!

[@TheEddieStilson]

I love how he’s just casually singing Neil Diamond while he’s cooking 🤣

[@VoiceOfTheEmperor]

I have Aspergers Syndrome. This episode physically hurt me. I almost got a hernia from laughter!

[@WednesdayAddamsMW]

You had me in the first half; not gonna lie.

[@VoiceOfTheEmperor]

​@@WednesdayAddamsMW Thank you. I'm in utter agony with my feet. It was a long day at work today and I'm going to have an edible and then go to bed.

[@agent_w.]

"why are there hamburgers in your underwear" that sounds like the line to a weird fe.t.i.sh p@#no

[@Suvrat11]

Randy Marsh would know about that

[@majora919]

no? wtf kinda stuff you watching dude

[@_anthrax101_5]

are you speaking in fucking code

[@_anthrax101_5]

@Goodbye Forever Damn, that kinda fuckin' sucks ass. I wish KZbin could let me swear...

[@_anthrax101_5]

@Goodbye Forever Oh well now i just feel bad

[@keyanawhitely7942]

The nurse office scene always cracks me up 😄

[@YounGQuanYT]

Kids gone try this after they get the covid vaccine

[@jc_9609]

They gonna hide corona beer in their pants😂

[@psychxmania]

@@jc_9609 LMFAO FR

[@Tombola1993]

Even though I’m autistic, formerly “aspergers” in the case of me being high-function, I don’t feel offended by the title at all. I find it quite funny and I do see the funny side of it. It’s because I literally what I thought aspergers was when I was a kid.

[@polycube868]

Ha ha

[@henkaistudio]

I have High Functioning Autism I can truly can relate to this.

[@elperrodelautumo7511]

Same. Autistic too.

[@nuclearcatbaby1131]

I found out what Asperger’s was at nine or ten years old when I read the book that my dad had about my condition.

[@VoiceOfTheEmperor]

Bro. I'm in the same boat with you. I was laughing like the fucking Joker!

[@lmn6440]

South Park. We need you to stand up for freedom of speech against the tech companies. I remember when I first watched the cartoon wars episode this educated me as to why freedom of speech is the most important political value ever. Come on South Park! The world needs you!

[@juliorobinson5386]

Now more then ever

[@markshulman3150]

trey and matt would clown crybabies like you for looking at issues from this weird faux-pro-freedom of speech position. get a grip and get real.

[@lmn6440]

​@@markshulman3150 Cartoon Wars

[@johnlemon874]

cringe

[@Roloki454]

“Those two should just screw and get it over with” “Yeeeah” That’s any fandom when two characters interact with each other

[@TheDigitalslayer]

Might as well call them… Crappy Patties.

[@rocky0982]

Just hearing cartman's voice cracks me up 😂

[@AxisChurchDevotee]

For all the smart things Cartman can do, he didn't stop to look up the symptoms of Aspergers?

[@royalpain9281]

Meh he’s Cartman can you blame him?

[@moustachio334]

This was before Cartman was a computer whiz lol

[@henkaistudio]

Asperger Syndrome is just a form of Autism and it’s High Functioning Autism and High Functioning Autism and Asperger Syndrome are very relatable towards each other too.

[@paullangland6877]

Well to be fair, Cartman actually thought Kyle said Ass Burgers hence why he went through with the joke.

[@LeoandJay]

No one thought Cartman would be stupid enough to pile hamburgers in his underwear and call it Aspergers.

[@JustAGuyProduction]

Anything to get out of school. Going to school sucks.

[@skeltonslay8er781]

You mean hell

[@tatotaytoman5934]

@@skeltonslay8er781 prison, i mean for fucks sake some have spiked fences and barbed wire

[@Hewhowalksbehindtherows]

As a person with this disorder, I find this hilarious.

[@nobodyr1562]

What is it like?

[@mellowgeekstudio]

It's awesome. Also Stan is super relatable in both if these episodes.

[@blackkakari]

@S D So you poop hamburgers?

[@chramirez2]

Same! This is my favorite episode

[@makkerfelix]

do you have a sharp pain in your buns?

[@flexermc4333]

Him singing at the beginning messed me up.

[@SeyaDiakite7]

cartman and kyle's scene was adorable

[@atas2561]

As a person with mild aspergers, this is funny😂😂😂

[@Rkay421]

“Those two should just screw and get it over with” “Yeahhh” The way he says yeah is hilarious

[@ahawdjkmwodjikma6543]

this episode is how i found out i have aspergers lmao. i was watching it as a kid and my mum just casually pointed out to me that i have a diagnosis, didn’t even realise i was ever diagnosed to begin with until then.

[@kyunikoi]

It's great that in another episode cartman is throwing a tantrum about how he was left to starve and was eating a bottle of nutella. Yet in this episode shows he's entirely capable of not only cooking for himself, but cooking delicious food

[@edra2005]

He just doesn't want his mom to work 😂

[@Animebrity.]

Cartman is the only child character who knows how to cook

[@6t76t]

I'm guessing Liane has taught him some recipes so he can make some himself.

[@pikachuchujelly7628]

Yeah, farting onto the burgers enhances the flavour.

[@moosequeen]

Lol I love how happy cartman is to be approved by kyle

[@RC_Gaming_306]

Is it weird I’m craving for hamburgers after seeing this

[@VoiceOfTheEmperor]

Nope. Me too.

[@Adam-bw5nz]

As someone who has aspergers, I laughed so hard at the part when Cartman says "oh my God, you saying I got ASS BURGERS"😂😂😂😂

[@RsLv-ki2ld]

I've watched this episode over and over again

[@chramirez2]

Same

[@-Teca-]

The part where those two kids just out of nowhere say that Kyle and Wendy should just screw and get it over with is just so bizarre

[@williamdaviddiazcuchimaque7511]

Y tan genial

[@Drycatss]

ive got aspergers and i could infinitely rewatch this episode

[@superhenrybrother7359]

0:59 Love when Wendy is worry about Stan

[@Keyblind]

The delivery of "my buns theres a sharp pain in my buns" is so much funnier than it should be

[@Kyleplaysgames567]

I'm surprised Cartman knows how to cook for himself.

[@jaohonaxa]

Man Kyle really was just gonna cut his best friend loose because he was depressed.

[@davecullins1606]

It gets really annoying when you've had to put up with the negative attitude that comes from it for years. I shamelessly stop trying to get a girl as my girlfriend if I find out she's depressed. I'm NOT going through years of being around someone with an eternal negative and hopeless attitude again. Just _try_ staying positive for *years* around that.

[@kylebroflovski7419]

I had too..

[@mimib5913]

@@davecullins1606 its "annoying?" Jesus, aren't you a treat. Those girls really dodged a bullet.

[@davecullins1606]

@@mimib5913 Bet they'll be happy to have you - don't come back when you have found out I was right.

[@LezSpringfield]

Did you watch the whole episode

[@zoddai5950]

Nobody ever thought that cartman would do something to the burgers

[@Suarez05]

at least cartman and kyle finally settled their "Beef" LOL!

[@BeegDongLeFleur]

"Gee, thanks Kahl!" Cartman actually liking Kyle's idea.😆

[@carsonfromstatefarm4248]

Best South Park episode of all time

[@myhairyballs]

i have aspergers and this is the funniest shit ever

[@ImTheDogeKing]

And so began the beginning of cartman burger

[@visualknightmare6662]

I was diagnosed with aspergers as a kid but I thought that joke has really funny even today I still laugh at that pun.

[@gregoryshortale]

To be fair, we would all try to dip out on school after being with the same teacher for like 15-20 years

[@benatraneweckd3553]

Ngl the fact that everyone (the youth, really) online is now self diagnosed and "on the spectrum" this, like many other episodes of South park, was almost prophetic.

[@SweatherSniper]

2:04 Why does Kyle sound like Butters when he says "money with these!"?

[@kamalindsey]

"is this a hamburger" "a _whuat??_ " Lmfao

[@Vic-se1fz]

I'm autistic and I find this hilarious.

[@laqundrabarnett4141]

Same

[@goromajima889]

Tbh I’m surprised cartman didn’t lose his shit when Kyle just took a burger then took another one and gave it to some random girl

[@Fauntleroy.]

CARTMAN IS THE CUTEST EVER!!!

[@kennyMcCormick602]

I can't agree more :)

[@thecommie9992]

He's pretty cute for being...... *Quite the Hell spawn* but I agree

[@baburaoganpatraoaapte4011]

Cartman and cute 🤮

[@Corbra_]

I have Asperger’s and I found this episode to be hilarious

[@lambsauce149]

Thanks for giving hours of entertainment

[@DarthCarnage-rw4jz]

The last thing Kyle said to cartman at the end of this video is probably the nicest thing he has said to him for a long time

[@The_Primary_Axiom]

Those dang Covid vaccines. Now I have ass burgers.

[@robertmugnomain]

I feel bad for Stan and Wendy in this episode

[@CrossoverFan4life]

Me too. Stan for obvious reasons. Wendy well, she just wants to help Stan and apart from Sharon is the only person who wants to help, maybe to make up for Stans depression he had when she broke up with him in Raisins.

[@flippy101mph9]

Cartman actually doing something PRODUCTIVE

[@modernmusic52]

when i was first diagnosed my dad called it ass burgers or ass boogers. i had no idea they did an episode like this, its hilarious 😂

[@Malik8Khan]

As someone with aspergers, this is 100% true. I was 10 and burgers started growing on my asscheeks after I got diagnosed, it was painful. It usually lasts for about a year and then the symptoms go away

[@gabrielagustinhomas]

Hah hah, so South Park's "ass burgers" are like the alternate universe of SpongeBob's Krabby Patties.

[@goregalore40]

How can a 9-year-old cook and sing better than me?

[@BeRich101]

Some best friend he is! He just gave up on his friend!

[@ThePowerpuffHotline]

Ass Burgers, that's an interesting name for a South Park episode

[@akimboslice9867]

Im still convinced those nerds got rid of the name Aspergers cause of Matt & Trey. Its just so fucking funny

[@TheHornyWhiteWolf]

As someone with Asperger's, I find this hilarious

[@cjplayz9387]

1:49 The way he said "Mm! Wow!" Was actually kinda cute..

[@jamesbolte8677]

Funniest line ever Oh my God, I have Ass Burgers?!

[@moeenuddin6467]

So much for being Stan's best friend, Kyle. He basically told Wendy, Stan can go k himself for all he cares.

[@Kosovar_Chicken]

This episode exposed to me the great song Landslide as a child n I am grateful for that

[@wesleydraves1281]

Just having Asperger’s makes this even more funny

[@Interceptor810]

when Kyle finds out about Cartmans 'secret ingredient'

[@chramirez2]

I've been waiting for South Park studios to upload something from this episode my favorite episode of all time!

[@sar6440]

Cartman burgers vs Mrbeast burgers

[@Itsscottstudios]

This joke had not and will not age a day! 😂

[@michaelsegal3558]

I actually do have Asperger‘s and I found this quite amusing haha is it just me or is older South Park better than new South Park the only thing I like better about newer South Park is Kenny doesn’t get killed as much but other than that older South Park is better

[@adrianvazquez4633]

The school nurse didn’t give Cartman an ice pack this time

[@dnmstarsi]

Gotta say, it sucks seeing Kyle give up on Stan when Stan didn't give up on him when he was dying in the good old days.

[@moeenuddin6467]

Not only that, he basically told Wendy that Stan can go k ll himself and he will be fine with it.

[@AdrianColley]

I like the way the kid at 1:15 says "yeahhh".

[@elbarto9657]

As a person with actual aspergers I'll say that that actually does happen sometimes

[@TheWaynelds]

Plot twist: I haven’t gone poopies yet today :-(

[@piguelmonce9937]

Those creepy hallway kids are funny

[@ray-0249]

2:02 His ass juice 💀😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@BlueJourney2719]

I love how everyone has been eating Cartman's a** the entire time.

[@astrobear8629]

I remember watch this at 7 years old

[@samsepiol05590]

“GEE THANKS KYLE! :D”

[@user-ip5et8su8l]

This episode make me cry

[@abu4457]

Which season and episode?

[@kennyMcCormick602]

You guys should make an episode on the kfconsole and more on the pandemic special or include the kfconsole In

[@HogartHughes]

That’s a great idea

[@Dclxvi6x3]

I feel his pain. I accidentally sat on my burger once 😞

[@vBDKv]

Some episodes are just legend. This is one of them haha 🤣

[@JB-kx1he]

A McDonald's burger commercial played before this video lol

[@nexus5253]

He really should have double checked how it’s spelled before trying this plan. Sure we wouldn’t have the joke but he wouldn’t have had to go to school or “skewl” as he call it.