Coping with Infidelity: The 2 Stages of Pain

[@mjvela88]

I have been in this stuck phase. He is doing everything and anything to restore our marriage. He is doing what most spouses would want after an affair. But why can’t I accept it. The pain is there, some days are worst than others. It’s been 7 months since I found out and I still can’t wrap my head around how he can do this. I was blindsided. I want to forgive, I want my marriage and family but i am just so stuck.

[@emd5095]

I'm sorry & I completely get it..I wish there was a time line, but there is not. It takes time, lots & lots of time. Be SO kind to yourself. Don't push yourself to be where you think you ought to be.

[@sgueto0590]

Not saying it's going to be same case but I'm going on 3 years now. The pain is still there but not as strong.

[@dan-lansingmi9169]

@@sgueto0590 the pain lessens but for me it never goes completely away.

[@sebastiangarcia41910]

I never completely dealt with what she did in 2009. September 2020 it started to get horrible in my head. The point of this comment is that you need “true” guidance, and more than likely expert help. I just found these videos a few weeks ago. I wish I found these videos in 2009 if they even existed

[@RaeLuvvSoul]

I’ve been dealing with it for a year, as of today. The pain has become unbearable and I even feel suicidal at times because I wake up and feel this pain everyday

[@cobusvanheerden7771]

Thank you so much for this channel. As a sex addict I have annihilated my marriage and destroyed my wife. But listening to what others went through, and survived gives me some hope. Please keep helping others, we can't talk to anyone before it's too late.

[@thatguy7085]

You never forget… unless they are gone forever. I don’t give my ex from decades ago a second thought… until now. Decades later I’m with another woman who’s infidelity has gotten out of control.

[@shreeji_]

Pain and Pain over and over everyday. is truely loving someone a sin punished with pain ? is this how the world is ? why dont the cheaters feel it ?

[@laniec.f.2531]

Good advice. I'm realizing I need someone to talk to about a lot of this... I'm feeling stuck.

[@donnamilo5495]

I'm stuck in the anger, pain and hate.

[@Carin-vd2ri]

Been stuck in the anger and betrayal phase for about 3 years now. And it keeps playing over in my head over and over again. It's funny on some days. I'm fine on other days. It's so intense. And I just got so angry. And it just comes on out of nowhere and I cannot kick it. It has disrupted my life on recognition. And now separated and divorced is right around the corner. It's not what I ultimately would have chosen for us. However, I know that I cannot move forward and I cannot change the way he has made me feel about this whole situation. I'm so angry and so hurt still

[@jenniferquill6400]

Thank you . I definitely needed to hear this and be reminded that I have to take a leap of faith and that it’s okay for me to be happy.

[@lorrainem1870]

Can you do a video about husbands that are very remorseful and ashamed and are trying everything to restore the marriage after a 6 yr affair, and saying it was only a booty call, nothing else but the wife cannot forgive or move on, it’s been nine months of finding out, and the pain is like I just found out yesterday

[@Johnmiller-hp4mt]

Nine months seems like a long time, but it's just the surface. Have hope, be a safe place. you will make it through this, you will come out stronger on the other side.

[@JenniferTrika]

Please try individual therapy for yourself and try EMDR. You are traumatized and your husband can’t heal you. It has to start from you.

[@davidbailey1718]

Mine was a 2 yr affair, any may be on the surface it was a booty call, but with therapy I've discovered it was also attributed to anger and control issues. Because I could open up and talk to my wife about it, the betrayal was opened up and allowed to breathe. I have ABSOLUTELY no desire to ever hurt someone like this again. 9 months is a spec of dust in the spectrum of time. Therapy is a most

[@kikitsar295]

I am in the same boat with you Lorraine but it's been 2 months of finding out. My husband is v remorseful but I just can't forgive him😓

[@dan-lansingmi9169]

So sorry to see what you are going through. My wife was in affair for 7 years. Forgiveness has to be worked at but the hurt may linger for a long time. Our life here on earth is so short compared to eternity. I believe you have to incorporate that into your path of moving forward.

[@howibleed8479]

Yet another Banger my friend-keep up the good work! -Michign love

[@user-pd6ko4ou4e]

I am so grateful for your series. I finally feel hope and justification for my feelings

[@Kevinkapon]

Literally drinking while I watch this

[@thewingwingwang]

Don't go to destruction my friend.... rebuild yourself... separately. Do your self work... it's all i can do to stay afloat...

[@cewilliamsable]

My wife isn't doing anything 😕. No accountability at all. I'm hurting all by myself

[@maryannchiquete3063]

I completely understand, my husband did not take responsibility at all.

[@sarahalderman3126]

My husband did the same in the beginning, when he did the same. He claimed to want to work it out, that he loved me... but he never did a single thing. I stayed and he did it all over again, only this time with my younger sister, for 7-8 years and I learned just before our 22nd anniversary. All I can say is if you're not completely certain of their intentions, they're almost certainly lying. Just leave. Let the person who chose to betray you go.

[@teebelle12]

Me too 😢

[@sherapontaoe3214]

Thank you so much for the help & hope you give those of us who need you right now!

[@vincewilliams7572]

My question is if you know that the infidelity continues how are you supposed to let go and forgive because you're being lied to on a daily basis not sure what to do don't want the marriage to end but the lies are literally physically and mentally killing me Terry he does seem to be trying and we are going to take a separation time 6 months I believe is what we're going to try but even after that I don't know how to forgive if he will not come clean with what he's done

[@otiliacantu7599]

Thank you for sharing your story. God is so good in using you to bring hope to my heart.

[@blastprosful]

Just want to sleep

[@gt8361]

I was so in pain.. In all aspects. Proud of his cheating. He is proud of what he did to me. He still look up to his mistress and still in his mind that's why whenever I mention negative things about her he will hurt me physically

[@jldskd1]

Not all remembering of trauma is a choice. I have Post Infidelity Trauma Stress Disorder (PITSD), and when a trigger occurs it is not like I am remembering the traumatic event, but in an instance I am there, as the traimatic event is happening, and feeling all of the emotions and trauma as though they were happening in real time. I think you do s disservice by implying that holding onto the pain of any trauma is a choice. Some of it holds onto you.

[@victoriaspruell3182]

Unknowingly, I have been married to a narcissist for nearly 28 years. We have been physically separated for 1yr and 4 months. I have experienced physical and emotional abuse. There have been infidelities along the way as well. We were planning to do a legal separation but on June 3rd, 2022 I was informed that he is pursuing a divorce. He is having an adulterous affair and is currently in San Diego with this girl. The host of emotions is immense.

[@theprettydani7979]

I am so sorry. You don't deserve this. I'm in a similar boat. My partner whom was supposed to become my husband I found out recently that he's a covert narcissist. We have two kids, live together and one month after he proposed I found out about his 2 year affair with his ex. He's become physically and emotionally violent since discovery. prior to dating he was one of my best friends for 10 years. I wish it could work, I want to leave but I'm financially dependent on him. It is truly hell. Im barely about to be 30 & I feel as tho I wasted my best years on him. I am heartbroken. I wish you the best and I hope you stay safe.

[@marienowers3263]

Haven’t seen Samuel in a while. Where is he ? Is he doing okay ??

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

Marie thanks for asking! Samuel is doing well and will be back in the near future!

[@anniekallis9901]

This was great. Thank you

[@2mezz]

Thank you for this

[@snehasinha6606]

Hi. Thank you so much for all these videos. They're really helped me stay grounded and understand my partner's perspective. Currently, my partner has decided to leave. I am trying really hard to make it work. We are doing the Bootcamp this week but have been unable to get reliable expert help. What can I do in this situation?

[@stacysnider4899]

Watch as many Affair Recovery videos as possible.

[@leea2962]

Thank you.

[@games4music]

Thank you !

[@thewingwingwang]

I'm in so much pain.... I keep thinking of ways to kill myself, but I have children. I feel trapped...

[@mykehyslop198]

My wife of eight years left me for another man two months ago.She also stole 1.6 million from my bank account.The police are looking for her.I can't believe she did this to me.😪😪

[@kennyblazeable]

That's crazy. 😢

[@sarahalderman3126]

Sounds like you picked a gold digger... I am sorry, I know the grief of being betrayed by the one person who promised to love you. The knowledge that I saw the signs but did not recognize them for what they were. Instead I believed my husband of 22 years, my high school sweetheart, and father to my children. Instead I put my faith in a man who betrayed every single promise he ever made me. I hope you're able to let go. ❤

[@Sirenita121110]

💞