Classic Police Sketch/Cockney Rhyming Slang With Mel & Grif aka Alas Smith and Jones

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

welcome to my channel to new and old ,,,,, if you can please give me a SUB and HIT that LIKE button please @BLOKIESGUILD_UK if you like my content it would help me out a lot ,,thanks

[@somedumbozzie1539]

You have made my day I saw this when it first came out and have been trying to find it on YT since it first started. Australian diplomats used to sit around in hotel rooms that they knew were bugged doing the same thing to torment the local secret services.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@somedumbozzie1539 why thankyou ,,

[@petersz98]

That was hilarious!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@petersz98 i know ,,all the best comedys were back in the day

[@eastnorfolkboy]

I’ve written dud cheques, been involved in deception, committed armed robberies, I’ve even served a prison sentence. But this a fabrication, a fairy tale, there I was behaving innocently when the police entered and start planting illegal substances on me, what a fraud!, as soon as he sees my face he’s spreading heroin all over me, well I try to open my mouth and speak in his ear and he’s stuffing the material into my pocket. Then of course I am apprehended, arrested and the handcuffs are applied. Well sir, this is not my line of business, ask anybody in my locality I’m not a heroin dealer I trade in stolen property. Sergeant? Well sir, I was in my patrol area in my car when I received a telephone call, so I went on foot to the pub along with my partner. I overheard a conversation which involved criminality so naturally I go in, now he has pre-empted my arrival so I enquired to the African behind the bar who told me he has fled into the lavatory. Now I know he is not in there defecating and sure enough, there he was gloves on his fingers, pockets full of heroin, evidence all over his person conducting his business passing heroin to a client. Sir, this man is not a trader in stolen property he is a well-known heroin dealer. Constable can you verify this? Certainly sir, this offender has a grudge against the police. I knew him when he was in Clapham selling illegal alcohol. Alright he doesn’t carry a weapon, he is not violent, but he usually has heroin hidden in his underpants and you do not need a body probe.

[@soppdrake]

Brilliant, brilliant sketch! Writing and acting along with that deft timing makes this a true classic ❤

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thats very true it is truly a classic sketch

[@keithnaylor1981]

The look on Griff’s face is the icing on the cake in his super brilliant sketch.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yes i agree with you and these classic comedy sketches from back in the day will always be the best and nobody can make any better than this ,

[@roxyroxburgh9566]

" I'm bein' fitted up like a toff at Tommy Nutter's" Utterly, ineffably exquisite...know wot I mean!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

it is the best sketch of all time and the cockney rhyming slang will never go out of fashion because it confuses the crap out of people who dont know it and it make me have a giraffee

[@klondike444]

So Tommy Nutter was a Savile Row tailor.

[@jumbo8996]

They were so clever. RIP Mel Smith

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree indeed they were one of the best actors of the time

[@peterbushby9009]

Nick ball ..r I p

[@langheproperty]

This is brilliant even after so long.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i do agree the old british classic comedy scetches wil never die

[@damienomen68]

Better than last weeks....

[@daniellma]

The look on the Inspectors face is so perfect, so funny

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

it does it is so funny, the classics i remember

[@haydoncooper3744]

Griff’s reaction makes it brilliant.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yep i know right ,they don't make these classic comedy sketches like this any more

[@simonm7133]

I agree. It is Griff's baffled expression that makes it so funny.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@richardplume3212 i had to research what mutz meant and there are several meanings but the one i will go with is always very good

[@graemeadamson7272]

Wonferful 😂😂😂 Nobody can pull a face like Griff for being totally dumbstruck . Brilliant ❤

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i know its classic and always funny

[@carmanbazza]

Understood prob 85%. Proper Diamonds. Lol

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

its the best language there is, confuses the crap out of people that dont know the slang

[@doodeen]

Not seen this before.Brilliant.Great talent.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thanks for finding my channel and commenting ,i agree just brilliant

[@adamlee3772]

Absolutely brilliant. And the look of confusion on Jones face sets me off. Thanks for sharing this.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree it is brilliant and no worrys

[@naugrith]

I tried to translate the sergeant's speech. This is my best guess. "Well sah, I was down my manor (neighborhood), in the jam jar (car), I gets the bell (call). So I shanks's (walks) with the bubbles (Edit: constable) down to the boozer (pub). I earwigs (overhead) the conflab (argument), had a bit of GBH on the earholes (heard violence). And naturally I go in. Now, he has done a concrete trampoline on me right (he's completely disappeared). I talk to the macaroon (black man) at the pumps (bar), he says he's done a flyer (run away) into the benghazi (toilet), well I know he's not in there parking his breakfast (having a shit) don't I? Sure enough, there he was, turtles (gloves) on the melodies (fingers), skyrockets (pockets) full of charlie (cocaine), elephant (drunk?) all over his oedipus (sex? - this doesnt make sense), doing his biscuit (ecstasy?), sliding a skag (passing heroin) to some John (client). Sir, this man is no partridge (lone criminal), he's a well known tablecloth (drug dealer)."

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thats near as it will be translated well done and thanks so kindly for translating this because there was a few who wanted this translation

[@timwingham8952]

"Bounced a few Gregories" is bounced a few cheques (Gregory Peck - cheque although it's usually rhyming slang for neck) By the way, GBH on the ear 'oles just means someone giving your ears a hard time - shouting, yelling, talking too much etc.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@timwingham8952 i thought know what it all means ,,lol

[@naugrith]

What does "elephant all over his oedipus" mean? That was the one I couldn't figure out for the life of me.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

ahh now i dont know what it all means just stuck on this ) all over his oedipus (sex? - this doesnt make sense)

[@Nebuchadnezzar-Wildebeest]

I used to know the author of this sketch, Mark Cullen, quite well; he once told me that whilst the majority of the cockney rhyming slang in it was - vaguely - accurate, some of the more outrageous conceits ("Concrete trampoline", "what a load of Stilgoe", "elephant all over his Oedipus") were additions by the series script-editor, Jimmy Mulville, specially to create conversations exactly like this posting has provoked over what they meant! Mark also mentioned that, since they were all nice Middle-Class white kids they had absolutely no idea just how offensive "the macaroon at the pumps" in this context could be and that if he could go back, that was the one he'd remove.

[@KrappiTheClown]

That makes so much sense.

[@urbanwarrior3470]

"the macaroon at the pumps"...? It's the "Strangling the darkie" that killed me...

[@mayhem492]

He shouldn’t, it’s funny, the entire sketch is based around the conceit of 4 ridiculous men attempting to communicate, any fool can see that!

[@cricketbatguitar]

​@KeithBurtons egg and spoon

[@MRAPEXPREDATOR1]

It’s mental that nobody has ever sat me down and taught me any of this, yet I understand every word lol. I am English but you don’t realise what we sound like until somebody points it out 😂

[@dancarter482]

Gore-blimey guvnor - you avvin a geerarf?

[@MRAPEXPREDATOR1]

Tin barrff! 😂👍

[@jameswatson5807]

You understood every word how is that possible.

[@HooDatDonDar]

Just use yer loaf.

[@jonnamechange6854]

@@MRAPEXPREDATOR1 A Turkish

[@eddiekingham]

Whoever wrote this skit is a genius 👏

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

ohh i know it is pure genius

[@Charlie_Crown]

"... squeezing a Malteser.." 🤣🤣😂😂😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

its always good when you squeeze a malteser or park your breakfast etc in the morning ,,lol

[@Charlie_Crown]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK I know, I'll be dropping the kids off at the pool later myself 😆👍

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@Charlie_Crown ,lmfao

[@thebeatpoetuk]

never thought ide seen a intro that shows manifestation on a not the nine o clock news sketch, lol awesome

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

it is awesome .well infact all the not the nine oclock news series and the film morons from out of space and mell and griff series back then was as you say always awsome

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

ohh and the intro is mine i put together ,you cant have a video and not have an intro and a outro ,it don't look professional ,sorry its a late replay

[@Skipjack7814]

I just have to put this out there: in the early 80s, I was in the U.S.A.F., a Military Police, stationed at R.A.F. Chicksands, not far from Hitchin, and Bedford. One evening I was assigned to the guardhouse (guard gate, base entry point) it was quiet, and nothing was going on. Then, this rather short, old man came out of the shrubs, which was odd, and walked up to the guardhouse, where i stood behind the open window. He grinned at me, (as opposed to 'smiled') and was obviously a bit tipsy, and then started asking me questions, and talking in 'stanzas,' all of them rhymed! I was already good at the various accents from around the area, but for a while I thought I might be losing my mind! Im telling you, he stood and 'goofed' on me for five minutes, then gave a little salute, and went back into the bushes! I tried to tell some of my mates, and they didnt really understand/believe me. Today, may 17th 2024, is the first time ive heard that strangely strong, sing song slang slung since! Insane.... 😅

[@CRAIG5835]

Hi from New Zealand. It is called Cockney Rhyming Slang and is spoken here in NZ and also in Ozzie although not as much as in the UK and mainly by the guys on the rough side of the tracks as it were. The co-releation being I think that we are Commenwealth countries and as such have traditionally had UK ex-pats deciding to live here. We are the same size as the UK, they have 60 odd million where Kiwiville has about 6 million. As Billy Connelly said 30 years ago during a gig somewhere in the world..."I was down in New Zealand doing a Tour...there's nobody there!" We have gained over 1 million people since that tour but the EMPTY sign still stands proudly.

[@Skipjack7814]

@@CRAIG5835 thanks, I was an avid reader since I was a kid, and knew (more less) what 'Cockney' meant, and i had even watched a million hours of Monty Python. AND had been in England for about 8 months. While there I heard so many shades of accents, some easily understood, some not, but again, "WHAT THE HELL?" The old guy wasnt 'up to tricks,' didnt want anything, just 'passing the time of day' as they say in the American South. Being a bit perceptive, i was pretty sure he was amusing himself at my expense, but i was so stunned and delighted i just laughed! Id give a lot to have recorded the short 'conversation,' but no. Thanks so much for clarifying, for the last five years, i started wondering if i hadn't dreamt the whole thing!

[@David_Watts]

RAF Bentwaters/Woodbridge checking in!! '85-'88 @Woody base A-10 crew chief with the 81st TFW/581st AGS/ 91st AMU GO Blue Streaks!! Time of my life, 19 years old, not a care in the world...givin' large to English birds! Living in Ipswich, Suffolk, clubbing at Olivia's, Butt's Wine Bar and all the pubs! Baba's kababs after the pubs shut. TDY to Germany (Sembach) and Bodø Norway, 40 miles above the Arctic Circle..going to North London to help a buddy find his cousin who lived with 6 other girls, going to PolyTechnic!! Clubs in London!!! England in the mid 80's was AMAZING!! Made excellent money with Rent Plus. Had a £742 BT phone bill for talking an hour at a time; paid it off in 3 payments! Lived in a huge row house built in 1910! Gas central heating was radiators all over the walls! 😆 Those were the days, my son!! Wish I still had my mukluks...

[@David_Watts]

Look up Cockney Star Trek!! Bleedin' hilarious!!! 😂

[@andrewguthrie2]

​@@CRAIG5835 It's popularity 'down under' may be because rhyming slang was a code for the criminal fraternity to keep their activities secret from the police, and you know where we sent all our convicts 😂

[@simonm7133]

Squeezing a malteser 😂😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

lol ohh i know we all do them every morning or any time of the day,lol

[@robertjsmith]

Train in the station,more like.or a tortoise tail.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@robertjsmith lol

[@porno6361]

Dropping the kids off at the pool

[@nervo6321]

Absolutely brilliant…they did so well to remember the script 😂

[@granthurlburt4062]

Bengazi is a khazi. As an anglophile Canadian, I get about 1/4 of this.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

nice one

[@carolineoates5964]

Khazi/toilet/bathroom/John/WC/Watercloset/lavatory/lav/small room. I could go on but you get the gist!😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@carolineoates5964 i know all the slang cos im a Londoner myself ,its just call of nature,,lol

[@HooDatDonDar]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK One of those old ‘Carry On’ films had a character called ‘ the Rajah of Khazi’. Wonder how many got it overseas?

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@HooDatDonDar lol i wounder

[@xlr82u]

Never seen this before, but it's brilliant!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

glad that you enjoyed it ...yes it is one of a kind classic

[@alfiekelly5914]

I'm pretty sure he ended up falling down the apples!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

probably but who knows,,, ahh but when he ended up at the bottom ,did he break his pin pegs and plates

[@Rayfaedundee]

Classic Comedy sketch from a fantastic tv show

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree it is a fantastic classic tv series

[@dfcvda]

my era im 59 now RIP Mel..and I understand what he is saying.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

hi same as me im 59 also and its my era

[@ianhowlett4682]

He is a well-known tablecloth!

[@dfcvda]

and you dont need a daffodil.

[@ThomasPrior-wv6zn]

not man UNCLE picked up on mel saying MACAROON MMMM NAUGHTY LOL

[@carolineoates5964]

Wetting myself laughing 😂. We paused video and translated as best we could for our teenager. Tablecloth, partridge, hahaha.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i know it can get a bit mind boggeling if you dont know the lingo,lol

[@carolineoates5964]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK The Sweeney Annual 1976 has a bit of Cockney Rhyming Slang in it. Wasn't terribly useful though for this sketch.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@carolineoates5964 the sweeney was ok

[@jonboy4601]

Hahaha....thats just great. Im a manc my wife is American when her family visit i get the grj look whenever i say anything...spot on

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

awesome

[@lesgriffiths8523]

This is beyond brilliant......even though as an Australian, I didn't understand a word of it. Sadly...demographic change is London will be be end of Cockney slang. Les Griffiths

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thanks appreciated ,,ohh there is some kind people that have translated what has been said in the comments then you will have some idea

[@razzle1964]

I’m surprised it’s only just occurred to me another aspect of the sketch/joke is that many of the words (particularly at the end of a statement/paragraph) are deliberate ‘red-herrings’ & not slang, at all. It makes the sketch even funnier, for me, as a Londoner/Essex boy.

[@guitartommo2794]

He’s a well known tablecloth😂

[@ricardolorrio8228]

I was wondering if this was all Cockney

[@hideouslyugly]

I've never heard of a lot of them, and I'm from London. What's a tablecloth slang for?

[@andrewhunt9519]

Where's the tinker , tailor ,soldier ,spy, ...pxxs take by mel and griff.

[@David_Watts]

Oh aye...I mean, what the hell has a bloody TABLE CLOTH got anything to do with it!? Blimey! 😆🤔

[@adamcole4623]

The always watchable and entertaining Nicholas Ball there, latterly of Hazell fame.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree

[@DuncanMcCreadie-bw5hv]

Absolutely brilliant, sadly missed.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i have to agree ,wont be forgotten

[@bigmacntings7451]

excellent!!!! great sketch. of course he was at the quacks,with a bit of trouble with his khyber.turns out he's got a nasty case of farmer's.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

haha lol farmer,s, farmer Giles ,piles or haemorrhoids ohh its one of the best ,

[@jonnamechange6854]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK the chalfonts

[@JDLondon72]

Born and bred South London I understood all of it. 2:08 “I talk to the macaroon at the pumps”. 😂😮

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

cool,,i think 2;08 part of the sketch was the favorite of quite a lot of comments

[@thethirdman225]

I actually understand almost all of that. Brilliant. Very funny.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

To right they are brilliant

[@thethirdman225]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Forwarded it to a few old Chinas in me manor while getting me Barnet trimmed. Hopefully I’ll score a Wellington at the rubbity tonight.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@thethirdman225 thats ok no problem but hopefully you will a load of sausage and mash down the battle cruiser ,lol

[@karaperrio-du5gs]

Jam jar is a car, shell like is an ear etc obvious, but did hazel say "what a load of Stilgoe" referring to Richard Stilgoe, which means a Richard i.e. Richard the 3rd which is a T_ _ D

[@bobblue_west]

I'd like to see Alan Turing crack that code.

[@BlueDogSlim]

Hazel. Great series

[@jakartaman3365]

It was indeed..Late 70's as I remember. And a cracking theme song at the end sung by Maggie Bell.​@@BlueDogSlim

[@mrstandfast2212]

01:03 "what a West Ham eh?" West Ham Reserves = nerves. What a nerve eh?

[@asleandere8852]

@concrete trampoline" I stayed with it as long as I could, but lost it there.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

concreate trampoline probably means he ran off ,done a runner but The phrase “concrete trampoline” doesn’t have a direct meaning in standard English.

[@Vigula]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK if that's the case maybe because it rhymes with fled the scene. Thanks for posting the vid btw.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@Vigula no problem

[@dilwich]

Great time to grow up the 70s/80s.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i couldn't agree more , was the best times

[@billhesford6098]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK We sort of like our young years, I think. Happy days.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@billhesford6098 to right

[@johncopeland3826]

Brilliant ! The only thing missing was Sir Stanley Unwin ?

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yes you are right it is brilliant you dont get comedy like this any more and stanley unwin had a language all of his own Unwinese

[@jimmorrison5493]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUKdeep joy

[@mariajukejax9649]

I love the way Griff Rhys Jones just looks at them. He doesn't understand a word 😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i know its just classic

[@ricardolorrio8228]

I am a Londoner, and even I don't understand most of what is said here....

[@eastnorfolkboy]

The language is a classic mix of rhyming slang, police jargon, australianisms and polari, it is so so clever, this humour has never been equalled, it was common talk when I lived in London in the sixties and seventies but sadly it has all but disappeared.

[@marasmusine]

That's because you're not a known tablecloth.

[@ricardolorrio8228]

@@marasmusine ?

[@marasmusine]

@@ricardolorrio8228 As opposed to a partridge, if that helps.

[@bullseyecooper1739]

I’m from Stepney originally and I got the lot😉👍

[@Globaldave1970]

RIP Nicholas Ball (April 1956 - June 2024)

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i do agree ,R.I.P. always was a brilliant actor comedian and bever forgotten

[@tduhpohylnvrz]

He talks to the macaroon at the pumps🤣🤣

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

indeed he does ,lol

[@tduhpohylnvrz]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK what is a macaroon?

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@tduhpohylnvrz well you put a comment with laughing icons so you know what it is slang for

[@ianallen8305]

A macaroon is a black man a c..n missing letters oo got it.

[@tduhpohylnvrz]

Er yeah, we all get it🙆🏽‍♂️

[@Keith-n7l]

Genius! 👍

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

I must agree perfection and genius

[@WisdomQuotesLife-sw3xk]

I miss old comedy 🙄

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yes thats true but i think we all miss the classic original comedy that was in our era,, memories eh,,

[@WisdomQuotesLife-sw3xk]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK The bomb disposal sketch was always one of the best. I still watch all the old comedies, the new ones just can't match the quality. I sound like a grumpy old sod nowadays : ))

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@WisdomQuotesLife-sw3xk nothing wrong with being grumpy and old ..lol

[@jrb1802uk]

'E has dun a Concrete Trampoline on me, right?' 🤣🤣🤣

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

lol E has

[@JungleNation333]

"Not many, Uncle"

[@fredmidtgaard5487]

English language is a combination of Danish Anglian. Danish Jutes, and German Saxon. Fun to to see the confusion as a Dane. We know all those languages!

[@greatwestern101]

Glad to see this sketch, I thought it only existed in the Smith and Jones Instant Coffee Table book!

[@greatwestern101]

It's like an episode of Minder! 😅

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thankyou ,glad that you enjoyed it

[@MichaelCampin]

Nicolas Ball was amazing

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree but still is amazing actor at the ripe age of 77 so he is still alive

[@paullancaster7066]

That's 'im, guvnor...that 'Hazel' geeza!

[@russellwarr3791]

Is he the same in Alexei Sayle's The Three Johns Sketch, one of the John's?

[@williamk3702]

Nick Ball, Jim-jim 'imself!

[@davidmorton3222]

Hazel

[@Globaldave1970]

RIP, Nicholas Ball (died 4 June 2024)

[@alexhutton3569]

not many uncle

[@davehooper5115]

Pure gold

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i totally agree

[@frankmcconnellogue3351]

Hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

you cant beat a bit of good old British comedy

[@johncopeland3826]

At woz Jimmy ' Azell ...winnit ? Not many unk il !

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

haha lol

[@Notmehimorthem]

Sometimes life feels this way.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yes but happiness is aways the key

[@peterbushby9009]

Rip nick ball

[@3107197000]

🤣🤣🤣 very funny👏👏👏

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree it is very funny

[@mandyjourneaux6552]

marvellous!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

it is init

[@michaeldillon3113]

Jafaican is the Lingua Franca of London now - know wot I mean bruv ?

[@prof.hectorholbrook4692]

The Beatles song "Helter Skelter"? Indubitably pre-eminent. It's the sound I've always ever wanted the Beatles to have. (Same applies to Pink Floyd's "Nile Song"). Oh - - - LOOK OUT!!!

[@matthewlloyd3255]

I have some friends who are not native English speakers who only speak very limited English who I sometimes translate old comedy sketches for them and overlay subtitles on the videos for them in their native tongue. I would have no bloody idea how to translate this piece.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i was going to say there are a few kind GEEZAS who took the time and translated this whole sketch in the comments but i just copied it to you.... I tried to translate the sergeant's speech. This is my best guess. "Well sah, I was down my manor (neighborhood), in the jam jar (car), I gets the bell (call). So I shanks's (walks) with the bubbles (Edit: constable) down to the boozer (pub). I earwigs (overhead) the conflab (argument), had a bit of GBH on the earholes (heard violence). And naturally I go in. Now, he has done a concrete trampoline on me right (he's completely disappeared). I talk to the macaroon (black man) at the pumps (bar), he says he's done a flyer (run away) into the benghazi (toilet), well I know he's not in there parking his breakfast (having a shit) don't I? Sure enough, there he was, turtles (gloves) on the melodies (fingers), skyrockets (pockets) full of charlie (cocaine), elephant (drunk?) all over his oedipus (sex? - this doesnt make sense), doing his biscuit (ecstasy?), sliding a skag (passing heroin) to some John (client). Sir, this man is no partridge (lone criminal), he's a well known tablecloth (drug dealer)."

[@matthewlloyd3255]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Thanks...although what I meant was more along the lines of - in order to keep the humour I'd have no idea what the equivalent of Cockney Rhyming Slang is in Traditional Chinese! Yeah - the dialogue can be explained as to what it means, but trying to translate into something that retains the humour and diction of the original...bloody impossible.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@matthewlloyd3255 well it seems to me like you are digging to deep matey ,its only a comedy sketch and there is full of humour and funny and if you dont understand the translation of it in Lamens terms of English and you can't compare it to any other language because the English language after all is universal and the best,lol

[@senianns9522]

Can we still mention 'Mechanical Diggers'?

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

hi yeh why not , its good that we can still use and always use cockney rhyming slang co i will always use it despite in where i go just to confuse the crap out of anybody,

[@pauldelaney5990]

The Bill was never this funny!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

well no the bill was a drama series and not meant to be funny ,but this is the ultimate classic comedy cockney police sketch and nothing will ever beat it

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@richardplume3212 haha lol ,

[@CalLatMan]

Rest in peace Nicholas ball.

[@martinraxyz]

"Squeezing a Malteser." just cracked me up!!!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

it is so funny

[@martinraxyz]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Indeed!!! 😀

[@khent712]

I still refer to the wife as "trouble and strife".

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thats good

[@loungejay8555]

Some of this is/was genuine slang of the era but much of it is made up for comedy effect. i understand completely everything he's saying though.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

nothing much i don't know about good old cockney rhyming slang ,im a Londoner myself ,

[@stevemance2812]

🤣QU-AL-ITY

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i agree classics will never die out

[@Len_J_]

I'm from London and I can assure you some of this is made up, its supposed to be indeciferable, for comedic effect.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

im also from london

[@elkiebeerepoot5829]

I'm also from London, but I'm not so sure. My sister understood cockney and in the early sixties a lot of Londoners (in the right area) didn't understood a lot of English by foreigners. Some even never met a Scot before. It was polite to as, with a cup of tea, if you had a Scottish accent. (Not speaking about veterans, of course.) This was more than sixty years ago.

[@TomWright025]

I thought so lol. I swear I’ve never heard some of these lol 😂

[@somedumbozzie1539]

Australian diplomats used to sit around in hotel rooms that they knew were bugged doing the same thing to torment the local secret services.

[@HooDatDonDar]

@@somedumbozzie1539 There is a similar scene in Robert Heinlein’s novel about an occupied America, ‘Sixth Column’. Some people do the American/ New York version of this to puzzle the enemy bugging them.

[@granthurlburt4062]

"collar-feeling", being collare; manor is one's neighbourhood; parking his breakfast is elimination of digestive system contents; charlie is prob. cocaine; a snowman deals it.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

thats right you got it

[@eadweard.]

Lock Stock vs. Brass Eye.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i don't think brass eye comes nowhere near the brilliance film making of lock stock,,

[@bigmacntings7451]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK oh i don't know, some of brasseye was VERY near the knuckle. they sent up the "slebs" even worse than ali g.

[@billycoffer8084]

Funny!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yes to right it is ,,they will never make comedy this funny ever again, the old classics will never fade away

[@JulietCun21F2E]

He’s great in national lampoon’s European vacation 😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yes he was and grif rys jones and mel smith was also good in the film morons from outer space

[@jrb1802uk]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Have you seen Wilt? Both are hilarious in that too. RIP Mel. Sorely missed.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@jrb1802uk i have heard of wilt but i haven't watched it

[@MrArthurdog]

some of it is real and some made up for comedy purposes but it's really funny

[@eastnorfolkboy]

None of this is made up it is 100% real, a mixture of rhyming slang, polari, cockney malapropisms and police jargon. Forty years of genuine London slang condensed into four minutes. Nobody alive could script this today, these people were Oxford educated and it shows. Classic English humour at its very best.

[@thomaslutro5560]

I may have stumbled across some shortcomings of the Norwegian school system. My English is not quite up to this....

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

hi i know most people cant understand but if you look down the comments theres a translation if this sketch

[@NigelHatcherN]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Not all english understand cockney rhyming slang, I am one of them.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@NigelHatcherN well i know not everyone doesn't understand it ,,,,didn't i say ..lol

[@tommyfred6180]

the sad thing is i got 90% of that off the top

[@nigelsheppard625]

Nicholas Ball was married to Pamela Stephenson at the time.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

yep i believe you are right i did read that also

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@wiccanwarrior9 to right she was a bit of allright

[@thereunionparty]

And Pamela Stephenson was in Not The Nine O'clock News with Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones.

[@davidtydeman1434]

Nicholas Ball starred in detective series called Hazel

[@KeithHays-ek4vr]

- She wasn't a tablecloth. - She was a well known napkin! 😊

[@geordiejones2]

The rank on Griff Reef Jones is that of a Chief Inspector not a Detective inspector.

[@mrb.5610]

Anyone reminded of the film 'The Limey' ? !

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

nobody has only you because the film the limey although it has British actor in it has no resemblance to this comedy sketch

[@mrb.5610]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK You need to watch it, matey !

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@mrb.5610 thinking about it i think i ave watched it ages ago but i don't remember it

[@mrb.5610]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK The clip I'm thinking is on KZbin - Terence Stamp is talking London to an American police officer .... who doesn't understand wtmf he's talking about ..... Saw it recently and it put me in mind of it - that's all.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@mrb.5610 ok that makes sence i shall have to watch it again ,all good

[@74357175]

Desperately need a translation 😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

,if you look down comments there is a few people that have translated the whole sketch ,glad that i can help

[@keithfrmcov]

I would like to know what the intro tune is.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

well what i can gather the intro tune what i used is called among the stars by JOHN KLIME hope this helps

[@stephenbarrette610]

Not the Nine o’clock News was brilliant as was Alas Smith and Jones - RIP Mel. It’s a shame we don’t get much sketch comedy any more, or probably none, due to budget cuts. I been watching them since the late fifties, but times change.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

it is a shame all the British comedys were the best back in the day and its all gone woke now

[@billwendell6886]

So this where Mike Meyers and Michael Caine got it from. Find the graveside sketch, Not My Teeth.

[@skathwoelya2935]

Very funny even though I only got about 1% of it (native English speaker too). We need a bilingual dictionary for people like me. 😆

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

hi there are some people that have done a full translation cockney, to normal English in the comments below if you wanted to know

[@skathwoelya2935]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Oh, thank you. I must scroll further!

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

@@skathwoelya2935 no problem

[@fuffoon]

This gets better with age. Or I have brain worms.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

your not far wrong all the old classics gets better with age

[@andrewharris1837]

Think Corbett's did this first😊

[@ilokivi]

Ronnie Barker’s sermon concerning the bricks and mortar, trouble and strife and Richard III is the benchmark for all Cockney based sketches. May the memory of Messrs Barker and Corbett with Mel Smith rest in peace.

[@pmacc3557]

Guy Ritchie obviously seen this

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

probably

[@hvidhavn1]

Yeah its hyped up with some made up stuff ,,still good tho ! ... Guy Ritchie films Snatch . & Lock Stock & two smoking barrels have some good slang in them !

[@DirkOhde]

For me as a German it was rather diffucult to keep track of this conversation ..... unfortunately

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

hi well fortunately there are a few people that have translated this so that might help a little you just have to look in comments

[@andrewdowns3403]

when they were allowed to be funny

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

TO Right ,,the old classic comedys were the best ,you wont find any comedys like that today

[@hanselmansell7555]

What are you talking about? If this wasn't 'allowed' KZbin would delete it. Your point is? 🤔

[@richardplume3212]

Agree is hello racist homaphobic or anti lesbian

[@richardplume3212]

Agree its radio rental bunch of uptown top rankers

[@razzle1964]

Is it worrying that I understood everything Mel Smith’s detective character said?

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

And so do i .why the hell do you have to be worried about a classic comedy sketch for ,its comedy

[@razzle1964]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK Don’t get me wrong, it’s fuckin’ funny; I’m Essex born with Canning Town / Bethnal Green parentage (one was always a shithole & the other is probably still a dodgy manor) - but, it also makes me realise how I must sound to my posh, Austrian in-laws, or the daughters’ in-laws down in Cornwall (mind you, THEY might as well be talking Welsh, sometimes). It was just like watching the Sweeney as a kid.

[@razzle1964]

@@BLOKIESGUILDUK oh, soz … I think all my settings a private. Mainly folders of comedy, curio, prog rock, gig vids & other tosh. I haven’t got anything of interest, tbh.

[@ianowen3157]

Could you please send me a translation of this please. I understood some it. Lmao. Great sketch.

[@thisisanfield7085]

Griff is a legend. How did he keep a straight face? Much of the slang was made up. 😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i know it probably took many takes to get it right

[@chriswatson7965]

The slang wasn't made up. This video has been posted elsewhere and in one of the comments there was one post who explained most of the cockney jargon, with the thread that followed explaining the rest. I wish I could remember it.

[@mojo2968]

@@chriswatson7965 do you know the name of the video with that comment?

[@chriswatson7965]

@@mojo2968 Unfortunately no. It was a quite a number of years ago and it may not even be up any more. That's also made me realise that given how dated this clip is there may not be many people left who could interpret it.

[@chriswatson7965]

@@mojo2968 I found this one "Rhyming Slang 2 the MAX Alas Smith and Jones". In it someone posted that a great deal was made up, based on what they read from one of the actors. There are attempts at translation also.

[@matthewlloyd3255]

I think I understand what he was accused of.....

[@macavalli2619]

What am i botulism toxin? 😂 its 1 minus 69, init?

[@philb4462]

Who is the guy talking in rhyming slang? I recognise him but I can't place him.

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

hi phill the actor is called Nicholas ball who had a tv series called hazell ,great legendary actor

[@SF-pq3sq]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@BLOKIESGUILDUK]

i do agree if S.Fmeans (so funny) ,only the best comedy CLASSICS were good back in the day