COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY & INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA

[@blinktutorials2281]

I feel like I have so much built-up internalized homophobia from childhood- kids calling everything “gay” like it’s an insult, unaccepting adults saying heterosexuality is the only acceptable sexuality... It affects me so much every day.

[@nicole-vq4kt]

tbh same..it's like i've an online best friend,and we've been close for the past 2 years and we just feel like it's the right time us to be in a relationship bcz i love her so much and she's so sweet and stuff,adn the feelings are mutual...but i told her i need my time bcz i'm still figuring out whether i'm really prepared for something more serious,and internalized homphobia that i'm dealing with it's just so destructive that it affects me daily and whenever i'm telling myself that i'm bi ,the compulsory heterosexuality that's been built since early childhood in our subconciuness mind is just so powerful and it confuses me a lot so i can definetely feel you!

[@heatherwotherspoon7313]

totally understandable. it's super frustrating that the things/people around us can affect how we view ourselves. you will get through this though, i promise!

[@bea8169]

i feel like i have SO much compulsory heterosexuality, but like only with male celebrities. I identified as bi for years, but only dated/was interested in girls, finally came out as a lesbian, and i've been so much happier. It does get better bby's

[@albertoaguiar6293]

I am not gay but I support y'all 100%

[@KawaiiCat2]

I’m going through the same thing as you.

[@bea8169]

@@KawaiiCat2 hey i hope ur doing perfect and ur not too stressed. i hope ur getting enough, sleep, nutrients, and water. you are loved

[@fauster_R]

@@bea8169 omg ur so sweet. I'm dealing with all that stuff rn and it's really draining ugh

[@angelofnerdz676]

I'm going through it now but I'm lesbian. It sucks.

[@sarahgranger9404]

Comphet really isn't fun. I identified as bi for over one and a half years, because when I figured out I liked girls I never really thought about my attraction to guys, I just took it as a given. And from that point on all I wanted was to date girls. I told myself that it was just because even though I liked boys too I liked girls more. I kind of saw my "attraction" to boys as a burden. During the time I identified as bi I often found myself wishing I was a lesbian, because I wouldn't have to date boys (yeah I probably should have realised by then). About a month ago I started questioning my sexuality again. First I pushed the thoughts away, but the more I thought about it and the more I learned about compulsory heterosexuality (I really recommend the lesbian masterdoc if you're trying to figure out whether you're a lesbian or not) the more I realised that I wasn't attracted to boys. I started to identify as a lesbian a few weeks ago. It's still kind of weird to call myself that, especially in my native language German. I guess it's because I've often seen the German words 'Lesbe' and 'lesbisch' being used rather negatively, while the word 'lesbian' has very positive connotations for me, because I've only ever heard it in a positive context online. Sometimes I still question myself. Mostly because I'm still not sure if I might have been romantically attracted to boys in the past, even thought I'm definitely not now. The weirdest part about this situation is actually that I'm back in the closet now. I wasn't out to many people when I identified as bi, but at least a few and I was planning on coming out to some other people. I really want to tell one of my friends soon, because I know she will be super supportive. Anyways writing this comment was kind of therapeutic for me tbh and maybe it helps someone else too. Edit: It's been almost a year since I wrote this comment and I've been identifying as a lesbian for a little over a year now. I've become so much more comfortable with the label and I've become more confident in general. Last fall I came out to my friend group as a lesbian and they were all very supportive. At this point I'm out to most people in my life and I'm doing a lot better than I was a year ago. So if you're going through something similar right now maybe this can give you some hope.

[@lovecrafts7670]

Sarah Granger this is literally exactly how I feel. Thanks for sharing, I feel way less alone ;)

[@sarahgranger9404]

@@lovecrafts7670 Great that my comment helped you! Feeling alone is probably one of the worst things when you're in the closet, at least for me. Simply because you can't really talk to anyone about the stuff you're going through. But it's reassuring for me to hear that there's someone else in a similar situation.

[@Venbetta]

@@sarahgranger9404 dude I went through the same thing, except I was bi for almost 5 years. I came out a few weeks ago as lesbian.

[@ABCDEFG-xr7ty]

I feel the exact same way, also about the languages!! But I've decided to reclaim "lesbisch" now. Words can only hurt us if we let them

[@daisyflower1545]

Same. I figured out i liked girls and thought I was bi because it seemed impossible that I wouldn't like guys even though for most of college I didn't think I liked guys. I identified as bi for 9 months before I figured I'm just gay. Like you, I always wished I was a lesbian, when I was straight and bi. When I found out i liked girls, I literally only dated girls. My dating profiles were girls only. I just told myself I liked girls more I also don't like the word lesbian. It was used negatively throughout my childhood.

[@dianastalkshow]

You should do ASMR. Your voice is so soothing and satisfying lmaoo

[@_gr4yz]

Diana Sanchez agreed

[@sarahsloan4456]

*_Three Things That Don't Exist:_* The Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and a Gay Person Who Doesn't Have Any Internalized Homophobia! 😂🤣

[@Pixemie]

I'm omnisexual and I was raised to think it's bad until I started using TikTok. TikTok guided me to a happier person who discovered their true self. :)

[@taylorpaige5278]

thank you for making a video about this! i identified as bi for about four years but just a few months ago i came out as a lesbian. comp het is horrible, and i still experience it. for example, i found that i still wanted guys to like me and desire me, but i have never desired them. it’s like i wanted their attention, but at the same time as soon as i got it i would be so uncomfortable and want nothing to do with them. it’s normal to want others to find you appealing, but what do YOU want, regardless of what others think of you? who do YOU want to be with? those are the big questions i asked myself. i confused the deep rooted and ingrained feeling of wanting to be liked by men that i was taught as a young age as attraction. which clearly, it is not. to any of you struggling, we are all in this together!!! :)

[@lf3862]

YES THIS omg

[@manabixd9098]

Our homosexual queen supports blm we continue to Stan ÒwÓ

[@kg395]

calling myself bisexual has always been a struggle, because I just didn't fit the label. I tried having relationship with men but it just felt so dull and the only time I wanted men was when they were unattainable. it's been hard and it's hard to actually label myself.

[@uglyboi8262]

that makes a little too much sense

[@KawaiiCat2]

This video made me realize something! I realized that comp het exists even in commercials. I mean have you ever seen a family friendly commercial with an LGBTQ family? No. This is terrible and I think it needs to change!

[@stephaniewibowo7063]

I currently identify as asexual aromantic but I had soooo much compulsive heterosexuality growing up and I could really relate. During puberty my female friends would have excitement about the opposite sex but I never felt the same, to the point that some people started thinking that I was lesbian due to my lack of interest in boys. As I entered my 20s, I still didn’t develop sexual/romantic attraction to men. But I wanted to be heterosexual in order to fit in and be seen as “normal” so I dated men. However there was something always off when I dated men. It felt like a chore because I had no kind of sexual/romantic attraction to men. And I would just move on from one boyfriend to the next thinking that I would develop some sort of attraction to them (which is absolutely ridiculous). And sleeping with men was as boring as watching grass grow and I painfully wanted sex to end as soon as possible. I only saw heterosexuality being portrayed in the media and so desperately wanted to be straight to please my family/peers. But the more I dated men the more I became unhappy. And now I’ve realized that I was probably never straight and slowly unlearning heteronormativity is a whole other process.

[@blaceeeee]

im lesbian but somehow im always afraid what if this guy likes me, what if that guy likes me and it pressure me so much because ik the norm is "boy and girl fall in love" and that has been in my mind for years even after i came out as lesbian and now im torn if i do like guys just because i think guys and girls cant be friends

[@deIcorazon]

been struggling with both my whole entire life and still am, as i'm still figuring out who i really am and it really isn't fun but videos like yours really help out a lot, so thank you very much

[@s0lar3cl1pse9]

Thank you so much for making this video. I didn’t know what compulsory heterosexuality and now my entire life makes perfect sense to me. I still have internalized homophobia but I’m excited to get over it and spend the rest of my life with a woman :3 Tysm

[@_kuraaiii]

When I was in the 2nd grade, our entire school of 300 students had to participate in some sort of play of Wizard of Oz. I was a munchkin. Dorothy was an 8th or 9th grader who I found extremely pretty. I would stare at her during rehearsals, I became friends with her sister who was in the same grade, and I always felt excited to go to rehearsals because I knew I'd get to see her. It didn't feel weird. When I was in the 3rd grade, my mom teased me all year saying I had a crush on a certain boy. It felt awkward, although he was actually a great friend of mine. I felt like I was to actually like that boy, since everyone my mom talked to started teasing me as well. That included my entire family. This made me extremely uncomfortable, but I kinda thought it was for the better after a few years cuz when people started asking who my previous crushes were, I'd just tell them it was him. When I was in the 4th grade, I found two 8th graders and a sophomore extremely pretty. I'd stare at them secretly when I could, and I befriended the sophomore. I joined the art club where one of the 8th graders were in (she was a great artist), and claimed I had a crush on the younger brother of the other 8th grader (not the artist), who was in the same grade as I was. I didn't have a 'crush' on another person for until I was in the 6th grade. I told people he was my crush like until the 10th grade. When I was in the 7th grade, I met a girl online and considered her as my 'bestfriend'. We talked day and night, and read the same books. On her birthday, I wrote her 15 (her age) letters mainly talking about what I liked about her and how happy I was cuz she was my 'bestfriend'. We stopped talking after like a year so that's that. During this year, my friends started talking to boys, talking about boys, and getting boyfriends. I thought something was completely wrong with me because I really didn't find any of their boys attractive at all. Like I'd straight up make a face when they'd say they like that guy from section IV. 🙄 I convinced myself that I really just have HIGH standards. When I was in the 10th grade, they started making fun of these 'standards', saying I'd end up an old maid cuz I was wishing for a saint. Hahaha. Then I had this absolutely gorgeous friend. She was only a bit shorter than me, and I'm pretty tall for a girl in my country, and we had so much in common. We also were in the same circle. We'd go to places together, go home together even though we lived so far away from each other, eat together, do things together, and just talk and talk all the time. This was the first time I knew something was weird. I started wanting to see her more, be with her more, touch her skin, be her only friend, be her go to person and all that. I didn't feel that way for my other friends, and we're like all so close with each other. I called her my bestfriend. Haha frickin bestfriend. Anything she would ask, I would do in a heartbeat. Regardless of what I had planned for myself, if she needed help with something, I'd friggin go to her rescue. I would make her essays, her other projects, and really be there for her whenever. But like she was only ever there for me when she needed something. I didn't really care tho. That went on the entire year. She had to transfer schools when we were in the 11th grade. It was far so we couldn't see each other anymore. She would visit us at school every Friday, but that was that. I started to feel less for her, and when I did, that was when I actually confirmed that I didn't just see her as a friend before. I actually did like her so much. I realized that when I realized I wouldn't do the same things for her now, but she was still my friend. We stopped talking like we used to. That same year, I acknowledged my helpless attraction for women. But I still wasn't comfortable with not liking guys, so I convinced myself that I liked guys. I like him cuz he's smart/funny/great at sports/cute, but I totally didn't find those attractive at all. I mean, sure that guy's handsome. He has abs and muscles, but so what? He's got a dimple, so what? He's smart, sure, so I admire his brains, but he's not attractive. I masturbated to straight porn and that kind of relaxed me a bit cuz I'd get all hawt watching it. Then I befriended another person. She's fond of Psychology, so we talked a lot. I felt so attracted to her and I just knew I never felt it with guys. It was like with girls, even their voice would make me swoon, but even if a guy gave me a boquet of flowers or took me to dates, he'd never be able to make me feel that way. I only recently admitted to myself that I'm actually a lesbian. Like, maybe a week ago. It just made everything make so much sense. I now know why I feel weird being flirted on by a guy. I now know why I see guys as friends and friends alone. I mean, it's not that I think all guys are ugly, they just don't make me feel the way girls do. They don't cause me to stay up all night, they don't give me butterflies in my stomach or anything. I just don't see myself being with a guy and being truly happy about the romanticxphysical relationship simultaneously. It's been great coming to terms with that. I'm not out cuz that's another hard part. My family's homophobic, but I think I'll figure that out someday. But I've been reading stuff about lesbian culture so I could fit in better with the lesbians I'll meet in the future, especially in college, and those things just made me feel so scared. Like, what if I'm not actually lesbian and 'I'll find a guy who would marry me and make me happy' and all that. 'What if I'm actually just a bisexual who likes girls like crazy?' Cuz celebrity guys are still good looking. Cuz when I talk to a guy friend and think about kissing them, it just feels awkward and weird. But when I see girls and think of kissing them, I have problems trying not to get all tomato or smile. I'm also kinda worried cuz I really wanna be all honest about it but I don't wanna end up getting judged because I got off on straight porn. This video just made me sure. I love it. I won't even worry about it anymore. Like even watching movies and porn with straight couples as the protagonists make me cringe now. I'm sure I wanna marry a woman. I'm sure I wanna be with a woman every single day. I'm sure I wanna hold a woman's hand, kiss her, touch her, love her. I just can't do that with a man.

[@angela1357BTR]

This whole story is so beautiful ❤️

[@evangelianickolas6850]

Comphet is so confusing!! I can't tell if it's comphet or if I'm straight. I've been identifying as bi for the past 3 years but it doesn't really feel right anymore bc I want to be able to say I'm a lesbian sooo bad but I just can't tell how I feel about boys. I notice when they are attractive and stuff which confuses me because I don't like the thought of dating one or having a boyfriend, heck I don't even like movies unless their gay, straight ones just aren't for me lol, but like???? What if I'm faking it and I'm actually straight and I'm actually genuinely attracted to boys and not girls and I've just convinced myself I'm a lesbian because I want to be even though I'm not? Sorry for the rant lol

[@feli1542]

Omg this is kind of my problem too

[@kg395]

have you checked out the am I a lesbian master doc? it talks about what you feel in more detail!

[@lollipoplexey650]

I feel you girl, I'm going through this now. I'm talking to a trans girl atm, and I'm bisexual. I've dated more guys than girls, and it scares me to actually go on a date with this girl. I feel like I'm gonna let my extended Christian family down because I like a girl. I feel like I should be with a guy because that would make my family happy, and you know- grandkids for the parents, but every guy I've been with it hasn't exactly worked out. I don't know I'm just rambling at this point but could use some advice. Thank you for pointing this out!

[@albertoaguiar6293]

It's not about your parents to be happy it's about you to be happy if you want to date a girl go for it because if you keep dating a guy for your family to get happy you never going to be happy because you deserve to be happy

[@albertoaguiar6293]

I think you are lesbian because you said that every time you would date a guy and never works out for you so it means that you are lesbian

[@oraclezone5026]

You can date whoever you want whether their a girl or boy, as long as you share a respectful, positive and healthy relationship. Don't date or dump someone just for your family's approval. Oracle ✨🐞🐾🎧❤

[@daria-gd4fe]

thank you so much for this video heather, I've been really struggling with compulsory heterosexuality and I didn't even realize it. listening to your experiences is very eye-opening and it helped me a lot with understanding my own feelings

[@cerysmccready5972]

Girl do want u want and don't let anyone tell u what to do live it life as the fullest and stay safe

[@exist444u]

this video helped me so much :,) thank you so much for going over like every aspect of how it feels for you, what you went through and how you try to overcome internalized homophobia and such to this day

[@lilyglynn1840]

Hey heather I just wanted to say thank you! U have helped me with coming out to my friends, some of my family and many other people. I just wanted to say thank you for the advice and confidence your videos gave me ❤️ You are amazing 💗

[@thelife9594]

How did they react? I haven’t told mine and I’m just so scared I think I’m bi idk

[@lilyglynn1840]

The Life I have only told my sister and my grandparents but from that they were very supporting and the advice I could give is that you are you and if people don’t see that then they are awful people. ♥️

[@owleyes8777]

I struggle with it so much, I need to come to terms with myself 🥺. I feel so bad about who I am when I come around straight girls. All they do is talk about boys and it’s exhausting because I can’t relate at all. I’m in love with other femmes, and every time I look at a girls I feel bad and uneasy. Great content, I love your channel 🥺❤️.

[@eva5897]

0 dislikes. Just proves how amazing heather’s content is

[@sienalaura1740]

Actually tho

[@blinktutorials2281]

I love this channel so much! Keep the videos coming, Heather! ❤️

[@sadetucker2094]

Comphet really opened my eyes to my sexuality. I came out as bi probably about 3 years ago. It went well with some people, and not so well with others. That experience alone was so horrific that I'm not even sure if I want to come out as a lesbian. Part of me says that I'll let everyone feel and think what they choose, and another part wants to say screw that, and tell them.

[@harryferguson1812]

Thank you for making this video. I know I am struggling with both of these things, expecially since it's very hard to not feel bi, even tho I'm lesbian, when it's all pushed on us even by things like tv and social media

[@lemonspiceerr1233]

Thank you so much for doing this. When I was trying to figure out if I was bisexual I had this internalised homophobia. When ever I was trying to get sexually aroused ( lol ) about girls I didn’t get horny at all and it wasn’t because I wasn’t attracted to girls it was because there was this thing inside of me calling me disgusting and it just didn’t make me feel right in the head honestly I felt so ashamed.

[@rebeccaflutters5179]

Hi Heather. I just want to say that I really appreciate and enjoy all these videos you make. It's been a year since realising who I was in terms of sexuality and seeing all your videos with Alliah is great, you guys are so cute! Thank you for everything you do on KZbin!

[@justinfelton5323]

Hi, Heather.☺☺☺☺☺☺☺. I love your beautiful laptop with decals and stickers.💖💖💖💖💖💖💖. When I graduated from high school in 2006, I was at the parking lot and thinking about marriage and having kids. However, I will not go to an empty alley and see two people arguing each other and being alone. As a matter of fact, I can find some people to help with their feelings and being together as a team.💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@franziskar.2700]

Hey, I'm kind of late, but I just wanted to tell you that this video helped me so much! For such a long time I was questioning my sexuality and thinking I would want to be a lesbian, but I wasn't actually one. I thought I had to feel ashamed, because I was just seeking attention. Now I informed myself about comphet and it was such a relief to not be alone with my thoughts. Realising that "wanting to be a lesbian" can actually be a sign for compulsory heterosexuality/being gay, honestly improved my general mental wellbeing so much. Also your voice just really gave me the feeling, that I didn't have to worry and it stopped my overthinking and questioning for a few hours. Thank you!

[@albertoaguiar6293]

I am so glad that you make this video because it helps a lot of girls to be they self because everybody deserve to be happy

[@Loverofallthingsliving]

Thank you for this video I thought I was bi but after reading up on comphet I’m starting to realise I may be gay

[@ottomechanic1370]

Wow!! This is my first time viewing your channel. I remember....being fearful of all those emotional feelings as you probably still experience from time to time, when your partner and you are out in public. Hopefully, your more comfortable and relaxed. Yes, it's the other person's issue to deal with. I wish people were not hurtful just because another person may love differently. It's certainly not easy when we have been raised to think, act and behave a certain way. The expectations and pressures are hard enough, but if your having to deal with an identity crisis, it makes it more complicated indeed. It was great hearing from a new generational perspective. Best wishes to your partner and you.. Thank you.

[@cloudyskies9591]

Thank you I tried many things to feel better with comphet and not much works but this video did ^^ Im a lesbian who just wants to live their life without comphet 24/7

[@kathleenjohnston2230]

Yes a new video,love it,keep the good work up,🥰🥰🥰

[@yfkejongsma2082]

Thank you so much for making this video 🥰

[@topkinz4490]

This video was very helpful I’m having a really hard night, and I really appreciate these words they helped me a lot, thank you ❤️

[@heatherwotherspoon7313]

this made my heart so happy! i promise it’ll all be okay. sending my love. 🤍🤍🤍

[@topkinz4490]

@@heatherwotherspoon7313 thank you so much! ❤️❤️

[@abraham9181]

🌈❤This is a good video, Heather, just keep it up and I support you❤🌈

[@stargirlabi_111]

i struggle with this in the way that i get so ashamed of liking a female anime character, ill even throw up out of anxiety. I hate myself. i wish i wasnt bi. (i am though, im working on this) i constantly tell myself its all just for attention, you dont even like girls, everybody wants to kiss the same sex, its just friendship etc. i wish i could just accept myself already.

[@angelofnerdz676]

It's hard to call myself lesbian because of what I struggle with. I have amazing friends that are mostly boys and I would always get myself confused if our relationship is platonic or not. But at the end of the day it's platonic af and it was just comphet telling me "If you have guy friends, you have to like them." I can relate to the internalized homophobia because I would always feel like it's a crime to like girls and I would always think about what people think of me. I don't have a girlfriend yet but I'm truly more attracted to women than men. It bothers me everyday, any tips?

[@ehernorddeutsch]

Many years ago in our former Disco come people, we all called "new romantics". They were thrown out from there own disco, because thy are gay. They were were shy but I talked to them. Then they have talked me there Story of homophobia. Years later in our clique was a couple of two girls. First I was shocked, I don't realized whats going on. After that, I liked them both as a couple as well. Heather, you are right. The love as a fact is always a problem to people whom not love other people include themselves. You are definitely right, in my own story i am straight, but time after time it make sense to questioned myself. Times are changing, and many people who don't like gay people will able to be in exactly this situation - they will be gay in future, but they don't know. That's the reason I say: Happy pride month all gay people, be pride of your sexuality!

[@_kuraaiii]

Why are there even four dislikes???

[@theultimatewolf5704]

💜💜😊😊🥺

[@lorenellecajimat5113]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@mrboxoffice9089]

Hello ♥️✨🌻

[@ysiadnatallapan5420]

💙💙💙

[@artemsmirnov1134]

2:35 so attraction is not real.