Parents can cause estrangement. I cut off my parents because they were toxic and abusive. It was bad for my mental health to have them in my lives.

Boomer parenting and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

I am sorry. This is another symptom of moral decay. Alienation is child abuse. I had an horrific childhood. I was loyal to my parents. After all the money, time, energy and love expended by parents... to turn around and treat them as strangers...is abominable. After all the sacrifice expended I would never tolerate an adult child that denied access to the grandchildren. This whole dynamic is not normal. It is dysfunctional. Other ethnicities live in multi generational households......as a norm. Let the children do better + let the cycle repeat in their own lives.

I think I have two daughters, one of who I fought and got custody of. I wanted custody of the youngest but lost that fight. Gradually she has distance herself from me. After sending gifts in the mail or by text with no response. I stopped. Really there is no time involved in a text where they say hi. Pure selfishness, and really why should I be surprised seeing the person who raised her. I only wish the judge who decided her custody had the brains to see this

I was sexually abused by my mothers sister and her husband. My mother's siblings are so toxic, especially from the residential schools that affected my family.. torn my family apart. I don't even talk to any of my aunties and uncles or cousins on my mother's side. My family on my mother side is so toxic that my own cousins are committing suicide.. My siblings are in turmoil.. I'm also trying to heal.. I watch families talk to one another and have good dinners on KZbin and I wish my family was like that. To communicate with one another instead of constantly yelling or almost even fighting... Idk what to do anymore.

Breath

Will look into this book. What if the other parent is spiteful and covertly and overtly has set out to encourage the estrangemement ? Also, what if the adult child develops a bizarre, rigid and extreme attitudes, with cognitive distortions they do not own or recognise?

Some empathy would be amazing.

Well, non of those fit in this scenario.

Both my daughters of 20 and 18 have decided to live with their father by the age of 16. When the eldest made that decision, I was in agony. My world collapsed. It collapsed again when my second daughter opted to stay with her father too. We have tried to see each other, but I am most of the time ghosted. This is agonizing and I don't know what do. I don't chase them. I don't have a social life either. I try to, but it is not successful. I am most of the time alone. I am an adult with early emotional neglect and this has become clear in the past 2 to 3 years. I sought professional help in my 20s, in my 40s and 50s, but not a single therapist questioned me about my childhood where emotional neglect, physical abuse, psychological manipulation were very present.

When your child cuts you off they don't feel remorse believe me, they feel regret and anger that they didn't have a different parent.

*It is false there is lack or poor communication* , estranged kids are always running away from narcissistic abuse. Shame on you.

Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy

My adult children were brain washed against me and they hover around my mother and not me I’m a really good mom but I’ve had two divorces thanks to cheating spouses

Not true. this only encourages hate of parents. My ed never said anything to me. she left at 15 and at 47 continues to attack and gathers family with NO input from me. or very little. she is ILL. she suffers from splitting and wanted her father who abandoned us for another woman. This is crap.

Older adults social support networks lessen. So support is not always available.

Be grateful and realize you're better off without them. Don't let them abuse you anymore.

Thank you Marie ❤

My adult daughter and I had had a blow up 9 months ago and we haven't spoken since - she wrote to me twice do not contact me or my son EVER again - my Grandson was 11 months old at the time. She had been bad mouthing me every single time I looked after him behind my back and I found out about it - we had a minor argument and I completely unleashed. I have since sought therapy to deal with the anxiety attacks I have and the grief of losing both her & my Grandson but she continues to make up disgusting stories about me and it really really hurts - we believe (my therapist & I) that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and quite severe but clearly hasn't sought help for it. We can't ever go back to the relationship we had, but I yearn for some contact and to see and hold my Grandson one more time - he really really loved me and I him and I wanted to always be a big part of his life and hers as she developed into a new mother. It take a village to raise a child and I wanted to be a part of that village along with other relatives who are also ostracized because I am

American parents seem to be mentally ill

This does not place any responsibility on the adult child. Adult relationships are two way. Therapist who encourages adult children to divorce their parents are part of the problem

how can one heal from emotional suffocation ?

Selectively attending to what matters to you, outside of the ES, is helpful towards time out from rumination/loss.

Sorry Marie, it doesn’t help. You lose your child and Grandchildren!!! Yes I do all of your advice but the adult (🤣) child won’t even have a conversation or let you know what you did is at this point a mental health issue. It’s just abuse by not letting you see your grandchildren. And giving you ultimatums like- “Go to therapy” for 180 days and maybe we can talk. Really? Is this what life is about? It’s abuse to the grandchildren and grandparents- 💯.

basic respect between people has fallen to the side. somehow it's become a belief that if you don't agree with another, you are a bad person

Thanks. Very helpful. Adult children are in a different world. They’re independent. They live with their in laws and that’s their world. Their kids in laws. Same thing. They don’t NEED the parent at all.

You lost me, fear of discussing politics, too immature.

Thank you ❤❤❤ iike❤❤

We left our Grandchildrens communion lunch because we were being spoken to rudly by the spouse and spouses family. In order to remain respectful we left. So my Son doesn't speak to us and won't let us see our Grandchildren. The spouse has never liked us even before they got married so she limited our time with them to begin with. We practically have no relationship with them to begin with. I feel this was always the goal so now they got what they wanted.

This hits so close to home. Going thru this right now with my daughter. It is so painful😢.

AMEN Roberta Wasserman. Therapists should not be encouraging cut-off unless there has been abuse. This is destroying the fabric of our society. I also agree that untreated trauma is at the root of this, as well as alienation. Cut-off is a flawed response to an inability to be able to resolve conflict and love and respect one another when views, opinions and life choices are different.

Thank you for saying how many years 4.5 years to wait & understand

I never met my 6 yr old grandson

Ive never met my 6 yr old grandchild.

Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy

Mine is alcoholics.

For the last 25 years I’ve rung my Mom every other week. She rings me on my birthday. I caught on kinda slow, but eventually decided to use her methods and ring her once a year as well. Who’s estranged from whom?

The fact that we, adult children are watching these videos and we trying to understand parents says it all. I watched multiple videos about that topic for parents and it amazes me how most parents in the comments are blaming their children that the children are disrecpecting them, and that the children are narcissistic and bad, and now parents are playing the victim role. You never see the comment that they are sorry how they treated their children when we lived at home with them. It's obvious that parents are in power in house and if they treat you like a slave or don't have basic respect for another human, don't accept us, listen to us - we stop talking, because we tried multiple times talk to parents before. Finally we cut off, and suddenly we are the bad one and they are victims. It's just a manipulation. Lately, I've been thinking about contacting my parents by email, but after rereading old emails from them, remembering things from the past, and writing them down, I find myself thinking about not doing so. I wish I had supportive peacful family/childhood. They don't know how hard it is to maintain the mental health.

I’m so Grateful for finding your site 🙏 Your post’s have helped and I now I have seeked a councillor through my surgery (in uk) They don’t have (Estrangement for loss of adult child ) But have I.P.T. Inter personal therapy . And now it’s over phone in time as waiting list shall be face to face . I take notes from your posts that which help and to work on in myself With so much Gratefulness to and your site 🙏🩷🙏

Tomorrow isn’t promised. Communication is key. It hurts too much for all this nonsense. Communicate and love unconditionally. Hear each other. Everything is NOT ONE SIDED. 2 sides…… otherwise, this video, topic and comment section wouldn’t exist. The end.

It doesn't matter if you were a great parent sometimes when they marry someone who only wants her side of family around and they go along with it ! Not much you can do about just hope they are happy and get on with it !

I know I made very bad decisions and choices when trying to raise my son .I was 22 years old and my husband his father decided he didn't want us ,it Rocked my world he was my childhood sweetheart and love of my life, I really struggled financially and he didn't help with financial aid even though court ordered and I got sick and chronic illness and I also got addicted to prescription medication and I totally messed up and I own it . I've asked for forgiveness a few times but I don't hear from him i have reached out calling, texting but I stopped i won't force myself on him and I've learned to make peace with it through prayer and I'm not that 20 something young woman now I'm glad to say I got treatment and I am totally changed, all through my 30s 40s 50s and now I'm 62 I still reach out sending cards and money gifts, but we still don't have the relationship I would like but he is respectful to me and loving when I do see him once in a great while. I Love him and miss him so much! I hope someday he can forgive me 😢 I pray about it everyday I know I hurt his heart and I'm reaping what I sowed!

So basically pretend like nothing ever happened...

Thank you for such a spot on video. Having been cut off by my 19 year old whose life is a big secret is so painful especially when you know that drugs and risky relationships are involved. The worry and stress is indescribable.

I’ve been estranged from my 2 sons for 30 plus years. The pain is unbearable. This ain’t right.

Only incompetent therapists would suggest or encourage someone to cut off from the only people in the world that has ever truely helped them, loved them and would die for them. As proved over several decades. These therapists should have their licence to practice revoked.

The estranged parents of adult children . . .are adult children as well, just for a longer time in a world that has twice as many people compared to when they were kids. Estrangement has a double edge that does not discriminate based on who does it. The result is (a loss of relationship) whether wanted or not.

Thank you. With my son it’s been almost 14 yrs did 2 tours in Iraq and one Afghanistan we were very close until he started driving by his now ex wife. My daughter she goes back and forth whenever it suits her she speaks to me. I was a drug addict since he was 4 she was 4 months old. Did it to keep their father in the marriage stopped when she was 8. I know I was good after that I went to all the events school meetings sports. She is now 38 but they both have always treated me however whenever it was convenient for them. My 2nd husband came into our lives when first divorced US for another woman then committed suicide a yr later. 2nd marriage he was abusive as well relapsed for 5 yrs with him but the kids still treat him as if he’s a king and he is still out there doing his stuff at 65 and post liver transplant but with me they just hate me. We divorced they am blamed me even knowing he cheated on me beat me they were and are aware of that he cheated with my own sister the kids caught him but I leave and they dump me again. I remarried my husband and I supported my daughter financially buying her vehicles with 3 kids already she borrowed never paid used me tremendously now my husband passed away after fighting Parkinson’s for 13 yrs cancer crept up took him 9 months ago. Left me well and my daughter was using my vulnerability of grief and one day I realized it and said no more god is yeah ing me to say no. Well she hasn’t spoken to me. She spent I allowed it but nearly $100000 in less than 7 months. So I cut it off.