College Ruined Singing For Me

[@marindak5180]

Dating a car guy in college, driving around, I started singing to the radio. Guy asks, who sings this, I say [insert artist here] and Guy says Then let them sing it. Yeah, we broke up.

[@Carole1989]

My brother pulled this crap on me when we were growing up. It sucks.

[@songindarkness]

What a prize d1ck

[@daalelli]

I had someone on the school bus do this to me. It's such a terrible thing to hear.

[@LoveEntwined]

My sister's boyfriend said this to me a few Christmases ago when I was visiting family. I felt humiliated and I don't think I talked the rest of the visit.

[@zrasabba]

To be fair to everyone who complimented you before college, a kid having a pretty singing voice is very different than a potential professional with actual training. You could be good at singing by church standards but not musical theater standards. They're really different things.

[@marymarymillidweeb2661]

Agreed, also the people complimenting were probably not good judges of a good voice and OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE!!!

[@WarGamerGirl]

To be fair, everyone who had complimented your voice... probably just genuinely enjoyed your singing =)

[@DigitalViscosity]

I'm a music performance grad myself, I understand the objective view the professor had to take. I seen a lot of self taught musicians not make it after spending 3 years in the university. It's not to be mean it's to be realistic, because, it helps nobody if they cannot have repertoire prepared to meet the standard of the final juried exam(it's like a recital you play in front of the faculty and they judge you based on the difficulty, technique, sound, musicality. The music must be played at a very high level to pass at the final level).

[@jenniferknatters3263]

You addressed the fact that you've recovered some of your ability to just sing constantly as you go through your life, but you never addressed the fact that the people who'd been telling child and teenage you that you were a good singer weren't lying or sugar coating (except the 3hrs singing instructor who, as you mentioned, had both training and a specific reason not to crush your hopes and dreams) your perceived singing talent but genuinely perceived your singing as good, in a way that a classically trained singing instructor couldn't? A hothouse long stem rose is a thing of beauty but so is a wild rose with only five petals, growing in a hedge. And wild roses smell amazing.

[@Lupeportias]

Girl!!! I spent 7 years.. yes.. SEVEN YEARS studying cinema only to realize that I liked watching movies not making them... it took a while to find my calling in web development, did that for 15 years and now I'm moving on to management... we grow, we change, we adapt.. 😁

[@cheekymunki6]

As an undiagnosed autistic child, I wish I had known that singing all the time was a form of stimming; something I *needed*. I stopped after hearing a judgy "why are you singing all the time?", and life was just that bit tougher without that happy, regulating outlet. I hope you get your joy of singing back soon. 💜

[@orionova]

I didn't know that singing can be stimming. I'm a late diagnosed autistic and I have sung all my life. I sing when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored. I just sing.

[@cheekymunki6]

@@orionova Yeah singing stimulates the vagus nerve, which is why/how it's regulating. Some people just hum, but it's the same effect. The vibrations of the vocal cords, the breath control, the repetition of a familiar song, the stimulating of the parasympathetic nervous system.... It's the stim that keeps giving. 😝

[@leilasmila]

Not autistic, but I still feel this ❤

[@shannenmartele5131]

Not just a autistic thing, bug a Neurodiverse thing

[@elisabethsparman5292]

There’s nothing wrong with feeling happy when you’re singing. Or singing so that you feel happy. Birds also sing to bring joy to the world and to show their joy.

[@bobbie9066]

Knowing this, I am so grateful and so touched you've included bits of you singing on your sewing channel. Thank you for trusting us with that.

[@angielovett4159]

I love your honesty. I had an high school art teacher that didn’t like my art. She thought I was very ordinary. I didn’t realize I had any artistic talent-until I was in my 50’s. Because I believed (due to her lack of encouragement) that I had no artistic ability. She was wrong. It took me signing up for an art class (via Zoom) a few years ago to realize I have a bunch of artistic abilities. It’s funny what you can find out, when you attempt things with no expectations of being any good. Now I let the joy of the process guide me and I’m always surprised by what I can do!

[@dawnmoriarty9347]

School art teachers are strange in my experience. They say stuff like "paint a tile design" without teaching about design, layout, how to hold a paintbrush. I felt inadequate for decades until I got some genuine teaching and realised I love it

[@AshNight1214]

As a voice teacher, I apologize for my peers who seem to enjoy making students feel bad about their voices. I did my Bachelor's in opera and then stopped performing for like... 5-7 years because I stopped enjoying it as much. The academic burnout is REAL. I can totally relate to feeling better when in head voice - I'm AuDHD and had a teacher tell me it was safer to sing in head voice, so I sang EVERYTHING in head voice (like down to E3). For what it's worth, (now being an MT pedagogue) I think you have a lovely voice and I'm happy that you enjoy spontaneously singing again!

[@KathleenScozzari]

Had a friend in college…amazing folk voice. He actually sang at our wedding. Anyway, I asked him why he didn’t major in music. He said because then it would be a “job” and he enjoyed it too much to make it work.

[@henriettelinkshanderin1449]

That's why I don't sew for money. It would ruin the joy.

[@joannaswanson5753]

I was the same way, I played clarinet in high school and college and someone once asked if I was going to play professionally. Nope!

[@SLorraineE]

Yah. That's why I always say no when people suggest I do craft fairs

[@knitpiks587]

Sounds like a very smart person.

[@elisabethmontegna5412]

As someone who spent many years in a very rigorous academic environment, I hear what you are saying here about appreciating an honest assessment and how important they are to being able to grow and make improvements, HOWEVER, something I realized (after far, far too long) was this: inadequate people are not accepted into the program that require auditions (or interviews or have a stringent application process). Acceptance into the program and not getting kicked out along the way means you have, at the least, the program's baseline level of "good." No matter what they said about how "not good" you are or how much you need to improve upon, people who were truly bad at singing do not get into a program that requires an audition after missing their audition time and then singing the wrong style of music. Which is to say, you are a good singer. You were a good singer before you got there because otherwise you would have failed the audition and you were an even better singer when you finished because otherwise you would not have graduated. It's tragic that they made you feel otherwise before you even started the program.

[@jenchan4817]

I don’t think that all the people who told you that you were great at singing before the college interview were lying to you, I think they just not as heavily train as the chair who honestly pointed out that your singing ability was ok, but not up to his standards. It’s just most people don’t really notice or care about the minute technical details that people at that level will obsess over. I’m not a music person. I can carry a tune decently enough. I’ve been a welcome member in choirs. but not a soloist. I’ve also been a ringer in churches where the cantor wanted to encourage the congregation to sing more. And I can tell how bad it is when drunk people are doing karaoke. So I am definitely not tone deaf and unable to differentiate bad and decant singing. Many years ago, I worked in the music industry. I primarily was doing graphic for the CD labels and covers, but because the company was so small, I had to be a bit of a jack-of-all-trades and assist on the music side of things. So this one time, after a performance we’d done a live recording of, a bunch of the singers were complaining about things like a moment when a not was off by like a quarter or some-such minutia. The director was telling them it was good anyway, but they were obsessing. So I explained to them that more average people like me, couldn’t tell that a note hadn’t been sung absolutely perfectly as it was written on a piece of paper we often didn’t even see (I had that particular time, but the audience hadn’t.) We weren’t listening for musical precision, we were listening for the beauty. Things like emotional content. Now I’m not saying there isn’t value in learning the technical skills. I do art, so it’s easier for me to talk about the value of technical skils in that context. I am able to draw realism, I can paint detailed realistic things. It is a skill a somewhat regularly revisit to keep in practice. But when I’m doing what I think of my serious painting, they are fairly abstract or stylized. The skills I have from doing realism help me to control how I those abstract paintings come out, but I am not aiming for technical perfection. So, back to my point. Those people who said you were good before the director were probably mostly responding to how listening to you sing made them feel, and just didn’t focus on or have the background to perceive the technical flaws that the chair of the department, who presumably has a PhD in the subject, noticed and commented about.

[@daalelli]

I love that part about how listening to Charlie probably made them feel good. That is such an important takeaway.

[@tinagleeson7813]

Dear Charlie - hearing you say that your mother used to wake you up by singing "Good Mornin'!" from Singing In The Rain, gave me goosebumps, because MY mother used to do the same thing!! She would sing "Good Mornin', good mornin', you've slept the whole night through"!!! LOL I suspect that I'm close to twice your age, but it seems that "musical mothers" may be timeless!! Thanks!!

[@astone3871]

I used to sing just that thing at a small summer camp for about a dozen teens. They would try to stay awake all night so they wouldn’t have to get up for breakfast. The teens complained about my singing, but a Vietnam vet (camp counselor) said he enjoyed my singing, it was much easier to wake up to than reveille. I get mixed reviews all the time, but I have never had any voice lessons. The only thing that stops me from singing in church as much any more is as I age my voice is cracking a lot more and it is embarrassing to do that in front of a congregation.

[@marvellousmrsmoller]

@@astone3871 I used to lead the singing in church. Having grown up with women leading the singing who warbled and went off note, I have asked my family to tell me if my voice begins to do that and I will stop. I got covid. I stopped. I occasionally sing at home now, letting the constant soundtrack in my head out into an audible space, but to do so is difficult as I now have very little time alone to feel safe making the noise.

[@BrandiR713]

I've always tried to be honest to my kids about their abilities. Not cruel, just honest. So when they went out into the world they weren't taken aback by someone else's honesty.

[@marvellousmrsmoller]

I agree. Australian maybe perceived as negative to American parents who praise their kids, (to me seemingly constantly). The pattern of telling children that everything they do is super and wonderful, or even good job seems to me to set them up for a significant deflation when someone tells them they are not remarkable. I would rather say I am glad that they are happy, and I can see they made an effort or that they overcame a difficulty. It seems to me like white lies...still lies!

[@theyxaj]

I've realized over the past couple of years that I'm really grateful that my husband isn't bothered by me singing around the house. He's a very serious person and a lot of things I do annoy him, but I can sing my silly songs and almost never hear about it. Singing is a human thing! It's joyous and fun and ties us into our community. I'm so sad to hear that your relationship with singing was hurt in university, but I believe that singing, like making art, is something that everyone can and should do whether they're "good" at it or not. These things get ruined in our minds because we're "amateurs" but they serve an important purpose of self-realization and it's a shame that we can be shamed out of engaging with those creative outlets.

[@taytribe806]

You said "i stopped badly belting out The Wizard and I in the shower", and I almost started crying. As I'm typing this, I think it's because that particular song is about the hope of finding acceptance and belonging - and you felt like you had to give that up. On the plus side, i think I'm going to listen to the Wicked album again soon 😂

[@auroraasleep]

When I was in art school, art for art's sake drove me crazy. I hated it. Now I'm all about art for art's sake because that is the joy of creating art without worrying about what anyone says. Music for the love of music is a magical thing.

[@moda78z]

Charlie, you’re such a good storyteller ❤️👍

[@kernmyrtle5283]

Charlie, you have main character energy and I am here for it, for the random singing and for the stories. Loving this new channel alongside the stitchery 🪡

[@margaret07]

This is so similar to my experience with art school. It ruined drawing for me in a similar way. It got to the point where drawing became stressful because I felt like I could only draw things that were either commercially viable or improving my drawing ability in some way. I couldn't just draw, which was my primary way of unwinding before. It's been twenty years and I feel like I only started to get over it a few years ago. I've started to just draw dragons and horses for my kids, it's so much better. They are very easily impressed.

[@crazycatdragon]

Reminds me of the damage my dad did to my Momma. My Momma told me she used to LOVE singing when she was younger and then she married my dad who was a musician and he told her how horrible her singing was and she stopped singing for probably 30, 40 years until she told me that because I kept wanting her to sing with me in the car listening to The Beatles. I asked her if she wanted to sing professionally and she said no so I asked her then why does it matter? I told her of an exchange I remember from Touched By An Angel when Della Reese angel (can’t remember character names) asked Roma Downey angel why she wasn’t singing? Roma angel said that her voice wasn’t as beautiful on earth as it was in heaven and Della angel said “it is written, make a JOYFUL noise unto the lord.” NOT a beautiful noise, and told her to sing. I told Momma as long as she was happy it shouldn’t matter how it sounds. She slowly started singing with me and sometimes I’d have to tickle her to get her to sing with me but she saw how much I Love her and wanted to have fun with her. I would still catch her lip syncing at times so I’d tease her saying, “I can’t HEAR YOU!!!!!!” And she’d laugh and start singing. I miss my Mommy so much. We had such good times.

[@shaiannwyatt7749]

My mom and I make up goofy songs to sing all the time but to the tune of popular songs, sort of like a parody. For example, we recently had to take my cat on a trip with us and on the way to the car, I started singing "I'm too fluffy for my carrier" to her. I'm not super aware of how much I do it, it just happens. My husband (when we were still dating) just accepted this as one of my quirks. Then when he got to meet my family for the first time, my mom started singing one of her made up songs and he just went "oh no, there's two of them"

[@romalester1079]

Your style of telling stories is amazing. I love your stories so much.

[@halem6580]

I only did the plays in at my high school because I knew I wasn't a very good singer, but the play we did my senior year had a couple of songs in it (no solos or anything, just the whole cast singing). I didn't realize I wasn't hitting the right note, because it sounded right in my head but not out loud. Instead of trying to help me learn, our music director just told me to stop singing. I already thought I wasn't a good singer, so that broke me. It made me feel like I shouldn't ever sing in front of people again and that my singing was beyond hope, so I almost never sing in front of other people, including my partner, and I will NEVER do karaoke.

[@henriettelinkshanderin1449]

What a bad teacher! For me singing is like dancing. I do it because I enjoy doing it.

[@idontneedachannelthanksyou7292]

Eww- he should have known better. One time in musical theater we were singing our song and I had a solo line. I sang it. Patted myself on the back (I’m shy) and then he in front of everyone gave me the notes and I’m on the verge of tears because I am dog shit at note matching. Our vocal person brought me forward so i wasn’t standing next to everyone but I could feel them looking at me and it just really sucked. Normal part of theater? Maybe. Appropriate for someone who cried after their audition even after thinking they did well? No! (Sophomore yr of high school with no formal training and extreme unmedicated anxiety)

[@Bigsistermeg]

The more stories you tell about your life, the more I’m convinced we had the same childhood. Right down to being raised on old musicals despite not being anywhere near the age in which they were produced, and a huge family that sang *all the time *.

[@nyves104]

that sounds more like cruelty than honesty. you were clearly good enough to get into the program despite having any real formal training. it breaks my heart that you stopped doing something you loved for years because of the words of one man who should have known better.

[@kathilisi3019]

It sounds like neither honesty nor cruelty to me, really, but rather a poor choice of words from someone who is used to hearing auditions from people with more training and/or more confidence. To me his reported assessment had a vibe of "if you can sing like this without any training, I'm interested to see what you'll be able to do once you've had more instruction", but he worded it really poorly. Saying your voice isn't anything special or "not much" or whatever probably wasn't meant as an insult, but just an unfiltered opinion of someone who's forgotten how untrained voices sound. I'm very sorry that his callousness spoiled your experience for you.

[@AmandaBrooks-j8i]

Honestly the most surprising part of all this to me is that a Baptist college had a musical theater program. I was raised Southern Baptist and it would have been unthinkable among those I was around. 😂

[@anieth]

I had a similar experience with acting. I was so horrible but loved theater so much, that I went backstage and there was NO competition. My first career was as a costume designer. Fun story!

[@EarlGayTea711]

This was always my fear. I adore singing and I'd rather adore singing as an amateur than have singing ruined for me by trying to do something with it outside of a tipsy karaoke performance.

[@mollymason9182]

What I wouldn't give to sit down and chat with you right now! First of all, I found your other channel cuz I love to sew. I've lived in LA for a couple years and I'm pretty sure you helped me find Remainders in Pasadena (omg thank you). I'm a singer and I teach voice lessons for a living and have done so for about 20 years. All I can say is you're NOT ALONE!! It is WILD how the business of going to school for performing arts can squeeze out all the joy- it's just so common. I'm thrilled you're finding moments to sing with abandon again. Keep doing that!! Stories like yours have completely informed how I work with singers these days. Thank you for sharing so openly 💖💖

[@kerrough]

It might not be that folks had been lying to you or humoring you about your singing. Lots of people have nice voices overall, but lack the formal/rigorous training to fine tune/elevate their abilities. And unless the person giving feedback has a background to know what is technically "good" or not, they're just going off vibes or if it sounds pleasant to their layman ears.

[@blackmber]

Exactly! Random people at church will notice if your voice sounds better than average, due to genetics or just having a good sense of pitch. Professionals will notice things like training and artistic expression, which you have to put focused effort into. You’re being compared with hundreds of “nice voices” that may have musical skills that you don’t know about. But if your first audition isn’t impressive, you can come back with more training and change their mind. Plus there’s a subjective element to it. If one person doesn’t like your voice, it doesn’t mean most people don’t. With experience you can also choose music styles that work better for you.

[@frederiquelafleche2106]

Thank you for making this! I would really like to hear the story of how you realized you’re more comfortable interacting with men and everything surrounding that!

[@knittingghost]

I had this same experience, except with painting and drawing. I grew up loving to draw, and I was convinced by others to go to school for it. I have a degree in fine art, and I haven't painted or drawn in over 3 years. School and Instagram ruined it for me. Now I keep my hobbies to myself, my day job is something completely different from my creative pursuits, and I'm much happier.

[@cherylkee2322]

This is so incredibly relatable. My voice minor in college destroyed my love of singing.

[@DawnShipley1977]

Now I know why you have an absolutely beautiful voice.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Now I'm nostalgic for watching old movies with my mom! Sigh....

[@razzuie]

I’m always singing, I’m not very good at it though… My grandpa who was my person as a child and who always babysat me sang constantly, he used to make up his own songs a lot and if he wasn’t singing he was humming one of the things I miss the most is hearing him sing and hum while he was baking

[@LaineyBug2020]

Listening to how you stopped singing broke my heart🎵🎶💔 ETA- Lol, you needed drunk karaoke!

[@leisureletter2051]

You have a beautiful voice. That is one thing I noticed in all of your videos is your tendency to burst into showtunes which I love to try to identify. I’m glad you got the love back for singing. Keep on singing.

[@therockymountainknitter2234]

Charlie I feel this story so deeply. I grew up being told that I was very good at the flute. I played with joy, and played all the time. When I got accepted to one of Canada’s top universities as a flute major I was delighted, but it quickly became exactly as you described. There was no more joy in playing, only practice, work, and constant analysis of whether I was using the right techniques and tone. The sad part is I never had any ambition of performing, as either an orchestral or concert flutist; I was there to earn my degree with the goal of becoming a teacher in mind. It’s been fifteen years since I graduated with my degree, and I still can’t play for fun. I can barely listen to music anymore because I can’t switch off the constant analysis they trained into me. I’m so glad that you’ve recovered some of your joy in singing - it makes me hopeful that one day I might pick up my flute and just be able to play again. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for sharing!

[@meghanmerchant657]

I cannot possibly express how much I absolutely love "Life Lessons with Charlie". Please keep them coming!

[@r-anthro]

Hi!!! Long timer here. I thought to request that you do a video about all the sewist channels you follow on KZbin and love (or at least like😊). You mentioned once that you subscribe to everything and your favorites tend to put up new content on the weekend, so we know you’ve got a lot in your online library 🙂 I seem to be getting fed a lot of unhelpful suggestions by YT despite becoming much more specific in my search queries. I am living in the Netherlands but the country of origin of most of what is fed to me is the US, which is fine since I’m an English speaking Californian 😂 But id love more diversity in my feed. Anyway! I’d love to know who you’re watching!!!

[@ebunni5862]

I have many hobbies. And the easiest way to ruin them is to make it into a job. Well meaning people would suggest I sell things I make. I hate making things to sell. I make something because I want too; if I have to it's ruined. On the other hand, I've learned skills in jobs and have adapted those into hobbies. Since they were work first I don't mind doing them as work.

[@ceuser8144]

I love how your brother used the word “caterwauling” to tell you to stop singing!

[@chelseanebe4012]

You put on a pretty epic Peter Pan show!

[@Sjp374]

It can be hard to be a creative type… I was gifted at drawing as a kid. I genuinely had some raw ability as well as love for it. But I stopped drawing by middle school. I was too afraid to share a single drawing. I feared art class, where we had to create art in a room full of people. In spite of this, I still chose interior design as my major and walked into a cutthroat atmosphere my first week of freshman year. The prof assigned us to design something right there in class and we would present in the second hour. I walked out in front of everyone. Odds are, had I stayed, I would have seen that the other students had plenty of room for improvement but I couldn’t deal with that kind of exposure and pressure. Kudos to you for even doing the audition!

[@lapoppy4801]

I can relate to the idea that learning too much about something can make you lose the joy of it. I also sing in my car and around the house, and make up silly songs, but these are not performed in public.

[@dyerswoad7088]

My only safe space to belt out as loud as I can is also my car o the high way 🙂 On the high way nno one can hear you sing 😜 I really enjoy hearing you talk about stuff and telling storys. Thank you for the video 🥰

[@morandi9inna9marius]

Now I've got Let's Go To The Mall stuck in my head🙃 I love random singing😄

[@melodygies2015]

This video showed me why I like you, and your videos so much! We have a lot more in common than I ever thought - I was homeschooled most of my life, church was one of my biggest social experiences, and we both enjoyed singing growing up. We seem to be similar in age, as well 🙂

[@alenastifel9313]

I love when you spontaneously sing in your seeing videos. So I’m glad you’ve recaptured some of that joy and let go of the fear/weight of not being good. I’m not classically trained but I do think you sound good and enjoy your spurts of song.

[@SarcasticShrubbery]

I feel this so much. I went to art school and while it didn't exactly make me fall out of love with art (it was more the trying to be a professional artist that did that) it made me kind of... jaded, I guess? Once you've seen that much art it starts to dawn on you that none of us are truly original, we're all copying each other to some extent, and half the time who becomes famous is determined more by who you know or just dumb luck, being in the right place at the right time. I truly believe my art is beautiful and worth-wile but trying to sell it was soul-crushing to me. I'm still working on finding that joy again that I had in art school when I'd just started. Also, I love singing, took singing lessons for years as a teen (wasn't very good, either, but passable), sang in a choir and a band and belted along to every single song I could. I don't do that anymore because I'm too self-conscious. I miss it.

[@Cindy-ef2vn]

No Way! Some one told me when I was 10 that I needed voice lessons and thereafter I was so self conscious about my voice that I had to bow out of my single Peppermint Patty lyric "Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band" in 6th Grade. Thankfully church choirs gave me room to sing despite being in the lower 25% of ability and after several decades of confidence building there, I found non-auditioned community choirs where I've had even more decades of singing pop songs and show tunes with people that have become really good friends. Charlie, I like your voice a lot whenever you share a singing snippet with us. Man, I don't even like to think about my life without singing. I hope you can replug into that that joy sometime by finding a fun community choir.

[@stefflcus]

I have lots of feels and opinions about this, but let me just say that I'm so glad you're singing again, that we get to hear it, and that I'm rooting for your full recovery wrt singing.

[@Winter_user-qb6jx1rg1n]

I’m so sorry you felt compelled to stifle your singing. I find it absolutely delightful every time you break into song. It’s one of the things I love most about your videos. 🧡 I cannot carry a tune, truly, I’m somewhat hearing impaired. However what I lack in talent I make up for in volume; oddly enough some people don’t appreciate that trade off. 😁😂

[@nightshaderose]

I absolutely feel you on a lot of this. My first attempt at college started with Technical Theater. I came form a smallish public school with a mediocre-at-best theater program, but all my new classmates had come from performing arts magnet schools in bigger cities. And no one told me that it was ok to ask for help from the professors. No, it did not end well. Art-type subjects are the WORST for dropping you into bigger ponds than you're prepared for when you go up an education level.

[@fluteykat]

I had a similar experience when I went to college the first time for music education. My flute professor broke me and I quit the program. It also felt like a part of my personality had just died. Thank you for sharing! I’m eagerly awaiting the next episode.

[@julianachandler2975]

I think you have a truly lovely voice. Just because someone is an instructor or even a chair, of a tiny college program, they aren’t the final word on talent. I’m sorry that this happened to you. I’ve met college chairs who have had no discernible talent or skill. Why they are put into a position to judge others, I’ll never know. I’ve always assumed that you must have starred in many productions.

[@melissashiels7838]

I did a 2 year art, craft, and design course to get a visa and stay in my chosen country. I CANNOT draw, and hate drawing. Was told at my mid-term assessment of my first year that the Director was thinking of cutting me loose since my drawing was so poor (which was not what I was there for, I was there for weaving). I stressed so much the rest of that year trying to scrape a pass, which I did. Everyone else had plans to do art afterwards, and I just wanted to learn to weave for my hobby. Love the new channel, this is exactly what I want from KZbin.

[@cathierayes4226]

Oh, Charlie! Your story reminds me of my sister. She had a gorgeous voice, utterly gorgeous, and perfect pitch to boot. She was one of the stars of her high school choir, you know? Just really wonderful. I was envious, to be honest, wished so dearly I could sing anything like she did! And then I took her to her audition to be a vocal major in college, and a man I hated for years afterward listened to my extremely nervous sister's audition and destroyed her with his cruel comments about her inability to sing. She couldn't even speak when she came out of the audition because she was so traumatized; didn't major in music and was never the same. Her voice is still gorgeous, but she only sings at home or with the family now. Charlie, I have to wonder if the man you auditioned for was deliberately cruel like that, also. I have to wonder if **nobody** lied to you about your voice, if you truly did sing well until you got such a bad runaround and had to audition under truly awful circumstances. I'm glad you're the kind of strong person who could find a life she loved despite such a difficult, life-changing start to college. Still, I'm really sorry that the joy of singing was taken from you.

[@maryjackson1194]

Your family sounds a lot like ours, with one key difference: we didn't have a dishwasher, we had piano lessons. Buying that piano had been a stretch, and I remember the day that our piano tuner told Mom that she knew of a much better upright selling cheaply, and how Mom collected my sisters's saved money from Christmas and birthday gifts from godparents to cover the cost of moving the piano...and borrowed my $20 from my (comparatively) wealthy godmother to meet the cost of the piano. Priorities. Nine of us lived in an unremodeled Victorian with one bathroom, three bedrooms, a kitchen table (no counters), open shelves (no cabinets). I was in high school and had a job before I had a dress bought new for me (I bought it). I was in junior high before I used my godmother's birthday money to buy a pair of jeans.

[@catrinahorsman1637]

This storytime both really surprised me and really didn't. On the one hand, everytime you burst into song in a video I've thought you have an absolutely lovely singing voice, so I never considered that you might ever have been insecure about it. On the other hand, I've done amateur musical theatre for over a decade, so I know what it feels like to have your percerption of your own voice vary wildly. With some groups I'll feel like I'm pretty good, but compared to the local amdram stars I sound like a cat yowling lol. I'm glad you were able to get some of that joy in singing back :-)

[@SoMagicalMichele]

Before I continue to watch this, I must share a story. When my oldest son got married, my poor daughter-in-law was so overwhelmed by our family. A word would trigger the whole family singing, often the same song but in different places, lol. To this day, this still happens but she's gotten somewhat used to it. :D

[@KristinaHoneyHavenFarm]

I like your voice. I also break into song whenever the mood strikes, especially in my classroom before I retired. There would be a lyric that reminded me of a song, so I would sing the little snippet. I would tell the kids that I would do whatever it took to make them learn. My dad would sing to wake my sisters and me in the morning. Usually something along the lines of Good Morning Sunshine. He may have made his own lyrics for all I know, but he would sing it. Lovely memory :)

[@CharredFibers]

I feel everything in this video. I had been told how great a voice I had when I was young. Christmas was my favorite time of year because of the songs at church. The Ave Maria was one of my favorite songs I learned when I took Chorale in High School. Then I told my mom I wanted to be a professional singer, and she told me that wasn't a real job. 😢 So....yeah...I stopped singing. Eventually I started again but I had also started smoking and, as every singer knows, smoking and singing don't mix. I had gone from a second soprano to a first alto, and I had no clue how to make that voice work. So the rest of my singing was done in my car where no one could hear me.

[@beckyw2903]

This story was so relatable for me, though on the visual arts end. I went to a Christian school with a tiny arts department, and did art class and band all the way through high school. I decided to major in art, thinking that I could get into portrait and wedding photography to pay the bills. Preparing that portfolio was one of the most stressful experiences of my teenage life, I’d had no training except my twice a week art class at school and whatever I did on my own at home. I did manage to scrape into the program at my state’s university. But the weekly reviews, in which my professors would tear my work to bits, crushed something inside of me. I quit the program the day before the second semester of my freshman year, and didn’t really draw or paint again for years. I’ll do projects with my kids sometimes, but to this day, I wouldn’t say I’m “good” at art. And the joy of creating it has never fully come back, over 2 decades later. Maybe someday. The flip side of this is that what I switched to was…music. I’d chosen to minor in it that first semester, because I didn’t want to quit the flute. My flute professor, whom I’d been taking lessons with for that first semester, was wonderfully supportive, giving me the go-ahead to switch into the program with one day’s notice. And after having finished that degree and spending a huge chunk of my adult life teaching music lessons, I don’t think any of those people in your teen years were lying to you. I did have a few students who went on to study music at the college level, but I had many more who didn’t. And I always saw my job as encouraging their love of music, no matter how much natural talent they may or may not have had. I’d give constructive criticism when needed, but tried to always balance that with encouragement. So even though that chair guy traumatized you a bit (and I absolutely get being traumatized by judges in music auditions or similar situations), I’m glad you had such a good experience with your vocal teacher and are beginning to enjoy singing again.

[@awilson8521]

I loved literature, and went to college for literature, and I still love literature. Somehow it worked out. I taught literature for four years, high school, post graduation. Now, as a mom who homeschools, I teach all the things.

[@Cagletb]

I also had several older sisters. That changes the dynamics a lot! Even though we are in our 60s, the shock that I would do something well,excellent even, is almost too much for them to handle. If we are not careful, we will see ourselves through their lens. You accepted his assessment of your voice as the only one that was truthful. In my experience professors are rarely unbiased. Enjoy your voice!

[@nixhixx]

I'm so sorry for your isolated upbringing. That's so unfair.

[@jdk2535]

As a long time viewer of the Stitchery, I can't lie-- I caught on to you mentioning listening to musical theater songs, and even you having VO over a clip of you singing along to something, and I was curious. I thought to myself, "I know Charlie has acted in things" (source: Sashiko video, at the very least) "so it makes sense that she'd be into musical theater, why doesn't she sing more?" This answer is heartbreaking. I also experienced a wild chain of events tonight that made this video very relevant, especially considering the fact that I started it and was interrupted halfway through before getting to see the part where you talk about what college was like. I auditioned for America's Got Talent when I was 12 (not on camera) and when I never got a callback, my father told me that it must be because I simply "wasn't good enough." It crushed my soul. And maybe he was right-- I wasn't (and still am not) the kind of inconceivably rare talent that gets you onto a show like AGT. But that doesn't mean I don't have any ability at all, and I think the same can be said for your experience with Mr. Chair. I like hearing your voice in the little snippets you let us have, and if you ever want to share more, I for one will be a very happy audience member. On either channel!

[@Siseja]

Gosh the beginning of this video where you explain growing up in a singing home felt like childhood flashbacks

[@beverlystauffer2489]

Hey charlie, I come from one of those musical families you mentioned. Everyone plays instruments and sings. None truly professionally. I'm glad you found your purpose even in a season of disappointment and dismay. And honestly, it's so good that that person was honest with you and you didn't waste thousands of dollars doing something you might never have truly been successful at. You found your niche and you're rocking it!

[@KristenK78]

Oh boy, I am feeling how much it CRUSHED me that after being in the high school competition choir as a sophomore, I was rejected the next two years. And I was in the women’s choir in college, but never made it into the chamber choir there, either. I loved singing. I wanted to be “good enough.” It was, no joke, OVER 20 YEARS before I realized how much those high school rejections in particular had affected how I sang, how I auditioned, how I felt about myself as a singer even though I knew that I knew how to do it well. Like you, how I sang in private and in public was vastly different. How I sing solo is different than how I sing in a group. But also, I could never, ever shake the feeling that I still had to prove to the ****ing high school choir director that I was, in fact, good enough. I’m still trying to shake that off, truthfully. But at least now I’m aware of it, and not wondering why I cannot seem to perform the same way in an audition as when I’m alone.

[@OliverKiry]

I did my bachelor's in classical vocal performance. I auditioned at just one school, like you, and got wait listed at first. I ended up requesting copies of the comments from my audition so I could know what to work on for the future, and realized that the woman who would go on be my personal voice couch for five years had written "low" next to wait list and underlined it. My junior year, she told me almost verbatim that she wasn't sure she would be able to fix me when I first got placed in her studio. I wish that honesty had come up front. Also, my school was pretty intense about sophomore hearings. I had several friends fail it twice and get booted from the program. (We also had to essentially memorize a 5-minute historical monologue about any composer whose song we were offering which made it quite stressful.) Sorry for the word vomit, you've just got me reminiscing about my college opera days and they were A LOT. Hope you're having a great day Charlie!!

[@RedPandaHomebody]

My undergraduate was in voice performance… I *know* this story before even watching your video…

[@michaeladimick8795]

I’m a current music/voice major at university and boy howdy do I hate the practice rooms. I loathe the fact that I can be heard especially when I’m learning a new piece and I don’t necessarily know where it’s going. The thing I find comfort in is that I am learning to make mistakes in front of people (kind of) and still be kind to myself about it. I’m at the beginning of what feels like a very long process of teaching myself that making mistakes does not make me a bad person and therefore, it is okay to make mistakes out loud.

[@crafty_owl]

Oh man, I HATED the practice rooms in college. HATED. I took voice in college (for fun), and my instructor called me out IN CLASS because he heard me IN THE PRACTICE ROOM clearing my throat in a way he thought was harmful to my voice. (It was winter quarter -- everyone had a cold.) So I went up to do my performance (after he'd roasted me in front of everyone), I tried his throat-clearing technique, began singing, then started choking on phlegm and almost collapsed to the floor in a coughing fit. The whole class laughed at me. I never signed up for a voice class again. So yeah, not only can everyone hear you, but in my case, sometimes your voice teacher will literally SPY ON YOU WHILE YOU'RE PRACTICING and humiliate you in front of your peers.

[@hattierensberry2526]

This was so healing for me to watch. Wow. I had a horrible, awful audition experience in college and didn't end up making it into the program for several reasons, one of them being how rude my audition judges were. I didn't end up doing any other theater/music performances in college besides one semester of choir. It was crushing, and frustrating, and deeply painful. I finally went back to acting after 5 years away (at the encouragement of my now-husband), and have never been happier. I spend my evenings at community theatre performances supporting my friends or at rehearsals, and I get to create great art with much less pain and stress.

[@dawnmoriarty9347]

I can hold my panic in so well that my blood pressure and pulse don't react. Doesn't mean I'm not in huge state of distress

[@maureenlea572]

Agree with many commenters below. I think the people who said they liked your voice before you got anywhere near a college actually liked your voice and thought it sounded nice. I've always loved your little singy bits in your videos. I've noticed people have a preference for volume and confidence or false bravado. There was a girl in our town who did not have a good singing voice in my opinion (I never told her this). To me, it lacked grace and joy and had a harshness to it. But she got all kinds of praise and opportunities. Why? She was loud. She could sing over everybody and her voice stood out in a choir. So she got things like solos. Why? Everyone knew that everyone in the audience would hear her and understand the words she was singing. Her volume also meant that if anyone else had the solo, you'd hear her over them anyway. I think that kind of volume just impresses certain people. They think that's what "good" singing is. You can also see that in certain kinds of mainstream pop. The idea is to belt, do runs and show off and I think people think anything that approximates this is good. Billie Eilish's whisper style was a real counter-narrative and surprise to everyone. People tend to have problems with quiet singing. It's assumed to be a lack of skill. As for the audition guy, I think sometimes people don't choose their words carefully or realize how literally or deeply their words will be received. I'm sure I have been this person from time to time in my life (about things that aren't singing or art related). Sometimes these are people who are used to reminding small town star kid that here, they're just another student and they have things they need to work on over the next few years. They forget that sometimes they're not dealing with small town star kid and the last thing they need to do is put them in their place. I'll also say you were lucky to grow up in a house where spontaneous singing was a thing. One of my missions is to get people to sing, draw, dance whatever because I've found that sooooooo many people stopped doing these things as children because someone felt the need to humiliate or shame them about it. Heaping constant praise is no better. Just let singing or drawing or whatever be a part of life or a thing people do for fun that doesn't need to be commented on. Finally, do people think Neil Young has a voice that a voice teacher would rave about? Does anyone think he got constant or any praise for his voice when he was younger? What Leonard Cohen did can barely be called singing. (I'm Canadian. Can you tell?) And yet, both of these singer songwriters have made (past tense for Leonard) life sustaining careers from it. And they're not the only ones. Let that be a lesson to us all.

[@sewingsoprano]

Thank you for this video! Oh, how I can relate! I trained as an opera singer, and I too felt like the pure joy of music has completely shifted since I started studying music seriously. I still find it back once in a while when performing, but it's so rare. Now I teach more than I perform, and I really try to preserve that joy in my students. But I guess our job as performer is sadly not to indulge in our appreciation of the art, but to let the audience savour it... Anyway, thank you for letting us in on that subject! I wonder if most people feel the same about their particular passion turned into job.

[@jems.crafting.closet]

Hhhhhhhh oh god my stomach got all knotted up on your behalf. College applications and that whole process are stressful enough without the pain of auditioning on top of it.

[@atorres8760]

I laughed so hard at the beginning because I was woken up with songs, we had a lot of old musical albums we sang along to, and went to see musicals in Dallas every year. I found out I was a not good singer when I tried out for choir in 8th grade. When I hit my 50s I finally had my eff it moment and started singing for myself again. I’m so glad you found your joy in singing much sooner. Isn’t it wild how one comment can change the course of your life?

[@esbybyaghro6483]

I have a good giggle every time you reference Phineas and Ferb. Glad it's not just me. I got my degree in Forensic Science but, thankfully, quickly realized that getting an actual job in the field would have sucked all of my enjoyment away. Instead, I prefer to be an armchair CSI & shout at the TV when no one wears gloves, or photographs a scene before collecting evidence, or lets the profilers enter with SWAT for REASONS, I guess. 😂

[@taniadurell459]

Can I just start off with how delighted I was to hear you use "shan't" in this video! I think it a highly underused word and I'm ever so happy whenever I hear it used! I love to hear your little chats and am happy you started this channel. And your stories are very entertaining. As an ADD, extroverted introvert, I very much identity with many of your expressions of feelings you share in your videos.😊 Share on, Darling, share on!

[@emmawelch]

Thanks, Charlie ❤ I have a similar story, but it revolves around drawing rather than singing

[@thirza9508]

This video was wonderful. You're a great storyteller and your honesty and reflection is so nice to hear. I can't really relate to any of it because there's not a musically-gifted bone in my body, but the life lessons and experiences you described are so valuable and make me reflect.

[@Charisma-without-the-ma]

As a fellow homeschooled theater kid listening to this I kept going 'yep this explains a lot, no wonder I vibe with your videos so much' XD and I also stopped singing in front of people by the time I graduated college (for different reasons, but still shame based) and haven't gotten the joy back yet--although I've joined a chapter of Sweet Adelines and it's helping!

[@stephaniehudson4762]

I felt the same with art when I got a C on a painting I did that I loved and worked so hard on. It was heart breaking and it is what made me always shy away from doing what I love for work. I never wanted again to have my hobby or passion to be my work which I do find sad. Now that I am much older I am frustrated when things that are very part of an opinion get labeled by a grade or other type of value. I too live for musical theatre and often get asked if something is good or not. I try to make people see that it is an opinion and my tastes are not the same as others so I won’t put a good or bad label on it

[@Skitten24]

High school and college are just horrible times. As an anxious and traumatised young adult, it was scaring and terrifying time.

[@robintheparttimesewer6798]

Well I’m not sure what I think of that story. It sounds like they took something away from you that you still feel today. It makes me really sad that it took you so long to re-find your joy of music. It’s a gift that joy! One of the many things that drew me to your channel is your singing. Reminds me of my daughter who always has singing and dancing in her life. I was visiting and enjoying her singing and dancing as she unloaded the dishwasher!

[@sylviamercedes3076]

You are such a phenomenal storyteller! I sat enraptured through the entire saga of your vocal history, cheering, gasping, sorrowing...and ultimately so relieved with the triumph of personal discovery. Just beautifully done! (As a former homeschooler, I may have hardcore related to much of it as well...)

[@stefanieshuldt1314]

Sounds very similar to my college experience but inserting band in public school. I wasn't able to quit even though I figured closer to graduation that this was a hobby more than a career path. I did want to get that piece of paper. I don't play really at all anymore. Oh well.

[@buttercupkat]

"my voice is good for showers and mornings in the kitchen and drunken nights and lullabies for babies and i'm okay with this / i think it's silly to be ashamed of your art because it's not in a museum and of your voice because it's not selling out stadiums. there will always be people who enjoy and appreciate what you can do." - Tumblr user venuskissed

[@rondasamuelson7551]

I enjoy your chats, hope you will keep posting!

[@julianrobertson3303]

Excellent Charlie , I look forward to more videos .

[@stephaniecranford12]

I hate that it's basically impossible to figure out how to audition for college unless you've got parents who are definitely in the know and (not or) teachers who are very much into that field, by which I mean usually that they also are professors at a college, if not that one. (I have a BA in music and so do both of my parents, so I know from whence I speak.)

[@caylarivera2804]

I almost decided to go to college for music and I'm very glad I didn't, i love singing and bursting into random song. But i had a very similar experience with visual arts school which was my other favorite subject. I was very burnt out and hated making most types of art when I left college. I still mainly only do fiber arts to this day and rarely do more traditional arts because it's just not as fun now

[@shia2734]

Yup, happened to me with the Fine Arts degree... Except that college managed to completely break, chew, and terrorize anyone who couldn't adapt to be one of the teachers' pets. You could either do hyperrealistic painting, carbon sketches, clay imitations of greek statues or trash cultures. Nothing else. And god forbid you were an illustrator, a digital artist, had a more cartoonish or stylized drawing style, liked any other kind of plastic medium, or were an outright surrealist. Went from drawing every day, all day, to... well, once every two or three months when my recurring commissioner hits me up for whatever new and exciting character they've been cooking up.

[@shia2734]

Oh, and after I spiraled into depression, and suicidal thoughts, and had to quit altogether, my baby cousin tried it too. Let's say she's been in therapy ever since she naked her very soul into one of those 2 meters x 2 meters canvases for the art equivalent to the end-of-degree semester assignment you need to get the diploma, featuring our recently deceased grandfather, and the examinators ridiculed and insulted her from here to Constantinople. And I mean it, I'm not being sensitive. Those "professors" would literally tell you they would rip your work to pieces if it were "real" (if you were a digital artist, like me) ooooor... outright actually rip the physical canvas to pieces. Yeah.

[@missvioletnightchild2515]

@@shia2734 That's absolutely horrific, I'm so sorry you both went through this

[@shia2734]

@@missvioletnightchild2515 Thanks... I've mostly made my peace with it, mostly because I learned it's been systematic... Oh, for the past 30 or more years. I've met professional, established artists who studied there and had the same problems when I was still in diapers. So it wasn't really about us, or our art, or whatever. It's just that these bitter people who literally can't do anything better with their lives because *they* are not good enough artists to make a living out of it have to lash out at anyone who still has that dream and can't defend themselves. ...So maybe not exactly the same experience as Charlie, but the outcome was still the same, I guess 😅

[@tessah6287]

I've enjoyed your videos for a long time and now I know why. I love fellow interesting and weird homeschooled kids!

[@carolreid9755]

Thank you Charlie for your video and sharing your college story. Well done here you did not give up and you discovered you love backstage work. You are resilient demonstrated courage, commitment, independence ,budgeting. All the things needed for life. I sang in choir,ballet for years and did amateur dramatics. I was fortunate I wanted to be a nurse so never stepped out of the amateur role. I love it when you talk sing to us, I think you have a lovely voice. By the way What is a chest voice 😂😂 see how much I know

[@kellyharvell]

I really enjoy your singing. I don't care if you think you're a good singer. You're a joyful singer. My mother and I used to sing all the time and said that it was sad that so many people didn't live in a musical. Everything reminded us of song. We made the up or sang songs we knew. I miss singing with her but I still often sing. People say they love to hear me sing but I know I am not professional. But I love singing "for me" and not for a job. I pray that you're love of singing will continue to bloom and we can smile and know that goofy, good, or bad... it's the spirit that matters.