CONFESSIONS FROM A SEX COACH FOR MEN ft.

Here’s what men don't tell you about how to be a better intimate partner…How do you get your man to go from bland to blazing in bed? Why should men stop watching porn? How do you encourage your man to ask for what he wants in bed? Are you missing out on pleasure by not using breathwork? Alex Grendi is a certified men’s sex coach who specializes in performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. He’s here to talk about the importance of asking for what you want in the bedroom AND the struggle (especially for men) of figuring out what that REALLY is. Some of you have mentioned that you like the longer solo interview episodes and that’s what this is.
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[@Em-yt8cr]

LMAO "it's gonna hurt" 😂

[@dubai-tv]

You can be against watching porn and be very confident in yourself. I think Shan's example with what if she only watches big dick porn was way to simplistic. He even expanded later on that there are multiple ways how porn is harmful for his overall pleasure. I think I am just dissapointed that i never see men empathising with how porn effects women. They just think about how they could not get hard, because of porn. And thats' it that is why porn = bad. He even talked about how derrogatory 90 percent of porn is, and still he said he wants a woman who is "confident" enough in herself, to be okay with him watching it. The way I understand, is he wants someone who is not critical of his arousal patterns. Which is valid. But do not conflate this with confidence. And to add to Shan's question about what is unique about you. You can still be confident in your value without having a sales pitch about your unique selling point. People are not products, interactions are not transactions. I get that self reflection and describing postive things about oneself can be beneficial. I just had the impuls to say that the way Shan talked about this in the first segment sounded very american coming from a european gal.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Preach. Shan was trying too hard here and I wish she'd be honest and admit none of what she said would mean anything if she didn't look the way she does. I've never heard a man criticise porn for the effects on the women taking part. Actually I might be getting cynical as I get older, but I don't think that men empathise with women at all, but ESP when it reduces sexual/visual access to women's bodies. I'm beginning to see what Princella means.

[@gk3330]

He sounds like he has a porn addiction. It amazes me how he is a coach. He has no qualifications to be giving advice.

[@sheena-marieroots4706]

So your man is fantasizing about women who look nothing like you and you’re supposed to find a way to harmonize with it? What about the damage that does to a woman’s self esteem and confidence; not only that but it would turn me off completely. How could you not compare? There is nothing insecure about a woman wanting her man to desire her primarily. I’ve dealt with a man who constantly watched porn and took in imagery of women who were the opposite of me and it affected our connection and sex life. If anyone can explain his logic feel free to chime in, cause I don’t get it. I would like to see the original interview as well.

[@TheVListPodcast]

Shan!!! You were preaching directly to me in the beginning 🙏🏾 I’ve fallen victim to comparing myself to other amazing women … but you’re right! I’m the ISH too! I’m a freaking Wagu Steak! These men better recognize! 😅

[@mariemaier5630]

Why would you want TY be the dead flesh from a murdered animal? ..odd!

[@QueenInCursive]

I’m halfway through this interview and I have to admit….Alex still seems like he has a lot to learn. It appeared that Shan was expanding upon his statements and leading the entire conversation. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like his only point of interest was being more vocal/communicative with your partner/partners. That’s something I had to cultivate in my mid to late 20s. Scientifically, sex begins and ends in the mind. And I completely agree. It’s an all encompassing and comprehensive feeling of how I feel in the moment, how I feel about my partner in that moment and overall, and how my day has been going.

[@pipperlue]

He’s meeting men where literally most of them are…at the beginning. They have to start somewhere. I think if he spoke like a transcended sex guru, most men would write him off and not listen at all

[@Somelikeitthrift]

⁠@@pipperluehe’s still young and has a lot to learn because right now he’s speaking to a woman so why act like you’re speaking to men

[@ailynnmckae1130]

I just have to disagree with you. It seems like we didn’t even listen to the same podcast. He clearly touched on so many important points for both women and men. And I’d actually say that Shan was more quiet than usual and took a lot of information in.

[@pipperlue]

@@Somelikeitthrift Because his job is to help men. He works with men. So he’s answering questions from the general male perspective…not necessarily where he personally is.

[@novacaine_]

What seems like common knowledge to you is not necessarily for others and at one point wasn't for you either

[@ailynnmckae1130]

Shannon, reading these comments I think you should do an episode on dismantling sex myths. It seems like people still don’t understand that sex is a very personal thing and will look differently for everybody. Maybe have a group discussion type of thing with people of different sexual orientations, ages, relationship statuses, maybe even religions. Something similar to a Jubilee middle ground video but the topic being sex. Just to get a fresh perspective on sex from different demographics, I think that would be so helpful and educational! Thanks again for this podcast and the work you do it means a lot to so many people

[@borngreat-4-life930]

Simply put some people have a uninformative upbringing about sex. Their upbringing sums everything up. 😂 😂

[@notl33t]

Personally, I like that his main thing is just getting dudes to communicate with whomsoever they happen to be having sex with. That's the struggle, honestly. As long as you're engaging in sex with another person, if you're in a relationship where its more than sex, there are going to be insecurities and misunderstandings even within one's self. I think a lot of times we come to a sexual relationship not knowing what the other person wants or what we want before we try things.

[@cechernandez]

Loveddd this episode. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again many times but I’m so thankful for the content you put out Shan. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@alexis8173]

this was a good episode. I've just discovered this channel, has Shan ever had a discussion with someone that identifies as a late bloomer? (someone that started dating later in life, early 20s for example ) I would love to see a conversation like that.

[@lillard831]

oh that would be such an interesting episode

[@UrBigSisKey]

I actually grew up in China, and kissing each others nipples extensively was the normal… and so was very soft sensual style. Some men here don’t realize what they are missing out 😂

[@MarshmilloJB]

Wait, you grew up in China? 😃 fascinating! Which area?

[@Just.Kayla21]

Enjoyed this episode and the insight it provided .

[@pipperlue]

I clicked so fast. He’s my favorite guest!

[@FeedMeGoodChefNunu]

I absolutely love Alex on this show. I'm coming up to my 5 year anniversary with my partner and wanted to change up our sex life. We are very passionate, but I realised that I haven't given him more of what he wanted or needed as a partner. After really listening to what you and Alez spoke about, I want to do more role play and be more vocal and pleasure him how he wants it because that'd be my greatest joy. Thank you so much Shan, been an long long time sub, and I have learnt so much from your channel! Love your honesty always. X

[@kaybranch4514]

Wow. Very insightful. Thank you.

[@comptonzfinest]

Shan, you need to show people (literally) how to rate and review.. it’s not easy to find (imo). Jared did it for his pre save and it was 👌🏽

[@ashabell2089]

I think I would be so uncomfortable with my partner asking me what I want verbally in the moment , up like as a lighthearted conversation I’m down hahahah I would love that 😂 I love this whole talk . Having a real talk about the mental obstacles and how they present or how they can present in the bedroom, people are so complex and using “Korn” as a guide does a disservice to both parties.

[@whitneytrinh4307]

I agree that men should express themselves more during any intimate or sexual experience. I know for me, personally, that is the biggest turn on for me. I’m very vocally expressive so I want my partner to be as well.

[@create2liberate]

I thought I had to be with women because there aren't men that are into this level of exploration. He gives me some hope. I appreciate the way he looks at this subject for sure!!

[@shanalegrant6931]

OMG Shan!!!! This episode was the absolute bomb! I wish we could have y’all talk at least twice a month!!

[@shannonseth-ward5008]

She way you had to pause to untie your shirt- hilarious. This happens to me all the time Hahahha

[@katherineperez2565]

I need this today ❤

[@Somelikeitthrift]

He contradicts himself. He said if he does orgasm he’s bored but then he said he has more fun without orgasm and penetrative sex. He has a lot to learn. Shan has way more experience and I feel like her being in committed long term relationships help.

[@katherinechase3674]

Let's face it, in our late teens years, and often early 20's hetero sex is really a bit of a mess! Especially before longer, stable, and loving relationships are at play these awful stereotypes connected to porn go on and on. The questions on this particular podcast were best suited for those in their 20's. For me, at 53 now, they felt flat- no offense to anyone. I just watched the Indian lady who spoke about the Karma Sutra as my first video here, so these are just different discussions. I've dealt with the porn sex stuff in my 20's- a long time ago :)

[@Maoshelly]

Girl. The beginning of this vid. Suuuuuuch a fucken strong beginning and i am ALL for it! Because i am finally there as to that person. That me. Aint. O one like me. Back on track lol: But then i got to the middle. And then the end. This episode is really something else! ❤❤❤

[@Maoshelly]

This ep helped me realize alot more about myself and what i want even more now with a partner while having sex.

[@js_mommabear2694]

All this verbal communication about it kills the desire to me. I would be very turned off if my man asked me and communicated the way this man does. It makes it feel transactional. I think it’s personal preference and it’s not necessarily good advice to say everyone should approach it like this. Good talk, though. I gained a new male perspective, which makes a lot of sense.

[@Somelikeitthrift]

Quick question, do you enjoy food? If you never cooked your own food and only ate what someone else made but they included an ingredient that you didn’t like would you continue eating it? This can apply to anything you enjoy.

[@drnstjhn]

i agree with this point. its like hes doing the opposite of what he talks against, which is being in your head. he could be just an awkward, clumsy guy who needs instructions. but people shouldnt need to talk about sex to have good sex in my opinion. it should be a flow. its more of a turn-on when your partner can naturally satisfy you. he said your parter cant know how to satisfy you without you telling them but i highly disagree

[@ailynnmckae1130]

You literally need to talk about sex to have GOOD sex. Porn has really changed the way people view sex thinking that it’ll all just flow and be intuitive, but even the actors are discussing what the porno will look like before they start shooting. Y’all say you don’t wanna talk about it but then that’s why people end up in uncomfortable situations where they aren’t receiving pleasure.

[@drnstjhn]

@@ailynnmckae1130 if you cant genuinely tell if your partner is receiving pleasure, thats on you. not everyone needs to have a dialogue around sex to have powerful, intimate, enjoyable sex. it baffles me how some people cant even believe good sex can happen like that

[@butterflymage5623]

@@drnstjhngood sex can happen naturally more often but great sex in my experience requires communication especially for new lovers. Otherwise the orgasm gap wouldn’t be a thing.

[@Tyrell4Real]

“ yeaaa suck it , suck it like that “ 😂😂😂 Shan you are hilarious !

[@amark8786]

LOVERS AND FRIENDS!

[@comptonzfinest]

Only six minutes in🔥🔥🔥😂

[@indiasurgeon1487]

How do I work with you guys! I love this podcast. I’ve always wanted to be apart of something like this. My sexual experience is all over the place.

[@tiffanytrowers1117]

Listen listen listen.....this was a whole course.....

[@JustSavwill]

So if you can’t make your partner orgasm it’s not a match ? Women are wired differently than men. Like it takes time. Learn your partner over time. Not end things. That’s weird as fuck. @ 30:30

[@BigSoul29]

I think there is something to say about the fact that he needed to rely on substance to have sex. He says he was comfortable with it but I think this is what happens when we teach people it's fine to have sex outside of marriage. Sex is designed to bond us, if you're not planning on remaining bonded with someone, having sex will just lead to hurt... time and time again.

[@PrincessOfTheYew]

This doesn’t apply to everyone. I actually agree with you that sex is best in a committed partnership, but thinking that it’s only for marriage has led to so many people getting married too soon, too young, staying with abusive partners etc. Sex in marriage can also lead to hurt. I think a huge take away is sex is best with trust: not only with your partner, but also with yourself. And trust is something you build with time and a willingness to understand through curiosity, and time communication. You could argue marriage can give couples a sense of security to build trust, but to believe this law binding union applies to ALL people sounds like an idea rooted in anxiety.

[@nat2562]

Not everyone wants to get married and not everyone should get married so we should not be encouraging this mentality. I grew up in a very religious environment, surrounded by purity culture, and it only made my life worse. Let’s stop trying to prescribe the same lifestyle to everyone because it doesn’t work. If the old relationship model worked for everyone the divorce rate would not be what it is today.

[@drnstjhn]

@@nat2562my sentiments exactly

[@kinndah2519]

Shan my dear, we lookin lovely today🎀

[@NajeraRasel-cd2wl]

Nice

[@CaribbeMa11]

I listened to this episode before seeing it and gotta say his voice is sexy. The deep growl like exhale?! Oh my.

[@sheeva3.0]

GIMME DA GIRTH BEBE

[@MsKharv]

I cant understand how he is pro porn... the research shows its not good for relationships.

[@gk3330]

Cuz he’s addicted he has no soul just look at his eyes

[@linahmacharia9698]

Be like Sushi. My entire takeaway.

[@smome7773]

👀

[@EssentialsSpa-mx4pf]

WOW good point they cant receive what they want ???? light bulb moment

[@prettychevy3138]

I agree with the moaning. Had a guy do that and at 1st I was like “what” 😑 bc I had never heard a man moan. but then . was like 🫨 😵💦 blew my fN mind.

[@warrantykweenwithak5431]

@prettychevy3138 I find great pleasure and enjoyment when a man moans it is a big turn on for me.

[@JD-jp2fw]

Oh dear talk about low expectations for his dream woman. Just date some Women in their 40's to foster your confidence and open your mind to other possibilities and qualities.

[@Rene411]

It's so funny how all these types of shows interview one whole human being with their own opinions and POV and passes it off as if it's a collective opinion and POV or that it should be a model on opinion or POV. It's ridiculous. This guy is just a guy. It's great he thinks that but his views are not pentacle.

[@amark8786]

Daaaauumm New year?? Cause I’m gunna smoke Now I don’t love him… BIGGER PROBLEMSSSSS 🫣🙆🏾‍♀️

[@shannonlovesacting]

He didnt answer how your partner can experience what they want with you...? Like wanting someone with big boobs...ideas?

[@adinastotler8157]

Shan you have s3x appeal lol don’t say that you don’t !

[@ao6685]

How did this guy change tops? This was so boring

[@Nathiofficial]

I just gotta say the sex appeal is appealing Shan.