Civ 5: A Barbarian Has Captured Your Worker

The reason your workers always seem so eager to get away from you? It's because they are. Because you're a terrible person.
Starring Kyle, Ian, and Ethan
Camera work by Ian
"Living Forever" by JP De Ovando
Construction site ambiance by klankbeeld:
www.freesound.org/people/klank...
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[@TheAmetralladora]

In-Game, this video lasted 12 years

[@sirmaxeer6909]

Oh shit you're here too?

[@jazzyboy3742]

I wasn't expecting a Total War avatar role player here.

[@steveisthecommissar4013]

Yay aulus

[@miguelantonio8440]

EQUITES

[@NotFinnish]

It's the result of a certain playthrough of rome total war as the brutii!

[@longkwan562]

And so the musketeer departs on a great journey across the globe just to "rescue" the worker.

[@DarkSol16]

That musketeer will return in a few thousand years.

[@FatheredPuma81]

He'll return a hardened veteran and bear witness to his country which has expanded with nukes into all their neighbors.

[@hannibalkills1214]

>Musketeer >Lever-action rifle

[@jesseclark7105]

The Anonymous Sir Backspace "Hey, we invented the gun. Give me the bow and take this gun. Good job."

[@Quincy_Morris]

That’s a repeating rifle not a musket.

[@cjn0001]

"I mean I wouldn't work for an immortal dictator for 12,000 years unless I thoroughly enjoyed it" - Worker

[@Crick1952]

best line in the skit!

[@idontlikerome2744]

+Craig Noneman This makes me feels bad :(

[@alphacentary]

+Craig Noneman My workers are very happy when I went fully Dictator, took over the world, put courthouses in all the " cough acquired cities", and have Police State from the Autocracy tree. My people are so happy that they have over 200 Happiness. :)

[@imperialwarhawk123abc5]

+Craig Noneman That is why after my civilization is fully expanded and every tile has been improved i give my workers the sweet release of death.

[@thediethrower1803]

Cygnus X-1 Ah yes "happiness" that's what they have.

[@MsZsc]

I FUCKING PAY YOU 2 GOLD EVERY TURN AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?

[@hElLo8395]

MrZsc Well if its on quick game speed thats 2 gold for about 25 Years. not sure who could make that work as a living wage. It is better in slower game speeds though.

[@MsZsc]

on quick game, things are cheaper, and considering a "company" of soldiers costs a few hundred gold, thats a lot of soldiers for 2 gold and a group of workers being payed that much is fair in my opinion.

[@TagcastCrew]

+Link Bradford q gold is 1million currencyif that's Pounds dollars or Euros then 1 million for 6months is pretty good for a worker

[@MsZsc]

TagcastCrew well more like 1 million for like tons of workers since to build farms that span the area of a city you'd need a lot of people.

[@TagcastCrew]

MrZsc Well each turn can be x number of years depnding on speed

[@ಇLiv]

Even worse when the worker decides to go into the water before you invented boats so the workers spend 200 years in the ocean free of society

[@BalimaarTheBassFish]

The loss of that 1 worker prevented the mine being dug out, which decreased production and Ghandi completed the Manhattan project. That barbarian village was the first to be obliterated by that Indian madman.

[@arthitjohn7125]

"indian madman"

[@luizausiza]

I think indian madman is pleonasm in terms of Civ 5

[@BalimaarTheBassFish]

haha! so you say I should say Indian or madman since they are the same thing? ^_^

[@arthitjohn7125]

+Balimaar The Bass Fish yep I pretty much think that it's the same thing

[@YourCrazyDolphin]

He was making a farm.

[@8feetNSFW]

This explains why even though I killed their captors, they still continue running away.

[@Atollic]

Yeah

[@blackarrow1259]

Every freaking time

[@alphaomega9650]

Владимир Стрельников I chase one down for like 15 turns because I didn’t have cavalry

[@dank_lord]

@@alphaomega9650 man, talking about a waste of time.

[@malluk7064]

@@alphaomega9650 i know how you feel

[@gob384]

I mean technically you do pay them. Those bastards cost like 3 gold a turn and just keep getting more expensive.

[@snowstorm9818]

nah, improvements don't cost anything, so that money clearly goes into keeping the irrigation and mines running.

[@348joey]

"Pyramids completed!" Ah, good. Let me take a quick look at them and then I'll-oh my god! Who are you people? We're your new workers. What? I didn't hire any new workers. We come with the pyramids. What? How? Where did you come from?! We… don't know. We just kind of popped up after the pyramids were finished. Maybe we're mummies or something? Look, I just wanted my workers to build stuff faster; I didn't want to make two more! We'll, we're here. You want to disband us? No, just-just go into one of the nations we have open borders with and build a bunch of roads. Roads to where? Nowhere, just build roads everywhere. Why? To make that country pay to maintain all of them, thus ruining its economy and stunting their research. Why would you want to do that to them? They keep trying to convert my cities' religions. Besides, after I invade the cities and burn them to the ground, there will be a bunch of maintenance-free roads to speed my troops along! Don't they get mad at you for doing that? Oddly, no. Go figure.

[@MyCrafcik]

You can do that? D: I never knew about that

[@amooingdog3297]

C.J. Rogan Still,that's probably over 25 years.

[@calimerohnir3311]

@@348joey i didn't even know you could do that

[@rsparks1104]

I like how he has to check the name of the empire, implying he's been captured so many times he doesn't even remember who he works for anymore.

[@aliensinnoh1]

"I wouldn't work on behalf of an immortal dictator for 12,000 years unless I thoroughly enjoyed it" lol

[@XX-sp3tt]

"You're also being paid." "Oh, right."

[@ImTerasHD]

I can never make workers ever again..

[@charlesdewitt8087]

+TerasHD | Joel Magnusson Don't worry, just "liberate them" from other Civs.

[@TagcastCrew]

If you feel that bad just replace them every so often XD

[@SeoulMan]

+TerasHD Or build the Pyramids without "firing" the 2 bonus workers. On that thought, wouldn't it have made sense to make the Pyramid bonus workers free?

[@charlesdewitt8087]

Marley Ress Because WhitelightningHQ is really funny.

[@VodShod]

Charles Dewitt now called Door monster... I just realized this comment was from 2 years ago

[@josephstalin6549]

The guy must have such a low happiness rating if a Barbarian was that close to his capital.

[@TheKingofMCEmeralds]

Just like the USA.

[@josephstalin6549]

The Avalorian (Isaiah Vega) Oooooooooooh burn

[@TheKingofMCEmeralds]

Joseph Stalin Lol

[@Shoegazebasedgenre0.]

+The Avalorian (Isaiah Vega) does someone say gulag

[@josephstalin6549]

Kirito Kun Not if they're all dead.

[@SquireComedy]

This was pretty awesome. Well played.

[@DoorMonster]

***** Thank you!

[@Former_Halo_Fan]

***** Do more civ parodies please. You're good at it.

[@Toniboi]

SQUIRE?

[@handle_m1]

+Squire Yeeees, indeed, yeeees.

[@wishbone8419]

Squiiiiiire!!!!!!!

[@bbvproductions]

This skit is gold and a really clever joke on one of the best strategy franchises out there! How about a skit on declaring war once (to protect your land) and then being hated by all the other civs for the whole game for being a supposed "warmonger"

[@DoorMonster]

Thanks so much! We'll definitely consider doing another Civ 5 video - this one was really fun to make.

[@kes_r]

+White Lightning HQ Would really love to see that. Good luck.

[@manictiger]

+bbvproductions Civ is alright, but after playing Hearts of Iron III with Black Ice, I don't see Civ as that complicated, anymore. Not saying Civ sucks, though-- just that it's not as intense as I like them, these days.

[@frisianmouve]

+bbvproductions Yeah happened to me with a one-city challenge as Alexander. I was protecting Brazil from Indonesia and destroyed some cities of Indonesia he took from Brazil because i was afraid he would steamroll everyone. I would've given them back to Brazil, but it's autoraze with one-city challenge. So everybody hates me (also because of stealing city-states), i mean i was going for a diplomatic victory, but i just destroyed everyone. I'll show you who's a warmonger assholes

[@alexisauld7781]

+frisianmouve I had the Aztecs declare war on me no less than 8 times in one game, each time I beat them back with very few losses. Then Germany and Mongolia denounced me as a "Warmonger" for defending myself. And that's how I began down the road of bringing everyone on the continent under one holy Incan rule. Until Alexander the Prick built the UN and won through city state cheese. I've had Diplo victory disabled ever since XD

[@yourmajesty1361]

He is very greedy! Worker units get 1 gold per turn, that should be enough!

[@sharkymcsnarkface6642]

Yeah, that's HALF the gold it takes to run an entire university!

[@FatheredPuma81]

Damn... I want to be a worker. You get payed extraordinarily well.

[@OuterRimPride]

Listen to Stannis the Mannis. He knows how to run a kingdom. Or... Knew...

[@veng3r663]

1 WHOLE GOLD ?!? Odd my bodkins ! The general laborers in my game are fortunate to bring home 1 Bronze Coin piece(1$) after a long 10-Hour workday...

[@thereareantsbehindyoureyes7529]

@@veng3r663 in the US early 1900s people got payed 1.25 in quarters and was able to afford housing, food and other things

[@Former_Halo_Fan]

Its not Barbarish, its Barbarianese. Some people are so ignorant of other cultures...

[@laragemaliacademia2972]

AJsolider the comment is 6 months old

[@tanith117]

Sumerian.

[@laragemaliacademia2972]

AJsolider Ohhhhhh...well, I guess that's normal now and then, carry on

[@solillman2350]

I thought it was Barbarosian?

[@devyj5601]

I believe the word we are all looking for is Mongolian

[@D3vious113]

Late to the party, but damn, that barbarian was such a bro XD Shot by some schmuck with a gun, really working hard to get that worker out, playing along (mostly) with the whole charade. And right at the end, bleeding out, tells the guy where the village is. Let us all have a moment of silence for this great man.

[@sportspro2.049]

A hero of the people

[@Wo0dGlue]

Gotta make one about wonders. Building the pyramids, and only the top remains. Then you hear someone else built an exact set of pyramids and you just demolish everything.

[@scottkrafft6830]

2:15 When you kill the barb but don't recapture the worker

[@jkyoung5]

"I am a soldier of Cheeseland!" I'm dying.

[@antred11]

The worker guy has terrific comedic timing. He's sort of like Civ 5's Chandler. :D

[@Faxanadu_]

Now I suddenly wish "Barbarish" was an actual language...though I guess grunting and pointing my sharp stick around would be just about the same as going to school for 2-4 years for a language degree >.>;

[@MasterNecrosis]

Funny enough, barbarians were named that because the people like the greeks couldn't understand the language of the germanic, eastern european, vikings and celtic tribes. They described it as unintelligable dribble which went 'bar bar', thus "barbarians". Sad thing was, greeks were easy to call people barbarians simply because they didn't drink wine 'properly.'

[@Faxanadu_]

MasterNecrosis Huh, learn something new everyday..neat!

[@fritofreda]

Do you speak Greek or Latin? Then you speak "barbarian", just like MasterNecrosis said.

[@Faxanadu_]

***** I don't know either of those xD

[@fritofreda]

Chaotic Arrow Then I guess you speak "barbarian" and technically you are also a barbarian, because the term is just for people who don't speak those two languages, don't feel bad though, I too am a barbarian.

[@trickytrees1733]

Just discovered your channel and I love it. Really funny stuff guys

[@DoorMonster]

Thanks! Happy to have you here!

[@CommissarMitch]

ditto

[@josephdouglas5242]

You forgot about the part where the group of men with guns just stand around and wait while the lone surviving barbarian runs in to attack and deal his 1 damage before they fire.

[@justrollinc]

This was surprisingly amusing :)

[@DoorMonster]

bandgamer123 Thank you!

[@foogyfoober]

Worker: “I wouldn’t work on behalf on an immortal dictator for 12,000 years.” Barbarian:

[@JonathanToolonie]

Could you cover the problem with ideologies in the game, like every time the player chooses Freedom the rest denounces you.

[@muldoone6920]

+JonathanToolonie or how someone declares war on you.. everyone hates you for killing them.. then they want to be friends.. how they insult your "puny" empire even if you're on top for everything.. then how they demand peace either asking for all your shit or giving all their cities to you..

[@JonathanToolonie]

Jennifer Yolkof YES! EXACTLY!

[@muldoone6920]

***** Your army is a little on the weak side! i thought i should let you know.. "you have nukes i have muskets"

[@jennifersharp9713]

Jennifer Yolkof Our words our backed with nuclear weapons! (You have more nukes the me)

[@tanith117]

I had no need of that pike-man army, but if you must I will accept peace for 500 gold pieces. *As my Panzer divisions are just outside of their capitol.

[@JasonJowett]

now thats a idea for Civ6's cultural exp pack, 1-on-1 with the new empire staff, 1) psychological victory, 2) philosophical, 3) sociological or 4) pathological

[@Vatniks_are_clowns]

whenever a Barbarian kidnaps my workers, I always go on a witch hunt across the whole continent until I find them

[@GarethPW]

Great video!

[@DoorMonster]

+GarethPW Thanks!

[@GarethPW]

***** The quality is really quite impressive for a channel of your size; keep it up!

[@goldenknife3835]

+White Lightning HQ I love this channel.

[@toastitis9752]

@@DoorMonster joe acted really good

[@lavenderwalrus9875]

wow so many rewatches and i only now notice that for the entirity of kyles monologue about bad work after he said "you wouldnt wanna get stabbed by THAT sword" barbarethan is selfconsciously checking the sword and trying to clean it and remove dirt and stuff and that is so FREAKIN ADORABLE!

[@nivolord]

So this is what happens when your happiness drops.

[@jasonsweeney890]

He was clearing a forest and now egypt made the great library instead of Babylon

[@JanbluTheDerg]

"Which way is your village?" "Urrgh" "Thanks!" *Runs off at the speed of light*

[@SuperODST1]

Playing Civ 5 for the first time today, I found it...interesting, that when you "rescue" a worker, it says they were "recaptured".

[@snackieboy21]

cheeseland?

[@gendoruwo6322]

the happiest land where everybody smiles.

[@chris200830]

Capital City: Gorgonzola

[@ViridianBorage]

Philla Vanilla Most likely Switzerland considering the whole "cheese" part

[@jaimeparker2161]

Sweden. The great war

[@hiddentreasure2161]

Just too bad there's no whales there.

[@D1n0nlyD1v94]

You know an interesting mechanic would be there being a chance your workers become barbarians if successfully taken to the barbarian camp. Similar to how montezuma has a chance of turning targets into builders except with that added step of transport

[@chompythebeast]

Holy shit that ending, this whole thing It's so easy for us to see the injustice of a serf's life under the wealth and power of kings, yet much harder to see the same injustices in our own time, no matter how much more magnified they are

[@ClaesTurtle]

Would you take a few years of Barberish in college to become a barber? I'm sure all the barbarians would enjoy a good groom.

[@inqman]

and take away their feral traditions? how dare you imply they be anything like those Cheese-heads!

[@oversnow116]

Cheeseland? I would wanna go there. It's kinda true, when barbarians capture one of your units they just runaway and stay with them lol.

[@BoliceOccifer]

Yeah I live in Chicago so we're like three hours south of there. At least they let you buy fireworks.

[@Calimbandil87]

This channel is apparently going to eat a lot of my time. Love your stuff! Also... Go Barbarians!

[@Nandato92]

Can't wait for the civ 6 videos :D:D

[@sony3127]

Does ANYONE else think it would be good to have a CIV PLAYER for president? lol

[@sony3127]

Not ALL of us Civ players are so eager to drop the nuke! ;)

[@TheHanibalch]

+Thomas Bryan yes 3 Xcom squads do the deal

[@Kaurv]

I remember dropping a nuke near one of my city to see if my forts would survive. 2 of the 4 forts in blast range survived.

[@imperialwarhawk123abc5]

+Optinosaurus I once accidentally mis-clicked and nuked the nearby ocean. A good chunk of my navy exploded and i was forced to delay an invasion for a good while.

[@benito9635]

+TomeOfBattle "who treat soldiers, people and even cities as toys and tools." Yeah like, presidents, care about us, sure.

[@stephenskinner7207]

I've always wondered how much it would suck to be a worker in Civilization; stuck as an immortal slave doing menial tasks for thousands of years.

[@oliversherman2414]

I love your channel keep up the great stuff!

[@jonathandavenport2500]

I just watched another of you CIV 5 videos and they were both so funny, that I am subscribing now, because I believe I will like your content.

[@ethelredtheunready9503]

The guy who played the worker is an amazing comedy actor. Great sketch

[@MLPPrinceEclipse]

I loved that, your acting was good and the jokes were great. My offical review *20/10*

[@edelbrock443]

"They'll swarm" Me, "Ah cool, more experience for us then."

[@gaminggeckos4388]

I was surprised to learn that this is actually entirely accurate (in Civ VI, anyways). If a ranged unit kills a barbarian that has captured a builder, that builder just runs away.

[@XX-sp3tt]

Barbarian, "You know we're just gonna eat you right?"

[@storebrand191]

These Civ videos are so good and accurate. Don't Stop!

[@Truth4None]

This video reminds me of why people give me the side-eye for having a standing army. I don't have a barbarian problem.

[@legomaster1717]

Well done, very funny! Please make more of these!

[@DoorMonster]

legomaster1717 We'd definitely like to do another Civ video! In the meantime, we do one video of varying subject matter every Monday.

[@SuperCompany007]

"Barbarish" fucking lol

[@AsianGaiden]

Great, now this is how I'll imagine every barbarian encounter when I play in the future.

[@SeptimusMagistos]

This is why you "recapture" workers instead of "freeing" them.

[@MrHoon9732]

Civ 5's citizen icon is made after the look of the worker guy of the series

[@nicholasleon7819]

The worker guy delivered his lines really well it sounds like improv

[@theshortcrew8726]

Door monster this is amazing you probably won't see this but it's so amazing I love your channel that why I subbed

[@atzuras]

Thanks to your video, workers in Civ6 have only 3 charges. We may call them "associates" from now on.

[@seink9163]

I love when that worker enters the ocean and you cant capture it anymore with most units you have...

[@brettsh.2545]

Surprisingly well acted. Very funny!

[@HAUNEV]

*whenever i make a road lately it just looks like a giant tried to scribble one last message* XDDDDDDDD

[@GarlicPudding]

I love the hamminess from the solider.

[@muldoone6920]

+GarlicPudding shut up or speak english

[@GarlicPudding]

Jennifer Yolkof I AM speaking English, you fink.

[@muldoone6920]

GarlicPudding no.. no you werent. "hamminess" and "solider" isnt english. im pretty sure you mean "happyness" and "soldier" try speaking english and not gibberish, and dont defend yourself when your arguement isnt valid

[@GarlicPudding]

Jennifer Yolkof Misspelling a few words doesn't make them "not English". Even with those typos, my meaning is quite clear: I enjoyed the over-the-top performance of the guy playing the solider. So....yeah. No "gibberish" here. YOU'RE the one with an invalid argument, *_CHILD._* Especially since I didn't see any capitalization or commas in that comment of yours, when *you're* the one acting all smug and superior about a few misspelled words. Stop speaking gibberish and start speaking English!

[@muldoone6920]

GarlicPudding too many words, im bored now. (goku then flies away to go eat more food)

[@stephenw.4390]

I just discovered this and it's amazing! How long have you guys been around?

[@DoorMonster]

Well, we've only been doing weekly videos for a couple years now, but we were doing occasional animations on Newgrounds as far back as 2009. It's been a long project. Glad you like it :)

[@spritemon98]

I will now call every worker of mine Kyle

[@iamyourfan9729]

The acting is remarkably well done.

[@CapnWatson]

I kid you not when Civ IV came out and I upgraded my very first Civilization was called Cheese Land.

[@psalm91rdwlkfpgrl]

that is amazing :D

[@kingjonstarkgeryan8573]

but I am not a dictator, I chose the liberty social policy and freedom ideology.

[@JayJayM57]

King Jon Starkgeryan but you are an immortal ruler without any local opposition and absolutely authority.

[@evan8429]

These are awesome

[@JonatasAdoM]

Can't believe this sketch is 6 years old already!

[@AscendtionArc]

Thanks for this.

[@yungchangsta]

Nobody gonna talk about how a Renaissance unit has a lever action rifle

[@stormtrooper567]

I enjoy the civilization skits more thoroughly than others.

[@gabrielepierattelli3948]

Chapeau! Geniale... La riga della casella è il massimo

[@NG-gy6iv]

Is this why builders always run away when I try to capture them back

[@Brandon-hn5jx]

So true. Once you kill the barbarian, the worker keeps running to the camp. It's as if they don't want to live in never ending slavery for an immortal dictator.

[@shihao21]

Only 6 pop cap? When you have muskets?! That worker hasn't been building farms!

[@SjruSt]

OMG this is so great! xd

[@DoorMonster]

Sjru St Thanks!

[@teagan_p_999]

That was great, I never thought of it that way...

[@robenzweiler1740]

I have been playing civilization for about 20 years. This is incredible.. ty

[@covid-19gamers55]

So true 😂

[@atlasi5872]

Barb...-barish *barbarian itches his beard* I love this

[@JonatasAdoM]

Now that I think about it... they actually keep going even if you kill the barbarians that ~released~ captured them!

[@mackycabangon8945]

"I am a soldier of Cheeseland" Really?

[@TheJECNova]

"Which way is your village?! *Runs desperately*" lol.

[@Stachelbeeerchen]

yeah they completely loose their loyalty towards you.

[@syedali-rs8cj]

oh man I love the whole "immortal dictator" quote

[@MasterNecrosis]

Eh, can always make more workers. Though I'd wonder what it looks like on the outside when I was the one with giant death robots and nukes, when everyone else had caravels. Looking forward to the next skit, plus I think you mentioned an animation at some point. On an unrelated note, giant death robots are awesome.

[@DoorMonster]

MasterNecrosis Some point for sure, but it won't be especially soon. The Guards Themselves will be out first, and then we'll have more time to focus on an animation or two.

[@dntfeedzombies]

Play on a higher difficulty

[@thelvadam2884]

MasterNecrosis Git gud

[@JonatasAdoM]

Now I get it, I'm just recapturing them. Makes sense since you can take workers from different civs.

[@thamor4746]

How to go around the world...by chasing your worker...

[@idlegalacticminer3663]

Love it!

[@CountryMusicMann]

Fantastic!!!

[@oliviawallace3636]

Christ that was amazing

[@TVGBadger]

Great video guys.

[@DoorMonster]

***** Thank you!

[@BreezyGamer92]

"Which way is your village?" Lmao, so true

[@rowanguy689]

that was brilliant

[@NerdsPlayhouse]

He sounds like Michael Cera. Same comedy stylings too. This kid is going to be something. Just keep it up.

[@Siptom369]

Oh no please don't save me. I am just a worthless worker