Cognitive Reframing (And One Life Hack to Reduce Suffering)

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Here is the link to the PDF: Transform Your Negative Core Beliefs: awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-core-beliefs-pdf/

[@antarasinha8639]

Optional pain and second arrow of suffering. My narcissistic biological mother left me when I was only 12 years old. She never loved me. My father's love was too weak to fill up that deep void in me. Both my parents have gifted me one life with many inner deaths that I still experience very often. I liked to study but my disturbed family life and worst kind of schooling and upbringing didn't allow me to achieve success in my life although I never wished to waste myself but my life is a waste now and I'm still sane and alive only because of my spiritual interests in life. Otherwise I would have been in an asylum by now. Thank you.

[@babycakes8434]

Nice haircut Barbara. It suits you. I can listen to you for hours. You never act like you know better than the rest of us, and that is greatly appreciated.🎉

[@alan992493]

Thank you for sharing the concept of the 2nd arrow of suffering, its such a perfect way to describe what our minds do to ourselves and gives insight into how we can counteract it ! I really appreciate your work.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you for letting me know! This is a super helpful concept for me!

[@youaremyunicorn8252]

I recently started to watch her videos, and they have helped me so much. After years of therapists and battling with my mental disorder cognitive therapy is the only thing that works for me. I'm glad I found her to refresh my memory and help me for free. Thank you very much.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad you are finding the videos helpful!

[@enchiladasqueretanas]

Use meditation as well, I love her videos too! Good luck ❤

[@michellezaylar]

Woah! This video came at the perfect time. This weekend I spent a few days in the house where I grew up. My parents are on vacation and this is the first time I’ve slept there in 10 years. While I was there I got to see some of those core beliefs that were created as early as at 5 years old. The main one being that I’m not safe and the world is harsh, unforgiving, and dangerous. I saw how that belief has been coloring my memories of my childhood AND what I’m creating in my future. I left able to appreciate all of the amazing things my parents provided that I had been blocking out or dismissing and able to lift that constraint (second arrow) from my future.

[@enchiladasqueretanas]

I am absolutely amazing! Whenever I hurt myself I immediately apologize! The other day I fell because I installed a slippery tile in the den, so if I am washing the porch and come inside barefoot I will fall automatically! The first time I was about to cry but since I live alone what’s the point of crying without an audience. I said “I’m not going to cry! I am not a poor thing, I am strong!” Now I know better, and purchased a pair of 🐊 croc sandals that aren’t slippery. I truly mean the apology whenever I hurt myself. Maybe if I weren’t living alone I would be looking for someone to blame

[@roseytui1735]

This was so helpful. I really related to the 'second arrow of pain' philosophy. I didn't realise how much optional pain I cause myself until I heard this. It makes sense. Thank you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

No pleased to hear that this was helpful! I find it a super helpful concept.

[@keeganbbk]

@@BarbaraHeffernan +!aaaa+

[@hanavaughan6956]

This was such a well-explained clear-cut cut to the chase video. Made so much sense to be able to grasp through real-life examples. ty

[@sakinaabid868]

Loved the concept that you introduced to us “the optional pain“. I realized this is what I’ve been doing all through my life and adding to my stress by blaming myself or blaming others for any unavoidable pain. Will reflect now! Thanks for the thought provoking video

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Awesome that this resonated with you! I find it so helpful!

[@AppleTY2015]

Thanks Barbara. Helpful video. The way you present information your videos makes them so enjoyable and easy to receive. I hear all the compassion too. Thankyou for choosing to make these, and all the effort that goes into the preparation. Simply amazing.

[@jenn.dragonette]

I love cognitive reframing and all the different techniques your channel guides subscribers through. As someone that is a chronic illness/pain sufferer, using mindful and thought reframing has been the biggest game-changer in my journey.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Awesome that these techniques have helped you!

[@97vandana]

Thank you so much Barbara. You're an angel for helping so many people out through everything. Thank you thank you💖

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Is the Second Arrow of Suffering a useful concept for you?

[@kathleenwoodward2851]

yes very much now to practice knowing when the pain is optional

[@matthewturner1201]

I like this idea. Also the Buddhist concept that we are unhappy because we expected a certain outcome. But it is what it is and that's ok as its our own expectation that's makes us unhappy. I'd like to watch more of your videos. Thanks

[@bonniel4325]

Yes, I love it, thank you so much.

[@mniiu6524]

Second Arrow of suffering is an amazing technique to get know and let go the optional pains.

[@prasadforfaithingod6590]

Yes. It was very helpful

[@zoeypierce1762]

I really resonated with everything you said. You are very clear and give great examples with visuals, which I so appreciate. Keep doing what you are doing it’s so powerful.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Zoey: So pleased you resonated with the video! And thank you for the encouragement :)

[@wilma.espiritucrowley]

I was looking for videos about reframing negative thoughts and I’m glad I found your videos! This is so helpful and the way you explained the concepts and techniques are easy to digest. Thank you for the free resources as well!

[@LB-rn6iw]

Great talk Barbara. It really has made me be aware of looking for times when I can lesson self imposed avoidable suffering. 🙏🏻

[@katherinescully6646]

Well, this can change how I deal with and sort out my emotions... I just need to ask myself: "Is this pain you're feeling optional? Do you actually need to feel this level of pain on top of the unavoidable one? Do you think you can let this one go or should we work through it? Do you think you deserve the relief of letting go of this optional suffering?" ... I think it will be very helpful as it starts a conscious conversation with the self and reminds me that I DO have options; that I don't have to undergo some kinds of pain if I can. Thank you🙏💕

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I love how you have developed a helpful internal dialogue from the concept of the Second Arrow!! I hope it helps (and I think it will!)

[@blahsan451]

How do I download PDF

[@skippy7208]

@@blahsan451 you just click on the little down arrow to the right of the title of the video. Some text will appear with information about the video, click on ‘more’ and a link to the pdf will be revealed.

[@sultanmahmood4173]

Thanks for sharing the Cognitive Reframing. The ideas were great. Life is beautiful. Its a great idea to manage the optional pain.

[@brandnewnew9905]

Thank you for saying that….everything that happened is NOT from our thinking

[@alicerajendran5499]

Hey. It's indeed an insight given... As a therapist, this knowledge adds value to my practice. Thank you.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad to hear that!! Pass it on :)

[@PuraaneGaane]

That awesome painting your mom did looks like a picture. So good. It sure can use a better frame. Reframing to open it up.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

hmmmm... I think the frame looks better in person, and it is now on a smaller wall . But I can tell you are an artist and I will think about that!! Thanks!

[@JulieCole-b3p]

I have just found you and think you are going to help me tremendously (I have no confidence, and suffer deeply from anxiety and depression)

[@valentinarex94952]

Your videos are great! Thank you for sharing. Al Anon 12 steps is also helping reframe my first thoughts of shame and judgement. Your delivery is so clear and concise. 😊

[@parisensore]

It's very useful and helpful when you weave in ideas and ways of thinking that are compatible with and pre-date modern psychology. Humans have been addressing the same kinds of psycho-bio-social struggles that we all struggle with today but through undocumented (to us) trial and error for centuries and there is so much value in that.

[@jane_7193]

Thank you, Barbara. This was a great reminder! Just last week, I reacted on someone' s negative core beliefs which this ( relatively unknown person to me) person hit me on my face. I reacted and so on. I caused myself pain. It was totally inappropriate how this person behaved, but so was my reaction coming from not being awake. I want to remember this wisdom of the second arrow. Thank you once more, Barbara.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Jane: Thank you for letting me know how this resonated with you! I find it a SUPER helpful tool.

[@KatCanDoRNMCB15]

After years of talk therapy, which I’ve known wasnt what I needed, In a single day your video’s have led me to important answers!!! Thank you very much! The second arrow explains my grief at several huge losses, recently, and helps so much! 🧡

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I'm so pleased this video was helpful (and sorry I didn't see your comment sooner). I hope working with the "second arrow" concept has been helpful!

[@KarenBonime]

The second arrow concept is really eye-opening for me and gives me hope - at age 81. It is never too late!

[@hanaamr3685]

Lots of love and gratitude from Egypt

[@crystalprince5333]

It is 9:45 am and the thought patterns you mentioned….I have been doing some of this. I beat myself up if I make a mistake and I even know where the core beliefs came from after watching your video. I think you explained it well. Childhood traumas do have an impact on how I view things. Nice to know there are tools to reframing the thinking. No secondary or optional thinking when something happens. I like this.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad this was helpful for you. Wishing you health and healing!

[@fazalnaqvi8436]

I am very very thankful to you for videos. It is wishful thinking that i want to see you.

[@merriebrown4089]

Great explanations of the Two Arrows! As I recently discovered IFS, I'm pondering the use of Two Arrows when working with my parts. 🤔

[@fusungoknar1169]

.Especially optional pain that we are creating.We are the one that create this nightmare.THANK YOU

[@tuxedoneko9837]

Never heard of the second arrow. But, wow, am I ever guilty of doing that. I will now know what to do when it pops up. Ty

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome! Glad it was helpful!

[@raffaelebenvenuti9913]

Yoga helps the arrows 🎯 for me too. Thank you Barbara very interesting 🙏

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, yoga can be super helpful!

[@prasadforfaithingod6590]

Lovely message. You make others understand better. I knew already this concept but it was not clear. You clarified it better. Thank you so much for the good message

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome. Thanks for the feedback!

[@lesleygarvs4640]

I totally love your videos... 🤗🥰... Your voice is warm, I understand how you connect ideas, easy to digest... And a warm and friendly approach.... Thanks, Doctor! 🤗❤️🌷

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome!

[@josmeeusen1136]

Yes, I see this often around. And people even take a second arrow of pain when they see you getting around the optional pain. So sort of cultivating it. They're ignoring signs that whould be helpful for them. And thank you. Your video's are very helpful,.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks for letting me know!!

[@nostalgic_blue]

I find CBT the most helpful even just practicing it without a therapist. I am grateful to have found your channel with such helpful advice.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Wonderful! So glad you are here, and I hope the videos help!

[@pastcath6953]

Excellent exposition! Simply excellent!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

thanks!! and thanks for letting me know :)

[@hoospoodles]

excellent topic I can relate to the optional pain or second arrow

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I truly find this so helpful!

[@RobertaWest]

Barbara, thank you for sharing this information. I hadn't heard about cognitive reframing before, but I love what I learned.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad it was helpful!

[@cherylkelly8009]

Thank you ! Yes, I can relate to the second arrow of suffering - a Very helpful concept

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad it was meaningful for you!

[@AdamGbl95]

Thoughts are a tricky game. You can literally over think overthinking. I mostly feel I'm dominated by my thoughts, and that my thoughts that i choose to think dont work. I've been drowning in endless mind battles throughout adulthood. So difficult to detatch and be present and be in control.

[@brndlbr9885]

This is the first video i watch from this channel and it added so much value to my day, thank you so much for creating this kind of content 💛✨

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome, and thank you for letting me know! And welcome to the channel :)

[@harvandankaurbedi6126]

Absolutely correct

[@bobbilynngibson302]

2nd arrow of pain.... VERY COOL. 😎⚘👣💚 VERY HELPFUL! THANK YOU💚⚘💚⚘💚⚘💚

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad this was helpful!!

[@susanellison5309]

absolutely helpful,,, I keep forgetting that I am keeping the second arrow in place

[@EmpoweredHealersAcademy]

Appreciated the outline on how frames are formed! Another great video!

[@ashwin24680]

You are a godsend!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

🙏😄

[@najeebenton862]

Thumbs up for motivation

[@swethasankar1318]

I love your videos. very informative and useful. I love the way you present too.. very casual and conversational. Thank you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome! Thanks for letting me know!

[@liyanayh12]

In my opinion, i think the second arrow of suffering basically trying to teach us about acceptance. Yes we all suffers, we all going to die, but that is just how things are. Can we avoid that? No. But can we learn to accept it? Yes. We just have to learn to let go of things that we cannot control.

[@Onlinesully]

How do you apply that to your wife betraying with a mafia leader and then abducting your young child and then being fired follower by total mental and physical breakdown ?

[@TLTthatsME]

Wow...this made so much sense to me! Really helped me with understanding why layering emotions isn't healthy. A second arrow for me was being taught that when I stubbed my toe, God is punishing me. I've been trying to reframe that one for few years. Thanks!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Oh, yeah, that is a good one to reframe! Not uncommon. Hope this helps!

[@johnykryll]

You have to practice so much and sometimes you can get blind sided

[@raghad.1696]

Thanks, I am grateful to you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are very welcome!

[@fusungoknar1169]

Optional is very useful word.I didnt think that way .thank you so much

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Terrific that you were able to pull that concept out! Hope it helps!

[@duvide659]

Thanks Ms. Heffernan! I compulsively think in terms of what I should have done regarding painful situations/relationships in my past. I also fail to fully process an old relationship that I shame myself for still hurting from. Both of these frames of mind express a rebellion against reality. Let's get to work, baby!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So terrific you are ready to do the work!

[@atulct]

Dear that's my story

[@oq17]

Barbara, Do you offer 1:1 counseling ? Your videos are very good and resonate with me . Please let me know . Regards , Rob

[@victoriacortina7715]

Barbara, I love this video and all of your videos. Keep them coming! I am a licensed therapist, as well, and I look forward to your content!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you! And thank you for letting me know!

[@davidlozado2632]

This helps immensely thank you. I’m going through it right now and all the information doesn’t change the physical part of it but I know it does down the line. I

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad it was helpful... yes, give it time! You might want to combine it with this series I have on other ways to address the physical symptoms: kzbin.info/www/bejne/emOniX-crb-Jodk

[@prasadforfaithingod6590]

The second arrow of suffering is very interesting. I would like to get some insights on learning music with CBT.

[@Sean-nh6cv]

Incredible tips and explanation of the concepts.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you!!

[@honestlygio7830]

Exceptional advice more youtube therapist need to give useful information for understanding these conditions and their roots. thx!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Glad it was helpful!

[@laurayates4033]

So very helpful!!! Just sent away for the PDF. Thank you!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Glad it was helpful!

[@donalee1975]

Your concise talks are so helpfu.; never mind $ saving - just costs me time, a pen, and a notepad. Oh, and a calm mind my anxiety, hypertertion, is not interfering right now! Thank You 🙏 nomaeste ...

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you so much for letting me know how meaningful they are to you! 🙏

[@Brycethebeast]

Thank you so much for this video!

[@lynntilley2257]

Loved this video (and so many others). You talk about the optional pain that we cause ourselves - the avoidable pain. The bounced cheque example is good but that is a relatively minor situation. Do you have a video to show how to deal with pain we cause ourselves, but when something awful happened and we are suffering, but it was our fault that this suffering occurred. For example loss of job due to bad habits. How do we let go and love on?? Thanks so much for your help!!!

[@lauriem2053]

As another line of thought on a bounced checks-parallel to what you had said regarding them. Back in the day I literally used to think that the bank was a scary place filled with judgmental people that I would have been absolutely mortified to call and talk to about a bounced check or a fee related to a bounced check because I thought their rules were iron clad written in stone and I would have to pay no matter what. Now I know someone personally who works for a major bank in customer service and I got the lowdown on part of her job. ALL DAY LONG she gets calls on bounced checks or overdraft fees. She gets yelled at, cursed out, and called the worse names possible all day long by angry indignant people thinking the bank had “made a mistake on their account” Never be afraid to ask that the overdraft fee be forgiven! She does it all day long for the nice, polite customers lol! Although I haven’t had a bank overdraft in many years, about 5 years ago my stepdaughter was on our family plan for cell, and ran up about $500 bill over on data. I called the cell company, asked to have the fees removed and they did it! I also was proactive and put things in place so it would never happen again.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you for sharing! Yes, we can get intimidated by systems... instead of realizing that, to a certain extent, and in some ways, they are set up to work for us. Being assertive can be helpful! (And what a stressful job for your friend since so many people are not assertive, but aggressive!)

[@tomsmith58]

I just watched this. It is the first of your videos I have seen. I downloaded the pdf. I’m going to watch more. Thanks for all your great work!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Thomas: You are very welcome! I am so glad you found it useful!

[@maddielittle7763]

I have my first session of CBT this week which I’m really excited about. Your videos are just a great taster for the better life I have to come! :)

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad to hear they were helpful and I wish you health and healing!

[@daphneyqin617]

Wow! I feel it’s super cool!

[@vidyasonavane9602]

I love your videos. But I would really appreciate if there are no superimposed images during the video.

[@angelacoppersmith4502]

I really enjoy your videos and a you make such sense.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I appreciate that!

[@Pedro-hk9ng]

Excellent. I love your videos so much. Concise but informative.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks for letting me know!!

[@poojaj1648]

It was such an eye opener the second arrow of suffering. Thank you, will certainly be using it in my personal life as well as for my clients. I work as a homoeopathic consultant & mental health counselor. I have also subscribed to ur channel, looking forward to more learning

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Terrific! So glad it is helpful! And wonderful that you can pass it on!😀

[@kamroc1]

I’m working on healing all these second arrow injuries

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

That is terrific!

[@Californian423]

Thanks for uploading such an informative video. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Glad you liked it!

[@BeeTB1]

Thank you very much.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome!

[@josephputz2964]

Thank you! This was very helpful!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You're so welcome!

[@scruzmartins]

Wow! Bingo! My therapist in Norway mobbed me, my therapist was my narc.

[@rrrashhh]

Avoidable pain is due to thinking. Is it his or her inability to understand the situation or inability to do doable or let go the situation. That shift to happen how CBT help. Shift from negative to positive.

[@suziem4061]

I never really comment on videos but this was so helpful to me..thank you, I'm now looking for ways that I can deal with the optional pain. Any suggestions would be appreciated 😊

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad the video helped! Thank you for letting me know.

[@ShawnBell]

Great information. Lots of people could learn from this. Thanks for the video

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome! I'm so glad you found it interesting!

[@musicmom2161]

I absolutely loved the concept and you explained it wonderfully. I would ask more questions of what tools would you recommend for helping with grief and pain that just surfaces over a permanent separation.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Good question - and a good idea for a future video. Sorry to hear you are grieving, and I do hope this is helpful for you! All the best, Barbara

[@veraarena1583]

Excellent! 👏👏👏👏👏

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you! 😃

[@CliffordStarks1]

Nice video Barbara, Definitely one of the most powerful things you can do!👍

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you @Clifford Starks!

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

Beautiful

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you! Cheers!

[@brightfox4647]

On top of everything going wrong in my life right now, I lost my dog three weeks ago and watching your video I noticed I blamed myself so much that I couldn’t grieve her death. Thanks for your time and dedication. I don’t have access to therapy and this really helps.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I'm so, so sorry you lost your dog. Losing a pet is so hard. It is terrific you were able to take this information and reframe the situation to allow yourself to grieve. Wishing you healing and peace.

[@youaremyunicorn8252]

I can relate. I lost my dog a year ago. Hang in there things get better.😔

[@UgoArinzeh]

Thank you for sharing. Really informative.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome! Thanks for letting me know you found it informative!

[@mariamkinen8036]

Thank you. Could I pls have the op? I can function alright. Physically not so easily.

[@tiannatalks7391]

Any videos on health anxiety? I’ve been suffering for 20 years

[@jackietripp1716]

how much of our anxiety is about things that may never happen.....Thank you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome! Hope it is helpful!

[@thanksexportsshoes240]

Hi Barbara you are god words !! i am lowering the speed to .75 and listening again and again . your helping hand is a help to a loosed human. please advice me you say structure is formed at childhood my problem starts at when i was 8th to 9th class or may be when i was in 11 th standard ,not i am 43years of age can we consider that age as childhood , or childhood is from birth to the age when i got to 8th to 9th standard as till 8th class i was fine all was good to me . i am learning a new life from your video's

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I am so happy the videos are helpful, and I appreciate you letting me know! Yes, events throughout our lives impact us, and the pre-teen and teen years are also very formative.

[@mariugibney1305]

Barbara ..thanks so much for sharing your professional wisdom! I would like to ask you this though, what happens when as a child you didn't get to form/shape ...(experience?) a ''frame"" ? ..does this require further, more complex psycho therapeutic work? ..of a different sort perhaps?

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Mariu: I'm wondering what the reason is that a child would not get to form a "frame"? Is it because the adults in their life imposed a frame? If that is the case, there is a frame in there that the child has, perhaps one of always feeling wrong or confused. Does that make sense? And if my response is off base, I maybe don't understand the question.

[@angelacoppersmith4502]

Cant find show notes for transforming negative thoughts. I do this all the time even though I know there is no truth to these thoughts but the thoughts make me anxious! How do I stop doing this?

[@Jia56peacelover]

Thank you 🙏💗

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome!

[@cocopie1190]

Superb

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks 🤗

[@sophiadeklerk1509]

I get that the client whose wife died in a car accident has grief. Did he have persistent anger? Anger at the other driver or the traffic or circumstance? Did he devote time on resolving any issues on the circumstances of the accident? In my grief, I try to structure something to help give me a purpose while I grieve. Does that make sense?

[@HULovingLife]

🙏

[@marylouleeman591]

The PDF is not coming to my email...on repeated tries.