Cop Rock - Baby Merchant [High Quality]

[@CopRockTheMovie]

Welcome new recruits to KZbin's #1 resource for Cop Rock!!!! This page includes EVERY song, re-cuts of series plotlines and behind-the-scenes features. Our goal for this page was to spark public interest in the eventual MOVIE ADAPTATION of COP ROCK. Please email us at [e-mail] if you have any interest in getting involved in production! Thank you and LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

[@ppoutine]

I'll only support a movie if it's filmed in 4:3 and set in the 1990's. The 90's corniness is what makes the "so bad it's good" work.

[@gwendolyn9300]

A movie?! Why stop there?! I'd buy a first row ticket for the Broadway adaptation =D =D

[@CopRockTheMovie]

@@gwendolyn9300 ideally both :)

[@wertdeg]

🤮

[@mattdavid716]

please please no, give money to the hungry or the homeless or throw it in a fucking ditch and burn it before you invest a dime in making more of this objectively awful production.

[@sarahmoss1414]

The thing I hate most is that this song is so damn catchy that one day I feel I'm gonna be singing this out in public without thinking and then immediately get arrested.

[@Rebecca-oh5yh]

Same!

[@TheTurkaderr]

To quote Charlie Bucket, " And that's not bad ".

[@jtruth33]

It wouldn't be nearly as funny if the performers weren't talented. The key to a good hilarious musical parody is strong talent singing something ridiculous 🤣

[@mcdadiii]

Honestly I have called my self a baby merchant all day in sing song, it's only a matter of time before I'm arrested.

[@mats7492]

@@jtruth33 it wasn’t even meant as a parody... they were dead serious...

[@rickytickytimbo9182]

Baby merchant: "I kidnap babies and sell them to rich people" Couple: "I don't know, this feels fishy..." Baby merchant: *starts pelvic thrusting* Couple: "Go on..."

[@jusadude186]

🎵OHHH YEEAAAA🎵🕺🏼

[@AirQuotes]

Why are they...just ..standing...there

[@SarbarthaDas.]

Actually, in two different songs from cop rock it is revealed that both the man and the woman are cops. You can see the woman in 'why can't a man be more like a woman' and the man in 'let's be safe out there'. So I think they are actually meeting the baby merchant in hopes of catching him red-handed. It's like a sting.

[@humboldt2087]

@@SarbarthaDas. Hasn't he already incriminated himself already with the explicit offer?

[@erickamakeeaina1649]

@@humboldt2087 A 3 minute long, rather gleeful offer at that

[@EternalCharax]

Alexa, show me someone having too much fun playing a child trafficker

[@marciturani6416]

Yeah, he is enjoying it very much

[@petespanchos]

To be fair, they have him amazing song to sing.

[@willy-johndejager6810]

huuuuman traffic. we also got adults ish

[@HeezNeez]

For someone committing such atrocious crimes, he’s pretty casual about it, just doing business in broad daylight, in the middle of a crowded public park.

[@vokasimid5330]

Dennis Cockrum

[@topdogrlg]

My God, John wasn't lying.. he really sings about being a baby merchant for 3 human minutes.

[@MrIncendiarydevice]

And it is beautiful

[@jeffsleek2190]

It's soooooo beautiful 🤣

[@Kyle-vg2io]

I've lost count of how many times I've come back to this song

[@katarinam7781]

and he CRUSHES it

[@eriklindquist4122]

This is awesome 🤣🤣 i hardly didnt believe John 🤣

[@AndysTake]

The way this guy carries this whole song by himself on like a 2 square meter stage is unparalleled and an achievement to humanity itself.

[@EmanDeMoan]

he did a fantastic job im so impressed

[@snapplemachine]

No small parts, only small actors

[@harleygerken747]

🥲

[@Zoe_the_Introverted]

I want this to be the hold music for an adoption agency

[@HughCorbyCruick]

Winner of my top KZbin comment of the day!

[@dyst0pi465]

Did you hear the illegal part?

[@turdferguson8928]

Jesus, this comment section is delivering 🤣 Pun intended

[@aarons.7646]

It just.... keeps... going.

[@jakec1943]

Bruh you were here over a year ago? How did you discover this without John Oliver?

[@sethie_shots]

That bridge though. Honest service and no damn fuss

[@chazz30000]

Like there is a natural down and easy place to brake after one minute, why would they make it 3 minutes long?!

[@therideneverends1697]

@@chazz30000 For that silky smooth alternative verse prior to the let off

[@TheElectricMayhem]

I wish it was 2 min longer. Maybe a sax solo tossed in.

[@metricula]

This actor really gives it his all considering the material he has to work with. A professional. An icon.

[@vaidenkelsier7757]

Like, that's the part I hate. It's so bad, and yet he's SO GOOD

[@MarcieIsForager]

Does anyone know his name

[@GeorgiaOverdrive]

@@MarcieIsForager Dennis Cockram, it’s in the description.

[@MarcieIsForager]

@@GeorgiaOverdrive Thx

[@ReedRosson1987]

He was in the bowling alley scene in Uncle Buck, as “Pal” !

[@tigrente]

Only cocaine could generate an idea like this.

[@raghavgiridhar8387]

Was probably raided with a no knock warrant.

[@schwanbox]

@@raghavgiridhar8387 😆🤣😂LOL see watch you did there. You probably just watched john oliver.

[@dallasboringnews8193]

Alcohol.

[@mrtony1985]

No joke my buddy who worked on building sets in Hollywood says that cocaine is to blame for all the weirdness in the 80s and 90s films/tv shows.

[@drpibisback7680]

_sniiiifffff!_ "A cop show but everybody sings!" "That is a fucking- " _sniiiiifff!_ "GENIUS idea! Promotions for all!"

[@ComicDrake]

Thanks, John.

[@quilavatrainer3348]

Without that context I would be very concerned seeing you beneath this video.

[@lamichka]

@@quilavatrainer3348 Ahahahaha!!!

[@fiaestebanlara6092]

I’m here

[@InShane162]

Thanks Drake

[@Sirwitless]

Exactly

[@dokletian1951]

"What if I can‘t have kids?" Google: It is important to reinforce the relationship and to try multiple times Bing:

[@nickwiora8214]

I like to think the couple originally just walked up to a man in the park for directions and he just starts singing about how he's the baby merchant

[@xox1592009]

The meme potential is strong with this one

[@alexquinn2390]

John Oliver just turned this into a meme ^^

[@TheTrueOnyxRose]

That was rather prophetic...

[@lasereraser8605]

after LWT its gonna be

[@michaelsayavong2656]

Is it wrong that I kinda want a reboot of this, but like a KZbin series or something ?

[@AeroDaNamic]

First time he hits the chorus, I'm thinking wtf. Second time, I'm like wow, they're really leaning into this. Third time, I found myself singing "baby merchant, tots r'us!" Sadly someone called the cops and they raided my house... Hello from prison.

[@rhunter42dragon]

Don't worry, we'll email this video to the police. They'll be singing it themselves as they release you.

[@jacobrzeszewski6527]

@@rhunter42dragon No, the police will just copyright claim the video and steal the revenue. Because making money in ways that are immoral and and SHOULD be illegal is just how police operate.

[@ianlee4565]

I'm afraid of something similar watching this right before heading to class

[@saladman420]

@@jacobrzeszewski6527 even if they wanted to copyright claim it they couldn’t because the original studio that made the song uploaded it

[@vittoriodio]

I unironically like his voice

[@Themoralofthestory.]

Are you a vaush fan?

[@vittoriodio]

@@Themoralofthestory. i've no idea what you're talking about.

[@samsontag]

His voice is not any of the issues with this

[@vittoriodio]

@@samsontag wait, you have issues with the baby merchant bussiness? Well, i get it, waiting 3 minutes before he stops singing to get to the actual bussiness is a bit much, but at least you can enjoy the show for free.

[@pastorofmuppets325]

Who knew Terry Milkovich had pipes?

[@ethandunleavy9958]

When my kids ask me where babies come from, I'll show them this video

[@lamichka]

:D

[@deadmeatdec2164]

Epic

[@davidmckesey7119]

Haha

[@genesthertaylor]

Lol😂

[@sirjedisentinel]

Even with everything he said, I STILL feel like John Oliver didn't properly prepare us for... whatever the hell this is

[@therideneverends1697]

it really is 3 minutes. the other actors really are frozen in time

[@CooperAATE]

THEY JUST SIT THERE FOR 2:54

[@robbiex5080]

fr.. that was wild lol

[@SpencerGD]

Well, I feel like John Oliver did us all a disservice, since he did not warn us about the price of these babies/tots. Eleven grand adjusted for inflation is $22,722! Far too expensive for a tot.

[@Kyle-vg2io]

He didn't. He didn't say the couple decided to TAKE THE OFFER ON THE SPOT.

[@judealtman8183]

I love John Oliver, but I have no idea why he was complaining that this song is 3 minutes long. Every second of this is amazing.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

My complaint is that it's _only_ three minutes long!

[@fhb3]

My complaint is that this entire show EXISTED. And Steven Bochco should have known better.

[@NilZakaLinX]

Extended cut is 4:27 @@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225

[@ZT1ST]

For one, apparently the full episode is 48 minutes. They spent 3 on this one song.

[@Apolita1987]

The best thing about this show is that when someone breaks into song, everybody else reacts largely as real people would if they had to be stuck in one place with someone who's just randomly broken into song.

[@berkleypearl2363]

Real life humans had to write these lyrics, compose a score, teach a man to sing it, record it a minimum of once on set and again in a studio, listen to it 100 times over while editing the episode, and yet! Here we are. 30 years later. Spending real human minutes of our real human lives listening to this absolute font of unreality and meme potential about the baby merchant: tots R us.

[@MrBenHart]

It'd be weirder if fake humans were doing this...

[@homeineveryzone]

Who pitched the premise? Lol

[@JohnnieKirkegaard94]

well you know that its not unreality right? this is a real thing happening all over America? even today

[@homeineveryzone]

@@JohnnieKirkegaard94 I know but to present it is such a casual way seems to somewhat down play the seriousness of the act of selling babies. A song on a 90s rock drama

[@JohnnieKirkegaard94]

@@homeineveryzone well its meant to represent the guy approaching people. just like any musical drama or musical, the song more shows the intent rather than how it takes place. i think it feels very fitting 90s or today though unfortunately we have decided to have less metafor and analogy type encounters on tv and almost seem to be working towards aggressive realism that often overshoots the target and makes it fall into the opposite camp of too serious.

[@BlindGardener]

A miracle that he is still in business after flexing about his job so loudly in public.

[@royalewithcheese7]

Me: *singing this song* The FBI: "Don't arrest him yet he is almost to the good part."

[@gabrielvasconcellos4679]

This video is about to get an explosion in views. Thanks John.

[@MirandaNoel]

Nah

[@msnitus]

Yeah... I had to look it up after watching John Oliver lmao

[@jameslevan7992]

I had to watch it.

[@eldritch_midnight6007]

It’s just....beautiful

[@jedberg12]

Yup, just came here from reddit.

[@robstyle1080]

Double Toasted brought me here. Worth it.

[@shadypandy]

Here because of John Oliver. Gonna rip this banger on repeat all day tomorrow.

[@Pengu69420]

It slaps sooo hard, BABY MERCHANT

[@snsrml]

His vocals are good lol

[@JohnDelimaPR]

@@snsrml banger

[@liamdude5722]

The other song from the episode is called For the Record, for those curious

[@SpencerGD]

Time to find this banger on Spotify.

[@occamsbeatinstick.3076]

Say what you will, this guy's voice is fantastic, his delivery is spot on, and that baseline slaps.

[@whollibaugh]

baseline slaps were the best part

[@TheElectricMayhem]

The scene is also very well shot. It’s captivating. Really the whole package.

[@mdog1357]

My parents generation couldn't appreciate this masterpiece, but mine can. #BringBackCopRock

[@AxelSpott]

You think so but the entire episodes are this.

[@mscheckersvaughan3082]

This is 30 years old.

[@TheRealKSmith]

@@AxelSpott So it's guaranteed to be better than the other musical shows?

[@mattdavid716]

hard pass actually

[@TheTurkaderr]

Hey we liked it, and they took it away anyway!! It was those morons with the neilson ratings boxes that got it taken off the air.

[@SCR360]

This song is funnier when you realize he's singing to undercover cops

[@balkanmadnessmadeinaustria5837]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mrmiddlestone4037]

Undercover, but definitely not good at hiding it

[@AliceintheRabbitHole]

John Oliver always gets us watching the most unusual clips that we would have never found otherwise.

[@mattfleming4953]

Facts lol

[@MrKainpayne]

True.

[@dantefire501]

You are telling the truth about that LOL

[@wjbt3]

I'm gonna roll through the kindergarten parking lot, blaring this 🔥🕺🏻 🎵 baby merchant🎶

[@JoelFeila]

careful or fbikun will want to talk to you

[@DoktorSick]

double toasted got me watching this again !!! LOL I remember watching this show when i was kid. I was like wtf but i couldn't turn away lol

[@rt3455rr2]

This is like a really long commercial for nothing.

[@ufsteropolstero6014]

it's not for nothing, it's an essential service for couples who can't procreate but want a baby and yet another problem capitalism has found a clever solution for - with some small compensation for the service provider for his effort and risk of course. note: I'm not affiliated with the baby merchant.

[@JeffersonLeeEng]

Tots R Us... specialized baby merchandizers

[@MorroTreece]

So a commercial

[@damiang888]

it's totally a commercial for something, at least in the TV show it was xD

[@avi3423]

@@ufsteropolstero6014 based

[@ZanzibarBreeze]

That last “And no damn fuss” really hits

[@breezythegreat2495]

His singing isn’t bad. The whole premise on the other hand... the 90’s were wild man.

[@Thatguy-kg3tz]

Congratulations last comment before John Oliver

[@berkleypearl2363]

Three things: 1) thank you John Oliver 2) why is this song so long??? 3) why is it so god damn catchy!

[@sethmp333]

The third question answers the second

[@rommix0]

> why is this song so long??? padding. it's a lazy way of meeting the requirement of 30 minutes.

[@justindukwitz]

John was right. Three straight minutes. This is so so delightfully awful.

[@Rebecca-oh5yh]

Or is it awfully delightful?

[@scottpreston5074]

@@Rebecca-oh5yh LOL..Took the words right out of my mouth.

[@withalittlehelpfrom3]

Everything about it is bad except the guy’s performance! That somehow makes it even more fascinating.

[@DanielWidrew]

@@withalittlehelpfrom3 he's like Pacino in devil's advocate

[@MrGared22]

No wonder John kept insisting on how it went on for three minutes. It feels like an eternity in the best **and** worst way possible.

[@badhombre549]

Me week ago: "This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen." Me today: 🎵I'm a baby merchant, tots r us 🎵

[@StarlightRoad]

John Oliver, you magnificent being. Thank you for this oddly banger from 1990. Anyone here after Last Week Tonight with John Oliver?

[@Matthew-ve7uv]

Nope no-one

[@frankgranados1755]

Yes

[@rhunter42dragon]

We all are.

[@scottpreston5074]

Yes, and "Baby Merchant" will make the charts.

[@jacobrengen]

This has no business being this good

[@kobyhaigerty3157]

all joking aside, this kinda slaps

[@jeffrowisdabest]

The melody is catchy. Now if we could just work on the lyrics and subject matter.

[@TamaCinema69]

@@jeffrowisdabest the melody’s catchy cause they took it from a popular 80’s pop rock hit

[@jeffrowisdabest]

@@TamaCinema69 Oh thank God. Do you know the name of it? These lyrics are atrocious lol

[@cyber2952]

@@jeffrowisdabest do you have a problem with the *baby merchant, tots 'r us, he'll give you all the service and no damn fuss* damn it i did it again

[@LukeSkywalker-zv3xy]

@@cyber2952 what the name tho

[@MeganKoumori]

The reason this doesn't work is because the staging is trash. If you're going to have an absurd concept like "Cop Rock" then you need to go whole hog. All the singer does here is pace back and forth while his costars show all the emotional range of cinder blocks. This should have been staged like a fantasy sequence, a mini music video. Show the Baby Merchant at work. Make him sing in a maternity ward, an orphanage, something, anything but straight reality.

[@izabellahockmuller526]

You make some good points, I would prefer to see this.

[@michaelsayavong2656]

Is it wrong that I kinda want a reboot of this, like as a KZbin series or something ?

[@AirQuotes]

Exactly, crazy ex girlfriend did it right.

[@far2ez539]

Every time I come back to listen to this song, I re-read this comment just to feel the catharsis of agreeing with somebody so much. You nailed it 1000% in everything you said, from the initial thesis to the criticism of the cinder blocks to the alternate suggestions for improvement. You're the best.

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

Maybe have these parents look startled and disbelieving in the first chorus. Then tentatively dancing in the second. Then in the third, have them backup singing, like, “he’s the, baby merchant, tots for us, he’ll give you, all the service, and no damn fuss!”

[@mandelcorny]

Imagine the pain of writing this, singing it, and acting this out. Soul crushing

[@jl4414]

you mean the fun? this shit is fuckin' hilarious, I would've had so much fun lol.

[@songohan3321]

@mandelcorny Actually, you have to multiply that by two or three because there were two or three songs per episode.

[@theascendunt9960]

@@jl4414 Right? I'm fucking rolling 🤣

[@cook3141]

Plus side nobody saw it originally so "singing baby merchant" actor didn't get typecast.

[@KMACKTIME]

11,000 .. not a bad price

[@andrewcarr2023]

🤨

[@jacobrzeszewski6527]

Yea...

[@TheManinBlack9054]

That's a small price to pay for a toddler today

[@andynystrom1519]

Ah, but that was his price back in 1990. He probably charges closer to 50 grand now.

[@jedi4810]

@@TheManinBlack9054 nah a baby will run you around 25k now a days, or so I've heard.

[@metalface26]

Thank you double toasted for making me aware of this gem 💎

[@WarningPuzzle]

That last line connecting to the chorus is genuinely pretty great. "No one at all needs to know that the parents who brought her up, bought her from the..."

[@quack_stack]

Credit where credit is due, the man knows his trade.

[@iljackb]

and he promotes in creative ways! 🤣

[@leejones8582]

Tots R Us

[@stephanielindsay5751]

I have honestly watched this over 50/60 times. This is the catchiest song I have ever heard, and this guy has some swagger on. Thanks John Oliver for giving me the baby merchant!!

[@genesthertaylor]

Truth b told😊

[@dillantrader6898]

He gave it his all. Bravo sir. It just goes to show even when you’re on the stupidest show performing the stupidest song, a real performers talent will always shine through. Really it’s very inspirational

[@CelisaStratton]

It's also really campy, and I love it! This guy is a pro and he should be given his due!!

[@Rob25AZ]

Thank you John oliver for years i been looking for this show and whenever I'd describe it to people they look at me like i was crazy or i dreamed it the split second i heard this playing on last week tonite i was saying to myself name the show

[@alanambrister381]

John Oliver has led me to a lot of interesting content over the years. This is the best one yet.

[@Matthew-ve7uv]

No no, that was Chiitan -- come on, there isn't even a close second to Chiitan

[@alanambrister381]

@@Matthew-ve7uv Chiitan is great I now follow them on Twitter

[@Simplyzacks]

@@Matthew-ve7uv link and episodes on the show

[@vulkhanasennet9961]

This song is actually catchy, it def did not need to last that long but damn that child trafficker was kinda funky.

[@msoda8516]

In the words of Rick James "cocaine is a hell of a drug"

[@seattle498]

I can't be the only one who wanted lyrics so I wrote them down. When you shopping for a dream come true A little package in a pink or blue All depends on who you're talking too Don't you worry bout a thing 'Cus you know I got the goods for you The city gives us such a run around Those pencil pushers only put you down And lawyers ain't the only game in town That's a migraine and a half I won't put you through I'm the Baby Merchant. Tots'R'Us I give you all the service, and no damn fuss give the baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby for you. ooooooo, yeah yeah I always got a good supply at hand Deliver anything that you demand A piece of heaven for 11 grand That's a small price to pay for a toddler today It ain't a question of morality I'm not concerned with any trumped up illegality We're just one big happy family Its a pleasure doing business the American way I'm the Baby Merchant. Tots'R'Us I give you all the service, and no damn fuss Give the baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby for you. Picture yourself in your house with a new son or daughter No one at all has to know that the parents who brought her up Bought her from the Baby Merchant, Tots'R'Us I give you, all the service and no damn fuss You give the, baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby I'll have your baby for you I'll have your baby for you.

[@racehen]

thank you!!!

[@girlkat6427]

YES

[@TheGerbold]

Thank you good lad

[@coffeeteaandexp]

"just a week or two" at first i thought it was "just a WINK or two" and i can't tell if that's better or worse lmao

[@lilwill31095]

💯

[@StuM91]

Can someone turn this into one of those videos that perfectly loops for 100 hours?

[@wjbt3]

Or a drill or trap remix 🤣🕺🏻🕺🏻

[@SpencerGD]

@@wjbt3 +1. Better idea. This needs a good ol' trap mix.

[@jpulkkinen1250]

There is a loop feature on every video. It is in the gear.

[@ripro83]

Me: hey Hollywood. How much cocaine were you doing back in 1990? Hollywood:

[@tjenadonn6158]

Yes. They were doing all of the cocaine.

[@napierbyronify]

Double toasted yea!!!!!

[@nikkicole54321]

OOOH OOOH! YEAH E YEAH! 😂

[@12pacon]

I "love" the way they are just standing akwardly waiting for him to finish and he just dance around them. It's a whole new level of creepy. You keep impressing, America.

[@michaelsayavong2656]

It’s probably one of the rules of living in a musical world , it rude to interrupt a person’s musical number

[@neptune4167]

I keep coming back to this over and over... Cant get enough.

[@nihleigleca6702]

Just gotta love the full commitment from all these actors involved lol

[@PerpetualAlfa]

“That’s a small price to pay for a toddler today-ay”

[@gloverelaxis]

a phenomenal line

[@kunalmhaske5534]

What amazing branding... Tots 'R' Us

[@justinadams7824]

Thanks John Oliver

[@cmarsh1123]

Three. Human. Minutes.

[@ksaifu]

Make it 3 * 3

[@Rayvearn]

we gotta replace the babies

[@MegStinz]

LOL that’s what brought me here too

[@PIXPromosMore]

Don't forget the Six Human Seconds

[@Scobragon]

Holy shit, it wasn't just a feverdream, it really exists.

[@rezkel7404]

So like they are all just going to ignore that their 'Baby Merchant" just had some kind of stroke? Kind of feel like you shouldn't go with the guy who suddenly breaks out into song and dance during criminal activities.

[@SchubMa]

Tbh if you were to pitch me something in song or dance, I'd be in no matter what

[@drpibisback7680]

Under musical rules, this was an entirely normal interaction with a child trafficker. In musicals everybody sings and everybody treats it as if they just said whatever dialogue it was supposed to get across, them's the rules.

[@SpencerGD]

In all fairness, if he broke into song and dance while pitching you the idea, then you know he isn't a cop and is probably crazy enough to actually kidnap a child 👀

[@rezkel7404]

@@SpencerGD truth

[@Argos517]

Just a smooth criminal... Yeah that's right I went there * moonwalks out of the chat*

[@lilyt.8625]

I couldn't find the lyrics readily available anywhere so I listened to this song maybe 100 times to transcribe this for you. COP ROCK - BABY MERCHANT LYRICS When you're shopping for a dream come true A little package in a pink or blue All depends on who you're talking to Don't you worry 'bout a thing 'Cuz you know I got the goods for you The city gives you such a runaround Those pencil pushers only put you down And laws isn't the only game in town That's a migraine and a half I won't put you through I'm the baby merchant tots are us I give you all the service and no damn fuss Give the baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby for you Ooh ooh yeah yeah I always got a good supply at hand Deliver anything that you demand A piece of heaven for eleven grand That's a small price to pay for a toddler today It ain't no question of morality I'm not concerned with any trumped up illegality We're just one big happy family It's a pleasure doing business the American way I'm the baby merchant tots are us I give you all the service and no damn fuss Give the baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby for you Picture yourself in your house with your new son or daughter No one at all has to know that the parents who brought her up bought her from the baby merchant tots are us I give you all the service and no damn fuss You give the baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby I'll have your baby for you I'll have your baby for you

[@Xploder270]

This is catchy af. Thanks John..

[@Ikuconodule]

This song doesnt have any right to be such a banger.

[@sanbell]

This show lasted as many months as Firefly did.

[@irreverend_]

Now I'm just depressed.

[@JoshRadio]

I can see why, I’d watch this all day

[@BigDickMcFlick]

Wow this hurt worse than spending 3 whole minutes to watch this Baby Merchant guy.

[@ultimatehawkeyefangirl]

You had to say it... you just had to say it

[@lauracoderre2027]

How the hell is that tru?? I might have to cry now honestly.

[@gregsky01]

The actors that aren’t singing both look like they’re saying “I can’t believe I signed on for this shit”

[@311drgonzo]

Actors will do anything for work

[@gregsky01]

@@311drgonzo gotta pad that resume somehow.

[@CelisaStratton]

John Oliver, thanks! This is a stellar performance by the singer, honestly! He totally killed it!

[@babymerchant1737]

*Verse 1:* When you're shopping for a dream come true A little package in a pink or blue All depends on who you’re talking to Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing Cause you know I got the goods for you ( _Yeah_ ) The city gives you such a run around Those pencil pushers only put you down And lawyers ain’t the only game in town That’s a migraine and hell I won’t put you through *Chorus:* I'm the baby merchant ( _Tots "R" Us_ ) I give you all the service ( _And no damn fuss_ ) Give the baby merchant just a week or two I'll have your baby for you Ooooohhhh yeah! *Verse 2:* I always got a good supply at hand Deliver anything that you demand A piece of heaven for 11 grand That's a small price to pay For a toddler today It ain't a question of morality I'm not concerned with any trumped-up illegality We're just one big happy family It's a pleasure doin' business the American way _Chorus x1_ *Bridge:* Picture yourself in your house with a new son or daughter No one at all has to know that the parents who brought her bought her From the… _Chorus x1_ “Eleven thousand? We can do that.” “Stay available. I’ll be in touch."

[@realistik7024]

Why has no one replied to this?! Thank you man

[@miri8851]

@@realistik7024 it’s just a bit weird to be thanking the baby merchant is all

[@Rebelnightwolfe]

I have no business bobbing my head to this.

[@brucecurtis6910]

3 months after seeing this on John Oliver and here I am watching this again. Classic!

[@deejmalik]

“Stay available, I’ll be in touch” is going to be my new sign off for work emails

[@CopRockTheMovie]

....maybe ours too 🤔

[@thomasjean7191]

@@CopRockTheMovie who are you? Who’s paying to manage an obscure cop musical from the 90s. I need to know

[@milliam11]

Why have I never heard of this show before. Thank you John Oliver. This is hilarious.

[@MyOldTapes]

Those other actors had the toughest job because they had to stand there and not laugh.

[@JackdaMan171]

I so want to see a stage musical of this show

[@rafterscott]

1:19 Was he supposed to catch that?

[@voteZDLR]

Probably haha but they're like "You know what fuck it"

[@alexandruv.3390]

I think it's in the background :))

[@gamewarrior666]

It's in the background but I laughed pretty hard at this regardless

[@davidh9354]

It's behind the tree in the background. Still, pretty funny to imagine that somebody tossed him something and/or he put his hand up to catch a ball and missed it completely. The huge grin on his face while he glances at his empty hand afterwards helps bring this concept to life.

[@cwp4eva]

He played it off lol

[@loganalexander8256]

Sir, I was on the fence about buying from tots r us, but this song has convinced me to buy 5 babies.

[@Johmatri]

I didnt think there would be comments more than 3 hours old

[@Matthew-ve7uv]

Yes and I really didn't think there would be so many people asking if there was any reason people would be here other than John Oliver. You'd think that if you watched a show like Oliver's you'd be smarter than that.

[@saladman420]

This song lives rent free in my head, thanks John Oliver

[@Adsense101]

You're right John Oliver, I should have listened and left it at _"know it exists"_ 😳

[@RariettyC]

I like to imagine an alternate reality where this show was an enormous hit and history changed forever because every popular 90s TV genre got a musical version. Also, fun fact, Randy Newman (who went on to have a very prosperous career, particularly in animation with Toy Story) wrote some of the music for this

[@BandatHome]

I love that the couple were given absolutely nothing to work with for three straight minutes.

[@thomask6798]

OMG! I had not ever heard of this show. Still wouldn't if it wasn't for, John Oliver. This is wild. I have to watch an episode now.

[@marble_l3mur548]

Thank you John, this will live rent free

[@davidbawden8305]

The baby merchant is a HERO. You can't prove he's a bad guy, he is just helping honest young families cut through the red tape. It's the American way!

[@GlitterC8k]

This is one of the best things I have ever seen. I want to watch every episode, now. It's like a musical "The Room" with actual talented people

[@SergeantSarcasm1]

This is never going to leave my head. I'm going to be humming baby merchant until the day I die.

[@tomalaimo814]

I think the best part of this song is how it just stops and the awkward pause that follows.

[@Thomas-jl3gn]

If you played this on the radio. It's popularity would likely be frightening. I couldn't get this song out of my head for weeks after the first time hearing it.

[@CornbreadOracle]

The pelvic thrust 😂

[@damienbinnie-brown1808]

Thank you for sending me this Mr. Oliver

[@Punkhobo]

This was on reddit a few years back when someone shared this video saying the baby merchant was played by their acting teacher. I just caught up on John Oliver and now I am more surprised that this video has somehow showed up twice in my life

[@admiralofcuteness]

You're living a good life, then.

[@cooperhartlen540]

So that’s where babies come from

[@biancailie184]

I don't regret searching for this, John.

[@wmachua95]

1:57 he didn't have to make that gesture but yet he commits😂

[@onionrovirosa]

double toasted

[@yaminogame]

Damn you John Oliver! This is a absurd song but it is so damn catchy and I fucking hate I love it lol 😂

[@sethie_shots]

Haha- said almost the same thing w/o reading yours. Great minds I guess

[@yaminogame]

@@sethie_shots I feel kinda bad because it is a song about child trafficking but it is so darn catchy lol

[@wjbt3]

🎵 it ain't a question of, moralitay 🎶 🕺🏻 baby merchant bops boiii