Coming Clean... I relapsed. (not the video I planned to do, but the one I NEEDED to do)

Love you guys.
And I feel all your love.
I don't know what else to say.
Talk soon.
💛
Jay
Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Crisis Text-Line
Text "HOME" to 741741 (in U.S.)
Crisis Support for Veterans
1-877-996-0648
R.A.I.N.N. - Rape and Incest National Network
rainn.org

[@lolabohemia7815]

To expect someone to not make mistakes at all is unreasonable. We are human, we are imperfect, we fall but it's all in how we get back up again. I view slip ups as important information to look at and take insight from. I think the only real way we can do a huge disservice to ourselves is by not utilizing this sort of information. If anything a person's ability to be accountable, look at the situation, and take insight from it is someone who is going to ultimately possess much more wisdom than someone who has either not slipped up or one that chooses not to utilize the slip up as incredible insight regarding personal recovery. As you might know I don't consider myself an addict but I have made some poor choices in handling situations and my inner pain that's for certain. By looking at my past and being able to take something from that has been probably one of the biggest things that contributes to both my own insight and that towards others. We have to be able to really evaluate ourselves and not to shame or guilt ourselves while doing so but look at it in even a short of technical way. Like how software has patches to remedy problems that come along human beings do the same thing. We want to be able to continue to function to our best capacity but we will have hiccups; it's in understanding how that hiccup happened that is the most valuable asset and, in a way, potentially more valuable than being without the wisdom gleaned from the situation. Who knows what this information can do for yourself or others in the future? All about that silver lining...keep it up.

[@TheseFourWalls]

Thank you for this. 💛

[@golddustwoman104]

Lola..What you said is so insightful and very valuable. You seem like a really cool chick

[@lolabohemia7815]

@@TheseFourWalls no problem. Anything to help. We are always our own worst critics and I know I beat myself up over things. What you did was brave m'dude and shows a lot of maturity.

[@lolabohemia7815]

@@golddustwoman104 I try...but secretly I'm absolutely goofy. This will become apparent soon.

[@lolabohemia7815]

@@TheseFourWalls feel free to reach out to me on discord. that's mostly how I keep in touch with people. Handle is LolaBohemia#2010

[@Blondie727]

Awww, I’m glad that you said something because holding things in isn’t healthy. Dust yourself off and keep it moving because most of us have had “slips”. I hope that you’re ok. Much love and support as always. 💜😊

[@rockinroberta9925]

Admitting this slip up is so hard, believe me you’ve seen me admit my issues in the past. Good job , now it’s time to be on extra guard and protect yourself like never before. Be kind to yourself and gear up for the next chapter. I believe in you Jason. Sending love! Call me anytime.❤️

[@courtneyremarks1133]

We all have slips and stumbles along the way ....of course it's not a good thing,but you can't beat yourself up too much either or you'll drive yourself right back into the arms of addiction! One MINUTE at a time my friend! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💙

[@MaineReactor]

Hey buddy, this took a lot and I appreciate the honesty so much! Keep moving forward Jason. I have so much faith in you!

[@carolf5922]

I am still incredibly proud of you for telling us that you slipped up. I think all of us fighting this battle have had relapses. I have three times but I am still fighting and I know you will too. Jason, I hope better days are ahead for you.❤️

[@TheBipolarOg]

Jason, I found your video so raw and honest and refreshing. I’m not a believer in going to Ground Zero after one or even maybe more than one slip up. The important part is our conscience and accountability that we have within ourselves. Addictions are hard enough without throwing mental health into the mix. Keep your chin held high, and remember that tomorrow is the beginning of a new and beautiful day. You are an amazing person - never forget that. PS: I've lost track of how many times I have gone off my medication for my bipolar. We've only failed when we quit trying. ♥️

[@marybethwylie]

Your strength and honesty is amazing! Keep going! Sending you lots of love!

[@Tropicalfrooploops]

6 months Jason , truly amazing how we can make such changes with first just a thought, and then an intention, followed by a conscious concerted effort. Very very powerful.

[@nikkirevasmrplus5313]

Thanks for being honest with us.

[@marinaking648]

It happens. You're doing your best! I'm glad you are feeling safe to be honest. I'm happy to see this video and you are carrying on with life even though I know it's been really difficult for you. Keep fighting! I got your back 100%.

[@meganeff]

I’m so proud of your honesty. I agree with your 6 months of sobriety & one day of fucking up. I once heard someone say “I’d rather hear I was sober 360 days out of the last year.” It is a more positive way to look at things, but you HAVE to acknowledge the 5 days of fucking up (1 day in your case) or else you will keep repeating them. Some people get really hung up on their sobriety date, which can quickly turn their relapse into a full blown bender. Let it be a hiccup & a learning experience so it doesn’t happen again! 💕

[@z7a0c7k]

Stay strong. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. You are a good person. There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes. Its hard to understand what our purpose in this life is sometimes but, I promise you that we all figure it out no matter what. Gotta pick yourself back up and pick up the pieces. Take care Jason.

[@Motherlyescape]

I don't know what much to say that your amazing community of super awesome people havent already said.....so just want to send love!! It makes all the difference in the world when your not alone. Recovery ain't smooth sailing so you my tough dude are strong!! So very strong for having the courage to share your story and not just share it but the realness of what recovery is really like. Because there is slips but it all about whether or not be get stuck in the moment or grow beyond it. It also helps us learn what may have been the trigger ( if a trigger at all ) as well as what may help us when we are feeling triggered. Your awesome Jason!! 😘😉

[@rykersmimi]

Sending you lots of love and big bear hugs my brother 💜💜💜 You had a slip. Ok. Now you have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off & continued on the path of recovery. We all have fallen a time or even two. It's how many times we get back up and fight that matters. I love you and I am so proud of you for making this video & telling the truth about recovery and how hard we have to fight for it! 💜💙💜💙

[@LouEllenBissell]

Jason, love. I'm still proud of you. you are very vulnerable right now and you're open and honest. Honesty is the best policy. it will help you heal better by being honest. stand tall! move forward again. who doesn't take 1 step forward and 2 back? we are human not droids. one tiny step at a time. love you!!♥️💞❤🧡💜💚

[@Herofixtv]

No problem bro its happened to most of us , its shows where your heart is to say anything , you did good by saying it , now you can start over , your back on track now and that shows yours sincerity , dont sweat it bro .

[@golddustwoman104]

My dear Jason, You have nothing to apologize or be ashamed of...One bad day does not erase all the hard work you've done and all the things you have and continue to overcome. Recovery is a journey and sometimes we fall, but it's the getting back up that matters. I am proud of You, You are an Amazing human being and I love ya❤❤❤ P.S...I saw someone say they were disappointed in you....Ya know, Jason, this person has NEVER suffered from addiction and has NO IDEA how hard it is, therefore, IMO, Has no business saying that! I'm sorry..I don't mean to offend anyone..I just feel your pain and I had to say I'm not disappointed in you AT ALL❤❤❤

[@AccordingtoJexi]

You are really brave for sharing that. This changes nothing except hopefully strengthen your commitment to recovery and show you how many people love you no matter what. I am so honored to call you my friend and I am always here if you need anything! Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

[@graciemay6697]

You’re a good guy Jason. I hardly ever comment but I watch everyone of your videos. Can you make a video about why you think you had a relapse? What went through your head before it happened? I am praying for you! 🦋

[@KingdomPlans]

It's ok sweetheart, it's just a little bump in the road. It does *not* mean you've failed by any means! Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed, you're ill and put under massive stress, it was going to happen. You're not alone, you're not a liar. You don't have to be ok all the time! We will be here no matter what, that's what real friends do. Recovery is not linear. I love you too sweetheart, my heart hurts knowing you were pushed to that by stress. Oh well, one foot in front of the other and onwards you go. I know you can do it, it's not easy but you're a badass of mental strength 💖💖💖 You're ok, it was a blip please don't beat yourself up over something that isn't your fault. You're doing great, keep going! xxxx

[@AwkwardAnxiousJennifer]

I'm proud of you for making this video. I actually felt similarly when my depression struck. I felt like I had built my channel based a lot around the fact that I've been stable for the last few years, and I thought of myself as this success story for overcoming bipolar disorder. When my depression hit, I wasn't sure I wanted to admit it. In the end, like you, I decided to keep my channel as honest as possible. That's the best possible thing we can do for our audience - and ourselves. I have faith in you that you'll overcome this, and you've built up an audience to help support you - just as my audience has helped support me. That's the magic of KZbin - we get back what we put out. ❤️

[@sadiebEP]

Hey, it's okay. ♥️ I've made so many slip ups, I just try to keep saying "I make choices that reflect my recovery." We're in it together, my friend!

[@lisagray569]

Thank you for your candid truth; your humble bravery is profound. You were tested, it happens, hon. Use that "Fuck it" in resolve and strength to carry onward. "There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." I love you.

[@honor2798]

I am so proud of you for coming on and telling us your truth when you don't even have to. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. Sending you love and light my friend ❤️❤️

[@shapeless2759]

I was 5 years clean, relapsed once and then again six months after that. Both six months ago and today my withdrawals are annoying AF but I got right back on the wagon. I'm on day 2 and it fucking sucks but I will look back on this comment in a few days and pat myself on the back. Thanks for the vids, I watched a few of them the last couple days, along with many many others, and they really help.

[@stephaniehenke6695]

Setbacks make us want to hide, which does a lot of damage to the recovery process. The most important thing is that you’re being completely honest with yourself. The times I’ve hit “fuck it” sometimes came close to being game over. The hardest part was forgiving myself. Once I did that, it made it easier to face why it happened and plan my strategy for dealing with whatever started the slide. The accountability is such a great motivator, and it helps your viewers find hope. But videos like this one help people to understand that recovery is a very, very human process. It takes a lot of guilt and shame out of the reality of recovery sometimes being one step forward, one or two steps back. It gives people hope and encouragement to not let a relapse completely undo their efforts. It takes a lot of courage to say what you had to say. You’re going to be okay. Hugs from Kansas ❤️.

[@serenityhere4797]

I was told n rehab that relapse is a part of recovery! It's what u do w the relapse that matters! Don't beat urself up & stay out there! Get back up & try again! If u relapse again, don't stay out there, get back up & try again & again & again until u succeed! The alternative to not succeeding is a life of misery! Choose to live, laugh & luv life! U r soooo worth all the good things recovery has to offer!

[@owlseyetarotprivatereading6367]

The honesty will keep you sober. Never stop being honest. 🌠

[@vortexshedding]

Recovery includes relapses, according to the scientific literature. Good luck to you - wishing you the best! 6 months sober is impressive!!!

[@estynista4507]

I still support you! Remember baby steps, you can do it! 🤗💗

[@thepublicsuxrachelpena4295]

Yes it is Jason it is an everyday uphill battle for all recovery, for all types of addicts... I'll say the truth right now that I went over 2 years without taking any Xanax and I unfortunately relapsed two weeks ago ruined my vacation and just sent the Ripple of b******* through my life so I know where you're coming from. I will pray for you and I will say right now that I think you are the bravest one of them all to make this video... God bless Jason Peace Viewer's

[@ZekeBarajas]

You are an amazing person!!! It takes balls to get on here and admit our faults when we fuck up. You are honest about what you did and you owned up to it. My sponsor asks me when I fuck up !!! What did you learn from this? How is this going to make you stronger in your recovery? Life itself is hard man, it's how do we prepare ourselves when life throws that curve ball at us and shit gets hard. As shitty as it may sound this video has helped me in my recovery today. You are worth it brother, get back on the saddle... Mad respect.

[@kerryirving2949]

I think you have it in your head & heart to keep going the right road from now on. Not easy.

[@kickinaddiction]

Hopefully you can eliminate things or people that trigger you brother. Props for honesty, get back on course ASAP. You’re human, things will happen. 💪

[@denamullen340]

I relapsed a year ago for a week and lost everything I worked for. Most of us do relapse, honesty is admirable thank you. It makes me feel not so alone. 💖 when I relapsed the whole town knew it felt like, I’m still holding shame from it but you just made me think of that, and I’m not going to feel it anymore and let that shame go.

[@sabbithablood5219]

You shouldn't have to feel shame! Try and let it go, you aren't a failure or a bad person you just had a bad day. Start over! Best of luck to you!👍🙏

[@jiffymellor7836]

jase, i aint judging. nor do i blame you. been there, got the t-shirt. chin up, you will be smashing sobriety again soon man xxx

[@jenispants]

You are more than a slip-up. You are more than one bad decision. You are an amazing person, and we all know you've got this.

[@cece3194]

Beautiful iris's! I only had one light purple one bloom this year :( I think I need to thin them out and fertilize them. . . Jason, "Honesty is the best policy." I can't remember where I heard that but I do know that in recovery, it's the ONLY policy! We are only as sick as our secrets! I'm glad you came clean on this. We have to be honest because if we lie, we are only bullsh!ting ourselves and that can lead to self-loathing. I know I need to do whatever it takes to keep a clean conscience. That doesn't mean perfection but it does mean admitting mistakes. I haven't seen your videos for a while so I don't know what's been going on lately but I was watching often when you were deciding to get clean and when you did. When I first got sober, 1999, I didn't have KZbin meetings or videos like you do now. I know many people say they are very very helpful. I went to AA & NA meetings. I went to a lot. Usually at least one a day for the first couple years cause it was difficult for me to sit home and stay clean and sober. I hope you are getting out to meetings in person, Jason. It concerns me when you called it a "small relapse." I just know too many people that thought one more high wouldn't hurt them and they didn't make it back ever. When I get the "fuck it's" (like yesterday I was angry all day long) I need to ask my God for the will to go on. I then need to get out around other people and try to be useful to others. Glad you are back. God bless you Jason. Yes, it is one day at a time. :)

[@rayofthought2470]

This is just one more step in your journey. You may go through many experiences like this before getting to where you want to be at. Being honest with your supporters though is the best thing you could have done. The love you receive you can then feel more genuinely and really gain strength from those supporting you. The courage and strength it took to post this video is something you should be beyond proud of. Dont beat yourself up. You've got this.

[@darrian6544]

Wishing the best for you ❤️❤️ everyone makes mistakes, but you can do this! Stay strong 💪🏻

[@esindirik4447]

You're brave and beautiful.

[@shiveringisleferrets400]

We all slip up every now and then, don’t hold it against yourself. You’ve done amazingly well with your recovery and should be proud of how far you’ve made it and remember, we’re all here to support you even in your darkest days. Stay safe and keep your chin up Jason.

[@candiceyoung8244]

Im so sorry, but believe me I understand,,i know it couldn't have been easy to come on here and admit that,so im proud of you for that,,ur so right relapse is almost always a part of recovery, it was for me as well,i have to admit,and i relapsed when i was going through a difficult time,or having issues with my ex husband, i felt like exactly what u said,i said well fuck it,and then of course i felt terrible about it after,,but i see that u have the desire and the strength ,and the tools to get over this little speed bump,i just wanted you to know i relapsed as well,,hang in there sweetie, and u know theres alot of people who care about u,,,u can get through this😘💜❤

[@sabbithablood5219]

Hi Jason! I'm sorry that you had a relapse but I'm no less proud of you than before!🙏👍👏🤗 you have such strength to admit it here even though you must know you weren't going to be judged for it! As you know I'm not in this situation myself so can only imagine what you and everyone here goes through to reach your goals! You can and will get there I believe in you! Let go of the disappointment and the guilt as you've nothing to feel guilty about! Love you man!😍

[@SdickLee13]

Best advice Ive ever gotten is to be gentle on yourself. For most of us we are our own worst nightmare. Its brave to admit this. Making the attempt to be accountable to others is the key. Secrets keep you sick. (Well some secrets do) Keep fighting!

[@TheseFourWalls]

Thank you for your kind comment, and for sharing your advice. You're so right. We're our own worst nightmares. And yes, it IS a brave thing to admit. Thanks for the encouragement, dear friend. I appreciate it so much. 💪😊✌

[@bridmcgrath5363]

I hope u can get over this in a way thats good for u. With fanily and friends around u!!!!😀🧡✌🏻🤘🏻

[@JohnDoe-gq3tm]

This video was beautiful. Not because you slipped up. But because you were authentic, honest, and vulnerable. I imagine it took a lot of heart, humility, and courage to do this video. And integrity! Now you know what can trigger you into a relapse. And how to handle it differently next time. Keep on keeping on =)

[@TheseFourWalls]

Thank you. This comment means more to me this morning than you could ever know. Learning the "why's" and "how's" of the fall, getting right back up and back on track, and starting your soberity hustle.... "That keep on keeping on". Thanks so much, friend, for the support. ✌💛

[@sabbithablood5219]

John Doe very well said!👍👏

[@cindybriggs2725]

I found u from nicole and i came over to subscribe and your not alone

[@trinity6764]

Just get back up and continue . Be kind to yourself . You deserve sobriety . ☺

[@SabiLewSounds]

I've been away from everything lately. Recovery is one day at a time I've heard! Don't be to hard on yourself. I am barely starting the video

[@TheseFourWalls]

Thank you for that, dear friend. I think we all need reminders, every once in awhile, to be kinder and more forgiving with ourselves. 💛✌😊

[@jaimetarin1183]

I am on the same boat you were Jason..I am back on the wagon again..going on day 12 again after going on 67 days..this time thou I am going all the way. It’s do or die time. Thanks for the video it gives me inspiration and hope.

[@TheseFourWalls]

Thank you for kindly commenting, friend. And congratulations on hopping right back on that wagon. I'm proud of you! Stay strong, and reach out if you need to talk or vent. My email is [e-mail] ✌🙏

[@SinRaeyan]

You are human and with humanity comes mistakes. Your accountability should be for you not for us. You are strong.

[@SinRaeyan]

I wanted to post more but it was a race against the clock at the time. One of my favorite therapist said something that has stuck with me for a long time: Don't focus heavily on the things in the past. It is what you do in the current that will shape your future. Because if you focus too much on the past you will only regret and guilt yourself. You are doing what is right for you. You are focusing on the current and moving forward. That takes a hell of a lot of strength and courage. It is so easy to fall back into past behaviors because they are what is easy. They are what we know. Keep going. You got this. Know that you are not alone.

[@TheseFourWalls]

Thank you so much, for sharing your kindness, wisdom, and support. I appreciate it so very much. 💛

[@SinRaeyan]

@@TheseFourWalls

[@filgood76]

Arrrff damn! Sorry to hear that buddy! But you got this! You've already accomplished a lot! Get back on thé horse!! Tu peux le faire! Je suis sobre depuis 32j!! 😎

[@TheseFourWalls]

Merci mon ami. Je sais que je peux le faire. un jour à la fois. J'ai juste besoin de plus de concentration. Merci pour le gentil commentaire et félicitations pour votre sobriété, mon ami guerrier. ✌👊🌞

[@Simmyfso]

I relapse multiple times a month but each day I try for better I jus don’t do pills everyday I’ll skip 2 r 3 days here n there I’m aiming for a month clean I just be so bored

[@TheseFourWalls]

Good on you for continuing to try for better. Congratulations for every step you take, my friend. No step is too small or unimportant. Be proud of yourself, cuz this stuff is HARD work. 🙏🏼✌🏼

[@sarahkalnajs5810]

Still proud of you and still support you!

[@jaimereynolds258]

Honesty is always good. You were doing so well, Jason. No one says you need to be perfect in life, but on something like this, do it. When I stopped drugs, alcohol, and smoking, I didn't have any back pedaling. So I can't say that I know what that is like. I think if you REALLY want something, you fucking go for it. I know people are different though. I still love your face and will continue to support you. You still get your gift...you did the 6 months 😋. Many hugs and forehead kisses!! Now get your shit straight 😉❤️

[@TheseFourWalls]

💛 Thanks for this. And I plan to get my shit together. Thanks for the real love. Hugs hun.

[@jaimereynolds258]

@@TheseFourWalls I'm always here to give some hugs but also bite a bit 😃