Children's Psychology : How to Deal With a Dead-Beat Dad

The best way to deal with a dead-beat dad is to be gentle but realistic with the children so they do not develop conflicting emotions towards each parent. Understand the complexities of dead-beat-dad issues with information from a licensed clinical psychologist in this free video on emotional and mental health.
Expert: Dr. Craig Childress
Contact: www.drcachildress.org
Bio: Dr. Craig Childress is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of ADHD and angry-oppositional relationship disorders of childhood.
Filmmaker: Max Cusimano
Series Description: A child's psychological health is crucial during his formative years. Understand how to handle a variety of children's emotional and mental needs with help from a clinical psychologist in this free video series.

[@caramelangel9492]

My mother was always honest with me . My dad never gave a care in the world and barely paid child support. My family is technically broken but I have my own family within myself.

[@avamac7057]

Same

[@Leaptab]

My mother is a narcissist who's solution was to split my brother and me between the parents financially speaking. So she was a single mother with the both of us but she was only responsible for providing for my older brother and I was my dad's problem. Well when your dad is a deadbeat you dont get shit and miss out. What is more maddening is that he drank and smoked all they long so he had the option of using some of that money to act like a father. What is even more maddening is that he pleaded for my mother not to chase him for child support and she agreed, it's easy to make such a bullshit decision when I wasgoibg to be the one missing out and had no affect on her. So under one roof my older brother lived a 1st world mid class lifestyle whilst I was living a 3rd world life begging for food, what government aid called youth allowance gave my mother, that is all that would be spent on me. God forbid my parents actually paying a cent out of their own pocket to provide for their child. On top I was a scape goat and an outlet for abuse for everyone, even my brother got in on and it became a family past time to physically abuse me, ontop of the mental, psychological and financial abuse.At 34, I have permanent scars that where dealt by my father, mother and brother. The most fucked up thing was I was academically gifted aka wanted to please the few good adults in my life aka teachers. I for years was working towards become a veterinarian to help those who had no voice, metaphorically performing what I wish someone did for me as a child. It all went to shit when I was told by my narcissistic mother that I was to go to university or face being homeless. I know understand that because she is a narcissist that it would be a bad look for all the other kids to go of to university and for me to be working for a year to save up money for boks, stationary, clothes, living expenses. It was be er about my welbeibg or what was best for be but how it reflected on her, her image and status. I'm constantly stuck in a world of torement from the many years of abuse, trying to understand why it happened and rationalize it. The illogical can't be rationalized and it has taken me 15 years to get her where I understand people can do things just because with no reasoning behind it. To think I had the aptitude and grades to become a veterinarian which is a lot harder to get into medicine l, only to be stressed out of my mind about my high school harassing me for school fees (heavily reduce because of low income) because my dad wouldn't pay them, told them he would pay because it should be free like his education. So whilst I'm stressing out of my mind about $1000 the school is bugging me about my dad has no problem laying on the couch all day drinking and smoking at his house he inherited without a care in the world. He would spend $7000 a year on cigarettes and alcohol a year but wouldn't pay $1000 for school fees for his polite and academically gifted and hard working son. I will never get over the fact of how cruel it is that I beat my peers academically who where from rich and educated families of dentists, chiropractors, engineers, teachers, doctors only to have the most neglectful and abusive family. For many years before I knew what narcissism and gas lighting were I internalized it all as it must have been my fault, I was an extreme people please, still am to this day, that only ever got back abuse and spit in my face for being the most polite and hard working child, anything to receive the anapest amount of praise, praise that I ended up only receiving from a few teachers in my life and a couple of adults outside school. Had my father just worked a minimum wage job instead of being a drunkard, life would have turned out 100x better. I always wanted to be middle of the road, just average and not stick out, just blend in with the waste majority and nit be exceptional or stick out in anyway. They couldn't even be bothered doibg the bare minimum. Now my brother is a success and all I ha e is 15 years of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ptsd, ocd, bipolar type 2 and 10 years of suicidal ideatons. I'm so sick of this life, I hand onto hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel but it has been so long to keep believing. No even extended family who knew my mother was neglectful and my dad a unemployed alcoholic deadbeat did anything, they all well and knew and had the means to help but didn't. Instead, the splashed money on their favourite nieces and nephews on expensive trips and designer clothes whilst I was desperate for Books, stationary and basic clothes to actually be able to study my degree. Fuck the bad people of this world, even though I'm barely hanging on the will never cave in to be a bad person at the experience se of someone else.

[@MrBlack-wt5er]

You do or you don't pay child support, there is no barely so I don't know who lied to you but contempt of court at a federal level is 5,000 dollars and I'm being held in contempt of court over 1,800 and that would go with penalties such as fines, suspension of licenses, and prison time generally 25 days for each month not paid with a possibility of work release since some guys do spend years in prison for not paying child support while accruing debt and unable to work until they get work release which checking in with a probation officer usually weekly while paying him and (having the wages garnished) because the wages always have been and always will be (garnish before the earner ever sees the money in 100% full) unless he is not working and if he is not working he still has to pay or face those penalties, fines or prison time and that is all nothing else not a choice unless he didn't work for about 20 years and he would still pay arrears once he became employed even after you became a legal adult which I do not believe...

[@mikelisteral7863]

dont forget about: DEAD BEAT WIVES. AND DEAD BEAT MOTHERS

[@floodworldwide5260]

@@Leaptab you was a experiment, and your mom proved to do better then ur dad.

[@Jazzybot]

I have not spoken to my deadbeat dad since 2001, I knew I would be better off living my life without him.

[@Honest_Man]

Good decision

[@Honest_Man]

@Gold Golden honestly if I were you I wouldn't feel any remorse... Don't misunderstand me...I have a deadbeat father too...

[@fotografosinistro]

Please, can you add me on Facebook to talk about dead-beat dad?

[@Mixedfairydust]

I know how you feel. I cut mine off when I was 14 I'm 34 now and he passed away 2 years ago. My step-dad raised me and he did a great job.. he also passed away 7 months before the dead beat, but guess who I shed tears for? Yeah.. smh!

[@mikelisteral7863]

dont forget about: DEAD BEAT WIVES. AND DEAD BEAT MOTHERS

[@tanicadornelly3358]

i started telling my daughter the truth when he kept hurting her and breaking her heart year after year. It breaks my heart when she hurts for him. I fasted and prayed about this and God revealed to me that I should just give my daughter all the love in the world and he will do the rest. He will fill the void. He will heal her heart. I cut him off completely when he only called her once or twice a year and promised to visit...got her hopes up and never showed up. Nothing is more painful than seeing her hurt for him. I am still going through the process of forgiving him. Its hard. But its necessary. This is the only way I can truly give my daughter a great life without bitterness and anger when she asks for him. Hes a narcissist...sees nothing wrong with his actions and blames our break up for his absence. If I could go back in time...I would still have my daughter..but he would definitely not be a human being that she would have any type of relation too. I will keep taking care of my princess and praying over her. She will be ok!

[@Kim_Monique]

Thats amazing. Keep up the work mom. I'm about to cut my son father off. He promisss to come and domt come. Don't pay child support. Its so draining.

[@StrawberryK11]

I know this comment is 2 years old, but I wish I could know you! I'm really going through it right now for my daughter 😓

[@mzstacystacks3168]

@@StrawberryK11me too I can relate to her post 100%. Maybe we can connect because I feel the same as you going through it for my poor daughter 😢

[@selnun2707]

Cut the father off love and raise the kids by yourself... be honest to the child stop lying to your kids. It is what it is... you are the only person who truly loves your child. The child could NEVER learn anything from a deadbeat but how to be one himself.

[@songyi221]

That’s a bad idea too my grandmother did that then when I met him I resented her because I felt like she lied she didn’t but I didn’t realize that untell my kid 20s

[@Boilingfrogg]

Call a dad a dead beat for neglecting his boys but a mother kills her baby and you call it "pro choice"

[@lesriley2062]

@@Boilingfrogg both accurate lol what’s your point ?

[@Boilingfrogg]

@@lesriley2062 society demonise men. When women can be just as bad.

[@lesriley2062]

@@Boilingfrogg idk where you’ve been living all your life but women get shat on too . Don’t cry too much about it .

[@pegsullivan2299]

Most are narcissists and it amazes me how they can sleep at night?? How do you not want to see your child?

[@Boilingfrogg]

Call a dad a dead beat for neglecting his boys but a mother kills her baby and you call it "pro choice "

[@markduggan538]

@@Boilingfrogg idiot

[@gillymac9363]

@@Boilingfrogg i thumbed this up somewhere else you'd plastered it. I don't advocate abortion, but let's not pretend there aren't plenty men out there who were/are quite happy to encourage termination.

[@tierax8992]

@@Boilingfrogg because men don’t have pride in taking care of kids. So if he has a choice to walk away we have a choice weather to go through with it

[@Boilingfrogg]

@@tierax8992 There are plenty men out there who make better parents, not all men walk away from their responsibilitys infact there are plenty useless women/ wives who are fkn useless. Men should have just as much a say in their children's lives.

[@downhomegirl5]

My EX Narcissist always causes problems with my now grown kids & then he plays the victim, I've never kept them from him & always tried to shelter them from the abuse he would cause. It's exhausting. Narcissist are the worst, the damage they do to the whole Family unit all based on what's good for them is disturbing.

[@aimsd4021]

Be successful and they’re gonna want to claim u lol. I live the same situation, I’m a college student but every time I think of my dad it motivates me to work even harder in school and become a successful entrepreneur. I pray to God and hope it will happen one day 🙏 😢

[@mikelisteral7863]

dont forget about: DEAD BEAT WIVES. AND DEAD BEAT MOTHERS

[@cristalgrill]

I pray everything in your life is good. Even tho he wasn’t there. You are great.

[@charitygoldart]

This comment is so sad. Your dad should love & be there for you whether you're successful or not. Please don't think you have to prove yourself to get his love; sadly it probably won't work.

[@unodos2007]

@@charitygoldartexactly “EFF” that man if he doesn’t want to show up until your “successful” …..his validation isn’t even valuable nor needed !!

[@anggievee1866]

Exactly how I feel. I feel my sons pain for wanting to know his father ! You feel helpless as a parent not being able to do anything 😳😒😢

[@SheMeHer77]

Exactly

[@RobertMOdell]

Baloney. You were the one who wouldn't let his father see your son.

[@TheCrazyworld0]

Doubt it most "dad's" are fucking losers

[@TheCrazyworld0]

Even if so,it's probably cause they are mentally unstable

[@RobertMOdell]

@@TheCrazyworld0 How many women are in jail for not paying child support? Why do women have ANY say over when the kids see their father?

[@tylermills8812]

As a dad I have made so many mistakes!I hated my father so much for the things he put me thru and I turned out just like him n that bothers me so much now

[@karabomonyai2917]

Hey. I know this is late but I thought you could be of help. My son's father is similar to you ( I think). His dad was not a good dad, from what he told me. And now he is not being a good dad to our son. I am interested in how you felt and possibly tips on how I can be compassionate toward him so that he might want to be better. Also, I fear that the same thing might happen to my son

[@tylermills8812]

@@karabomonyai2917 Every situation is different,I was 18 when I got my daughters mother pregnant!Im now 37 with an 18 year old!I am sorry you have to parent alone,knowing how much hurt that can leave someone feeling sucks!So many factors to what may make a guy back away or completely stop being there!It takes a real man to stand up and take care of his children!I wish there was a easy solution to tell you to make everything work out for you but it’s boils down to mindset!I was a boy playing a mans role and it didn’t take long for the boy in me to show!Some guys never make the transition into a man and stay a selfish damaged boy there entire life!Im sure u already tried speaking to him to see what’s making him standoffish but if your not together and your with someone else that could be enough of a reason for some guys to give up!super lame but true!

[@karabomonyai2917]

Thank you so much for the response. I have really struggled with this and trying to understand what could be going on in his mind. I guess I will just have to be patient and pray for him. I'm thankful that you've realized your mistakes and have made an effort to be better. Not many people can admit their mistakes and change their ways. I also hope your daughter can see that you are really trying and not be too hard on you❤️

[@tylermills8812]

@@karabomonyai2917 some guys don’t deserve the woman and children in there life!There comes a point the guy does more damage than help!Thanks for reaching out and if you ever need a ear I’m here!

[@mikelisteral7863]

dont forget about: DEAD BEAT WIVES. AND DEAD BEAT MOTHERS

[@scaredfolks5923]

I'm 30 years old and just facing the fact I can't help my dad. What a waste of the 20 years I've tried. He was around but always took advantage of the people around him. Now I have some major anger issues I'm trying to figure out.

[@lyuda3]

Scared Folks curios, what would you want your mom to do it that case? I’m the mother hoping to raise kids properly and hoping to know what I can do better to lessen the hurt

[@deedontcare584]

You ain’t alone I jus turned 30 and told my dad to fuck off for good lol

[@djqt8063]

Currently going through this. My kids dad has abandoned them and hasn’t given me any money for them and actually stole money from me that was given to me by the government to help take care of them.. Words cannot describe how pathetic and selfish that is. ✌️🇨🇦

[@kev1n714]

I’m sorry for what happened to you. Karma will get him back . Trust me .

[@todjadavis699]

My child’s father did the same exact thing wow that’s crazy

[@footflan5187]

I don’t believe you chicks. A lot of you are weirdo and want to be the go between for the relationship. If the father has everything on his side how about you just get out of the way and remove yourself. You don’t have to be there for them to see each other. Father always have to be around someone who could have not been the best mother or partner yet we always have to go through her to get to our child. We don’t need you. Kids without father are much worse off then kids without mothers. The stats speaks for themselves

[@nickygrey7027]

I am in a tough space, my son (8) has ASD - and his dad has not contributed to his needs at all. He vanishes and then months later comes back and forth to see him if he doesn't cancel. Never mind the money as zero contribution, Its just getting harder to explain or to keep changing the subject - i work my way out of answering some questions. One positive is that a couple of years ago i met someone great that does fatherly things and is there for him. I don't want my son to suffer but i have a special needs child and when he brings anything up , i do tell my son i love him so much and we are thankful for the angels in our lives. Even though i do struggle, i do not bash or say anything about his dad in the negative to him either. I don't know if anyone can relate but, parenting is about doing the best you can in circumstances that may get harder.

[@sarahtaylor9190]

I'm currently in this situation now, my son is still young and doesn't fully understand his absence because my dad has stepped into the fatherly role. sending blessings from one ASD Mom to another

[@latishiabedwards1423]

I'm a single mother and was told since I was 20 that I should've kept my legs close. I was basically villianized, fast forward 13 years later and almost every black women is a single mom. Regardless if she's ugly, cute, tall, short, bad attitude or nice she's most likely a single mom and the father refused in most cases to marry the women and pays almost nothing for child support. I use to feel somehow nasty or unworthy. Now at 34 I realized much of what's going on was presented in the bible that (black) fathers will be absent for a host of crazy reasons and women will have to basically hold it down to the best of their ability. Even if you are a mature church going women who kept her legs close until married and did her homework on her man she would eventually in most cases be single or the breadwinner it's biblical.

[@amberhale123523454]

latishiab Edwards I don’t know if you’ll see this. But I’m going through this with my toddler now. The pain is unreal

[@anitaneal1779]

Don’t blame your issues on all black men. Why aren’t you asking why we keep having babies by men that we are not married to?

[@Ev_89]

@@anitaneal1779 because we're a product of unhealthy circumstances, subconsciously creating the same dynamic we were raised in. Not realizing the damage until it's done only to see we're our mothers recycled.

[@anitaneal1779]

@@Ev_89 Then don’t blame men as a whole. That was you looking for love in all the wrong places. Replace that self pity with a self realization. When we know better we do better. Big girl pants him!

[@Ev_89]

@@anitaneal1779 what message did you read?

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

My dad lives 2 minutes away and i still haven't spoken to him in years or heard from him.It sounds so weird saying it out loud but the system sucks here in Ireland

[@exerciseisantidote9337]

Why can't you make the first move ?

[@rayjones31692]

Hell i just waited until i figured out my dad had cancer, than abandoned him and my little sister and still sleep good at night.

[@RobertMOdell]

Your mom took your dad away from you. Don't believe her crap.

[@Boilingfrogg]

Call a dad a dead beat for neglecting his boys but a mother kills her baby and you call it "pro choice"

[@soaring-comet]

my mother tried her best to still tell us good things about my dad, even though he cheated on her with two different people and is now married to the second one it’s not her fault we hate him now it’s his fault before my brother graduated two years ago, it had been over seven fucking years since i had seen my dad i’m sixteen now, and i’m done with him if he wants to see us, he can visit us himself except he hasn’t done that since graduation, and before that, he stopped when i was like a baby the other times i saw him was when my mother brought us over to see him technically they have shared custody not like my father does anything with that anyway he texted my brother and i today saying stuff like “happy thanksgiving” and “i miss you” and “i love you” if you did miss and love us, you’d visit us once in a while i’ve had so many performances and so many first times for everything that you’ve missed i’ve learned to do so many things from my mother, and she’s all i need i don’t need you i don’t love you i care about you as much i as i care about a distant relative i don’t see basically ever you’re not my dad my mother was both roles fuck you dad

[@zanjabilmuhammad4470]

I pray that you find peace. I have a nine year old boy whose father is the same. I am so scared to see what his teenage years consist of.

[@mrpopcornization]

I fanally found you, you gave me advice when I was a minor, you opened my mind to the fact that sometimes your bullies aren't at school, but at home. I now am of age and so are my siblings. Your advice helped us a lot i told them what you said and I am now seeking again help to digest the fact that our father just doesn't want us. Thanks for existing.

[@LOLA-uk4wy]

Thank you for this, I needed to hear I am doing it right.

[@idontwanttogoback236]

My dad was around but he wasnt a good dad, he never taught me a thing. I grew up seen as a dumbass who doesnt know a thing and have no skills, my mom tried her best to teach me but she can only teach me what she knows which were doing chores and obeying. Because my dad wasnt helping out much around the house, my mom doesnt have a lot of time to teach me and my brothers whats right and wrong, we learned mostly from strangers and watching people. Long story short, i learned from experience sometime you have to do things on your own and to do so you would have to be willing to learn and not wait on anyone to help you, not even your own family. Sometime you need to become the one helping your family.

[@ThatgirlLondon.]

Both of my baby dads are dead beats! I can say I’m hell of a strong mama..

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

*You may be strong, but also dumb, had 2 kids out of wedlock by men who do not want anything to do with you or the kid.* Now you gonna go have a 3rd baby by another dude who will not wife you. And still blame the men instead of yourself.

[@exerciseisantidote9337]

You chose to have kids with dead beats. So what does that makes you ?

[@lilxbwnsuga]

thank you. i love my kids to death, but their dad sees them as objects. not real life living human beings that need nurture, guidance, and connection with him. he is absolutely textbook to me, but he has a choice to give his children a dad which he never had. i dont get it.

[@pocahotass88]

I completely feel you! 100% :(

[@jayn9559]

My dad, left me and my twin sister, my mother. He hasn't made a attempt to ever come back. Granted, I and my twin, was adopted by my step dad. Only time he ever made contact was 7 years ago when my first born was being born. I wanted to make another attempt.

[@chibi1chi1chi]

I've been wondering how I can explain to my son when older. I predicted his father being a poor parent a bit before birth and was proven right. And I know the novelty of a new child is wearing off. It's good to be prepared so thanks you for posting. If there's a vid about dealing with fathers trying to get at you through your child please let me know

[@lucendamatjeke8705]

How has it been after 10 year, I'm going through the same dilemma and my son is 4.

[@mratay4747]

Thank you so much for this! I grew up with my mom and “stepdad” who has been my father since I was 2. My mother passed away when I was 32 a year ago and since then sperm donor pops up trying to spin his own story. I didn’t know what to feel. I was already angry at him for his message to me on my 18th birthday, but I see it now as a last ditch effort. I try not to be angry but I hope someone knows how I feel ❤

[@lrhodes3650]

It's is sooo scary that this EXACT thing happened to me!!! My mom passed when I was 28 and my bio dad came and said " I felt greatful in a way because now that she's not here I can develop a relationship with you." He was saying she was my friend and he felt like a relationship with him would compete with that. Bro, sick

[@1ksubswithoutvideos43]

My dads a dead beat. God I hate him

[@robertamedia1232]

How does it make you feel? And how do you deal with it ?

[@mikee6571]

To be honest. I don't feel sorry for deadbeat fathers. My father is a deadbeat. My father is a alcoholic and degenerate gambler. Some times my father paid chid support. I was only worth 73 dollars in child support. At first it was 25 dollars in child support. My father took care of other people's children, however, can't take care of his own. When my mother and I used to ask my father for help. My father used to get angry at us. Although. When other people ask him for help. He's happy to help them. My father step-children and their mother used to make fun of my mother and I because my father liked them more than my mother and I. Now. My father hated me because I reminded him of my mother. My father used to make fun of my mother and I. My father lost every. My father lost his house and job. The people my father once helped. They all abandoned him. The children he raised. They all left him because the money dried up. Now. My father is still a drunk and he literally lost his mind. He's on mental illness medicine. I don't feel sorry for him. God. Took everything away from him, including his mind. He's just a mentally ill alcoholic now. Leaving in a very small apartment, working at a low paying job. Karma is a b1tch and she bite back hard. 💯✨️.

[@mikee6571]

@@MentalChoresI know. It's disappointing. I can't respect someone that doesn't respect themselves. My father chosen his life. That's not my fault. As long you don't repeat their actions. Everything should be good. However, it's good to learn from their mistakes💯✨️❕️

[@julianblack3390]

Don't have babies by deadbeat men. He was a deadbeat before the baby .

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

*Or you could just ask him if he wants to be a dad BEFORE you get pregnant, so he does not feel pressured into being a parent.* Some men just do not want to be a parent, and there is nothing wrong with that.

[@lilxbwnsuga]

@QueenAmaal its a catch 22, and moms cant catch a break i have learned. damnded if you do or dont it seems. i know the day to day events are not as glamorous as an unexpected phone call or appearance from him. i do not speak of him or say his name. i dont have the energy or time to hold him to the line. thanks again for your kind words of understanding. i will continue to pray.

[@amberenergyhealertarot6617]

As difficult and heartbreaking this type of experience can be, it doesn't have to be damaging if you adjust the perception.. I believe in being supportive and respectful of the parent at all times,, because the way you treat your partner or ex is the way your child will grow up thinking they should be treating their partners or should be treated.. i also believe in full accountability of mistakes and weaknesses.. because no failure is final unless you choose it.. they are simply learming experiences as you grow and learn.. someone else's downfall should not be perceived as an insult towards you.. it is their downfall.. their mistake.. their weakness.. not yours. So dont try to figure out how you could change things to prevent it.. or carry the burden for them.. it's their lesson to learn.. its not meant to be personal. It is okay to feel hurt,, but don't assume the blame.. it's okay to feel neglected, but dont assume worthlessness. It's okay to feel ignored.. but don't mistake that for unwanted.. its important to teach a child emotional intelligence so they can make thus distinction in their minds.. often a false emotional trauma is acquired simply due to lack if proper vocabulary to explain the real emotion. And then the false one is repeated so much in our memories of the situation that it becomes the real one eventually and the actual original one is never even recognized. I feel like situations with "deadbeat" parents are divine lessons. It's the perfect opportunity to teach your child how to not judge others out of fear or dislike. And to love inconditionally, and to hold empathy for others while still being truly compassionate to yourself and being able to express feelings in a healthy and constructive manner. Also, a perfect chance to teach coping skills and inner confidence and having self worth that is not limited by the approval of others or other people's actions. And to accept people for who they are, support them on their journey to who they want to be, without losing yourself with who they were. Unfortunately, many moms get too overwhelmed with the reactive emotions in the situation and don't realize what a blessing the experience could be utilized as for helping the child to develop into a beautiful and healthy adult. So instead, the child often becomes emotionally stunted or toxic and broken inside. If anyone is needing help with a situation like this, please feel free to contact me for a coaching consultation. The goal is to get your perception positive and your child healthy and whole. Love and light.

[@unodos2007]

I LOVE THIS….phenomenal explanation!!!!

[@onlyvenomog6717]

I need help I have a father that is in and out of my life but seems to ignore I’m alive sometimes he barley takes me but I always stood up for him I’m just realizing I’m a fool for what I’ve said to back him up in the past I need help coming to terms I have super irritation issues and I lash out it hurts for me to come to realizing what has been happening but I still want a relationship with him

[@Tiago-jx1hf]

I'm literally in the same situation as you. I feel like a fool and all I want to do right now is cutting him off of my life. He says he loves me and cares for me but then he doesn't speak to me for weeks because he is "too busy" with his third family. He's just a fake selfish bitch!!!!!

[@yeahyeah4244]

You don’t want a relationship with someone who is selfish and who doesn’t care about hurting you, trust me. Let him go and focus on the ppl who are there for you and truly love you.

[@lilxbwnsuga]

@QueenAmaal Thank you for responding. its a tough situation, and he will not seek counsel. i know i cant change him, and he has to want to change his behavior. i am tired of the lies, ignorance, disrespect, and houdini acts. we dont deserve to be treated this way, because he cant cope with life. Bitter much? i am moving on.

[@MaxMax-th7uz]

I am becoming an absent dad ! My ex of 17 years split up with me 3 months ! I am hurting so bad , HVNT SEN MY 13 year old son for a month now ! I am a complete train wreck and don’t want to see him until I am mentally good ! He is the apple of my eye , and no one I will ove as much as him ! I am so fuxked up !

[@HannahSquats]

Wow, this is so helpful.

[@nirvanafreedom4141]

My question is how to overcome the psychological traumas that a dead beats dad does to his son? I'm a single mother and I know that the father's presence is very important to the wellbeing and good upbringing of his child. And my son's pediatric told me not to say bad things about the father to his child because this can impact him and lower his self esteem. So how to overcome this situation?

[@seizuregirlllll]

It took us going to court a year after our son was born for the courts to order him that actually financially help with our son. The judge ordered that he can see our son every week and guess what he doesn’t come every week times where he hasn’t come for four weeks, multiple times he hasn’t come for a month. Just because somebody’s paying child support doesn’t mean they’re a good parent.

[@kayleelace3394]

The last I seen my father was 13 years ago😢

[@xxXJOKERxxXwii]

Good

[@christine2952]

Kaylee Lace, I promise you are better off. It’s a blessing in disguise. Trust me.

[@sandygmz2]

Love you stay strong bb

[@Boilingfrogg]

@@xxXJOKERxxXwii Why is that good?

[@Boilingfrogg]

@@christine2952 yeah like there's no deadbeat mother's out there?

[@wavveyyjay2366]

i hate my dad because he left me please help me plzi need to control my anger and sadness

[@elena7659]

Ninja jr how old are you? Just wondering

[@anitaneal1779]

Have children of your own and be a good parent. Self pity is corrosive. Let it go and start giving of yourself!

[@yeahyeah4244]

How can they be a good parent when they had a deadbeat as an example?

[@Jhihmoac]

"Dead Beat Dads, Dead Beat Moms" - What's the difference? If one, or the other (or even sometimes both) don't want to be bothered, there's nothing you can do to make them accept responsibility, not to mention accountability! Jail, garnishment, whatever... They'll find a way out of it and then make sure they disappear!

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

*Going after men for child support just creates more conflict and resentment, society is better off without it.* Take child support out of the equation and allow the mother and father to reconcile and maybe re-unite as a couple.

[@QueenAmaal]

@lilxbwnsuga Its a way to avoid failing to give them what he didnt have, he feels inadequate and not qualified by experience to father them instead of doing what come naturally (doesnt need prior experience or learning) feed them or provide materialistic element. he needs to get therapy and it might be useful if you join him too to build a bridge... my heart goes out to you and your kids..good luck and hang on.

[@Dunnlrs]

What about dads where the mother has estranged the father from his children? Is the father still a dead beat?

[@PraveenSrJ01]

My dad is ashamed of me and wish I wasn’t born since he was forced to have children through no choice of his own and I’m now 39 years old

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

*Yeah, some men are forced into unwanted fatherhood, and when they leave said child, the mother pretends like she is the helpless victim.* We desperately need men's perspective on this issue, some men just do not want to be dads.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

@@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808 thanks for your reply

[@lonceysbusiness333]

Stop thinking you're better than what you call a dead beat dad unless you're walking in their shoes it's like everyone else ☺️❤

[@KayG111]

I need advice. I'm a single mom. My teenage son never had his father in his life. Just a few times when he was very young. My son recently reached out to him to talk. They had a conversation. In the meantime, he hasn't paid any child support over the years. He owes thousands of dollars. How do I allow my son to have a relationship with him, but also take him to court for child support. It's been a tough journey doing everything by myself all my son's life! How do I handle this?

[@Mexicaprincess]

How old is he? The best you can do is file for FULL CUSTODY and because he’s been absent, he will have NO RIGHTS TO HIM. he’d have to wait till he’s 18 to start a relationship with him. I have a 15 yr old and he now sees the truth, that raising him is much more than I LOVE YOU. It’s Working 2 jobs and going to college to give him a better future.

[@KayG111]

@@Mexicaprincess Hi. He just turned 16. My son called him a few weeks ago. He called my son back and they spoke for 15 or 20 minutes. He said that they will make plans, but he never called him back. When my son tries to call him, it goes to a voicemail that's full...🤨 I feel like I may as well file for contempt. He owes thousands in child support. And just to let you know, he's the one who claimed to have wanted to start a family. So I didn't trick him or try to push him into anything. Any suggestion would be appreciated.

[@Kim_Monique]

@@Mexicaprincess If I file for full custody. Do I get child support?

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

@@KayG111 Have all the child support arrears dismissed, take the conflict and resentment out of the equation. Only then reconciliation can happen.

[@Homemaker-eg2he]

I've never lied to my kids in regards to him I don't sugarcoat most things I tell it like it is he would rather get high and live his life with his 30+ year younger gf who has no abandoned 3 of her kids 2 of them my kids half siblings so their perfect for each other they need to just stay away from us im done I was looking for advice on to how to deal with him but yeah no I'm just done btw he's up to 8 kids now he hasn't raised the oldest just got married she's 21 the youngest is 3 days old

[@m0nopoly]

What about irresponsible mothers who block access and use the child as a weapon

[@footflan5187]

No comments for this one huh! Chicks know what they are doing

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

*Women control the narrative, so that issue is quietly swept under the rug.*

[@LabLab21]

I always wanting my child to have a connection with their dad but their dad dont pay any child support nor making a constant effort to see them or giving them any support, time, bond, financially and physically. But people always telling me children need to be with their dad. What should i do when i know also that hid not even capable of looking after them like i do? He bring gf around and not into more focus of spending time with our child. My child sees them what theyre doing, and they just partying and drinking. Kids sleep very late or till my child just got tired and goes sleep by it self. Or else couldnt stand the crying, or spending that long with them. No patience. Thats why sometimes i dont know if im being selfish of not letting him see anymore our kids or should i still kept doing letting him do thay with them? Im confused whats the best thing to do. I dont wanna be called or everyone think im bad mom when thats the truth and reality? What should i do?

[@kanelitwiniec]

I'm not a dead beat Dad. I had a child with a dead beat Mommy. Mommy sleeps all the time. While I'm at work Mommy parents come over and raise our child. Now child is 4 and only wants to be with grandparents. Dead beat Mommy. So sad.

[@owwowoow7685]

I I lived with my dad or at lest see him soon =( its been 1 year

[@lwinston5950]

My child's dad gets our son but feels like because I have so much money he doesn't hv to help financially. He is a barber and doesn't claim much. My issue is taking time to go to court only to get a lower amount than I know he could afford. This is what pisses me off. Any tips ? I'm located in NC

[@myeshadapisces]

Thank you

[@QueenAmaal]

@lilxbwnsuga I am sorry to hear this, I guess you have grown and matured in this relationship and he didnt, if moving on is the only way out at the moment please remain open minded and hold as minimum grudges and despise for him as possible so that ur kids dont turn around one day and say its ur fault, You are such a strong woman to decide this and i respect u loads.

[@zaidaarroyo2002]

Thanks!

[@jingerhaley5886]

Exactly

[@princeofdarknessxyz1]

bet it is tough to be a father...all the pressure going through their minds every single day

[@marquianalewis8104]

20(F) now, bio dad never paid child support + cut relationship when I called his drinking and driving out at 14 (he was insulted, I was devastated didn’t care to try). Now I want to have my step dad adopt me (mother n him vowed to never marry again after divorce) but I don’t want to reach out to bio dad for consent. FML lmfao wish me luck

[@ashkelhamilton9572]

how can i help my daughter she miss her dad so mush that it make her ill

[@chantellewilliams7978]

What if a dad was a good dad but his ex wanted him back & her rules were to cut out his own daughter?

[@breonawilliams]

Real parents don’t let anyone keep them from their children

[@chantellewilliams7978]

@@breonawilliams you so right ❤️

[@goldensunshine1910]

If you live in NJ consequences for non payment of Child support are barely anything. SO many get away with not paying. Deadbeats are shady. The ones that suffer are the kids. Its terrible.

[@QueenAmaal]

@lilxbwnsuga I will keep you and ur kids in my prayers too sweetheart... May God give the strength you need.

[@DispIeasedDog]

My twin step-daughter’s 10th birthday was this week and their dad told them he’d call on their birthday and then pick them up over the weekend to go to six flags. He didn’t call and then cancelled the trip to six flags 20 minutes before they were to leave to meet him, so now his father is taking them instead. They are absolutely devastated. He is unemployed and rented a bedroom in God knows where with his tranny girlfriend who keeps trying to groom them while they’re there. He hasn’t paid child support in over a year and he misses almost every one of his weekends with them. He’s gained fifty pounds and all of his hair is falling out from what he calls “stress”. I’ve decided to cut him out of their lives and raise them as my own. It’s even worse that despite how hurt they are, they said they’d gladly start calling me Dad. I’m so broken by the idea that someone could just abandon their children because they’d rather sleep all day and get pegged all night instead of raising their children. I’m so disgusted.

[@danielmalone6670]

It's there fault for choosing a dead beat dad to in the first place how can he pay child support he probably lost his job

[@pamelamessman975]

My childrens father lives with me in a separate room and has gave me a dime for anything in 10 years ! He sits there and eats my childrens our childrens food and run the washer 24/7 and doesn’t give me a dime for water or electricity or gas or rent ! I don’t want the kids to be mad at me when I force him out because he won’t leave. He can go to his parents mine are dead ! He just keeps me broke and alone !

[@MaxMax-th7uz]

Wtf . Why , why do you let that carry on ?

[@pegsullivan2299]

Or you can get on phone tell the loser off and report him best advice

[@MrSinEon]

Its empowerd independant men who had an abortion, whats the problem about that

[@austinramos71to23]

I appreciate some deadbeats cuz I know how people fib and fiction about others.

[@firefire1970]

This is almost as useless as my dad.

[@bennybuttons1510]

There's no such thing as a dead beat dad, just bad mate choices.

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

*These women are having kids by men that do not want to be fathers, then acting like innocent victims when he leaves.* Ladies, do better, get married to a man that wants to be a father, then get pregnant.

[@nobullshiit9615]

This the most backward shit i have ever heard about not alienated the child from a deadbeat who will emotionally abused their kids by not being consistent with visitation and spending time with the kids. I'd rather not see my child get emotionally abused. And why not bad mouth a deadbeat? You're a male thats why you're telling people not to bad mouth deadbeats. Bad mouth them is the best revenge so the child will know what type of piece of shit the deadbeat is and to stay away and completely erase the deadbeat out of their thoughts and life. I'd make my kids hate their deadbeat every chance I get. And to keep reminding them never to love whoever abandoned them and they have every right to hate the deadbeat!

[@ephraimwarrior6766]

My father say I'm not his than ask him if he do dna test said yes.then when it came to it he goes you dont need me to the test with your sis so we test him out said dna show we bro and sus he goes this makes no sense sorry doc stop trying to say don't bad mouth your father will he a a clown.

[@AffectionateSeaOtter]

How about we just speak the Truth and stop make-believing that children are dumb, deaf or blind? I will not Lie to a child. Shame on all those Fathers who put the mother in that position. We coddle men enough as it is in society. To then LIE on their behalf is ENABLING their behavior. This nonsense needs to STOP. Honesty is the best policy and this rule also applies in the case of Children. They have every right to know the Truth.

[@Roxor_44]

Not paying is psychological because it affects all. I disagree with you.

[@str82itkb88]

Well why aren't anyone addressing dead beat women. ?? Can this not always be a one lane street cause we all would rather this street not exist but dead beat mother exist aswell.

[@Boilingfrogg]

Because it goes against their narrative. Propaganda all of it.

[@yeahyeah4244]

The reality is that the vast majority of parents who abandon their children are the FATHERS. Look up the stats chief

[@yeahyeah4244]

Facts don’t lie. The majority of parents who do this are men

[@anthonyhuber-permanentlyre7808]

@@yeahyeah4244 Because women get custody 80% of the time. Put women on child support 80% of the time and see how fast mothers abandon their kid.

[@mikelisteral7863]

dont forget about: DEAD BEAT WIVES. AND DEAD BEAT MOTHERS

[@Kim_Monique]

Ok black lives matter. We not talking about dead beat mom and wives. The topic is dead beat dad! Get with it or get lost.

[@FrostSoul-qs6kq]

His actual name is 'Childress' ... Okay sounds like thee most unrealistic name ever ...

[@hoodhealthywithhuff8815]

I'm a proud Debbie daddy I don't have to see my kids I don't have to pay child support I don't want him in my life so I'm good

[@Boilingfrogg]

For every deadbeat dad there a 3 deadbeat mother's

[@yeahyeah4244]

Stop spewing lies. Anyone with eyes can look around and see that’s false

[@footflan5187]

Women cause more problems than they want to admit. Have you ever thought about letting him go with his father without the mom in the picture?