Celibacy: My Experience As An INFP

When I was 18 I decided to give myself the label of 'celibate', which was a fairly easy label to apply to myself (in retrospect). Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

[@dulles1969]

The rationale for celibacy certainly makes sense to me! I didn't have any such label, but am grateful today that I had extra time way back in my youth to play at being a kid -- extra breathing room before facing adult relationships and headaches -- though heartache there was plenty. 💙

[@vondelpete]

That's interesting to think about, how I was also able to have that extra time too, the years after finishing university to still be alone and work myself out a bit. There's a lot to be said for that period of exploration!

[@skazzwag8]

I don't think a group of INFP's is called a gaggle... we're normally called a spazzle.

[@vondelpete]

I stand corrected 🥸

[@ArmandoDimanche]

I'm fearful avoidant and now I can see that I was like that with my parents, friends and exes. I felt really intense feelings but I was not comfortable with acting like how I feel around them. When we broke up, my immediate feeling was relief, because now I can be myself again, and not worry about losing someone lol. I could express myself easily via text, love letters in school etc but in person I would just clam up and overthink everything and be stuck inside of myself.

[@vondelpete]

Ah another FA - and yeah, that's how I felt immediately after any breakups I had, although it was usually a relief that didn't last long and I'd enter back into confusion for a long time after. I'm actually impressed even if you could express via text or love letters, which I also struggled with. Although I think it was easier than in person, looking back. Anyway thanks for sharing and commenting!

[@jessbeee_444]

Haha absolutely creasing up at the story of the poetry girl: the supposed asexual meets the borderline nymphomaniac, no wonder you were scared! It's so interesting and makes so much sense that the term 'celibate' was like a clutch for you to mask unaddressed issues. As an 18 year old girl, I also haven't had experience in this world as of yet, not because I want to be celibate or anything, but there is definitely an element of fear. Part of me just wants to let loose, go out and find a girl and part of me is bloody terrified. Leaving my snug Si comfort zone might be the only way at this point!

[@vondelpete]

I love how you put it like that haha, it was kind of crazy. Scary but odd how I didn't feel very scared either in some ways. Oh gee the way you put that - I mean I went through it then and I guess I still go through it now as 39 years old 😂 As always these things are a balance, I'm so glad in retrospect that I stayed in my snug Si comfort zone for so long, because when anything did happen years later, it was very much with the right kinds of people and kind of set a nice high standard for myself, I think? I tell myself that anyway :)

[@jessbeee_444]

@@vondelpete Yea, a high standard will always be better than a low standard I reckon. You know you best and what you need/needed, plus it shows self-respect. All in all, a good ending haha :)

[@radishraven9]

Oh i remember the story of the girl with the poems and creepy painting! Lol a gaggle of infps 😂 I am probably the wrong person to respond to this as I'm still identifying as aromantic asexual. There is a lot for me to unpack around my identity. There is probably some fear involved in that for myself to tell the truth. Anyway I'm confused how you could call yourself both chaste and an infp loveboat 😂

[@vondelpete]

Haha I actually forgot while making this that I'd basically told this whole story before. And yeah, I bet there's a lot to unpack. I often think this unpacking of identity can take a lifetime. And yeah it is funny isn't it, I hope KZbin pairs this video with the loveboat video haha, a nice way to confuse new viewers 😂

[@MichelleMy_Unwell]

I agree that not putting a label on things can keep you from putting limitations on your life…especially in the way of religion…how certain religions demand celibacy and, in turn, can inflict such harm. I have a lot of very painful regrets of my own in that regard. It’s different when you can decide for yourself, and take things at the proper pace and on your own terms, that’s a much healthier mindset. But also I think it’s important to stay true to your own comfort zone, even if that…well…goes against current cultural expectations as well. Aww, I think this is a very lovely, very positive message! I’m glad you spoke about it and made it so entertaining. You know, I think I’ve had that same nightmare…you with all those women…wearing your leather jacket. I think I’ve heard many other people have had that same dream actually, it’s a really bad omen. I might have to take some time and look at my reflection as well. Seems like the only thing for me to do at this point…lest I die alone.

[@vondelpete]

Hm yes this is the thing, even a self-imposed label takes away a sense of agency I think - it is much more 'empowering' to decide for yourself and stick to it for its own sake. I hoped this was a positive message in some way ha. I'm sorry I've given you that nightmare, and yes always in that...leather jacket. You need to take a long hard look at yourself in that reflection, Michelle. 😂

[@MichelleMy_Unwell]

@@vondelpete 🫡🪞👀

[@MichelleMy_Unwell]

@@vondelpete 🫡🪞👀

[@MichelleMy_Unwell]

@@vondelpete 🫡🪞👀

[@maewilson3311]

Yes I had a coworker when I was volunteering in a different country and he stated he was gay during his first day at work. But one day he told me he feels like he has put himself in a box with that label. I wonder what he meant by that. Maybe he never gave women a chance but wishes he did 🤔

[@sicparvismagna1294]

Hi Pete, Nice video and good topic. As for celibacy,it's the case for me until today. I'm not proclaiming the status it's just how my life is and it has been a very long winded story. What a poem 😅 what a drawing 😅 quite a story Ah that's intrusive! While growing up I avoided talking about sexuality because I felt people don't respect such intimate thing. It was very crude and I don't like it. I only speak about it with people whom I feel comfortable talking to them and those people are very rare in ly life until now it's just only one friend. Sorry Pete, but if you don't mind, what did you study at university? You got me curious. It seems girls are attracted to you which it something that's doesn't surprise me, you are a handsome man and you have a nice voice ( no kinky thoughts behind these words it's simply what I noticed 😅) Oh I'm sorry, it's really rude when lying about such a thing! That's nice a thought about not necessarily being celibate but not delving into intimacy. Thanks for sharing, it was nice hearing from you again. Take care

[@vondelpete]

Lovely as always to hear from you. I also find it very crude how a lot of people talk about these things and I guess it pays to be very careful who to discuss this with, I was a bit careless in my twenties maybe which sometimes hurt. I studied a Bachelor of Arts and majored in Professional Writing and Philosophy, so it was a great chance to meet a lot of great people - I kind of wish I didn't end up isolating myself so much but it all kind of was fine in the end, I made friends with the right types of people.

[@sicparvismagna1294]

Hi, Thanks as always for taking the time to respond. I'm glad we agree on some points. Oh that's nice! That's a nice combination. I didn't know if I told you before but currently I'm on my final year of master's degree in physics. Yes isolating oneself is really hard but something it's a necessity like it is the case for me but now I'm trying to make meaningful connections like you, Ingrid, Bufo and others and I'm glad I've found all of you, sometimes it may feel surreal but it's not. Take care Pete, See you in the next video or somewhere else :)

[@c9luv]

Found your videos a little while ago, and the more I watch, the more convinced I am, you're my male twin. T~T (

[@vondelpete]

Aw thank you! It's kind of amazing for me too to hear I'm (possibly) your male twin, and your similar situation. FA attachment style, it's a whole whirlwind isn't it. But I'm glad you feel connected in a weird way, weird ways aren't necessarily bad ways. Keep being you and thank you again ^_____^

[@ArmandoDimanche]

Omg I also have FA attachment, 😿 I didn't even know I was like that until my 40s. Maybe also with family and friends. I be so in love with that person and put them on a pedestal; I wrote wonderful love letters and texts, and I won't ignore their texts or calls, BUT in person I clam up and am afraid to be myself, until they express disapproval for whatever reason; or that there is some unfixable tension and they get door slammed immediately, or I will delay it and be really nasty to sabotage the relationship. As soon as as we breakup or I got dumped, I immediately felt relief that I can be myself again, and not have to answer to anyone or worry about what they're thinking. 😩😩😩 lol. I don't remember any of my breakups being civil, lol

[@ArmandoDimanche]

I didn't know that I previously replied this a couple of weeks ago, So I must've watched it twice.

[@vondelpete]

@@ArmandoDimanche Ugh I relate to a lot of this, it's all kind of worrying lol...

[@klynn6616]

In regard to the INFP friend--when someone chooses celibacy because of lack of interest, that doesn't (in my opinion) have anything to do with respect or disrespect when it comes to women. It's just a matter of preference. I would even argue in cases where celibacy is taken upon oneself as a burden (perhaps because of religious endeavors or the like), it's generally not for just the purpose of respecting women. As a woman I don't feel disrespected if a man sleeps around. Your INFP friend saying that you having an active sex life somehow makes you a misogynist really just sounds like "He's getting all the women and I'm not! That makes me feel bad, therefore I'm going to be vindictive." Now, you could explain your side your side to him and see if that clears things up. But if he isn't willing to understand, I would question how much of a friend he was to begin with. True friends don't sway easily because of the words of a third party. If they care, they should confront the person directly (but maybe that's a little more difficult for INFPs.) I'm an a-sexual-(ish) INTJ for reference.

[@vondelpete]

Ah I think this really does nail it on the head. Alas it was so long ago but I think the vindictive side made me distance myself from him, and that's right, true friends wouldn't be swayed so easily. But it was definitely hard for me at the time to confront it directly, typically INFP of course. Thanks for the comment!

[@Nezuko_yoyo]

You look cool with short hair

[@vondelpete]

Ah thank you! This is kind of relieving to hear haha

[@AnaSavone]

gaggle of INFP s! very funny

[@vondelpete]

😁

[@ArmandoDimanche]

my mom was a feminist lol