15 Men Reveal Their Biggest Struggles With Dating & Relationships

[@chaosblade5906]

Dating for women is like shopping, dating for men is like job interviewing.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

ZING! Heartbreaking to hear--but, probably more true than I realized.

[@chenugent]

Even getting an offer for an interview is near impossible, its like applying for 100s of jobs and getting ignored by everyone

[@Carl-ed9bz]

Exactly! 💯

[@mattlericain]

People who say "you'll find someone" are just people who are already in relationships and don't have much help to offer

[@taras3702]

Or they are gaslighting you ....

[@M.C.ThomasReviews]

I’m so glad you addressed point #3. The amount of times you hear “you’ll find someone!” or “she’s out there!” is so aggravating. It’s always a well-intentioned statement, but it’s like going to a homeless person and saying, “don’t worry, there’s food out there!”

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

It’s a microaggression statement from the victims themselves. They don’t actually want that for you. They are afraid to say the truth.

[@novaseline4u]

The old "There's someone for everyone".BZZZZZZT! Wrong! There is someone for most, but not everyone. That is a BS statement, usually said to try to make an unattractive person feel better.

[@retro_crasher]

She's out there! Totally, when I work in a manufacturing plant where the only women is the wife of the manager, go to school online, and don't go to the bar.

[@MikeyP109]

The "every pot has a lid" fallacy. I dare anyone to check their cupboard. I bet you have an extra pot.

[@jameslebeau7078]

If someone tells you this and they get cancer one day, tell them "don't worry, I'm sure they'll find a cure any day now!"

[@DrewAllen2000]

My biggest struggle is I don’t have a lot of experience. I can’t even get a girl to like me, much less find a girl who’s single.

[@Johnwickslittlebrother]

Don't give up! Keep moving forward and staying positive. You will find the right lady for you. Peace be with you and have a nice day! 🙂

[@drip369]

Well you could definitely use some refreshing mindset changes like instead of saying you can't get a girl to like you you should say you can't find a girl that likes you because using the word get implies you are working for it and you shouldn't have to work for it because it will never work. You have to choose those who choose you and invest in those who invest in you and there might even be some out there that like you but you have no idea what to look for while still thinking you have to go out and earn her desire instead of letting it be natural. Does that make sense?

[@drip369]

@@Johnwickslittlebrother 5:48

[@DrewAllen2000]

@@drip369 you’re right. I related to Courtney’s 5th point. Sometimes I feel like everything I say is self-sabotaging. I struggle with communication and it’s just a character flaw I’ve always had. Plus, I don’t have very many friends and don’t get out much.

[@theadmiral4625]

What girl is gonna want a man-child who identifies as a Power Ranger? After Courtney, go watch Wes Watson, do some burpees, and watch your balls drop. Hit puberty harder than it hit you………

[@dubplatenate]

9. Women in Europe are far more amicable when it comes to dating. They make an effort. North American women expect a magician, comedian and philanthropist to be at the date.

[@richardthomas598]

When I was younger, the single largest challenge -- and one I failed to overcome -- was the way our culture programs women to believe the grass is always greener. I was always disposable. This is something that was later confirmed for me by some of those women, in some frank heart to hearts that came once we were all divorced and middle aged. I don't imagine that has changed much. Listening to things, it may have gotten worse. It seems to be a widespread problem among young women, and some never grow out of it.

[@foxtrotunit1269]

Dating Apps make women think they have greater options (they can be reached by more top males). What most of those top males want to do is use them in hookups and dump them. The women don't know that the first few times (they think they screwed up somehow) - so they keep ignoring the "lesser" offers from the other 90% of men.

[@MisterMunkki]

It is pretty bad because it's not just culture, it's a really deep biological drive, the male really is just more expandable, that's just how it is; but cultures that don't actively discourage seeing people like this tend to become unbearable for a lot of people caught in it :(

[@electrifyingct4303]

​@MisterMunkki Men are instructed and expected and lectured to monitor, master, and control their deep biological drive.... why are women not instructed, expected, or lectured to monitor, master, and control their deep biological drive?

[@ForceAlfaF1]

Unfortunately, this is just how Human Biology has wired females. As much as it sucks (and Good Grief! It does!), it's one of the huge reasons why Humans, as a species, have been so successful. That stated. Dating apps and social media have created a very socially unhealthy environment for female hypergamy to run wild. It's growing into an unhealthy dynamic in actual society, where the future is more polygamous with Men most asymmetrically affected by it. It's happening now and Men have grown passively resentful. What happens when the young men left out become actively resentful? It's not good for society and it Women will be the once most asymmetrically affected then

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

it’s because these people are chronically online. Also, they get sucked down the rabbit hole by feminist propaganda that isn’t real that just makes everybody angry.

[@aloharover5980]

I laughed at the "I am 35 and starting over". Almost 60 and just had a 30 year marriage end. Talk about a new world.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Me, too--and I am a woman who's as horrified as men are by what dating is like now

[@lohi172]

Thanks for acknowledging that the woman needs to contribute to the conversation. I’m cool with making plans, paying, holding the door open, etc but I can’t stand when she barely asks me any questions about my life and I have to lead the entire conversation.

[@brianthesnail3815]

Conversation should flow naturally. I encourage anyone to meet people through friends and family and get to know someone first before a date even happens. Also avoid nightclubs and dating sites. They are just a pretty horrible cattle market.

[@poeticeclipse]

This is just a sign someone isn’t interested and that you have to move on. That person isn’t worth dating anyway. It’s not even a loss because they’d be hard to date.

[@abbyxiong3931]

Yeah. It usually is someone that doesn't have a lot of interest in you. I mean if there is someone they find interesting they will talk.

[@obbzerver]

There's a high likelihood it's because she doesn't have anything to contribute, isn't a fundamentally interesting person. She might have concluded you're a hard "no" within a minute of meeting you and all you are to her is a free dinner - there are lots of women who do that. Dating is a diversion that comes with a meal plan. Eventually she'll meet some guy to become her lifetime of free dinners.

[@iBuyBitcoin]

If you have to force the convo, she’s not the one, drop that hoe

[@ajtaylor8750]

The first one couldn't be more true. The mind games that some women play in the dating arena is just too much, and unless I was Professor X from the X-Men I can't read a woman's mind. A woman will like you, but is "afraid" for you to know or for someone else to know and that to me is just dumb.

[@CourtneyRyan]

😂 the greatest superpower of all lol

[@Fenrir190]

Ran into my share of that on the market. Best thing you can do is not waste time on them. If someone isn't willing to be upfront with their feelings for you, don't bother developing any for them. Keep doing you. Because if I had my pick of superpowers, I'd much rather be Franklin Richards aka Powerhouse. Telekinesis seems too boring to me

[@tehlaziness]

Im pretty sure if Xavier tried to read a modern western woman's mind, his brain would explode from the immediate deluge of sheer madness

[@CatGamer-wc2ij]

I know women. Tell them what I know. Doesn't matter, because even though they can't adjust themselves and I am right, it doesn't matter at all.

[@mooseyman74]

Look like Wolverine and you won't have to care

[@matthewroth1]

Many of these struggles seem to stem from men trying to act more traditionally because that is what society and women generally expect of them, only to be met with a modern woman who is seemingly the antithesis of this. This leads to male fears of being labeled toxic, having an "ick," being too pushy, not being pushy enough (not taking "the lead" or having low confidence), and not opening up (but when we do it's used against us), and so on and so forth. As men, we are confused, so rather than play the game and try to figure it out, we back out and focus on ourselves instead. Yes, it's sad, you can consider it a defeatist mentality, but a heart/mind can only be thrown around so many times before it just says, "No, for my health, I'm done." That's why #3 is the sneakiest big one; because by every metric we've observed, what is there to be optimistic about?

[@JACQUEZJOHNSON23]

Perfectly said

[@JimCastleberry]

Bingo! Feminism has poisoned women and modern western culture, producing toxic, entitled self-absorbed narcissists. Of course, there are enough feminized, betas willing to simp these narcs, but it doesn't bode well for the survival of western civ.

[@yigitalrich583]

You really nailed it.

[@poeticeclipse]

I’m curious what defines a modern woman and are you meeting 30 women a year to say “every woman is a modern woman?” I inquire because while I absolutely would say I’m a feminist, I’m not an extremist. I date men who believe in feminism. They still hold doors open for me, pay on dates sometimes, and take the lead to plan dates. Just because I’d like equal pay doesn’t mean I don’t want a gentleman, and I think most women these days would say the same thing.

[@gmoneymac23]

@@poeticeclipse Then, you're not a feminist. And, you do make equal, if not more, pay FOR THE SAME JOB. Otherwise, every company would fire men and only hire women. You think Ford or Google or hospitals are saying, "Team, let's pay our male engineers/surgeons MORE when we could, instead, find QUALIFIED women and pay them much LESS. That sounds like a great strategy for our operating expenses and shareholders. Time for a coffee break. See all you misogynists in 15 minutes." 🤦‍♂

[@bones1active]

Legit had a girl told me “if she likes me you’ll know” and I still don’t know and I’ve had times where her actions scream she likes me and told me no so I REALLY AM NOT AURE

[@TCKRDefense]

Tell the women to be direct and that you can't read a women's mind. Stop playing mind games and being childish AND BE DIRECT. No one will understand the indirect ques to knowing if someone likes you right. So Telling them directly is better long term.

[@jie386]

I find #8 extremely easy to relate to, not only is it difficult to find places where single women frequent but likewise, having an opening is extremely rare. There seems to be no "dropped handkerchief" moment anymore, a wealth of girls either have a permanent frown on their face and look occupied, are engaged in an activity where it would be rude to interject or are literally in a circle with their friends to ward off men in social settings. Irrespective of how much I focus on my life, work, health and home, having minimal opportunities present themselves is difficult when it comes to meeting people organically off apps 😓

[@Kashban]

I found supermarkts to be a great place to talk to women, as there is always a way to comment on her groceries (compared to yours f.e.) or any other comment about stuff that is around you. I get my best results by being kinda ironic about who got the more healthy groceries at the checkout. When covid hit, women became very bold themselves to hit on guys to cope with their loneliness, one followed me around and placed herself besides me fiddling with goods, so it was obvious she wanted to be talked too. Another one intentionally bumped into me three times with her cart to start a conversation.

[@evan12697]

PREACH like theres never just one and not looking busy its always a gaggle and its not like you can sideline just one or walk up to a group and go "you" its just dead out there. And every single place is a goddamn sausagefest

[@marcuss7617]

My biggest pain is falling in love with a close friend who was going through a divorce. I expressed my feelings only to be told that she doesn’t plan on dating or getting into a relationship after getting a divorce. Days later….she on dating apps. Biggest hit to my self esteem ever that I’m still working through.

[@stevethomas74]

Oh man, the ole' "I just can't see myself dating anyone' only to then go and do EXACTLY that. Been there, friend AND with someone that I truly felt a lot for too. It doth suck.

[@smoadia85]

Have you told her how contradicting she is to the point it could be construed as lying? I can see this is gonna create a big rift in your friendship with her, and probably for the better for you.

[@bretbuckley704]

This is something I had to learn the hard way after my first relationship ended several years ago, and with a handful of other women I was interested in in the past. Anytime a woman says "I'm too busy and don't have time for a relationship/ I want to stay single for a while and focus on myself" they are LYING. Women are ALWAYS looking for the next guy, even if they say they're not. Every last woman I knew that played that line ended up with another guy within a few weeks to a month after saying it. Every time without fail. Once they meet these other guys all of a sudden their "super busy" schedule conveniently frees up and they *now* they "have time" for a relationship...yeah, no. It's basically a bullshitty round-about way of them saying they want to date, but not with you. Unless their idea of "staying single for a while" is a laughably short amount of time. To me staying intentionally single for "a while" is like a year or so. Not 3 weeks to a month. 9.9/10 times, women are never genuine about wanting to being single for extended periods of time.

[@marcuss7617]

@@smoadia85 i did. Alot went down. we are no longer friends.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

I had a friend who I really liked, beatiful girl. We even kissed one evening, but she told me that she wants to be alone right now. Which I had to respect of course. After next two weeks I found out she is already in long more less serious realtionship with another guy. My already low self esteem went way belong under zero then. Women just tell the complete BS sometimes only to avoid accounatbility and they don't care how you feel at all and are even capable accusing you from situation. Crazy b*tches. (not all of them)

[@stevenwallace773]

That's the thing. Dating isn't fun at all. It's time consuming, expensive, emotionally taxing, and generally just a loathsome burden. Granted it's a necessary burden if you want an eventual relationship, but the dating part is certainly not "fun" in the slightest.

[@NutritionIan]

I disagree, I think if you can’t have fun on a date with someone than you probably won’t have much fun in a relationship with them either.

[@chaddaniel254]

@@NutritionIan This will depend on a large part to your personality. I am a rather reserved person and on the introverted side. I love to hang out with people I am comfortable with. But the actual dating part, getting to know them, trying to figure out how they will respond to you, that part is no fun at all.

[@moleahy6880]

@@NutritionIan I think you're talking about a date itself rather than the process. Dating for most women is quite easy but very burdensome for men. We're the ones expected to do all of the asking, all of the courting, all of the planning, and all of the paying. The only reason to endure that drudgery is for a pot of gold to be waiting for you at the end of it. And by pot of gold I mean a loyal loving high quality relationship worthy woman you are seriously vetting for marriage. If you haven't found that or you have no interest in marrying, then you've just been wasting your time, energy, and money.

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

on a date when you get asked what your political view and your astrology sign is no matter what you say it won’t be good enough. Back before the feminist propaganda was pushed the questions were what are your hobbies where do you like to travel what kind of music you listen to and then they could relate.

[@moleahy6880]

@@AnonymousProPublicaHakr You shouldn't be dating either a Feminist or a Progressive so screen those out before you waste your time going on that date.

[@BunnyWatson-k1w]

Number 8: Figuring out where to meet someone. The best advice is to get off social media and online dating sites. I have found some unusual places to meet people. Volunteering is a good place to meet people who have empathy towards others. If someone gives time to causes it shows the person has some good qualities. I have also met people through public lectures. My local university hosts public lectures once per month on various topics. There is a social afterwards where you can chat. I have attended Toastmasters clubs in the past too. There you can learn about public speaking skills but will meet people you would never have met otherwise. And depending on the club there can be a lot of singles. Another suggestion would be book clubs. Most book clubs are dominated by women, many of them single.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Great advice! (For men & women).

[@jameslebeau7078]

Modern dating is like going on several job interviews that cost a lot of money as well as time planning, and if you're successful and get married you get a coin toss at losing half your wealth.

[@Harikejn]

Important things: 1:23 First Thing - Not Being Able To Figure Out What The Other Person Is Thinking; 3:10 Second Thing - Finding The Energy To Date Again After A Breakup; 5:31 Third Thing - Dealing With Optimists; 6:43 Fourth Thing - Keeping It From Feeling Repetitive; 8:28 Fifth Thing - Making An Effort And Getting Little In Return; 10:43 Sixth Thing - Trying To Meet Nice People; 11:43 Seventh Thing - Having To Open Up All Over Again; 13:46 Eight Thing - Figuring Out Where To Meet Someone; 15:25 Ninth Thing - Finding In Difficult To Take The Lead; 17:40 Tenth Thing - Being Ghosted; 18:16 Eleventh Thing - Being Emotionally Vulnerable; 20:24 Twelfth Thing - Finding The Time; 22:28 Thirteenth Thing - Figuring Out If It's Love Or Friendship; 24:16 Fourteenth Thing - Being Short; 26:23 Fifteenth Thing - Meeting The Right One; and 28:04 to summarize all the told here. The additional thing can be also this one. And that is Sixteenth Thing - Accepting The Person The Way They Are. We all have our faults, and virtues that we possess (we do some other things good, some bad, etc). But the most important is that we aligned with crucial life things, and also life goals as well. Of course in relationships when we work together, the faults might even vanish (believe it or not). When I was listening to you Courtney I remembered few quotes that I have reed somewhere. And they go like this: 1. Robin Williams once told this thing: "It's not the worst thing when you are alone. The worst thing is when you're in society that makes you feel lonely." 2. Vladeta Jerotić once told this thing: "Those people who love solitude are those people who have paid dearly for someone's presence in society." 3. Žarko Laušević (one actor who passed away a couple of days. R.I.P. legend. Thank you for all legend) once told this thing: "If you are going through a difficult period in your life, and you wonder where God is now..... Remember that the teacher is silent during the test." 4. Nebojša Glogovac once told this thing: "No matter how hard you try around people, it's simply not enough for some people." 5. Patriarch Paul once told this thing: "Everyone is wondering how to be special, but no one is wondering how to be an ordinary person. And being an ordinary person is achieved only by special people". 6. Patriarch Paul also once told this thing: "It will be better, when we are feeling better."

[@Bloodcurling]

Do you like attention?

[@Harikejn]

@@Bloodcurling Do you like attention? Since you're already giving it as well (either you write hate comments, or support comments). And you should study that algorithm to know how it works.

[@TheDSasterX]

Was at the club the other day wallflowering so as to keep a respectful distance and not be creepy, even though there were way more women than men there. At one point someone who I assumed to be maybe a gay crossdresser/trans man (no judgement, I just didn't know them prior) started talking me up and they were the only one I talked to that whole night and it was so nice. It was candid, relaxing, and we complimented each other a bit and tbh in the moment, I kinda wished that I was into him. Afterwards I just thanked him for giving me the light of day and went home only a little bit less sad and lonely than I would have otherwise been.

[@valentingartner3793]

Same with me but with a gay dude.

[@insubordinateandchurlish_]

Ask all the chicks to dance

[@TheDSasterX]

@@insubordinateandchurlish_ See now, aside from my obviously stellar-sick dance moves, I don't think I could bear to be so presumptuous as to assume they'd want to. Giving a dozen girls the ick before finding one who was receptive just feels sooo... gawd idk narcissistic? I know I know, girls love someone with confidence and someone who takes charge, but they also hate people who are cocky and being approached by people they don't want attention from and until I'm sufficiently drunk to not care, I'm probably not going to put myself before them...

[@Fenrir190]

The toxic positivity bit is the major issue for me. Usually when phrases like "finding the one" are used, it's meant as finding one person who will check every single box. This creates an environment where people are quick to leave over the dumbest of things. Conflict resolution and communication skills are practically non existent as a result. It's more realistic to find someone that compliments you and y'all can work on covering each other's weaknesses. My gf hates cooking but loves cleaning to point of it being fun. I'm the exact opposite. Cooking is peaceful to me. I'm glad more balanced content like this exists to actually help men get the results they actually want.

[@taras3702]

Indeed, the toxic positivity alienates me intensely. It's one reason why men just stop trying.

[@admirbarucija2018]

I think my biggest struggles with dating are lack of genuine opportunities to meet women and the challenges of approaching. I worry about not upsetting people and sometimes don’t end up even making an effort

[@valentingartner3793]

I had the same problem because I always wanted to be see as a nice gentleman type guy. You have to learn to overcome your fear of upsetting other people. Here’s an exercise for you, worked wonders for me: Approach a girl and actively try to get rejected. Go out of your way to get a bad response. It’s harder than you think, but you have to go though with it.

[@VideoGameRoom32]

Most men have the slightest clue when a woman gives him hints that she likes him. She communicates indirectly and just assumes a man will get it. Where us men will be direct about it and let her know we like her.

[@BrianWaller-qe7gr]

No we get it but because we were wrong the last 9 times were aren’t going to get fooled again.

[@Cee_Eff]

I got so used to seeing the "stinky eye" /"don't get anywhere closer look" that I have completely lost sight of a "come hither look" . The few times I did get a "come hither look", it was a false signals/prank.

[@samcotten2416]

So exhausted of trying to figure out how to play a game that I already know in advance is rigged against me

[@JACQUEZJOHNSON23]

perfectly said

[@MessageInABottle869]

”Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never weakness.” - Dr. Brene Brown

[@TheLordNikon]

My "meeting style" for women I may be interested in is to get to know them first...to understand how I might feel about them, this often puts me in a friend zone and they lose interest or I then come off as weird when I try to move things towards relationships. I rarely find someone I just vibe with right away and more often than not, the people I don't take my time with, don't end up staying in my life.

[@swellendamtwitcher2769]

You're being to feminine. Women like to pull that trick so they can get male orbiters. What you need to do is hookup and have fun, over time you will discover if the rest of the connection is genuine. You're volunteering to be friendzoned if you do it your way (i've been down that path myself)

[@evan12697]

same

[@Techjunkie51]

That one person in her video said they only get a date about every 3-6 months… I haven’t had one in over two years 😂

[@TCKRDefense]

fucking depressing.

[@highlanderknight]

#9 - Taking the lead (or are you just being used) equal conversation aside, you can lead, pay, make plans, do basically everything even when you are both talking, but it can begin to feel like you are putting 90% of the effort waiting for her to decide if she likes you, or even seeing how much you you'll do to impress her over multiple dates before she even reciprocates. No guy wants to end up being a chump.

[@joelhensley9083]

I dated a lot & had a lot of fun dating in my teenage years & 20's. Then I got into a serious relationship that lasted 7 years, ending in 2010. A shame, but that's life. I had started my 30's by then, & I'd say the 2 biggest problems that I've had dating are 1) There are no women out there (I know, everyone is going to disagree with me, but still can't seem to show me the ladies), & 2) Dating stopped being fun, but became a job interview & work. And let me just say that when I was 30, so from about 28 (still in a relationship) until about 35, I was in the best shape of my life & the most successful I'd ever been before. Most people say to work on yourself right? At my best, there was no one around, which further proves my first point. Anyway, like I said, no longer fun. And I started wondering if maybe dating is fun when your young & gets progressively not fun the older you get. I decided that it was a culture thing. We're just no longer fun as a society. Anyway, I woke up one morning & decided that I didn't have to go through this any more. I had a choice. To keep banging my head against the wall, or go my own way. So, I retired from dating around 30, & it's probably been the best decision I've ever made. You have to look at your life & find what benefits you & keep it, & find what doesn't benefit you & get rid of it.

[@Kashban]

I hear you... Funny thing about this is: Once you become indifferent to women, they pile up like moths around a bright light.

[@joelhensley9083]

Yeah, all the undesirable ones. Or that may just be my curse.

[@kevinc1593]

Happy Thanksgiving Courtney, I’m thankful for all you do for us.

[@CourtneyRyan]

The feeling is mutual! Thank you my friend! 🥰 happy Thanksgiving!

[@godncountry8323]

Let’s be honest, guys!!! For most of us, women aren’t going to be throwing themselves at us!!! Unless we’re worth six figures or more, or if we’ve got movie star good looks, maybe!!!

[@RedX32]

Finding a woman I'm compatible with and attracted to with enough shared values is my biggest problem.

[@brianthesnail3815]

My two young adult sons say the biggest problem is the laundry list young women bring with them and being a princess. My eldest has now found a young woman who is highly educated, no issues, professional career and brings a solid half to the relationship. Very compatible My youngest son totally struggling to find anyone to be interested in dating him and he is intelligent, great professional career ahead of him, educated, cultured, very fit and well toned, nice looking, interesting and a good man to be with and talk to, cooks, cleans, 5' 10'. He has so much going for him. One woman did ask him out to dinner, split the bill, good evening and then ghosted him. Weird.

[@onethree123d]

If she did all of that which most women won't do meaning she was really interested then the problem is probably him

[@thelegendarycamel]

I think as guys, we miss like.very obvious signs at times. I had an amazing interaction with a girl at the gym and she literally TOLD me she was single and it took me at least 5 minutes longer than it should have to register. --- we are now dating for coming up on a year

[@jazzyjake99]

Glad to hear you found someone.

[@JDoomhauer87]

36 year old single dad (no Co-parent) :Finding childcare and also a woman that understands when I can’t find childcare. That’s my biggest dating struggle.

[@jans724]

Single dad as well and therefore I'm done with dating. When I realised that it was actually liberating.

[@swalesdevices8876]

@@jans724I don't mean this as some kind of "gotcha", but I'm interested more as a social phenomenon. Why do you think that you (and a lot of other people who feel the same way as you do) watch dating/sex/relationships videos? Is dating so prevalent in the culture that you can't let go?

[@jans724]

@@swalesdevices8876 I can't speak for others but I often watch youtube videos when I am alone and eat. It's instead of tv. A few times I have watched this Courtney Ryan and I think she has interesting and good observations. It's about life and social life really. Doesn't mean I want to date. I'm a single dad with a daughter so the dating days are over.

[@Pikawarps]

@@SecondChance972’initial talking, decide if you like them, talking stages (days or weeks of talking), going on a first date, judging if it went well, going on next date, did this date fix any concerns? If yes: become boyfriend/girlfriend’. Is very formulaic and broken compared to what relationships are supposed to be

[@drip369]

You don't have to put your guard down to open up to somebody, just don't share every single detail about your life with them. Give them something to learn about you over time.

[@stevenmartin7053]

Exposing oneself as a romantic amateur, especially as one ages...gets really difficult to want to expose as opposed to just enjoying my life. I hate feeling like an idiot. I feel like I'm only attractive when I'm not trying. But it also means I'm not paying attention. I'll get home from Home Depot and sit down. And I'll replay how the cashier was laughing at my jokes and followed me all the way out the parking lot to keep talking to me. And then I place both palms to my face and rub my eyes and go, "Steve...you ***ing idiot...". Yes, women...at least one man really is that blind. It's not you.

[@emmadkamara4004]

I want to warn you and warn other guys - DO NOT come from a place of ‘want’ because that says ‘I don’t have a gf’ or ‘I don’t have experience’ or any of those limiting beliefs and this state puts anyone in a state of lack. Want means lack and you’re telling the universe ‘I don’t have it!’ This is super true and it’s coming from the LOA

[@CasaBonita1018]

Your comments on #2 contradict your affirmation of the sentiment of #3. *Your* optimism is patronizing

[@dieseldan5189]

women cannot comprehend, including this presenter, how much energy a man has to expend to court a women. Women don’t have to expend hardly any energy. “Oh just put yourself back out there and make new connections….” Easy for a women to say.

[@catwalkcool]

I am currently in the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m 28, she’s 41. Not only is it the smoothest, but the quality of our dates & time together has raised the bar tremendously. It is almost everything I could ask for, except, we know this is only temporary. She knows I want to marry & have children with a woman who is closer (and younger) than my age. The problem is dating women my age.

[@nobodysperfect06]

I assume you had to be the one to ask her out and hit on her, my guess is you had plenty of girlfriends before her

[@jazzyjake99]

@@nobodysperfect06That’s a stupid thing to assume. Maybe he’s never had a relationship before this.

[@foxtrotunit1269]

My biggest problem: Don't have any women in my social circle. Dating apps, everyone seems to agree, are useless for men unless they're top 3%. I'll be honest, I'm decently attractive, confident and what not - but not top 3% are you kidding me lol Also, "Go out and find more ppl" is basically just words without meaning. Like, if you too.

[@Danny328DT]

I'm gonna be honest, I never went out of my way to find my partner. I found my girlfriend just being myself and doing what I like. It always started as friendships, and sometimes feelings will be more visible. I've noticed it's a lot tedious if you actually try to manually find one as you're basically interviewing the perfect women in your eyes. It's difficult, which is why I recommend just putting yourself out there, talk to men and women, look for the signs if a woman likes you, and just don't think about it all that much. For me, I never put so much emphasis on doing XYZ to get a girlfriend.

[@SystematicMechanic]

You literally have to go out looking for girls. It is what it is.

[@foxtrotunit1269]

@@Danny328DT That's would be pretty good way actually. 👍 *Major caveat* is if you like doing *male things* and have *male interests* - you end up meeting men: - I study at a technical university - my class has 8 women --> all in relation ships (except 1 who showed interest, but then went for a taller dude) - I attend IPSC sports shooting competitions almost weekly. 30-40men --> 1 woman, married. - I joined a hunting club 6mo ago. 25 hunters +30 from a neighboring hunting club --> 3 women, all married - I had a summer job working in analytics laboratory.15 ppl in my circle, 10 of which were women (Yes!)...buuut... they're all 35-45yrs old and married (I was 22, now 25) - I played airsoft a few times, 12-15 dudes, and 1 girl (already taken by 1 one the guys there) ....but thanks.

[@Vergil14]

For number 13, I spoke on this on another video, but I’ll do it again here. Sometimes it’s not always an issue of a an interpreting something wrong. Sometimes, a woman does an action that gives off a certain idea, and when she’s called on it, she’ll say “oh I’m like that with everyone!”, knowing damn well that those actions give a very different idea. Some women even know they do it, get called out on it, and still do it anyway. So gentlemen, if you’re getting mixed signals, stay away.

[@blainehamlett2054]

As a man who went from rock bottom(by no choice of my own) to a very high chance of having a good future(career etc). Itd be nice to tell all to young men and other men who struggle in dating. Unfortunately thats such tricky waters to navigate. Its hard to put information out there without drawing unwanted attention or being put into "manospheres" of kinds when doing that. Ive just been benefiting by myself, unjudged, cloutless, and at the utmost peace because of that.

[@mIKE.TURNup]

Starting all over again is mine. I was married for a little over 20 years our kids are grown so getting out there on the dating scene is tough. It’s a totally different scene . My tolerance is low . I also like living alone more than I thought I did. Sadly I compare anything to my ex wife . Example I would say to myself i never had to deal with this with my ex so why would I with her. Also it seems that you gotta make 100k to date according to women . I make good for myself but I’m not raising a whole woman.

[@fletchergull4825]

I feel like women dating coaches always say "if she likes you, you'll know. If she's not engaging it means she's not into you". While male coaches say "ofcourse she doesnt like you, she doesn't even know you yet! It's up to you to put yourself infront of her, display value, and win her over through the interaction" I can't tell if these perspectives are congruent or if they are contradictory?

[@chrisandsneaky2453]

The women are actually telling the truth this time. I'm nearly 50 years old; I've been observing female behavior longer than most of the guys commenting here have been alive. The fact is that a woman will move mountains for a guy she wants. I've seen women do truly despicable things like throwing away their kids because a guy they wanted didn't want the kids around. If a woman shows you no interest, she has none. Do not waste time or money trying to change that. You can't. If she acts interested but seems to constantly throw up roadblocks, she does not want you; she's using you. She will move mountains for you if she wanted you.

[@raymondmasullo3386]

The toxic positivity is the one that gets me. Well meaning clichés are still clichés. I got off the apps a few weeks ago. My mental health has already improved. I've also adopted the mindset that if it happens, great. If not, oh well. I'll live. That's also helped.

[@antoniobrasse7157]

So I've watched the whole video. What these guys need is to actually do some ontological personal development work and/or hire an ontological/life coach to help with opening their awareness and how to correctly practice vulnerability. If these guys tackle the ontological aspect in their lives, not only will they see their dating lives improve, they'll see everything improve. I've constantly said most guys that are in the comments complaining about women and dating really need a life coach, not a dating or relationship coach. They often have various issues going on showing up in multiple areas of their lives that are going unattended to.

[@ryanmills892]

My biggest hurdle in meeting women is just the approach; i don't know what to say once the introduction is made, just recently i watched a guy approach two women and walked away with BOTH of their phone numbers, i felt flabbergasted by his success when i fail at every attempt i muster up the courage and brave the risk to make an approach.

[@timothydiehl8520]

11:24 Courtney, you should read “Self Made Man” by Norah Vincent from 2006. She impersonated living as a man, including dating. One of (many) revelations was how mean women were in dating. Times and social media are very different now, but it s worth a read.

[@rookooful]

I don't read non fiction but I read that and it was really good. Everyone should read it

[@Kashban]

Very worthwile.... unfortunately she killed herself a few years because she got into a deep depression after this experience.

[@delawarehistory1675]

Courtney tells us to ignore the fact that its way easier for women to date; but what she doesn't seem to realize is, that directly effects us. If she had a zillion options and we have none, who has the upper hand? She can have 1000 expectations she can put on guys and simply move to the next one when you make the smallest mistake.

[@adamled99]

That's called leverage. It sucks. What can you do? Become the best version of yourself.

[@JohannesNel-n8c]

Very true.

[@delawarehistory1675]

@@adamled99 Totally agree with becoming the best version of yourself. But that should have nothing to do with women. If you think improving yourself will attract more women; you are likely going to be very disappointed. I am 6ft tall, thin, decent looking, make over 6 figures a year, own a house. Guess how many women I get? ZERO.

[@david2-v7t]

She would like you to feel she has the upper hand. Don't let her fool you. For them it is not the same. Her worth goes down each time she moves on to the next one. For you as a man it is the opposite.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

@@delawarehistory1675 So you are tall and financialy stable, and? Maybe you are an a**hole. What do we know? 🤷‍♂Too pushy, too clingy, it can be anything and combination of many things. You have to be brutally honest to yourself. That's the only way. You cannot change other people. That's waste of time.

[@jeremyferguson5588]

Being 5'5 I understand that i will be single forever based on my height..but that just means i have more money and free time to build my life my Money and my health...i can still try to live a beautiful life..i can still travel i can still work hard i can still make more money i can still drive nice cars i can still live in beautiful homes.. women don't want me based on my height and thats ok..

[@jeremyferguson5588]

I'm glad I saw this video it gave me confirmation to give on dating...

[@TCKRDefense]

Don't fucking give up. You can try to see Escorts as an option or do the Passport Bros Idea. if i was the President of the united states i would order you to keep trying to look for a women or you would get 75 years in prison and i would find you a women overseas for you to date.

[@michaelstein7510]

I’m 5’5 myself. Dating is certainly harder for us, especially online dating, where we often get filtered out before women can even view our profiles. It’s frustrating, but dating isn’t impossible for us. It’s just harder. I’ve dated a couple good-looking women that were our height or even a bit taller than me. You and I can still be successful with women, but we have to put in more work than taller men, and we’re more likely to impress a woman in person than online.

[@michaelespeland]

A very difficult part about this is knowing if you're coming on too strong, or not direct enough, so you're stuck in this place where if you engage too much - or you think you do - the other person is gonna feel you're too desperate. This again leads to a more passive approach, and there is no way of telling if it's the right or wrong way to go. It's like a loop of uncertainty, which can totally derail a possible connection with someone.

[@Skyler827]

I think the solution to this is to just announce what you're thinking, what you intend to do, allow her to correct you if you're wrong, and just do it. For example, casual conversation, talking to a cute girl about an event you're at; "If I see you again, I might ask you if you're single, since you're pretty cute." But not actually asking if she's single then and there, but asking next time. It does require that you disclose your level of interest, but it also allows you to communicate your restraint as well. Or, when trying to link up and schedule a date, send a text like "That's fine that you want to reschedule. I will text you at [x time] with my availability for next week". This shows reliability, consideration, follow up, but also that you're not desperate enough to prioritize her over everything else, which makes you valuable. Or, after you're on a date, something like "I think you should come to my place and bang. But I'm open to suggestions." Then, operate as if she's going to say yes without forcing her to say anything too early. Of course always accept if/when she says no and meet her where she is. Women are much more forgiving of an unacceptable request when it is presented as a negotiable suggestion or proposition rather than a demand. But they do require a battery of propositions to get the ball rolling, and the propositions generally need to be negotiated.

[@cs8712]

protip: stop caring what women think and just do what feels right

[@SystematicMechanic]

Tell them you don't read minds so you just ask.

[@michaelespeland]

This is not a problem just when it comes to women, but all people in general actually. Making new friends is also a challenge sometimes due to this way of thinking

[@chrisandrew6633]

"You got to get out of the house." I'd say in a month i don't leave the house maybe one or two days. The issue is, out in the world women avoid noticing guys around them. (And we can feel it.) But then, when women are forced to interact w me (bc of their job) we have a genuinely nice connection. I think women need to tell each other more often that their closed-off demeanor is ruining their chances of finding someone.

[@azmike3572]

"Go to the gym, take a fitness class, go to the museum, farmers' market, coffee shop, bookstore, join a local group or club." I have done a lot of similar things suggested...and did meet women... ALL of them were already in a relationship; they were there for that activity, not to meet men. Not sure women go to those places specifically to meet men. A lot of time can be wasted talking, only to find out they're unavailable.

[@maxwillson]

The economy is the number one issue. Women's standards need to drop or I'm going to be homeless. That's not a joke. I literally can't afford to wooo women. It's kind of scary that women think it's funny that men are thinking about the Roman Empire. It's not funny, we're quite literally preparing for an economic collapse right now. Crime is through the roof because women in particular are not paying attention to politics. Today is not the day to be going to music festivals in Israel.

[@TCKRDefense]

The blackpill was heavily influenced by 'looks theory', which was promoted by a user of the now defunct PUAhate board. On incel boards on Reddit and blackpilled incel forums such as incels.is, influenced by chadfishing experiments and insights from online dating, the term blackpill increasingly referred to lookism with a good-gener bent. This was opposed to redpill arguments, which frequently asserted women responded most to a man's level of 'game'. For these blackpillers, ugly, 'genetically inferior' men have no chance of getting laid in an unconstrained mating context due to female hypergamy.

[@TCKRDefense]

Women are Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "dating up" or "marrying up"[1]) is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person dating or marrying a spouse of higher social status or sexual capital than themselves.

[@dirtydan9457]

Its so so so refreshing when a woman shows interest or asks about me. I can count the times on one hand that ive had girls ask about me

[@The-Vitruvian-Man]

It's difficult finding a woman who is kind to others, humble, feminine, healthy, does sweet things for her man, and can hold and start interesting conversations. A vast majority of women are at least a couple of the following--sassy or over dramatic, very overweight or obese, does drugs, boring to talk with, and expects to be treated like a queen without spoiling her man in return. American culture, in particular, has left many women undesirable and it's difficult connecting with the minority of women who are good catches.

[@AK-American]

Amen brother

[@tehlaziness]

There's the other catch that is finding those good women when they're ACTUALLY single

[@stevethomas74]

Agreed and don't think it's any better on this side of the pond here in the UK either. And how many times have you spotted these buzzwords on a dating profile "Fluent in sarcasm/very sarcastic", "Very blunt", "A lot to handle", "Swipe left if you're right wing/voted Brexit *insert anything else*" and/or just generally made their profile sound so obnoxious, Narcissistic and off-putting that you can't swipe past quick enough?

[@onethree123d]

​@@stevethomas74There is a male equivalent to this unfortunately most people seem to be emotionally jaded and need therapy before starting to date they make it seem bleak for the rest if ur healthy then your equivalent is out there don't mind those women because they're on the level of hurt men like them and that's not for you to worry about

[@stevethomas74]

Agreed also@jaded. It pours out of their profile descriptions @@onethree123d

[@jakepointer5494]

I will say that the advice 'watch actions more than words' is sound, I've been doing that more lately and it helps a lot. I had it recently where a girl kept saying she wanted to meet up again and then either not pinning down a day/time or flat out not replying. We did not meet in the end despite what she kept saying i.e. her actions spoke louder than her words!

[@vikingfarmer3498]

I'm a 53 year old single dad of a 7 year old. Nobody wants anything to do with me.

[@TCKRDefense]

Why don't you try doing the passport bros idea? or find single moms who also have children and see how that goes. You need to find a women who is willing to accept you and your kid who loves children. You need to Wed her, Bed her and as they say in the movies Hasta la vista, baby

[@flowerfarmerscott]

It's hard to hear about "struggling" with dating. Disappointment is ALWAYS tied to expectation. Conversely, the key to satisfaction is keeping your expectations reasonable. If you go in with the goal of finding somebody to spend a long time with, chances are you'll be disappointed. If you go in wanting to get to know more about somebody, you're going to "succeed" every single time.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

WISDOM

[@innocentrage1]

My biggest struggle is finding a girl to talk to in general. I work from home, gave up on online dating after never getting matches, and it doesn't seem like anyone goes out anymore. It also sucks that the only thing my friends want to do is go out to the bar. Like dude you are gonna be dead by 50 cuz you drink so much. Lets go bowling or ice skating or something diffrent.

[@universal3024]

I’m in the same position, but, why don’t you just go to the bar yourself. Order something to eat there at the bar and eat and drink at the bar and go from there ..

[@Catalonia]

I have the same "can't get a date problem". It's agonizingly frustrating...

[@xslabcabxhearsex]

The biggest problem with dating these days to me is this.women are not brought up and taught to be a wife. Women want a traditional male but doesn’t want to be a traditional wife.this is the main issue. Men need to be happy alone and not put your happiness on being in a relationship.men should be on there purpose,getting a great job,starting a business,bettering themselves should come first.a woman has to bring something to the table,not just sex.most have had a child from previous marriage/relationship.most men don’t want to raise another mans child and spend his resources on them if they are being honest.todays women have a false illusion of there worth. Men work on your purpose and don’t settle for a woman that doesn’t bring anything to the table. Women teach your daughters how to be a wife so this cycle doesn’t repeat its self.

[@asims1988]

My biggest struggle is having nowhere to go. I only ever went to the gym after work, but during the covid lockdown in 2020 I went all in on a home gym. I can never go back to a commercial gym. I tried, but waiting for equipment you have at home is brutal. Also, in my experience, people are at the gym to workout and not socialize, myself included. Other than my weekly grocery store runs that have yielded 0 results that's it. I've never had any luck online dating. It's been 3 years single with no end in sight.

[@lewisb85]

Biggest one is when they move the goalposts or "get a better offer", had an experience lately where she was really into me was pushing forward then suddenly her "priorities had changed", crushing but Im guessing she felt like she had a better offer.

[@johndoe1274]

Attract people who don't expect you to be at an auction in order to get with them. I've never met a person like this in my life.

[@MasterJediPhil]

My biggest problem is meeting a girl. I’m at work or the gym a lot (2 places that aren’t good for getting women). I’ve been forced to use dating apps so it’s very hard for me to get her off the app because my text game sucks

[@kcassidy90]

Same for me on all this

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

GET INVOLVED in other interests (other than the gym)!!! The dating apps seem so destructive. Volunteer. Take a class. Go to cultural sites. Something besides swiping. Even if on any particular day you don't meet a woman, you'll still have PARTICIPATED in something that you enjoy!

[@kahldris1228]

As someone who is somewhat recently divorced from a women who was much younger and didn't know what she was doing at the end and I finally said I'm done. Online dating is not the way to go. Granted I'm into different forms of dancing so that helps. However I can tell when a women is doing online dating or not. Like Courtney says actions speaks very loud, I am lucky where even when I was young if a girl doesn't make me feel like she's into me I'm out. Guys don't waste time on a app trying to convince a women your worth it. Go out and do things and find. A women who is worth your time.

[@mooseyman74]

Agreed. You will take a number and get inline while she works through the candidates

[@slickgossip6893]

Mine is when you're trying to hold a conversation with a woman on a dating app and the only replies you get back are either one word answers, an emoji or even worse just "lol". Soon as that happens I'm done 😂

[@CourtneyRyan]

😵‍💫 this is so annoying! I don’t blame you, I’d be done with a conversation like that too lol

[@CaptCanuck4444]

If you want to attract the right type of woman, work on becoming the right type of man. Work out, work on your style, fine tune your grooming, read books, travel (even just to the neighbouring city or state) expand your life experiences and interests. Become financially literate. Volunteer, pick up some social hobbies, etc... It's not that complicated, but it does take effort. Too many men and women expect to find someone who "loves them for who they are" but what that really means is they want the ultimate prize without having to put in the hard work and effort.

[@dang75790]

Lol dude I found a woman at 23. I'm 49. Didn't have to do any of the dumb shit. You must be a fool 😂

[@OpLanters08]

That positive mindset has changed a lot for me recently and I hope with me saying that, passes on to the next person. The power of being positive can definitely change a lot of outcomes you would have thought differently. Well said Courtney. Oh also I noticed something that has benefited me years ago. I realized that not only do I have a certain type of woman but that certain type of woman likes me to. So maybe step outside your boundaries and date woman from a different cultural. Obviously try to get to know her but I really enjoy dating the women that are polar opposite of me.

[@Kadsistency]

For my biggest issues are: Time - I work full time at a normal job but also part time on a KZbin channel of my own that I’m working to monetize. Between those and hobbies there doesn’t feel like there’s room for dates and relationships. Introversion - I’m an introvert so it’s already tough to get close to anyone much less someone I find attractive but I also have an element of social anxiety so I have to fight through my projections of negative thoughts onto others. Inexperience - I’ve only been in one relationship back in college and every other attempt has been unsuccessful for various reasons. Point being it makes me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing but the older I get, the more I feel like I should know.

[@kinnymonster]

Guys, join the rest of us in the bleachers. I went through this years ago. Nothing's changed. Chix have only gotten worse. They're not gonna get back in line when u keep playin the game by their rules. You'll save yourself a lot of time, pain, & money. If u die alone so be it. Better to die alone than play their game. Live life, be happy. If u stumble across a good woman along the way, great. But, til then, put yourself first & live.

[@genix5700]

Courtney, Just wanted to say that you are beautiful and thank you for helping us out through the years! Happy Thanksgiving!

[@stevenplaysbone8791]

The biggest struggle for me is just finding someone who can get past how ugly I am. I'm on all the dating apps, and I get NO FUCKING MATCHES. Everyone I know who's at least somewhat attractive gets matches every day or every week. I get my haircut regularly. I shave every day. I wash my face. I shower every day. I brush my teeth twice a day. I do all the stuff to take care of myself, but I just wasn't blessed with good looks.

[@dgwaters]

Dude, I know what you are going through. I’ve been on a dating website for seven years and have had only two responses. Neither lead to anything.

[@MartirosMardoyan301AD]

One of my biggest struggles is not being social aware because of my mental disorder. I don’t know how to read people or their body language. Which contributes to my struggle in dating.

[@MH15501]

For me the biggest problem in dating is getting dates in the first place. Tried asking for dates in real life back when I was in highschool/college and was always rejected. I have always despised bars/clubs/festivals or anything loud and with a large crowd so I won't meet anyone there. Right now in the latter half of my 20's I feel like I can only meet women through dating apps, but after having used those for a couple of years I have still never had a date. Also no viable partners my age at my job, but I don't want to date anyone from work anyway because there is just too much at risk if things go south someway. I just feel like I am stuck in an infinite loop of rejection and have honestly kind of given up on ever meeting someone (for now atleast).

[@chengliu872]

Which apps have you used?

[@CathDaddy]

What about focusing inwards? Bettering yourself, or exemplifying your positive traits. For example, why would you want to date you if you were a woman? And capitalize on those strengths

[@AlexanderSkinnerVids]

@@CathDaddy And you don’t think he’s already doing that? 🙄

[@dgwaters]

I know exactly what you are going through. I’ve been on a dating website for seven years. It was a tough decision but I decided to stop using it. It just wasn’t working for me and didn’t want to waste anymore money on it.

[@chrisandsneaky2453]

@@CathDaddy keep giving that advice: "Improve yourself." Its bullshit. I know so many men who are highly educated, successful in their careers, making a LOT of money, who have interesting hobbies, and are good human beings...and no woman will touch them because they're not covered in tattoos, they don't drink or do drugs, they work within respectable society rather than rejecting it. Women are the problem; no society can sustain itself when its women reject the men who are the backbone of that society in favor of worthless degenerates.

[@AK-American]

Courtney its NOT society telling men to not cry or anything like that. It's women's actions tward guys that do. Everytime you bring this up you avoid the real problem. Women rather you want to admit it or not, it is your fault we don't open up to you.

[@PoorlySoup]

Dating is about filtering. If it doesn't work out with someone (hopefully earlier than later), then good! Means you didn't waste any more time with a mismatch. If we hope that the next date works out regardless of compatibility, then we can end up in a bad relationship, which can do more damage than a series of early rejections from people we wouldn't ultimately have wanted to be with anyway.

[@TCKRDefense]

i could care less about a women's personality and Most women i doubt would want to date me. But if i had power i would put all those women in prison for refusing to date me. The question is why should a Women have the power to refuse to date me? and the bad Relationship you say? the most important thing about a women is her ass or booty and i could care less about how bad the relationship is and how nice of a ass she has is the most important factor of a good women.

[@Andrew--S]

Only women and the top 5% of men get to filter

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

WISDOM. Thanks!

[@dufflebagg]

#9 is a sticky one for me. Although I've definitely become more comfortable over time with taking the lead in dating, both because I am well aware it is considered "manly and attractive" and also sometimes just out of necessity, since the other person clearly wasn't going to, my temperament and to an extent my way of enjoying life is to be pretty laid back and to mostly go with the flow so that I can have a broad range of experiences and I don't get tired of just doing the same things I already know I like. I absolutely LOVE it when someone else has a plan or idea for something to do and just wants me to come along for the ride, since I don't have to think about what we're doing and I may get to have an experience I would not have had otherwise. In that regard I actually feel like something that I can (and do) offer in relationships is to be a person who is always "up for" basically anything, even when I typically don't prefer to be the one to take the lead. I understand that there needs to be compromise in all things, so never taking the lead or planning anything at all wouldn't be fair of me either, and like I said, I definitely can and will do that when appropriate, but I won't lie that I usually feel miscast in the role of the person who always has to take charge and I guess I bristle at the idea that this is even a gendered role to play. I don't think I'm a particularly "feminine" man and I don't feel that any of the women I dated were overly "masculine" at all, so anecdotally I think it relates more strongly to a person's disposition than anything else and I worry that this is a case where trying to adhere too closely to traditional gender roles may result in men pretending to be something they're not and coming off disingenuous or women feeling steamrolled when they would have actually preferred to go on dates they came up with, etc., and it just pours more confusion and frustration into the dating mix. Just something to consider.

[@nobodysperfect06]

I think a lot of men feel this way because I think it's a normal part of human nature or just a human instinct to not feel like one person should have to do everything

[@arckocsog253]

I understand you, but in the courting stage you need to pull yourself together and organise the date, otherwise the girl is going to think you are not interested / low effort. If you don’t do it, someone else will.

[@anthonybrown3125]

As a man you can't have standards because you are lucky to get 1 date or 2 a year and if you want a none smoker or no kids or 1 with a job you might not find 1 or none a year. Then most women looking for a guy that Buys them lots of stuff or they just move on to the next guy because some guy will pay there bills

[@FrankM]

Concerning the topic of leaving your house, doing things you enjoy, in hopes of finding someone, it's actually not that easy. Many women have a wall up and bury their faces in their mobile device, have ear phones/headphones on tuning, out the world. So it is challenging and disconcerting to approach such women, because they are signaling they aren't open to a conversation. And the few women that are open to conversations, are well-rounded, more often than not, are in a relationship.

[@AK-American]

Yup, the good ones are taken brother

[@takethesquid]

That's a huge issue, whenever i develop interest in someone that is sane and reasonable, only to find out they're already being happy in a healthy stable relationship for years at that point

[@tdrive398]

What I got out of this is what I already experienced: 1. Modern womyn aren't worth the trouble. At all. 2. Dating is work for a guy, for women it's super easy. They then think that is universal and that it's easy for us. They have no clue... and worse- they don't care. 3. Most women put very little effort into trying to find a Good Man. Something is as valuable as the amount of effort you put into it. Therefore, they must not really prioritize Good Men.

[@dudeguyme1]

Good men are not valuable

[@CathDaddy]

What is your definition of a good man?

[@tdrive398]

@@dudeguyme1 B.S.

[@tdrive398]

​@@CathDaddy That’s actually a good question- it is rarely asked. I assume you're asking in good faith, so I will respond likewise; everyone can have their own spin on it, but I believe these are the basics: - He maintains a masculine frame. No s!mpin’, no soi boi nonsense, no f-enist traits - He willingly accepts responsibility for: his actions, his choices, and those for whom he’s in charge of (his kids, his wife; if a combat leader, the men under his command) - He has integrity; he has core values which are inviolable - He has a Purpose- and he pursues it - He proactively assesses risk and prepares for the future - He provides for, protects, and leads his family - He refuses to accept disrespect: especially from his woman - He sets high standards for himself and his woman; he refuses to settle for a 304 or f-enist. 💪💪 Bonus aspects: - He is a gentleman to ladies. Most modern womyn aren’t ladies, so this is becoming rare (304s and "Boss Bs" don't deserve to be treated as "ladies"). He doesn’t place his woman on a pedestal, but he doesn’t mistreat her either. He knows he is the bedrock of the relationship and the family- elevating her above himself places both in danger. - He is capable of extreme violence- yet keeps it under control. The world is a dangerous place; he must be capable of being dangerous. - He has mental fortitude - He is a loyal "ride or die" friend to Good Men of similar character - He is courageous. “Courage is being afraid, yet saddling up anyway.” In the spirit of "equality", what is the definition of a Good Woman?

[@jericoba]

Good to see you acknowledge that many of those points have to do with how men are and their faults. Men can't just blame it all on women and society, we have to change and improve ourselves too.

[@-Tele-gram_RealCourtneyRyan]

L̳E̳T̳’̳S̳ ̳D̳I̳S̳C̳U̳S̳S̳ ̳A̳B̳O̳V̳E̳🤦‍♂️🌝🤷‍♀️,

[@michaelsantangelo7997]

I give up. Women's standards are impossible to live up to. We're always told "work on yourself. Make yourself worthy." How much more fucking work do I have to do? I lifted myself out of illness and poverty. I got my masters degree. I make really close to 6 figures. My work benefits society. I've helped troubled kids. I've helped homeless people get off the streets and find a place to live. I've talked people out of committing suicide and homicide. I'm an activist who's been part of many activist groups including being the chair of the board of directors of a 501(c)(3). I'm currently the group leader of a climate change activist group. I can sing and used to be in a band with a record deal. I can cook. I have a lot of friends. I'm not shy. I'm outgoing and good in conversation. I have a good sense of humor. I'm 6'2". At age 45, I'm constantly being told I look under 40 by both men and women. I work out. All this and i can't even get an average girl to return a phone call or show up to a date. Even women who approach me and ask me for my number ghost me/flake out on dates, etc. The message over and over is clear: not good enough. It sucks when a woman sees you as not good enough and she herself isn't anything special.

[@zuleimazarate9712]

Thank you for your videos Courtney I enjoy learning from them , for instance asking myself how I could be a better partner? Figuring that out and mowing what I can do better I know will help me in dating.

[@TheDSasterX]

One date every 3-6 months? Those are some rookie numbers. I get like 1 convo on dating apps per 3-6 months of committed swiping. It's just the worst feeling when you hit the end of the match list and start seeing repeats or people way outside your preferences/sexuality lmao. I've been trying out speed dating lately and it's kinda fun, even if nothing comes of it and it forces you to at least acknowledge the existence of people you might otherwise swipe left on. I feel like a creep approaching women at bars/clubs because of how sexually charged the environment can feel and it just seems to obvious that you're approaching on shallow grounds, so I'd need a wingman, her to approach, or some other way to spark up a convo (maybe outside where you can actually talk) -- but it's still outside my comfort zone and a struggle to try and channel my inner bro 😅.

[@Absalonrascon]

My biggest problem is that I’ve got rejected a lot by ladies. I’ve put myself in hard situations. And it doesn’t work out. I’ve also tried to compliment them and I feel like I’m bound to fail every time. Whenever she said that Women get rejected, but it’s different b, because they cannot be seen like that. I just started thinking a lot about how it’s very hard for men to overcome rejection. It’s personally been really difficult, because sometimes I talk to people and they tell that I’m hanging out with the wrong crowd and that I need to stand my ground to let her know that she doesn’t deserve me. I personally struggle with those scenarios. I feel like they’re not needed. Either way, I’m more motivated now.

[@kevinbradshaw6127]

Confident men have had times when they were rejected or shot down, it takes trial and error in dating to improve, confident men just bounce back quicker because they've more experience

[@TCKRDefense]

You don't need confidence when you are born genetically attractive. The blackpill is a philosophy that argues that physical attractiveness is the most critical factor in determining men's dating success, especially in modern Western countries.[1] A man's money, status, and social skills are argued to be other factors of secondary importance, which is known as LMS theory. An expanded or alternate definition proposes that a man's dating and life outcomes generally rely on genetically determined traits.[2][3] As a consequence of these beliefs, blackpillers often argue that men's dating issues require systematic rather than individual solutions, if there is any solution at all for the most disadvantaged males.[4] Someone who holds a certain amount of blackpill beliefs is called a blackpiller or blackpilled.

[@Therealkingk909]

16:00 on taking the lead i understand where he’s coming from. As an oldest child and older brother with a dad who was in jail growing up i feel like I’ve always had to take the lead and take charge because as a man that was my role. And i did. Throughout school and throughout college and into my first few jobs i was always in positions of leadership taking on all the responsibilities and planning that come with that. In my fraternity i was literally voted Vice President, pledge master, philanthropy chair, social chair and Sargent at arms and i performed all of my jobs well including rushing in the biggest pledge class in 10 years while implementing strict library hours with older brothers to help maintain good grades. I could go on but my point is it was refreshing the first time i met a girl who was more comfortable taking the lead because she feels more comfortable when she’s in control initially and it was really a perspective shift for me. I’m someone who will literally give the world for those i love everytime but after dating her i gotta say my standards for what i want to see in a relationship are a whole lot higher now

[@spacelinx]

As a man who isn’t that muscular, I feel like the biggest struggle for dating is the high standard women have for looks. I understand that looks can matter, but I feel like women will only accept the dude who looks like Momoa or something. Even men who I know look better than me muscles-wise struggle too, because they don’t meet the ridiculous standards of modern women. Hence the popular manosphere mantra of 1 percent of men are dating the other 80 percent of women on the dating apps.

[@highlanderknight]

Most of those women are being used by the top percent when they think they are in a healthy relationship. Then, when they get dumped they have the "all men are AHs" attitude. But because of that attention they begin to see most men as beneath them. Not all women of course but too many.

[@cinemalights2625]

My issue is that I’ve been perpetually afraid of flirting. All my life I thought I wasn’t good enough, and it wasn’t until this year that I realized I was and that women actually do enjoy my company. It’s just that I never took the lead and showed interest, so how could they possibly like me back?

[@joenoonan9406]

The best times I've had at bars were at gay bars. It is seriously nice to be able to not have all the girls tell you to fuck off and the other guys just be either indifferent or competition. So nice for moral to just have somebody try to pick you up even if you have zero interest. I tell the gay guys uo front I'm straight, but just being desired every once in a long while is nice.

[@josesantana770]

However, at the end You might have to deal with balls. No fun.

[@oliverpetroski4205]

My struggles are when I do find a girl that is attractive (and and the same time is also single) she lives in another country and is not going to come over. Others are when I find out she's a single mom and gold digger. Most often though, is when she takes toxic advices from her toxic jealous "friends" of her who just want to ruin it.

[@-Tele-gram_RealCourtneyRyan]

L̳E̳T̳’̳S̳ ̳D̳I̳S̳C̳U̳S̳S̳ ̳A̳B̳O̳V̳E̳🤦‍♂️🌝🤷‍♀️,

[@Jazzmaster1992]

As far as the point about "leading", I've sort of come to the conclusion that it's not bad advice to take initiative in your dating life, but because it's something you want to do. You being responsible for your happiness and feeling an obligation to go after what you want in life feels like a much better reason to pursue something than feeling like it's your "job". If you're not showing up and "leading", it could be a lack of motivation to try at all, or it could be that the woman you're wanting to court hasn't done much to earn that effort from you just yet. Not to mention the fact that if she really wanted you, there's no reason for her not to at least make that known. I've had women walk up to me and make the first move in the past, so it's not like they're entirely incapable of doing it. I wouldn't tell guys to wait for every woman to make the move, I just feel like it shouldn't matter who does.

[@johndoe1274]

tl;dr Give and receive. Don't take and keep.

[@gottrekk5798]

Great advices like always on top of the confidence, appearance (including clothing, haircut, shoes) and... flirting skills.

[@BryJovi17]

35 and having to start all over again! Gosh what a position that would feel like to be in, when I turned 35 this year and have never even started a relationship with any woman 💀🔫 22 odd years of liking the opposite sex and no girlfriends or sex, now that sucks

[@ejkpoet3461]

Be happy, avoid toxic ppl, set boundaries, know your worth and ask more girls out on a date

[@josephsheehan1852]

Exactly what it is. Girls these days are try and boring. Getting them to talk is like pulling teeth; gives me Bobbi Althoff vibes. Trying to be nice and courteous, giving them the benefit of the doubt. It is still difficult because to me it says that they aren't able to communicate nor that sociable.

[@FrostedSeagull]

This is the current observation by many of the 'Batchelor sites' these past few weeks. Key Subject: lost art of conversation Women have little or nothing to say and that's why they want males to lead the conversation and want their male date to ask them a lot of questions. By the man asking them lots of questions they in turn can judge and reject the make first to hide the fact they have no interest other than gossiping and making judgemental comments. This is the main reason women are suddenly 29, 35, 42 and my age 56 and it's all over by this age. I'm a Monk now so I don't care. Brutal Observation The women are so obsessed with Vanity that they have no interests or hobbies. This is the catalyst that leads to the question: What do you bring to the Table? This has now been weaponosed, and it's just about money. People who ask this particular question have no interests or hobbies.

[@neboyshanicolich761]

It takes effort from Ladies srs. I've been to the Mall today...and there was this Girl that I know likes Me...She told that Her bestie who told Me the other day...She was standing at a spot and I walked pass Her intentionally and didn't said Hi or anything...pretended I didn't saw Her on purpose.And She was just standing there...no hi...hello...hey stranger...anything.Now I will never ask Her out.Most Girls don't try at all.

[@bikwah90]

I haven't had. A single date. In 5 years. This is despite actively trying both online and in real life. Online: I've tried several apps. Professional pics. Profile is always vetted by multiple women. In 5 years the number of matches can be counted on 2 hands. IRL: I get out of the house most days a week. Several hobbies that I truly enjoy. An active social life with great friends. I've been very cautious but in 5 years I've asked 3 women on a date. All 3 have turned me down for - admittedly good reasons. We're still friends. This is all very destructive to my self esteem. I don't know what I'm not bringing to the table.

[@niledunn1542]

Honestly I don’t have any advice I’m in a similar boat. I take breaks for my mental health. I sympathize you’re not alone.

[@TCKRDefense]

Have you thought about becoming a Passport Bro to meet women overseas?

[@bikwah90]

Not even remotely. I have too much self respect to throw in the towel like that. The truth is there's a lot more to my life than the lack of a partner. Aside from that I'm quite happy and want to continue to build on that. It might really get me down sometimes, but I'm not a beggar - so I retain the right to be a chooser

[@poeticeclipse]

You asked 3 people out in 5 years?!? That’s the issue right there

[@krunkologist]

I have dealt with every one of these. I have had limited success and lots of learning experiences. I'm hopeful that my match isn't far away.