Contemplating Friendships After Late Autism Diagnosis

[@alexs4446]

I have a cat that demands to lay across my shoulders like a scarf. He is heated and weighs 9 lb, and with the added purring. If he sees me in a shutdown state he will jump to my shoulders any way he can even if I try to stop him, he is a blessing and can take me right out of that state in like less than a minute😅

[@autisticrobotdragon17]

It can definitely be isolating as an autistic/ADHD adult. I tend to just purposely isolate myself when I’m feeling down because communication requires so much energy. But at the same time I honestly feel like I have no one to talk to cause I feel like no one understands me. It’s pretty lonely at times

[@lindadunn8787]

At age 73, I most likely will not invest in the autism diagnostic process for myself. Over the course of years following my first breakdown/burnout I've been both blessed and burdened by many therapies and medical interventions. DBT has helped immensely. And ACT prepared me for receiving that. And there have been countless 12 step meetings. And church. And family. And friends. Until. Yeah, until. The next brave burnout. Or was it reckless burnout? It wasn't reckless until I saw it for what it was. And the lenses of the autism spectrum helped my vision regarding my need for accounting for my own well-being. Receiving support effectively continues to challenge my tolerance. Looking back I can see much evidence for justifying the resentment others developed for my seemingly bottomless pit of need being there for them to deal with. I keep learning. Some lessons are painful and some are pleasant. Locating the boundary between my need and the healthy respectful availability and capacity of anyone to be someone for me to lean on? Me first now. I've discovered that. Locating my limits helps me a whole lot. Accepting is different than locating. Gotta identify before I accept or reject. Like gravity. Happy Monday. I prefer French Roast, too.

[@Pjolter365]

It made me so happy when you play the jingle, although it was about yourself🙂. Last week was demanding, but also good. I hadd a very regulated weekend👍. I also found out I need help I my life, and it got som much easier to ask for it and get support after I found you I am autistic and got diagnosed. My sister is my safe person and she really take good care of me now when I need some ekstra support. Hope you will get the support you need in this period Claire. Have a regulert and safe week everyone!

[@AutumnSunn]

You lifted me out of a funk this morning - thank you!! 🙂 This week I'm feeling overwhelmed with so much practical and emotional work. I'm going to work on giving myself a few minutes every morning to map out my day on paper with fun colors in hopes it gives me both structure and sensory pleasure, as well as (hopefully) relieving some anxiety 🤞

[@whitneymason406]

I got a callback last week and I accepted! I'll be a substitute for the Headstart and Early Headstart programs in my area. I just need my background check and references checked, and then I can start. I'm a little anxious getting back into the workforce, but I'm excited. It'll be nice to contribute more to my family and have a little disposable income. I really need to buy a new pair of tennis shoes. Hope you have a great week, Claire and friends! 💞 PS: love Paul! Really looking forward to the podcast!

[@lindaT82]

Congratulations!! That is great news - best wishes for your new job!!

[@whitneymason406]

@lindaT82 thank you so much! 💞

[@Pjolter365]

Congratulations Whitney🙂!!!. Hope you get the acomedations you need at the new jobb🙏

[@whitneymason406]

@Pjolter365 thank you! 😊

[@lashadi1445]

Congratulations, that's awesome!! 🎉😊❤

[@furisjourney]

Good Morning, Clare! Gosh, you are up early today! I like dark roast as well. Yes, I understand it is true lighter coffee is higher in caffeine - and is also in acidity. But I like what I like and that's that! 😂

[@autisticMargo]

Thanks for your insight and encouragment. It's so nice to have your channel and community available to myself and others. I not only think of myself as pre-and post diagnosis, but also pre-and post KZbin autism community.

[@ThesilBmfm]

I'm hoping to start a new music piece that I've been chewing over for a month. The methods I use probably wouldn't be of enormous interest to people in general, but I could make a short segment for the Show&Tell in the future _perhaps_ if you're short of takers - after all, once people have done it once, they've sometimes said what need to be said. So no promises or expectations but if I do manage to get a clip done up front, I'll make sure to let you know in a way that's super-visible, like starting the comment with "SHOW&TELL CLIP" lol Very sorry my timing's been off; thoroughly enjoyed my shitty Lidl coffee in your lovely mug just now and it felt very communal! Thank you for all you do with the channel Claire; it actually is quite refreshing to have a way to connect (in parallel!) with 14 thousand people without it having to have a didactic _content_ . I also have been extremely tardy (as is my nature) in beginning Mary Shelley, but it's not forgotten, it's top of the pile, ahead of two really important new books, and it will get started very soon, because now that the weather's bad, there will be good nights for reading in bed with the lamp on under the covers to save putting the heating on! Win-win situation! Have a great week and thanks again! You also served as a very interesting aesthetic experiment: I've had the idea for a long time that 'musical taste' is in large part a matter of repeat exposure, ie. conditioning..... you've provided positive evidence for that, because : I *despise* 'that kind of music' that you're referencing with your intro *BUT* I *ADORE* your intro! So it just goes to show: repetition (as in hearing it on multiple clips) combined with positive expectation (it leads to a quality autism show) equals aesthetic preference. I suspected it was true for, well since forever, but this has been a very good real-time process experiment. I would _never_ have stuck to a schedule of 'listen to something you would not listen to every single week' if I'd just had it as a goal in the abstract, but you've made it a reality. So thanks for that. And it's not a 'back-handed compliment' - other people _love_ that sort of gospelly florid singing style, nothing wrong with it, I just hate it! But because it's become associated with you _in this specific context_ (and that's not a creepy comment, I mean as a friend and role-model), I've observed my consciousness come to love _that specific 'bit'_ . So a front-handed compliment!!! lol is that better or worse? Anyway this is plenty long enough.............

[@Kiersin]

I might spend the week crocheting pumpkins as an experiment for church. Yesterday, I crocheted a cat after a while of just not using my crochet hooks, some of which are not in the boxes that hold them. I have been in a bit of recovery mode this past week because I over scheduled my previous weekend. But I should be better now.

[@faye6459]

it's chilly and overcast here too, gonna pause you and make a coffee (and get dressed)..brb LOL I'm back. I love your cat, I have 3 and a rather hairy house... I collect their fallen whiskers I don't think its a special interest though. Anyone else find and save their cat's fallen whiskers?

[@hankiepankie5833]

I love dark strong coffee, not from using extra grounds, but by a good dark roast. Hope you feel better. XOXO ❤

[@stephaniesummerhill8918]

I have that weighted heating pad too and it's amazing! My wonderful husband got it for me when I was going through a hard time and it was so sweet and I love it!

[@NeurodiverJENNt]

I have also heard the lighter the roast the more caffeine it contains. A Starbucks barista told me that once! Great message today

[@CreativeAutistic]

omg, that weighted wrap looks amazing! I'm forever carrying a hot water bottle around with me from September onwards, so the fact that it's heated gives it extra sensory bonus points 😍 (and here's to spoooooky season! 🎃)

[@PlanckRelic]

On caffeine and roast, it's complicated. Variety, growing conditions, roast, extraction type/ratio/percent all make a difference. All else equal, roasting the same beans longer will take away some of the caffeine content, but it will also make the beans easier to extract (i.e. the same brewing conditions will pull more out of the darker roasted beans than the lighter). Basically nobody in the coffee industry (specialty or commercial) is communicating how much caffeine is in the coffee they sell, so how could you and I reliably compare how much caffeine we are getting from reasonably similar amounts of coffee? James Hoffman has a video where he gets a caffeine measurement tool and is thoroughly surprised by how much caffeine is in different drinks. In practical terms, your dose should suit you, and mine me, just as our flavor preferences. I don't think you're 'missing out' unless that other experience is something you'd like to explore.

[@lashadi1445]

Hi Clare, I've also been struggling with food, getting and eating enough of it. It is always tough... also have felt extremely isolated so thank you!! ❤

[@withheldformyprotection5518]

Paul’s channel is great. Looking forward to watching the podcast this week. I’ve been disregulated due to successive illnesses and sensory issues, and this manifests as being super grumpy, and often curt with others. Slowly recovering, and hoping that this does not transform into the seasonal blues that can occur at this time of the year (Oct to Feb).

[@ThesilBmfm]

Dammit, keep missing porch coffee lol Gonna drink one in my flashy new cup regardless, and will try hard to be on time next week..... xxxxxx

[@lindaT82]

Thanks for another awesome coffee!! I love your cats, they are very sweet. I've had a challenging week, but got through it. Looking forward to catching up on your podcasts soon. I hope everyone has a great week!! ✨

[@funniful]

🌞Gooood Morning!! 🌞 I think I have ptsd from trying to get support from people who one would think would be wanting to support me in my time of need, but who are anything but supportive. So now, I feel “highly allergic” to seeking help from others. I’m quiet, keep everything bottled up tightly, rarely go to doctors, (or anywhere), purposely don’t want or have friends, stay distant from family, and refuse medications. Because I don’t want to be reliant upon anyone or anything. … I just exist inside my turtle shell. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not. But I do know I get hurt when I try to reach out.

[@luciabertinat274]

It's so hard when you are vulnerable with someone just to receive a "I'm not your therapist" response. One would think that if a friend asks you how are you and you reply honestly, they would listen and be supportive. That's not the case. I totally understand you.

[@jenavasexton1645]

This week, I'm struggling with how to handle meltdowns when my young kids are involved. I had a meltdown about the cake I made for my daughter's 6th birthday. It came out cute but the kiddos wanted to decorate it and, well, I tried to let them but it had been so much work to get to that point and I was out of energy and couldn't handle it. 😢 I need to do better about meltdowns around them but I'm not sure what to do.

[@thuslymars]

🎉🎉🎉🎉we🎉🎉🎉made with through to another weekend Well I got into shooting (Drama with the non certified defense instructor and entryway to white belt so I'm planning to freeze my gympass) I found one (gun holstering and safety classes) close by but I need ten friends to start my own club not many that have obstacle course just a lot of standing (nor swat course or brutality/3gun competition) Also being a firearms and self defense instructor suits me vs being a fitness and gym instructor

[@patryn36]

I tried a couple varieties of coffee when I was 18 years old, did not care for it at all, too bitter for my taste and I like acidic things to the point they often erode the lining of my mouth a bit like in salt and vinegar chips. The more I listen to autistic videos like this channel, Jenn's, and a few others the more it is on so obvious that I am autistic myself but so far there is nothing I can find to help with me dealing with others. I do not need support, I need to understand, and it is becoming more and more evident that info I seek, that I need does not exist. I hope that is not true, it is getting boring.

[@z3ph3us6]

I have not been cooking as much either. I haven’t been eating heavy meals lately too.

[@z3ph3us6]

I just had my fur buddy jasper who was a bengal cat pass away and so it was so sweet to see your kitty show up.

[@T1MB05L1C3]

It's been a little too nice here... 80s F at the end of September when the average is mid-60s F, and we can't rule out an 80F day in October yet (not likely now, but could happen). Watch late October feel like December and be 20-30 F. Now that'd be a swing...

[@ZSchrink]

Oh goodness, Claire. This last week has been such a wild experience. One of my friends started a 6-day and 21-hour charity stream last Monday in the late afternoon and we just finished it up less than a half an hour ago. I joined within 48 hours at their headquarters and was there to help out to include all of the weird social streaming aspects. I found it incredibly fun, but very taxing. I feel like the next week is going to be a lot of recovery. I'm super happy to have been part of it though, very amazing experience. I'm sorry you're going through a spot right now, and I sincerely hope that things get better very soon. 💜 All of this is speech to text and I just don't have it in me to double check the spelling and grammar 😅

[@T.T.M.60]

The weighted pad sounds like it’s right up my alley! Thanks for sharing. My week was ok. I was on vacation and loved that. The downside is that my arthritis in my knee flared up so I was in some pain. I’m home now so I’m really leaning in on relaxing and getting better. Hope everyone has a good week. I understand the support needs and I’m thankful that I have people whom I can reach out to as well. I’m glad you have that support as well.

[@flyygurl18]

Hello Claire: loved the vibe of today’s Porch coffee- I personally enjoy black coffee with lots of sugar and can be partial to an oat milk cappuccino. I know coffee traditions are different in America: I wonder what a French roast taste like. Learned about there being extra caffeine in light roast: never knew that. It’s wonderful to hear your reflection currently around accepting help and welcoming it: can be a hard one to accept but it is transformative! 🙂🥰 Looking forwward to your discussion with Paul: his channel is awesome! 🤩

[@pikmin4743]

why won't the heat go away? its forecast to hit 100F for the next 4 days :((( this is assessment week! that weighted vest thing looks like it would help me at the dentist. I might have to try LOL Burt, he's an aggressive snuggler, like my Samhain

[@j-ivey]

Morning Claire! That's cool that you found sensory heaven. I have something similar--my wife sewed a weighted shoulder / neck pad that you can microwave. I find the heat & pressure really soothing. I am also going to work on reaching out to a friend or two this week.

[@ghill8587]

I go through phases of eating healthy, and it’s definitely not always easy to stick with it. I’m so glad you have a good support system. I hope your week goes well! 😎

[@helenaskew4851]

hi claire, last week was eventful long story. Been raining here in the uk and getting more autumn like. like your show and tell as I like being warm. I connect to family as support. I like cats! have a wonderful week and take care

[@BCSchmerker]

+woodshedtheory *The 2001 Ford Taurus SE was delivered to King's Auto Repair last night.* At 胡桃河町日系基督教會 Japanese Christian Church of Walnut Creek (CA, USA), I had two crashes in Audacity, salvaged whatever was recorded - poor way to record a Joint Service.

[@melissa23347]

I’m excited to see your podcast episode with Paul! He’s alright 😂❤

[@z3ph3us6]

I began following you after I did a search on autism. You are such a wonderful human being and you have helped me love myself a little more and be gentle with myself as I come through this as I am older than you. My mother, lived in denial about my vaccine injuries and I suffered in silence.

[@z3ph3us6]

I usually buy my coffee mugs from thrift stores 😂but 216 is my best friend’s birthday 🎉I like full bodied coffee

[@z3ph3us6]

I use maple syrup in place of sugar and I add cinnamon or clove.

[@kellyschroeder7437]

💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊

[@donnellallan]

Thanks for another nice porch corre, Claire. (And i agree with you about French Roast being the best. ☕️)

[@Beafree1975]

I am the same way. I recently went through an emotional time, I have people around me who would like to be there but I don't want to burden or overwhelm anyone. I feel like I'm a burden if I do share what I'm going through in the moment so I don't. I usually won't say anything (If I do) after the fact. I'm still in a place where I don't have any motivation for any hobbies, my main focus is feeding this body because if I don't I won't eat.

[@annalisamanderville1364]

Hi Claire, your vest looks amazing, I hope you enjoy it for a long time. Just ordered a T-shirt from your shop, looking forward to wearing it.

[@nathanh6439]

Been a rough couple of weeks. Stoopid covid! Now that I am past the sickness, I am trying to make up for not being able to do anything for nearly two weeks. With half the energy that barely covered my daily needs before. Yeah! But we will get there. It will eventually get done. There is no other option. Have a good week all!

[@avgirlaustintx]

I wish I could drink that much coffee because I love the taste, but for some reason my body can't digest it and I get all jittery and paranoid. :( I can tolerate like 1 cup a week. 🤣

[@maikvanlommel7573]

Good morning Claire! This week I started knitting a Norwegian sweater. I have knitted sweaters before, but never with an advanced colourscheme. Autumn has really started here in the Netherlands. Greetings!!

[@z3ph3us6]

Look into homeopathic face masks I make my own.

[@z3ph3us6]

There are so many other women who use natural remedies and resources to stay away from the chemicals in some products

[@Infinitesimal-ho7it]

Have you tried Stump Town Coffee? I love the stuff, but haven't had it in a long while. Their _Hundred Mile_ is probably my least favorite, but it's pretty good. Lately, I haven't been drinking coffee for the past week. I burnout on it. I normally only drink one cup in the morning, but it seems like the effects caffeine builds up over time and I have to stop for a while. This week, I've been riding the bike more since not riding from back in early May. I rode 40-50 miles a day for about four days back in May, and I didn't realize that my tires were underinflated, and I was carrying a lot of cargo, and I burned myself out! It's taken this long to recover from that! But, it feels good to get the rust out of my system and feel better. I hope I can keep it up through the winter. I've gone into a junk food slump, myself, lately. I noticed in the past week that I haven't been eating enough leafy greens and cruciferous veggies. The past few days, I have found several Purple-spore Puffball mushrooms. Normally it would be healthy, but I batter dipped and fried them...too much, too heavy. Like county fair food. I dehydrated the ones I didn't cook, and will be better for me in a soup. It's good to listen to your body when it is trying to tell you something, like it's time to have some spa time and rebalance and regulate. I need a spa session. Maybe a spa month. I think it is therapeutic to be able to communicate with others. I have had independent streak as well, most of my life. But, I've gotten to know myself pretty well and have enjoyed my own company for so long, that I'm kind of tired of having experiences by myself and I'm tired of my own company. And then, I've had to heal from a long, drawn-out situation, and I think I've gone as far as I could on my own. I need to be a part of a community to be more complete. I think we all need community of people that are similar in some core way or trait. I hope you have that here or wherever.