Childhood Abuse Is Why I Estranged (Pain and Relief) | Ep.139

[@eq2092]

Just went No Contact with my mother. I was neglected and physical abused by her. I was sexually abused by a next door neighbor due to the neglect. I just can't deal with my mother anymore. Looking for a therapist but I haven't found one yet. There was a Boundary Violation that she ignored I was triggered and went off on her. That was the straw that broke the camels back but I still feel guilty about it.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi, I am so sorry this happened to you, I understand. It is internally conflicting to cut off our mothers. I am hearing a lot from other ACs that part of it is about really wanting our moms to be the moms we deserve. Sometimes, we just keep hoping for it. Unfortunately, for some ACs, it just does not happen, and ACs are left hurt and disappointed. Then, when they cut ties, they feel bad about it. Does this resonate with you?

[@eq2092]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement yes it does. My goal is to move on from my parents to the point of indifference.

[@mmorin881]

@@eq2092 I get it. Please also be sure to prioritize your well-being. Keep doing the work to process. It's a good idea to deal with the triggers for your own sake. Keep me posted, please.

[@MegansMomLife]

Hi Marie. Thank you for your support on this difficult topic. My son is 20 (estranged 10 months ago) and I also have 2 little girls 5 and 3 who he lived in the home with for their whole lives up to the day he estranged. He left one day saying he be back and never returned so it was very abrupt for all of us. They girls mention him often and it’s hard to know what to say or how to explain at their ages and also I don’t have answers for them as far as if we will ever see him again. Do you have any advice or would you be interested in making a video on how to talk to younger siblings about the estrangement or how it could potentially affect them? Another topic suggestion would be coping with holidays/special occasions without them. Something that is extremely difficult… and another is how to handle their belongings that they have left behind. My son abandoned all of his things in our home and refuses to respond about what to do with them. Also their childhood keepsakes, crafts they made as kids etc. I find that to be very hard to deal with and sometimes so want to throw things away because it’s so painful to see.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi MegansMomLife, I am sorry you and the girls are going through this. First, thank you for your suggestions for videos. I appreciate this greatly. You could tell the girls that your son is away for a while. If they ask when he will return, could you tell them you are unsure but hope he will return soon? Keeping it simple and answering their concerns without adding your anxieties or worries to your response is essential. I get it. Having your son pick up and leave without a word must be hard. If they are missing him, you can suggest they create cards to give him when he returns. He is young, and he will likely miss his family and return. This depends on what was behind his desire to leave. Most kids want to have their family; they may need a pause for many reasons. I have a blog on my website on holidays. morinholistictherapy.com/?s=holidays. Let me know if this helps.

[@deniseirish8913]

My Dad was abusive but I never cut ties with him.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing that you did not cut ties. I suppose each person finds the path they are able to live with. May I ask how you are feeling about the relationship now?

[@tonyburton419]

Yes, obviously, this is all true. But what about the mother's spiteful agenda of destroying the image they have of their father? Your assertions here are very one-sided - if I went through how this estrangement developed, all you state here would not be accurate. This might apply to others, but only to a few. This video is a complete change of attitude compared to previous videos. The major irony here is that It is only those parents who WERE as abusive as you describe here who would be LESS likely to even watch your videos and messages.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Thanks Tony I appreciate your perspective. Is it possible the video will apply to the victims and not the victimizer. What are your thoughts on the likelihood that individuals who would harm someone, their children, would want to learn and change? The title explains the focus is on the adult child who experienced the abuse. I appreciate your writing. Is there a specific video regarding abuse you would like to see?

[@tonyburton419]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Yes I understand that this video expresses the victims perspective, and rightly so - as insight and mentalisation skills are lacking in many parents. If someone demonstrates insight and ownership of the issues you describe then yes very cautious reconciliation, if the EAC if the latter wishes ought to be encouraged. Preferably that parent or parents perhaps need some 1-1 therapy first ? What type of parenting did they themselves have/ And have they insight. I must emphasise that your videos have been of help to myself - so thanks. In hindsight this video needed making.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

@@tonyburton419 Hi Tony, thanks again for your thoughtful comments. Taking ownership of one's behaviors is one of the most challenging things to process. All parents can use support in managing the incredible work of raising children. Some more than others. It would be awesome if parents in denial would want to gain insight.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

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