Conflict Resolution in 6 Simple Easy Steps

[@gooscooby5988]

I tried this , but ended up buying a dishwasher

[@johnzabik270]

gooscooby thats right she probably makes a shitload of money..lmao

[@greenbirdconcept]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3TReKave9WSZqc Meditation

[@slideryt]

who loads and empties the dishwasher?

[@alana1119]

If a dishwasher loads itself, does anyone in the forest hear it?

[@alfriesmacdonalds5879]

@@alana1119 reloads

[@_Ozzy]

"we should make the kids do the dishes" BOOM

[@greenbirdconcept]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3TReKave9WSZqc get peace of mind

[@paulettestubbs8326]

6 step process S OURCE (what is the conflict) T IME & PLACE (choose best time & neutral place) A MICABLE APPROACH B EHAVIOR (summary of behavior beginning with 'I') E MOTION (because of this behavior I felt.... Never say 'You did...") N EED (what do I need to end this conflict: "I need You to....") Thank you for this which is exactly what I needed!

[@godog4744]

Paulette Stubbs v

[@RiverFlow58]

Thanks

[@ashwinkumarrao6630]

Thanks for this. I tried this out a few times. But it works only if the other person is rational.... it doesn't work with irrational people!!!

[@Aisha_Davis]

Ashwin Kumar Rao Correct. Like narcissists.

[@emmasivewrightmd]

truth, brother

[@angelherraiz5381]

Then, you have got another conflict, why do you surround of this people? Somtimes you have to meet them at work and there is no other possibility but even for them, by using this kind of approach you are giving example, and increasing your self respect for behaving as you think you have to.

[@MrOtherguy81]

Are you married

[@firstphoton655]

11:07 *Husband calling saying hes is not doing the dishes tonight.*

[@ericjones3981]

Haha

[@greenbirdconcept]

Do meditation, kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3TReKave9WSZqc

[@rcitaliano]

thank you!!! just a curiosity for you, in the venetian dialect "sta ben" means something like "be well" or wishing that a person has good health.

[@benisrael7]

do not forget to say that conflict starts smaller but grow bigger than one can imagine. so conflict become an opportunity for new constructive resolutions when it treated well as soon as possible. however, it becomes a real fight when concerned parties neglect it and keep silence like nothing is happening. pls, handle your conflict before it handles you.

[@nambinhvu]

Should be STAB'EM XD

[@elsagrace3893]

Much needed no doubt. Compared to Nonviolent communication this is sloppy in a few areas. "Made me feel" is not taking responsibility for your feelings.

[@Icedel777]

Thank you I really like this. I think this will help me. I do like this process, I think it is a good tool to have in your bag. I'm going to start putting it to a test to see how this plays out in my life and how I can conclude certain conflicts. I find it tasteless that many on here try to comment with humor which I find funny at times but this should be taken seriously people have a hard time dealing with conflict. This is a greet asset to have maybe start creating good environments and help change home/work atmospheres.

[@susanburbrink4469]

Thank you for your step by step example of conflict resolution that everyone, in which, high school can relate. I am using this to teach my high school seniors how to appropriately handle conflict. Please do not take this video down. It is by far the best video out there. Gratefully yours.

[@dwagoonie7280]

Thank you. I think this is something people need to learn and start taking out into the world to help resolve issues about race, religion, sexual orientation, and other types of hate. It's a start.

[@felixgomez12]

Well I have to say that I disagree with this. First of all the Source is not your husband, it is the Dishes. Take the husband out of the equation and guess what you still have dirty dishes. Time clearly you need to work on your time management skills and let you husband know you want him to wash the dishes the following day. No one likes surprises! Amicable Approach Hey honey bunny thanks for giving a heads up about the dishes surprising me last minute like you always do. Behavior Hey honey bunny how about you always do the dishes that way theirs no conflict. Babe we are equal partners so keep the good work with the dishes, I need you to do them 100% of the time. I don’t see you mowing the grass or cleaning out the cars. Emotion I feel much appreciated that you always wash the dishes you’re awesome and everything I expected when I said I DO! Need I guess if you keep up the good work we won’t have to S.T.A.B.E.N and I can go to sleep? You say this takes about ten minutes, what a waste, just wash the dishes it takes about five. Your husband can sit back relax and drink about two beers in that time.

[@AjagsGroup]

Acronymn easier to remember as ABSENT...does the order matter?

[@drinkwaterreminderformenot919]

it needs to be in order

[@greenbirdconcept]

Meditation music, kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3TReKave9WSZqc

[@1957hutch]

At this point 400,000 people have listened to you browbeat, bully and disrespect your husband because he didn't do the dishes. Did this public humiliation help you resolve your conflict? My guess is that you instigated another conflict. Do you find this sort of public leverage is effective? If your husband made a derogatory KZbin video about you that 400,000 people viewed I wonder how you would feel? Publicly throwing family members under the wheels of the KZbin bus does not resolve conflict.

[@RiRiandAJ]

This really helped for a school project! Thanks! it was funny when the phone rang, I would of been so mad

[@esesmillinery6689]

Source Time, Place Amicable aproach Behavior Emotion Need

[@edesign1993]

I am handling someone who is the eye of HR then at the time that you want to change her schedule. Then she would say, no you cant change my schedule co'z I was task by the HR to be at that scheduled. Then you knew that, that person has a bad record in his previous Supervisors who handled her, then here comes the HR trusted her to be her eyes. Then that eye tells everything regarding about the operations of your area. Then me as his supervisor would probably feel uncomfortable. I felt that my rights are already taken out from me because what I knew is I need to solve any problem before it reach to the higher management. If it reach to higher management they could say that I'm not doing my job well and it makes me feel discourage because of it. What should I do?

[@kayBTR]

“Honey, since you don’t like doing the dishes I will not put food on your plate.”

[@angelherraiz5381]

Wonderful video. The process is very similar to the one described by the Non Violent Comunication (from Marshall Rosemberg) but in here is adding two nice tips: the Time-place and te Amicable approach. Thanks very much. By the way, very good communication skills.

[@gingershock]

Wouldn't the amicable approach come across as passive aggressive if you are actually angry with the person you want to talk to?

[@drjenniebyrne]

ginger shock You don't want to be in an angry state when you use this process.

[@elsagrace3893]

Telling a person to say something nice is an easy to fail attempt at the inner work you need to do before discussing the conflict with them. The inner work is to remember that this person is not an enemy. Remember the good qualities of the person. It is not even necessary to say it to them though probably much appreciated

[@EuphoniaPooch]

That is a great point. I think one common tip people would give is to not hide your feelings per say, but to claim them and describe them instead of using them as a weapon. For example, " You don't care! " vs " I feel like you don't care! ". One is definitive and accusatory. You've portrayed the other person. They'll be defensive about the label you've stuck on them. The second, you've only represented your own emotions. This still might be upsetting to hear but it's still the complete truth ( assuming you haven't just said it to make them mad ) and not so much an attack.

[@georgemerlopallath]

I am a trainer in mediation. We deal with conflict resolution everyday. You are spot on. Nice strategy. You have to express your feelings and need. Only then the other person understands.

[@calsitup]

Some people crave conflict and then blame someone else. They can not see that they are causing the stress and conflict. Its always someone else.

[@ronnleemorris6817]

That's my dad every now and then.

[@gailanaljaboori3401]

Hi thanks alot for this beutiful video its very helpfull for me since I m working on conflict resolution in Iraq What can you advice me??? in this regards

[@pagmatic]

Thank you for sharing this info. I work in a stressful environment that often requires conflict resolution. The way you put things in that paticular order makes things easier to handle. Sometimes it involves doing dishes :)

[@anshulgoel1940]

After reading the comments I think that people don't really understand the dynamics of conflict resolution. What jennie has covered should be taken as principles rather than a methodology. The principles can take many forms depending upon your beliefs, values, needs or objectives. There are different types of conflicts and different reasons of conflict. This is a good summary of the most common emotions in play and a good approach to solve them.

[@thebestguyintheworld]

the flowers in the corner are suspicious

[@azadehrikani5016]

you should find the the drive behind not doing the dishes.

[@thebrutalgarden6842]

I am going to try this. I hope they can be rational and accept this lol.. You can't talk to some people.

[@henrikthekeynotespeaker62]

Great summary of people's reactions to conflict and how to deal with it. =) I'm thinking though that this depends a lot on culture. I'm from Sweden, where conflict is usually avoided (some kind of fear of confrontation), whilst in South America (where I live) fear is usually manifested through hard confrontation. =) I've heard similar differences exist between northern and southern USA, but that information I've gotten only from books. Have no idea how true that is.

[@drjenniebyrne]

Henrik the Keynote Speaker Interesting and that is a good point.

[@premier69]

also from Sweden, had a massive blowout with mom yesterday temperament from my British side I guess.

[@bitchfightme2259]

Henrik the Keynote Speaker here in the USA where i am, confliction varies from person lol, there's no specific or "more of this" category . it really just varies amongst person

[@alana1119]

@@bitchfightme2259 I would say maybe east versus west coast has more conflict diversity? Versus north/ south US

[@genesis7146]

11:09-11:18 the way she stares at the camera after the phone rings lol good video overall though

[@alana1119]

I want to know exactly what she was thinking haha

[@derekstone1553]

wonder if this is gonna work after hubby called in the middle of this presentation, if that look was any clue, he gonna git it..

[@alana1119]

Omg 😂

[@veronica87pr]

2013 wow... It is now 2020 and this video just helped me complete a nursing project, thanks a bunch!

[@katelynissoshortnot]

Hi Jennie! I am doing a mock training session for a class I'm taking to get my HR certificate and my group decided to train people on conflict management. We are adapting your STABEN model because it's really great, but we changed the acronym to make a more sense. We turned it into an actual word - STRIFE. S and T remain the same, but R = Respect - Be respectful in your approach, I = Identify - Identify specific behaviour, F = Feelings - Explain how the behaviour makes you feel, and E = Essentials - What is essential to resolving the conflict? Just thought I would let you know - it makes way more sense than STABEN which, if you don't pronounce it with a long A, sounds like "stab 'em".

[@CognitivePsychiatryChapelHill]

I like it - thanks for the feedback! JB

[@bzzzgirl]

+Katelyn Smith Schruder Very clever acronym!

[@Icedel777]

I like reading the comments. While the doctor had a great acronym and I was getting ready to implement it in my daily life. It's not exactly easy for me to remember new things I learn; seeing the way you changed it and why it's going to help me a whole lot more. Thank you for this great example and the doctor for helping out.

[@aslpl5924]

LOL I did all that point #3 without even knowing that 😂 what’s that? A female intuition ?😁

[@derekmacdougall3011]

Really helpful, helps you see that an argument can be broken down,will look to use, as it's easy to get entrenched in an argument👍

[@bellarides7881]

Thank you very much Dr. Byrne, I will use this. Very informative, and your discussion is very easy to understand.

[@stacydaugherty4370]

I know this video is from a while back, but could you talk about conflict resolution in the work place. between a trainer and an employee. I would greatly appreciate it. my training team loves to help people, but it also comes with the dreaded push back from employees not wanting to listen or become upset and verbally agressive. could you please upload a video I can show my team to aide them in becoming a more efficient leader by handling push back in a professional and effective way. thank you again!

[@mccawarsamegool7613]

I found out that if there is no gender based approach to the job sharing, such conflicts arise, if woman habitually does house work and husband helps her when he is free, couple may not dispute because the wife already knows her role of work. But when wife does regard herself as equal to the husband on terms of job doing, then this causes constant dispute and jealousy.

[@gergelyfliegauf5287]

I misheard "stabbing" for STABEN, OMG it is the conflict resolution in a prison! :)

[@snskumar6966]

as I see it , dr Byrne your approach works with reasonable and honest person.do you have an approach for a cold person ?

[@tesfalemfisuh7748]

I admire your precise explanation and full of confidence

[@drjenniebyrne]

+tesfalem fisuh Thank you for the feedback.

[@MelMelx365]

+Jennie Byrne it looks like you loss your train of thought when the phone rang.

[@chuchu7s]

HI I LIKE YOUR VIDEO OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN 6 STEPS. I WILL TRY THIS BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND MY SON ALWAYS WASHES THE DISHES AND I ALSO WASH THE DISHES AND THE OTHERS DO NOT. MY SERIOUS CONCERN IS THAT MY CHILD HAD A CONFLICT WITH ANOTHER PERSON IN SCHOOL. IT GOT OUT OF HAND AND THERE WERE INJURIES. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THE PERSON TO AVOID FIGHTING WHEN BOTH ARE ANGRY ? THANKS FOR YOUR VIDEO. chuchu7s

[@sasha_nivar]

This is very valuable information! It’s taken me some time to learn how to resolve the conflicts in my life. The tough part is when I’ve done this a few times and it doesn’t change:/

[@pashapatience1174]

Who is here in 2024

[@liezlsaldivar3517]

Hi! Thank you for sharing this video to us. May I know you're opinion about conflict within yourself. Hahaha

[@stephenpitell6087]

I got banned or whatever he did, by a guy who produces sports content, and after he banned me or hid me or whatever it was, I now cannot view any video anywhere on KZbin. My goodness, he didn't like my comment on something he said, and now I am banned on youtube generally? That seems extreme. How do I deal with this?

[@kyak.6512]

This is based on Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. You should credit your sources.

[@antwanthorogood4921]

Sometimes you either have to understand that it’s simply now your task or you’ll have to be prepared to walk away/fire them. So if he flat out never did the dishes, is him not doing the dishes worth leaving the relationship over? Is whatever the employee not doing fireable or just inconvenient to you?

[@ConflictGuy]

The source of your conflict is not your husband. That's ridiculous and even offensive. It's your perceived inequity in the assignment of dinner/dishes tasks

[@sandrabesselieu1107]

Positive, workable, explained well. Thank you!

[@silverlining1613]

It's interesting how this does not work. Too many people could not give two flips of the mid digit what you need. My work would never ever go for this. I've tried. However, it works well in a video where you are the only one in the shot.

[@neetrab]

I love this. Thank you. Your dishes story; Most men, if not all men, are just plain lazy, period. Just chalk it up to laziness. They are too tired to come home from work and do the dishes, etc? Maybe the wife is, too. You'd think they'd understand and care about that part.

[@ehabbob783]

you are amazing that was so helpfull god bless you :)

[@zizazizi]

this is great

[@KhaoticDeterminism]

the shutting down and not hearing what aggressive folks say is white fragility it’s also a good idea to void out the emotion that was triggered first before talking to them so you’re not in your Ego anymore #indigenous

[@parveenquadri5199]

It’s really very useful way to resolve conflicts . Good job,!,!

[@KhaoticDeterminism]

indigenous here… in our culture we tend to just take the L and process the Ego behind it feel as tho work has been really blind of their biases #ottawa

[@chewbster]

You lost me at “Source” of the problem is the husband

[@SoulFireIgniter]

Agreed...For me the source was the "issue." The dishes and no one cleaning up after themselves. I get why she felt it was him since "he"was the other adult and needing to show the children a "team" mentality. So I feel what she is trying to convey here is the supporting role was feeling more like abandonment then supportive. This was causing the conflict she felt.

[@ltergilywamb8106]

No one can 'make' you feel anything. Your feelings are a response to stimulus. Your feelings are your responsibility.

[@danielledarby3460]

She never said the person...she said the person's behavior

[@charlottelandon4948]

Everything is not necessarily prayer, a simple counseling can save your marriage from hell, my home was once a hell on Earth until I came across Dr. Gbenga on KZbin who gave me counsel on what to do, since September 23, 2020 till date, my home has been peaceful and I live happily with my wife.

[@pchang5787]

Dr. Byrne: With the dishes example, it is just as easy to say: "Honey, I don't feel well tonight, would you please help me with some of the dishes, I already washed the pots & pans, all you have to do is finish up with few dishes". That works in my family. If I know I am a hero to help my wife, esp. she said she didn't feel well . (Men is often plays the protective role). If I only do half of the dishes, I feel it is doable (not a drag). After I finished, if my wife came over and gave me a hug or a kiss and said: I really appreciate you. I will make special a dish you like next week (or tomorrow). -- Don't mention that "I do 5 dishes. Or worse to compare, I did 5 nights of dishes, and you only did 2 nights of dishes - that is (to a man) like putting a boxing glove to ready for a fight. The man might be unclogging the sink or doing something for the house - he is not doing washing dishes . You have other good principles, but didn't work quite well with the example between the perspective of men and women.

[@hori1721]

buy a dishwasher or better still get ya kids to do the dashers.. it's no big thing.

[@drsundipshenoy2471]

Very interesting ,on a lighter note with apologies Psychiatrists also go mad on domestic front. Nice professional approach respected Madam. I am sure your husband is very affectionate towards you.Wonderful family .Nice tips on workplace conflict also thank you. Please post more. 🙏☺️👏👍

[@immes682]

I was first watching chimps fighting an d brawling and then i landed here

[@safiullahkhanbangash4972]

very informative video.and i like your smile.......

[@johnzabik270]

SAFI ULLAH KHAN BANGASH too bad she's married dude...lmao

[@wilbrujs2311]

Tmre oe casi me zzz en el proceso del video

[@seygra20]

Great tips. Love the Staben concept. But why are you arguing over doing the dishes. Do you split the yard work with your husband? e.g mow the lawn, trim the trees, pull out the weeds, shovel the snow, power-wash the yard etc.

[@kevindorel9141]

What is they use this technique on you how do you staben them back

[@smitanair26]

very beautifully explained and so soothing to listen and understand

[@EuphoniaPooch]

Do you really want to label a person as the Source? Doesn't that essentially lay the blame and isn't that the opposite of the oft given advice to address the behavior not the person?

[@worldcitizen999]

Another solution is to lower your expectations. If he did the yard work and you do the dishes that’s even. But you want him to do both the yard work and the dishes? Then you do some yard work!

[@davidosolo]

The staben method well explained. But why do you think it would be fair if your husband would do the dishes half of the time. Don´t you think he could better focus on those tasks that you are unable to do?

[@Me-nl5ps]

That sounds great but about step time "Time and Place" in certain situations you don't always have the time to resolve the issue at a later time as the person is upset and is not going to say sure lets set up a good time where we can sit by the fire place and cook marshmallows? Specially at work or in a public place with someone you just met or on a social site where you need to respond quickly or there will be not change for resolution. Another question is how do you come up with all the steps right away on the spot because I think a litter slow and respond a little slow. The good thing is when you think before you speak it tends to be more clear it's just I am slow at thinking then responding fast like some people.

[@ceoinfogeo5320]

I ve copied staben and am going to use it thanks!

[@jeffreyabraham7051]

isn't the source the unclean dishes?

[@lesliecapalac5037]

This is a nice example of how to keep it "short and sweet." I need to apply this in my personal life when speaking to my siblings about a specific problem haha.

[@neberuzegeye3376]

i appreciate you this video is very very helpful

[@lizr5077]

Would love to see this about a more serious issue

[@dontomslee3456]

Thank You Madam for this advice, I really needed it. Yet to try it, will give you a feedback after a week😊

[@manoranjanswain3227]

Wonderful process.

[@caawiye3635]

Many thanks!

[@CognitivePsychiatryChapelHill]

You are most welcome!

[@theschoolofbodylanguage]

I love ❤ time and place

[@11dagit]

It was GREAT, very helpful and straight to the point. Thank you ❤

[@Kavou]

Wow this was insane.

[@huki408]

thank you for the steps! i gave a negative feedback because i really disagree with the first step. the source comes from the dishes. I've been taught to separate the person from the problem.

[@KenLenoir91]

I thought about this too. But I wonder, one doesn't really have conflict with inanimate objects. People have conflicts with people.

[@nambinhvu]

Use disposable dishes, bam, problem solved! XD

[@anisah6089]

@@nambinhvu nooo that is really wasteful

[@game-f-un-limitedgamer8958]

@@nambinhvu and contribute to the global pollution problem.

[@nambinhvu]

@@game-f-un-limitedgamer8958 Are you saying you don't eat foods wrapped in paper/plastic/etc.? There are people that go out to eat every day and toss all those sauce packets, paper wrappers, plastic utensils, disposable chopsticks, straws, etc. Unless you never do any of that, then stop being a hypocrite. I bet you waste tons of water showering at least every other day and throw your old batteries/electronics/bulbs in the trash. If we want to "save the environment" we should all just die. It'll happen eventually.

[@josefernandocalderoncabrer3153]

I love this with my wife and it really works! Thank you so much. Cheers from Southern California.

[@dejohnnelacy254]

What about when you ask someone several times not to do something an they continue to do it an they say you trip over small stuff

[@scotter]

Hi Jennie. Thanks for your generosity in putting out there a technique for helping people resolve conflicts. I'm wondering if you are okay hearing an idea for a small tweak that might improve your technique?

[@spectratrainings4437]

Dont use pencil sound in video

[@alexanastasi968]

Anyone else looking at Jen there, with the sexy librarian/office staff look happening...fantasizing about taking her into the store room after all your colleagues have left...*blinks twice & shakes his head a little, sighs, adjusts his collar, & clears his throat* Excuse me! excellent video! superlative in fact!

[@theschoolofbodylanguage]

Thank you So much

[@onakorameabitoyo9573]

These steps are very information & Educative. Thanks for this video.

[@Hayley1518]

Dr. Byrn, I can't think of anything genuinely nice to say to this person. If I say, for example, "your hair looks nice today.", it will be obvious and phony. Is it that important that step three be used?

[@drjenniebyrne]

You want to show appreciation about something they specifically did, not a compliment. Does that make sense?

[@dhaneshmalhotra4055]

Thank you thank you thank you.

[@timvirgo66]

i love you

[@bisu16]

Very Very Helpful Video.. Thanks a lot

[@drjenniebyrne]

You are most welcome1 Thank you.

[@dereksmallsuk]

Utter codswallop

[@freedomrules7638]

Very helpful, thanks. I will be sharing this at a leadership workshop I am facilitating...

[@samuelnazario7412]

“The source is my husband” Shiiiiiiiiit