Chinese Podcast #69: Why don't chinese want to get married? 中国人为什么不愿意结婚了？

[@dashumandarin]

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[@mslincantonese]

很有意思的话题，原生家庭真的对我们影响很大，在这一集三位大叔都完全跟大家剖白心声了，一边看一边很感触

[@dashumandarin]

谢谢林老师，我们的铁杆粉丝！

[@Muniza-bh9zx]

大叔们好。 这次的博客非常有意思。很喜欢听你们对这个现象的分析和看法。 我住在一个亚洲的伊斯兰国家。这边确实比较保守，很多人会觉得结婚生孩子是应该的。而且大部分是包办婚姻。 不过我个人是不婚主义者。像我这样的文化背景下，真的不能想出结婚的好处😂 我能理解Ben老师，结婚很复杂。很同情查老师，一个人挺好。同时也尊重Can老师的选择。 现在我只想学习更多，保持独立，看看世界。

[@RichardChineseLanguage]

在你的国家，不婚主义者会不会承受很大的压力呢？

[@Muniza-bh9zx]

​@@RichardChineseLanguage 会的，老师。比如说，你的父母，朋友，亲人都不停的问你什么时候结婚？要不要帮你找到个合适的人？ 如果你解释你不想结婚，不想要孩子，他们根本不了解，不相信。 甚至有很多父母会逼迫或用情感勒索 (emotional blackmail) 来让你结婚。可能是因为他们疼孩子，不要孩子一个人，但另一个因素是因为这些父母会有一种耻辱感。

[@RichardChineseLanguage]

@@Muniza-bh9zx 要坚持自己的生活方式，有时候真的很不容易。谢谢你的分享！

[@Muniza-bh9zx]

@@RichardChineseLanguage 是的，但没办法。我们还是要做真实的自己。 谢谢老师🌷

[@Adam-fy4wc]

截止前几分钟的时间点，本节目挺有意思。各位的立场和感慨都令人思考，盘旋自己的人际关系和家庭生活。语言侧面也有参考价值。当然，别的博客也有学习的新材料。说实话，随便拿一个节目看，认真聆听，不乏汉语新词。抓住注意力比内容更加重要。本节目则两者兼有。就是比较理想的学习内容。我说几个领会（？）。首先很感慨，露骨解说自家情形。不隐蔽不光彩的事情。让人信服。内容展现社会的变迁。好像仅仅十几年前中国社会似乎还很保守。即家庭观念很坚固，很羡慕外国的生育自由。今天呢？不说养育孩子，连结婚都不要。这是怎么一回事了呢？好在我前妻当年比较传统的那种。说实话，传统女性利好男子。是男子为中心的世界。今天女子不是为你而活。我觉得今天女性更难摸底。也不一定。当然，开放思维或许有利于关系。就是传统抱负干扰着夫妻的健康互动，加一些负面的东西。比如，对孩子的中心地位。总为之牺牲。总的来说，我还是喜欢传统女性。我的视角点停留在上个世纪。这一点害了我。离婚后，无法脱离原先的安全范围。就是说，我曾在婚姻中很踏实，稳定。别的人可能没有那么稳定的婚姻，因此一生可能自然培养与别的女人健康关系。离婚后，自然转移下一个对象。我却不行了。我离婚后几乎没有接触。好，我原来还想谈到本节目的另外聚焦点。但是已经偏离原先思路。不写了。

[@dashumandarin]

分析的很好！这种对视频的总结和写自己的看法也是很好的学习方式！

[@dychui]

I am so sorry to hear about the abuse you and your mom experienced when you were a child. Thank you for being so genuine and for sharing your story and how it influenced your views of marriage.

[@lingo-phile]

I don’t think it’s changed much in the United States. People still get married, just there are more divorces now than 100 years ago and women usually work outside the home. It helps that marriage is seen as a way to build a family and for the purpose of companionship here. No expectations about property etc. when you decide to marry someone you take on the responsibilities of building equity together. We also don’t support our parents. And likewise, they often don’t support us after we turn 18.

[@nvanarthos]

good current topic!

[@marcuskanayo1394]

这个话题非常有意思。

[@christopherfredriksson6802]

老师们，非常感谢你们

[@dashumandarin]

谢谢Christopher！很暖心的留言！

[@井上玲子-m6z]

三位老师们好

[@dashumandarin]

谢谢留言支持我们！

[@sunmoonlaketom1041]

很棒的分享🎉

[@dashumandarin]

必须的 哈哈

[@monkeylight8546]

Pym, 一边看中文字幕一边看英文的有没有办法？

[@torontomapleleafs6073]

老师们，大家好。在喜马拉雅可不可以听你们说话？

[@dashumandarin]

暂时还没有啊 抱歉

[@Pblaze12]

One of the reason I can think of is the balance between the number of men and women in China. Men outnumbers women, which increases the "value" of a woman in the society, leading them to be very picky towards their future husband. The redudant men are left with no candicate at all, causing them not to be able to get married even if they want to. Going abroad and getting a wife is risky and isn't as easy as people may think. On the other hands, as women become more valuable in society, some of them may be come too overconfident or overvalued, which makes them think that the suitable man fitting them must be in high class, whereas people in high class actually, may not be very interested in the value those women have, or they just have too many women fitting their requirements after all. Supply and demand are high but they just don't meet each other. I am able to listen and quite understand the whole conversation but I'm quite unconfident with my Chinese expression skill, so I can't leave a Chinese comment here. Sorry.

[@dashumandarin]

有道理！

[@jeccy-]

我们国家男人嫁给两个，三个，四个左右怒人😂

[@dashumandarin]

真的吗？！你来自哪个国家？

[@jeccy-]

肯尼亚，非洲