Couples Tips: Improve Communication By Softening Your Startup

[@Raminakai]

This topic is a good one. The hardest part is to clear out your own heart before the conversation. To sort through what is happening within us first- like maybe other people are criticizing us at work and our shame is triggered? So, we feel like attacking someone else who, like us, isn’t perfect. So often, our attempt at “softness “ ends up sounding snarky. Advice giving is also a “ soft attempt “ to criticize, which never ends well. It is a power play to give unsolicited advice, which resembles being nice, but actually is an attempt to establish superiority- by being the, “expert”

[@SelfHelpToons]

So true! It's much easier to use a soft startup if we're not feeling emotional, but that's usually not the case when we bring up a complaint.

[@Jak_in_blue60]

Thank you for these videos. They are helping me work on communicating better

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad to hear it!

[@suzannewilliams4316]

Great examples of harsh startups and gentle startups were. Super helpful!

[@gregslot]

Totally underrated channel

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks, I appreciate it!

[@n.i.g.h.t.i.n_g.a.l.e]

Ikr!

[@adinubila]

so relatable and thanks for explaining so easily so it's understood

[@n.i.g.h.t.i.n_g.a.l.e]

Okay, so... After seeing your other assertiveness video few days back, I got an opportunity to implement it so I practiced and executed. The result was beautiful. This person is usually very easily defensive(or..I'd been approaching him poorly) but he actually apologized on his own accord and promised to do better next time. I was so surprised haha. One thing I noticed was that I wished to hurt the person so he'd understand how I felt. So the emotions were overwhelming. But I pulled through. Now, there's another situation and I'm feeling tempted again to be passive-aggressive... What I want to say is, even though I just wish to be understood and things end beautifully, I'm surprised at the overwhelming urge to do so aggressively. Because they hurt me first. Another reason I think I'm tempted to do so is to prove my power, which I'm doubting just being simply assertive won't do😄 Do you have something that can help with this if you understand what I'm saying? Phew! Now let me go practice for this new situation so my emotions don't get in the way while at it. Wish me luck! Edit: OMG!! I just got to the other half of this video and I now have my answer 😂😂you're the best!! 🥰💥💥🥰

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks, and glad you got your question answered

[@bexhampton8487]

Where is the video for when someone shuts down and doesn’t know how to express what they want to say? Or is it yet to be published ? Thank you for these !!!! ❤

[@SelfHelpToons]

My relationship videos didn't perform very well so I stopped making them. Maybe I'll try another one again in a while that address that.

[@lindahebb4832]

Thank you for posting 🤗

[@adinubila]

please make that video about even when you do a soft startup and the partner may still not react well

[@avalonjustin]

This would be useful if I were in a relationship :(

[@nancywinstead5387]

Hi! Could you tell me if there an email or something where I can get in contact with you or an assistant? I've looked here and on website but can't find anything! 😁 Thanks!!!?

[@SelfHelpToons]

There's an email address at the bottom of my About page kzbin.infoabout

[@tejeshwarsingh9069]

Sir can reinforcement be considered as manipulation.

[@FEETRICX]

Hey - love your videos - I’ve just started to read nonviolent communication by Marshall B Rosenberg 🙏 what a blessing