Billionaires, They're Just Not Like Us: Elon Feuds With Bernie, Bezos Would Turn Earth Into A Park

The world's richest man, Elon Musk, got rather prickly after Sen. Bernie Sanders suggested that billionaires should pay more taxes. Another American billionaire, Jeff Bezos, believes humans will eventually move off this planet, returning only as tourists. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@rosesmith6925]

My granddaughter just left this morning with her parents to spend the holiday with the other half of the family. As she hugged me goodbye she whispered "but they're Republicans " 😂😂

[@Washougalite1]

😂😂😂😂😞

[@BeefZupreme]

Bahhhh sheeps

[@hereholdthiswillya]

Hopefully they're vaccinated Republicans not insurrectionist retrumplicans

[@caroljo420]

Smart girl!

[@whocares2087.1]

America is a very divided place, only politicians benefit from this.

[@turkey2083]

Was that billionaire temper tantrum an impression of Thurston Howell, III from Gilligan's Island? Bravo!

[@sophierobinson2738]

That's what I thought!

[@narelleworks8448]

I’m sure it was Lovey.

[@iansclone]

It was Howell with a hint of Lithgow

[@gggnumber1]

Good catch. Didn't think of Thurston Howell. Certainly slipped into some John Lithgow.

[@gggnumber1]

@@iansclone - I posted mine, before I checked out the other replies. That's why I can't stand listening to Lithgow. Comes off like a pretentious butthole.

[@ericisprobablyfullofshit7797]

He left out the best part of that Sanders/Musk tweet, Tommy Chong's reply. " The richest person in the world shitting on the nicest person in the world is capitalism summed up in two tweets." 🤣

[@JohnSmith-um7iy]

Not defending his behavior here, Elon Musk supports UBI. Even though he is an ass, he is an ass who supports UBI.

[@tma2001]

not sure why Elon took the bait - has Bernie criticised him specifically ? cos Musk is one of the few who actually does not engage in dodgy off-shore tax havens or has a lavish life-style (his current residence would fit inside Colbert's garage).

[@cheeseonyomama]

@@JohnSmith-um7iy oh he "supports it?" With what? His words? stfu

[@conradmonson30]

@@JohnSmith-um7iy oh! The richest person in the world supports basic human needs? Well, I suppose we should thank our magnanimous lord for tossing crumbs our way so that we don’t die of starvation. We shall sing songs of his generosity for generations to come! Hallelujah!! Praise be to Elon!

[@conradmonson30]

@@tma2001 and it wasn’t even a good diss. “Oh, Bernie is old. I’m going to diss him by calling him old.” Things like this are why I’m no longer on the ‘Elon is a smart person’ bandwagon. “Nice one Elon. Which one of your engineers told you that joke?” 🙄

[@peterflom6878]

Bezos watching the Grapes of Wrath is a perfect description

[@carolinah4348]

also: the guy laughing his a** off in the background > I felt accurately represented :D

[@mariamysager2789]

Sittin here in Denmark and thought exactly the same about Talosa, just before Stephen said it. 😄 But we don't need to fill in an application. Love this show.

[@HCBYRD]

You kinda do need to apply if you are not born here, though.

[@3rdmm]

Greetings from Denmark! Happy Thanksgiving to all you nice Americans.

[@NexuxTwins]

Folk ved hvem vi er :')

[@strangewayfaringstranger]

Thanks buddy.

[@WouldWorkforWoodWork]

"that's Denmark"... or Canada... or the UK... or Australia... or really anywhere else in the world with free* healthcare * I know it's not free, but everyone pays towards it, and it's available to all.

[@charlie-obrien]

Don't forget Cuba, Mexico and much of Latin and South American countries.

[@Taricus]

Italy too... well all of the EU, I think.

[@MTMF.london]

Basically most of the advanced, civilized world.

[@AbandonedMines11]

That little bit where Colbert is talking in the spoiled billionaire voice is hilarious!

[@Rucksacksepp]

Fun fact: His normal voice is his millionaire voice!

[@samanthahamilton9117]

He’s just doing Jim Backus from Gilligan’s Island… the voice of spoiled rich white guys since 1964.

[@AbandonedMines11]

@@samanthahamilton9117 very true! Colbert does sound like the millionaire from “Gilligan‘s Island.”

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

As one of Seth's jackals, I just want to say that: technically Cranberry Sauce is a polymer, achieving form into a semi-solid colloid by the interaction of pectin polymer chains formed during heating.

[@mariavictor4324]

Branching out eh ? Hehe 🤫 (im one too)😄😆

[@Gildedmuse]

You should let Seth know. He's responsible for any mistake made across all the Late Night Talk Shows.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

@@Gildedmuse You know the Jackal code. It is the sacred duty of every pack to keep him down. No praise, no credit. Not now, not ever. It is the only way to keep him pure. And in his place. This....we swear.

[@Enterprise1701J]

Semi-”solid”. Not semi-“liquid” 😆

[@bonitahobbs2097]

" OOH PAPRIKA" ❗!❗

[@rickuslastname6305]

I don't know how much it would cost to hear Bernie actually say that, but I would happily pay it.

[@marisolaquino719]

Me too, and with interest.

[@kitcoffey7194]

Shut up and take my money!

[@lizabethrobison4566]

@@kitcoffey7194 hilarious, you

[@maivaiva1412]

unfortunately, bernie can’t be bought 😌

[@Apple-qq4bp]

😅😂🤣

[@jdax21]

Stephen's "rich person" and Bernie Sanders impressions need to become more regular features of his monologue. That was hilarious. Also, Stephen needs to have Bernie back on the show and they need to stand side-by-side doing impressions of eachother. Or just doing impressions of Bernie.

[@glockout8283]

Look a millionaire making fun of a billionaire

[@bigmarshawn4037]

@@glockout8283 On a CBS show, meaning everything said on it was approved by a billionaire

[@Vyurr327]

That "rich person" impression made me think of Thurston Howell III from Gilligan's Island.

[@jdax21]

@@Vyurr327 Good call. I was trying to remember who that reminded me of.

[@beaubalentine4403]

Stephen Colbert’s annual salary is $15 million dollars…it’s not an impression

[@bigbiff38]

"I keep forgetting you're still alive." For a 50-year-old, and especially for a man "worth" almost $300 BILLION, he's got the mind of a 14-year-old.

[@iKingRPG]

It's something called a joke

[@sherrieludwig508]

@@iKingRPG Oh, agreed, Elon is a joke.

[@jonanddy]

I like how he always throws us off guard

[@elrti319]

You´re absolutly not allowed to talk back to politicans on twitter

[@iKingRPG]

@@elrti319 exactly, people make fun of Biden, Trump, and other politicians all the time, calling them old, orange, saying they have dementia, etc. But one guy calls Bernie Sanders old, and suddenly it's the worst thing ever.

[@pop5678eye]

If billionaires cared about fair tax payment to society and fair wages to and treatment of workers for creating their billions in wealth they probably wouldn't be billionaires in the first place.

[@darylingoteborg3178]

I saw an interview where Elon revealed he pays 47% tax and it was going to be around 50% soon after but I think that’s personal tax so not sure what his companies do. I pay about the same but I work 16 hour days as a chef instead of ‘doing a trump’. Not sure about the other mega rich but I hope the money goes to something worthwhile 😅

[@DocRealTalk]

@@darylingoteborg3178 47% tax? What tax would that be? As far as aI know, billionaires get to set their own income because they own the company they work for. So if they want, they can legally have a minimum wage income. But their companies generate wealth in the form of capital gains, which does not get taxed like an income. So they could be earning hundreds of millions but paying tax on a $50,000 a year income. This is why they need to be taxed on any form of wealth they have at the end of the year, not simply on their "income"

[@JohnSmith-um7iy]

@@DocRealTalk Correct me if I am not, dividends from stocks are also not taxed, so even if you are paid minimum wage income you make far more from your stock holdings, and this is tax exempted.

[@darylingoteborg3178]

@@DocRealTalk yeah you’d think that at that level of income they wouldn’t mind paying a bit extra. I started looking a bit more into it but it’s hella boring and I’m more interested in what part of their investments go into development of new technologies or methods to restructure our failing systems. I’m poor and powerless so better off researching scientific innovations rather than get mad about other people’s taxes- although I’d like it to more fair since I do my part to contribute the little I can. The problem with rich people is they can afford a ton of accountants and lawyers

[@DocRealTalk]

@@JohnSmith-um7iy You're 100% correct, and they can simply use those holdings to borrow huge sums of money at 0% interest from many banks. Which is far better than even having to use their own money when they want a new private jet lol

[@juliesalander4706]

And Denmark is a big fan of yours. Good morning to you all - Love from DK

[@ItsSkepticTank]

Stephen's "Bernie Sanders" is incredibly accurate. It'll never get old

[@susanhewitt5602]

I LOVE Stephens Bernie impression, hilarious! Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

[@amoral_minority]

It's Bernie. He's already old.

[@TysonJensen]

“In space no one can hear me put my foot up your ass.” - attributed to Bernie Sanders (apocryphal)

[@MrSaviour]

"It'll never be old" Well then it ain't accurate!!

[@sr-xv4hi]

I played it over and over, ♥️Bernie✌

[@ebybeehoney]

I still want to tax billionaires back into millionaires. I'm pretty sure they can suffer with that.

[@mk1st]

I recently played the board game version of Lord of the Rings. It was interesting in that the rules encouraged the participants to make progress in the beginning but as it got towards the end progress was hindered in various ways. Made for more interesting and competitive play and prevented any single player from pulling way ahead and wiping the game. It struck me later that an economy designed that way would be more competitive and less prone to large inequality.

[@zacgrasl4229]

Why do you want to punish them For their hard work?

[@jefferypinley4336]

@@zacgrasl4229 mathematically, luck has more to do with a person becoming a billionaire than 'hard work'. The idea of meritocracy is completely delusional when it comes to the ultra rich

[@zacgrasl4229]

@@jefferypinley4336 look at Elon Musk. The man was broke. He would rent out his house just to pay the bills. He was broke for years before he created PayPal. When he sold PayPal, he invested than money into Tesla. And the rest is history

[@jefferypinley4336]

@@zacgrasl4229 Elon is a perfect example of how much luck is involved in creating ultra wealth. He was consistently in the right place at the right time. Plenty of people are as intelligent and hard working as elon, yet they will never come close to being a billionaire. His 'wealth' is almost entirely due to the stock market, something more or less out of his control

[@AloisAgos]

Billionaire wants to build his own city? Not sure how that will turn out, but I hope we at least get a new Bioshock game out of it.

[@kylegordon00]

Would you kindly...

[@LateSleeper]

...or Resident Evil. As long as the people who go into the city has to headshot the residents to get out.

[@jscotthatcher380]

well if Henry Ford is any example... it will go very very terribly also loaded with lots of human rights issues.

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

Put a beard (and hair) on the guy and he does look kinda like the older Comstock. 🤣

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

Walt Disney was going to build a whole city, namely EPCOT. A full scale urban community, with him as its benevolent dictator. He died before construction began, and the EPCOT that we ended up with is a pale shadow of Walt's insane vision.

[@lesleyghostdragon3149]

Please, oh please, make "Prime Spoiled Billionaire" a repeat character!!! Minute 6:55 Spoiled Stephen is absolutely divine, daaahhling.

[@johnconley4118]

I´m an American living in Denmark...crack a smile when he mention America idea of "utopia" is already here ;-)

[@lhpl]

Before the interview with Lore had ended, as a Dane I knew exactly what Colbert was going to say next. As did probably every Dane who saw it. And then he said it. Brilliant!

[@deborahfreedman333]

Maybe, but if you only make $9K a year, in the US, you're considered below the poverty line, and not taxed, while in Denmark you're taxed 42%.

[@lhpl]

@@deborahfreedman333 However, nobody (except part-time workers, or students supplementing their study grant from the government with some part-time work) in Denmark makes just $9000 (59710 DKR) pr year (or 5000 DKR/month). Unemployment benefits for insured people can be four times that (before tax), and even the lowest type of aid is more than twice as much (before tax, and about twice as much after.) Even the student grant or subsidy is 6321 DKR/mth (75852DKR/yr) before tax, and as there is a deductance of around 46700 DKR, a student will only pay a percentage of what is above that. Like 12000-14000 DKR I guess, leaving a bit more than 60000/yr after tax. So even our poor are rich enough to pay their tax dues. And your $9000/yr US person, how good is his or her health insurance? And how much?

[@johnconley4118]

@@deborahfreedman333 so much you don't understand..average pay after tax in 2019 was roughly 40.000 dollars a year and have gone up by 2.5%. Health Insurance, education, 6 weeks paid vacation, pension ( your pension, depending where you work can be from 7 to 17 % on top of your pay) maternity leave, sick leave already included in your taxes....average tax rate is 37% Average tax rate for the same tax bracket in America is 24%. You still have to pay for all of the above after taxes. There's a totally different world then America.

[@andersIsunesen]

@@lhpl Skulle lige til at svare, men du har været forbi. Jeg ved ikke hvor hun får 42% fra. Man kan diskutere de tal du kommer med, men de er mere eller mindre rigtige. Godt arbejde!

[@NewMessage]

"Musk has been a little prickly..." minus the 'ly'.

[@someguy79]

le mot juste

[@mjcart]

Best laugh of the day for me. Thanks.

[@charlie-obrien]

The fun part about Elon Musk is that we get to see him go slowly from Tony Stark directly to Dr Doom.

[@Justusson]

Minus the “little”. Seriously, wtf is up with him?,..

[@kelleywimberley5581]

Sorry, but I used to be a Fire Marshal and that crap ruined so many of my Thanksgivings! I would take on -call on Thanksgiving so I could take Christmas off. It’s amazing how many people couldn’t follow simple directions that state - do this outside! Just like some folks thought you can bring a Weber grill inside to cook if it is cold!!!!

[@karenconroy1860]

I'm guessing they' were wearing MAGA hats...not so bright that crowd

[@melissasaint3283]

@@karenconroy1860 I doubt this is politically linked. Horrific ignorance of safe food preparation is an equal opportunity evil.

[@shanadir]

Well, there's a reason a package of peanuts need a "may contain traces of peanuts" label... People be dumb.

[@ccggenius]

@@melissasaint3283 It might not be linked, but I would not be surprised if there were a correlation. The militant nutbags on the left are vegan, so they wouldn't have any reason to try and fry a turkey indoors or bring a charcoal grill into their living room.

[@blackeyedsusan727]

@@ccggenius Exactly. They're hosting Friendsgivings with tofurkey and other bland, unseasoned food.

[@CountryMusicMann]

So much of this monologue was absolute gold!

[@peterrimmer567]

Your kidding me

[@rodchristian1363]

Yes a gem of show ,cheers

[@chibz92]

*…was steeped in mediocrity.

[@cocorees5]

Hmm seems he has gone off Biden! Now pushing Bernie, who has more chance of being president than Kamala cackle!🤣

[@Katelyn3666]

Stephen is extra playful during this monologue and I'm loving it! Thank you to the Late show staff for doing a pre-holiday show.

[@luvmibratt]

Stephen's Bernie and Bidens impressions are always on point!

[@secondarycontainment4727]

...they're wanting?

[@luvmibratt]

@@secondarycontainment4727 what

[@Joho1208]

As a Dane I'd say Marc Lore isn't so innovative as he might think, by coming up with a 60+ year old social/economic system. But then again, many millionaires/billionaires seems to keep inventing the deep bowl over and over again.

[@dragon1130]

Not to mention, the whole, billionaire capitalist creating a city thing in the first place. That's been done many MANY times in history and has failed horribly every single time.

[@realhorrorshow8547]

I'd also note that Lore's five favourite States are all likely to become more or less uninhabitable if nothing is done about climate change. Also, wasn't Lore Data's evil twin?

[@lucasharvey8990]

Yeah, sounds about right. Oh look, the McRib is back.

[@Operatinshuset]

As a Swede, I had the exact same reaction. There’s nothing ‘futuristic’ about ‘Telosa’… It’s just the Nordic in a nutshell…

[@lexslate2476]

Useless billionaire techbros are well-known for pretending they're innovators by addressing problems with solutions that are half-assed at best, but shinier. And none of their henchmen tell them they're full of crap because when you work for someone that rich, their approval matters more to your career than the success of any of their pointless little hobby projects.

[@parpar3]

Equal access to education, healthcare and transportation: every city in Europe.

[@x5775]

Like most industrialized nations across the planet!

[@nicolasmunk-rechnitzer9674]

Land of the (not so) free

[@KingSB]

actually it's not that good. Europe is overrated. Only a few countries in Europe are actually worth living in, ie Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Denmark, Netherlands and the Nordics. Others are shit. As someone from France, believe me.

[@BlankyLover9000]

@@KingSB I hear people is France never have to work a day in their lives if they go to school and they'll get everything paid for and have savings around 9k

[@KingSB]

@@BlankyLover9000 that is not exactly true. Healthcare and most primary education is free for all, and healthcare is really really good. But the education and work ethic here is trash, when I went to University of Colorado, as an exchange student for one semester I was astonished that the education was so great, and the work ethics of Americans is great too. Apart from healthcare I wouldn't say that other things are better here, like education and opportunities in US, transportation in Germany, Living standards in Norway. And even for that healthcare the taxes too high and complicated. And most french are anti immigration and don't even want to work themselves. And yeah a part of EU is cool too.

[@jamesl9371]

Everyone gets equal education and housing and health care. Or like most developed countries that aren’t the USA

[@lhpl]

I hope someone is kind enough to tell Marc Lore, that just as Tumpe could not buy Greenland, because it isn't for sale, he can't buy Denmark, as we are _also_ NOT FOR SALE. Given how I understand Walmart treats its employees, and how they have failed to become established in Europe, because of a total lack of understanding how things work here, with strong unions etc, I don't think that guy is the best person to create such a "thing". It would be far more effective if he for example gave the company to his employees, creating a worker owned cooperative. But it is as obvious as ever that rich people don't actually crave money, but crave power. Good old-fashioned feudalistic power. The sooner they leave the planet the better!

[@mk1st]

Put 'em in a pit and let them duke it out like an old school Star Trek episode.

[@charlie-obrien]

I guess he feels that a gated community just isn't big enough to keep the riff-raff out.

[@jorgegonzalez-larramendi5491]

well: rasPutKGBin is buying the USA. cheap !

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

100% right

[@lindaward3156]

Stephen, there's a silver lining from your no audience time. You've been on fire since they've returned. However, you're not the same - you're even funnier and more charming (do people say that anymore?) than ever. The audience has you glowing, it comes across and l love it, plus your camera play game is tight! 😁☮

[@tobiramasenju6290]

Nah this episode was definitely different. He picked up the pace and didn't wait for the laughs.

[@Sjalabais]

Watching this show every day, I got to say, this episode shines. Perfect vibe, all jokes spot on, learned something, and really got everything I wanted out of those 11 minutes.

[@tenestetubo]

"Bezos watching the grapes of wraths". that was great, lol. Come to think of think of it , I wonder if Elon Musk has ever watch it too.

[@garethspotfur1]

We all know how telosias Equality would really work. “Everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others.”

[@mostmelon]

Yeah. “Everyone’s equal, buuuuuuut… someone’s gotta be in charge. May as well be me.”

[@shawnwales696]

Excellent Animal Farm reference!

[@garethspotfur1]

@@shawnwales696 thank you! :)

[@shermanculbertson6244]

Stephen’s Bernie Sander impression is spot on.

[@Godric_71]

I love his President Biden too.

[@lizabethrobison4566]

@@Godric_71 yeah, Jack!

[@Godric_71]

@@lizabethrobison4566 😂🤣😂 😎🏍💨👍

[@murmurmerman]

Took you this long to notice?

[@jamedraa8472]

Its Hilarious!

[@martramT]

About people living in space vs earth, the TV series "The Expanse" really nailed it. In summary, the poorest people live in space in overcrowded mining stations. Scientists descendants live on mars, but still live in hardship. The richest people get to live in the best environment available, earth. That might be something like that, that Bezos envisions, I mean it's hard to believe that he is part of a "we" considering how he treats his own employees.

[@ericminch]

"Yessirree, poor people, step right up, that's right, into the rocket ship now. You get a free ride into space, just like us billionaires have been doing. Absolutely free. Step right up."

[@suzyinstitches273]

Living in space and visiting earth only occasionally leads to a skeleton that is too soft. We need gravity. ISS astronauts returning to earth are carried from their splashdown sites, as they can’t walk.

[@stephaniegreenwood4007]

Or… Walmart just can create equality by actually paying and treating all of their employees like humans.

[@leehyde4132]

John Steinbeck once said that socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.

[@ampleoloruntogbe1434]

Growing up and before the internet days, I thought every white American was really rich or at least middle class and only minorities were poor because of slavery and all the other BS. I always thought everyone in the US at some point would be a millionaire living great. Thank goodness for the internet 😅

[@kaavi1391]

It never took root in America because people know what happened in true socialist countries like ussr , mao' china or pol pot's Cambodia.

[@mcrestwood7378]

@@kaavi1391 trumps vision for the USA.

[@Dain75]

@@kaavi1391 those countries were never truly socialist. They had dictatorships and the dictator said, hey we are socialist.

[@kaavi1391]

@@Dain75 " hey you don't understand. Those past 50 socialist countries that were absolute disasters were not socialist despite the fact that they eliminated private ownership of production , nationalised industries and collectivised farms . This time we will do the socialism the right way and it will totally not result in another disaster "

[@ThurstanHethorn]

Billionaire: “imagine a place where you pay taxes and get services for those taxes” The people: “that’s what we are doing now… what is it you are doing?” Billionaire: …

[@krejados1]

That's been a constant source of wonderment for me. People pay more in taxes than citizens of many other countries but receive far less for their tax dollars. Why is that?

[@facepalm015]

To be fair, the "billionaire" did say "GET". lol

[@charlie-obrien]

@@krejados1 We do pay more and get less. But we can say with pride that we have the world's largest military, 5 times over.

[@realhorrorshow8547]

@UCLVHzkzGN5DMV8Ya0yTTBGg Are you a billionaire? If not, wait and see how much they pay you for being a suck-up. Edit: Well, look at how that reply @ went weird. Maybe Mr Drew McCabe "Joined 23 Nov 2021" isn't a real person?

[@iKingRPG]

That doesn't make any sense. Billionaires do pay taxes, stop getting your news from a comedian.

[@cscottzimnamaste]

That pic of Bezos "seen here watching The Grapes Of Wrath". Dead.

[@lazyperfectionist1]

🤔 Hmm. A country where _everyone_ gets _equal_ opportunity? That's an interesting idea. Maybe we should try something like that right here on _Earth._ Oh, wait!

[@danahun]

A second before Stephen said "that´s Denmark" I was thinking, that sounds like the country I´m living in: Denmark.

[@margareteraab3899]

Lucky you.

[@lhpl]

Every sane Dane who saw that interview had that thought and knew what Colbert's next line would be.

[@Shuizid]

Equitism - paying the same taxes, but getting more service... It sounds so cute, coming from someone who barely pays taxes and already can afford the best service. Also I know billionaires aren't used to paying taxes, but moving to another city doesn't mean I can stop paying taxes to the state and instead just hand it over to the landlord, ehm dictator, ehm "billionaire who owns the place and calls it a city".

[@maniak1768]

Knock knock. It's Ayn Rand. She got up from her grave and wants her moronic premise of 'Atlas shrugged' back.

[@GerSHAK]

+

[@HylianFox3]

@@maniak1768 It's basically Galt's Gulch... but with taxes. Ayn Rand must be spinning in her grave, huh?

[@maniak1768]

@@HylianFox3 That's okay with me, as long as nobody pretends that this was great literature! :)

[@MTMF.london]

@Wary Trout Ants in your pants?

[@samuelhamblin7535]

Stephen's billionaire impression is hilarious he should have reoccurring billionaire props like he has with Biden's aviators. Get him a monocle or something.

[@karenwatkins655]

No, he gets a folding chair and handmade mittens. Check out the Biden inauguration!

[@jacklovejoy5290]

@@karenwatkins655 That's Bernie, not billionaire

[@Snapsepaven1]

Agreed. That was too good not to keep around for more 😂

[@malavoy1]

He sounded just like Mr. Howell on "Gilligan's Island". I could hear 'lovey' in the background yelling 'what do you mean 2 wives'. 😁😁

[@baileyboy5253]

sounded like a great thurston howell III

[@matthewkoch6937]

That was a hilarious and spot-on "Thurston Howell" impression. Jim Backus would be proud. Also, I think sending egotistical, out-of-touch rich people into space is a wonderful idea. We just have to make sure they stay there.

[@WeeNiallism]

They don’t want to leave the poor behind. They want the poor to live on their labour stations. They’ll stay here.

[@ilovefunnyamv2nd]

except the poor will have to pay to commute to the labor stations. Rocket fuel ain't THAT cheap y'know. so anyways thats 60% of your wages right back to the company. Taxes? that's a You problem.

[@jocomfiresin6982]

Nah... After technology has advanced enough they will either see us as obsolete and kill us all or we will become their entertainment in some form. It's more likely that a higher class will make a space city and then they will film the idiots of earth and drive them to wars.

[@shawnwales696]

People ought to reexamine the company town phenomenon in the 19th & early 20th centuries if they want to see how that goes. Hint: not well.

[@whatabouttheearth]

Musk can't be compared to Bezos, what SpaceX is doing with Starbase and Starship is mind blowing. Starship will be the most powerful and tallest rocket ever kzbin.info/www/bejne/inrZYnxto9iMqMU And SpaceX has the contract for the ARTEMIS III lunar lander.

[@MTMF.london]

@Wary Trout Stephen's got under your skin?

[@MsPrincesspaulina]

Stephen earns a thumbs up like from me for his Bernie impression.

[@laurawillits176]

It gave Bernie a way to say to Musk what he really needed to say. Felt good.

[@klipschorny]

@Eredin Glas lulz stay mad

[@chrissiek8706]

@Eredin Glas Elon gave enough shit to respond to a tweet, that he wasn't even tagged in, Bernie was talking about billionaires at large, but that seem to hurt itty wity Musk, m?

[@zebrazagadore4827]

"...tell us why you deserve to be treated equally...more than other people do."

[@CyanideCarrot]

"I have money" ACCEPTED

[@jackson857]

Can't make this shit up.

[@pro-choicemom]

It's not about them being rich. It's about the amount of profit kept when the profit is made by the workers. The billionaires take & take & take. When these corps screw up they go to daddy Fed & we pay for their greed. If your employees cant afford rent & food, need other gov't services for healthcare then the federal gov't has to subsidize those low wages--- well, they're not justifying unregulated capitalism if the mostly middle class has to pay for it; we know the wealthy class don't pay taxes. Capitalism is supposed to ensure government doesn't have to pay so much for social services. That's not the case is it? So either pay living wages or pay higher taxes to pay back the gov't for your failure to provide for your workers. So either embrace more socialism or pay for the labor you exploit.

[@D9xAbstract]

Well said

[@theinvisiblequeen]

Bravo!

[@gilmoremccoy6930]

I absolutely agree with this assessment! I will never understand why non rich people believe in and place trust in millionaires and billionaires to do the right and fair thing for the public good. That's not their nature, not even to pay their fair taxes!

[@Vaughan4]

Excellent summation!

[@ra5928]

Elon isn't popular here in Silicon Valley. Not because he moved. He moved so he didn't have to pay his fair share of taxes. Of course he will never move his plant because there are two great electric car companies waiting for him to do that. He didn't build that plant. it has been an automobile plant since 1962. He's not popular here because of low wages and long hours. Thus the quality problems with Tesla cars.

[@maniak1768]

If Musk, Bezos and that other guy (who's name I won't be bothered to remember) had their way, we'd live in a world that makes 'Blade Runner' look like a f***ing utopia.

[@elenachristian9860]

Accurate.

[@gammaphoenix5893]

Excuse me. Have you actually seen the democratic run states recently. I am pretty sure Elon's city would be better than the democRATS for zure

[@maniak1768]

@@gammaphoenix5893 As if name-calling or whataboutism are to be considered serious arguments on anything, they are only a mere distraction for a lack of serious arguments on your side. As if Democratic incompetence would in any way excuse a plutocratic or authoritarian form government which are the only available alternatives to the admittedly corporatist Democratic Party in current American political 'discourse'. I get it, your political system is absolute garbage and I wouldn't live in the US of A if I was offered a million bucks. Last time I visited NYC it was like visiting a giant open air social experiment and less like visiting a society that could actually exist for more than a few decades in real life. Not because it was socialism or a liberal hell hole, but because of the rampant social disparities and the crushing and disgusting misery I've never even seen before, and I have been to the Banlieus of Paris and Marseille before. Nothing compared to this. I thought I had seen much, but I was proven wrong when we went to NJ. Also the open display of wealth in NYC was just appalling. You should have a decent parliamentary system with more than two options and that would be the only way you get out of this mess. Both political parties in the US are center-right from my perspective, the Republican Party would be a case of investigation for undermining the constitution and right-wing hate speech in my country. America's open flirt with fascism doesn't really come as a surprise considering this. People like Elon Musk though are probably one of the reasons you'll never get out of this slippery slope for the only sake of serving their repulsive greed. These people constantly threw sand in the gears to obstruct American society from forging something like a reasonable social contract for the average folks.

[@harley3282]

When I see a picture of Jeff Bezos I think "Oh no Lex Luther is back, where is Superman when we need him." I would love to see Henry Cavill beating up Bezos.

[@JoshuaWillis89]

Same

[@chrisdraper1290]

At least Tom welling

[@SpaceForceCommander]

The obvious move is to fry your turkey outdoors, and only use less than half the frying container of oil, and have the fire brigade standing nearby (perhaps shirtless while posing for a calendar if that floats your boat).

[@timothydavis9181]

I met a guy once who decided to change the oil in his car himself. He drained it, changed the filter and filled it with oil. All the way to the top. 6 gallons. 4 gallons and 3 quarts too much. At least he tried.

[@benzminibusdoc]

In my view the realization of Bezos' idea of having children grow up to eventually never experience earth would be a crime against humanity

[@jefferypinley4336]

I'm also surprised no ever consider how our bodies are evolved based on the earth's gravity. Living on Mars our bodies will fall apart due to its low gravity

[@halphantom2274]

Spoiled "throw away after use" mentality. Happens, when you have never learned to live in equilibrium with your environment, be it social or ecological.

[@alembess9129]

I shuddered at the thought of children being born in Mars and never have to enjoy Earth.

[@alembess9129]

@@jefferypinley4336I was thinking, if evolution is also true in Mars, then perhaps humans born and living there will have become true Martians.

[@jasonolson3133]

There is nothing on earth but corruption mars would be a new hope

[@LittleBananaJoe]

I’d rather talk 10 hours straight abt paw patrol than share a table with the ivermectin gobblers for a single minute.

[@vgaportauthority9932]

Same.

[@lynnpayne9519]

Watch out, the apple flavored one is in the stuffing.

[@ItRemindMeOfHome]

@@jamesk7063... Yes, Ivermectin rules... Specifically, rule 1: It is an antiparastic, not an antiviral. It cannot treat covid And rule 2: It can make you go blind if you take too much of it

[@charlie-obrien]

@@jamesk7063 Yes, Ivermectin rules... If you have a pig with diarrhea.

[@murmurmerman]

Clicked on this video for the sole reason that the thumbnail was Stephen's Bernie impression... it was short, but the rest of the segment did not disappoint :)

[@SpaceForceCommander]

If planes are (going to be) full, expect a Duct Tape shortage!

[@bonitahobbs2097]

WHEW Good one❗❗❗

[@GigiTupas]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, Stephen, Family, and The whole Team of The Late Show and all of yiur loved ones. Thank you for the gift of laughter and love!

[@KitaBelle23]

Man! if these billionaires don't have anything better to do with their billions, I know a lot of vulnerable women could use the help.

[@gammaphoenix5893]

Yeah. Go to only fans. Or actually work like the other men do

[@batgurrl]

Great monologue but the Bernie Sanders impression was the absolute highlight - where is my damn soup? As a Brooklynite, I say well fu**Ing done

[@CarolinaMedinaDupaix]

Love his Bernie impressions.

[@strangewayfaringstranger]

Me too, and I love Bernie.

[@jimgorycki4013]

I remember having Thanksgiving and Christmas over my grandparent's house. 10 adults. 2 of them were relegated to the kids table, even extending the main table.

[@xavieramo]

"...why you deserve to be treated equally more than other people do." Great way to reference Animal Farm by Greorge Orwell

[@ourv9603]

WHAT? Billionaires are too just like us.' Why, their man servants put their pants on them one leg at a time, just like us. !

[@LeftIsBest001]

"....Geoff Bezos, seen here watching The Grapes of Wrath.." 😆🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@secondarycontainment4727]

Colbert, imagine cops showing up and wanting to be there with you. =FANTASY

[@tobiramasenju6290]

Did you guys notice Stephen Colbert has ticked up the pacing of his monolog. He's now taking the John Oliver approach of not slowing down when the laughs roll in.

[@ariandynas]

When it comes to comedy, speed kills. In a good way.

[@zubee1]

I think they might have been reading the comments. He was so annoying as he stood around and sucked up applause every night. Reminded me of Wendy Williams.

[@JB-gt5ws]

I miss the old way

[@StanTheMan-us3tp]

You do know that the laughs are on cue right

[@beth8775]

I like it

[@leahbiffin8432]

Telos is the planet of the Cybermen in Doctor Who. Telosians were once human but became the Cybermen through medical upgrades. Maybe they want to rethink that name...

[@krejados1]

@Niamh De Na Crainn Arda My thoughts exactly!

[@laurawatters914]

Stephen does an excellent impression of Bernie Sanders!! 😆 You are hilarious!! Everyone have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving tomorrow 😊💓✌️

[@danapaul3216]

It’s not as good as Seth’s but Seth went to camp so…

[@laurawatters914]

@@danapaul3216 Seth does it pretty good too!! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving 😊✌️

[@dancingcloudlew4311]

On this Day, we should remember, we're all Americans, no matter what the enemy says or does, we're all Americans, now and forever. Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone 💗

[@joilisch]

Woah! I had NO IDEA I was an american?! I could've voted for Bernie and no one told me I was american T3T I was always told I was a Swede, why has no one told me before now T3T (I'm sorry, I had to! Happy Day to you!)

[@cocorees5]

Hope Bernie takes all of his money!

[@jonathangwilliams6825]

I think we have finally found an acceptable name for the New York Braves! Please welcome, the New York Ratbears!

[@omegamike21411]

Whoever wrote the “recreating the movie backdraft with a butterball” joke needs a raise, literally lmfao

[@Speedster___]

A raise to the noose?

[@grmpEqweer]

Wow. I'm a vegan, but...I wonder what would happen if I stuffed a still-frozen turkey with fireworks and lit it up. I'm wondering if the turkey would launch, if I set it up correctly.

[@IMSiegfried]

@@grmpEqweer You've got too much time on your hands or your mind or both. lol

[@smisma4600]

The new monologue usually gets uploaded at ca. 6 am where I live and I always wake up and eat breakfast while watching it.

[@chrisdissident]

My bedtime stories

[@marisolaquino719]

A great way to start your day. Also to end a day

[@Labor_Jones]

*The RICH The WEALTHY The BILLIONAIRES....* _'It has never been about work, but about take all you can, anyway you can, no matter at whose cost, Nation, Family, or Honor.'_ mfg - THANKSGIVING has nothing to do with America when it comes to Wealth.

[@dannyrobert1382]

I feel like Bezos has never read any science fiction. If you're born on a planet with different gravity and atmosphere, you're going to have different bone density, skin sensitivity, etc. It would be very difficult to "just visit earth" if you were born on and grew up on, say, the moon

[@id10t98]

Rich people arent necessarily smart, they've merely convinced investors and banks to believe in an idea or two of theirs and made insane money. The only difference between the Sous Chef and the Owner of the restaurant is the access to capital.

[@shawnwales696]

Obviously he's never watched The Expanse (nor read the books the TV series is based on.)

[@Matthew_Murray]

Billionaire creating his own city focus on capitalism, that really sound like he wants to bring Company Towns back

[@emjayay]

It's complete nonsense, even more nonsensical than Elon's Teslas on skateboard tunnels or his vacuum tube trains.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

Thankfully, they'll have Robocop to patrol New Detroit, and when you get hungry you can always go climbing for dollars before you get sentenced to a night on The Running Man for listening to black market BeeGees albums

[@cmdraftbrn]

turn america back into china. thats nothing new. also walt disney "tried" that idea. it didnt work.

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

And that he needs to open up.a history book and look up Forlandia

[@blackeyedsusan727]

But don't you remember all the GOOD that the East India Company and the United Fruit Company did!!?! 😵😵☠️

[@stevenandreasen1553]

"Seen here watching the grapes of wrath." Tough but fair.

[@TheDreadfulCurtain]

That one got an oof from me. Much truth especially with the using the toilet at the side of the road, union busting and homelessness.

[@petercharlier9796]

Colbert did an absolutely moving performance /impression of the very unforgettable Thirsting Howl (Giligan's Island) in his billionaire sketch.

[@dianacasey6002]

Omg this was soooo much fun. Love Stephen his delivery is fantastic.

[@Bramble451]

"Everyone's flying Spirit Airlines?" Every airline has become Spirit Airlines.

[@markberryhill2715]

You don't have to fly to Las Vegas to see a fight anymore, just fly Spirit!

[@laalaa99stl]

Amazon planet should be called... Earth Prime.

[@RabblesTheBinx]

I think DC Comics would sue.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Amazon Planet is where they have Snu Snu.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

Jeff Bezos just literally described the future as the plot to Space Pirate Captain Harlock

[@simongiles9749]

See Doctor Who episode "Kablam!"

[@nathanlawson313]

No one has ever "earned" a billion dollars. If someone makes 480k/yr, they are doing extremely well. To make 1 billion in one year: you have to make 480k/hr, for 40hr/wk, for 52weeks/year. 480k/hr is absurd. No profession is worth that.

[@dr.g3860]

It’s not wage income that makes people billionaires, it’s capital gains.

[@jaimicottrill2831]

You have to do it by taking advantage of your employees, and cutting costs in regards to health and safety, and shitting all over the environment. Then you can maybe become a billionaire. Plus you need a “small” loan from your family like ,oh, a million dollars maybe.

[@mk1st]

Yes, after a point it's not what any sane person would call "work".

[@BellaWorldAni]

Sometimes it's good to have extremely clear examples of how NOT to be. Thanks, Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk!

[@andrewparker318]

What the hell did Elon Musk ever do? As one of the few billionaires who actually pays taxes, it’s absurd he ever got pulled into these arguments!

[@Taffoman]

"If you want to pay same amount of taxes but get the best social security in the world..." Move to any of the nordic countries. Really. My American friends, we welcome industrious and genuine people. Weather is like in Michigan but there is space and freedom you've never experienced before.

[@carosadventures3253]

I had a jar of peanut butter confiscated b/c it was a liquid. I think someone needs to go back to elementary school b/c that is not a liquid. When I told him it wasn’t a liquid he said it was spreadable so it was a liquid!! I totally forgot liquids like water are spreadable!! Who makes these rules??

[@family26ful]

Peanut butter?? Why do you need that on a plane?

[@carosadventures3253]

@@family26ful haha, good question. I bought it while on vacation for my breakfast and didn’t want to throw it out so was bringing it back with me. Not sure why I decided to put it in my carry on. Probably just b/c it fit. Needless to say I ended up not getting to keep it so it went to waste anyways.

[@melissasaint3283]

I imagine the real problem is that theyre looking for disguised accelerants?

[@family26ful]

@@melissasaint3283 sounds like a beat poetry group

[@melissasaint3283]

@@family26ful hah!

[@whitneyoneal2360]

I for one am glad that Bernie and Elizabeth are still in the senate rather than in the White House. They can do a lot more damage control

[@Balon-Breakspear]

If YOU paid the same taxes as everyone else we would have the best social services in the world.

[@raksugi]

“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others” - Animal Farm aka Telosa

[@scottnunnemaker5209]

Just rename cranberry “sauce” to what it actually is, cranberry jelly, and you can take it on planes. Sauce makes it sound like a liquid. What other sauce is completely jelly?

[@trutle88]

Truly disgusting some “sauces” can just be labeled as anything it wants

[@markstevens1729]

I’ve see gravy that would be better called “phlegm with chunks.”

[@Zuraneve]

It would be interesting to see if the phrase "peanut butter and sauce sandwich" would catch on...

[@Shuizid]

Why does the TSA even care? Is there a plane-destroying formular using cranberry-sauce, I am not aware of?

[@scottnunnemaker5209]

@@Shuizid the liquid stuff is about limiting the size of containers to be smaller than what they consider the smallest size to contain a critical explosive.

[@hamlet1018]

Let's treat the rich people like piñatas. We all know the only way you are going to get anything out of them is with a stick. People don't seem to understand that their are billions of us, and only hundreds of them.

[@elenachristian9860]

I'm OK with this plan.

[@bryandovbergman5654]

Fuck that killed me. "Bezos seen here watching the grapes of wrath." Even better than a Dr Evil joke

[@timothydavis9181]

I wonder how much the application costs to apply to this equal life? Is this a millionaire only application? Or possibly high ranking professionals? Scientists, doctors, lawyers? Who is going to cook on bus tables in the restaurants? Deal with trash removal, teach school children? And what can they expect to get paid? The poverty wages they currently receive?

[@emjayay]

Yes, it's a transparently stupid fantasy.

[@Shuizid]

Good point. I assume all these low-income peasents are gonna get flown in from Mexico. After all, the billionaires want to pay the same taxes as they do now - and last time I checked, "nothing" can't buy you much.

[@Nobody_Nowhere_Never]

As long as we're just demanding or calling out or analyzing or mocking or shocked or hoping - nothing will change. Action is required.

[@CyberAngel573]

1:18 And I can already hear a Karen going "I have to deal with unruly passengers? I want to talk to your manager!"

[@SeansModelBuilds]

Tell Karen "I'm not carin'!"

[@donlucchese7280]

I suggest to the billionaires that they all fly themselves into space and stay there permanently.

[@D9xAbstract]

Oh they want too.

[@charlie-obrien]

They can't get away from us mud people fast enough. Elon's already got his getaway car in orbit.

[@patricktuorto]

Don Lucchese - your life is infinitely better off because of billionaires.

[@donlucchese7280]

@@patricktuortono, i'm pretty convinced that's a a big fat lie right there. It's actually worse because of them. It's fine to have millions, heck! Hundreds of millions should suffice. You could not spend such amount of money in ten lifetimes. It would be better if they could just pile up less money people that people make them, and instead they could give better wages and working conditions for their workers. Because we all know that billions comes from exploatation of somebody, somewhere in the world at some point. Outsourcing doesn't make life of an Asian better, instead it is some sort of slavery.

[@patricktuorto]

​@@donlucchese7280 Yep, life isn't fair. But don't be so hard on Billionaires, after all, the reason why they don't pay what many today incorrectly refer to their "fair share" of taxes is because they create workers that the government can now take money from. If government wasn't so heavy handed on regulations then perhaps some of those off-shore jobs can come back to the states. Billionaires are putting profits back into the companies they own to buy the materials, pay their employees so Biden can take "said" employees hard earned money (YOUR hard earned money) and put it into his infrastructure scheme and other government projects. (NOT to say Biden's plan is a bad idea because we need a public works overhaul and that takes tax money) Guys like Bezos and Musk hate 'em or not help make this possible by generation a tax revenue for government to work with. In short, Billionaires will never pay taxes and will always be exempt because government knows that without Billionaires, their tax source disappears, hence a free market capitalist society is the backbone to innovation, a strong military and the key to implementing social programs and ratifies the social contract between citizen and country.

[@someone_one_one]

Elon musk is literally becoming a gundam villain

[@Opus313]

"Wow! That just makes me want to do it more!" I completely agree with Stephen!

[@tristanthorndykesrocknroll3082]

What bugs me about that whole thing is that the people who did it were trying to make the product seem dangerous while not seeming to understand fluid mechanics and how liquid displacement works.

[@sophierobinson2738]

Stephen being a billionaire sounded like Thurston Howell III.

[@jjt1881]

My favorite was Ellon Musk's public owning, beginning at 5:45

[@skippystarz9167]

The Bernie impression is so on point! I could listen to you do that for an entire episode 🤣🤣🤣🤣😍

[@AbsoluteSkycaptain]

I can hear that Bernie impression through the thumbnail.

[@joannejohnson7006]

Great form Stephen! Happy Thanksgiving to you, you family, Jon and all your amazing team 😊

[@cocorees5]

You are such a shleep the guy is as funny as a colonoscopy!

[@maodonimega]

Why don't these billionaires dream big for the people on earth? As in making life better here.

[@tomsgrexit]

Unfortunately they just don't care enough..

[@charlie-obrien]

True. Instead of finding a new planet....how about saving this one, or instead of your new Utopian city, why not help revitalize a currently distressed American town.... I tell you why, because then the selfish bastards couldn't control the thing like they were royalty. And when Stephen says, "They're not like us" he really means, "They don't like us."

[@patricktuorto]

@maodonimega - They do, your life is infinitely better off because of Bezos.

[@StormyDog]

One of them is trying to do just that.

[@charlie-obrien]

@@StormyDog Which one? And since you bring it up, why only one?