Co-Parenting with the Cheating Ex

​Co-Parenting with the Cheating Ex
Dealing with and healing from an affair is a nightmare! Healing AND learning to co-parent with an ex after their affair is even harder!
The hardest thing, in my opinion, is the unfairness of it all. You were playing by the marriage and family rules: take care of the kids, work hard, be kind, go on date night, run errands, plan family outings... All the while you were lied to, manipulated and cheated on and now you don't get to see your children all the time! What? When you are in the thick of grieving the loss of your marriage and the life you thought was yours, this can feel like too much to bear. Honestly, this was the most difficult part of my recovery.
In this video, we are speaking to those of you who separated or are about to separate, due to their adultery. Learning how to co-parent after an affair is not easy and today we want to talk about how to approach this with your children and shifting your mindset. You will not be perfect at this, but we do want you to keep trying and keep pushing, because this is about your children. We can do anything for our kids, right? We want only the best for them. The best right now may just be a mom or dad who loves and supports their need to love their cheating parent too.
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After the Affair was made by the cheated for the cheated. Meaning that we wanted to create a down and dirty, let's get to the point, way to help people heal from their partner's unfaithfulness. We wanna know what to do about our racing and obsessive thoughts now, not after 7 months of therapy sessions that cost a fortune.
In 8 weekly videos we will cover topics like: trauma recovery, creating a support system, grief, PTSD, boundaries, reactions, reality, flashbacks, depression, anxiety and fear.
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Members can watch recorded videos when their schedule allows and as often as they would like.
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[@rhondapope3811]

I was following her until she said another person for the child to love (speaking of the mistress). Any women or man who cheated with a married person doesn’t care about your child or children no matter how nice they are because if they did they would have never broke up that child family. A person who knowingly cheats with a married person doesn’t have moral values so I wouldn’t trust them around my child. I hate when people say that. It should be about the kids however kids need to know right from wrong too. We teach them about everything else they need to understand infidelity is wrong too. The parent who cheated should be embarrassed. Why society feel it’s ok for the faithful person to hold their feelings back and suffer silently and let the cheater look good to the kids. It’s reversed punishment for the faithful spouse. That statement contributes to people not respecting marriage anymore because now we have to pretend to be ok with the cheating spouse having the person they cheated with try to act like a new family with the kids you made, raising, taking care of. Can’t no one see how backwards this is…

[@PrettieTete]

I wish I could triple like this and give you a hug. I SO agree with what you said. It’s so backwards and the reason why our society is changing so much and the “new norm” is becoming so chaotic. It’s honestly misleading and confusing to the kids sake if there isn’t any type of stability yet establish while the child is growing up. I wish there was something we could do.. legally. Sadly the mothers have to protect their babies and hope their children reap the benefits in the end.

[@seanmorgan7452]

Same. The moment she said that I paused and exited. This lady is brainwashed too. This mind control going in is crazy!! We are all being manipulated so that we accept this as “normal” when adultry and multiple partners in a child’s life is good for them. It is quite confusing for a child. A child needs one solid family unit that love each-other and work together as a team.

[@andrewphillips7758]

The message of our legal system is that people get to commit adultery, that hello, hurts their kids, and then they get to act like they are a good person and a good parent and you shouldn’t say boo. If it was really about the children they wouldn’t have cheated and divorced. The fact they made those choices speaks volumes about how much of a priority their kids are.

[@seanmorgan7452]

EGG FUGGIN ZACKLY!

[@onionpsi264]

Well, they justify it to themselves as "I need to be the best, happiest version of myself to be a good parent". The real question is why they had a kid with someone in the first place that they weren't willing to truly commit to.

[@leslielozano4771]

This is so hard , i broke up with him when my daughter was 2 months old she is now 5 months , whenever i see him i just remember all good and bad things he did , i try and focus on my daughter but then i just remember everything , im in the healing process 🥺 and i hate having to see his texts i just get emotional.

[@PilarGarcia-tx3qv]

How is it going now ?

[@father1st894]

Seperated from my wife 6 months ago. 2 days after she she moved she spent 2 nights with another man. A month ago I found out that her and that man had a 2 year long affair during my wife and I's marriage. Today she introduced my daughter to him. I had asked several in the last few months that before she introduced my 6 year old daughter to any new man to please discuss it with me. She didn't discuss anything with and just did it. She and him disrespected my family with their 2 year long affair and sitting idly by and watching this is not my idea of being an involved parent. Faking a smile is not the best thing to do. Protect your children. Dont let them grow up thinking that marriage is a contract that's easy to cheat on or jump out of. Marriage has become a joke. People have lost respect for others and themselves.

[@lydiajoymcdowell-davis3390]

She sounds awful.

[@325ariel]

You can say that again. Same thing happened to me and let my daughter stay with the mistress when she was with him to visit. The courts or government don’t help at all with the matter either.

[@father1st894]

@@325ariel It isnt easy.

[@selenaclavel545]

So glad I found this video It’s been so hard he manipulated me and made me feel crazy until I caught him and once I did he left on his own free will to be with the other woman . Left us with nothing but a empty room . My 5 year old daughter had it so hard because he didn’t even say bye to her . Now he’s coming around but wants nothing to do with me I want him to be there for his kids but gosh the rejection hurts so bad . I got no answers . No validation. Not even an apology. I have to be okay with this and fake a smile to my kids and run to the bathroom to cry after💔

[@ashleybriel8786]

How are you doing now? I hope you're okay

[@quelg1356]

Your not supposed to put your feelings to the side that starts an even worse depression, we didn’t ask to get hurt either

[@rhondapope3811]

Exactly

[@bodybombshell8963]

Hard af going thur this now and he with the girl that he was cheating with hard af

[@quelg1356]

Same💔😭

[@ohemgeexoxo]

Woooow that was hard just hearing. I am not ready for any of this. But great advice ❤️

[@jasontwombly4049]

Very difficult thing to go through. The best thing to do is not be a victim. On a side note whoever cheated on you, is out of their mind. You seem lie a really good person.

[@mamisiopao5219]

I’m so glad I found this video! I subscribed and requested to join the Facebook group

[@Tallontherocks]

Everyone talks about single people getting over the ex. making this video about people that were married is gold. Thanks.

[@kristina-ob9cz]

The anger I feel 😂 I just want the best for my baby girl, why couldn’t he just be a man and step up.

[@Cheerleader644860]

Yayyyy first!!!!

[@RN25899]

Thank you so much for this video. It hurts...but you have to go through it. Just sucks...especially when they're so little...

[@richardbrown6399]

Do we really want a person who broke a family up by cheating with a married woman, to be part of our kids lives? The mere fact that person knew of the family and still pursued the married woman shows that person has zero morals. That is not a person I want around my children.

[@MS-ns4ki]

I am unable to co parent as my ex cheated on me and takes my kid with his girlfriend and hides this from me. It is causing problems.

[@tiagoribeironogueira2752]

I feel that I'm not mature enough to change my mindset. It doesn't make sense to leave a family with 1 year old and 5 years old girls for an adventure, and after 2 weeks, want to introduce the kids to this new guy. Ultimately, I'm glad that happened, so she shows who she is. Now I have to go through family dispute resolution, and my voice will not be listen again. I can not concentrate on my life, studies, and job; everything is falling apart. I'm trying to be friendly and kind to my girls, but some nights it is hard. I push them to tidy up, eat, brush their teeth, and go to bed on time. No family around or friends to give support. I'm completely lost and feel that giving up is the best option.

[@lydiajoymcdowell-davis3390]

Don't give up!! Do the bare minimum for now, things will get better. Im so sorry. Im in the same boat and I feel like things are just a little bit better after a year and a half and I still have mediation and finalizing of the divorce he wants ahead of me. It will be better eventually

[@tiagoribeironogueira2752]

@@lydiajoymcdowell-davis3390 Hi, I love your songs. I should post more videos!

[@aprilcrooks6424]

I’m doing. All this however what about coping with my feelings ..... and still grieving.

[@brothersyoutube1049]

I’m a dad… I am just so hurt . I didn’t do any of the lying or back stabbing.. now I feel guilty. Why

[@Alexia-to4oe]

Going thru it now. You just described my current situation

[@CA-xf5pe]

My biggest fear is that my girls will be susceptible to relationships with someone like their father 😥

[@Broken2Blessed]

I think its important that you become the person they want to see, make sure you are the good example.

[@andrewphillips7758]

Make sure you nurture their relationship with that toxic, selfish person that will hurt them too.

[@lydiajoymcdowell-davis3390]

Nice! 😂 exactly

[@Tygertizzle]

Cheating ex wants me to help look after our 1 year old daughter at her house when I have been looking after our daughter at/with my side of the family - does it even make sense to raise my daughter at her house? when I am happy with taking our daughter out with me. Saying that when the mother of our child was 4 months pregnant she cut me off and told me the child is NOT mine! I have only realised I'm a father a month ago because she suddenly messaged me telling me I'm the father now - so we have done a paternity test - I'm the father.

[@ysolis5968]

My cheating ex insists on coming to MY house to spend time with our daughter, instead of taking her somewhere else. What do I do?

[@Broken2Blessed]

set some healthy, strong boundaries around this (if you haven't already).

[@yaab8250]

When your ex comes you can have your daughter ready and suggest he takes her out give him suggestions ie get food, go to library whatever it is. When he comes back you can meet them at the front door and take your daughter indoors an say goodbye. The point is to try an enforce more boundaries and be firm an consistent. All the best.!!

[@CirquesFreak18]

How do you put your feelings aside? Like how is that even possible? We are just humans and of course the kids didn’t ask but how do you heal when you can separate that feeling after that? I watched hoping that an answer would be answered but instead I’m asking the same question… how do you separate those feelings? I left him while I was pregnant and he didn’t show for our sons birth.. so how?

[@rhondapope3811]

You shouldn’t put your feelings aside. Like you said you’re human too.

[@tjmilhone718]

Honestly I cheated but I’ve been trying to fix the family

[@spacemermaid1111]

She’s never gonna trust you.

[@user-rp3gs7xn5r]

Put on a fake smile? That sound wrong on many levels! Dang

[@faysmith7248]

I call him out. Tell him he's a lying cheater. Gutted. I didn't want this for my kids. They are 13 and 16 our daughters. They are saying they never want to date or have kids. Because of us.

[@LaRavenTwitty]

The court often mishandle co parenting

[@barronncl]

There’s no such thing as cheating

[@zack8814]

this is all wasting time ,nooo to be kind and nice you have one life you need to live it not just becouse someone ruin your family and you stand there and take it, your kids not ask to be there so do you so whoever fault let them pay the price ,be kind nice deal with keep more ppl do the same ,so noo to co parenting

[@juliesalyer9157]

What happens when the cheating ex’s mistress of 5 years harasses and verbally attacks you to this day. Hell is a understatement. We only had one child together and they did every thing possible to make her turn against me. Thank goodness she loves her mama more than anything! She is now 15 and finally gets it but struggles with why her dad lies so much. I’m sorry but I feel broken inside and it doesn’t get easier for everyone.

[@Fabiansbc23]

Me neither but she did it anyways

[@coparentingcollective]

♥️ Our children, regardless of their age or parent's relationship status, want just five things: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. Should it really be that hard to get out of our feelings to let them feel like their life matters too? After divorce, nothing tells them they are still important like truly great co-parenting can.

[@lydiajoymcdowell-davis3390]

Divorce already told them they don't matter. No amount of fake gaslight-y, inauthentic interaction between two people that hate each other will fix it. You can make it look ok on the surface but the truth matters and when one person puts themselves and their needs above everyone else's that means they are just like that and don't actually have their kids best interests in mind. There's no fixing that and seeing the parent who stayed behind stuffing it while they continue to be mistreated, (because these folks don't change) does them no favors. Hey look kids! "Here is how to not stand up for yourself and let yourself be bullied! Just don't speak out, make sure everything looks good no matter what's really going on. Avoid conflict at ALL expenses!" Yeah, great advice folks .

[@ctsbro1]

She slept with him and now is telling me she can’t trust him sleeping over my house simply cuz “it would kill her cuz he grew inside her.” So she needs at LEAST a couple MONTHS before I’m aloud to even have him over not even spend the night….

[@ctsbro1]

So I get to stair at an empty bassinet for that whole time…… because him being with me would simply kill her because he was attached to her… but in my case it doesn’t matter how I feel, it’s gonna kill me to not have him around but it don’t matter how I feel just her….

[@thelovelylife7451]

How old is the child? Normally, an infant should be with the mother. Why don’t you go and visit the infant at her house? It’s only a temporary solution

[@cwt-yx5uz]

How's the going?

[@325ariel]

So delusional and disorient to God.