Compassion is Natural. So Why is It So Hard For Us? | Big Think

Compassion is Natural. So Why is It So Hard For Us?
Watch the newest video from Big Think: bigth.ink/NewV...
Join Big Think Edge for exclusive videos: bigth.ink/Edge
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To paraphrase a common proverb: Show me a mean and callous person and I'll show you someone whose prior compassion got mistaken for weakness.
If we understand compassion to be the natural sense of concern that arises when we encounter someone in need of help, then the main inhibitor of our natural compassionate instinct is fear. Author Thupten Jinpa, who is perhaps most well-known as the long-time translator for the Dalai Lama, explains in this video interview that social fears and pressure often lead us to repress our compassionate inclinations. Among these fears is the feeling that someone will exploit your kindness, as well as the worry that compassion is most often linked to emotion and therefore leads to irrational thinking.
"It’s very unfortunate," says Jinpa, "that these various forms of culturally acquired fear really undermine the expression of what is really natural to us as human beings, which is the ability to connect with someone and the ability to relate to that person at a deeper level and have a much more open-hearted kind of interaction."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THUPTEN JINPA:
Thupten Jinpa Langri has been a principal English translator to the Dalai Lama since 1985. He has translated and edited more than ten books by the Dalai Lama including The World of Tibetan Buddhism (Wisdom Publications, 1993), A Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus (Wisdom Publications, 1996), and the New York Times bestseller Ethics for the New Millennium (Riverhead, 1999).
Thupten Jinpa Langri was born in Tibet in 1958. He received his early education and training as a monk at Zongkar Choede Monastery in Hunsur near Mysore, Karnataka, South India and later joined the Shartse College of Ganden monastic university, in Mundgod, Karnataka, South India, where he received the Geshe Lharam degree. He taught Buddhist epistemology, metaphysics, Middle Way philosophy and Buddhist psychology at Ganden for five years. Jinpa also holds a B.A. Honors degree in Western Philosophy and a Ph.D. degree in Religious Studies, both from Cambridge University, UK.
From 1996 to 1999, he was the Margaret Smith Research Fellow in Eastern Religion at Girton College, Cambridge and he has now established the Institute of Tibetan Classics where he is both president and editor-in-chief of the Institute's translation series Classics in Tibet. He is also a member of the advisory board of the Mind and Life Institute, dedicated to fostering creative dialogue between the Buddhist tradition and Western science.
He is a Visiting Research Scholar at the Stanford Institute for Neuro-Innovation and Translational Neurosciences at Stanford University.
Geshe Thupten Jinpa has written many books and articles. His latest is A Fearless Heart: How the Courage to Be Compassionate Can Transform Our Lives.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRANSCRIPT:
Thupten Jinpa: I would define compassion in a nutshell as a natural sense of concern that arises in us in the face of someone who is in need or someone who is in pain. And accompanied by a kind of a wishing to see the relief or end of that situation and wanting to do something about it. So compassion is not just an emotional reaction. There is also a more motivational kind of element, which makes us want to do something about the situation. One of the interesting things about our contemporary modern society is that given the highly competitive nature of society and also the way in which we bring up our children and the way in which we ourselves grew up, which involved a huge amount of evaluation and judgment and comparison with others from a very, very early age. We have kind of internalized a certain kind of way of being in the world and perceiving our relationship with others. And that dynamic has created a certain kind of, you know, inhibitions against our natural compassionate instinct. So and these inhibitions really take primarily in the form of fear. So for example many people worry and are afraid that if they are too kind and too compassionate that other people will take advantage of them. They will see them as pushover or weak or losers. So that’s one type of fear that we bring.
Another type of fear that we bring is that, you know, because in popular understanding of compassion it’s so dominated by compassion as an emotion,......
To read the transcript, please go to. bigthink.com/v...

[@ashleyyoung8189]

Being compassionate truly fills me up. I don’t know how to be any other way.

[@Sebanoe]

I think people don't even love themselves to begin with, loving another person is very difficult task without loving yourself. People are always looking for validation ad acceptance especially through material goods and now through social media.

[@GT6SuzukaTimeTrials]

+Sebanoe It's hard to love something that you know is going to die someday.

[@QarthCEO]

+Sebanoe In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.

[@QarthCEO]

neokillall I love you, man.

[@Sebanoe]

neokillall Sounds like something from the art of war but i don't recall that part, what book is it from.

[@TheAleksandros]

+neokillall which book is that??

[@claudiap.6838]

My father was an extreme compassionate person. Dedicating the last big chunk of his life only to help others. His showed me so much love and showed me so much compassion, so much compassion for others... Because of that I became strong, my heart became warm towards people, and I feel like I have a strong, well placed heart. It is true that I suffer a lot for not having my father with me anymore, feeling weak for not handling the pain that his absence causes me, but my heart and my soul are definitely in the right place and his compassion made me strong! So people, don't be afraid to show all love and compassion you have to your children's. It will only make them strong!

[@interstategar]

Beautifully said...

[@antigov5275]

Sounds like an amazing person, as do you :) 💙

[@claudiap.6838]

Anti Government thank you for writing this kind replay. Since this comment of mine is 4 years old I have totally forgot about this comment and I’m now 8 months pregnant with my first child, a baby girl. What I wrote about not being afraid to show all love and compassion to children will serve me well now. ❤️

[@antigov5275]

@@claudiap.6838 indeed and no problem :) !! Take care you'll be a good mum

[@srf2112]

perfectly articulated. thank you

[@ache2741]

I think I'm a compassionate person but since going to university and starting work, my classmates and colleagues have taken advantage of me. It knocks me down every time I get used by them. But on the plus side I have developed deep relationships with those who see that I care, and that this is not a sign of weakness.

[@interstategar]

100 pct right. One thing for sure, if you help someone out, it feels great, and I think that's the proof, having compassion is good for us.

[@JohnNealJrYourProfessor]

People often attempt to take advantage of compassionate individuals, however one cannot live their lives with that sort of fear and concern. I choose to be compassionate, regardless of what people think or say. Please check out our video on the value of compassion and leave a comment. Thank you for the amazing content! Lets support each others channel.

[@ElNingyou]

It is discouraged by a culture engineered by those who profit from our apathy.

[@ingenjannik]

+ElNingyou It's totally not in our nature to prioritize our own well being over that of others.

[@ElNingyou]

+ingenjannik I trust your well being is just fine if you're commenting on KZbin videos.

[@ingenjannik]

***** It is. What's your point?

[@logical-functionsmodel9364]

+ElNingyou "It is discouraged by a culture engineered by those who profit from our apathy." I am sorry, but I disagree. Insecurity, yes, apathy, no................... It is much more profitable for the circulation of currency to remain moving, (yes, there are exceptions....)

[@logical-functionsmodel9364]

+ElNingyou "Apathy is death. Worse than death, because at least a rotting corpse feeds the beasts and insects." -Kreia :)

[@Canukles]

Very nice, a lot of youth need to be less afraid, relearn compassion.

[@pennymac16]

+CobNasties Seems like a harsh accusation. What is a sociopath to you?

[@Canukles]

+Nishant Pillai I'm not denying that either, but you see of kids nowadays with the edgy attitude where they just think it's cool to hate on everything.

[@pennymac16]

***** I wouldn't say it's flawed, but I would agree that it can hurt the effort of acting in an ethical manner.

[@hoosierfoodog]

They were raised by older generations. We have no one to blame but ourselves. They have showed that we have raised some foul institutions too

[@TheNavalAviator]

As humans used to live in small tribes we can feel strong compassion for a small number of persons while being able to not care about or even hate others. This is propably man's biggest flaw.

[@DrequimaX]

To be compassionate one has to have Heart of Platinum which takes too much out of one, unlike the selfish people.

[@iasydk]

So true and so very helpful for me to hear, THANK YOU

[@whealznelson1738]

there's nothing to really fear about because its all tricks our mind play on us and because of these panic we end hurting our self but the answer is simple to figure out if we can just calm down and together we communicate and i'm very sure we gonna work immortality out with just with just little effort which is greater than strong.

[@dayanandanongmaithem4234]

Don't ever try to define something so subtle as a feeling in words, you never will even if you live for eternity in searching for words that's measure the feeling in its entirety.

[@Mac-te2ej]

I agree that people think that they will get taken advantage of if they are to kind.

[@shyboyfso]

Its easy for me I have compassion, lack of this has ruined many lives alone.

[@JuliusUnique]

if you have a twinbrother or sister you cant imagine that people dont have compassion

[@ughhim83]

people try helping others and being compassionate but eventually wind up being taken advantage of and getting fucked over. They lose hope and become jaded.

[@FPKMASSACRE]

Very VERY well explained, his opinion, general talk and points made are very professionally and logically connected and I think that was a great talk :D

[@iiwha8082]

+FPKMASSACRE I suspect a lot of it is derived from buddhism. Which is a religion that has some real insights into the human mind.

[@logical-functionsmodel9364]

+FPKMASSACRE To be honest, I thought it was a gross oversimplification..... He didn't mention mirror neurons at all, which was disappointing at best, (to me.)

[@Drrck11]

Great video. The world needs to see this.

[@jeffreykalaw]

This should be thought in school. I just realized I lack this, When I went thru severe trial, I understood this. I look at people's pain differently....

[@rambo2670]

It's hard for us to be compassionate because people abuse and take advantage of compassionate people. /thread

[@ellibug4145]

Just because you have compassion does not mean you can’t have a strong minded side as well

[@SunnyApples]

This talk was spot on! Very good video.

[@chris14091975]

this is one of the best ones

[@allinone-qz2gi]

Couldn't agree more

[@anima94]

those fears are very reasonable so I don't really understand what you are supposed to do

[@sandreid87]

Anything in reality is natural, except for maybe humans inventions. Just because something is natural, doesn't mean it's easy for people.

[@thisnewfeatureisdum]

I think Empathy is the hardest.

[@216trixie]

Whenever an Asian person starts talking about these things I automatically listen and give great importance to what is said.

[@Epoch11]

Because we live in a money based society........that is why real compassion is impossible. The goal is to accumulate wealth. This will ALWAYS prevent true compassion for others.

[@Seannyskillz]

because greed and fear have poisoned men's souls

[@gameRevolt]

This is naive wishful-thinking. It is just as natural for humans to compete for dominance - dominance of land, property, ideas, hierarchically, in terms of reproduction, etc. If we want to be better we have to acknowledge and channel our negative side into something more positive, not just pretend we only have a positive side and some kind of negative 'culture' detracting from it (funny how every culture has always had wars...).

[@pennymac16]

+gameRevolt Huh, I didn't notice that he denied any of this.

[@gameRevolt]

pennymac16 He said all the negative behaviours come from our culture.

[@pennymac16]

gameRevolt I don't find that at all. He speaks of culturally acquired sensibilities, biases, and fears - specific ones at that ("...these are..."). Seems to me you were biased when watching, otherwise you wouldn't have come to this conclusion, or am I wrong here? And while I think there is a case to be made about the negative influence of society/culture on individual behavior, I don't subscribe to Rousseau's thesis regarding this. I agree with you otherwise.

[@gameRevolt]

Well, the video title is 'So why...', and it didn't mention our innate 'negative' traits, while it did mention them as cultural, so at best it's incomplete as an explanation. My bias is in wanting people to be honest with themselves and others, not do the common thing spiritual-minded people regarding wearing rose-tinted glasses - so yes, my shields were up before I pressed play.

[@pennymac16]

gameRevolt If I were you, I wouldn't pay attention to the video title. Big Think has a record of misrepresenting the video content with their titles. If you were to try and connect the title with what he says, then yes, I agree with you. However, if you seperate thesse two, I don't. Also, he didn't equate our "innate 'negative' traits" to cultural traits, you're making this up again. Might have been a grammatical error of yours, though.

[@francismausley7239]

Our Angelic nature has to dominate and guide our Animal nature. ~ Baha'i Thought

[@iiwha8082]

My lonliness explained.

[@DanielRenardAnimation]

-because xenophobia is the spice of the global economy through heinous, carefully orchestrated acts against humanity, that keeps the lifeblood of it flowing. Human kind made its greatest mistake some-hundred-thousand years ago, when we became a separated race. Sure, we have all these neat varieties of cultures to explode, all around this cherished little *mud-ball* of ours, but _HAHAHA OH MAN_ is this cute little fallacy, that is now our _destiny,_ setting us back...

[@VerlixStone]

Fucking smart.

[@arcadia3791]

Compassion is not hard for me and most people I know. What's wrong with you, making an assumption like this?

[@JasonGafar]

+Unarcadia Arcadia for someone who claims to be compassionate, you don't really come across as all that compassionate...

[@OmgEinfachNurOmg]

Sorry that I don't show compassion to men like hitler, stalin, lenin, mao ze dong or dschingis khan. Sorry that I'm afraid of people who are a huge thread to whole societies.

[@qhack]

Another problem is that one man's compassion is another's hateful act. Example: If I see a rabbit in the road that somebody hit, but it hasn't died yet, I will gladly run over it to put it out of it's misery. Another might see that as a complete lack of compassion as they would spend the time (and money) to take it to a vet.

[@qhack]

Yes, both are correct individually. However, it might create animosity if both are riding in the same vehicle. The whole point is that compassion is a relative scale depending on who's point of view we are considering.

[@interstategar]

How would you feel if you were in the middle of the road injured, and instead of helping you, a driver just ran you over, because they didn't want to take the time to help. Think about it. It might be just a myth that only human life matters.

[@NeoHunterPT]

my ex girlfriend !

[@billyvlavelle170]

It's not hard at all...

[@uhohhotdog]

If you have problems with compassion you're a sociopath. Or psychopath. It's easy if you're normal

[@sacmakiz]

Compassion is natural. GO VEGAN ✌💚

[@SuperMegaUltraPigeon]

No

[@iiwha8082]

+hocuspocus I have been fairly interested in the question of where ethics applies to how we should treat animals. I have never taken the position that all meat is wrong, but I was wondering how you could convince me otherwise. On second thoughts, this is the youtube comments section. Therefore the discussion will degenerate rapidly.

[@logical-functionsmodel9364]

+hocuspocus What about plants? They are living organisms too.

[@anima94]

+hocuspocus veganism sounds like a religion on the internet, comments like that hurt your cause more than they help, even if that sounds ridiculous to you

[@cortster12]

+hocuspocus Rape is natural as well. Cannibalism is natural as well. Saying something is natural doesn't mean anything. The reason you should be compassionate is because it is subjectively good by our culture to care about others, not because it is natural.

[@liquidcyberpunk]

this video explains paranoia not compassion.You have it or you don't.

[@ashleyyoung8189]

Nail on the head. “You have it of you don’t “ they say it’s a natural instinct I don’t agree I don’t feel it can be taught ! You either have it or you don’t

[@Jhonnycomelate]

Ever heard of the term neuroplasticity ?

[@sumosaikia8082]

capitalist can be compassionate too