Catie Turner - God Must Hate Me (Live at St. Ann's Church)

[@arrow0111]

The fact that we all interpret this song differently but all feel the same grief and heavy emotions is insane

[@jasminew8715]

YES YES YES you put into words exactly what I was thinking

[@isaacmorris4932]

yes it’s so crazy. I went to the comments to see how everyone felt while listening and it was completely different than my feelings which blew me away. I loved it though because it brought up all the valid topics it could’ve.

[@halowithguns]

"Music is how feelings sound" that's on a necklace I was gifted

[@bishopvida]

no insanity would be the fact that we expect something different

[@pluribus3362]

@@bishopvida You are correct. Art is subjective. Humans are not a hive mind, no matter the amount of mob mentality.

[@tabaxi]

this really is the anthem for kids who grew up 'ugly,' or at least were treated like it. this hits, catie

[@oliviaashley-smith2911]

I don’t think I’ve ever related so much, to a single song. Ever. And I don’t mean that lightly. I was brought up religious and always asked why God made me so damn awfully. It says all my thoughts at 12 years old. Still 12 years later, the feeling is so comfortable because I felt it for so long. This song is comforting.

[@BlueIceWinter1114]

When I was little, like early elementary, I used to draw pictures and put them under my pillow and pray when I woke up I’d look as pretty as the people in my pictures 😭, they obviously weren’t masterpieces cause I was like 7 but I hated my appearance that bad that I wanted to be someone else and look different, breaks my little childhood heart to think about

[@aanyapagaria]

@@BlueIceWinter1114 hun are you okay? and no matter what anyone says you're beautiful to me 🤍

[@BlueIceWinter1114]

@@aanyapagaria thank you! I am doing better now, you're comment really made my night though I really appreciate it!

[@aanyapagaria]

@@BlueIceWinter1114 I'm really glad that you're doing better!

[@mongayakai]

I struggle with body dismorphia, gender disphoria, and religious trauma. This song resonates with me deeply.

[@nixpixl442]

Same here. Glad I’m not in this alone, take care of urself💚

[@revy399]

Fuck same😃

[@lukewarmluka3678]

Same, I come from a mormon family. I just want to be happy. I would probably go again. But they force me which makes me hate it so much.

[@JennKaye5]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/rnnSYnpjgbpqga8

[@revy399]

@@JennKaye5 ?

[@calebkeithley]

religious trauma is so so so real. THANK YOU catie for discussing this in such an emotional masterpiece that resonates with me word by word. incredibly proud to see you finally get the recognition you deserve.

[@lunairis3085]

I've been avoiding just look at this video for while. The fear is true man kkkkk

[@thatonemusickid08]

Yes I'm an on binary and I grew up in the church and I still kind of go to church so every week I try to pray the day out of me but it never comes out

[@thornsx5257]

yes, my father's half of the family is religious along with my grandfather (mother's father) half is also religious so i go to church and there are certain things i cannot discuss there and certain things i can when i pray or when i do not. I mainly just do music there now. What she made is truly a masterpiece and i understand it very well.

[@nicholassinggih6678]

When we are focused on ourselves, our own unmet expectations, then we will feel that we are very miserable. This is self-pity that is caused by selfishness (in the sense that we are focused on the self, and forgetting the truth, the real world out there). Then it's easy to blame others, to blame God. But easy never gets us anywhere. Look around, think hard and realise that there are hundreds of millions of people out there whose body is in much worse condition than yours, and they can't even think that they struggle with body dismorphia because they're struggling with famine and lack of clean water. The truth is, if you're not worried about food, clothes and having a warm bed at night, then you're definitely very very lucky. God loves all of us in a way that we cannot understand. When we feel miserable it is because we refuse to see the bigger picture, we refuse to let go of our own perspective, our own expectations, our own self-image. It's always about me me me, but once you go out and listen to other people suffering different kinds of ordeals, then you would understand. We are made to love one another. Only our own misperception that makes us miserable, not God, who has given us so much.

[@priscillavictor7458]

@caleb Keithley This song is in no way about religious trauma What are you saying?? Do you even know what religious trauma is? Or you don't know the song's lyrics

[@Orangenkraft]

Damn, that you still sound like you're breaking down singing this after now probably having sung it dozens of times shows how personal this song is to you

[@Memo_nya]

we have beef with god

[@miriam4860]

I think tha she is breaking down singing this.. you can hear that in her voice

[@emmaboswell5581]

There was a behind the scenes vid where she actually did have a breakdown in the middle of filming this

[@Matthew-LAMF]

@@emmaboswell5581 do you know where I can find it?

[@emmaboswell5581]

@@Matthew-LAMF I think it is on her channel

[@MariaLopez-dd8sr]

I don't think this song is relatable only to people who grew up in a Cristian toxic environment, this is an anthem for everyone, everyone who everyday think that they are not enough, who struggle with self love and self acceptance, who hate themselves for what they do to themselves, and feel helpless because of that, but at the same time they don't know what to do, how to "fix" themselves, they feel frustrated and tired of trying to simply live everyday in a body they can't stand, trying to live everyday with themselves.... That's why, the last option they have is to blame God, blame their reason of creation, blame their imperfect existence. And, honestly, I can't blame them for doing it, because I do the same exact thing....

[@fromweirdobonawithlove1426]

THIS

[@Denisa242]

THIS

[@mdawg3318]

fr

[@kawaiibunnbunn]

explained it so well, THANK YOU!

[@Nowitsmeira]

We all have the same situation

[@bgibson174]

The irony of singing “god must hate me” in a church, love it 👏🏼 👏🏼

[@jordi1748]

Aw damn you’re right I doubt she thought abt that

[@browniiex]

@@jordi1748 it was on purpose.

[@Aharity-uwu]

That's bullshit ngl

[@jamiekarina]

@@Aharity-uwu What do you mean?

[@whydowehaveuserhandlesnow]

it's incredibly disrespectful. People got mad at the Christian version of this song because it was disrespectful to people with religious trauma, yet yall are okay with her being disrespectful to Christianity. I'm not against the song itself, just show some respect.

[@wonderlandlegion6926]

I'm crying, her emotion and voice is so raw you can feel it. Even see it. I want to give her such a huge hug :'(. This song hit personally for me being I have religious trauma. Even though I'm healing and growing through spirituality, this just takes me back to how I felt and got treated to make me feel such a way. I'm sorry to anyone who understands this song. You are not alone. Once again I am sorry because it is not easy to feel such a way. Big warm hugs for you all.

[@wonderlandlegion6926]

One more thing I want to add, she is so strong to be singing in a church while being so vulnerable. It is like when a person who was abused by someone is brought around them. Being someone who has been sexually assaulted I get that vibe from this video. She is so strong to have gone to a place that is part of her trauma. I give my heart for that because I know how it feels. When I had to see my abusers it was a different type of pain I never felt before. Hurts a lot.

[@Matthew-LAMF]

I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'm an ex-Pentecostal Christian and suffer trauma from it as well. I can't stop listening to this song, it speaks directly to my soul.

[@dazzlinggene]

This version is even more heartbreaking if that’s possible. Religion can really hurt you deeply and that’s the horrible part

[@SlidIy]

Religion is so complicated, I sometimes want to escape it and sometimes I don't, I am so confused 💀

[@I_NSOMNIAC]

@Hannah Brown this is not the place to preach your PERSONAL beliefs. This song is about religious trauma and many people are using this comment section to talk about their experiences with religious trauma, and seeing comments like yours can be harmful. Not to mention that it could upset people who don’t follow your religion, I’m personally a pagan and I don’t like seeing people talking about their religion in a place that isn’t appropriate for it (such as a comment section for a song about religious trauma). There is a time and place to talk about your beliefs and this is not one of them.

[@I_NSOMNIAC]

@Hannah Brown and that’s not mentioning how corrupt most religious systems are, ESPECIALLY the Christian or Catholic Church.

[@trashgoblin1182]

@Hannah Brown I think their point is that it's highly inappropriate to talk about how great God is in a comment section full of people deeply and permanently hurt or traumatized by Christianity specifically. Like, there's a time and place to spread your beliefs, and to a bunch of people hurting because of those beliefs wouldn't be the time or place. Nobody is saying you *can't* comment about it, they pointed out why it wouldn't be a great idea to do so. 'Can' is not the same as 'should' Obviously you can't know everyone's triggers, but it feels pretty clear in this context? The song is about religious trauma, the comments are also primarily about that, it's just common courtesy not to try and push the thing hurting people back onto them unprompted. And your first comment doesn't seem to hit the mark for most people. The belief of this great, loving, God being there and able to do anything still letting me go through so much pain for no real reason damaged me. The belief of God itself harmed me because I believed he was all powerful and could perform these miracles, and I just wasn't getting my miracle because I didn't deserve it. The church itself had very little to do with my trauma. Obviously I'm not everyone, but stories like mine shouldn't be dismissed as "It was the church's fault"

[@andrewdoesguard]

@Hannah Brown as a gay boy who is growing up in a Christian household I can tell you it’s both I’ve had times where I’ve thought “hey maybe that pastor is right those who are gay should burn in hell” or “yea that’s what the Bible says so it’s true” but yet I now know the true meaning I’m still going to church cause I’m forced to but personally I believe in Greek gods more since for me I have no hurtful feelings toward them. They don’t have a scripture saying men shal not sleep with men hell they don’t have scripture at all. This song is a song people listen to when their down. And you are putting people down. Somehow your here to a song “god must hate me” so im thinking you believe this too if so I’m sorry. Now have a good day

[@joshuaanthonycambell1864]

“If Jesus died for all our sins, he left one behind, the body I’m in” 😭😭😭😭

[@PureBlackDragon]

Intensity through lyrics is clear proof that words are magic. This girl is a gorram wizard.

[@gabemelber5875]

Seeing it raw and no auto tune makes it hit so much harder, this is one of my favorite versions of your song it’s so great and just resonates with me so much.

[@courtneyscraziness]

THESE VISUALS ARE SO POWERFUL

[@courtneyscraziness]

These anglesss

[@courtneyscraziness]

OVERALL SO BEAUTIFUL!

[@bellabreene6507]

The setting is so powerful. Watching her break down while singing about how god hates her in a massive church is artistic genius and I have chills

[@drielepaim704]

The thing here is that she’s (catie) singing this with so much emotion and sorrow but she’s so beautiful. So pretty. That just goes to show that we’re all too self critical, we blame ourselves for everything and overwhelm our bodies. We’re all beautiful. Even if we don’t feel like it (at all.).

[@kaidarnold6520]

The fact that Catie went INSIDE of a church to sing such a personal song in which so many of us can relate to goes to show you her bravery. I couldn’t ever imagine stepping into a church and doing something so vulnerable. Absolutely exquisite ❤️ every time I hear you sing this song I cry. It helps me remind myself that I’m not alone ❤️❤️

[@itsbelledivine]

Ironically, it’s the perfect place to be honest. Really, anywhere is because God is everywhere. (Reason for doing so is Jesus crying blood and telling God how He really felt so I figured, if Jesus did it, so can I)

[@andrewdoesguard]

@@itsbelledivine babes let’s not

[@voyohoyo716]

whys the word vulnerable in your comment

[@kaidarnold6520]

@@voyohoyo716 because it's a very personal moment. If you don't understand, then you don't know what it's like to have religious trauma lol.

[@kaidarnold6520]

@@itsbelledivine a lot of us with religious trauma can't step foot in a church anymore due to personal reasons. So, sadly, it isn't the perfect place. Also, church isn't a holy site. People refer to church as "Gods house", but it really isn't. Intermediate level Christian Studies courses will teach you this in college haha. So, in the point I brought up; for some people church isn't a safe space anymore. So no, it isn't the perfect place.

[@okayasher]

this being performed at church, an environment that pulled me into deep doubts of my life. a place where i fought to feel the faith that everyone else did, it’s so heartbreaking and brave. thank you

[@damn4986]

LYRICS Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me" 'Cause he spent so much time on them and for me, he got lazy Got ample mental illness personality flaws While their only flaw seems to be is that they have none at all Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me" I'll let them take accountability For everything that's wrong with me Can't hold myself responsible So I blame the metaphysical If Jesus died for all our sins He left one behind the body I'm in Same hands that made the moon and the stars Got carpal tunnel and forgot some parts I don't know what I believe But it's easier to think He made a mistake with me Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, they got lucky" The craftsmanship of their bones, their brain, and their body When I look into the mirror for too long it hurts They don't track how many steps it takes to burn off dessert Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, they got lucky" I'll let 'em take accountability For everything that's wrong with me Can't hold myself responsible So I'll blame the metaphysical If Jesus died for all our sins He left one behind the body I'm in Same hands that made the moon and the stars Got carpal tunnel and forgot some parts I don't know what I believe But it's easier to think He made a mistake with me Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me" 'Cause he spent so much time on them and for me, he got lazy

[@hinhkinh4820]

I don't understand the sentence "GOT CARPAL TUNNEL AND FORGOT SOME PARTS". Can you explain it to me? Thank you ❤️

[@caitlinlynch7942]

Hinh Kình carpal tunnel affects the way your joints move in your hands so it is saying that the same hands that did all these amazing things failed her

[@hinhkinh4820]

@@caitlinlynch7942 it's hard for me to understand cause i'm not good at English. Thank you so much ❤️

[@nechma13]

@@hinhkinh4820 related to carpel tunnel i injured my wrist, and basically have on and off carpel tunnel. Genetically my pinkie is about an inch shorter than it's supposed to be, it's like age 8 bone wise my hand is like bone age 20. Genetically is something you are born with and get from your parents. Carpel tunnel and other bone things can come from parents. The lyric was hands and wrists are used often to write, writing the song for instance is beautiful. But the hand still feels pain and has issues because of carpel tunnel.

[@mauili2819]

Once her voice started to break down 🥺 Ugh I just want to give her a hug

[@SlidIy]

Christian or not, this resonates with all of us who struggle with body dysmorphia.

[@Matthew-LAMF]

Mental illness in general it captures.

[@potatogorl2471]

Honestly I don't really struggle with my view of my looks or body but I still resonate with this song bc of my emotional and personal problems.

[@janynda]

I remember crying and praying hard for God to make me beautiful or at least let me die. I've felt this way since I was a child and I never thought that other people felt this way too, it's bizarre. Sometimes I feel angry with him

[@EL-bo7kj]

"The craftsmenship of their bones, their brain and their body" ...this hits when you have chronic illness and brain damage

[@clarissadiokno]

The cry and the pain in your voice is so beautifully sad and magical. Your songwriting and melodies are just incredible. You inspire me.

[@kassandra818]

I was raised in the church but still never felt accepted. this song makes me cry every time. I can feel every emotion in her words. to this day I still struggle with unlearning my religion and processing my “spiritual deconstruction”.

[@pearlsigua2754]

Wishing u the best. Whoever u are i accept u :)

[@Stylesss11]

This is so sad,I could just hear her voice breaking up. “If Jesus died for our sins he left one behind the body I’m in” that hits hard

[@arianachickenjoy2689]

the emotions i feel just from the way she sings those words… i’m religious and love God but i hate that so many people have felt like they weren’t enough because of the religious communities that do the opposite of what God wants them to do. Religious or not, you are loved, you are worthy of life, and you are enough, even if people tell you otherwise.

[@jeezz07]

Wow...everyone talks about religious traumas etc. But nobody talks about those of us who are believers and sometimes we feel as if God hates us...Thank you Catie for this jewel...

[@idcntunderstand9991]

YES

[@claudial3875]

Isnt that also religious trauma?

[@honestreflections5541]

@@claudial3875 No, they aren’t traumatized by the religion. Doubting someone’s love doesn’t mean you’re traumatized.

[@fauna6332]

this is raw and the lyrics are heartbreaking, it being sung in the church just amplified it's pain and beauty, I love how your voice changes towards the end, makes it so personal

[@emmasclafani8237]

full body chills. wasn’t expecting it to be so raw but wow

[@ravenwave1946]

I was raised Pagan by a mother who made sure I felt very safe and strong in my religion, but growing up surrounded by peers who viewed me as "different" took its toll on me. When I started dating and having friends in Highschool it always became a flaw that they would try to "fix". I had Boyfriends find and Burn my tarot cards and Grimoires, friends who would force me to go to Church with them, and eventually it made me second guess and question the very thing I had believed so strongly growing up. I did eventually grow stronger in myself and the person I am, but it took marrying someone who accepted me and my religion, the juxtaposition between my husband, who bought me a replacement grimoire two years after my ex had burned my original, and the people who tried to ruin me religiously eventually taught me that I was not the problem, intolerance was.

[@brockm02]

2:10 made me feel goosebumps like I've never felt before...

[@fernandocasas4985]

Man looks on the outward appearance but Gods looks at the heart. He loves you Catie 🤍

[@allforYAHUAH]

Amen 🙏

[@ceciliamontano6105]

This comment deserves so much more likes💕💕

[@graceful.addison]

you’re amazing holy shit dude

[@peacefulleo9477]

Ahhh hello addie boi didn't expect you here, this song do be a heartbreaking bop😭😭

[@peacefulleo9477]

Maybe you should do a similar thing with Sobriety, I saw you sing it live once, and your performence is so emotional you can 100% pull off a "breakdown" performance like this, I already know I'd cry a ton

[@onlyonekoa24]

Hi Addie! This song has me having a meltdown at 2 am rn. I think I'm gonna need to listen to honeysuckle a few times so I don't fall asleep on such a sad note 😅

[@peacefulleo9477]

@@onlyonekoa24 honeysuckle is the ultimate happy soft vibes song

[@thornsx5257]

yes, 100%

[@sarahohmann7358]

This is the first song that really clicked with me, how I feel and think about me and others. I can't thank her enough for creating this masterpiece!

[@n4musica]

Based on your picture, I can tell you’re an ARMY. (I think… that’s Jin right? 👀😂) Do you remember that press conference where RM talked about how he started telling himself “I love myself” in the mirror everyday until he started to actually believe it? 2 years ago, after being tired of hating myself for 25 years and literally thinking the same lyrics “Wow… God must hate me”, I forced myself to say outloud “Wow, I’m beautiful.” Everyday even if it made me cry because I didn’t believe it. I said it anyway. Fast forward to a few months later, I started to actually feel beautiful, then the confidence set in, then a new love for fashion happened that never existed before. Now my dating life is better and more healthy. Do it! Tell yourself what ever insecurity you have is not true. It works!

[@sarahohmann7358]

@@n4musica I will try, thanks for the encouragement!!

[@jellybean4234]

It's extremely devastating that this song resonates to us in a similar yet different way.

[@THESECURITYSERGEANT]

I’m almost 40, a grown man, army veteran, father and husband. This made me feel like the insecure, heartbroken child I was growing up. I didn’t cry, but I definitely got misty and choked up. *gasp* 🥵 ❤️

[@leeny03cosens38]

This song is so true. Being someone who grew up in the faith, I have heard so many contradictory things. God doesn't make mistakes (unless you have anxiety, depression, a sexual orientation other than straight, a religious idea other than Christian, are not middle class, cannot give up 10% of your wages, etc.). You must pay for your sins. Your sins are fully paid for through Jesus Christ. You have no need to feel guilty anymore. We must bare the guilt of the World for they have turned away. I am still a believer, but I still struggle with many things, and I believe more fully in a direct relationship with the holly trinity through prayer and using the bible as a reference guide. Catie is never alone and I hope that she feels this. She is beautiful, not just on the outside, but for her voice and her amazing lyrics. I now truly believe that God does not make any junk but that this world and Satan will do whatever he can to destroy perfect creations.

[@leeny03cosens38]

@Kirrily - remember the future I believe we are all created differently because, if we were all the same the world would be boring. I have gone through many struggles in my life. I believe it is because it will help me relate to struggles of my future students as a teacher. Some people say they could never be an elementary school teacher, well, I could never be a doctor, or a mechanic, or even a high school teacher.

[@leeny03cosens38]

@Kirrily - remember the future I agree. We are all entitled to our own views and beliefs. I have found mine in a mix of spiritualism, Indigenous beliefs, and namely Christianity. But others have been hurt by the church or other forms of religion, etc.

[@slowlymoody8012]

I’d like to see your answer on that Leeny

[@arekusandora7091]

@Kirrily - remember the future huh how does resonate with the music WTF ☠️ it wasn’t to apease himself it’s die for your sins but yes there will be judgement day and yes if you don’t repent sadly you will burn with The Devil but not in a good anyone think like a party nope .

[@KatAndTheMat]

Okay so I know this response is ridiculously long, so I 100% understand if you don't read it haha. Just know I'm not scolding you or anything like that, just trying to represent my faith in a way that is accurate to what I know and live by! ------------------------------------------ The fall of humanity was always going to occur because true love is a choice - had humanity never fallen, had we not been given free will, we would have never been able to express true love to God...we would have been forced into it, which is not true love. Adam and Eve are blamed for original sin because once they sinned that first time and had their eyes opened to the difference between good and evil, they doomed all of humanity bc they raised their kids with this knowledge, who raised their kids with that knowledge, and so forth. Imagine living in a world where we didn't know the difference between good and evil. We would be innocent, and the theory is that had we never been exposed to the idea of evil, it would have never occurred to us to do evil (or even just bad) things, as the words God spoke about humanity after He created us was that He saw that it was "good". Humans were good. God doesn't blame us living now for being born into a sinful world; however, He can blame us when we know better and still do wrong. It's also moreso that we punish ourselves the further away we are from God, as God is a symbol for all things that are Good in the universe, all things that are Compassionate. The further we let ourselves drift away from the good, patient, kind, faithful, loving, etc things of/in life, the worse off we will be. While some may say that the God portrayed in the Old Testament is anything but kind, I believe that that depiction is to show how far God will go to protect His people, and even correct His people when they get it wrong (aka accountability). He tried to guide His people multiple times in the Old Testament, and multiple times they thought they knew better and went off script. Every single time they went off script, something bad happened to them. I don't know if I believe it was God punishing them per se. I think it was that once people stopped listening to God, they opened themselves up to things that could actually hurt them. God was trying to prevent that, as a loving father would if he were to see his children making bad decisions. But again, you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and God made it explicitly clear that bad things happen when ppl do bad things. Essentially, anyone who isn't for the Good is against the Good. There is also the idea that sometimes God allows bad things to happen to us to help us grow spiritually. For instance, I went through a terrible experience with my health where I was bedbound for two and a half years in some of the worst pain imaginable. My body was covered with rashes, and I looked like a burn victim. I couldn't live my life at all; in fact, I didn't even feel like I was living in any world but my own for some time, because disabled people often feel forgotten by the world. However, during this time I was able to think about what kind of person I wanted to be. I was able to assess my life and discover what was important to me. Before getting sick and for some time in the middle of it all, I constantly struggled with suicidal thoughts; eventually I got to a point where I decided that I was not leaving this planet until God Himself plucks me off of it. If I could go through that amount of pain and still not die, then God must have a purpose for me, and that pain was essential to shaping a part of me that will be necessary to have with me for the rest of my life as I fulfill that purpose. I don't know if I would have reached that conclusion had I not been through what I went through. I had to see rock bottom to figure it out. This is, of course, my experience, and not everyone who goes through severe traumatic experiences may feel the same. God also doesn't hide Himself, He is literally everywhere, functioning behind every good feeling and act rooted in compassion and selflessness. He functions as a Spirit as well, not just the "sky daddy" people who aren't Christians like to refer to Him as. The three days that Jesus suffered through wasn't just him being crucified; his body took on the weight of an eternity's worth of sins, pain, and heartache. The stress was so immense on his physical form that He wept blood and grew mentally exhausted, begging God to make his sacrifice happen any other way if it were possible. I don't know if I'd boil that down to being equivalent to a "bad weekend", but having your friends deny that they know you to everyone, being accused of blasphemy and treason by the government, and then being tortured and crucified to the point where your dead body was physically unrecognizable isn't a normal weekend occurrence for many people. Not to mention the part where he went to hell, and then came back, visited his friends to show them what their new bodies would look like, and then literally ascended into the Heavens having conquered the last major fear that many Christians were hung up on: death. And why? Because God wants us to live our lives without fear, including the fear of death. Any bad thing that occurs in this world is because God loves us enough to give us a choice. Some people make horrible decisions, and others pay the price for them. Sure, he could keep us locked away in a tower, but imagine if your parents did that to you. You'd be traumatized either way, unable to live freely. Giving us the freedom to choose allows us a kind of freedom that proves to God and to ourselves what kind of human we want to be. We can choose to put our time and energy into selfish things that only serve ourselves and seek to bring us power and an ego trip at the expense of everyone else around us, or we can choose to spend our time learning how to truly love each other in the most honest way possible. I identify with Catie's song as I too have been bullied for my looks, but was that really God's fault? Or was that the beauty standards that our human society decides on, and keep changing every few years? God made each and every one of us beautiful in our own way; it is humanity that can't appreciate it any more than they can fully appreciate the good things life has to offer. I can stay rooted in my pain of not being the prettiest, or smartest, or most talented, or I can choose to spend my time thanking God that He has given me passions that make me happy, even if I'm not the best at them. Who said I have to be the best at all? WHY should I want to be the best, or even "good enough" by human standards? Because I want the recognition? I want the attention? When we're humble, we don't *need* any of that. We can just enjoy our lives, follow our intuition, and do the things that bring us spiritual fulfillment, like helping others. We can use our talents to bring joy to others rather than using them to gain recognition for ourselves. Of course, no one is "evil" for wanting attention or recognition. But I think it can lead to a feeling of unfulfillment in our lives, which is not optimal only as it creates pain for us. Basically, if we stop interpreting the Bible as "God is evil and he just wants to punish us for things that aren't our fault" and start interpreting it as "God is trying to protect us from a life of unbearable pain and instead encourages us to use our lives to love/help others," everything else in the Bible starts to make at least a little more sense as you can see it through a different lens than one of condemnation. We will undoubtedly go through hard times in our lives. The only difference is that those who go through it with God, with compassion for themselves and others, get through it a lot easier, because it all makes a bit more sense. Some may call people who believe in a higher power stupid or naïve, but I don't really think it's stupid or naïve to want to live a life that they can cope with in a positive way. To live a life that they feel has an important meaning beyond just "you live and then you die." However, to be fair, it IS stupid and naive to claim that you love God just for it to act as a "get out of hell free card" and then go about still bullying others or being super rude and unloving, as that's not what Christianity is supposed to be.

[@juliasanders6438]

the EMOTION!!!!! Religious trauma is a big deal most of us deal with and the challenge of growing up "ugly" to so many people and believing it about yourself

[@sapphirepayne2138]

The rawness of her singing made me cry. I've never felt a song could resonate with me so much

[@astridx7485]

I have BPD and OCD and living is hard. I struggle everyday, every little thing makes me want to quit trying, but I'll stay for songs, for emotions that only songs like this can give.

[@EstebanAgui]

Although I had a religious trauma as well, I think what really showed me that God instead of hate me, he really loves me; I understood that when I personally decided to draw near to him, and I was healed in ways that I could never explained it. Jesus really loves you and what he is doing in these times it’s to restore all those ones who were hurt by religion, having a truly encounter with the precious sacrifice of Jesus, so just open your heart to him he is waiting for you and let it go the pain, offenses and words that shattered you into the hands of God because he really loves you.

[@originalkitten]

This made me cry. I’m going through a tough time. Accidentally clicked on you and was 1 min from the premiere. Your words are so simple yet so profound. Thank you Catie x

[@Horseshowgirl96]

Oh, Catie, this song hit me so damn hard. I grew up in the Catholic Church, was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend who was a poster boy of good religious kid in the Baptist community of my small town, and then struggled with a lifetime genetic disease diagnosis, an additional assault, and then my sexuality. I’ve continuously carried the weight of “if he loved me why do I live like this?” “If he’s real what did I do to deserve all this pain?” This song hit me so hard. I’m not religious anymore. I’m more spiritual, believing instead in the earth and energy. The world of religious is vicious and judgmental. You are such an amazing artist who has truly touched my heart time and time again. Thank you for being in this world. I appreciate you and your art so much.

[@llonekou2841]

as a person that never felt loved nor accepted by someone, yeah such a masterpiece, i will forever cherish this song for it reflect my past traumas

[@goingghost66]

This is exactly how I'm feeling about myself and God right now. I don't know why he made me so bad and I keep yelling at the sky this is everything I am feeling put into music. Thank you for being so open and willing to share your pain with us. I think you are helping so many people.

[@hehehi9627]

he didn't made you bad, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I know that God does love us/you and that's not just me being nice. God will get you through this, praying for you ❤

[@goingghost66]

@@hehehi9627 thank you, my mental illness is really rough lately, God is my best friend don't get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like this song. It is just nice to have something I can sing when I'm sad, since music is a huge part of my therapy. :)

[@havenkeys4441]

I’m praying for you friend ❤️ I think a lot of us also have times like this and it sucks.. God is what has always helped me and He loves us so much.He didn’t make you bad ❤️ It will be painful but you will get through this. ❤️

[@hehehi9627]

@@goingghost66 ah i see, well you're not alone in that my friend i also relate, know that you can definitely bring your honesty to him, hope you're okay. ❤

[@EmmaKateNewlove]

The devil comes to lie steal and cheat, you are loved beyond measure, whatever you end up believing know you are loved.

[@nolanbrown9200]

Catie is my all time favorite artist. Her vulnerability in her music and the pure emotion she shows in all her songs hit down to my soul. We love you Catie ♥️

[@devinpeel969]

Me being an empath, I felt her raw emotions with this song stab into me like the sharpest knife in the universe. This song also really hits home for me and I tear up every time I listen to it ;-;

[@rue.8733]

I feel you

[@roselynn6753]

I’m Christian and I still feel like this all the time. I know God loves me and my faith has been helpful for me, but sometimes my OCD and depression tells me that I’m unworthy of God and my mental illness was a punishment for a sin I can’t remember.

[@bridget.jada44]

You can so see the pain that she is going through while singing this. I cannot blame her, the song has so much deep meaning behind it. Some of your stories in the comments, are so meaningful and relatable.

[@derekthedullard]

This is such a raw performance. Made me tear up.

[@PunchUp01]

Every religious zealot that criticizes others "in the name of God" needs to hear this...this is how you make people feel, you're religion is not legitimate.

[@carrifoote8065]

REAL Christianity is NOT toxic. It's when people add their own rules apart from having a relationship with God is when it's changed into something God never intended. Many who grow up in the Church but are on the outside looking in, do NOT understand the Gospel and are not saved. That is why they struggle with thinking they have to follow rules or be perfect for God to accept them. This just shows they were never real Christians. But when you surrender your life to Christ, becoming born again, that is when the Gospel comes alive to your understanding and transforms you from the inside out.

[@2000dns]

Yes! And understanding the gospel means to come to terms of repentance from our sin, and trust in Jesus Christ as our identity. He paid off the ultimate sin-debt. He became our penalty so we would be called clean. I think some sound theology and reading the Word for herself will help this girl out to renew her mind... to not feel bad about herself as a victim of God's "mistake" but to acknowledge that she's a sinner like us all and God can save and re-birth her. He has the power to move her through all struggles with His help and to be victorious over the devil.

[@mervinnemilitar6442]

I really feel safe with your songs Catie. There's this shitty phase of being a teenager that some may move on from it and some may not. Your songs are my safe haven. I've faced body shaming, they told me I was fat for almost a decade since I was a child and then I did lose weight and now they were telling me to gain some weight 'cause I look anorexic and too skinny and it doesn't suit me. I thought they'd stop handing out comments about my body but that was just me thinking. It was never enough for them, they will find any excuse just to humiliate me. I became body dysmorphic, there's this voice in my head that keeps on saying I look fat even I know that I'm thin enough to fit in the standards of the society. I really hate it how they made me turn into this. I fucking cry in the middle of the night thank you Catie for sharing your songs, they mean a lot to me.

[@nicolemillerdixon1678]

Hugs to you…..

[@pinkbunny4388]

Same... It sucks so much. I hate living like this

[@11renne]

this song just hits TOO hard

[@gabemelber5875]

Honestly

[@sophiagoodwin1977]

ugh can't wait to cry myself to sleep with this tonight

[@ecemyetisken7720]

Oh its night time in my country so dw i’ll be working on it.

[@jaymarisol1736]

Her singing this song in a church seems almost as if she wants God to prove her wrong. This song isn’t about “religious trauma”…it’s a cry to God in hopes that He will answer her. Jesus loves you, Catie! And I pray that you will experience just how much He does love you!

[@griffin1837]

when i’m feeling insecure, this song makes me feel so much better. i think it helps to know i’m not the only one with the same thoughts.

[@TheSdecker2]

Believe, that you are beautiful, just as you are. No mistakes. You're that person to someone else. . Because we never see ourselves the way God does. . You're beautiful in His eyes.. Just as you are.

[@jessicapaulin1173]

She just keeps proving that she is one of the best artist of all times.

[@Fauna565]

To anyone reading this comment I just want you to know that you are all fearfully and wonderfully made (David 139: part of verse 13 and 14.)God loves you so much that he died for you.

[@pennyleigh8782]

Carrie please it’s 7 am I really can’t cry this early. Absolutely beautiful.

[@mattwhelan6747]

This song displays how the enemy can get into someone’s mind with the goal of capturing their minds and eventually separating them from God. This life is traumatic and we all need Jesus to cleanse us from our sin and from the people who aren’t Jesus that can and do fail us. Trust Jesus to find true peace. He is the prince of peace.

[@allforYAHUAH]

Amen. Thank you for sharing this brother, it’s a much needed message.

[@lilostitch6608]

Having to survive through sever traumas and then being diagnosed with bpd and bipolar, makes *he got lazy * and *he made a mistake with me * so relatable

[@annelisesunwall]

This hit hard as someone who struggles with chronic illnesses that are stripping me of everything I thought my future would hold coupled with growing up in a strict religious household. Damn

[@clairegorham9441]

Holy moly YES CATIE the power move that is singing this in a CHURCH

[@Nowitsmeira]

For me as Muslim, I'm so comfortable staying in church . It's like how much respect i put on all religion by putting my god first. But religion nowadays fighting over each other which one is the best . When the reality god is one and always with us

[@whatagemstoneyouwere9222]

In church?

[@jessilawrence4458]

There's so many stories here of so many ways this song resonates with people. It's so raw and vulnerable, something heavily discouraged in a lot of religious spaces (sometimes unintentionally!). I'm dealing with sooo many pent up negative emotions from spirtually bypassing all of them while I was a devout christian growing up. And this was all while going through some big trauma and abuse, recently diagnosed with PTSD and I dont even know how to express emotions properly. To be constantly met with "Jesus loves you :)' and "just give it to God!" in moments of profound grief and pain and even worse, when speaking out about abuse, really stunts your emotional growth and that's something I wish was addressed more in churches. Of course if you are a christian you believe Jesus loves you. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel your emotions. And honestly, it's starting to feel like a cop out for people who don't know what to say in those moments. I am no longer religious, but I respect those that are and I truly truly hope people in those spaces learn to allow these emotions space to exist and to express them and talk about them rather than responding in platitudes or encouraging themselves to "let go" of things you simply CANT just let go of. To view mental illness as stumbling in your faith rather than a real illness that needs treatment is so incredibly dangerous. I was genuinely afraid to even sing along to this song, even as a grown woman who's gone through therapy and is far from those spaces because of the level of religious trauma I have that makes me terrified to speak in a way that people can misconstrue as blasphemy. Even though I don't even believe in it! The most hurtful and triggering words to me aren't outwardly mean or cruel. I can take intentionally rude comments. It's the invalidating platitudes that hit much harder and I know we all have different experiences, but I'm sure it's incredibly difficult for Catie to see so many of them in her TikTok comments and then of course the people who rewrote her song. Which makes this even more incredibly brave than it already was. And I have to say, finally belting out "if Jesus died for all our sins, he left one behind, the body Im in" was soooo cathartic and healing and helped me express emotions that I still find difficult. I didn't realize how much I really did want to say those words growing up and pushed them down because I thought it was bad to feel that way. I hope I'll someday be brave enough to do a cover, but I don't think Im ready for those types of comments, especially from people I know. Anyways, my heart goes out to everyone who is healing from religious trauma, body dysmorphia, PTSD, or whatever wound this song is nurturing for you specifically. It's all heavy as hell and Im right there with you. And thank you Catie for writing something so powerful and sharing it with all of us.

[@miaa1111]

If this is the only song you’ve heard of hers please please please check out her other music. I swear you won’t regret it.

[@ethanhendricks32]

Such a masterpiece, I felt every lyric to the core of me, I get so mad that talentless people are very famous and people like catie are scraping through yet making amazing songs like these, just beautiful, love you from South africa catie. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦

[@itsmelanegw]

This is so deeply cutting to the soul. It's so beautiful and tragic. The emotions you pour out are just unfathomable. Thank you for being you Catie and for gifting us all your talents.

[@pj.n6411]

The passion and emotion put into this song is astounding, it makes it ever more wonderful. Thank you

[@lucasgreenwaldt]

thank you for being so raw and vulnerable. your voice and your lyrics give me immediate chills.

[@starlightzz_]

when I found this song it automatically became one of my go to middle of the night karaoke songs, but after watching this it might have just became n° 1, that was beautiful

[@soundslikescifi]

woah can’t wait for this after seeing the preview on tiktok

[@missmosvegankitchen8238]

My gosh, you are some talented!! Religious trauma left me afraid to come out of the rainbow closet until I was in my 30s!! I'm so thankful to have found a church that is affirming and now I'm part of an amazingly loving and accepting church family. God is nothing but love people!! I love you just as you are

[@trinitycoots4740]

I’m so sorry that anyone feels like God hates them or didn’t make them as good as other people. But God loves you so much and he made everyone beautiful in there own way. If you ever felt not excepted in a church I’m so sorry people made you feel that way. Even though I don’t know any of you. I love you and God loves you!

[@gabemelber5875]

If God loves me so much why does he let his own people bully me just for loving who I love even though loving the same gender is no sin but natural

[@strawberryjammin1178]

thank you catie for this absolutely heartbreaking piece. the combination of religious trauma and self loathing could not have been painted better.

[@rachelbowers912]

I love this song cause it speaks the real truth behind religious trauma. As a girl who’s still enrolled in a Catholic school, I’ve been told that the fact that I’m bisexual means that I’m going to hell, showed a video of an abortion because they found out I’m pro choice, had my knees slapped with a ruler because my skirt was 1/2 an inch above my knees, given detention because they heard me say I’m agnostic. It IS easier to think that god made a mistake with me, because why would he make me go through a life where people hate me? To make me strong, and to make me realize that there’s people in my life I can trust and some I can’t. Those people that I’ve trusted, have been my life long friends. And the family that stuck around, have been there for me even through my hardest times, and for that I’m so thankful. So god may have made a mistake with me, but it was the best mistake he’s ever made

[@catieturnerfan1454]

This is one of Catie Turner's most popular songs on her Spotify Page over 22 million+ views and The fact that we all interpret this song differently but all feel the same grief and heavy emotions. Listen to all of her songs ( Prom Queen, I luv him, Home and from her new EP Heartbroken and Milking it) on The Catie Turner Spotify Page.

[@C.Love85]

Cognitive dissonance is the hardest thing to let go of and what we've done as a society is shove religion down their throats and tell them God CAN'T LOVE THEM. This is where we went super wrong. God loves all of His children, doesn't make mistakes, and He highly loves and favors you.

[@annevee]

this song hit me exactly right where it already hurts.

[@hallefrancis8305]

I’ve never seen religious pressure and questioning and just feeling let down by this great and powerful thing that never seems to notice you. I didn’t think this song could any better but you did it again Catie 👏🤍

[@ZoemickeyBoos]

The emotion in Catie's voice is tear-jerking. So beautiful.

[@ineedfriends503]

I feel like this isn't only physical accomplishments such as the "perfect body" or "perfect face" but it can also go for people's careers and dreams and thats exactly how I view it for myself, not only how I look but also towards the more successful people

[@danielcalvo7473]

You're such an inspiration to me catie. When I talk about imposter syndrome i hope I sound as crazy as you do thinking I'm not a good musician.

[@kn0ck2wice2]

Be patient, pray, praise one who always answers!! It's not all about asking God for this and that.... But u gotta learned to listen, and react!! #ChristianityIsALifestyle #EnduringTheGospel #PutGodFirst #StayHumble 🙌🙏💯

[@masterkate]

she's done it again. wow, i love catie

[@GloosD]

He didn't help me when he screamed begging for my suffering to end, when I started bleeding and begging for help, he was never there and my family continues to worship him even without knowing if he exists or not, the seven-year-old going to church to beg and giving everything he has to get his family back to being like before even his mental state.

[@coffeeshotterthantea]

the emotion in EVERY WORD!!! so insanely good

[@julhol7482]

The tears in her voice hit different

[@Matthew-LAMF]

I seriously think is one of the best songs ever. It's so full of raw emotion, god damn it gives me chills every single time.

[@patriciacortina1723]

To anyonr suffering from religious trauma, body dysmorphia, and self doubt; I just want to say that you are beautiful even if you don't believe it. I love you!

[@sshapiro121]

There’s something about the eerieness of the church that makes this version sound so amazing. Idk

[@bryanoutside]

I was driving my daughter to go camping and we stumbled onto this song as we were making our road trip playlist. I cried. Big tears. Thank you for your pain and the ability to articulate it. I connect with this on so many ways that it’s humbling. We feel so alone sometimes, but we are not. Pain is pain and I comes in familiar patterns. I’d love nothing more to give you a hug and tell you it’s going to be alright, but it’s not. The best bet is to survive and never let your pain go to waste. I hope it burns in your soul to share your voice. Never stop. You are beautiful and amazing. You made a semi-old man cry. Thank you for being you.

[@beingme._.eilonwy4571]

I can’t explain how much this touched me. I used to think I had to be better so I could be loved by God. Because if he didn’t love me how could I ever be worth anything. The pain of thinking I wasn’t “nice enough” or “pretty enough” to be Christian. If anyone of you have or do feel that way know that you are worthy and beautiful both inside and out. The God I know would want you to love yourself first.

[@ronie1238]

Amen❤️❤️

[@justtaky]

I usually don't relate to many songs that use emotions like jealousy. They usually target that feeling to a romantic relationship or the other person's beauty. For one of the first times i feel connected with a song like this. My body, my brain, my health, everything is so wrong and i start to wonder if there is a reason why i am meant to be in pain and the person next to me is allowed to feel neutral. Thank you so much for writing this. 💐

[@holliarguelles4073]

Oh Catie💔 The 33 yr old me wants to reach through this screen and hug you, but the 13 yr old confused and broken me is still stuck in that bathroom stall crying where no one can see me. This is so real, so needed. God and Religion is far too often used to cause such devastation, it took me years to learn that the God they wielded to cause such trauma and pain was not real. Sending the biggest hug to you my dear keep sharing your beautiful voice love.

[@mia.loves.sunburn]

my favorite part about this song is that there are so many way to interpret it to fit whatever you are going through. thank you Catie. a masterpiece

[@novah5007]

im not religious and before clicking i assumed i wouldnt like this song but wow. its amazing. great job!!

[@HannahNoelle2158]

_"Though we know God is not to blame, so many times it seems that He turns a blind eye by allowing His permissive will to occur. He stands dead-center when we are looking for a target. I'm convinced that God loves us so much that He is willing to take the blame, to absorb our anger when we need a punching bag. I think He would rather have us yelling at Him than not speaking at all."_