Controlling Needs vs. Boundaries (2 POWERFUL Ways To Assertive Boundaries)

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Apollonia Ponti
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[@s.beccari4678]

Sometime letting people/places/things that are not beneficial walk off is better than the chaos of holding on...

[@travisandrews3909]

That is a good point

[@edbrock8053]

Thank you again! I just started dating after a 15 year relationship and it’s a lot different now! Lol! The girl I’ve dated twice over two weeks began to distance herself and I found your videos! When I pulled back, eventually she started texting and then calling and now she’s asked me out again! Your advice is spot on! (Btw, I am 65 and starting life all over again!) You’ve helped make it fun again! Thanks so much! Ed

[@ApolloniaPonti]

Hi Ed- OMG I love reading things like this. I'm so happy for you and so thrilled that you are doing things right and having fun! I'm always here if you need anything. xoxo Best of luck to you. -Apollonia

[@travisandrews3909]

Did you asked her out at a bar??

[@TomFox1]

65!? wow 👍👍👌

[@edbrock8053]

Hi Travis… No, we met online on a dating site.

[@torreywalker8607]

This a topic with alot of depth. Essentially a boundary is something we do out of self respect that alligns with our morals and direction in life Manipulation is control and using these "Boundaries" or Im gonna call them "Rules" In this example. That we use too change and alter the course of someone else's behavior in a way that gets our needs met. Almost placing roadblocks too detour someone's actions. The main difference is boundaries come from self respect and being clear on what we need to be mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Healthy. Manipulation comes from insecurity and a lack of self worth. Believing that someone else must act or behave a certain way too make YOU feel better about yourself. Let's not settle for anything less than what we are worth men. Start self discovering today🔥💯

[@joelmilton4905]

I love this video! I'm going to watch it multiple times. You have really helped me get through some rough patches. God Bless you and continue to help us men out 😊

[@Jumpmaster1990]

Confusing and convoluted. I found it contradicting.

[@torreywalker8607]

I did as well I elaborated with a comment if you would like to check it out!! It tailored it to create clarity for the male viewers.

[@dannya.5812]

Always appreciate your content Apollonia, thank you!

[@ApolloniaPonti]

I appreciate that! xoxo

[@fitforfreelance]

Super valuable to distinguish, thanks!

[@ApolloniaPonti]

Very welcome!

[@nikhilromanreigns9729]

It get me a clear idea on this topic you explained it soo well. Thank you for making a video on it Apollonia. Your the best ♡

[@ApolloniaPonti]

Glad it was helpful! You're so welcome!

[@nikhilromanreigns9729]

@@ApolloniaPonti 😊😊

[@Juli-n-David]

oooh weee I know now that I'm addressing it right just they just don't like it or never had that before, thank you for this video.

[@ROBERTDAVis2271]

Terrific video 👍🏿

[@camrynelias426]

@Apollonia ponti I like how you said to know our boundaries and self Awareness knowing how we feel inside of our body with heated moments also I got your email just now sorry I've been so busy lately coming on here to say hi.

[@goodbyecalifornia3567]

This video really touches on what I’m dealing with now. I’m dating a woman going through “the change “ and she’s having lots of difficulty with migraines and flashes to the point where we haven’t had a nice weekend in a month, yet refuses to seek help for it. Thanks to your video, I understand the difference between being controlling and stating your boundaries and not coming from a place of heated emotion. Thanks for all that you do to help us.

[@CHill-tj4gw]

Great video

[@ApolloniaPonti]

Thank you so much!

[@travisandrews3909]

I definitely need to lorn this before i get in a relationship with a girl.!

[@anjr6282]

Appolonia, can you make a video on books you recommend? Two years ago, I was watching some of your videos and you mentioned two books in two different videos that have changed my life. One was titled, ‘Attached’. The other was ‘Reinventing Your Life.’ You’ve talked about ‘The Five Love Languages’ before and I’m curious to hear if you have any more recommendations. If you wrote one, I’d buy it for sure. lol

[@TheOfficialLuke1]

Apollonia, Can you make a vid how to handle when you want to go no contact to escape friend zone with an ex, but she's always hitting you up to talk and hang out? Could very much use this. Thank you!!

[@TomFox1]

U READ my mind

[@0090steve]

Your too damn smart girl!

[@stevenjacks9966]

Thank you as always for the video. I agree with a lot of it but - You talked about boundaries and finding middle ground. I absolutely disagree. Boundaries are absolute. A boundary says this is a redline for me that I will not tolerate. If a woman does not respect my boundaries (which are few and very reasonable) she will not be in my life. To allow it or to compromise would mean I have no self respect.

[@xanderson444]

My girlfriend wouldn't let me talk to my friends that are girls and she would get mad that I would see and talk to my family. She would get mad that I needed alone time. She would get mad if I went to my car for 5 min. She demanded my location and social media login. Doesn't want me to go to work in specific locations. And punishes and manipulates me all the time. And if I don't do what she says she kicks me out and blocks me. Last week she destroyed my TV and threw my phone in the toilet then hid it from me for 24hrs. Meanwhile she gets to text many guys and calls it "revenge". Blames me for everything and gets mad if I call her controlling.

[@alexanderanderson9805]

good morning how are you doing god blessed you shining star stay safe and positive #FEARLESSMODE

[@ApolloniaPonti]

Thank you! You too!

[@rossioannou7139]

so true

[@antoombom9584]

Okay so I need some advice. My ex broke up and accused me of being controlling/needy for the following: In the beginning of our relationship I went out quite a lot with my friends and only made a couple of nights/moments free for her. So, she got annoyed by that and told me to stop acting like I am single and spend more time with her. So, I changed that because she was kinda right (although I do regret it now). But lately she started to cancel every time we were supposed to do something together and was always tired, sick or she went out with her friends (was never allowed to join her). So, I asked her to make at least 1 or 2 moments per week free to spend with me. But now she is accusing me of being controlling, needy and even a stalker while I never did anything different from what she did with me (so I always thought that that was what she wanted). Was she right or is this just setting boundaries and was it a good thing that I did that? Really need to get some clarity. I don’t want to get back with her since I am worth it to be someone’s priority instead of their option and deserve to be respected by the woman that is supposed to love me. I just want to get some clarity, learn from it and improve myself.

[@Jess-wk5jo]

Hello please can you help me understand affairs please.

[@VisaliaMuscle]

I looked this up because I'm believing I'm trying to be controlled with masking it as a boundary.. When the boundary has ultimatums is it controlling? If I don't do xyz, then Im rewarded with lmnop; but if I do xyz, then lmnop is out the window..

[@marksaah-campbell8235]

Hello Apollonia, do you do match making ?

[@ApolloniaPonti]

No I do not. :-)

[@davidhenzler4981]

Everyone should read "boundaries" by dr Henry Cloud

[@travisandrews3909]

That is a fact

[@OBieMavuso]

As much as this is coming from a good place. As a recovering codependent who used to get ghosted a lot, I have non-negotiables & I don't change those for anyone. Stay calm, communicate these without shame, don't be afraid to move on cos I have a rule, if someone voilates my boundaries twice - that's the limit. I don't give people 3 chances to fuck me over. Good bye. P.S: If they valued you they would be conscious about how they treat you if they don't, they don't respect you.

[@Steve-ud9wl]

Hi I told my crush that I liked her and I don’t want to be her friends anymore and she understood. But she’s dating someone and now she’s texting me like nothing had happen what do I do? Please help me.

[@drewhuckins7361]

Contact me please! Been through rhe craziest relationship of my life yet still can't let go and when I try, she starts showing up at my house and stalking me!

[@dannyguy2008]

Is it alright to ask a girl on a first date if I could kiss her since I have a hard time reading body language?

[@torreywalker8607]

Totally depends. No right or wrong answer. Pacing is important though. See how she takes small touches. Move into holding hands. Whisper something in her ear as a way to get close and show your comfortable getting close. She will most likely look at you. Boom. Your close to her face and your making eye contact. Tell her you would like to kiss her. Attempt to. You either get a kiss. Or you accept her boundary with integrity. A simple okay with a smile. You might get one anyway or increase your chances for the 2nd one since your now a man who respects women's boundaries and is not effected by a little "No"

[@h8rmgnt144]

Thumbs up from me 😎

[@ApolloniaPonti]

Thanks for the visit

[@h8rmgnt144]

@@ApolloniaPonti so very welcome 😘

[@gabeghiby6935]

@ Apollonia... I've just discovered your channel and stumbled on this video for the first time, as a recommendation due to the algorithm I guess... your explanations are quite elaborate, and even confusing at times, I'd dare to say, but that's OK if we can clear it up... for example, how are "boundaries" different from the core values and principles we chose to live by every day... like, say trust, I can't accept to be lied to, I won't tolerate it... or open and honest communication as being the key to a successful relationship, if we're not able to communicate, there is no reason to be in the relationship, period, and it's nonnegotiable... those are some of the core values, clear principles I live by... by your presentation, those could also be also boundaries unless I didn't fully understand... so back to my initial question how are boundaries different from core values and principles..??..

[@TomFox1]

💖🙏

[@Jess-wk5jo]

I have question for you over affairs . What my type of affair would be texting and meeting up and holding hands and kissing and hugging and watching films without no no no sex? what type of affair would it be? 1 emotional affair 2 physical affair without no no sex 3 romantic friendship. 4 emotional and physical affair without having no sex. 5 just friendship

[@emadmoallem7284]

An entanglement😭

[@Jess-wk5jo]

@@emadmoallem7284 what do you mean

[@christopherhogbring7771]

08:30

[@dalebelieu1984]

I just walked away from this girl I really liked and she told me I was attractive and I asked her out on a date and asked if she wanted to go bowling and she said yes well we decided to go on a Saturday and I only had $35 Im broke I’m in high school I explained why to her and she didn’t care which I though was cool but anyway I pick her up from her house and I’m all dressed up not in a suit and tie just some casual nice clothes and she comes in in all black wearing a beat up jacket and really dirty air forces. I didn’t give it a thought at the time because I was excited but as we are bowling she doesn’t really talk to me and when I get strikes she doesn’t care or on her phone which I was really bothered by as I didn’t touch my phone the whole time. I was so weirded out I started talking to the kid that was next to me and a 14 year old had better conversation skills then she ever could. I was still hopeful I was jolly and chill the whole time trying to stay in a better mood though as she said she had a good time and wanted to go again so time passes I start to feel like she’s not interested. she reply’s in a few words and and some snaps and still haven’t asked me about anything finally I said to her did I do something wrong and she tells me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and she just got out of a 3 year relationship and was wanting to be friends for now. I laughed and looked back on our first date and said I’m looking for something more then a friend and politely said I understand and left. at first I was so mad at my self for thinking I did something wrong when it was just her not knowing how to talk or anything. Bois don’t let people drag you down look for a person who cares about what they wear during the date and asks about you and what your interest are.keep your head up

[@paulzimmerman2665]

I don’t agree with this. I can’t tell you how many times U’ve been told how I can change & adapt to suit other people in behavior & appearance (I,e. smile & talk, put more weight on, get better looking clothes). Yet, if I talk this way to people, it wouldn’t be tolerated. It would be controlling. I’m expected to accept people for what they are.