closing another chapter

thank you guys for sticking with me through all of this. i hope the chaos of my life doesn't turn you off in the future. its difficult navigating the early 20's/life in general but i'm uploading this to show we're all trying to figure this out. where home is, where our people are, where we want to be and go forward. i don't exactly see this whole experience as a failure, but more as a lesson in returning, in change.
thanks for watching and i will see you soon.

[@invictaland1983]

This video randomly landed on my feed, but I'm glad it did! Yes, PLEASE don't fall into the trap of looking for comfort in substances.... you have no idea where that road leads if you keep on it. I've lost so many people that way. Like you said, just pursue your passions and you'll be ok! Home is where YOU are. Not where people are, or anything else. And when you find that within yourself, you're golden. Just my two cents. ;)

[@itskylielockheart]

Im very sorry to hear about your friends, thats heartbreaking. Addiction is a monster and have seen how easily/quickly it leads people into darkness. It can feel like a solution to find comfort in substance but I know it never is, no problem has ever been resolved thru alcohol/drugs. That's just being aware of it, I understand that, and me just saying so is a lot easier than kicking the habit. I want to lean on better ways that aren't as harmful

[@lanodramallama]

It's good to see you again! Relating hard to a lot of this. Feeling lost, lonely and directionless, functioning outwardly but habitually getting baked in the evenings just lately, so as not to think all the thoughts just for a little while. Ouff. I do think you've gotta hit the lows in order to rebound. And there is a courage in diving into the nothingness for a while. Feeling your way through the what-the-fck-is-this. I try only to drink and smoke when I'm feeling reasonably buoyant. But also missing the connection with people, gotta put myself out there. I hear you with the tiring patterns. As an aside, a good friend of mine is from Atlanta but never felt at home there. She has spent the past few years travelling in Asia and Europe and is about to acquire Polish citizenship through ancestry, wants to stay in Europe longer term. So hey, go boldly, go explore. I'm doing a lot of solo travel lately. It's scary and sometimes lonely but you do inevitably have these encounters. You give the Universe the conditions to throw a few interesting things into your path. It feels somehow like you're doing something important even when you wonder what the hell you're doing! As for security, just having a base to come back to has always been enough for me. Somewhere for me to recharge after a long spell away. But I'm also lucky because my work is contract based and I can take off long spells of time in between gigs. I hope you're able to strike that balance between freedom and, you know, 'adulting'. I feel very much on your wavelength with this stuff. Sending you strength, not that I think you need it 😊 You clearly have strong intuition. How long have your trips been that you've taken? No, moving different places isn't going to solve anything per se, but as you're already aware, it can help to allow thoughts and feelings to fall into place. What kind of things will restore the 'quiet' for you? As ever, I appreciate the realness. You are wise beyond your years. Keep on keeping on 💪 Truly beautiful outro. Thanks for the interlude ❤ P.S. I was listening to a Ram Dass talk the other day (you may or may not have heard of him, but I love his message and the humour with which he delivers it), anyway yea, and he said think about the times in your life when you grew the most, and it's basically never when you're 'secure' - it's when you're floating through space without any waymarks, just trying to find your way. I like that.

[@itskylielockheart]

Thank you for this comment. It's soothed a lot of the stirring feelings that have come with my decision. Ive always felt the most at peace on the road/long drives etc so it made sense to be traveling a lot to get my quiet time. Now, as I've deepened connections with family and friends in each spot, I would enjoy finding a balance between roaming and comfort. I believe that's key. But some people can withstand traveling years and I admire the stamina for sure! Maybe a romp out of the country again would be a great idea one day!

[@drpg4ever823]

It can be tough at times, for me back then the worst I guess was seeing most people going to university, partying, having a gf or bf....I thought I was a failure because I had nothing, it could of been better because I was destroying myself with porn and masturbation and later alcohol. But today I don't envy those people anymore. Perhaps some of them really did succeed and good for them but everyone has their own struggle. I am just glad that I quit those destructive habit, that I am healthy.... Though I'll be honest, although I like to be alone sometime, there are times I wish I had a good friend to talk/share...

[@itskylielockheart]

This is very true. One of the biggest lessons I've learned since my time going back to GA is that people may look like they have the things I desire: stability/a solid relationship, but there are so many layers to these achievements and dreams come true that only the person receiving it can call it happiness or take it for granted. Everyone has their own path and there are sometimes rocks under steady waters

[@mikailalockhart]

Nails are tea

[@itskylielockheart]

Thx kween