CIA Spy: Signs He’s A Con Man, A Narcissist, Psychopath Or Manipulator! (Don’t Fall For His Trap!)

[@thecatisoutofthebag83]

I dated a narcissist: 1. They never apologize. 2. They are victims. 3. Everything is someone else’s fault. 4. They will spoil your birthday and every happy occasion that is not about them. 5. They need to control everything: when to eat, what to eat, what to do, the color of the bedspread… EVERYTHING! 6. They will undermine you and belittle you constantly. 7. They will cut you off from your friends and loved ones. 8. They will use your weaknesses and or things you told them against you. 9. They will groom someone else before discarding you. 10. They will love bomb you at first.

[@danilaroche1156]

This is a valuable video. Lisa is such a good hostess. The guest is knowledgeable. Very handsome. I'd love to see his hair shorter. It's too girly. Sup with that?

[@playinglifeoneasy9226]

@@danilaroche1156 #5 much? 😂

[@whoo2975]

They 💀💀💀💀

[@GiseleAzerad-l4t]

Lisa is a great host .The guest is very handsome and explains everything well

[@melissahillyer1119]

They make you doubt your own memory. You believe you’re crazy because you swear you remember something, but it gets twisted just enough that you doubt everything. It takes FOREVER to recover and learn to trust your intuition and memory again.

[@barbstotter7288]

The one simple test. Tell them no. No is a complete sentence. But not to them.

[@janetkendle2073]

They will lose their 💩. They may roll with it the first time but if you keep telling them NO they will show you who they are

[@barbstotter7288]

@@janetkendle2073 Exactly.

[@knuck003]

🎉 fact.

[@oliverbird6914]

That's surely contextual

[@kateashby3066]

Bingo!!! Ad for many of this, ONLY saying no is very hard. That’s a trauma response. Understand that and just DO IT. This is how we grow out of these trauma responses.

[@jouerknits]

"When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

[@JohnShalamskas]

Most people are very different in public compared to their inward self. That can be very jarring to discover after marriage vows have been exchanged. It's like changing a contract after it has been signed. In the words of Darth Vader, "I am altering the deal. Pray that I do not alter it any further."

[@kenishahammond3935]

Facts!

[@reka_sz]

Immediately or at least after 2 tests

[@katesong661]

I had a “friend” who went on a huge monologue once in my car that she lied all the time and was proud to scam or trick people. I was about to start a business with her and i am so thankful I could see something was off with her. I told her that I didn’t want to collaborate with her anymore (I saw such an ability to lie, cheat people and charm them). Later she went on to backstab me and turn other business partners against me spreading lies and slanders. I am so glad I never went on to build a business with her. I lost a couple business partners but I have avoided so much problems and losses down the road.

[@cynthiapereira8403]

My dad was that way.

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

Well I was not as fortunate as you. I lost my retirement to a person like that. Faked friend face. In the end karma. She lost everything even her prized marriage, once he figured it all out. Praying God refills my abundance back up. Amen

[@iaf4454]

Well, if you let them talk they will tell you... you can listen carefully and watch their actions

[@katesong661]

@@AngelEyes-xm7el sorry to hear that! I hope karma starts working in your favour

[@katesong661]

@@iaf4454 it’s crazy what people can say when they feel comfortable! They don’t even realize you’re listening to their every confession.

[@bellesterbeatty3571]

Pycopaths can fake empathy like academy award winners.

[@elizabethy2912]

Yep!!

[@juliettebobcat704]

They'll do it to get you to admit stuff and then use it against you.

[@dollyrama1132]

Yes

[@Denzella2154]

Correct 🎯

[@HTNPSullivan]

But, they also mess up because they're imitating people. They will parrot the "right" thing to say, or the facial expression they think goes with the situation, but it will look odd. Look at the way Trump smiles for photos. It's a weird grimace. There's no joy in his eyes. Often, they won't be sure how to respond or react, so they will repeat whatever you said or say, "Me, too!" I was with a narcissist for 11 years. I wish I had trusted my gut when I thought his responses were weird. The worst one was around year 9, when he had sucked the life and joy out of me... but I kept attributing my state to me being "broken". I told him I could barely get through a day because I was so depressed and that I often "wished I wasn't here anymore ". I said I was going to find a therapist. He replied, without looking up from whatever he was reading, "Well, I'm perfectly happy with my little life." I replied with a game show buzzer sound and said, "Wrong answer! Someone who tells me every day that he loves me should say something like, 'I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?" His face told me that he was more worried about not knowing what a "normal" caring response should be than about the fact that the love of his life wanted to die. I could go on and on, but he's been out of my life for 4 years and I try not to think about him. This video popped up, probably from when I watched a lot of videos about narcissists, which gave me the courage finally to get him to leave. Luckily he had been grooming Ms. Plan B for at least a year, so I didn't have to push too hard for him to leave. Of course, he presented it to me that he was leaving because he "met someone." Yeah, like a year ago 😅

[@carolhunt2023]

Narcissists are nice and kind when they want something. Their behavior is inconsistent. Whatever suits them.

[@Excellencengrace]

I second this as accurate ✅

[@allnoyz7895]

Brilliant!????... Then EVERYONE is a narcissist. How 'bout self awareness? Oh, that's way too damned hard.

[@jessicamarie9208]

So truuuuuue

[@kalleidemation]

@@allnoyz7895 I'm not mean and cruel when I don't get what I want, so I'm not a narcissist. I make sure other people feel safe, happy and comforted, even if they have to tell me news that I'm disappointed by. My problems aren't other people's responsibility. Not everybody things they get the right to be mean to people just because they don't get everything they want, like a petulant child.

[@allnoyz7895]

​@@kalleidemation Ok...ok. I see. It's just that everyone thinks it's the other person - not the self. People should convict themselves internally before accusing others. Talking about narcissists as if it could 'never be me' is a mild form in itself. Was not trying to be 'mean.'

[@nellythenarcissist]

He raised a great point though that I always say - SLOW IT DOWN! Especially if this is dating. Covert Narcissists and psychopathic narcissists (malignant narcissists) need you to fall for them fast and will pull out every stop to make that happen. Best test for a narcissist or ASPD - set boundaries, tell them NO and see how they respond. If they can’t get what they want from you they will move onto someone that is easier.

[@CrystalShadow]

That’s it exactly 👍 I was thinking disagree with them or make them mad and watch the reaction but putting up boundaries pees them off the most! And they won’t stick around if you continue to do this. 😊

[@Portia620]

@@CrystalShadow❤ good because who’s wants them around? 😂

[@marizonandreatrujillo5748]

21:49 he said it

[@ghost46857]

@@CrystalShadow Make them mad? Perfect example of toxic femininity, and a sure way to push away any man. Disagree, that's fine, putting up boundaries, also fine.

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Mmhmm! So highly suggest watching “Signs of a Serial Killer”, season 5 episode 11 where a team of forensic psychologists, some that have worked with the FBI, break down the five main traits of psychopathy. And one the most interesting things about people with this DSM V Cluster B type when they lay in the charm, normal people can see the boundary and know when it’s getting too much. A psychopath? They can’t recognize this boundary and that’s when it goes from charming into love bombing territory easily! It’s how serial killers corner their victim a and impulsively inflict violence very easily. Here is info, saved a screen shot from the Reddit group where 2/3rds are diagnosed Psychopaths: “A question about the motives of psychopaths. Psychopaths motivations are not usually so well thought out or understood by the psychopaths themselves, they see something they want it they take it. That's pretty much the extent of the thinking. Psychopaths tend to be impulsive and lack a great deal of control over their impulses, their brain abnormalities are well known for having deficits in areas that control empathy but they also are deficient in areas that regulate logic and self control as well. So the motivation for most psychopaths is they felt like it, or wanted it etc. very superficial and crude. Think of an adult size child that misbehaves a lot psychopathy is much more than that but developmentally it is true psychopaths are in some ways at the level of development mentally as a child is.” Hence why it’s vital people are aware of how they operate to keep themselves safe because these type of folks tend to have sadism tendencies (ie - lived to inflict pain and gets off on hurting others).

[@oliverkahn2224]

Narcissists don't ever apologize that's the biggest red flag for this particular type

[@creandomentes]

Yeah, and they "always win", in their fantasy off course.

[@NUNYAbizzz-zn8kz]

Unfortunately my teen son decided to move in with my narcissistic parents, all 3 of them NEVER apologize or take responsibility for anything 😢I miss my boy so much but he’s 18 so I cannot call the state about parental alienation and my soul feels forever broken after the family had Thanksgiving together at the family home and it was my son‘s 18th birthday and they had a cake and a party and I was uninvited and I’m undivided to Christmas but that’s because I’m the black sheep a.k.a. scapegoat a.k.a. I do everything wrong and I hear about it every single day of my life since I was 10 and 46 now

[@silly_hammy1]

Many types of mental people don't apologize

[@mayamichelle6741]

This shouldn’t surprise anyone. The system BREEDS and CONDITIONS for narcissistic, sociopathic, Machiavellian personality. That’s how to survive and succeed in this system. The more these behaviors are demonstrated, the more reward, the more fame, wealth, success. The numbers are higher than what he states.

[@mayamichelle6741]

Narcissistic (entitled) Sociopath (lacking empathy) Machiavellian (strategic selfishness)

[@nicres]

@@mayamichelle6741that’s why trump has “succeeded” 💯

[@femmefatale71]

Far higher.

[@pokemonpro8438]

Kamala Harris? 80 to 90% of lawyers and psychologists, at least if involved in family law or successful and cutthroat in the Silicon Valley.

[@delavan9141]

Hasn't it always been that way?

[@CoachCreesh]

Narcissists are now studying these videos. So, trusting your spirit, having strong boundaries and loving yourself enough to walk away after one boundary violation or seeing one red flag ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Steadyriot-is4jg]

yeah, then pick the bad boy and wonder why your in a toxic relationship... you have no idea how many times I see comments like this and the women turns right around and goes "oh, he'll be different with me, I can fix him". completely ignoring the warning signs because he's got money, attractive or status. The problem is people's instincts SUCK and they can't tell a geniounly bad person from someone who is just socially awkward.

[@NovaPrincess]

@@Steadyriot-is4jg You sound like a pigcel.

[@lesleybrown1583]

@@Steadyriot-is4jg Because they need healing for c-dependancy and only our maker can do that!

[@pjw661]

Well said!

[@centripetal6157]

He actually says you need to test someone a few times - that shows you a pattern of behavior. If there are too many red flags - it means you need to dip out.

[@desidudes78]

trust the gut safety. and don't apologize EVER for keeping yourself safe.

[@bernadettefitzpatrick6448]

They only target the vulnerable those who are kind willing to overlook their traits or simply don't see them . Women have been married to serial killers and had no clue until they were caught .

[@williamsteidl5954]

this is funny cause he always says to not trust your gut because its most likely wrong lol

[@sheilawhite9130]

I was scammed by a narcissistic psychopath 7 years ago, and I lost a lot of money. It was extremely traumatic, and I was emotionally, physically and mentally devastated. With this trauma, I have since learned how to trust my gut more than ever! This was a powerful and expensive lesson I really needed.

[@Imahappygirl25]

"You have to put more weight in the action they did today, than the promise they made yesterday"

[@williamtiffee3799]

Hence the adage: "Actions (and inaction) speak louder, than words..."

[@BigNoe-u7u]

I broke down crying in front of a guy I was dating and I mean ugly crying and he had absolutely NO empathy for me at all. Zero response , words or actions from him. It was actually really chilling. I couldn't get him away from me any faster. Never looked back.

[@soliferi]

why were you breaking down though? if it was a first date i would run away from you. context is important.

[@janetkendle2073]

My ex sat there with me sobbing with my broken heart (my dad died) and he was a stone. Wouldn't even look at me or acknowledge me. It was so awkward.

[@kates4089]

Mine (lawyer) lied to his doctor so he could stock up on a prescription (he was an addict before he got into law school). I found out and he gaslit, and all sorts of things. I started crying and he made fun of how I looked and sounded while I was crying.

[@janetkendle2073]

@@kates4089 mine was a drunkard and a pill popper and he would DRIVE SEMI TRUCKS with his sippy cup... He would stop and get a Big Gulp and pour Crown in it and a dash of Coke and pop about 10 pills. He would gaslight me too.

[@davidschmidt270]

So that situation was really a blessing in disguise then!

[@maryohare4141]

When I started to secretly question if my husband was a sociopath...I was crying because I just learned my mother had just died and it was a horrible, painful death. My husband yelled at me, saying, "She was old, so why are you crying?" He told me "Everybody dies, so what was the big deal?!" He later mocked me, sniffling and mimicking my crying. Yep...I should have left him.

[@denvernaicker8250]

His upbringing vs whether it was his true nature, is distinguished when you can respond to his statements, rather than dismiss and label it as heartless. As there is merit in your emotion and there is deeper analysis in his lack thereof. There are traits that he would be good at and the one he is not does not represent the whole.

[@denvernaicker8250]

Not saying his not a sociopath but as the interviewee said it is multiple tests. But at the same time there can biasness to these tests and one has to be subtle.

[@IdahoRanchGirl]

​@@denvernaicker8250I am a very unemotional person, when it comes to let's say, a dangerous situation where everyone else is in a panic. I just flip into a "we have to deal with this immediately and smartly" mode. It's like I am not scared tho I should be. If it involves a dangerous person that's a threat, I flip into an "I just have to outsmart him" mode. I am not a cryer. I actually get annoyed with ppl who cry over things that can be dealt with. I don't get annoyed about ppl crying in grief. I rarely cry, and if I do, it's not in front of anyone. Only a few times in my 61 years. HOWEVER, when it comes to dogs, I can get very emotional if they are hurt. Or look scared. Or anything other than happy. Now my normal emotion, is being happy. Little things make me happy. A little silly gift. A surprise visit. And I'm very friendly. Unless you screw me over somehow. Then I'm very vindictive and unforgiving. Especially if the person is a friend. I can wave off a person I don't care about. I just act like they don't exist. And resume my happiness. But anyway. Even though I'm am happy and fun to be around (so they say), I feel like I might be a little psychopathic. Because of how I don't feel like I think I should, like when somebody dies. I don't break down. I don't cry, unless it's late at night and I start thinking about them and miss them or wish they were still here. I just think I should feel unhappy more than I do at certain times. Is there a disorder for always being in a good mood? But still have a cold side? Maybe it's because I'm an Aquarius. Everything I've read says we come across as cold and aloof at certain times. But we really aren't. I don't know, and I don't know why I put this as a reply to YOUR comment! Lol sorry.

[@murieljubar8672]

You didn't?????

[@taracsenar7604]

@@IdahoRanchGirl This is very interesting. I see myself in a lot of points you mentioned and I am currently 21 years old. I would love to hear more

[@GoldFreya]

I just stumbled across this scrolling and didn’t realize it would be a LIFE CHANGING video. Everything he said just makes so much sense, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. I want to show this to my daughters when they are old enough. Please never take it down!

[@VeganTarotist]

Giving yourself time and distance, up front, is the best test. This way, you don't end up being manipulative later.

[@arcticgoddess]

Same, and I am a veteran of these types of videos. I just subscribed to his channel! Andrew Bustamante

[@KarenmBlair-w3u]

No doubt

[@lissetteo]

As a “socially awkward” person, I thought being awkward was such a disadvantage in society. The affirmation that awkward can be a good thing actually gave me a boost of confidence. Relationships are so complicated. 🙏🏽

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Is socially "awkward" not saying what they want you to say or moving as they wish you to move? They lie alot and don't know what they are talking about.

[@JessB009]

A bit simplistic but somewhat correct

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I I do agree with the view of not calling them "narc", but rather just saying they are nasty people.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I Also what is "nasty" for us might be an outright "angel" for another...

[@indiesindie1984]

Indeed 👍 (I am exactly the same)

[@priscillaL83]

Dont forget to trust your gut.

[@JenGable-Justeson]

Yes !! If someone gives you a creep vibe or you are forced to interact with someone who is self centered, and lacks empathy, watch out !

[@SherriFlemming]

Indeed The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud In this world verify everything. Dating requires detective skills. Investigate like the FBI. A background check is a necessity. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast

[@jenniferphillips3561]

So so true The gut NEVER lies Intuition

[@DEPineda]

@@priscillaL83 I would say the same thing but in another podcast…diary of a CEO…this same gentleman who worked for the CIA says that we should NOT in fact trust our gut because we are often wrong when we do. He has some good insights but to me that was definitely not one of them.

[@priscillaL83]

@@DEPineda you are right there because sometimes we may operate out of a fearful or more paranoid instinct. Peoole say follow your heart but sometimes it may be deceiving. So far though my gut has been right though lol but you're right too.

[@devadiosa]

Heavy with the “They have the RIGHT to privacy- but YOU DON’T!!!!”

[@sisi_zzz]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@BeckyJade]

That's right the person hacks me has to know everything about me but I know nothing :/ I dont care anymore I just ignore them

[@janetkendle2073]

THIS is the biggest indicator!

[@dollyrama1132]

They hack ur bathroom😢

[@devadiosa]

@@dollyrama1132 The spy cameras in the bathrooms and bedrooms and live streaming it on the Dark Web yuuuuup

[@billiefitzgerald8338]

I really, really needed this right now. That distrust of yourself is a killer.

[@reneegardner2286]

Charm is the con artists greatest tool. Watch out when they seem too good to be true!

[@KaylaNoelle1]

My emotionally abusive ex who was cheating on me the entire time was very charming but he would kind of sprinkle in fake awkwardness to seem endearing. It’s so creepy looking back. The man I’m talking to now is genuinely just goofy and awkward and willing to embarrass himself a bit to show how much he likes me, and it’s helped put me at ease after what I’ve been through. ❤️‍🩹

[@reneegardner2286]

@@KaylaNoelle1 I'm glad you were able to find someone who treats you how you deserve!

[@ladyjaz6817]

Yea. I should’ve known, now I’ve got new wounds to heal. We were friends for like 3 yrs beforehand tho, so I thought that would be a good foundation 🤦🏽‍♀️😆. I don’t trust myself with these guys anymore. I’ll just stay single, it’s safer.

[@kimedison6677]

Dr. Ramani says we don't need charm so stop appreciating it.

[@thesexyfarmer4877]

@@ladyjaz6817pls don’t stay single . Life itself is very tough. I’m scared of your wounds , I don’t know how long it will take you to get em healed , if not , I would let us give it a try .

[@darlenesimmonds1]

This man described my husband to a tee. My couples therapists told me he was a narcissistic sociopath. I didn’t understand it but learned why I felt like the crazy one with all the gaslighting. I didn’t even know gaslighting was a thing. This man is spot on about journaling. When i started journaling instead of going to him with my complaints which fell on deaths ear, I was able to emotional detach from the gaslighting or his bad behaviors. He had a hard time with me no longer reacting to his bad behavior or inability to feel my despair. The more I journaled the less I reacted. The less I reacted the more I detached. The more I detached the more I was able to see things clearly without trying convince him about him or convince him to care about how I feel when he behaves badly. He was a covert narcissist. I’m telling you when I learned about the personality disorder I was able to realize I wasn’t crazy. He also deflected and made me the crazy one. Gaslighting was his go to when trying to get out of something he did.

[@az55544]

My mom to a T. I also started journaling. What a bright light on the situation. I was fueling her!!! She was so confused when i stopped. I made rules for myself to remember to not engage.

[@Violets14]

I eventually learned a similar lesson with my narcissist ex-fiance after we broke up - that reacting would make me fall into his trap or others.

[@morganitEm00NrAVEN]

​@@Violets14or when you try to connect with them on a human level and explain your feelings and actions- they store it and use it as a weapon against you later to make you feel crazy

[@Yessssz]

Good therapist. Many will try to get you to stay together, beware

[@l.5832]

Beware the smear campaign when they see they cannot get the desired response from you. They also mat 'step up' their game to dangerous levels until they get the response they want (This is especially true for those that get their emotions vicariously through you. If you do not give the emotion they cannot feel or recognize in themselves they will go to extremes to get it. My husband was like this and once I recognized it, I gave measured levels of the emotion he was seeking fairly early on to 'satisfy him' Particularly important if they have violent tendencies toward you or your possessions. I am free of him now, thank God)

[@karenlindley.9756]

Always trust your gut instinct. Generally it’s right. But we tend to ignore this sometimes….

[@lucid_747]

@@karenlindley.9756yes!!! and we ignore it because we're too busy following whatever the CULTur€ says-- believe your thoughts, be logical, focus on materialism, admire/ worship the smartest, hyperfocus the mind.

[@Mlz-w1w]

I usually ignore this a lot! 😏

[@simonschneider5913]

oh yes - and it cost me dearly.

[@barbstotter7288]

Some of us don’t have a good radar due to childhood abuse. The best test for us is to tell them no. Don’t explain. And watch what happens.

[@shilohhighland6716]

@@barbstotter7288I’ve done this too. I got a gut feeling from someone a lot of people told me was great. It confused me and even questioned if I was really in the wrong or the bad person. After a while, I decided to stand up for myself and do the tests. They were mostly misogynistic, but it was enough to get my husband clued in that this person was not a real friend and not safe around me or our child. We haven’t been around them since.

[@mariangelapitti2536]

“Your safety is your responsibility” 💯

[@nannetteprata4571]

@@mariangelapitti2536 true. Except the size/strength differential can be fatal.

[@MorganaRaven29]

That sounds a little like victim blaming

[@broco6608]

​​@@MorganaRaven29 How? Where is the blame?

[@MorganaRaven29]

@@broco6608 the blame is with the perpetrators, never with the victims.

[@reka_sz]

Only if you are not naive and know the bad signs.

[@jinny6235]

I love his point around 16:05 that we don’t live in a world where we can give people the benefit of the doubt. Totally agree! It’s time to move away from naivete as well as fear and paranoia, and move toward discernment. Clarity. It’s a higher way of thinking and a more aligned way of being.

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

👍🏼👍🏼

[@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht]

Absolutely and I'm more than blessed that the Lord blessed me with the gift of discernment.

[@lucid_747]

@@jinny6235 🙌🏼 good point!! Some people don't need to be told this and some of us really really do-- Im one of them

[@avril.227]

We used to live in smaller communities so you actually knew who you were dating. So true about discernment

[@M.J.R.-bv2oo]

How do you get away from tapper$ and double crossers on our phone lines ‽ Spys nor detectives won't tell you, It's about talk shows & idea promotion * What lable are them or you 🤔

[@JoannaVancouver]

@16:38 Andrew says: "People who are not nefarious are often times the hardest people to like. They're socially awkward; they're a little bit rude; they're kind of rough around the edges. So you don't you don't fall in love with them very quickly, but they're probably very honest people. They're honest, which is exactly why they don't know how to manipulate the environment, manipulate your experience to make you like them and trust them so quickly. So when you're dealing with somebody that's a little bit like aggravating or irritating, chances are they're not trying to manipulate you. "

[@therearenoshortcuts9868]

indeed though we need to remember "socially awkward" and "socially retarded" are not the same thing LOL

[@joshuapjung]

this is so wild to consider, I had never thought of things like this

[@morganitEm00NrAVEN]

Being unlikeable is wholesome. That's a good confidence boost! 🤣

[@suzannemahoney]

⁠😂totally..

[@EllaNonimato]

that's great.

[@dwynnell]

Don’t listen to words. Actions speak louder. A person’s character can be determined by their actions. Don’t believe reported evidence, trust your own ears and eyes.

[@JCHarris-iu6my]

💯

[@razia6046]

Can we just take a moment and appreciate this guy.

[@InsideOfMyOwnMind]

@@maclovia9727 He is professionally trained how to be all of the above.

[@BronwynneBessette-v7s]

Yes. I preferred blondes but I just got over that. 🔥

[@orc001]

Weird comment lol

[@ros1520]

People on the Autism Spectrum and people with ADHD often have great difficulty when plans are changed at the last minute. Anger and frustration may result, this does not make them psychopaths. So not a very useful test.

[@margaretisabellezerner4556]

But that doesn’t make them a great choice of date either

[@amberphillips4808]

Those are not the total population

[@ros1520]

@@margaretisabellezerner4556 possibly not.

[@ros1520]

@@amberphillips4808 True!

[@kristyharland3950]

There is a connection, adah is from trauma and asd community suffers trauma at different levels, a antisocial disorder is environment and dna the environment is the best part ;) a split of the psyche , and that’s all the attachment, borderline ect however some turn into the anti social types, I think there is a causal relationship and a shared set of characteristics but the same root issue ;)

[@joyace9674]

I rather be alone then dealing with this situation I love my peaceful life.. it took me 7 years to stand on my own and that how it will stay I am 70 years old been married 3 time and going thru hell I said to myself once I leave that’s it no more for me thank God I am free 😁🙏

[@CompostWatcher]

Me too. Agreed. God got me out of a bad situation. I’m grateful.

[@carol-anneobrien1511]

Much love to you. I'm 43, been married twice...my peace is my top priority now - my health literally depends on it. But I trust myself enough now that I know I can see the signs incredibly quickly and get them out. I don't expect to be alone the rest of my life, but I'm at peace with it either way. Trusting myself took me 4 years of working constantly on it - best thing I ever did! I hope you continue to keep your peace and happiness ❤

[@athena3865]

66 here, similar story and agree. Stay out of relationships; they aren't worth it.

[@carol-anneobrien1511]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I actually that term does still exist for many around the world. But none of us on this thread mentions either, nor did any of us mention evil. We just choose to be alone rather than deal with the "anti-social" people who have been abusive to us in the past. That is within our right to do so and comment as such - it's helpful for those still going through abuse to know there are other victims who have survived, got away, and are happy now. Nobody is suggesting that we are somehow better than others, just survivors who have 1 common interest - or rather experience. If you want to be on a soapbox giving faith to abusers - that they're OK, cos everyone has a bit of evil in them, then I don't think you have any clue about what harm this behaviour has. Nor is their behaviour "normal" I refuse to live in a world where that is deemed OK, because it most definitely is not. Yes there are some on the anti-social spectrum who still behave in a normal fashion and don't abuse others around them, but nobody here said that there weren't. You've chosen to reply to a very small group of victims as if we are wring for sharing our experiences. I'd love to know why...no, actually, I'd rather have peace.

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

I never remarried i watched some of my siblings married 3 to 5 times. Today the father of my children still a drunk 47 years later. I am homeless because i am not a narcissist. He put in there head I am evil. No, just not a puppet on his strings anymore, he uses money for them to be his puppets So sad.

[@intheraw6393]

Hmm I know some huge narcissists who won't act angry when one changes plans.. instead, they'll figure something else own the road to get you back - with a smile on their face 😌

[@skylergrey8655]

Yep, you always have to pay. If not in the moment, it'll be banked.

[@SheenaBerry-g5c]

Yesssssss very petty. Like a game of petty, and you don't even realize it until they strike.

[@kenjerkenjer9576]

@@intheraw6393 trust me they will punish you for it after a certain time the devil is in the details

[@elizabethy2912]

This is actually a great test- my was-band ALWAYS had to change any appointment I made for anything!! The appointments were NEVER acceptable to him!! Everything always has to be under HIS CONTROL!!! He couldn't handle change well, unless HE was in control of all the plans.

[@sitori663]

Yes the passive aggressive games.

[@ladybimshire6808]

Testing people in itself seems manipulative and unhealthy. If I found out someone is “testing” me for anything, I’m be out.

[@tinselstar]

It's not true testing, it's watching for certain behaviours when a usually unavoidable change in situation comes up. Hell, it could be how they treat you if you get a stuck in bed for a week surprise flu. Is it the same as they expected from you when the same happened to them? Sometimes your gut is telling you something so then you may 'test' by changing a dinner date time, going out with your friends on short notice, that type of thing, and seeing if they'll react full of red flags. Decent people rarely 'test' without the gut feeling unless they have a history of dealing with people like this so it's a blanket test for everyone, because they are still traumatised (get therapy if you are at that level) I think 'test' is the wrong word as you are looking more for a situational reaction warning checklist than a surprise exam

[@Xpistos510]

You might be one of them.

[@rockfelloweades4237]

No need to really test… a change of plans - it just happens naturally⁉️

[@Azurie-e9s]

ok bye dont let the the door hit you on the way out🤣🤣

[@karlsokalski4234]

Doing tests just for the sake of testing does seem a bit underhanded. Normal life provides enough wrenches to the works that people shouldn't have to create tests like the ones he mentions. Situations will crop up often enough to expose the red flag(s). Just don't ignore what you see.

[@deeks1205]

The problem is when your dealing with a person that knows they have a personality disorder and knows how to disguise themselves and their behaviour.

[@cathywasserman4571]

Exactly. These days, many know, though they would deny it, if confronted. They know to hide a great deal.

[@luigiprovencher]

Most people don't know.

[@Snack-well]

No one can hide for long. Over weeks and months their “mask” will slip. Don’t ignore it.

[@rob3oy658]

A BPD person will always tell you in the first 15 minutes. Can be as trivial like them saying "I push people away", "My Exes are abusers", "Everyone leaves me".

[@kateashby3066]

Not really. What do those with ASPD and NPD have in common? They work FAST and need YOU to get trapped quickly before you figure them out. That’s why they love bomb us. The trick is to take your sweet time in a new relationship and if they come on way too strong- that’s a HUGE red flag and either signals they are a predator or at the very least have abandonment issues and are anxiously attached. Either way- they’re not healthy. Healthy men and women don’t rush. They don’t sweet talk. They have boundaries and respect each others too.

[@teddiwolf4307]

You can no longer rely on words as they are the narcissist’s weapon of choice. The only thing you can rely on are actions. If the two do not line up, that is all the information you need to know. Run.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

...well said!

[@teefrankenstein4340]

💯

[@Sweetpea-2023]

Yes! Truth! Married to a “nice guy” narcissist for years. It was a mind bending experience. Focus on actions words mean nothing!

[@aprilj450]

@@Sweetpea-2023covert narcissists are worse than the overt ones imo, people don’t believe they are as evil as they are because they hide it so well.

[@williamsteidl5954]

you ever hear the saying actions speak louder than words? its fairly common for people to say one thing but do another. That in no way shape or form means they ASPD. There's a million things that could happen between someone making a statement on a topic to then taking action towards said topic. In many cases too, their actions can show that maybe they are just a shitty communicator or don't know how to express themselves through words and let their actions speak for them. Relationships aren't 24/7 sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns.. that being said if its a clear pattern and the actions and words skew negatively then yea its time to get out of dodge... Narcissists can also be extremely physically violent on top of the constant belittlement and manipulation. It takes a real special kind of ahole for someone to blame you for them beating the crap out of you. edit: spelling

[@amycimaglia913]

I’ve jumped out of a moving car on a busy street to get away from a terrible narcissist and I was not hurt at all. It was necessary.

[@1995marixsa]

Please stay safe

[@juliettebobcat704]

Glad you were OK, because when I was in the orthopedic wing, I was next to a teenage girl who jumped out of a moving car to get away from an intense argument with her mom, and she was EFFED UP.

[@1995marixsa]

@@juliettebobcat704 ufff, I can only imagine hoe hard it must have been on her, risking her life just to get away uuufff

[@BangWax]

Definitely not “on the spectrum” jumping out of a car on a busy moving street to “get away from a narcissist” when you could wait another few minutes to jump out of a stopped car at a red light even. But no. Yet another good decision, besides you didn’t get hurt. Wacko.

[@BangWax]

@@juliettebobcat704she wasn’t even escaping A “terrible narcissist?” Otherwise I would say “brilliant” ides. 😂

[@PAOLINAG]

OMG as a young woman, I had to jump out of a moving cab as he insisted he had to make an airport pitstop and everything in my gut told me to get out.

[@HULovingLife]

He love bombed me so quickly and asked a lot about me only to then act like he had the same interests… he actually did not. He is a chameleon and a great master thespian…. So grateful I woke up…

[@Nas_The_Dragon]

fine ill fully surrender and than when u go by no approach? why are we doing this to each other? u aren't perfect by miles I bet neither am I....maybe u are part of the 1% of enlightned masters but really are you yet?

[@fairlind]

Oh for heaven’s sake, we are talking about narcissists here, not minor imperfections. Stop being a flying monkey.

[@fairlind]

AND psychopaths. Let people learn to protect themselves.

[@Sasharobinson3]

Same and I have a child with mine. So glad he chose to quit seeing her bc she is better off without a father that will manipulate her and break her down.

[@GoldFreya]

Yes! You could be describing my ex-fiancé to the letter. I’m so thankful I had the courage and support to leave when I finally figured out that he didn’t want love, he wanted control.

[@JenP2776]

If someone tells you how amazing they are (like being a great father), you know they’re trying to convince you of something they know isn’t true but they hope you’ll trust his words alone. If someone is genuinely a good person (or father) they’ll let their actions speak for themselves.

[@shiepie]

This is 100% true and important to remember!!

[@jadewilson9018]

Me ex never answered anything I brought up expressing hurts or concerns instead would just shout in my face, 'you're crazy that's not reality, "I'm such a good guy" pfffffffttttt

[@lisajane4330]

@JenP2776 that's the biggest turn off from anyone for me, just shows they're insecurity.

[@JenP2776]

@@lisajane4330 And their inauthenticity!

[@ThePorshaEdmun]

Correct. Active and present moms don’t go around saying im a great mom. They just doing it 😊

[@melany.muraour]

I work on an 80/20 principal. If i feel unhappy more than 20% of the time and i observe it over a period of time, it highlights patterns of that person's bad behaviour. This indication informs my decision and justifies me ending my relationship with that person.

[@JohnShalamskas]

There are some absolute red flags I watch for. Does the person treat others, especially those who cannot defend themselves, like dirt, but not me? Because they will get around to me in due time, perhaps they are already doing it when I am not around to defend myself. Also the lack of empathy or respect for others, their feelings, or their property. Are they in the habit of putting me into uncomfortable situations? It's really likely for them to slip up, you just need to know the signs.

[@melany.muraour]

@@JohnShalamskas great points ❤️

[@HeavenlyLights]

Perfect.

[@brownavatar8]

I was holding my bonnet this entire conversation!! I learned SO MUCH! SO GLAD I STOPPED HERE!

[@judyfitch5279]

Dated a guy for several months. Nightmare out of the gate. Could not get him out of my life. Broke up with him three times. At the end, he laughed in my face and told me it was all a joke, a series of tests to see if I was "strong enough" to date him, and that I had failed. I went no contact immediately...thought getting away from him would be the end, but instead he doubled down...stalked down my friends, lied to them (conned them), blamed me for his own problems (getting fired from jobs, evicted from places because he couldn't get along with anyone). For years, he got other women to befriend me and syphon information about my life so he could continue to undermine it. This was 9 years ago and I'm still dealing with the fallout. I still think of moving, even though he's left, because I can't undo the damage he did. Reminders of it everywhere. RUN if you have even the slightest unsure feeling.

[@KideNetworks]

Same thing happened to me lol😂

[@LQOTW]

Holy crap what a nightmare!

[@ConciousConnection369]

I second that! Dealing with a similar situation now! Can't trust no one!

[@hobosapien7735]

Check DARVO tactics - deny (culpability), attack (the other person), and reverse victim and offender

[@bcc7777]

Mhmm. I felt every word of this. Down to getting girls to befriend me. Ugh, fucking creep!

[@crimsonskiss]

The part where he said if you REALLY like someone right away is everything !!! That may be a sociopath! If you don’t immediately like someone off the bat because they’re awkward or rude that means they’re not trying to manipulate you. The people who are super likeable in the beginning. That’s a red flag 🚩

[@aquarianrain9082]

This is good, but not always 100% true either! It's like alot of info is copy and paste where necessary and trusting your gut is most important of all!

[@Portia620]

Orange flag for caution and just proceed with caution as all people can throw a red flag from time to time. Caution as I was throwing red flags and I was in a toxic narc realionships for 29 years. Just be cautious.

[@kaybase6967]

This isn’t completely true in every situation because the opposite can be said too. For instance, if someone likes you right away, they could have some disorder themself like codependency or some other attachment disorder, maybe even be a narcissist themself. Not everything is black and white. There has to be other factors that determine if someone may be a sociopath and you’d have to get to know them and observe them more (maybe cautiously). You cannot just determine who a person truly is after only meeting them once. I think I am a very likable person. When I first meet someone, I am very friendly. That’s how I am. I’m not that way to try to manipulate someone. So that’s why I said not to immediately conclude that about somebody.

[@MichaelWaisJr]

A lot of cult leaders and recruiters “love bomb” people.

[@chicagolc7022]

Very good point.

[@laydgtv3218]

This man has the best curls ever

[@delavan9141]

"Vanity is unbecoming a man."

[@annaifos]

😂

[@apollyon1]

There’s no way he’s a spy right? I mean anyone could pick this guy’s hair out of a line up.

[@gigiarmany]

​@@delavan9141😂yeah, a bit narcissistic 😅

[@abigailandino6251]

@@delavan9141what? 😂

[@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj]

From personal experience, 10% makes perfect sense. I envy the people who don't experience 1/10 people as abusers, manipulators, or just plain mean and vindictive.

[@allafilipenya7432]

For people who think that takes too much time to write a journal…. I used to have a calendar as journal… Good day = smiling face Awful day = crying face. And then compere good days again awful days…. Big picture is surprising..😳

[@marystellarosetarot5700]

@@allafilipenya7432 GREAT idea

[@DH-uw3us]

I couldn't survive without my journal. I have to get my thoughts down. It does help to look back at previous entries and reflect.

[@JenGable-Justeson]

Another tool is to email yourself, and by doing this, you can reflect on monumental things that have occured on specific days, months, even years ago ! Sometimes, it may may reveal patterns of behavior with others, or by counting the occurances of dysfunctional issues/abuse/crime, it may force you to re- analyze your situation/relationship.

[@satukataja-lf4wo]

@allafilipenya7432 Great idea!!! I’ve always enjoyed looking at my calendars as a record of where I’ve been, what people have been in my life etc. So to add the next layer of recording emotional experiences and a-ha moments is brilliant and doable to an already existing system (in my case).

[@lilyghassemzadeh]

How was the big picture?

[@lisar2801]

Narcissists can't apologise, amd when they do it's a fake apology

[@Scarletpimpanel73]

That right there! That's how to find a narc. They can't genuinely and without reservation take blame.

[@reinapatricia6717]

💯💯

[@heatherberry01]

What about the person who you genuinely apologize to and they prefer to hold a grudge and resentment over you for said innocent mistake. People aren’t perfect on both sides. Mistakes happen. It’s what we do with learning from the mistake so that it doesn’t happen again is what it should be about. It should be about healing together and learning the other. The person I want to be with is someone I look up to and respect.

[@super266]

Exactly, finally a quality answer. Folks, no single marker immediately shows you if a person has a dark personality. It's a pattern. You need to be on the lookout for the aggregate set. The best strategy is seeing if they follow the "Narcissist Prayer" steps: 1) "That didn't happen." 2) "And if it did, it wasn't that bad." 3) "And if it was, that's not a big deal." 4) "And if it is, that's not my fault." 5) "And if it was, I didn't mean it." 6) "And if I did, you deserved it!"

[@yvonnebo6571]

They’ll say “I’m sorry you feel that way “ instead of really apologizing for what they did and acknowledging that what they did is the reason you feel the way you feel. They never take accountability for anything at all

[@jodirowe2996]

Women have been taught ‘always give the benefit of the doubt’ ‘give another chance’ ‘be nice & accommodating’ ‘help him’…which teaches us to ignore our internal messages. Gals don’t need to be scowling b’s, but a balance needs to be achieved. Woman are intuitive so trust yourself first

[@craZbeauTful]

You left out boys will be boys and men just don't think of that. All the passes they get and we are taught to overlook has put us in very dangerous situations. Society has coddled tf out of men as we carry the burden of being gaslight.

[@itsgvs833]

It feels so infuriating that women are always being blamed for the hurting the other person even though the other person is a psychopath or even a stalker. I regret giving a snake the benefit of doubt so badly now because I thought that I was overthinking and that I may be called names for misunderstanding a good 'friend' even though I felt extremely uncomfortable that I was being stalked by him. Finding the balance seems so challenging to me now.

[@ThePorshaEdmun]

Indeed

[@Steadyriot-is4jg]

nah fam, i know TONS of women who get themselves into fucked situationships, relationships with dudes who I KNOW are just going to fuck them over. Truth is, they don't listen to their gut because they think they will be different with them. They say, "bUt He'S sO aTtrAcTivE". completely ignoring the warning signs. Truth is, most women don't listen to their gut because the dude is "attractive."

[@morganitEm00NrAVEN]

​@Steadyriot-is4jg speaking from experience. Its a combination of attraction, attachment, dependency and the 'sunk cost fallacy': I.e. I've already put up with so much, I may as well try to make this relationship work. Realising this is a fallacy is what saved me.

[@lcarlson7725]

I have a narcissist in my immediate family. I'm 60. I have lived far from my family for 35 years and this relative is almost a decade younger than I. I always stood up for her, supporter her, believed her. Story after story, novel after novel - I believed her. Life caused us to live in close proximity a few years ago and I saw her - this time as an adult male with many years of experience. I discovered she was/is a full blown narcissist. Aside from feeling completely stupid for not noticing it (my wife would tell me there was something wrong w her because she always brought drama and chaos to every interaction...but I didn't believe my wife) I was shocked. I tried to reason w her logically, it was impossible. She treated our parents horribly - I would ask her why? what was she thinking? Never an apology, never an explanation? I won't bother you with the details. Here is how to end it - walk away. Silently. Quietly. Don't look back. Don't try to reason. Don't try to get the last word. You will fail. Just....fade....away..... - and pray they latch onto someone else. There is no other way to escape a narcissist

[@Аноним-щ3н]

Don't forget that narcissists and psychopaths learn everything people say about empathy, healthy relationships and so on.

[@andreaanonymous5474]

And they fake having it really well in the getting to know you stage.

[@Аноним-щ3н]

@@andreaanonymous5474 they want you to THINK they have all of these, so you will give it to them finally

[@yamairad1]

Yes, but they ALWAYS slip up. ALWAYS! It's extremely hard to keep this up for a long time. We need to be emotionally strong enough to identify and accept when they do slip.

[@44bosslady]

​@yamairad1 Yes, this is true. However, some of them can fake it as long as an year. Especially if they are trying to trap you in a relationship/ marriage.. Speaking from experience😔.

[@yamairad1]

@44bosslady Oh, I know. I was married to one. But, that's why you keep distance like he said. I let my X get too close to quick. I'm certain I would have left him had I had more space. Keep your distance and your eyes open.

[@chlofene]

I taught emotionally disturbed teens for 28 years; all this was present, and I had to learn how to deal with them or not. Now, I don't let anyone around me that I don't look at hard, and all it takes is one attempt to cross my boundary, and I am DONE.

[@ec1222]

People like you are incredible. You have my utmost respect for being able to withstand the stresses of your duties for 28 years, for such an important cause.

[@ffh6795]

not everyone has bad intentions though or crosses boundaries on purpose. i understand and support this idea when it comes to people that get a kick out of pushing people, but even difficult people deserve a chance to connect with someone. the way you phrase it here makes me think that you make yourself very very lonely out of trauma about what you experienced with these children. in the video at some point he talks about genuine people. how we are rough around the edges and dont act in a dishonest way. if you only accept smooth people around you, then you wont find genuine ones. hope you ok. and thank you for being one of those people that helped me alot when i was one of *these* boys... ❤️🫂

[@delavan9141]

Sounds like maybe you've let your experiences get the better of you.

[@NovaPrincess]

@@ffh6795 '...but even difficult people deserve a chance to connect with someone,' you say, but NO THEY DON'T. That type of entitlement is exactly what a narcissist or their enablers would have.

[@Azurie-e9s]

to be hones we didnt lose much by the way you are looking

[@briansaiditsoitmustbetrue4206]

I play the "Three strikes and you are out rule" when I meet a new person... Three 🚩🚩🚩's are you get dropped like a used paper tissue. No exceptions at all! I wait at least a month and go on at least 7 or 8 dates in public places before I let them know my home address. All five of my senses are working overtime when I first meet a new person. There are so many "Broken " people out there now... You can't be too complacent. Safe is always better than sorry.

[@Antoinette14273]

Agree about not giving the home address. You have to be someone very special to come into my sanctuary. That's a big boundary for me.

[@CMackenzie-e5u]

@@briansaiditsoitmustbetrue4206 that’s a great filtering strategy.

[@simonschneider5913]

true on the "so many broken people"... - and many of them make it being your problem what they dont want to deal with...

[@gilly5094]

@briansaidit Very good advice. 👍

[@meagiesmuse2334]

Absolutely. Also, the latest research I've heard about shows that there is a spectrum, and 17% of people are on the narcissistic spectrum, 30% are on the psychopathic spectrum. A little bit of narcissism is good, but many people who could not meet criteria to be diagnosed as having NPD still have a bit too much of those tendencies to be healthy. Intelligent psychopaths are often very successful, and congregate in a few select professions.

[@heatherlyfrancesruth3502]

This is absolutely amazing. After two relationships with anti-social men, (narcissistic, manipulators, sociopathic) I lived this for over twenty years. The way you explain it and break it all down is so accessible and true. I just wish I knew about this twenty years ago!

[@ssgta8082]

When I studied psychology in college, one big thing our instructor continually pointed out is that a psychopath is born, a sociopath is made.

[@KBB-nf1dr]

Truth be known psychology, doesn’t acknowledge demonic possession, and most psychopaths are empty vessels, demonically possessed, so that can happen at any point in life, not necessarily at birth

[@jacquelinevd977]

Thanks for pointing out the difference, as I assumed psychopaths & sociopaths are the same.🐣🥀

[@sirphil13]

It's ironic since "projection" is one of the hallmarks of personality disorders on people closes to them, these anti-socials will believe that you're the psychopath or sociopath, and thinks destroying you is doing good for all of society or the workplace or in your friend's circle.

[@FOODREVOLUTION360]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.IHe explains that those are passe descriptions for people that now fall under the same category of anti social personality disorder so you are both right captain reactionary! Calm TF down!

[@BUGZYLUCKS]

Not necessarily true there’s first principle and secondary principle psychopathy meaning that psychopathy can be created through nurture or nature. Sociopathy, however, is primarily from what I understand created from nurture.

[@heyu123]

I can’t deal with people who cancels last min. Just makes me feel that they’re undependable and words don’t match their actions

[@Merbella]

Exactly. Dependability is important. Sometimes, people cancel bc they found a better opportunity. No thanks

[@missmissy5170]

Exactly! Respect my time

[@qua7771]

I'm a planner with schedule involving other peoples time. If someone cancels, then they are disrespectful of everyone involved. I don't think this is a fair way to test someone just for the sake of it.

[@VictoryXR]

Looks like we found four of them 😂

[@qua7771]

@@VictoryXR So your the canceler?

[@practicalwoo]

I once had a guy I was dating ask me “what are some red flags you see in me?” So he could temporarily modify his behavior to pull me in. He was like a robot studying humans so he could mimic them better.

[@Alf258]

I've been there ... when someone asks you, " What are you looking for in a man?" Reply with " someone who is being himself, " so you avoid giving him the information to love bomb you by pretending to be all that you are looking for .If they ask you, " what is a red flag for you ?" Reply with " what is a red flag? How do you define it? Give me an example...i dont know " Through back the question and let them talk about themselves. If the think you dont know the definition of a red fag they will think you are naive and you dont know those terms so they will relax with pretending and be more themselves. Just observe ....

[@christinearmington]

😳 YIKES 😳

[@suzanne6441]

Spooky.

[@shaunasimpson8926]

Scorpio

[@practicalwoo]

@@shaunasimpson8926 Capricorn 😑

[@lucid_747]

When trying to spot a narcissist, there are exceptions to the rule. The highly sensitive person can be mistaken for the narcissist even though their motivation is the exact opposite. Eg, the narcissist is not showing their emotions because they're cold and calculating trying to get what they want. The HSP can also not show their emotions, but it's for a different reason-- they might be sensitive to what's happening, the sounds, smells, other people's emotions that their feeling.

[@familylifescienceeducation5227]

🎉❤

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

As an HSP this is so true.

[@Portia620]

Truths.

[@lucid_747]

@@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD ditto

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Here is something a diagnosed psychopath said on Reddit: “For cluster B, these trajectories can be rendered down to a principle primal fear and pattern of countering behavioural drivers. • NPD: fear of being unloved/forgotten • HPD: fear of being unwanted/ignored • ASPD: fear of being controlled” Remember this because this is the fears, the main driving force to hold they behave with others in society. People who have psychopathy read people extremely well. Some are organized thinkers who are highly intelligent, some are disorganized thinkers with low intelligence. It’s why it’s important to know this.

[@cherylstell3344]

I can smell one from a mile away. They frequently give a pitty story very early on - I now see to test your reaction. Then they study / stalk your social media and say things acting like you to you. Then they act too nice and too in love too soon. Men with issues frequently ask for sex too soon too. They also have bad habits like alcoholism and drug use….

[@iaf4454]

Do they ask you about "your past"? I had a gut feeling with a co worker, he is emotionless, his eyes are so cold. He also said that he will marry me in the future, and it was so weird bc I am not dating this guy. I feel he is a psycho... I wonder if this is like a love bombing for him How can you see it? How do you realise the person is a psycho? Do you ask questions?

[@insanogeddon]

Accountability is something that con artists, narcissists, psychopaths, and manipulator NEVER DO they change the topic, attack, or schmooze!

[@JohnShalamskas]

Accountability would imply that they are responsible for their destructive actions. That would destroy their self-narrative that they are good and not at fault for anything bad.

[@Nas_The_Dragon]

when did u become a living God on earth? can u tell me what shape your body, mind, and spirit are in right now today at your age? oh boy stop judging folks. most ppl are good and we simply do not love them or show them any love or support that is what is needed more in this World. not these stupid names or prisons.

[@patsmythe949]

A healthy relationship is reciprocal, not transactional. Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths have transactional relationships. They only give you the time of day if they can benefit by exploiting something about you. There is zero reciprocity from a psycho…unless it’s part of their scheme.

[@brainstemriff]

My gut says it's way more than ten percent

[@PTSarah32]

I think I understand where you’re coming from. There are people who have narcissistic traits (basically toxic/unhealthy) but not enough to be diagnosed. I wonder if mental health professionals will come up w/ NPD Type 1 & NPD Type 2.

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

there are other disorders that can have traits or just make up for toxic behavior like bipolar for example, wich makes the population of toxic people just way more then 1/10

[@geraltplisken1316]

I would say more around 30%. Cluster B people are toxic

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

Christians believe 1/3 of the angels became demons, and then we have the people who are possessed or influenced by them, so, you can do the math, and it is fairly obvious some are of the same spirit with the tropes they repeat.

[@mybrotherkeeper1484]

Yes. With the trauma of unrighteousness’ results increasing….

[@avril.227]

I’m so concerned about women dating now. It is a challenging time out there. It takes years to truly get to know someone. I recommend not taking the freeway of love, take the slow road … he is so right about trusting what someone does, not what they say. Don’t give a part of yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Also if you keep missing red flags get counseling. That usually means you have unresolved issues from your past and you may keep falling for similar men. Trust yourself ladies!

[@andymorales6907]

If the CIA's main purpose is to manipulate foreign adversaries to their (the US) advantage, why is the US in decline in so many areas I wonder? Is it because the agents are incompetent and/or do a bad job or it is all by design?

[@marshmallowsx1x]

❤

[@marshmallowsx1x]

❤

[@rebeccahowie7234]

I screen shotted your comment! ❤️

[@stadler72]

You're right. Except I think "Trust yourself" is too simple. You need people around you who love you who will see things you don't see; trust them enough to listen, since your feelings may tell you to ignore the signs. You need friends and community with backbone and who feel responsible for you in the right ways, so dudes with bad intentions will fear for their lives (should always be the case). It sounds unempathetic, but the goal is not "empathy at all costs"; it's order. Order is the foundation for human flourishing.

[@JenGable-Justeson]

I agree with him 100 %, with regard to being very cautious about who you allow into your life. Although, through direct observation, over a course of time, most of the time (not always) you can tell if someone is a criminal/liar/cheater/has severe mental health issues/has covert illicit drug problems, or may be totally healthy.

[@jillhollierleal6017]

This man is so good!❤ Every woman needs to pay attention to this information.

[@laurenalmeyda6916]

Trauma dump is a huge red flag. If you meet someone and the first time they talk to you they are telling you about their diagnosis, their dead family members who they are having a hard time moving past etc etc...run. Everyone has a story and a struggle. Do not give out your personal life story the first time you meet someone! They do this to hook you in or get nasty information on you.

[@jadewilson9018]

Yes! Or when they convince you to open up too soon, usually whilst pretending to be super empathetic and interested in your story... red flag. They're gathering Ammunition and doing pattern reading like a hunter.

[@CoachCreesh]

🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

[@shekinahfire5936]

This is a HUGE RED FLAG! 🤞💯

[@bakedbeans9546]

And have you noticed, people you BARELY know do this. I remember I once started a company where a colleguge trauma dumped her very personal issues on me, she turned out to be the biggest manipulator/liar in the whole company. The more they talk, the less I say.

[@fawncannon1008]

they also do it to establish victimhood and the trauma bond.

[@pb8797]

Red flag someone who gets too comfortable too quickly. Also how do they speak of their exes.

[@janetkendle2073]

THIS!!! There were so many clues in that! I had that little ✔️ in my spirit but ignored it! I kept pushing forward.."Poor thing, she treated him SO BAD" 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@rebeccahowie7234]

Ya the ex’s are “crazy.” That’s why they are blocked… it makes sense! Some people are crazy and need blocked. My ex blocked me only because I know how he is and how bad it is!! I used to wonder why his ex was blocked, now I know!!

[@jadewilson9018]

Mmm mine was pretty advanced, he realised that speaking well about his exes was a solid cover act to seem like a nice guy (even though he completely abandoned each one coldly). They study healthy people to copy 'good behaviour' to seem more decent. Behind closed doors they were evil to each one. I have no doubt

[@janetkendle2073]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I No, pretty sure I don't treat ppl like my ex does. The difference is I have never set out to hurt someone and if I do something that hurts somebody else I am willing to change and take responsibility. My ex would never admit he was wrong or did anything hurtful even if you had evidence with pictures and videos and eyewitnesses. You are correct. The Word of God tells us we are all born into sin and we are all going to Hell unless we accept the sacrifice that the only perfect person made for us by taking our sins on Himself and dying for us and rising again on the 3rd day.

[@janetkendle2073]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I 👍🏼

[@susangrande8142]

@16:50 he’s absolutely right about the lack of people-pleasing, the socially a bit awkward thing, at least for some people. My husband is like this. I *know* that whatever he says to me he absolutely believes/knows; it’s his personal integrity. What I see is what I get. There is no manipulation in him. I love that! I grew up in a family where my father was a narcissist, and my mother was very controlling and abusive. We’ve been happily married for almost 17 years. 💝

[@jadewilson9018]

Beautiful x How did you manage to gravitate to a genuine person after that childhood experience? Struggling with this.

[@KarenRalls-f8o]

Thank you both for the courage in sharing this kind of info - and for also showing us that there are still some good intell folks out there, who truly care about justice - not merely a 'just us' mentality! Holiday blessings to all on here today

[@sparkle3000]

Self love, celibacy and the 90 day rule will help keep you safe. Don't be prey, follow your instincts and follow your intuition. Never on-line date, it has become a playa's paradise.

[@thecurator2626]

Can they tell women how to identify child predators? Too many single women with young children are inviting these creeps into the lives of their children to the detriment of everyone.

[@eun5150]

😢100

[@Kitofthearts]

Misandry?

[@Kitofthearts]

In this context, the single mothers must lean on male family or friends. The emotional response is to warn all men, who are willing to enter into a relationship with a woman, that they cannot raise another man’s child.

[@marleyhill34]

Rule One: do not become a single mother unless you went to a sperm bank, adopted or fostered. Rule number 2: if you are a single mother, never leave your children alone with a man who isn't their father. That's it. every man has the potential to be a predator. And some men unalive their own children. If it wasn't illegal, as it is in many countries in the world, men would have sex with a child. Angola and the Philippines set the age of consent at 12. Pregnancy can destroy the body of a 12-year-old girl. The psychological burden of fatherhood can destroy the mind of a12-year-old boy. I'm nearly 43 and child free. If I still want children, I would not do it with a man. 9 out of 10 men that I grew up with had toxic traits...and not all of them were related to me. I'm talking about neighbours, community leaders, in laws, teachers and church leaders.

[@StormyMonday0896]

Trust your gut feelings. If a guy comes with no kids and you have kids, be cautious, no benefit of the doubt. If a guy keeps asking for money, be very careful

[@lucid_747]

EVERYBODY NEEDS THIS INFORMATION. And if you're dreamy about someone WAKE UP and look at what they're REALLY like. Take what they say with a grain of salt unless they've PROVEN OVER TIME that they're reliable. WATCH WHAT THEY DO= for THAT is Reality.

[@Portia620]

Yep!!

[@carolinospelt2932]

Best advice👍🏻!

[@TheGreatDeep-711]

Brilliant statement with regards to relevancy ... "You have to put more weight on the action he took today than the promise he made yesterday!" So grateful for you to share this wisdom! Super empowering!!!

[@mygoodnessdarlin]

He is brilliant! Please do another interview with this expert. Very intriguing information and it may even keep people safe from falling into situations with these characters.

[@ImYourOnlyItGirl]

Recently broke up with a newer man I was dating. He was obsessed with everyone acknowledging how wonderful and optimistic of a person he is. And then the mask started to slip, when I would share my feelings about something, he would make the most hurtful comments with a positive tone and a smirk that I think he thought came off as a non threatening smile. I couldn’t stand that in the most serious of times, he would always be smirking or laughing. Especially if you were crying and opening up. My gut was screaming at me to say my goodbyes and block him forever. His initial kindness and positivity was infectious and disarming. I should’ve known it was too good to be true from the start, only too three weeks to have real proof of that lol. He talked SO MUCH about how much he loved to help others, but I only ever saw him mocking others. And he was so good at gaslighting and manipulation when I’d ask about his odd behaviors, that most of us would easily self doubt. That’s how easy it is for some antisocial folks out there, amazing actors.

[@Stephchang-d3l]

I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,

[@brigitte9999]

I don’t think so if you have a narcissistic parent. You have been programmed from birth to override your gut instincts. And when you have questioned your environment you are negated.

[@Andrew-zr1jt]

Great explanation , thank you!

[@sayusayme7729]

So impactful, grew up around these blood suckers. It’s incredibly hard to discern when raised by them and their posse. As an INFJ I’ve fallen for this until I learned all of this. Thank you 🌻

[@curiousgeo90]

As someone who just got out of a relationship with someone like this... I am not sure about the give and take test. In the love bombing stage they will give anything and everything. It's all about winning you over and making you reliant on them. He painted my apartment and helped me with my kids at the drop of a hat when I called. Thats how they get you trauma bonded. They want to be your go to person so when they treat you terribly you don't know how to turn away.

[@dylanclark8856]

Or maybe you're not being honest with yourself about the issues YOU brought to the relationship? So tired of this "love bombing" nonsense. It isn't weird to do nice things for people. How the fuck else are you supposed to develop an intimate relationship with someone?

[@dylanclark8856]

Like honestly the fact that you could actually give examples when it came to the "love bombing" part of your claim but just vaguely claim they later "treat you terribly" is quite telling honestly.

[@henritaas9997]

​@@dylanclark8856wow chill, you can't read someone's life through one comment

[@dylanclark8856]

@@henritaas9997 i didn't "read their whole life", it's just how i see 99% of these cases where girls claim a guy "love bombed" them. Like oh yeah, i'm sure he did all those nice things with evil intentions. Like even if shit went bad i doubt they pre planned all that and did those nice things specifically to make it hurt more later like that term implies. If someone wanted you that bad and then decided layer they didn't just maybe it's your behavior.....

[@henritaas9997]

@@dylanclark8856 that's fair, but 99% isn't 100% so chill, you can't guarantee that this person is wrong and just rudely accuse them

[@viannarts]

If you test someone changing dates on purpose to study their reactions keep in mind that you are behaving like a manipulative psychopath.

[@simonschneider5913]

its a fine line...youre so right on that!

[@Alpharexx]

It's literally gaslighting, except of changing the gas volume of the gas lamp, you change the dates on purpose then blame the other one when they're confused by you changing dates for fun. What a terrible idea.

[@simonschneider5913]

@@Alpharexx i can tell you one thing: until youre completely independent of a narc - you have to get very close to doing shitty stuff like that -with the narcs you try to get away from... I am threading this insanely fine line right now. its enormously draining to not fuck it up! :)

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

If you do your research on someone, does that mean you're a terrible person? Should you blindly follow and believe? I tested people before, and if I haven't, I'd have been fooled by their act.

[@cryptomaniac2]

Facts

[@brendabe4674]

This man is dropping GEMS!! He give such practical information. Normally I hear discussions on the effects these individuals have on people. However this gives guidance on how to discern and how trust your gut. Very good.

[@nightingale721]

"but If they can't handle change it's a good indicator that you're dealing with somebody who IS immature or dealing with who is on that spectrum ".. note to self! Indeed! Been there!

[@Victoriaisbroke]

4:30 Be careful while testing someone, making changes time after time also puts the tester in a bad light, meaning the tester can't be trusted to keep their word or promises.

[@annaholt5673]

My thoughts exactly. Change is not suggested for an actual reason but as some sort of whim to "test" if a person can roll with it. A few of those changes I would roll right out of that relationship.

[@janine9871]

I like the idea of testing with simple requests to change things. Really good tip.

[@FunkyMunky-w2m]

No, a healthy relationship has true love and care, that doesn't just go away. It is reciprocal until it ends, not transactional. The latter means more like, that's what narcs do, just extracting what THEY can from the relationship, then easily discard you and not care about you anymore. Which is sick

[@bellaapple2166]

Exactly Dr. Ramani who is an expertise in Narc, sociopaththy, psychopathy. She always says people with those personality disorders view relationships as transactional.

[@User-t3g3x]

Can they change to a Normal Person?

[@FunkyMunky-w2m]

@@User-t3g3x if they repent for their sins and follow Jesus for real

[@cynthiagonzales74]

They use you when they know you are struggling until they get on their feet then they leave.

[@FunkyMunky-w2m]

@@User-t3g3x Jesus can change anyone who repents

[@galtgallery6720]

This is one of Andrew Bustamante's best podcasts...showing women how to protect themselves from emotional/social manipulation.

[@kmh8566]

Oh my word. This man is soooo eloquent. He breaks things down in such a tangible way. Phenomenal communication skills my dude!

[@BronwynneBessette-v7s]

All that & a bag of chips. I would rob a bank for this one.

[@plexq]

You know who else can't handle change well? People on the Autism spectrum, and people with PTSD of any type, including and especially childhood trauma. These people aren't sociopaths or narcissists, they're just emotionally ill-equipped based on their upbringing. They also aren't interacting in a healthy adult way with a situation, but for a whole different set of reasons.

[@BeingAGoodDoctor-iq6ln]

or people who keep time bad are different from very punctual types. his heuristic is bs the way he phrases it. maybe, if you are dating and people initially arent flexible thats a red flag, sure. however, there are many reasons for that too.

[@adricocos]

If you observe most traits for a long period of time then you can tell the difference between a narcissist, psychopath and person's with autism or PTSD. They are so different. Unfortunately spending little time with people won't allow you to really know them. That's why it's important to know the differences. If you just know them from distance, Has charm and Love bombs you? But if you get too close devalues you? Is invasive? Manipulates you? Gas lights you? Recruits flying monkeys? Triangulates? Gives you the cold shoulder? Then puts you on a pedestal? The narcissist and psychopath have strategy and a hidden agenda. An autistic person or PTSD do not.

[@RosyFlamingo]

Yes and dissociative disorders and depression can really numb emotions. Doesn't mean you're the 1 in 10 (but does mean that probably therapy is a good idea).

[@TiaStroop]

I understand there are other conditions with similar "appearances " Still good to be alert.

[@joanofarcxxi]

The majority of people in western society fall for charisma first and foremost. And often times, people with a lot of charisma tend to have serious personality disorders.

[@Portia620]

Not all as Dr Ramni. Some not all but it’s a caution flag to look for other stuff

[@CMackenzie-e5u]

@@joanofarcxxi indeed. A lot of us are taken in by surface level facades that appear to be “nice” but underneath, there’s a complete lack of integrity there.

[@Omkar-Naik]

Generally true everywhere, not just in western societies.

[@vivavidadela]

I’m dealing with a narcissistic ex-husband! For everything I need to go to court because co-parenting only works on his terms. Unfortunately the court and all the government offices fall for his charisma and fake persona! It’s frustrating. I’m at a point where I’m thinking about to just give him full custody to end this battle that I can’t win!

[@WaveformV1.0]

@@vivavidadela Hang in there and try to make 50/50 work would be my advice. Good luck

[@FedorMachida]

Most people will be kind of pissed if you cancel a dinner date at the last minute. You take time to prepare for it, get your suit from the cleaners, get a haircut, maybe, even take time off of work? I would think the opposite would be true. If someone didn't react to the change of plans, or just shrugged it off, I would think he was a psycho, lol

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

No empathy no respect ❤

[@JustCallMeLiberty]

This is why I stay home😂

[@cherylstell3344]

Yup. lol. 😂🎉

[@Yettobeprovedwrong]

😂 Me too!!!

[@shahadah1451]

Me too!

[@Jet-h7q]

My ex argued against the ‘relevancy principle’ - he would say “stop putting these things together, that other time was 6 months ago, get over it”. It kept me confused and stuck for years.

[@ec1222]

‘All you do is throw things I’ve shared with you back in my face in the next argument’ 🙄🙄🙄 uhhh no I’ve just noticed the pattern of your behaviour has been present for a long time and you are damned even by your own words 😂😂

[@Jet-h7q]

@@ec1222 yes! I would say “it’s a pattern” and he’d say “no, they’re separate incidents. I’ve been good for months!”

[@ec1222]

@@Jet-h7q 😂😂 ‘I’ve been good for ages, it cancels out this minor stabbing incident! You’re unreasonable!!’

[@jadewilson9018]

​@@ec1222 if you're actually using things shared by them whilst vulnerable to shame them in an argument that is NOT healthy, but expressing your hurt or concern over repeated behaviour is different.

[@Jet-h7q]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I I work in field that requires an understanding of those terms so I agree sociopaths is an outdated term. Psychopathy is still recognised with assessment criteria. I have worked with people with Antisocial PD (and other PDs). I didn’t mention evil, just a pattern of behaviour. And I’m talking about a relationship with someone I loved, not a psychopath. Your comment is a bit strange.

[@guardotyrone]

This woman love bombed me on the 2nd day and was amazing immediately. Made grand plans for our future and was everything I was looking for. She did have bad anxiety and BP but I now think she may have been a narcissist as well. She broke my heart in a cold way. Did me no favors that my ex before her was a classic narcissist too. I'm still trying to put together the pieces while I just want to be loved.

[@redirectyourself]

I believe that since social media the number of Narcissists is on the rise. I am an LMHC and it seems to have become more common

[@bonnielovely]

i 100% agree with you. we also have a higher population, more people means more narcs and we have more access to information also helps us understand and identify those individuals more easily. narcs in the past could probably mask way easier than now in an age of surveillance

[@arizonawildflwr]

I love children and always want them to be safe, healthy, and happy but... recently I find myself thinking of them as manipulative and bossy and controlling and it breaks my heart because they're not getting guidance and it seems to be their survival "skill" they come up with... 😢

[@urofan]

There are a lot of people that don't care if their actions affect someone's life in a negative way. I have seen both bad and good people in this world.

[@Bubbles99718]

One basic and easy way to spot issues is if you feel you are walking on eggshells around someone. You can't put your finger on it but there's a discomfort or awkwardness. The trick is, to notice that, the eggshells, and take it seriously and respond to it. Most often the proper response is to bail. Obviously, this happening at work or with family, yikes

[@g.strobl4458]

I agree with you. Sadly, one cannot always flee. School, work, sports clubs, etc. often come equipped with their own toxic specimens...

[@bakermark6891]

Andrew, you've always been one of the best in the agency. Enjoyed working with you. Keep up the great work you're doing brother

[@vcampbell5761]

My 20th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. My lovely husband just got out of a car, in front of the building WE live in together with another female. Of course I'm blind as hell and didn't see what me, the security guard at our residence and a couple of friends witnessed. What pecks my peas is when a narcissist argues public, and apologies in private. THAT is my husband. He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary and I replied, A DIVORCE. Be strong my sisters of EVERY RACE and religion. Hold your ground, but most important, don't argue with these clowns and remain the beautiful, strong women that you are. RESPECT!

[@user-us4mc7ej3c]

Oh h3ll no 20 years .. be strong you're worth more than this clown

[@Sweetpea-2023]

Be careful. This is the most dangerous time, when you are leaving. I divorced a sociopath/ narcissist after a decade plus. Hire a PI and d get a good lawyer. Don’t tell him about your plans. Good luck!

[@vcampbell5761]

@@Sweetpea-2023 thanks

[@SarahSodaJ1]

I am not surprised that there are more psychopathics, sociopaths or narcissists amongst us than some people think.

[@ohdwight]

narcissists are everywhere

[@SarahSodaJ1]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I nasty like you? I know that the clinical diagnosis/name of personality disorder is called anti social personality disorder but thank you for your attempt on educating me. To assume that you know exactly what I don't know and what I'm trying to say, is pretty grandiose. Nobody is impressed by your lack of social skills. I said nothing to you nor did I try to offend anyone but here we are. I'm sure I'm not the first person you tried to insult today and I won't be the last.

[@SarahSodaJ1]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I nasty like you? I know that the clinical diagnosis/name of personality disorder is called anti social personality disorder but thank you for your attempt on educating me.

[@SarahSodaJ1]

What I was trying to assert with my original comment, was that statistically only 1% or one point some of people are psychopathic or sociopaths/anti social but like buddy in the video said, there are actually more and I believe it.

[@SarahSodaJ1]

@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I and yes they actually do. The name of the mental disorder was just modified when they wrote the DSM-5. And I'm not wrong about what I said about you as I just checked out your channel and you have nothing positive to offer. I'm not the first person to go off on you and tell you exactly what you need to be told but you don't learn very quickly. You get off on trying to put others down r and by causing trouble. If didn't respect the creator of this channel, I'd have a lot more to say to you, believe me. One day you won't be able to hide behind your phone or tablet or whatever device you use. Oh let me guess, it's probably the best! Lol

[@EncompassingChaos6]

"If we don't value that information, we don't remember it." Remember that when he can't remember your previous conversations that you did value. He did not.

[@JohnShalamskas]

Hold on to your horses, there. Some people get flustered when they are interacting with someone they like a lot, and their brain stops working properly due to over-excitement. Don't jump to conclusions over someone who can't remember your name when they first meet you.

[@EncompassingChaos6]

@JohnShalamskas Many conversations over years are another story.

[@sharipeterson1126]

A couple of people in my life who I had mistakenly thought were wonderful, told me that they are very bad people. Like an idiot, I didn’t believe them. But then, they did the dirtiest, most underhanded and evil things to me, and I realized that they had actually told me of their true personality. I will never again doubt someone who tells me how bad they are, and I'll break off contact immediately!

[@mikelarrutiromero9430]

So... To find if someone we are dating is a narcissist, we must test them doing things that narcissist do, like cancelling plans at the last minute or taking away something with sudden change. Yeah, sure... This test will make health people with secure attachment and great conditions cut you off because you are showing you can't be really trusted. And if you are dealing with a narcissist... oh boy, that person will be really patient just to take revenge and make your life hell... I'd rather take my chances and behave like a mature adult who respects other people. There is no need to do that kind of thing to test people. Just set healthy boundaries and be strong for your well-being and the ones around you. Just go to therapy people. And learn to be a good enough human being ❤

[@NEbluefire]

I agree with some of what you say. I think your basic premise is correct. For example, narcissists take advantage of codependent people. We like to go around, calling ourselves fancy things, like "empath" and then that's not enough, we have to come up with fancy additional special kinds of empaths to be so that we can feel like we are magical beings, this itself is our narcissism working. We may not have it clinically, but we have moments of some of it because we're on the same spectrum with them. Anyway, I digress a bit. The part of your equation that you left out is an exit strategy for not dealing with a narcissist. You cannot set boundaries with somebody who has disorders like these. They know how to move the goalposts in ways that you can't see coming. If you think that you may be dealing with one, you need to stop dealing with them.u

[@mikelarrutiromero9430]

@@NEbluefire I agree! We don't set boundaries with a narcissist. We just don't deal with them. We put them out of our life. It's simple, not easy. That's why I said we have to be strong for our own well-being and be brave to do what we must. I dealt with a narcissist woman for some time a while back, so I know there is no way to deal with them without ending in a bad situation.

[@az55544]

You are the 1 in 10.

[@mikelarrutiromero9430]

@az55544 the 1 in 10? You don't know me, nor anyone else who I've seen you accuse of being narcissist. Please get help... You seem to see narcissists everywhere. That's not healthy or realistic at all. Wish the best for you ❤️

[@JohnShalamskas]

@@az55544 Bingo.