The Caleb Saga, Part 2 | Chapo Trap House | Episode 64

We return to Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby's annual open letters to his son, Caleb, and learn the "Rules and Suggestions for Stealing Candy".
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[@SonOfAGunYYH]

"It was titled--" "Oh no." "Oh boy. Oh jeez." "Oh no." "Oh boy."

[@nickolaiproblem]

How to pilfer sweets and get away with it

[@xavierriv41]

Matt's uproarious laughter warms the cockles of my heart

[@AceAttorny]

I imagine Caleb wears sailor suits and permanently carries around an oversized lollipop.

[@AceAttorny]

@@videogamenostalgia There was an overnight transition between one and the other at some point.

[@henryvanderwater6974]

AceAttorny I imagine a bojack horseman childhood

[@parttimeposter1998]

His dad forces him to dress like that and keeps him chained in the basement like the gunsmith in RDR2.

[@ProbablyOnLSD6669]

I believe you’re referring to the classic “Little Lord Fauntleroy” aesthetic

[@finished6267]

@@ProbablyOnLSD6669 except instead of lollipops, Fauntleroy had a large vial of Negro tears...

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

Failson Caleb sounds like the name of a Dark Souls boss.

[@robbibittybob20]

The unknown Prince of Lothric, shying away from his role as lord of cinder

[@weak_username]

In Elden Ring you get a special cutscene if you summon him in the fight against his father

[@thomasgiles2876]

"Ahh, you ignorant slaves. Finally taken notice have you? Of the power of my beloved Caleb, child of Hebrews." "Caaaaaaleeeeeeeeb!!!!"

[@TurboNemesis]

"In a far flung corner of an ancient city of beans, a father sits at a typewriter. His fingers spew words of hatred for his scorned offspring. The terrible child with whom he has cursed the world. Consume this wicked, oafish soul to obtain great power."

[@videogamenostalgia]

He throws his yarmulke at you like Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat, and in Phase 2 of the fight he summons his dad to write an open letter to you for the Boston Globe.

[@jarmarmarn4323]

"As long as the rest of the world sees you at your best" which is why I'm writing this column that depicts you as a monster

[@zjc92]

There is a 100% chance that Caleb is now a regular Chapo listener

[@elizabethbennet4791]

im waiting for him to call in

[@yam83]

Caleb go on Chapo!

[@elizabethbennet4791]

@@yam83 I deeply firmly, INTENSELY second this notion!

[@frrascon]

It would be so cool if he actually went on Trueanon instead.

[@LeoSkyro]

I mean he has to be aware of these episodes at least They're on the first page of google video results for his name, and who amongst us hasnt namesearched ourselves on every platform we can think of?

[@averagejoe455]

Caleb's Candyfesto

[@krzysz5023]

This is why my people have long passed down oral histories about how to steal candy

[@eartianwerewolf]

I kinda love Caleb tbh

[@Yinlock470]

he's clearly struggling against seriously over-controlling and emotionally abusive parents it just happens to also be really funny

[@videogamenostalgia]

Rules and suggestions for stealing *your heart* (.docx)

[@IrishMetal]

4:07 the document title reveal is just amazing

[@lilgramsci3676]

I almost choked

[@jarmarmarn4323]

Matt's instant cackle is something else

[@NoNameBrand450]

Same! I was dying laughing!

[@stefanfilipovits21]

It’s so funny it’s painful. That poor kid.

[@rickymoen9482]

Omg that was amazing. Doc title name at like 4:30

[@grantca8204]

“Rules and Suggestions for Stealing Candy” sounds like the title of a bad debut literary fiction novel

[@Bobsaget121]

The doc title made me laugh so hard I got a six pack

[@bonzaisubber8535]

Matt lost 20 lbs with that laugh

[@andregordon2599]

10 Crackle Commandments literally had me on the floor

[@st3venseagal248]

The joy is Will's voice gives me wings.

[@La_Ru-yg8es]

Jeff is a terrible parent. My youngest is the same age as Caleb*, if my arithmetic serves, and never would I ever put shit out about him like this. I get permission from my own kids even to post pictures of them on Facebook. If Caleb doesn't speak to his parents when they are old, this Jacoby dude has only himself to blame. *The kid who introduced me to Chapo.

[@MarkSiefert]

I bet Caleb’s classmates taunt him each year by reading his father’s article at him.

[@gavin7772]

I was expecting the document to be titled rules and strategies for engaging Israeli defense force

[@brianfurey6294]

I had to explain to my kids why two people installing their schools new turf for the schools playground were murdered over tools.

[@rickymoen9482]

Wat?

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

If an eleven year old is titling a document rules and suggestions for stealing candy for personal use he needs to see a psychiatrist because one of his future documents will probably be rules and suggestion for disposing of bodies.

[@cadene5498]

This is library of Congress worthy

[@samwoodson9603]

This whole thing plays out like an IRL On Cinema plotline told over many seasons.

[@athousandfeethigh]

If Tom Cruise Jr. had survived, Tim would've absolutely done this every year at the Oscar Special

[@GREGORYABUTLER]

Caleb Jacoby 2020

[@Ancienregime8090]

This sounds like an average Yahoo forums post from one of the ethnostates forked by Germany after WW2

[@lilithpyrope476]

4:37 ... FEEL GOOD

[@burtgrabmore2972]

11:38 "Perceived indignities", they sound real to me.

[@GoodStarfish]

11year old Caleb invented trolling

[@jarmarmarn4323]

Treat Club

[@frankpossible6408]

Caleb is Naive Machiavelli

[@thej1615]

Dad a straight snitch

[@mcmasters1484]

This made me laugh harder than anything has is a long time. I don’t always agree with your guys politics but good damn you’re entertaining

[@whyisgooglemakingmedothis603]

: Katie is representative of damn near every fan of this show - at the beginning, you have no idea what to say about these chucklefucks cracking up about truant, treat-filching failsons - but by the end, you're the cool aunt of his new family in the Trap.

[@Xxx_EvilSmurf_xxX]

At least my parents only savagely beat me.

[@daviddavid2890]

Any time I need cheered up I listen to the bit about stealing candy. Kills me every time

[@elizabethbennet4791]

I wonder what Caleb's ACE score is

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

AuralAudacity ASMR Honestly? He may already be a little crazy. Like, making a comprehensive instruction manual on how to steal candy and stuff? How long before that becomes a body, or a stash of jewelry? He may already be a sociopath, and I’m ALL for it.

[@MrHenreee]

Someone post the document on Chive

[@imavileone7360]

Holy shit this was fucking great

[@bober911]

I am forever in love with the amount of money dipshits at PragerU and the like spend on lefty-youtube like y'all and Contrapoints. Like if someone is this far down the rabbit hole why the fuck are they trying? Thanks for the support I guess? Sending my love y'all

[@typeer]

The traitor Brendan James