Child Psychology : How to Set Limits with a Strong-Willed Child

[@citticat2]

As a grandparent, when my grand girls experience a meltdown, staying calm, acknowledging their misbehavior, and listening is a great start. I am focusing the scene now.

[@fibonaccisrazor]

Calmness is strength, especially when antagonized. Calm stoic authority is something even children feel. Like the doctor says, avoid battles, goal should be de-escalation - ask how can you help, what the problem is etc.. I have a very strong-willed intelligent daughter who quickly get emotionally "worked-up" and the above works like magic with her - before I discovered this it was always huge battles.

[@alaldrik641]

Thank you for the great information! My little one is intense, spirited, oppositional, and may have adhd. I have twin infants and he takes three times as much energy. Despite this I’ve tried to parent through attachment parenting and positive parenting. Like you said I find it’s better if I stay loving, positive, and calm. I try to listen and acknowledge as much as I can. I find walking miles with him leading and being present help. Schedule are important as well. I always try to be consistent with my patience so he can always trust I’m supporting him but it’s exhausting and I’m finding it difficult to give equal attention to the other children. I believe he may have sensory issues and I may take him in for ot evaluation. Thx!

[@hienienguyen6766]

i love it. it's not easy. i have adhd, but i just feel like it's tough to deal with my son because he getting into his 2 years old. you got to be positive and of course there will be ups and downs but how to make sure not to cut that fine line between a rebellious child, and a child that loves you. my son when he gives me hugs i know i am doing the right thing

[@musique1o1]

I hear what he is saying. And I absolutely agree with it. Problem is, what if that child is 2 years old and intellectually advanced, but emotionally on track, maybe even behind. I find so much info for older kids.

[@tusharbhuiya5397]

Yes, some fascinating theory but I agree with other posters who have said that there must be more practical real-life examples for it to be applicable.

[@JeewanthiRodrigo]

Thank you very much for this. i was trying this and you proved it is correct. I am a restless mother handling matters with an adhd child. anyway i am happy about the current situation.

[@jesseskellington9427]

You don't get what you deserve you get what you negotiate for. Way to go for this lecture series -

[@nataliexrd256]

I'm learning a lot about how I was raised from this video.

[@jftyygghtyhyy3415]

My grandmother's belt was the psychologist for her grandsons. We all grew up respecting people and Excellent human beings. Parents are in charge 24/7 no games.

[@mr_sugas_fire3015]

Dunning Krueger Effect... Just sayin

[@Tanya_loudestgarden]

I wish I had found this years ago my daughter was unruly and difficult. Turned out she had sensory issues. Now after months of OT and continuing efforts at home we don't have nearly as many struggles with her. We definitely have had to learn tons of different parenting techniques with our crazy crew. We also have a child with Autism.

[@Myls50]

Thanks for this video. It helps to keep me calm while talking to my youngest who seemed to angry all the time. If I did what my son do in my parents time.... I will really get punished..... however, I do understand that time, effort and methods have changed . its better to stay talking terms as much as possible.

[@navitagujralart]

It would greatly help if you could give an example of breach and repair sequence.

[@zero_earth]

the explosive child by ross greene expands on this entire approach with examples. its a 3-4 hour audiobook. i highly recommend it. its something every parent should listen to every month.

[@navitagujralart]

@@zero_earth Thank you so much for the suggestion. I am always on a look out for such recommendation.

[@zero_earth]

@@navitagujralart there are so many resources out there but greene's book is the smallest amount of time to learn and implement out of everything ive ever read. it has all sorts of examples and is so practical. its been a massive help for me.

[@martinayari3529]

Pls educate also teachers! You are awesome.

[@GenaHill]

Wonderful video, thank you. Question about minor breach and repair sequences (5:32). How do I do this without just giving in to what they want. I would love to hear some examples of this or any suggestions or insights how I can implement this.

[@moozain]

Excellent This is the kind of awareness all parents should have all over the world. Thank you, Dr Childress:

[@AndreaNZ1228]

Reality is sometimes tougher. I am an ece teacher. I have seen a kid and I really want to help and I feel like this child has ADD and doesn't have the support from their families to refer this kid. This kid is suffering a lot from the emotions and frustrations. We want to help but unfortunately, this kid has very delayes language development. Gonna be 5 in a few months but still babbling. So in this case, it's very hard to channel this child who I think has ADD. I have finally found ministry of education but they say this kid doesn't have ADHD or ADD or Autism but only the language and toileting issue. A strong-willed child with babbling language who I think has ADD and doesn't have the proper parenting is just so tragic. After listening to this, I kind of find it explaned clearer about my case in an unsolvable way. I do hope to see if I can get proper guidance as a teacher.

[@persiancatsarecool]

I raised a kid with ODD that has turned out good. Do not negotiate with an ODD kid no matter what anyone says. They see that as giving them authority over you. It not only changes how they see you but scares them. They know they should not be in charge! But be a great listener and dont sweat the small stuff like he says

[@grzegorz16100]

How do I know a kid is ODD? My daughter might be one.

[@sallyli2109]

My daughter 12,ODD, bossy and extremely violent. How do I stop this violence?

[@lanarober8952]

@@sallyli2109 how is your daughter now?

[@xiaoliyang77]

You are a awesome! It's so much to learn to be a good parent! Will watch all of your videos! Love them all! I wish you have books written by you!

[@lbkamooo]

when having a meltdown and using opportunity is great however...how do you do it? being disruptive (in a group setting) then the goal is to get them to regroup as quickly as possible without allowing the disruption to affect the rest of the group or the perceptions of the others. For ex: if Johnny is having a meltdown because he cannot do things his way...the other kids are watching this series of power plays unfold, who will win?

[@maryrinehart7070]

This all sounds great but it would have been helpful if you could have been more concrete and given examples.

[@zero_earth]

the explosive child by ross greene expands on this entire approach with examples. its a 3-4 hour audiobook. i highly recommend it. its something every parent should listen to every month.

[@bubbispapa2053]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@Shaka84Lonigro]

These are great videos, thanks for posting them

[@jackhersh1]

I think most of this is common sense. Parents need to set boundaries for themselves too.

[@JH-tk6ge]

negotiation is key. thanks you for saying this.

[@musique1o1]

I'm literally at my wits end. My 2 year old is very bright, very stubborn, very strong willed. I have tried everything and more. She is exceptional 85% of the time. 15% of the time, there is no negotiation. No deviation. If she wants to do something, she wants to do it herself, master the task, doesn't accept any help. Will revert to violence when she doesn't her her way.

[@SD-ip2wb]

The child I babysit 85% of the time no negotiator. Today for the first time I patted him on his nappy (about as light as you can imagine and no skin was contacted - air was it between the nappy and him as it’s quite a large nappy and he would’ve felt nothing but it was symbolic) marched him into his room and put him to bed after he grabbed my Uber eats and threw it on the floor and the drink spilt open and everywhere. Has been grabbing and / or swiping at things, spilling them or breaking them. Normally within a few minutes of telling him off, I’m trying to appease him. This time I haven’t. He’s made a fuss but now he’s gone quiet. I know he’s sleepy, but it’s not always just sleepy. He will deliberately do things that are dangerous such as running running running out of sight (but not onto the road) and out of reach or hide underneath shelves such that heavy or fragile items are at risk when shopping, he will simply say no to reasonable requests and I end up rebuking him and then making up for it by being sweet to him. Realised he knows exactly what I’ll do. Funnily enough when stakes are high such as public transport, roads etc he cooperates very well

[@ihateu4591]

Hi i am a strong willed child and i am here because i want to teach my mom how to control me

[@Yurilicious90]

i need to to spend a day at my house with my brother, negotiating doesnt work, authority doesn't work, rewarding works for a little bit and then goes down. hes so stubborn when it comes to school work. its a huge struggle to get him to do his work.

[@SerenityInfinity]

Child whisperer: Train the parents and rehabilitate the child (from the dog whisperer yet child = dog) Dr.Craig, thank you for posting these vids, very helpful ! This could change many parents approach.

[@samanthamacias6915]

Dr. Craig Childress

[@ems8717]

I basically did everything wrong 😩 obviously considering the situation. All of his video’s are great advice

[@ChristianRivera-i5l]

Is there any published literature I can access on the three child development brain systems? Could not find anything on my search.

[@jianayak4300]

Thank you very much Very valuable teaching. God bless you.

[@madhusingh6266]

Such truthful advice !!!

[@healerssanctuary8819]

Thank you. I needed this.

[@confirmedbachelor6019]

Excellent

[@lynkoyn]

The only time my teens cooperate is when I cannot take it anymore. I listen and I set boundaries etc. And until I cannot take it anymore and I get pissed is when they finally help!!! Why!!!!????? I have a list that will take 20 mins tops a day if EVERYONE works as a team! However when I get home it's not done over half the time. I have to either clean or leave it like it is until I can do it. This hurts us because I am not getting quality time with them because I have to clean. I am a full-time student and I work full-time. I have tried so many different approaches. I don't even want the house 💯 I am okay with it just picked up clothes off the floor and it simply looks lived in I don't expect perfect. My nerves are shot.

[@speaktruth9313]

Penny Morgan where is the other parent?...perhaps now is not the time to be in school. Raise the kids on the little income you may have and then when the kids are older/ out of the house then go to school.

[@milliecruz7181]

thank you

[@mrplatinum83]

Thanks so much

[@missdoommm]

How do I work on this though. I am strong-willed so are both my children they argue with me about everything tooth and nail even when I remain calm. They choose not to listen and it pushes me to the edge and I have no choice but to yell and put my foot down and tell them I will not tolerate this Behavior. but it's caused a huge strain on our relationship. I feel like I'm disciplining more than enjoying my time with my kids while they're young. I tried to do something simple like pick a movie for all of us to do movie night and they argue about the movie and refuse to make a choice together. I end up canceling it altogether because they're arguing too much so I have to send them both to their rooms. then they go in there rooms and they yell more throw an even bigger tantrum and Destroy things. After that Im left frustrated not knowing what to do anymore.

[@missdoommm]

What I need to learn and have some advice on is how to get rid of all that middle nonsense the arguing that took place between me being nicely asking him to get dressed please ..... why can he not just go do that and then get what he wants , being the toast. I don't want to sit here and argue with him but i also don't want to ignore him while he's sitting there crying. but I honestly don't know what to do anymore when I have been nice but also firm and told him what he needs to do to get what he is asking for. My favorite thing to say" I do not reward bad behavior". If either of them throw a tantrum or act up I immediately take away the one thing that they are asking for whether it be a phone, tablet, even food. I will not tolerate a five year old or 10 year old telling me the adult what to do because then they're going to be teenagers thinking they run my house . I need advice.

[@annettealmvik]

@@missdoommm Watch gabor mate or read his books, and youll get more out of your relationship with your child after incorporating a more loving approach than with the out dated punishment technices.

[@missdoommm]

@@annettealmvik I don't use outdated techniques though. I've read a bunch of recent books and I've learned how to approach things with a common loving and understanding manner. but again my children talk down to me and they act disrespectfully towards me. Tell me no I'm not going to finish my schoolwork and try to give me ultimatums or tell me what to do

[@missdoommm]

@@annettealmvik I prefer to reward my children then have to discipline. But they don't leave me with a choice. I tried to reward them with things like today for instance McDonald's. But my son acts up so much when it's time to do his schoolwork and refuses to sit calmly with me to do the work that I'm left with no choice but to tell him he will no longer get his Happy Meal period when he wants to tell me no tell me to leave him alone but when I do leave him alone he continues to ignore his school work. At that point I can no longer reward him with said item whether it be a Happy Meal or video game time. That would be teaching him that his behavior and actions were okay. Or the even if he throws a huge fit and tells his mom I hate you about doing school work he will still get what he wants. I choose not to engage and let the argument be blown out of proportion and I walk away. But i have to re start and try again. Sometimes if after restarting he does a good job he can earn it back whatever it may be. But if he continues to lose his chances he will not get rewarded...

[@Negash4]

I support you in that, but I began to see the problem of negotiations when I saw my son standing and negotiating and arguing with the trainer instead of doing the instructions. I don’t may be this was because it was his first time or just will continue talking and asking more than doing instructions.

[@mia18zap]

I have class of 30 first graders, its afterclass where they write homework and play while waiting parents. They are 6.5 till 7y old. Have 4 kids who hit each other all the time. Often with no reason. Just go to smw and kick them and their stuff or push each other. One of kids is laughing at teachers face, yell loud in middle of class. When i say him to stopand that he will get extra task or get time out he just starts laughing and says jeej i want tasks . Other kid punches everyone who is on his way girls or boys. Also often not provoked. No idea anymore what to do since by the time i make one behaved others start again.

[@elianalores3096]

❤thank you!

[@mariannenicholls3222]

Really like the way you talk and explain. I agree it would be good to have concrete example. Good explanation of different parenting.

[@christym6084]

your fantastic ,,, I only wish we had the goverments help with this, much needed some of us can't aford doc. help ,,but your videos help us thank you

[@jemmaalexandrapont4508]

Yes, I agree with all of it but HOW do we do that. Concrete tips and advice that is what we need. I get the theory but HOW do we implement it cause this only stresses me further when I discipline or try to intervene and I know I should be doing it differently but don't know how it this given situation. Doesn't help that dialogue really isn't something my two year old is good at yet.

[@seancaseo84]

My kids wont do anything unless I shout at them.

[@ruthmcculloch4056]

How do you deal with a strong willed child who has brain damage? She appears to function at about a developmental age of four. Physically she is 12. She has epilepsy which is recently controlled with meds and a vagus nerve stimulator. Unfortunately her latest thing for expressing her unhappiness with a situation is to hit her parents. She understands when she is "being a bad girl" so she gets that her behavior is not correct but she doesn't control it. She is an only child and the parents are not particularly equipped to deal with this.

[@vaswatisam]

Ruth, I think a specialist needs to do intervention. Maybe a special educator could work with the child and at the same time guide both parents. One has to observe when the unwanted behaviour is triggered. Mesnwhile 1.You may have to use a firm voice, come down to the level of the child's height making full eye contact and hold the child's hands with a firm hold so that she cannot hit. 2. Keep the hold and wait for the child to calm down. Once she is calm she can be given a quiet activity to do on her own....like puzzles or colouring. 3. Every time the child wants to hit the same behaviour should be repeated until she learns that it is unacceptable. But focus only on this one behaviour of hitting.Once this behaviour is corrected then deal with another one. Also any positive behaviours should be rewarded....even if it is with a smile and a word of praise. 4. The child needs to be involved in fulfilling activities at her mental level that also keeps her busy and happy. I am speaking from experience of having worked with children for 25 years. I hope this helps.

[@kristinyaekelnegley3978]

Do you have more information on how exactly I can help my child go from being locked in his emotions to knowing how to work through them and better communicate? For example, my son gets frustrated easily and then just gets mad. How can I help him to know how to be frustrated(because we all get frustrated), but yet not get to the point where he is so frustrated that he is throwing a toy, or ripping his sewing because it's not coming out exactly he he wants it to. The positive side I see in him with this is that he is very determined to get it right!🤗And thankfully, although he gets quite upset, he usually doesn't stay there long.

[@stevesrover]

Our adopted son couldn’t explain his emotions. He didn’t have the vocabulary for them and nor would he put names on them if he did, since he didn’t want to admit to them as he had deemed some as being ‘bad’ emotions. Thank goodness for Deanna Troi and Mr Data for help with that one! Anyway, we asked him what colour he felt, or what weather he felt he was. He was more articulate with colours and we learnt was ‘minty green’ and ‘purple with red spots’ were. Over time, we could give his feelings names and take it from there.

[@stevesrover]

Can you give him other outlets, like stamping his foot? Again, we told my son that if he stamped, we would understand what it meant and could handle the situation. Much better than smashing things up. He’ll learn resilience over time.

[@okaymom4165]

You are not far!! I’m going to have to get ahold of you for consultation. Do you do virtual? Seems like it could be ineffective on my three yo

[@rubenhayk5514]

what cures for such disorders? Beatings

[@FuriousEevee93]

Not in this day in age your own kids would even call the cops on you and get CPS involved

[@SwimminWitDaFishies]

What about when you're dealing with an immature adolescent who is not a talker?

[@hadishamson393]

Speak to them like an adult & apply consequences. You dont need to scold them. An example, say the adolescent is lazy to work. Tell him/her that he or she will need to work to maintain his/her lifestyle. When they ignore, simply, start by not giving him/her meals. If they go on a tantrum, tell them we have spoken about this like adults & stay firm with this consequence, till he/she changes. Speak to them like as if you are in the situation too and vice versa. Your aim is to close the gap of understanding the other person's motivation & intentions. Speak calmly & rationally. If words does not work its cos Communication is mainly tone & body language. Show disapproving body language instead of using aggressive tone or insulting. This prevents resentment. it is essential that we maintain speaking terms. We also need to learn that speaking is not as powerful as body language & facial expressions. Speaking does however, leave emotional scars. Ive used body language & facial expressions. If the person care, they would feel it & connect more. If they don't then, it doesnt matter if you talked to them or not. They just dont respect you to begin with. Give them some space for them to consider their relationship & propose a discussion or forum at a later time when they feel comfortable. Leave them some hints, like my door is always open for us to discuss or if you want a listening ear to see if we can improve this, book my weekends soon. Relationship is reciprocal. Too many times Caring Parents blame themselves for ruining their relationship & Careless Parents tend to ignore the relationship as it be. Parents are leaders, not masters or slaves. At the end of the day all of us have that feeling that no one understands or wants to understands us & at the same time, we need some reflection to understand others too. We live in a world of people, not a single person.

[@elianaboer7078]

I wish I could afford training from a doctor like you in how to deal with my very wonderful and very difficult two year old. I have so much stress in my life and financial problems and I am just lost. Watching every video I can bc I need and want help. I know it’s not my sons fault. If anything it’s my fault. God help us. And thank you for sharing these bits of advice.

[@margauxbordeaux8968]

hi doc. I am a filipino parent struggling an adult boy child who is showing extremely rude and disrespectful.how do I cope with this?

[@narf336narf5]

I really wish, you were able to see my son he has melt down anywhere with anyone, DSS thinks the best thing for him is adoption I don't agree at all I'm currently trying to get him back he's just now starting medicine, time will only tell he's 5 and I don't think any of this is fair but I love the way you explain things I think you'd understand my son's anger....like I do.

[@UseYourManners123]

Marine phytoplankton

[@Dplaysitcool]

Adoption... He was joking right??

[@MrJoseph2046]

Well it is more supporting and helping children to learn social skills that are going to be effective. When a democratic family approach is used it is a win - win situation. Old fashioned authoritarian parenting was more about parents being powerful and autocratic . Modern skills have updated the old fashioned approach. Joseph: Child Psychotherapist and Behavioral Therapist ABA. UK and Mauritius

[@d5a4m3o2n1]

It's good to help them work through their emotions but if the parent is always the one being flexible then the kid starts using that as a control tool to get what they want. This approach is turbulent water because the parent can lose the kids respect very quick. I put my money on the adult knowing more about what the kid needs than the kid. If you always do what they want, they have no reason to respect you. They are very manipulative and learn quick how to get their way with an adult who will do anything to make them happy.

[@richcrann2259]

DWH can you explain this to my other half she dont get it. Does ur miss attack you when you bring this to her attention ..mine does

[@beraudmusic]

DWH kids are not jaded adults. They do not see flexibiliy as weakness

[@indigoblue4me]

Beraud oh, yes they *DO*

[@mily87ful]

I work as a home care nurse and my patients brother 3 years old , he rules their house- he throws my phone , my waters, and kicks and Hits , throws my supplies and the mom just says stop. It’s very frustrating because it’s my personal belongings , and even though he is 3, he is such a rude child- *** she also Still Breastfeeds***

[@annettealmvik]

What is respect based upon? Do you even know?

[@lauralei400]

I need ur help...

[@RazorShalom]

Someone please help my 5 yr old sons school calls every day and asks us to come get him. He cussed at the principal acouple times he's hitting the teachers. He gets so angry if something happens he trashes the office. I don't know what to do. I'm a first time dad..me and his mom have loved him and she wouldn't let me beat him. Not abuse ..but beat with a belt like I grew up with.

[@Comments-wy9si]

THank you so much lots of great information here for me to use

[@richcrann2259]

How can i get someone to explain lower comment to my "partner"

[@indigoblue4me]

I'd like to see this guy deal with a "problem child" on a daily (24/7) basis. And then have to deal with them when they become problem adults too. :[

[@carolineleiden]

Dialogue ? They have very limited language skills and even fewer capacity for self reflection. "No. I don't want to !". "Why not?" " I just don't". This means they are making themselves the authority figure here. But parents are, not them!! Parents know what is good for a child and children don't. That is why children are not in authority and parents are.

[@robertfrancis2314]

Ok Thank u for saying that pastor and I have learn some thing about that has a 17year old boy 😀😀😀😃😃👍👍

[@kateritekawidtha6465]

Basically like training a dog. Smh...an only child is very NASTY experience though and they rule the roost for sure.They are in my view are SELF ENTITLED ROTTEN BRATS.I have been dealing with one and it's sooo annoying.This one is emotionless BRAT! I've tried all what your teaching and THIS ONLY child is a NASTY customer still.I have been sexually assaulted and constantly harassed by my exes ONLY child LJ in Surrey British Columbia Canada.His FATHER Geordie Craig has a child and youth degree but does NOT step in when his son violates my space on the regular by putting his head INTO my boobs and slaps my ass WHEN his dad not looking then lies about not doing that...what do I DO??!??!?!?! I am terrified of this brat that I have NEVER went BACK there.

[@TheRoadrunz]

2:10

[@prometheuscomplex1]

That's funny. When my mother murdered my older brother and social services sent me to child psychologist, he diagnosed me with A.D.D. and O.D.D. along with mild Retardation and encouraged by foster family to berate & segregate me for wanting to explore the world and inquire about choices. Now I'm 30 living on disability with no education. Thanks clinical psychology, you sure did fix my life! More labels and drugs please! That fixes EVERYTHING! [sarcasm]

[@karenabrams8986]

How old are you now? How are you doing? I’m currently trying to step parent a 13 yr old boy from a trauma background. My partner adopted two kids with her ex. Ex ran off because parenting these kids, especially the boy if overwhelmingly difficult. He Wants to hurt ppl. I’ve set up ridiculous amounts of surveillance and alarms in our home. Sometimes I just hate him. How does anyone get through this ok? What you said had impact because I could easily imagine him writing this and viewing the world that way, the truth is however we segregate him not because of his desire to explore, it’s to protect others from having to endure the nasty tactics he’ll deploy to dominate other children the minute he thinks he’s not being supervised. Recently we had a rough weekend because we included him in a birthday party. He bullied two children by mimicking sex acts to watch them recoil. Yet he thinks segregating him from other kids is wrong. Even supervised he gets into groups and instantly behaves like a predatory bully looking for his sick dominance fix at someone else’s emotional expense.

[@karenabrams8986]

I really want to believe there’s still hope for him and us to get through this and end up all ok.

[@FuriousEevee93]

@@karenabrams8986how’s everything going with him now? I hope things got better and that he got intense therapy for his behavioral and mental health

[@rmcd823]

Sorry but you are a dreamer. The first system works. The other two doesn’t with biggest part of kids. The big problem is also the decadence of the western. It is not about the house - it’s spread. It’s in the TV, it’s in the movies and in everywhere. Dialog is only when they are formed and ready. Relationship and dialog undermine your authority with them.

[@kevinjena42012]

This is my daughter to a T

[@linda9405]

You appear to be very knowledgeable but also very difficult to understand. Please speak in clearer terms.

[@saviom8166]

Jesus! What's with the comments here? Do disturbed people seek out such videos more than sane ones?

[@lauralei400]

some thing's very Wrong with You.

[@horbeehar7585]

Savio M p0

[@marig7460]

I ve tried it all... My 3yr old is OFF THE FUCKING 2 CHAINS.... DNA i blame

[@marig7460]

U no wat works the best.. When i bite my bottom lip & make 1 eye bigger than the other like my mom... & talk wit my TONGUE half way out of my mouth in public. That SHIT WORKS....

[@thebrosmemesyt5428]

Thank you

[@gauravbhanot3441]

Thankyou so much