Childfree By Choice - Why Women Are Not Having Kids

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Childfree By Choice - Why Women Are Choosing Not to Have Kids
Why Women Are Not Having Kids
#childfreebychoice #childfreelife #intentionalliving

[@helenawoods]

Hello lovelies! ✨💕 Thanks for tuning in 🤗Remember to please just be kind to one another in the comments, regardless if you agree or not. This openhearted community holds space for learning, discussing, and sharing ALL perspectives. Love you all! ☀

[@awakeningsouls9545]

Thanks for sharing! Your channel is such a beautiful space🥰

[@KitaTaki-mk3gt]

The saddest thing is probably that people who make the conscious decision not to have children would probably make,the most responsible parents … I also want to add, women that “judge” other women for not having children are sometimes just … jealous. Especially if you have an amazing life, and you’re happy with your choices. Most people were just brainwashed into having children and some got a cruel awakening after the facts … and they get upset and angry when they meet someone who made other choices … That’s the reason why they are so vocal in their “ judgement” (aka jealousy)

[@peachesandpoets]

You start beaming when you talk about your husband and marriage. It is very sweet

[@johnbuffaloiam9741]

​@@peachesandpoetsthis woman is being selfish. My wife had 7 children and I wanted 10

[@carolynlarke1340]

I'm 66 years old. One of the smartest things I learned about myself was that I didn't want children. It doesn't matter why. My grandmother, a veteran of the early public health action by nurses to get contraceptives (diaphrams) into the hands of wives who had 10+ children, said, " You girls are lucky today. You don't have to have a baby every two years until you die. You have the pill and you don't have to have any kids if you don't want." I was freed. It's no one's business but yours.

[@diantinatalist6686]

Being a parent of biological kids is a gamble with anothers existence. It’s cruel. Birth is not consensual

[@lapeaches8006]

Wow... Yes. So, so true.

[@suebotchie4167]

Children are a blessing??? Really? Sounds more like a freaking curse.

[@justicevibes1252]

If you're running out of the pill don't go out anywhere. I made that mistake. I was waiting for a new Script of Reclipsen and my friend was begging me to spend time with a mutual guy friend. Yeah no. Don't do it. I said I didn't want to go and still went and he had ulterior motives. I got pregnant all because of one night without it. Because honestly we hear about women trapping men. But we don't hear about how men will look into your purse while you're in the BR. They will keep track of your birth control. I'm serious. Just do what's best for you. Because there are men that have no problem with getting you pregnant and leave and not care about their own child. I don't want what happened to me to happen to anyone else. Don't hangout with a guy friend alone. Please protect yourself.

[@BEACHDUDE71]

53 single no children or pets

[@savagesweetheart90]

I do not have the patience for a child, I didn't even like children when I was child myself. Made this decision when I was 10 years old and each year, especially now, I'm glad I stuck with this decision. Society is WAY too fucked to bring an innocent life into, and yet I'm called "selfish" for it, when in reality it's SELFLESS.

[@pce12345]

Agreed 💯 Not a nice world for kids

[@evilds3261]

They call you selfish because they are psychologically projecting AKA blaming you for something they are guilty of. So, really, the people who call you selfish are the truly selfish ones. They care more about you doing something than about your well-being and comfort. They are selfish.

[@purpleviolet2058]

💯

[@iknowyouvebeenwaiting]

ME TOO!!! Often people who are children NEVER felt the desire to have children, even when they themselves were children 😂

[@gregdenys7162]

I love it when dumb people decide to commit reproductive suicide.

[@hannahp.fletcher9969]

I hate that childfree people ALWAYS have to start with "Motherhood is wonderful... I dont hate you-" etc etc. Because if we dont, the breeders lose their collective shit. All of it.

[@helenawoods]

right? so true

[@Leon-th6nl]

exactly that should go without saying. Our choice isnt an attack on theirs

[@Danuxsy]

It’s not natural to not want to procreate, our capitalist system has forced women to not have children, this is terrible news for western society as our population dwindles and is being replaced by immigrants that DO procreate.

[@marvin2678]

Youre a waste of space

[@bgos4727]

​@@Danuxsythat's bs, humans have evolved from the natural vs unnatural bs. You want nature? Go live in the threes You could give me a million, I still wouldn't want kids. 😂

[@merryfergie]

I am a woman who chose to have a life on my own. No husband, no children. I knew this early on, perhaps by the age of 14. I wanted a life of freedom, I wanted to explore life, I wanted to travel. I appreciate silence. I wanted to earn my own money. In the little town where i live, Mothers tell me i chose a selfish lifestyle. I did feel the responsibility of child rearing was greater than i could endure. i could see the divorce rate was rising. The thought of being a single, working mother seemed a detriment to children & my self care. In a culture that values money over love, There are so many children without parents- those are the children i care for. In the culture that surrounds me, i see the lack of support in a competitive environment. As i have matured, I see all is possible. I appreciate the "hippie" culture for re-educating me Regarding being pregnant, giving birth and raising children in community can be a beautiful experience. I look forward to being a woman, a mother in my next incarnation, Supported by a culture that values human life.

[@LadyWiggin]

I have a friend like that. I admire that. Knowing yourself is so important

[@CordeliaWagner]

How do you know that reincarnation is more than an opressing esoteric concept made up to manipulate people so they are easier to control and exploit?

[@LaconixTM]

This was beautiful to read, thank you! Completely agree.

[@xxxlegend6810]

Ikr, it’s so freeing and weird when i realized i had a choice!

[@diaryofanafricanladyutanyo9656]

Beautifully said

[@darkgalaxy5548]

My wife & I decided not to have children. In our late 60s now, no regrets. A lot of people (mostly other women for some reason) tried to browbeat my wife into having children. We ended up cutting ties with several friends & relatives.

[@cmcordoYT]

I have three grown children, and they are all in their 30s. I'm already getting the question about whether or not I'm a grandma yet. All three of my children have decided to not have children and I am very happy for them.

[@RianneMision]

Thank you for being one of very few parents who doesn’t guilt their adult children about this!

[@tsavdarwallace]

My mom tells me all the time that she is grateful that neither myself nor my brother made her a grandmother.

[@rebeccaandrews1156]

Being mom has been my favorite thing, personally. However, I believe more women would be happier if they did NOT have children. I think that’s why you see so much attack too. A lot of unhappy moms can’t stand the thought that it would have been ok to say no to childhood.

[@yoyosworld2773]

THIS. I have many friends who are great parents and wanted to be parents but understand that not everybody wants that and in fact are honest with me about and tell me that I’m making the right choice. If someone is comfortable in their own choice they wouldn’t be mad at others making a different one-if they are, they have to do some introspection and ask themselves why they feel mad.

[@nicoleoldford6694]

Thats exactly what I was thinking when she said she's astonished at how many women take it as a personal attack if another woman doesn't want children. If someone gets that defensive about something it's usually because it's calling into question thier own insecurities/unhappiness. If someone is truly happy with thier own life they typically will be happy for other people living life as they choose as well. Its the ones that are unhappy that get defensive and judgemental towards others in my own experience.

[@soumighosh1111]

@@nicoleoldford6694 Beautifully explained

[@annmarieknapp]

Yes, I'm one of those women who had a devastating experience being a parent. Second worst decision of my life, first was marrying my ex.

[@Childfree334]

Your last sentence hit the nail on the head. That is it exactly. So many people still don't seem to be aware that they don't have to have kids.

[@SloanePaoPow]

Having children is expensive, time consuming and a life long committment. It's a choice to be entered into with forethought. Parenthood and especially motherhood is culturally overromantisized and the realities of the daily grind glossed over. I think that's the main problem: The reality of motherhood is not realistically portrayed and it needs to be for women to make the decision that's right for them. Great video, Helena.

[@helenawoods]

That's such a great point, Sloane! it's absolutely over romanticized! I didn't even think of that. Reality vs Fantasy is a biggie 👏Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@TheStephanieDanger]

@sloanepaopow You said it all so clearly. It's kind of wild how we just assume one of the things you "automatically" do is have children without thinking through what it entails. @helenawoods My only thing I might question is exactly how many women do want children. Societal pressure is real. I think there may be fewer women having kids if they actually took time, like you did, to really think through what having children means. Love your core message. We, as women, should be able to do whatever we want without shame or judgment or explanation. This includes changing our mind five times. We're constantly evolving as humans. What one wants now could change in five years. We don't have to explain our choices to others. We just need to honor ourselves. Bravo for honoring being true to you. I honestly can't believe people are still getting shamed for not wanting children. Crazy!!!!

[@salubaba05]

Well said Helena! ❤

[@whitneyanders5945]

I read some research that stated only 1% of women who never had kids were truly ‘childfree’ and just never wanted to be mothers. I’m not sure that’s correct.. or is it?

[@lillierose5304]

The daily grind reminds me of the 'school' part of raising kids. Packing lunch, washing uniforms, getting them out of bed to get ready for school, school drop off, five days per week except holidays for years and years. And the school system is horrible and we all hated it but yet we have to put our kids through it.

[@tamarbatyah7]

Men and society have made motherhood unappealing. Women are good observers.

[@transitionsnc]

Agree. You really need to have a good partner to raise children...someone who will stick in there with you when the going get tough...and even then...unexpected things happen. The U.S. society is a challenging place to have children, IMO. I think it would be different if people were in it for the long haul and society was structured differently.

[@user-or6gm2py9b]

61 years old and childless by choice - I feel that it is far more acceptable today then 30 to 40 yrs ago - I got such grief from everyone! I too love children, just never wanted any of my own.I used to get the strangest reactions when I told people I didn't have children, like I had two heads or something or oh my what's wrong with you - even Now sometimes get how many Grandkids do you have? Thanks for making this video and talking about it!

[@nancyesposito1020]

I experienced exactly what you have with my choice to not have children and those reactions make you feel like there's something wrong with you and it took me a long time to feel confident that I made the right choice and that I wasn't being selfish!

[@Lilboozibert]

I'm so glad that it's more accepted in Western culture, too, particularly in my generation (old millennial). Now...if only we can help our non-western sisters who still live without reproductive agency.

[@hannahp.fletcher9969]

Hi... I'm 19. I'm childfree. I still get such casual shit from family, from friends. I have ONE friend who feels the same as me, the rest? Family? Friends? Random fuckers on the internet; "Whos gonna look after you when you're older" - "You'll change you mind" - "Dont you want a mini me?" :)

[@diantinatalist6686]

I’m 62. I knew at age 12 that I had elite dreams. Travel etc, writing a book. I’ve done that and I have volunteered and helped society from the hazards of having kids , picking up the pieces of reproduction so to speak. My mom failed at her most important job of motherhood. F

[@diantinatalist6686]

It’s easier to follow cultural norms and settle for common parenthood than to swim upstream

[@PebbleBeachLife]

Childfree by choice and I'm very happy with my decision. I like the quiet, the silence, the rest. I don't care about 'growing old alone' it's what my soul wants and yearns for. People don't understand it but it makes me happy. My husband is equally happy.

[@nikkimcook]

Well done and well said Helena! I am 53 years old and never wanted children. Fortunately, I have a husband who feels the same way. We just celebrated our 18 year wedding anniversary and we love our life! ❤ We have the freedom travel and be spontaneous. We see our friends spending thousands of dollars to send their children to college. I’m grateful to have that money to spend on ourselves and our retirement. Because we don’t have that financial burden, I was able to retire four years ago 🎉❤

[@Pankaj-4572PR]

Beautiful experience

[@persephone213]

As a childfree woman, I can confidently say that, for me, it has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. Like Helena, freedom is a huge reason, although I could list many. I’m happy to see more people talking about this. 💖

[@helenawoods]

Yes!! 👏 big hugs to you Amber! ❤

[@suebotchie4167]

The servant class (women) are in revolt. Viva la revolution.

[@ViolaHGlaze]

I just turned 55 and it marks my 20 anniversary of me getting my tubes tied...it was the best decision i could've made for myself...i also celebrated 20 years with my husband who didn't want kids either. We enjoy our current fur baby, sleeping in, long motorcycle rides and spontaneous trips out of town.....can't do that with kids. Most of us who have no kids have made a conscious decision to do so. Enjoy your life. We were put on this earth to find our own happiness.

[@jacklynjustus7132]

I am 70. I have 3 kids. I love them and am grateful for them. I also appreciate your choice. Please, if you don’t want children, do not have them. We need to stop judging people’s choices. Love and support others.

[@IFSTherapist]

61 yo. and I knew at 29 that I did not want kids. From a family of 8 sibs, and 3 sisters had babies by the time they were 17 years old. Saw the full extend of the responsibility (I was younger than them). Told for years (cuz they knew better) that I would change my mind as I aged... because "your eggs will be screaming." Then I remember all of a sudden around 42 years old, I had a realization my eggs had not been screaming at all. And I felt more solid in my decision. Love hearing you talk about this. Brave !!!! So happy to hear what you have to say on your channel, whatever topic you cover.

[@CoffeesChypresBooks]

Exactly! No biological alarm clock. I didn’t come with one of those either.

[@suebotchie4167]

Had my eggs screamed, i'd of harshly told them to shut the eff up :)

[@BatterySonic]

Thank you so much for highlighting the idea that your marriage can be enough. My wife is my world, and I don't need anything else. Our marriage is exactly all I need with nothing extra

[@Childfree334]

I love men like you ❤

[@Starry_Night_Sky7455]

Make that a Hallmark Card!

[@Alexacapetown]

The saying "Go forth and multiply" in my opinion means to go out there and live life to the fullest by following your heart, doing what feels good to you and always thriving to learn, grow and EXPAND as an individual.

[@evilds3261]

It is also not one of the Ten Commandments. It also took place in a context where there were not many other people. So, they needed to multiply back then, but not now.

[@zellafae]

Context is so important and so many people take passages out of context from the bible to push their veiws onto others.​@@evilds3261

[@BudgetingMomma]

It’s also a mental thing. I always felt I didn’t have the mental capacity to have a child. I very forgetful. Being a late bloomer and meeting the love of my life at 31. He already had children from a previous marriage. And we decided not to have a child. Later into your relationship I found out that I could not have any children. The biggest heartbreak and sign of relief ever. So I choose to be this way. No children and free spirited.

[@helenawoods]

Ahhh yes! It’s so true! I didn’t think about that! It’s definitely a mental thing as well

[@Alexacapetown]

I appreciate you for bringing up this topic ❤ I'm so tired of being shamed for being childless and single.

[@danieladeutsch1708]

You are not alone, sweet soul. Don´t worry. You don´t have to answer. Do you know what I do? (I am 45 and divorced). When I date a man and he askes me that I ask him back: "Hmmm....and why DO YOU have children?" :) If somebody asks you this, think about your (future) friendship/relationship. You are you. You are not your child. Head up. You are doing well, trust me. ❤

[@Alexacapetown]

@@danieladeutsch1708 thank you for the kind words😊

[@evilds3261]

Just know that the people shaming you are even more selfish than you could ever be. When they call you selfish, accuse them of the same thing - because THEY want you to have children, they are selfish for not considering what you want or whether having children will be in YOUR best interest.

[@laurac2783]

I know this. I was 33 when I had my child. Now I have 1. Now I'm constantly judged for not having 2. And a friend with 4? You cannot imagine what kind of comments she gets. Don't worry, you cannot escape, you will never have the right amount of kids.

[@angelaholmes8888]

Wow I'm surprised about this that's totally not right

[@Lilboozibert]

Was it just about 'having kids' or was it about being a good parent. Because one of my family member birthed 10....directly into foster care. How's them apples, for them nosey naysayers?

[@MaxinetheLoLGamerGirlUSA]

That’s because having kids truly is a psuedo pyramid scheme…

[@ErikaLancasterArt]

As a 38 childfree woman who's never wanted kids and is married to a guy who also has never wanted kids, I just have to thank you for this video. I've always felt a bit strange for not wanting so many things that others seem to value so much and it's been great to see videos here on KZbin, Instagram, etc. created by both women and men who talk about being childfree because it's so important to normalize this. This way others know they aren't alone and that there's nothing wrong with them. This is probably the best video I've seen so far, and I can relate to everything you said. I feel/think the same way. I probably like kids less than you do though. 😁I was a teacher in a school environment for many years and I'm fine with them, but it's super rare that I think they are cute. I think baby animals are cuter. lol I can tolerate them for some amount of time but I hate the noise and the chaos. It makes me super anxious. I think most people who are making those rude comments are either unhappy with their lives, or are just living in a bubble of ignorance. Unfortunately, lots of people (if not most) don't even know what they want and go through their lives catering to others or doing things just because others are doing them, instead of thinking about what they truly want for themselves. This leads to doing things that they really didn't want to do and tons of regret, and of course, spewing hate and negativity. We have only one life to live, and something inside of them knows they messed up their only chance. 🤷 I have deep respect for parents who really try to be the best they can be for their kids, as it's the toughest job in the world. And I also have a lot of respect for parents who maybe had kids by accident, but embraced the challenge, are doing their best, and also are respectful of others choices. Thanks again!

[@transitionsnc]

I can tolerate them for some amount of time but I hate the noise and the chaos ~ I relate to your whole comment but to this sentence in particular. I worked with kids of all ages for many years in schools and hospitals as an occupational therapist. I always found the noise and the chaos to be super stressful on top of working with either very sick children or those with developmental disabilities (school system). I'm single, never married, no children and these days I will sometimes sit in the silence for hours. The silence and peace is just so much better for my well being. Anyway, I totally get what you are saying and I wish you all the best.

[@creativesdiaryzenliving6473]

The fear that is used to pressure women to have children is loneliness in old age.

[@kelebeksky]

Isn't it true? I am scared of it tbh

[@evilds3261]

@@kelebekskyIt happens regardless of whether or not you have children. So, it's better to surround yourself with community, associates, and friends in old age instead of relying on family.

[@phiakate]

I was watching Shan Boodram do a video about having had a child after years of saying that she does not want any children. She made the point that the people who pressured her the most to have children are the ones that she now speaks to the least. They have faded into the background whenever she needs help or advice on raising her kid. It is best to listen to yourself and how you feel because it is very likely that even if you have a partner it will just be you dealing with that kid.

[@JustanotherYoutuber771]

@@kelebekskyI stopped being afraid of that when I witnessed first hand my demented grandpa being put into an elderly people’s home by his 3 kids. He was a nice man, had a good relationship with his children. Yet not one of them wanted to take him in. It was too much work and they all had their own lives with their own children at that point. I’m not calling them selfish for it either. My dad’s a great guy and he felt guilty when I pointed it out but he’s right; it would be hard to take care of him. So in the end: Doesn’t matter what you do, there’s always a chance of ending up alone. Enjoy your life while you can

[@offgrid1275]

i have husband and kids and im so lonely sometimes and not enough money accumulate money thats my best advice@@kelebeksky loneliness is seasonal and can be cure with money tbh

[@squeakylittlepaws2710]

I don't want kids because i don't like kids and i'm not sure i would be a good mother, i have too many unclosed circles, too many anxienty and i need to have everything under control. I don't want kids because i don't want another unwanted human being on earth, there are too many over there.. I'm not a half of a woman without a kid, i don't have money to spend on a kid i don't desire, i don't want a lifetime commitment with my boyfriend, even if i love him, i don't want to be a burden to someone when i'll be old.. I'm a mess and i'll always be, i don't to force myself in a role that i will never fulfill as a kid would require.. That's it..

[@helenawoods]

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. Your self awareness is commendable. Getting honest about who we are and what we want is so key. There’s a lot of strength and wisdom in knowing that you wouldn’t be happy being a parent and then owning that choice. This is so honest and I know so many people will feel seen and validated by your sharing your story.

[@jezebelle57]

I’m fortunate in that no one in my family cared if I had kids or not. I mean someone might make the odd remark, but we never talked about it. I’ve never really spent time around children but when I’ve been around them say, in stores, buses, trains etc. I almost have panic attacks. I can’t handle the noise, the mess, the lifelong responsibility. I don’t like kids. I don’t like anything about them. I’m in my early 70s and that attitude has never changed. I don’t want anyone who plagues me for love or attention (except animals). I don’t want the disappointment that a child would undoubtedly bring. From the choice of a partner, to showing up pregnant and dropping out of school, to having a useless son who turns into a misogynist or a serial killer or even worse tries to kill me. I didn’t want to damage my health or ruin my body. I like to travel and spend my money on things and people important to me. I’m not maternal. I don’t know how to dumb myself down for kids. Funny, I didn’t even realize that NOT having kids was a problem. I’m a baby boomer who came of age during the days of women’s liberation, the pill, and abortion rights. Out of all my women friends my age only ONE of us had a kid (and a more awful example of manhood has ever existed.). We wanted freedom to come and go as we pleased, to sleep with as many men--or women as we chose and do whatever the hell we wanted. So my generation of women didn’t have that pressure. I don’t regret for a single second not being a mother. Ugh, motherhood: a fate worse than death.

[@EmmaLG369]

We ask too many questions to women who don't want children (a choice that affects no one but them) while we never ask people who want children why they do and how they are going to handle that. I believe that the same way "I don't want children" is a good enough reason not to have one, saying "I want children" is good enough as well. Still, it is a choice with many consequences and people should really go into parenthood with forethought. And it would be amazing if parents could talk more openly about their experience, because people who regret having children often say that they didn't realize how difficult it was going to be, as they only heard the good sides of parenthood. And of course, there are also people who don't even think about having a child and just do it because everyone else does. Everyone should take time to think about what they really want as an individual (in many aspects of life).

[@NateshasAmbience]

I agree. I wish more people would really think about it before jumping in. But then again, there are also people who just wanted sex and got surprised with a kid. 🤔🍼

[@monicapradanos]

Totally agree. And I have to say: people have asked me and insist that I should rethink about having kids, but my husband has never (never in his life) received neither questions nor insistance. I was very upset and even angry with that. Now I just ignore people when they bother me with this, but, how unfair!!!

[@joejackson7601]

It's unfortunate that some parents gang up against childfree ppl like a pack of hyenas in the workplace, family etc...

[@JessicaGarcia-xf9wr]

@@NateshasAmbiencethat too! Then they get a surprised pikachu face like they didn’t expect that too happen not practicing safe sex! Like what did they expect 🤦‍♂️

[@marvin2678]

It seems to me feminism is the provlem then ....

[@pla4825]

I really appreciate these videos for us child free people. Most people try to paint us as being sad and lonely, might be true for some NOT FOR ALL. At 36 yrs old I enjoy my child free life 😊

[@sunkeeperarcturian4755]

Fantastic. More people need to consider this. I have children. I love them but when I have another life I will not have children. Much love

[@marvin2678]

Yeah as if the birth rate isnt low enough already

[@MadaraUchiha-.._]

@@marvin2678 propaganda. the government wants to scare weak people (men like you, not all men) like you and scare, then force us into even more overpopulation so they can get even more slaves working for them, more people getting drafted into the military. more people giving them money, more people working for them (i said that already but that is what they want!).

[@mtnshelby7059]

Childless by choice as well. I don't think my life is less for this decision. But i am so grateful we live in a time where we have a choice. More people need to make this choice. There is no shortage of children.

[@helenawoods]

Grateful for this time indeed 🙏🏻

[@queeniequeen949]

Yessss! 🥰🙌🏾💯

[@marvin2678]

The birth rate is literlaly too low 😂

[@Melanizing]

Great discussion, and I especially loved when you said “some women just want peace”. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else make that point I other videos I’ve seen about this topic. I love the gentle wording of it. As a women who just wants her peace, it can be hard to convey that to other people without sounding like I’m criticizing their children. I don’t hate kids, I just don’t vibe with their energy. Kids are loud and messy and needy and chaotic, and that’s normal! I don’t hate them for it, I just personally don’t want it in my life.

[@lucianazolotoi3238]

You don't even need to justify why...it's ok to not want them, period.

[@danhalo1]

She knows that. But there a plenty of small minded folks out there who belittle childfree people and shout insults at them. Mostly right wing conservatives or traditionalists.

[@danhalo1]

She knows that. But there a plenty of small minded folks out there who belittle childfree people and shout insults at them. Mostly right wing conservatives or traditionalists.

[@ladev91]

You go girl!

[@whitewhitewhite2446]

Yes you do. Refusing to have kids should be against the law

[@danhalo1]

@@whitewhitewhite2446 1: That’s communism. 2: That kind of law would just tear countries apart. 3: It would cause global catastrophe as it would overpopulate the earth to the point where ecosystems die out and we would be fighting water wars for resources. Since we would have too many mouths to feed. 4: Grow up.

[@darrenm.7980]

As a man who wants to eventually get married but no have no kids, the "what about your husband" argument is really funny to me.

[@briancurtis6022]

I got asked that once: "What if you meet the woman of your dreams and she wants children?" Then she's obviously not the woman of my dreams!

[@darrenm.7980]

@@briancurtis6022 very true. she's a 10 but she wants kids, then she's not a 10.

[@B6gmxy]

@@darrenm.7980legit

[@lynhaney111]

All absolutely valid reasons to not have children. Too many women have children simply because it is culture custom. NOT a good reason to have a child. But the main thing for me is why are there not videos about why men do not want children. Why is there not unreasonable criticism about men for their not wanting children. AND there are a large number of men out there who don't want children and simply have children and put 100% of the burden on the women in their lives.

[@helenawoods]

Ohhhh so true

[@joejackson7601]

Female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers and easy bake ovens...male offspring are programmed to play play play.

[@transitionsnc]

That's a great point.

[@KristenMelissa]

Thank you for opening up this discussion! I have never ever felt the desire to have children.. thankfully my husband is on the same page. As I have gotten older I often have wondered if something is wrong with me. Most of my female friends seem to have dreamt of having babies and excited for starting their families. I have always felt so odd for feeling different. The simple fact that the desire is not there is reason enough. I would never have a child just to "belong" and do what is expected of a married woman. My husband and I both desire to travel and see the world and live in different places and flow through life as we grow and change. That is what lights me up!! I do like children and love all of my friends children 💛 but I am so secure in my decision to not have any of my own!

[@chrisoulalakkas7935]

Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear.

[@1964TurquoiseSky]

Thank you for this important video. I am 59 and never had children. However, I have several nieces and nephews who I was involved with when they were growing up. I enjoy being an aunt. I have never regretted not having kids. One of my nieces and her husband decided to not have children and she said they get funny looks when they tell people that. I'm sorry to hear that as I was hoping their generation wouldn't go through the judging that my generation went through. When I was younger, I even had men tell me that I won't be fulfilled if I don't have kids when I would tell them I wasn't sure if I was going to have kids or not.

[@lisaong3734]

I'm 64, lve had 3 children. None have children, except 1 step daughter. I understand mother's who have put in the work for their children to want grandchildren it can bring a lot of joy. But times have changed. For many of us parents are not going to experience grandchildren. Worldwide the birth rate has gone down. A lot of women can't get pregnant these days. Men's sperm count is down to. But your right you have a right to chose and don't have to explain yourselves.

[@transitionsnc]

We don't talk enough about what a stressor having kids is on a relationship...You have to really want to do it.

[@AditiSpectra]

Fact

[@marie-pascalepailler5414]

60 and childless by choice. One of the best decisions in my life.! I have faced a lot of incomprehension and was often pointed as 'selfish' but never from my parents who supported me, especially my father.I do agree with all you said. Thanks a lot. A big hug from Poggio di Venaco, 😉 ( ring a bell to you?) where I am currently visiting my family. I am an expat for almost 20 years, first London, now Amsterdam.😘😘

[@sabine824]

It's interesting, I'm now 52 and I never had anyone questions me about not having children. There is many women here where I live who don't have kids. We don't even talk about it. They are free spirit with unique path. I love my quiet, my freedom, not taking care of anyone because I give a lot to the world with my work and in general but when I'm home it's my time. We all have different needs and desires. I never cared what people think of me, I have always followed my truth and path. I'm a free spirit. Thank you for your beautiful sharing.😘

[@Alexacapetown]

Where do you live?

[@sabine824]

In San Francisco

[@The_Wellness_Well]

I have one and he is the best thing I did in my life but sooo happy I stopped at 1!!! Lol I personally think there are people in the world who are made for 0,1,2,3,4,5 etc kids 😊

[@sabine824]

@@The_Wellness_Well Yes we all do what is right for us. I don't understand why people care so much about others life. So much control and trying to put people in Boxes.

[@The_Wellness_Well]

@@sabine824 I think we all judge in a way or another and at some point in life, some evolve and become more understanding and others get stuck in the old ways thinking 🤷‍♀️ I personally started to get over the judgments and differences in opinion and realize that as I am not perfect, they are not too = don’t care to much about others opinion 😉

[@veroniquebonorchis1227]

Well said 👏👏👏I'm turning 50 next month, happily married with no kids, and that was my choice and one that I don't regret!

[@darlenegoodwin]

My youngest sister took her life in 1990 at 21 after being married and having a little girl who's now 33 , and she wasn't just having postpartum depression she also had toxic family relationships with her husband and mother in law. I for one never desired to have a child and I had fibroids and had a hysterectomy in 2007 at 41 so kids were an afterthought. I have no regrets whatsoever and I'm now 57 and I'm in a relationship for 14 years with a man who has grown children and grandchildren and great grandchildren as well who loves me back.

[@lebam4650]

Sorry about your sister

[@darlenegoodwin]

@@lebam4650 thank you

[@whitney_Drew]

Omg I’m crying. I feel so heard and seen. I’m so happy with my fiancé and our relationship that I want to maintain our lifestyle of hiking and traveling in peace. I I did have that chat with my fiancé that I may not what children and he said if kids aren’t in the cards for us that’s okay so I know I’m marrying the right partner!! I’m a full time nanny so I love children but I see first hand how hard it is to have children and how much dedication it takes and at the end of the day I get to go home to my quiet and clean house. I also enjoy it being just my fiancé. People think I’m selfish for thinking that way but I also have to put into account I was diagnosed with bipolar and I also don’t want to pass those mental health issues down to my child. I don’t want to be called selfish for choosing myself, my relationship, my love for hiking and traveling over raising a family.

[@txspacemom765]

I applaud the women who speak out about this. I am in my late 40's and it was so taboo, even 20 to 30 years ago. I am so glad there is a more vocal generation out there, willing to say it out loud and you have an entire group of women, with children or not, who are behind you. I was literally silenced by many women. Go sister!

[@joejackson7601]

Silenced, that's saying nicely...some female parents will gang up against you... like a pack of hyenas...smh

[@marvin2678]

You like women destroying society ? Yourr oroud of it ?

[@edenc1984]

I made a choice early on in my life and today as a 39 year old woman I know I’ve made the right choice to not have children. To see young women speaking out brings be joy. I love my nieces and nephews and have never been career oriented and I had a great childhood…..I just never had the desire to raise a child. It’s time we spoke out! We have to kill the stigmatism that ALL women want kids because they biologically have the ability. Keep speaking out 💕

[@jsevestjanova]

I personally just do not like children. Babies make me extremely uncomfortable. Toddlers are so loud and will just screech this ear piercing screech for noooo fucking reason man 😂. People get sooo mad when I say I don't like kids. Get over it lol! Some people don't like dogs and I don't give them shit for it. And I'm totally a dog person. It's literally no different. People have preferences. That's being said I'll make a disclaimer and I shouldn't even have to say this but I will. Just because I don't like kids DOES NOT MEAN I would ever be an asshole to a small child, joke about or encourage violence toward children etc. I feel like I'm actually a huge advocate of children being treated like the little humans they are. I just hate when they scream on planes or are the center of attention at an event that is not child friendly. Nothing about being a parent appeals to me.

[@rowanelessar5892]

I am SO grateful for this video and topic of discussion! I also never felt that, even with my personal opinions and feelings on the matter, giving birth was in the cards for me. It never felt right. I am also grateful that YOU opened up this discussion and in the way that you did, where you're not judging the other side of the coin, because it would be difficult for me not to come from that place at this point in my life. One of the BIGGEST reasons I feel so strongly against giving birth is because, even from a very young age, I've been acutely aware of the bigger picture, that giving birth is not just a big decision for one's personal life, but also for our communities and the planet. We have overpopulated the Earth and are overproducing, depleting its natural resources and accelerating climate change and global warming. Underneath that, there are already SO MANY children that have been born into this world and have been abandoned for one reason or another, not just by their parents, but by their communities and society as a whole. How can I bring another life form into this world after considering even just those factors alone?That being said, if I do ever have a kid, I would invest in adoption. I would rather do my part to give a child in need the chance at a good, loving life -- to have a home, than continue the cycle of turning a blind eye to that injustice. Getting into the more personal reasons: yeah, finances are a serious thing to consider when thinking about having kids. Whether you rely on government assistance programs (there is absolutely no shame on anyone that does, especially since MOST people are struggling despite how hard they work) or not, having and supporting children is EXPENSIVE! Can you support them? Furthermore, going through pregnancy and childbirth does take a toll on a woman's body. Not every woman wants to go through that, and that's OKAY. I certainly don't want to put my body through that. That's MY choice.

[@KristenMelissa]

You bring up some very good points 🙏

[@MoniquefromTheNetherlands]

What a good response and what good reasons. 🙏 I decided 33 years ago not to have children because of my health. Because I think if you want children, you should also be able to take care of them. And that was the best decision I could make. I also decided that time that I wanted to go through life as a Happy Single. And I love that too. When I look at how the world has developed during that time. I am also very happy that I have not brought children into the world. We humans are destroying the world. In many ways, humanity would have to take some big steps back to save the Earth. Not a new Mobile every time. Don't always follow fashion. And much more, but then my message becomes too long. 😉

[@dianegray2515]

You are absolutely right. I loved your video. I am 66 and I do have a child, which I had later in life (age 35) and love very much. However, for a very long time when I was young, I felt exactly as you do even though all my friends were having children. I loved being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted and having the peace and quiet I truly enjoy. As you said, it is an extremely important decision and not to be taken lightly. I admire you for being you!!

[@starshiptrooper4455]

Totally agree with you about parenthood - it is a personal choice. From my experience people from certain cultures and religions weave this narrative of womanhood into acceptance, so women have kids to belong. It takes a lot of strength to challenge what is promoted as ‘normal’ to be authentically you. And with that clock ticking pressure, women fear not making the right choice only to regret it later. Really life is about having little time but seizing the moments that light you up. The thing that can hurt men and women is being shamed for being childless. That said, people also get shamed for being single, like being in a relationship is meant to be the secret ingredient for completeness, which is BS. What is hurtful is people who are presumptuous and judgemental and carefree spreading venomous ideas on what normal looks like. Being a good parent also takes work and there are a lot of adults damaged by parents who ticked a box and met societal expectations and should never have had the privilege of having children.

[@lisaong3734]

I'm one of those damaged ones

[@helenawoods]

❤❤❤ so much love to you@@lisaong3734

[@helenawoods]

Brilliantly said. And something I didn't even think about. So true 🙌

[@starshiptrooper4455]

@@lisaong3734 know that there is more that is meant for you and keep showing up for you until you see that you are worth more. Nobody gives us value, I think that it is something we must all strive to create for ourselves. Presently I’m caring for a sick mother that tells me she hates me daily or that I’m worthless and my siblings are more important. Duty can be a real ball and chain. But like Helena said, it is mental programming and we can all change that. I know there’s a way out of the emotional fog for everyone. Sending you a virtual hug!

[@lisaong3734]

@@helenawoods Thankyou

[@AnnalisaJ]

I also knew very early on that I would not have kids. I have always been honest with myself, while many women want kids, there are also many that have kids because of this invisible script of what society expect. I received a lot of judgment and even lost friendships over it, and I am ok with it. Some even assume that you can’t have kids and feel pity for you. Honestly I stopped explaining myself, but truth be told I don’t own anyone a reason for my choices with my life… I have a fabulous marriage just like you and Alex, and we treasure all the adventures, the precious time together, the independence we chose and also the spontaneity of going on a trip at the last moment without much planning. We do however want dogs and all of the animals! 🤣 And for those who say “but who will take care of you when you are old?”, well ME I am taking care of me. Bottom line I respect your choice to have kids, please respect mine not to have them. This video was spot on! Direct and honest. -Annalisa ✨

[@Dumbbellsandcoffee]

As a childfree woman, I understand the part in the beginning about ppl assuming we don’t want children because of bad childhoods--but to that I say so what? If a woman doesn’t have kids because of her own childhood, NOT having a child is not only her prerogative, it’s also a decision that’s not harming one, nor is it immoral. ❤

[@susanbertrand8620]

I am so grateful to live in a time where we have the choice. I choose to be an amazing Auntie. I have worked with kids for 20+ years, spend time with the neighbour kids, help out all my friends with children. I just love to be an Auntie, it makes me very happy. No regrets.

[@donaldccook8899]

I appreciate your explanation of not having kids. I am the father of a daughter who has chosen to not have children. She and her husband made the decision together. I was not aware of this until a year after they were married. I intellectually understand and can accept this, however, emotionally I feel hurt as this means I will never be a grandfather as she was an only child. I have looked forward to having a grand child for many years. I lost my dear wife 13 years ago and in my mind having a grandchild would help to fill that void. I know this is my selfish desire as I look at my friends who have grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. I have always supported her in everything she has done. I support her in this decision even though in one way I feel a loss of something I have never had. I have always told her to enjoy her adventure in life. This happens to be her adventure and she is happy about it. I'm still processing this for me. I still love her and will always support her in her choices.

[@suzy1750]

Several of my friends have children and a few of them have told me that if they had it to do over, they would not have kids. It definitely can happen, that regret. It doesn't for all women by any means but it does happen and it seems to me that the women who do regret it are the ones that had kids because it was what they felt they were supposed to do or were afraid that they would regret not doing it. The ones that don't regret it are the ones that say that they always knew they wanted kids....so while I'm sure there are cases where a woman had a baby for reasons other than truly wanting one and ended up being really happy with that choice, you can't rely on that happening. People should listen to those doubts if they have them and really do some serious soul-searching before having a kid unless they know, without doubt, it is something they want to do...

[@incorectulpolitic]

99% of them regret

[@ZFern9390]

I found it interesting you mentioned some women assume you "dont love your husband enough to have a child with him ". Funny , not funny, because a lot of the time that very man will not contribute to the very quality of that childs livelyhood that is required for the child to be a healthy productive person. Women get stuck holding the child rearing bag!!! Women are more likely to fall into poverty after having a child with a man. This topic really needs to be discussed! Kudos to you young women for explaining to young girls and women to really examine the topic before going into parenthood. I have had this discussion with my two sons to be very thoughtful before deciding to or unintentionally have a child.

[@valeriew4833]

And with so many under achieving men out there, the woman may also be left holding the bag financially as well. So the child, home, and income are all her responsibility

[@libertysprings2244]

What's strange is I have listened to male KZbinrs who can just say no, they've never wanted kids. And that's it. No one asks them any more questions. Yet women need an hour long explanation. I have 3 kids and love it, but it's not for everyone. It's a huge responsibility like you said.

[@monicapradanos]

Thanks for talking about this topic. I've been so sure that I don't want to have kids since I remember, but every single time I talked about it, people told me that I was young, of course not now but yes in the future. And I was like: no, I'm saying I just don't have the desire. And since I am a Primary School teacher, my colleagues have always been astonished saying: "But you are a teacher!" Uh, and what? I love kids and I love teaching, but I don't have any kind of wish regarding being a mum. Crazy... Finally, people I know have understood I was talking seriously. I'm glad I see now that I'm not the only woman with this desire of not having kids.

[@nataliebennett3221]

Thank you so much for this thoughtful, comprehensive, and empowering video ❤ As a woman in general, and especially as someone who has always loved and worked with children for most of my working life, I’ve been met with a lot of confusion and judgment from others (and confusion and judgment on myself!) about not wanting children of my own. I’m so fortunate to have a husband, family, friends, and online communities who support and encourage whatever decisions I make. I’m working on becoming more comfortable with them as well ❤ I really appreciate and resonate with everything you’ve said on here, and especially your saying that just because you love something, doesn’t mean it’s for you. Thanks, Helena, for being a voice for the childfree community and for inspiring confidence in me. I love your videos and also your Instagram page! 💕

[@indiarose7529]

I recently read that after having a child a women’s telomeres shrink by 4.2 percent which equates to 10 years of vitality, beauty & longevity 😎. Just in case anyone needed that extra bit of validation 😌

[@tiamo_danielle]

Silence, peace, and space….I hear you, sister!! Thank you for making this video ❤

[@wordspowertarot]

I love this video. For me having children would mean ruining my life rather than enhancing it. That’s what it would feel like to me. I choose Freedom and Peace for my life. I could never wrap my head around the idea of always being a mother, having my life turn upside down when I crave my own space and freedom. I wouldn’t be able to have that luxury and I think I would feel terrible wanting all that and having someone completely depend on me. The child would deserve better than that. So much more than what I could offer. We all have different lives that require of our energies to go in other directions. Some of us would not be able to fulfill a purpose here by being parents. I also believe that just because you can have them means that it’s the right thing to do. I do love children very much but they require all that I cannot give except for love. But it is my belief that love is not enough when raising a child, eventually a whole person. We are humans, we need so many things to be in balance emotionally and physically and spiritually. Maybe a village is required and each of us can offer something in those areas. To those women who are considering NOT having children, pay attention to your intuition. You may have to mourn the loss of not having something that maybe once you thought you did, or never wanted, or felt pressured to have, but it’s part of the acceptance process and I feel it is normal to go through a moment like that. Please listen to your intuition. Some of us can be better mothers without having a child of our own. We can be nurturing in other areas. A warm hug to everyone!!! 🩷🩷🩷

[@cheyenneduck2879]

It’s also good to know that there are people out there that feel the same way that I do

[@joancollins6207]

Thank you Helena for sharing your thoughts and passion! I really respect and admire your honesty and authenticity. I always knew that I wanted to have a child. Yes, only one. And for all the wrong reasons, that I don't want to go into here. I ended up having more than one.They are adults now. And although I 'love' them all, I certainly don't like everything about them, or what they say or act like sometimes. I do often think that in an alternative universe somewhere, what would my life have been like, if I had no children? What would my career and lifestyle choices look like? Now that my children are adults, with nil responsibilities needed from me, I have deliberately taken my life back, and am unapologetically selfish. I choose me. And am living my best life. Xo

[@mimzyLassiter]

Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU! I agree with EVERYTHING you said on this subject and you were very eloquent with it. I agree, ESPECIALLY, in this critical time when women’s very own bodily autonomy is being dangerously legislated…which is STUNNING. Women need each other more than ever. It has ALWAYS boggled my mind how people…and WOMEN, no less, feel they have a horse in the race of other women’s lives when it comes to the personal choice surrounding motherhood. If ANYONE should understand another woman’s desire NOT to want to have children, it should be other women…with NO assumptions or judgments. Deciding to have children is very personal, a highly INDIVIDUAL choice. MEN…should shut the hell up in these matters, as they are the very ones trying to control women’s bodies and therefore their lives. We don’t need women doing the same for other women. You gave great examples as to why a woman wouldn’t want children…HER choice. And this is different for each woman. And what’s even more audacious to me is, not a one of those people passing judgment on YOUR LIFE, will be there HAVING that baby, nor will they be there for the lifelong massive, financial, physical, and emotional responsibility it will take to raise that or those children. The BIGGEST misconception ever to me is this assumption that a woman is not a woman unless she’s pushed a watermelon sized being out of her body or have one cut out. God gave women brains and the ability of free thought, a soul, and the right and ability to make her own choices. Women were not put here on this earth JUST to be someone’s wife or mother. A uterus is NOT all that women are about. Having children…or not, is a personal, individual choice. PERIOD! I’m hoping there will be more discussion about this AND that it will remind women what is at stake come the presidential election of November 2024. Keep in mind that the Republican Party is ALSO discussing banning birth control. Reallllyyyyy think about that…and let it sink in.

[@valeriew4833]

Abstinence is the answer for me

[@EmiliesPiano]

I have always wondered if you were childfree by choice, So happy you have come out with this video. You are validating those of us who have happily made this choice, and are helping to reduce stigma. Thank you for all of your videos! They are so comforting and peaceful to watch. 🙏🏻✌🏼❤

[@JustanotherYoutuber771]

Thank you so much for this video!! I’m a 20 year old woman and I’ve gotten all sorts of sh*t from people for saying I don’t want children. It makes me cry sometimes thinking about how I’ll probably never hear the end of it. It feels so good to hear from people who feel the same way❤️❤️

[@incorectulpolitic]

Breeding is murder. Breeders are terrorists.

[@ilianaboheme]

Hi Helena! It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to understand that my desire of being a mom in adulthood has shifted. I love children, but like you, my husband and I take parenting very seriously. We have millions of reasons to want, or not to want to be a parent. Also, some people feel it and some people don’t. It’s that simple! I love that more and more we are talking about the different options that we have to live our adult life being true to ourselves. Cheers for us! ;)

[@Nicole-secret-gardener]

Thank you so much for this video. I am 28 years old, and the older I am getting, the more I am figuring out myself and what I want out of life. And a few months ago I realised, I don't think I want to have children. Then the more I thought about it, the more strongly I felt about being childfree, like within my soul/deep within me that it was a good path for me. Your reasons really resonated with me, and I just found this so validating and encouraging. When I brought up with my mom that I may not have children, she was quick to say things like "your partner might decide later they do want kids and leave you for a younger woman, but it will be too late for you", and "Your partner is an only child, consider how terrible it will be for his parents, you will be crushing their dreams of being grandparents". But I don't think it's ok that a woman would only have a child because of fear of being left, or fulfilling someone else's expectations. I'm not a "womb on legs" and my value is not defined by whether or not I have children. I have 3 siblings and I sincerely hope at least one of them has children because I would love to be an auntie. I like children. But I also like peace and quiet and feeling free. I don't want the responsibility and life changes that come with parenthood. Completely agree with you about taking it seriously because it is a huge commitment. Really enjoyed this video, thanks again 😊

[@Letsdothisthing]

💕Our lives, our choices.

[@helenawoods]

Yes!! Hear hear 👏

[@kameliat7704]

I'm so glad you're addressing this topic, Helena! I've known my life journey will be childless since 9 years old. I keep asking myself the question every year in case something would change, but now at my 34 the answer is still a certain NO. Like yourself, the freedom and quiet and simplicity of daily life are the main reasons. Having found a loving partner who shares the same view is such a blessing! Yay 🤩

[@subisurian]

Helena...here I am sitting n listening to you and nodding to every statement you are making. I am so proud of you for being so honest with every word you are saying.. its powerful.. I am 38 yrs old married with no kids.. n I know the battles that I had gone through to just be like this.. thanks for this video..

[@Con_blue]

I feel like once people hear that you don't want kids they want to get deeper and debate you as you said, but i try to avoid that because I KNOW that if we "get deep" i will definately "win" in any debate or argument about this topic. And i know giving them hard facts could make them see a reality they are not ready to admit and face and i would not like to hurt them. Also when you said "some women just want peace" i FELT that in my soul! I absolutely NEED silence and i know a baby crying once in my house would send me off the rails! 😂

[@donnakallies4152]

I an an only child over 70 and never had nor wanted kids. I don’t know of anyone my age in this situation. I have a husband who has 2 adult children with 2 grandchildren who live nearby. I I’m pretty active and enjoy being in their lives and following their achievements. I’ve often analyzed and wondered how I could’ve changed to have wanted kids, buying into that belief that something must be wrong and should be analyzed to figure out why not kids. I just knew that I didn’t. I would think: Maybe if I had had therapy, maybe if I just did it, dove in… I’ve not regretted it,. Your saying ‘some people don’t want kids because they just don’t want kids’ was brilliant and said so much. That being said, there are different challenges to be faced when one is much older in this situation. Your video was one of the best, if that is possible.

[@eimearclarke9238]

Love this and love your open, honest and thoughtful insights on this subject. I have no idea why other women get so offended when I say I don’t want to be a parent and take my life in that direction.. but it likely has a lot to do with projection and their own issues. I totally resonate with a lot of your reasons for choosing a different path. I’m a teacher and I adore children - though that has very little to nothing to do with influencing my decision not to have a biological child. Taking on the full time role of being a mother was one I carefully considered and weighed up over a long period of time and it just never felt right for me. I also have to say I agree that a lot of content going around seems to be this really ugly competition of who’s happier - parents or childfree people and it’s quite grotesque! We are all unique souls! ❤

[@triggered577]

The reason this is so controversial is because those of who refuse to have children (for whatever reason, doesn’t matter why) are completely autonomous and able to live independently from men. The millennial generation is the first generation in human history where the option to control and/or dispose of our reproductive functions was an option and a culture that believes women are on this planet as subordinates and broodmares to the other does not want women to have this option. Side note- I strongly disagree that children and parenthood are amazing and wonderful. A lot of children are a hot mess and got that way because they have sorry parents. I think it’s reasonable to judge people for their decision to have children in the event that they are not suitable for parenthood bc reckless, irresponsible breeding is quite literally the worst social issue in all of society. Just imagine how many problems we would NOT have if the only people who procreated were those who actually had the social, emotional, financial, and intellectual capacity to raise healthy, well rounded children into respectable adults.

[@joejackson7601]

Correct, female offspring are programmed at very early ages to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers, easy bake ovens, taking care of younger offspring etc...male offspring are programmed to play play play.

[@tinfoilhomer909]

I'm glad you made this video. I am a man in a country that makes it surprisingly hard to get good contraception. And that's AUSTRALIA. I get really afraid around children, I always demand there's a camera or a witness, I never want to spend time alone with them. My mother hurt me a lot and blamed others. I still flinch when people try to hug me because the only time she did was in public, in private I was like a boxing bag. My kid needs a loving family and I didn't feel I could provide one. I was born in the 90s and I begged my doctor for a vasectomy since my 18th birthday. I asked for ten years in a row for control over my own fertility. My doctor told me my parents were attractive and he wanted to know what my kids would look like, no joke. When a doctor tells a 28 year old man he cannot consent to vasectomy, it cuts deeper than kinfe in the balls. I absolutely hate medics now. They look at me like a farmer looks at a sheep.

[@amalyah46]

Im 61yrs old. I do not regret not having children

[@gasoline5071]

Based

[@amalyah46]

@@gasoline5071 what does based mean?

[@GoldLynther]

​@@amalyah46that you rock!

[@freedommatters7677]

@@amalyah46it’s a compliment :)

[@buzzlightyearlight1247]

@@GoldLynther The law should require everyone to have kids or else gel-time or de penalty. The governments job to protect its citizens and not preventing a low birth rate causes harm. You’re being unfair to society by not caring about the declining birth rate

[@sofiacosta1897]

Great topic Helena! Very important to talk about this. Much love to you!

[@Lilboozibert]

What a wonderful, poised, and welcoming response from you! This is one of the most mature videos I have ever seen. ❤ I never wanted kids. All of us were born without kids and I never opted in. It just...never occurred to me to have children or get married. That would be my answer to people asking WHY DON'T YOU HAVE KIDS 😡?! except only a handful of people have ever asked (all were sorry babymama-drama men wanting to ensnare a woman forever). There were also girls in high school who said I'd have kids, but I don't blame them. The two most vocal antinatalist of our friends ending up having kids. It's okay to change your mind...unless the child is already born.

[@AAAFFF01]

Thank you so much for this video! ❤ I love your passion and strength about the topic of pursuing what's right for oneself. It is something I miss often for myself - but I am working on it. 😊

[@OrangeVilla]

Live, and let live. I’m with you on that, Helena. ❤

[@iffat_jamal]

I can't believe that you exist,i thought I'm the only women who doesn't want kids, it literally felt like,the words are mine but spoke by you,the literal same feelings i have, each word is felt by my soul

[@mikuavoooooo]

First of all, thank you for makings this video. You are such a brave woman for sharing this. I know this video will help a lot of women realize we should support each other instead of judging each other. I really love that you are respectful and encouraging everyone to honer other people's decision and our own. I really agree with you that we need to stop judging each other and respect our own decisions and others. People who are pointing fingers at others are probably not respecting themselves and might not know that they also do and can take ownership of their life. I am from Japan and a lot of women feel pressure to follow what's "normal" and they don't know they have a choice. So if you say "I dont want children" you will be questioned as a person / woman. And they make assumptions like you mention. Because here in Japan, a lot of people still think that women are useless and not contributing if they don't have kids and it is absolutely not true. We are here to live our own life. Period. I really REALLY hope that we can create a world where we support each other and be more thoughtful of others before quickly jumping into conclusions or assumptions. I will try to talk about this with people around me like you said. I wish every woman on this earth watched this video !!!!!!! You have such a great energy to empower others and i love it ❤ Thank you!!!!!!🎉

[@nancyesposito1020]

This is such an important video thank you for doing! I have only met a few people who understand why I chose not to have children. I personally felt I could not do the job well if my heart wasn't totally into it! I didn't marry until I was thirty-two perhaps if I had married younger I might have considered it but honestly I always felt in my heart I didn't want children. I felt because I suffer from anxiety that it would just be too much stress and I would be miserable and the child would be miserable so I wanted to prevent an unhappy childhood and then unhappy mother! I think a lot of women are very judgmental and have an attitude because many of them didn't have a choice or didn't really think about it. It just happened so quickly and the life that they thought was theirs was immediately gone! It is all-consuming and you do give up a lot of yourself and I think a lot of women after the initial having the baby and being in the spotlight the reality of the job sets in and it is the most difficult job in the world and they have a fantasy of the way it's going to be which ends up being quite different! I'm sure some others or envious of a free spirit and time people have chosen not to have children have. It's a trade-off there are upsides and downsides to each decision. But I believe they're truly are some people who should not be parents you should have really thought it out before they decided or before it happened! What really bothers me the most is when I have discussions with mother's for example of family member about issues with raising children they respond like you don't have children how could you have an opinion or understand the situation! I don't have children but I have common sense and I have a lot of knowledge about practical issues and just general experience in life and that does allow me to have an opinion on issues that affect children. Or sharing ideas that might work versus what they're currently doing.

[@NephieMarie007]

Hey Helena..I always knew i didnt want children i think it was mostly anxiety and worrying about everything..but i know i was always scared mostly because i saw friends who had kids and the husband/man/bf left her and the kid and she had to figure it out on her own..i never wanted to experience that..also the way the world is i didnt want a kid to be in it..i totally respect both sides for or against..women arent just for having children and they have goals and dreams too other than being a housewife!! 🥰

[@joejackson7601]

Females are programmed at very early ages to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers, easy bake ovens etc...they believe that's what their suppose to do...smh

[@ruthbanon6049]

Children is amazing for women who are suited for it. I am not. I had kids because that was what everyone did. I was not wise enough to know myself and not brave enough to go against the flow. It was a nightmare. I regret it. I put in a huge effort, which would have gotten me better results had I invested the efforts in things that are authentic for me. Kids are a huge effort and investment and better left to people who are cut out for it. Too late for me but hats off to Helena who knows what I did not at the time. I remarried after 50 and have no children with the current husband. It is the best marriage I have had and I know as a fact that having kids would ruin our otherwise very successful partnership and friendship.

[@danieladeutsch1708]

Thank you so much, my sweet mermaid for your thoughts and opinions. This is a very sensitive topic and you are very brave to talk about it. I think that it is important to tell ladies, that feel pressured to have babies but not want to, that it is OK. Your first responsibility is yourself. You are not selfish! I keep it short (because I get ask it so many times why I don´t have any): You don´t owe nobody an explanation! As Diane Keaton said: "I didn´t wanted to have children until I was 50 (she adopted 2 then), because I, myself enjoyed so much TO BE a child until then." I say: "YES! Why not?!" (Love her so much) Be good to yourself. You are not alone. Thank you again, mermaid, sending sunny warm hugs to you. XX 🐞🌺🌻🌼🍀❤

[@linkfan160]

I love this video so much. It was like hearing my exact thoughts coming out of someone elses mouth. Thank you for this! There is nothing wrong with not having kids by choice!!!

[@ritaanderson819]

I love this ❤❤❤!! I love your point about having different paths and dreams and following them authentically.

[@sluttyhoe1972]

I know im only 18, but ive been saying i dont want kids since I was 7 years old. I have no desire and the thought of raising a child is overwhelming and too pressuring. I want to enjoy life and be the cool auntie. Just because someone doesn't want kids doesn't mean they hate kids. It's honestly no ones business whether they want kids or not. I also saw where women have kids at a very young age and they recieve hate or slut shammed for being a young mom. The way society treats us women is beyond disgusting!

[@PooppieCannibalism]

Not to mention even if a woman is pregnant, they still get shamed.

[@sluttyhoe1972]

@@PooppieCannibalism Oh I know, it's disgusting. They're either called a whore any nasty names or make smart comments about where the dad or whom, it's no one's business who the dad is. I defend any women out there. Why so much hate and hypocrisy? It's 2023 and I still can't believe women are still being treated like shit.

[@suebotchie4167]

AMEN!!!!

[@jadesonderwald6264]

You are so right girl. I feel you. Seriously I still don’t get it why most women are so obsessed of having kids…

[@fiammalujan5073]

I wish I had known there wasn’t something wrong with me for not wanting a kid before being pressured into having a kid.

[@deeporter7369]

I appreciate you sharing your viewpoint on choosing a childfree lifestyle. Very well articulated and fair. Thank you. I am 68 years old, married for over 30 years and childfree by choice. I made the right decision for me and have never regretted it. Childless men aren't judged nearly so harshly as women. Maybe the folks who judge childless women ought to put their effort and energy into helping abused and neglected kids....Maybe that's who they ought to judge.

[@mauriciofernandorojas4248]

So intelligently said. All my respects to you. Some men are thinking the same. Thanks for putting this out there. 💕💕💕💕💕

[@iffat_jamal]

I just wanna hug you for speaking up, i have same feelings with same intensity and sensitivity. It just looks like you spoke but words and emotions were mine. Love from Pakistan

[@MyDuckSaysFucc]

You are apologizing too much to these parents. Creating a life is not a neutral choice, in fact it can become an extremely harmful decision in many cases. Look at school shooters for example - some of these crappy parents really expect us, the world as a whole to put up with their kids even if they pick up a gun and start shooting teachers and other kids. Many lifelong medical conditions can be traced all the way back to childhood trauma. I for one know a lot of us would have preferred not to ever existed in the first place. So please do not act like parenthood is a neutral or positive choice. At best, it’s like someone buying a puppy, even though there are many dogs in need of homes in shelters. It is a selfish decision someone chooses for one’s self, to fill a void that they could have filled more creatively. Maybe one day the world population will be low enough that having kids is more beneficial, as it stands you are just creating more people to end up homeless on the streets.

[@parnia8475]

We need more representation of childfree women. This was extremely refreshing. PREACH.

[@healingwithart1352]

Thanks so much for this video Helena! I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m almost 33 years old, married for 4 years and childfree. We have 38 chickens and 2 chihuahuas in the country. We’re so happy with our lifestyle. But when my husband and I were dating we thought we would have children. We both thought about what we wanted and decided we don’t want children. We get to travel when we want and support our parents and friends with kids. ❤

[@saralikeskiwi]

Your delivery of this message is on point. At the end of the day, it should be about every person's freedom to choose or not choose parenthood, for themselves and their circumstances, without outside pressure or judgement. Nobody can deny that becoming a parent is a major commitment and life-altering decision with important implications for one's resources, relationship, and, for biological mothers, their bodies and minds. If it's not an enthusiastic yes, it should be a no, because every child deserves a willing and invested parent that is well-prepared and has made the choice thoughtfully. A lot of harm is done when people try to push major life decisions on reluctant others. We could live more harmoniously if everyone could just focus on their own lives, be their authentic selves, and let others do the same. I love children and have dedicated my career to working with them, but there's a huge difference between liking children and wanting to be a mom. With the pace at which I prefer to live, I cannot and do not want to, "do it all." There are experiences I want more than that of motherhood. I don't want the time-consuming task of motherhood to take away from my community involvement, friendships, career, travels and the quality time with my husband that I currently enjoy. I really resonated with what you said about your marriage -- I adore my husband and our relationship and it does not feel like anything is missing; I don't feel compelled to add to it w/ a child.

[@vanillapop21]

I totally agree about the societal pressure to have kids, and the assumption that every woman wants to be a mother. I am 35, and have been seeing an endocrinologist for my thyroid every year since I was 21. When I reached my late 20s/early 30s, he started asking if I had any pregnancies planned, because if so, he could help me adjust my medication. Each year, I felt like his question got more and more forceful. When I saw him last year, he followed up his usual question with, “So your family is complete??” I just said “Yes,” and luckily he dropped the subject. He is an older man, and I just knew that if I tried to explain that not only am I single, but also that I have known my entire life I never wanted to have children, that this would not go over well. Maybe now that I am 35, the questions about having children will finally stop. We will see. I suppose if it becomes unbearable, I can just find a different doctor.