Cinematic Excrement: Episode 70 - Total Recall (2012)

Come on, Cohaagen. You got what you want. Give these people a good movie!
BLOG: cinematicexcrem...
TWITTER: / smeghead4269
VIMEO: vimeo.com/cinem... (If you can't find an older episode of Cinematic Excrement on KZbin, it's probably here.)

[@TheHeroOfTomorrow]

Oh come on, Smeghead, have you never been to The Bar? I love their Beer beer and Burger burgers!

[@MissBarker93]

I see what you did there.

[@troyschulz2318]

Oh, and the bartender Barr Tennderr is a great mixer, and the open mike improv guy Noht Funnie is hilarious!

[@petehill7280]

+TheHeroOfTomorrow Brought to you by the department of redundancy department.

[@davidteer80]

TheHeroOfTomorrow It is just called "Bar"

[@troyschulz2318]

Why of course it is Male Homo Saipian

[@WinterSteele]

The part about them referring to Australia as "The Colony" is somewhat amusing if you're familiar with the country's history as a penal colony. It's not a laugh riot by any means, but worthy of a small smirk.

[@Kousaburo]

Winter Steele I wish you were MY penal colony. Trollollol.

[@neocomp92]

Winter Steele The whole movie strongly implies a return to good ole Britannia and her Empire, and that The Empire is evil, oppressing the poor, backward colonists

[@tastyloaf5487]

As I mentioned elsewhere, Australia is like 99% desert. Unless you're near the coast... you are *royally* screwed! (Pun intended.)

[@gracekim1998]

neocomp92 oh😅

[@mousaabutaa353]

@@tastyloaf5487 what pun?

[@HoopsAndDinoMan]

Something that really bothered me about this movie that you didn't mention is that, just like the original, the big climax is an attempt to save the innocent civilians from being killed by the bad guys, except the original actually gave us some time with Quaid interacting with the civilians and giving us a chance to get to know them. That way, we're emotionally invested in whether they live or not.. With the remake, we don't care about the bystanders in Australia who the bad guys are about to kill -- they're just a bunch of people we've never seen before.

[@adnsaurus]

Its nice to see you here, great reviews on your channel

[@hokiturmix]

Except this is the original story and the old one is the remake. :D

[@teheyepatch]

Of course the special effects for the original Total Recall were great. The guy who did the effects was Rob Botin, who did the effects for John Carpenter's The Thing. As soon as I saw that in the credits, I thought "Oh yes, this movie's gonna look awesome!"

[@Dethneko]

18:22 That's not an elevator system, it's a Wonkavator system.

[@zackkelley2940]

Dethneko Sadly the Wonkavator made more sense.

[@DMT-kk3dp]

😂😂

[@DrShaym]

Replacing Schwarzenegger with Colin Farrell is like replacing Tom Hanks with Adam Sandler.

[@tastyloaf5487]

Oooooh that's gonna sting

[@johnrogan9420]

Arnold lover!

[@rorylumley4727]

I like colin farel but he is miscasted as the big tough action hero. He is obviously physically fit but looks more like a normal person. If they went for the angle he is a normal man in over his head it would seperate the remake from the orginal.

[@oliverliu5065]

nah, it's more like replacing adam sandler with tom hanks in a good adam sandler comedy.

[@davidcokeley2918]

It's not the actor that's the problem

[@marccolten9801]

The closest anyone has come to Dick's story is a Mamaduke cartoon I saw in print years ago. Marmaduke is asleep in his doghouse when a tiny spaceship lands. The tiny aliens get his paw print on a peace treaty and fly away. The confused dog goes back to sleep.

[@spookyrosev6467]

As Film Brain joked in his review “See British Imperialists, just wait a few years and we can get back our old colonies” Seriously don’t know what to make of that plot point.

[@peterlane1391]

The Colony actually does work as a name because Australia was literally just that back in the day. Plus it invokes the allegory they're going for better: a place for the refuse of society according to the rich.

[@gracekim1998]

Mmm I guess that sort of makes sense 😅

[@perfectallycromulent]

For many years, I didn't know this version existed. I miss that.

[@animeotaku307]

15:29 A virtual recording that can only answer the "right" questions? Hey! That's like "I, Robot," another film I'd rather be watching.

[@PoeticProse7]

Fun Fact: Len Wiseman also worked on the miniature effects for Quest of the Delta Knights which is featured in one of my favorite MST3K episodes!

[@TiciTotyTony]

Oh also i wanna take this time to say R.I.P Roddy Rowdy Piper :"(

[@yoericktv9610]

Dude, you nailed it! Especially the hair wrap and the last scene where you comment about Beckinsale being married to the director.

[@faze_buendia9514]

This movie is one of my guilty pleasures, I love it. I love the idea of living space being the move valuable resource on the planet at the moment, and having to get creative w/ building upwards and out, using the high powered magnets to double the highways, the glowing tattoos, and the hand phone! that you can throw up onto any glass surface? W/ the way they're making phone smaller and smaller but w/ more convenient features, I feel like this is a possible thing in a century or so. I tell myself that they could basically take apart the rest of the world to build it all since everywhere else is empty and uninhabitable. I feel like this movie's biggest flaw is calling itself a remake of Total Recall, they could've made a few little tweaks here and there and called it something else, then it wouldn't have been compared to it's superior predecessor.

[@exchangAscribe]

i love this movie too. its a novel idea of a future city and alot of really neat looking details that could exist in a different world that they took time to put in.

[@yourrightimsooosorry884]

Love the disclaimer at the beginning!!!

[@JohnAvengerJR1985]

This remake was just pointless:Arnold did it better in the early 90s and the remake couldn't top it.

[@TevyaSmolka]

John Avenger agreed fuck the remake give me the classic any day

[@billybarnett9518]

Still, it could have been a good movie, was hoping they would have gone for a more campy tone instead of this half and half BS.

[@Phoenix2312]

@@billybarnett9518 If they understood Philip K. Dicks works and how he generally has his leads as an "Everyman" where we can see ourselves as that person.. Thrust into a situation beyond our comprehension... It could have worked! But Hollywood thinks that Action Movies need to be PURE ACTION... Dick wrote Characters... And that's what's lacking, Character! They wanted to be different but also the same as the OG film... So forgot that the depth is what matters... And Colin Farrell can play Depth! It was teh same with the BS Daredevil Movie... Colin Farrell should have been Brilliant As Bullseye... Heck, He was... But that was OVERLY CAMP and we didn't see enough of Bullseye to make it worth it! I woudl love to see a Serious Bullseye with Colin Farrell in lead... As I do believe he can do it! It is always teh scripts letting him down and he just seems to take what he can get... A Real shame as he is actually a bloody good actor... I dont think he does himself any favours by just taking whatever project pays well!

[@charlesvan13]

To get from Australia to Brittan in 17 minutes you'd have to average 28,000 miles per hour. There's also the impossibility of traveling through the eath's core with extreme pressures and temperatures.

[@helpimarock66]

6:23 - 6:32 That made me laugh so hard I had to pause the video to get over my sheer laughing fit. Come on Filmmakers, that makes absolutely no sense! The earth isn't like a giant apple that you can just drill a hole through, there's multiple levels of rotating flows of molten rock that wouldn't consistently remain open long enough to set up some kind of intraplanetary (intra- as in on the same planet) train line, and how hot it is (the outer core being the same temperature as the surface of the sun), goes without saying (you could not insulate the walls against heat like that). How do these hollywood writers constantly continue to get jobs when it's pretty clear that they all failed their fourth-grade science classes? And lastly, if it didn't work as a plot element in "The Phantom Menace", it's most certainly not going to work here.

[@lowbird7947]

This train also goes at like 6,500 miles per hour, to pass through the earth in 17 minutes

[@markkimberley5937]

Is it me or is there a long break between each episode of cinema excrement? Great series of shows. Keep up the brilliant work.

[@jss302]

The special effects in the original were amazing

[@lordbarristertimsh8050]

Am I the only one who has the suspicion that this movie didn't start out as a remake of Total Recall in the first place? But because marketing, they shoehorned in elements from Total Recall at some point after production started.

[@JH-mp1jo]

Honestly, Australia's reaction (22:50) is the most realistic aspect of this movie.

[@Kousaburo]

Bar? Highlander II did that as well. "McCloud goes to bar to have drink..." - Spoony.

[@gokaury]

I can't wait until the Cinematic Excrement for the new Ghostbusters movie. Should have a fun time with that video.

[@ConnorNotyerbidness]

The fall is actually theoretically possible. Assuming that you can survive the core and assuming you can force it away from the core (otherwise ud be stuck there, so powerful rockets or something) youd keep falling towards the surface on the other side of the planet until you came out the hole, as long as someone catches you your good, otherwise youd fall back straight down the hole and out the other side hoping for someone to catch you. Which the movie actually does show. Suprisingly. Neil degrasse tyson made a video about it i think through cosmos.

[@kilssj2250]

05:31 - "Oh I love going to Bar. I usually order sandwich and have drink." ^_^ hehehe

[@RaLLenheimer]

i´ve got 4 kids to feed !

[@Jakesgr8vlogs]

RaLLenheimer What happened to number five?

[@RaLLenheimer]

JAKESGR8VLOGS oh shit, you caught me ... i´m not even married ! :)

[@PowerGlove79]

@@RaLLenheimer Hey Benny!! SCREW YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

[@archnof0]

There was one thing that really struck me as weird (not bad, just weird) in the 1990 version. The big fight with his wife goes on for quite a while and they almost kill one another. Then,exhausted, they finally stop and just sit down and converse. I didn't know what to make of it

[@Randomvideos3200]

New Cinematic Excretment! Quick! Watch it before the Copyright Hammer falls!

[@WinterSteele]

***** No kidding? I didn't know he had a Vimeo account. Thanks for the tip!

[@jarednil69]

Even though this film is forgettable, the hover car chase scene was AWESOME to see in the theater.

[@faze_buendia9514]

I'm definitely the minority on this, but I liked this movie. I think the handphone is not only plausible but possible in the future, with the way we're glued to our phones, the fact that they keep getting smaller or skinnier or somehow more convenient for the hand to hold, eventually, it'll be easier to just implant a phone into one's hand. And being able to project onto any glass surface? Makes sense if we're talking convenience, you can find a pane of glass almost anywhere, and we can already cast from our phones to tv screens, and the purpose would serve the same as Facetime, Skype, etc. do now. I also like the idea of building upwards since living space is the most valuable commodity in that universe, when you can't expand outward the only other direction to go is up. They use high-powered magnets in everyday objects like cars so it's feasible to think they use it to hold up their buildings like there highways. They can scavenge the world for supplies as long as they have enough oxygen, that's how I imagine they got the supplies to build The Fall and stuff. Lastly, and in retrospect, I look at the magnetic cars driving under the highway as like the sleeping pods on Passengers, they've never failed before and so are assumed to never fail at all. I mean really, it would take someone pretty stupid, desperate, or suicidal to test the theory of the magnets failure.

[@RoyStantz]

I can imagine Jessica Biel having a meeting with a movie executive who's a bit like both Alan Partridge and Tony Hayers, and he's telling her, "You have a proven track record for starring in mostly bad films."

[@ur2c8]

No mention of how he managed to carry an unconscious Melina all the way from where he crashed his car to his old apartment covered in blood through busy streets without anyone noticing.

[@AllisonMiller30]

They looked so weird with their hand phones like when we were little kids and we were too old for a play phone, but not too old to pretend.

[@toastydanny9136]

Thumbs up for Kevin Owens shirt.

[@charlesvan13]

Those lens flairs are such a dumb idea. It's just pointlessly adding a defect to the shot.

[@jbvader721]

And I thought JJ Abrams was bad with them.

[@briancorvello3620]

15:15 In their defense, the idea of "interactive recordings" has been done before. Star Trek: The Next Generation did it pretty well.

[@chrisandrew7577]

Yes, smeghead. I've had many dreams of being in a movie with Jessica Biel.... Just wasn't an action movie.

[@PaxAnarx]

Oh, I'm sure there was action 😉🤣

[@CalrissianSteele]

Could have just called it The United Colonies of Australia. lol. Or something similar.

[@TheLouis3877]

I think by 'the colony' they mean the colony of Britain.

[@tastyloaf5487]

"The Republic" would have been more future-y.... Or how 'bout *The Commonwealth* .... (Kind of writes itself, really...!)

[@gracekim1998]

Tasty Loaf Er....😅we already have countries for that

[@saltymisfit6566]

J.J. Abrams: I like lens flares Weisman: Sit down boy and hold my beer

[@dvass7253]

Cinematic Excrement Great review. Looking forward to the next. I hope, judging by your clue, that it's Jupiter Ascending. I enjoyed that movie for its over-the-top anime insanity, but it's definitely not good. Also, please consider reviewing the Conan remake in the future. I've been wanting you to tackle it since your Conan the Destroyer review.

[@JustinCoasters]

D Vass I also want him to do Superman Returns. By the way, Who asked for a Total Recall 2012 review?

[@dvass7253]

Justin An How the hell should I know? Must've been a popular request.

[@hadleyberman7433]

Kousaburo Well, that got extremely homophobic.

[@Kousaburo]

Hayden Silbermann And?

[@hadleyberman7433]

Kousaburo And that's a really shitty thing to do?

[@EarJuice]

Everyone laughed when the colony came up on screen at the cinema (I live in Australia). Then I had a sinking feeling. That this movie wasn't going to be as good.

[@SuperCosmicMutantSquid]

"You can't swipe it out for the newest model!" Two words: HAND. TRANSPLANTS. I see Apple's newest fad!

[@alekpo2000]

7:30 thats how wearing glasses is most of the time lol

[@Shintigercurl]

you are reviewing this movie in a kevin owens t-shirt. SUBBED!!!!!

[@chrismartindale9737]

931 Lens Flares. Amazing we don't go blind watching this.

[@圣主-p4q]

You know, Smeghead, I really don't get how come Hollywood hasn't snatched you there yet: Everything bad about these movies - you guys made them interesting.(hope I didn't say it wrong) P.S. Never saw Total Recall in full length, and now I'm really glad I no longer have to! Thanks a lot!

[@Jakesgr8vlogs]

15:20-an interactive hologram of someone who'll only tell you the answers to the questions you ask if they're the right questions? That's a ripoff of I, Robot (at least the movie, I don't know if the hologram device is in the book).

[@redhoodreviews8504]

I knew it was gonna be this one.

[@WinterSteele]

Red Hood Reviews Hmm...think you could predict tomorrow's lotto numbers for me? lol

[@roberttreacy8271]

22:29 Those look like cheap knockoffs of the Stormtroooper outfits.

[@Emanon...]

Total Recall and Starship Troopers are my "bucket of ice cream".

[@helpimarock66]

I do admit, the phone hand is pretty fucking cool, despite the fact that you'd probably have to chop your hand off whenever you want to update haha

[@jeremyjohnson8844]

You'd be a great director, smeghead. You're brilliant.

[@gageperuti5519]

I just realized: Kate Beckinsale and Bill Nighy in a Len Wiseman film? It's this just an Underworld reunion?

[@billa107]

That Kevin Owens shirt though. Great review!

[@mihaitha]

The wikipedia entry on the original novella says that for the 1990 movie, they secured the rights to the source material from Philip K Dick, and it was loosely based on it, while the 2012 remake was based solely on the 1990 movie and didn't even credit Dick. My opinion is that it was based on the 1990 original, made by someone who didn't even understand that movie.

[@jeremyusreevu237]

It's funny that you mentioned Minority Report because Minority Report was originally going to be a sequel to Total Recall.

[@charlesvan13]

The core of the Earth has extreme pressures and temperatures, molten iron under extreme pressure. "The Fall" is not possible.

[@peterlane1391]

The point of the genocide plotline is to point out how people in less developed countries are often seen as expendable. Again, see the Britain/Australia relationship. The movie's point is all the problems in its world arise from people thinking of themselves and not considering the consequences.

[@faze_buendia9514]

I think the magnet cars are like the sleeping pods in The Passengers, they've never ever failed, until now.

[@peterlane1391]

A phone implanted in your hand sounds exactly like where wearables will eventually end up, the glass is a. probably not random and b. done for the audience. Also, why are we questioning tech in a sci-fi movie?

[@JoRosieQueen68]

I don't know, this was one of the most retarded reviews I've seen, I haven't seen this channel before but I don't wanna see it again next time, what's up with this smegm guy or whatever his name was? he acts like he's trying to play some hybrid version of Arnold Schwarzenegger mixed with the joker, and he just makes me wanna scream at the screen like, what does this mean what does that mean and me being like, it's clearly this or it's clearly that or, do you have common sci-fi scene? this is more tiring and iritating then even decently funny

[@DeniseFaraday]

Wait, wait, wait....they did a Conan remake? When in the devil's house did this take place?

[@SuperOverlord94]

***** A few years back. But don't even bother watching it. Trust me, it's just so boring and forgettable that it makes Conan the Destroyer look good. At least that movie can be remembered for how stupid and silly it was.

[@helpimarock66]

***** I'm guessing the same year they did the Dragon Ball Z live action remake with white people (I don't even remember seeing trailers for that).

[@tomservo5007]

oh, that Total Recall -- totally agree

[@tjjordan4207]

Imagine if the remake went more into the psychological side of how the "not knowing what is real and what isn't" confliction messes with the main character. Add a layer where regardless of what is the truth, he now has more respect and appreciation for that traditional lifestyle, showcasing that he has made peace with his mid-life crisis.

[@moonlightrobbery]

Futuriest Future That Ever Futured should be the name of a TVTrope page.

[@andrewgwilliam4831]

Ha!

[@jasonq7504]

18:57 I watched this video to see if you missed it. You did. After an hour runtime of chasing and searching, she tells Quaid she can bring him to see the head honcho. And like skipping through the nearest door, there they are!

[@HalfTangible]

13:23 Which means that technology is also friendship! Take that, robot apocalypse! Pure math!

[@bartrazin]

Big thumbs up for saying Verhoeven properly!

[@Wizkid490]

OH PLEASE LET THE NEXT REVIEW BE GALAXY QUEST!!!

[@RedRoomster]

About climbing outside "the Fall": The travel time is 17 minutes (1020 seconds) Travel distance: 12742 km/7917 miles (theoretical assumption) That gives them a speed of 12490 m/s (~45000 kph/28000 mph)! They exiting the vehicle right after passing through the earths core, the temperature is ~5000° C/9000° F The surrounding pressure at that deepth is ~3 600 000 atmospheres (Pressure at the Titanic wreck is ~377 atmospheres) Possible? Nah

[@jamesb.8940]

"The United Federation of Britain" ? If that means Britain rules pretty much the whole world, I'm not complaining.

[@rickymcgowen6776]

As if the trash island could take over the US. *sees who represents us in the House of Representatives* Nevermind. Eather way we're fucked.

[@ultrademigod]

@@rickymcgowen6776 History is not your strong point is it? Needless to say all empires eventually fall, and America is no different. The real question is how gracefully do you accept your fall, and what will you do after your demise. Besides this movie takes place after the 3rd world war, and America has been completely destroyed.

[@rickymcgowen6776]

@@ultrademigod I was making a JOKE.

[@ultrademigod]

@@rickymcgowen6776 Are you seriously using the "it was a joke" defence now...

[@rickymcgowen6776]

@@ultrademigod That's what it was. But on a serious note, the House of Representatives has 'the Squad', but they have NO CLUE what they are doing.

[@jameswormsley460]

4:37 Australia as the colony=ILLUMINATI COMFIRMED,BRO!!!!!

[@taylorcheek9587]

According to universetoday.com, the average diameter of Earth is 7,926 miles. The movie says that The Fall travels this distance in 17 minutes. Using the formula that I’m sure we all remember from high school, distance = rate x time, we see that The Fall travels at a speed of 466.24 miles per minute or 27,974.4 miles per hour.

[@PeterSchmuttermaier]

"Super Dystopian Brothers" - I wanna play that.

[@aginpro]

was it normal glass though? if i remember, didn't he press his hand to a billboard who were already showing holographic images? i just though that the glass was a screen that read the palm and showed the video feed.

[@anikmonette2140]

That elevator system reminded me of The Cube. If you ever have the chance you should review it and its weirdass sequel...

[@alfrankensteinfeldman]

10:30 I swear to god, for a second I thought you said 'Bill Nye'.

[@hayreddinbarbarossa661]

Just a heads up, just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's a great idea that run your mouth, you need to do some more research on why Australia is called "the colony". Probably has a lot to do with the fact white Australia was established as a British........ Colony. It was and sometimes still is, referred to as "the colony" by the English.

[@mythicalcreaturecomforts]

All I remember from the Conan remake is they went into his backstory more.

[@milkdudder]

I didnt know you were a Kevin Owens fan, Smeghead! Nice!

[@worldofthought8352]

The stamp on the arm does raise a new question, why didn't his "friend" trying to talk him down tell him to check his arm to see if the stamp was there or not? In the original the ambiguity was there, not to mention that scene was much more intense. It wasn't bad but a lot of it didn't feel a bold as the other film was, also that woman who effectively takes on Michael ironside's role was doing almost everything and was nearly everywhere, she is literally a movie example of a mary sue.

[@DrZuluGaming]

Well, Kate Benkinsale (i don't know how to spell it) is married to the director. so maybe the latter went with Paul WS Anderson's logic of "Look how awesome my wife is" that limits Milia Jonovich's career prospect more than anything.

[@faze_buendia9514]

The "I give good wife" bit kinda makes sense when you consider the guy who made the film was her husband at the time, I think this movie was a way for him to show off his hot wife, she's supposed to be the secondary antagonist I thought, yet she's in it more and lasts longer than Cranston, who I thought was the Big Bad

[@grainneorgracequinn2888]

I never noticed the lense flares when I watched this😆😰

[@freemantle85]

Even in bad sci-fi film the British have to be the bad guys.

[@legoman2313]

You should review Inspector Gadget.

[@MisterTutor2010]

The events of the original movie are not a fantasy in Quaid head because their are scene where he is not present. However from Quaid's point of view it's not really clear as to whether the events of the movie are real since from his point of view everything that has happened to him could be a hallucination.

[@stainlesssteelfox1]

Actually, the implant phone could be invisible until activated. Use a subdermal film of graphene a few molecules thick as a substrate. Add metalic layers so the upper and lower surfaces act as a thermocouple, generating power from the differential between your body heat and the outside air. Electronic components, light emitting elements, even an antenna can be created by modifying and doping the graphene sheet. The result is a flexible phone that is invisible and can't be felt by the person it's implanted in.

[@jax8740]

Well the old one is pretty obvious it all went down in his head too. The straps they use at recall on his arms are like Velcro, but when quade wakes up he rips a metal restraint off the chair. Also “blue skies on mars that’s a new one”

[@alphadawg81]

I remember hearing that Bill Nighy was in the movie and getting all excited that Bill Nye was in the movie, since I had never heard of Bill Nighy. Imagine the disappointment!

[@RHatcherMD]

"It's like we're playing Super Dystopian Brother." They made that movie. Not sure it would have made a good video game.

[@tigasanto]

great video!

[@andrewgwilliam4831]

"Safety is always priority number two"... heh!

[@RHatcherMD]

"And now that you have a slight over-population problem, your first course of action is freaking Genocide?" Worked for MCU Thanos.

[@chrislondo2683]

Crazy to think back when the remake came out the original was 22 and now its 32 even the remake is turning 10 this year.

[@DarthBobCat]

Oh LORD this movie. I hated it AND I'D NEVER EVEN SEEN THE ORIGINAL.

[@WinterSteele]

DarthBobCat I hear ya.

[@metalmugen]

Watch it. Its definitely in the top Arnold films. Its intelligent and fucking violent as shit. Its truly a perfect film IMO.

[@helpimarock66]

DarthBobCat Don't let this one ruin the Schwartzeneggar version. They are two completely different movies (The old one is a classic!).

[@dylankaiser5546]

The original is a masterpiece, it's so smart and well written you'll forget that it's an Arnold movie.

[@dylankaiser5546]

in your opinion? no it's pretty much a fact by this point

[@jennifercruz8142]

I've got to give it to you, very witty humor :)

[@darksideofthemoon488]

I think what would have made the ending much better is that Quaid takes off the sticker and is return to reality. He wakes up at the Total Recall facility only to find the staff is preoccupied with the breaking news feed. It's an announcement from Cohagen that he is going to begin colonizing Mars to ease the pressure of the overpopulation. It would be a true to the book homage to the original storyline and to the original storyline from the 1990 version

[@idahomike4254]

6:21 - "They communicate to work...". Sorry, just thought this was funny.

[@mr3urious]

24:06 Unless you picture him as Heisenberg, that is. :)